Living Islam – Raising a Muslim Child #18

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Mirza Yawar Baig

Channel: Mirza Yawar Baig

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Final Session

Episode Transcript

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Bismillah al Rahman al Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala shuffelin be able mousseline Muhammad Rasul, Allah is among our highly who it was able to send them to Sleeman cathedral cathedra. From my Bible, my brothers and sisters, and Hamdulillah, we are on the last of the lessons from raising a Muslim child, leaving Islam raising a Muslim child, I hope this whole series has been beneficial, and that there have been takeaways for you, which you will find to be of use and benefit for you

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in terms of raising your children,

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to be good practicing Muslims, and responsible, ethical, moral, compassionate human beings.

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We talked about two things in the last

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session, which was the influence of the information exchange, thanks to the internet, and the influence of technology itself. Now the influence the technology is not only in terms of

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in terms of, you know, gimmicks, and gadgets and social media, but it is even more in the context of our beliefs about technology. For example, one of the most common beliefs that we have about technology is that technology solves problems.

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And that is a completely fundamentally flawed belief, because technology is value neutral. Technology does not solve problems. It is the user of the technology. And the way the user uses technology which solves problems. Right, it's like saying a scalpel or a knife, cures disease. It doesn't. It depends on how it is used, and by whom it is used. If it is used by a surgeon, to perform surgery, life saving surgery, it saves lives. If it is used by somebody to cut somebody's throat, it takes life. So it's the technology is value neutral technology is neither good nor bad. But we live with this belief. We live with this belief that technology is somehow good, always. And

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that signal technology solves problems. So more technology is better, less technology is, is worse. We talk about high tech and low tech as values. We don't talk about high tech and low tech as, as some things which are related to technology itself. We use high tech and low tech as values also. And so the low tech person means they're stupid. That is that is the the the

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the thing behind it, the understanding behind it. And I want to point I want to flag these and say that these are all false things.

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Today, we'll talk about something else, which is cultural influence. As I mentioned, the influence of other cultures is so invasive and powerful. And I give you an example of what people usually how people respond. If you say to somebody, how are you and the usual

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the usual

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responses I've got, as I said, this is not even grammatically correct, forget about anything else. So but this is the this is one of the influences of, of cultures, which are very invasive and very, very, very powerful.

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Merely guarding against it by privatizing TV, for example, or putting,

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you know, putting stuff on the on what the children can browse on the internet or not. Parents will control their stuff. This is frankly, I mean, in my opinion, it is futile. It's it's, it's a waste of time, children are exposed to other cultures, throughout their lives, they have friends they have, they go to school, they they meet other people and whatnot. And so they are exposed to cultures throughout their day. What needs to be done, is to demonstrate to them the value of our culture in such a way

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so as to enable them to take pride in it to be confident about it,

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while respecting other cultures. So this is very important. What we're what I'm saying here is that instead of banning, we need to give them criteria by which they will decide what is good and what is not good. And they will then therefore

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respond to it appropriately in a way that pleases Allah subhanaw taala.

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I'm saying

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in terms of

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respecting other cultures is very important because when we are talking about joint board meeting people, we're talking about building relationships, we're talking about these things.

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It is essential for us to be able to build an environment where we respect each other. That is the way where our message can be most appropriately conveyed to others. If you disrespect people, then it's something that is

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you know that that's that's counterproductive

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usually out of men when I say our I am generalizing, but this is a very common Muslim

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attitude of running down everything, this creates walls and does not promote cross cultural understanding, running down everything which is not within quotes. Muslim. So in our how to learn without becoming judgmental, while retaining our own sense of right and wrong. This is a very important, it's not one of the one of the it's not as if, if I am,

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if I'm open to and I'm understanding and I'm respectful of some other culture doesn't mean that I've accepted it. And from now on, I'm, I'm from that culture, I will for I will be following that culture. No, I respect it, I understand it, I there, there will be many aspects of it, which I appreciate and I,

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I applaud, but that does not mean that I've lived my culture, I'm still my culture, I still have my values, I still have my criteria for right and wrong. And I'm not sure that all done down the down the river.

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Just for for this. The

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this is something that is very is complex, but something that needs to be learned before one can teach it. The most critical part of this is to retain an open mind. While being clear about the boundaries of Islam, one must be confident without becoming bigoted and arrogant. This is critical to presenting Islam also, because you can't present an alternate an alternate perspective without understanding and respecting the perspective of your partner. The modern world has also created made new career options, which bring with them new dilemmas and questions. In short, your life history doesn't work anymore. I'm saying this to people of the older generation. So it's simply saying to

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the children do what I did is, is a dead duck. If they if they do what you did, they will fail.

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In short, that's what I'm saying your life history doesn't work anymore. Our challenge is to prepare them for a world that we know nothing about. But you signed up for that job when you had a job. Just to give you a small peek at what I mean, please consider the following the top 10 in demand jobs in 2010. Now we are in 2022.

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These these jobs did not even exist in 2004. In the year 2000, Google,

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Facebook, Twitter, YouTube WhatsApp did not exist. Right. Google was founded in 1998, but went public in 2004. Facebook went public in 2004. Twitter went public in 2006, YouTube in 2005, and WhatsApp in 2009. In the year 2000, they did not even exist. We all lived in a world without the things that we consider critical to survival today.

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We did not even have cell phones into the formula smartphone we didn't have we didn't even have stupid phones. We had no cell phones in in 2000. And for the most part, we live very happily. These things apart from the nuisance value. They do have some positive users, they fear jobs, and they usually influence our perception of the world, our social behavior, buying preferences. Now who we look up to look down on all of this is our mind is steered by social media. And especially thanks to Facebook and YouTube.

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This is what this is where we have got Islamically speaking thanks today

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only to Facebook and YouTube. That a lot of modern scholars and more popularity that Imam Abu Hanifa rally probably put together in their days. It's not the depth of their knowledge, but our slavery to this technology which has colored our perception such as the first thing that people ask is how many videos do you have on YouTube? Ads and that's one of the questions of the day of judgment. People rate law hola hota May Allah

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save us from ourselves? People rate scholars in terms of their of the English accent, right do they do they speak with an American accent? Do they speak with a DC accent to the speak with an Arabic accent? This is supposed to be the criteria of judging whether a scholar is within quotes worth it or not. How stupid he has become the norm stupidity as long as

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Something that we are ashamed of stupidity is something that we are actually proud of. This is something we need to open our eyes to this, these technologies and gadgets that they come in, they take up huge amounts of our time and they create anxiety, they create stress and anguish or pointless things, the rule our hearts and minds if we allow them to, and they make some very smart people, insane amounts of money at our expense.

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How are we going to explain the dangers of all this to our children?

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When we are ourselves the victims of these technologies, the solution is not in the solution is not in discarding them. I'm not suggesting that you take your your cell phone and dump it in the garbage. That would be like pretending that it was not raining when it actually was you would only get wet. Also, as I mentioned, there are positive aspects to these things which we can and must use. The key is to be able to differentiate and use and not become the user, my belated visual be the users not the used, we should not become the people who are unemployed. This is unfortunately the fact. And this is a state where the vast majority of people who are who use social media especially

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and who have smartphones, our challenge is to prepare children for challenges that do not exist yet using technologies that haven't been invented. I mean, this is it sounds like a like some kind of a mind game. But this is actually the reality. The reality that today's solution is off offer tomorrow's problem if you need a reminder, think of plastics.

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There are many people in the world, my generation, who remember a plastic free world, and the delight with which we welcomed plastics, when they came into our lives, as they say the rest is history. I remember the first time I saw a plastic bag, I thought I thought this is you know, descended from heaven.

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The first time I saw a plastic bottle, a bottle that didn't break if it fell on the ground. The first time I saw a plastic chair, which could be folded and stacked, and it was easy to lift.

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Another one is the total amount of technical information is doubling every two years. This means that for a student four year course, what he learned in the first year is already redundant and outdated in the third year. So what is the use of traditional teaching?

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Because bored what it is and how it is it needs to change, frankly doesn't need to change it needs a decent barrier, and a new system needs to be born. Finland which is famous for its educational system has decided to stop teaching subjects completely and teach application instead. Now I propose this idea in 2002 In my vision statement for the standard bearers Academy. Unfortunately, no takers. Now without understanding application, we have the pathetic situation of our children going to school for 15 years, and coming out completely innocent of anything remotely useful. Their minds are filled with disconnected pieces of information that's perhaps individually useful, but because they

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never learned the relationships, or how to use that information in real life. They lose all interest in the subject itself.

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In the real world, they're completely incapable of survival itself, let alone being able to influence and guide and command or even earn a decent living. 15 years of full time schooling only puts them on the threshold of another decade, perhaps or studying to qualify to stand in the line for the job.

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What never ceases to amaze me is how the insanity of it does not strike people. And we still continue to donate serious amounts of money to the system that does nothing for us. Those who send their children to big name schools with high fees. Ask your child what he or she learned that can help them to survive one week on their own, and you will know what your money bought for you. Ask if your money bought you good manners and compassion, the ability to have an intelligent conversation to write a decent letter or to cook a decent meal. Let alone taqwa and dialogue My Allah and respect for the Sunnah and confidence in Islam or their own culture, what it probably did by his

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recalcitrant attitudes, arrogance.

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Embracing the worst values of the West instead of the best, and slimmer to gadgets and brands, and a burning desire to go to Europe or America to study immediately after graduating from school, what at your expense, and not on their own merit. This entitlement mentality is the cancer the root of all degeneration, and family disputes, especially in business families, most sadly, probably also bought an attitude of looking down on others, including in many cases, their own parents who pay the bills. And to think of it none of this was promised in the prospect as when you put the child in school, but talk about the aha experience.

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getting value for your money. So what to do solution?

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When there is, what is this? R A C E, this is my acronym for what you need to do to deal with the challenge of raising children you can be proud of race stands for read, anticipate, create, execute.

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Let's quickly do that. read. Reading has become a redundancy. And this is the root cause of most of our problems. Not reading disconnects us from our own history, our culture, our religion from Allah subhanaw taala. Reading enables us to know what's happening, to put it in perspective, and to anticipate problems and opportunities to name so the same thing, problem opportunity. So ask yourself how many books you read every month.

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Ignorance is not bliss. It's ugly and shameful. So start reading. Read and encourage your children to read.

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Read and analyze and discuss and debate.

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See what questions they ask. The questions are much more important than the answers. Let powerful questions arise in the mind and answer them yourself or find others who can answer them. Cultivate the company of those who read and who have intelligent conversations, not be by backbiting and slander, display disguised as social talk, cultivate the company of scholars have all kinds of knowledge. Go to them and take your children with you. Don't worry if your children tell you that they can understand anything that being said that's a sign of the result of the kind of upbringing and raising that you gave them and what they failed to learn in school. Consider it a sign of

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sickness. That is why you took them there to stretch their minds and to expose them to the expanse of knowledge. What you hear today and don't understand, get stored in the memory and comes to your aid years later. At unexpected moments. You need to change your

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you need to change your habits and your social life. If your social life consists of attending random weddings, and reading biryani, then none of what I have said will be possible. You have to make you have to do first what you want your children to do. Make no mistake to give you must first have second one e ad right.

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RSC a sorry our was read a is anticipate. Learn to Read the science both in your children and in the environment and prepare for them by being proactive, combative and harsh attitudes usually get negative results. You need to be able to reason and convince not force.

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to reason and convince you need to have knowledge and be convinced yourself.

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Bring brings us back to reading. Another great resource is the company of wise people. Wisdom begins with Taqwa. So people who obey Allah subhanaw taala by definition, can't be wise though they may have some skills or some specific knowledge.

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So people who disobey Allah Sarandon, right because wisdom begins with Taqwa. So people who disobey Allah cannot be wise. They perhaps either love seeing the company on Butoh who obey Allah subhanaw taala and follow the Sunnah of His Messenger Sanoma highly he while he was selling, the monitor conversation, your organization and the combination of EEG monitor, I don't mean spy on them. I'm saying when you are listening to them.

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Do that consciously and thoughtfully. Monitor your company who will you meet with your children? Who are your children exposed to what are they likely to learn from those people? Make sure you keep the right company and expose your children to the right company. Most children today spend time with their own age groups. The question is what can a 15 year old teach another 15 year old children need the company of wise and knowledgeable elders to learn life skills? This is how mammals from elders service say Sahaba many the Sahaba learned and they became Sahaba because of the sorbara of the prophets of Allah Heidi you it was over seven children today are starved of the Sabata wise elders.

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And the tragedy is that most are not even aware of what they are losing. Third one see is create

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now that even I you another you have an idea of the challenges ahead and you have anticipated how some of them are likely to touch you and your children. Let's create solutions. Teach tools because your answers don't work anymore. answers don't work. Teach them the tool to arrive at their own answer. These are tools because tools are timeless and they can be applied to all kinds of problems. Among the most important tools are the following number one, how to connect Allah subhanaw taala number two the power of God number three discipline you living. Number four

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Then drive for excellence number five, managing money

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earning, not spending number six, taking ownership, no excuses. Number seven structured thinking, number eight focused reading, and number nine, social graces and married man matters. And number 10, humility and no arrogance. These are tools and if they if your children learn the tools that inshallah we have great hope that they will be able to deal with the problems in their lives problems that we have no idea about. Finally, execute, implement, because only results can be backed as the as the saying goes, you must create a schedule

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to impart these skills and knowledge to your children. Parenting is a contact sport cannot be outsourced, no matter how competent the caretaker. And remember that children listen with their eyes. They don't care what you say until they see what you do.

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If you don't wake up your father is no good telling your child to pray the hedges. If you don't read, the child will not read. And if he reads because his teacher inspires him to do so, soon he will know more than you and that is shameful. Remember that you signed up to raise your children the day you decided to have them. Whatever you've done until now it's time to take stock and ask yourself what you need to change. It's eye opening if you ask your children what they learn from you. I began this book by pointing out the percentage of children who will consider their parents role models.

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Ask if your children think of you as a role model? If not, the time to change is now

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the series of lectures I began by asking this question How many people have a parent as a role model? As I mentioned, then, in my whole experience of talking about raising children in so many countries in the world, not more than 5% have the parents as a role model.

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I remind my You are my server simply not enough to feed, clothe and gadgets, raise your children and then leave them to their own devices except to fill their to refill their berries, their bellies or their accounts. You have to get serious with the raising and upbringing for the children and even more critical message. Remember that one of the seven who Allah subhanaw taala promised the shape of his arch of his throne. On the Day when there will be no shade except to shade is the youth, not the old man, the youth who grew up in obedience to Allah subhana Hotel. So this is a very critical time in your life. This is the bar or the multiplier. During this stage, every action of yours has a far

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higher reward than the reward of order people read the same thing. Everything you do that is obedience of Allah Subhana Allah and the Sunnah of Rasulullah Salam, and every temptation you reject because it is against the order of Allah or the son of innocence and matzah, Salah will take you closer to Allah subhanaw taala and make your job more accepted and become a witness for you on the day when you meet Allah subhanaw taala the Day of Judgment.

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This period of grace will end when you grow older.

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So focus on making the best of this time and don't lose this period of grace to please some loser who's your friend, the effect of friends both positive and negatives cannot be overemphasized. It is used I constantly hear the laminate after a final exam I only got so many marks my question is why there are a lot of stall? Well, they are no more marks to give you. The answer is friends, my friends who I gave more time to them I studies I said you wake up convert your friend to your way of being or delete him or her from your list.

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You cannot afford losers as friends no matter how cool they do. So get serious. We only live once. So let us live right?

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I remember this is extremely important for us to

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to keep this in mind and not to get fooled by whatever happens in the world. The world looks like it's you know, people people act like there is there is no tomorrow and we do things a lot smarter in the Quran mentioned the issue of friends in general for God and others. And also Mandela mentioned this, and Allah Samaritan has said that

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on the Day of Judgment, and this writer has said that Akela that is the friends who will be the dearest of friends in this world.

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Allah said on the Day of Judgment, they will be enemies to one another.

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I feel that the one the closest of friends on the Day of Judgment will be enemies to

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ill Motoko

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ill except for the people of Taqwa. Illa moto

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now. There's something that really we need to we need

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need to think about and say that? What is it? How do I assess who is a good friend? As soon as I mentioned in the Hadith? If I recall it correctly, May Allah save me from not recalling it correctly. He said a friend, a good friend is one who remind you of Allah subhanaw taala number one, number two, being in his company, or her company reminds you of the Day of Judgment.

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And third one is that you learn something new from them.

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See the see the cynic, right? He's not saying a best friend is the one who's got money who spends on you and does this does that know

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will remind you have Allah. And in the company of that friend, you remember the day of judgment, which means that if you are in that company, that friend, you are not going to be doing something which is haram, you will not do something which Allah dislikes, because you're thinking of the Day of Judgment. And number three, you learn something useful, something new from this person.

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So I strongly recommend that you look at your friends, who are your friends, who are your closest friends, and assess them on this list. Right? assess them on this list to say, do they fit?

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Because if they don't fit, see the Ayat of Surah Furqan. Let's Martha said on the Day of Judgment, people will bite their hand with regrets.

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Like that, right? Why? They will say I wish

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that this person had not been my friend.

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Leah? Yeah, Layton, honey Lam attack with Milan and kalila. They will say oh my God, I wish this person had not been my friend. Why? Because this person led me astray. This is the person who I followed. And I ended up now in this in the hot place, right? I am here because I had this kind of a friend. Think about this thing very, very seriously about this and say, I'm not saying even though I'm saying to you that you must have bought a home you must have people who understand Allah subhanaw taala, who are conscious of Ullswater as your friends, but I'm not saying to you that you must never have a non Muslim as a friend, no.

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Good people with good values, compassionate people, kind people, fair people, just people,

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intelligent people from whom you can learn something under law, no problem.

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But always remember the criteria, the deciding factor is the result of Allah Subhana Allah that Allah subhanaw taala should be pleased. And for that you need you need the power in yourself, first and foremost before anything else, and in the friend that you are talking about.

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So extremely important for us to keep this in mind and say what is the kind of friend I have friends are very, very important.

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Because friends will take us here or there. And somebody said, You are the product of five people, the five people who are closest to you who are with you, you are the product of those five people.

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As soon as the day of judgement, you will be resurrected with those you love. So look at those who live in this world today.

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And see, of course we don't desire anybody's future but look at their lives, look at their behavior, look at what they do and so on. And ask yourself Does this person looks like does this person look like they are going to Jannah

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but they told you we're not condemning condemning anybody. But if I'm looking at a person who is disobeying Allah subhanaw taala who's not following the sunnah or source or someone who does not pray for example, who does not fast for example, a person who is drinking alcohol for example, who is onto drugs for example, who's doing haram for example, who is earning with earning his earnings or holiday but this person is earning with interest based banking things he has bank loans and so on. In his business, this person is buying and selling haram right they buying and selling alcohol and lottery tickets and, and pork products and whatnot. What do you think this kind of person? Where

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do you think they're headed?

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I'm not saying condemn them, I'm saying, Get away from them. Because if you are with them, if you love them,

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then talk to them, save them from what they are doing. Tell them what they need to hear, not what they like to hear. And if you believe that you cannot have any influence on them, then leave them

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because on the Day of Judgment, you will be resurrected with the ones you love. So if I love somebody who used to do what I'm in this world, I will be with that person and on the day of that person on the Day of Judgment. That person who was doing arrive is going to end up in the hellfire and I went with it. I don't want that.

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I do not want that. So corrected in this life.

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To get your friends list, and get rid of all friends who don't fit this framework there are sources of give us somebody who reminds me of Allah, somebody who whose company I remember the day of judgment and somebody from whom I can learn something new.

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Ask Allah subhanaw taala to enable

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us to raise children who will be sada fossil geria for us, when we are gone to raise children who will be markers, and who will add value and who will add dignity and who will who will be a worthy legacy of ours intends to

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ask a lesson to enable us to raise children who will change this world and make it a far better place than it is today. For everybody who lives in it.

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Well, some of the Alana will carry Murali he was able to get a hold of me. Well salovaara Go don't delay