Part 3 Unleash the Power of Intimacy Let’s Dive into this Taboo Topic!

And let me first give a disclaimer, please, if you have little children in the room or kids that are not age appropriate, they shouldn't be listening to such things. I would advise you please ask them to leave the room right now find somebody dumped them with somebody.

Because we are going to get a bit, maybe X rated, and I cannot guarantee that how this discussion will go. And so because of that I would rather be safe be getting married soon. But she was addicted to masturbation. And she was telling me, you know, she was masturbating with everything, furniture, pillow, everything she could find. And she was so addicted to it, that she didn't know how, now that she's getting married, she can stop it. And how will her husband please her since she knows exactly, you know, X marks the spot and so on. So I counseled her for about a year on that. But I just want to share this thing about if you started, I asked you to do everything in your power to stop it

immediately. Because it has long term damaging effects. For men of course, research has shown that it creates watery seeming premature ejaculation, and a whole bunch of other nasties that will affect your spouse at the end of the day, you won't be able to satisfy your spouse on your selfish path to just satisfying yourself. So be very careful with that. If you've started stopped it immediately if you've not started don't even be curious. Don't try it. Now with regard to using sex toys, what I often say is if it's something that both of you

mutually doing together, and it's something you're down with you like some absolutely not haram haram, I'm gonna burn in hell, if I do it, whatever. For me, it's just an it's really an individual thing. If your spouse is involved, and you're both pleasing each other pleasuring each other, then I think it's safe to say, if it's working for you do so however, there is a high risk when a woman has something other than her man that is penetrating her. It exposes her to enjoying something that for a man who climaxes quickly, she may end up going into masturbation because she derives more pleasure from that. So that's what I wanted to emphasize with regard to using sex toys. Then let me just

quickly run through and see. Is there anything else that people have asked? Here we go? Let's see.

Okay, you're right, ma'am. A lot of men ignore.

Part that feels sex can be rescan resolve issues.

Okay, sorry, I think I get it that a lot of men think self sex will solve the problem. Sex is meant to be a bonding

activity in the relationship. However, if it is just used to quench a need, but the main issues haven't been addressed or dealt with, you can put a cluster you can put cluster in a wound that isn't going to heal, you have to deal with the baggage and I promise you, you are gonna get the best of your spouse. If you have resolved issues first, before you bring intimacy into the equation. Then there was something I wanted to say just skip my mind. However, I will continue Oh, and then another word of caution, because men complain about this when they write and talk about intimacy is that women use headache as an excuse, or whatever. All sorts of excuses when they know their spouse wants

to be intimate with them, all of a sudden they fall sick, all of a sudden they develop out all of a sudden something happens. Do not use do not bring up frivolous excuses as to why you won't be intimate with your spouse. If you are not in the mood, express it to them, but in a kind way, and help them understand why and hopefully it will lead to a discussion that will help you address the issue so you can move on so that you can enjoy each other. However, never, ever, ever, never use sex as a bargaining chip. Do not ever use it to say okay, I will let you have this if you let me have that. Do not use sex to negotiate. Don't it's not healthy for the relationship. I just wanted to get

that out of the way as well. All right, let's see here. what else what else? What else?

Okay, just checking to see if there's any question or comments. Okay, sex is something that works with the mind. Absolutely. For many, especially women. It is the mind. However, it's still a mutual thing. I mean, sex is meant to

be pleasurable for both. And I know a man will have maximum pleasure if his wife is involved. If it is just she's lying there and you quench your thirst for intimacy, unfortunately,

let me just say there's something much better if you were both having more of a deliberate intention to satisfy each other. Okay, some men cheat and they blame their wives. Yes, absolutely. I know, this is something that has I've already addressed before. But it is no justification. There is never, ever, ever a justification for infidelity. There is never, ever a justification for infidelity. In fact, I know I've read in certain mud hubs that if a man's urge is greater than what his wife can satisfy, he's allowed to masturbate. Like I said, it's mcru. And it carries it's another monster in itself. So it's safer not to, but he's allowed to masturbate to release that

desire. So he doesn't go and commit to it now, because doing the denies the greater evil. So I just wanted to clarify that, okay.

Sex toys around? No, they're not like I said before, but let it not lead to harm, let it not be something that leads you to do something really bad. Like, you know, you're watching pornography, and you're copying what you're seeing. Or it leads you to masturbation, which is mcru, highly discouraged, and so on. licking each other's private parts, absolutely have fun with each other. This is definitely something you can explore. For women, especially women, they find that to be kind of icky, like, women have described it, giving oral sex for some women. Let me clarify for some women, they think it's disgusting. I've seen women scrunch their face and say, oh, so gross, and so

on.

But if that is what pleases your spouse, then you do need to do what you need to do to satisfy your man. You cannot you put aside all the achiness you're feeling and so on, and do what you have to do, to make him fulfill his failure to fulfill his fantasies. So but if it's something you enjoy, if you don't enjoy it, communicate that you don't enjoy it. Sometimes it's the men that wants to do it badly. But their wife doesn't want it. That's one of his fantasies. So try, make sure he understands it's not something you enjoy. But once in a while, allow him to please himself, if that's what makes him happy. I think that's what I would say in that area. But for women, I know many would say, you

know, they find it to be gross. Trust me, it's a mental thing. Program your mind that you are pleasing your husband, you are satisfying his needs, you are bringing his fantasies to life, you are meant to be that once one stop shop for everything that your spouse needs, for everything your spouse wants. However, it's supposed to be the same the other way around. So both have to be that's why I keep emphasizing this word. Both have to be intentional, both have to be deliberate, both have to go out of their way to make sure they asked their spouse, what you know, what are your fantasies, what do you want? What am I not doing? What should I do differently, bring it onto the table and

talk about it. This is such an important area, you can spice up the marriage by doing so much. Start your day.

Making sure that if you aren't going to be intimate, at least you hug you kiss you there's some physical contact between you and your spouse if you're together. If you're not together, it's not an excuse, send a message or start a whatsapp video or any kind of video where you see each other. And you talk about things. Talk about your fantasies, do dirty talk, whatever it is, but you have to try your best to keep this thing top of each other's mind and keep it as a priority in a relationship. Make it important, make it something you do consciously. And don't use children as an excuse not to be intimate with your spouse. A lot of women once they get pregnant, of course, their hormones go

ballistic on them and things just go haywire. However, I still say make it make an effort. I'm not saying when you're going through morning sickness, you're feeling sick as a dog. You should try going into things like that and you would hope and I pray you have a considerate spouse that will be understanding, but you need to also be very understanding that your spouse has needs and is not made of wood. So try try try your best to see how you can pleasure each other no matter what happens. You have young children, be creative, and that's where quickies come in.

where you have to be adventurous, you have to find ways of doing you know, like sharp, sharp, but continue to make sure you do not neglect this very important area because you have children, be very creative. Sometimes you send them over to Grandma's house, or to a babysitter, or whatever, but you make time for this because it's that important. All right, let me see what else we've got going on here.

Okay. Everybody seems to want to know if oral sex is haram. It is not. It is not haram. Absolutely. I know there's such a huge misconception. That's why I'm saying people aren't talking about this. We need to make this mainstream. Whoever is watching right now, if you organize events, organize lectures, I pray to Allah that you will organize an event where scholars come and talk about intimacy. Talk about the romantic Prophet sallallahu wasallam. And the examples he set for us talk about what it is that's why I love the books that Brother Habib accom they wrote because he connects it with the Quran and Sunnah. I think that's the best part for me that he brings quotes and

references that backup what he is encouraging us to do in relationships. So definitely check out those three books. Alright.

What is this about somebody? I'm sure by now you know what this is about? Alright.

I think more how sir ladies and women need to be here because most of them have little or no knowledge about sex. How do you know how sir Ladies, you're busy generalizing.

suspecting you. All right, actually, the thing is, it is the reality that our parents don't teach us these things. Many, some cultures they do. That's why the book vinyasa is actually about a country and the culture where they encourage they teach men how to pleasure their women. It is part of the culture like you're not a man, if you can't make you help your wife climax if you can't help her squirter. Listen, that anyway, I'm not gonna go into that in full detail. But I asked you look for the book and read it. So this thing to do with them not knowing? Yeah, so who's gonna teach them because the scholars aren't talking about it. And we need we need to stop making it a taboo subject,

we need to start talking about this regularly, so that people get enlightened get to know, I remember getting a lot of messages, DMS and emails from women who say, Why does sex hurts so much, and sex doesn't need to hurt? What is the problem is the woman is not lubricated. That is it and you're not lubricated. Because you're not aroused. It's a natural secretion that comes from the body when you are in the mood. So of course, if you're not aroused, you're not going to be lubricated. However, your husband wants to be satisfied. And you now have to give him what he wants, but it hurts you. Sex is not meant to be painful. So that's when I share with people that with women that

you buy lubricants, you start to introduce lubricants into the relationship. You can buy lubricants online, you can buy them in pharmacies online, you can get more adventurous because that's where you get flavored ones, you can get strawberry flavored chocolate flavors, and so on. However, just go to any pharmacy and look for like right here in Nigeria, just look for KY jelly. Tell your pharmacist, you want KY jelly. It's a lubricant, water based. And so it does not. It does not create friction, it's slippery. And so it allows for a smoother experience between the two spouses. And you can use lubricants when you are off Salaat on other body parts or leave your imagination to go to work here.

I'm not going to go into that. But those lubricants are absolutely wonderful because they prevent friction for your spouse, when he's not able to penetrate you when he wants to use other body parts for intimacy and so on. So look for k y jelly. And that should take care of that and you just put a little bit either he puts it on himself or you put it on you and it just makes it much easier and less friction however, don't put too much because for the man he does want a bit of resistance and he you know it shouldn't be too so find a balance in between overtime you'll get to know and again if you communicate regularly and express what you're feeling, he'll be able to see what works for

him and you will be able to know the right quantity that works for you. Simple right all right, here we go.

Let's see any more questions? Nope. What he's asking questions you guys are allowing me to Yep, all by myself here.

Can you type the names? Okay. I'll just see them quickly. If I type now I'll have to grab my be getting married soon. But she was addicted to masturbation. And she was telling me you know she was masturbating with everything furniture.

her pillow, everything she could find. And she was so addicted to it that she didn't know how, now that she's getting married, she can stop it. And how will her husband please her since she knows exactly, you know, X marks the spot and so on. So I counseled her for about a year on that, but I just want to share this thing about if you've started, I asked you to do everything in your power to stop it immediately. Because it has long term damaging effects for men of course, research has shown that it creates watery semen, premature ejaculation, and a whole bunch of other nasties that will affect your spouse at the end of the day, you won't be able to satisfy your spouse on in on your

selfish path to just satisfying yourself. So be very careful with that. If you've started stopped it immediately if you've not started don't even be curious. Don't try it. Now with regard to using sex toys, what I often say is if it's something that both of you

mutually doing together and it's something you're down with you like some absolutely not haram haram, I'm gonna burn in hell, if I do it, whatever. For me, it's just an it's really an individual thing. If your spouse is involved, and you're both pleasing each other pleasuring each other, then I think it's safe to say, if it's working for you do so however, there is a high risk when a woman has something other than her man that is penetrating her. It exposes her to enjoying something that for a man who climaxes quickly, she may end up going into masturbation because she derives more pleasure from that. So that's what I wanted to emphasize with regard to using sex toys. Then let me just

quickly run through and see. Is there anything else that people have asked? Here we go? Let's see.

Okay, you are right, ma'am. A lot of men ignore.

Part that feels sex can be rescanned resolve issues.

Okay, sorry. I think I get it that a lot of men think so sex will solve the problem. Sex is meant to be a bonding

activity in the relationship. However, if it is just used to quench a need, but the main issues haven't been addressed or dealt with, you can't put a cluster you can put cluster in a wound that isn't going to heal. You have to deal with the baggage and I promise you, you are going to get the best of your spouse if you have resolved issues first before you bring intimacy into the equation.