Maryam Lemu – Part 3 Unleash the Power of Intimacy Let’s Dive into this Taboo Topic!

			And let me first give a disclaimer, please, if you have little children in the room or kids that are
not age appropriate, they shouldn't be listening to such things. I would advise you please ask them
to leave the room right now find somebody dumped them with somebody.
		

			Because we are going to get a bit, maybe X rated, and I cannot guarantee that how this discussion
will go. And so because of that I would rather be safe be getting married soon. But she was addicted
to *. And she was telling me, you know, she was * with everything, furniture,
pillow, everything she could find. And she was so addicted to it, that she didn't know how, now that
she's getting married, she can stop it. And how will her husband please her since she knows exactly,
you know, X marks the spot and so on. So I counseled her for about a year on that. But I just want
to share this thing about if you started, I asked you to do everything in your power to stop it
		

			immediately. Because it has long term damaging effects. For men of course, research has shown that
it creates watery seeming premature *, and a whole bunch of other nasties that will affect
your spouse at the end of the day, you won't be able to satisfy your spouse on your selfish path to
just satisfying yourself. So be very careful with that. If you've started stopped it immediately if
you've not started don't even be curious. Don't try it. Now with regard to using * toys, what I
often say is if it's something that both of you
		

			mutually doing together, and it's something you're down with you like some absolutely not haram
haram, I'm gonna burn in *, if I do it, whatever. For me, it's just an it's really an individual
thing. If your spouse is involved, and you're both pleasing each other pleasuring each other, then I
think it's safe to say, if it's working for you do so however, there is a high risk when a woman has
something other than her man that is penetrating her. It exposes her to enjoying something that for
a man who climaxes quickly, she may end up going into * because she derives more pleasure
from that. So that's what I wanted to emphasize with regard to using * toys. Then let me just
		

			quickly run through and see. Is there anything else that people have asked? Here we go? Let's see.
		

			Okay, you're right, ma'am. A lot of men ignore.
		

			Part that feels * can be rescan resolve issues.
		

			Okay, sorry, I think I get it that a lot of men think self * will solve the problem. * is meant
to be a bonding
		

			activity in the relationship. However, if it is just used to quench a need, but the main issues
haven't been addressed or dealt with, you can put a cluster you can put cluster in a wound that
isn't going to heal, you have to deal with the baggage and I promise you, you are gonna get the best
of your spouse. If you have resolved issues first, before you bring intimacy into the equation. Then
there was something I wanted to say just skip my mind. However, I will continue Oh, and then another
word of caution, because men complain about this when they write and talk about intimacy is that
women use headache as an excuse, or whatever. All sorts of excuses when they know their spouse wants
		

			to be intimate with them, all of a sudden they fall sick, all of a sudden they develop out all of a
sudden something happens. Do not use do not bring up frivolous excuses as to why you won't be
intimate with your spouse. If you are not in the mood, express it to them, but in a kind way, and
help them understand why and hopefully it will lead to a discussion that will help you address the
issue so you can move on so that you can enjoy each other. However, never, ever, ever, never use *
as a bargaining chip. Do not ever use it to say okay, I will let you have this if you let me have
that. Do not use * to negotiate. Don't it's not healthy for the relationship. I just wanted to get
		

			that out of the way as well. All right, let's see here. what else what else? What else?
		

			Okay, just checking to see if there's any question or comments. Okay, * is something that works
with the mind. Absolutely. For many, especially women. It is the mind. However, it's still a mutual
thing. I mean, * is meant to
		

			be pleasurable for both. And I know a man will have maximum pleasure if his wife is involved. If it
is just she's lying there and you quench your thirst for intimacy, unfortunately,
		

			let me just say there's something much better if you were both having more of a deliberate intention
to satisfy each other. Okay, some men cheat and they blame their wives. Yes, absolutely. I know,
this is something that has I've already addressed before. But it is no justification. There is
never, ever, ever a justification for infidelity. There is never, ever a justification for
infidelity. In fact, I know I've read in certain mud hubs that if a man's urge is greater than what
his wife can satisfy, he's allowed to masturbate. Like I said, it's mcru. And it carries it's
another monster in itself. So it's safer not to, but he's allowed to masturbate to release that
		

			desire. So he doesn't go and commit to it now, because doing the denies the greater evil. So I just
wanted to clarify that, okay.
		

			* toys around? No, they're not like I said before, but let it not lead to harm, let it not be
something that leads you to do something really bad. Like, you know, you're watching *,
and you're copying what you're seeing. Or it leads you to *, which is mcru, highly
discouraged, and so on. licking each other's private parts, absolutely have fun with each other.
This is definitely something you can explore. For women, especially women, they find that to be kind
of icky, like, women have described it, giving oral * for some women. Let me clarify for some
women, they think it's disgusting. I've seen women scrunch their face and say, oh, so gross, and so
		

			on.
		

			But if that is what pleases your spouse, then you do need to do what you need to do to satisfy your
man. You cannot you put aside all the achiness you're feeling and so on, and do what you have to do,
to make him fulfill his failure to fulfill his fantasies. So but if it's something you enjoy, if you
don't enjoy it, communicate that you don't enjoy it. Sometimes it's the men that wants to do it
badly. But their wife doesn't want it. That's one of his fantasies. So try, make sure he understands
it's not something you enjoy. But once in a while, allow him to please himself, if that's what makes
him happy. I think that's what I would say in that area. But for women, I know many would say, you
		

			know, they find it to be gross. Trust me, it's a mental thing. Program your mind that you are
pleasing your husband, you are satisfying his needs, you are bringing his fantasies to life, you are
meant to be that once one stop shop for everything that your spouse needs, for everything your
spouse wants. However, it's supposed to be the same the other way around. So both have to be that's
why I keep emphasizing this word. Both have to be intentional, both have to be deliberate, both have
to go out of their way to make sure they asked their spouse, what you know, what are your fantasies,
what do you want? What am I not doing? What should I do differently, bring it onto the table and
		

			talk about it. This is such an important area, you can spice up the marriage by doing so much. Start
your day.
		

			Making sure that if you aren't going to be intimate, at least you hug you kiss you there's some
physical contact between you and your spouse if you're together. If you're not together, it's not an
excuse, send a message or start a whatsapp video or any kind of video where you see each other. And
you talk about things. Talk about your fantasies, do dirty talk, whatever it is, but you have to try
your best to keep this thing top of each other's mind and keep it as a priority in a relationship.
Make it important, make it something you do consciously. And don't use children as an excuse not to
be intimate with your spouse. A lot of women once they get pregnant, of course, their hormones go
		

			ballistic on them and things just go haywire. However, I still say make it make an effort. I'm not
saying when you're going through morning sickness, you're feeling sick as a dog. You should try
going into things like that and you would hope and I pray you have a considerate spouse that will be
understanding, but you need to also be very understanding that your spouse has needs and is not made
of wood. So try try try your best to see how you can pleasure each other no matter what happens. You
have young children, be creative, and that's where quickies come in.
		

			where you have to be adventurous, you have to find ways of doing you know, like sharp, sharp, but
continue to make sure you do not neglect this very important area because you have children, be very
creative. Sometimes you send them over to Grandma's house, or to a babysitter, or whatever, but you
make time for this because it's that important. All right, let me see what else we've got going on
here.
		

			Okay. Everybody seems to want to know if oral * is haram. It is not. It is not haram. Absolutely.
I know there's such a huge misconception. That's why I'm saying people aren't talking about this. We
need to make this mainstream. Whoever is watching right now, if you organize events, organize
lectures, I pray to Allah that you will organize an event where scholars come and talk about
intimacy. Talk about the romantic Prophet sallallahu wasallam. And the examples he set for us talk
about what it is that's why I love the books that Brother Habib accom they wrote because he connects
it with the Quran and Sunnah. I think that's the best part for me that he brings quotes and
		

			references that backup what he is encouraging us to do in relationships. So definitely check out
those three books. Alright.
		

			What is this about somebody? I'm sure by now you know what this is about? Alright.
		

			I think more how sir ladies and women need to be here because most of them have little or no
knowledge about *. How do you know how sir Ladies, you're busy generalizing.
		

			suspecting you. All right, actually, the thing is, it is the reality that our parents don't teach us
these things. Many, some cultures they do. That's why the book vinyasa is actually about a country
and the culture where they encourage they teach men how to pleasure their women. It is part of the
culture like you're not a man, if you can't make you help your wife climax if you can't help her
squirter. Listen, that anyway, I'm not gonna go into that in full detail. But I asked you look for
the book and read it. So this thing to do with them not knowing? Yeah, so who's gonna teach them
because the scholars aren't talking about it. And we need we need to stop making it a taboo subject,
		

			we need to start talking about this regularly, so that people get enlightened get to know, I
remember getting a lot of messages, DMS and emails from women who say, Why does * hurts so much,
and * doesn't need to hurt? What is the problem is the woman is not lubricated. That is it and
you're not lubricated. Because you're not aroused. It's a natural secretion that comes from the body
when you are in the mood. So of course, if you're not aroused, you're not going to be lubricated.
However, your husband wants to be satisfied. And you now have to give him what he wants, but it
hurts you. * is not meant to be painful. So that's when I share with people that with women that
		

			you buy lubricants, you start to introduce lubricants into the relationship. You can buy lubricants
online, you can buy them in pharmacies online, you can get more adventurous because that's where you
get flavored ones, you can get strawberry flavored chocolate flavors, and so on. However, just go to
any pharmacy and look for like right here in Nigeria, just look for KY jelly. Tell your pharmacist,
you want KY jelly. It's a lubricant, water based. And so it does not. It does not create friction,
it's slippery. And so it allows for a smoother experience between the two spouses. And you can use
lubricants when you are off Salaat on other body parts or leave your imagination to go to work here.
		

			I'm not going to go into that. But those lubricants are absolutely wonderful because they prevent
friction for your spouse, when he's not able to penetrate you when he wants to use other body parts
for intimacy and so on. So look for k y jelly. And that should take care of that and you just put a
little bit either he puts it on himself or you put it on you and it just makes it much easier and
less friction however, don't put too much because for the man he does want a bit of resistance and
he you know it shouldn't be too so find a balance in between overtime you'll get to know and again
if you communicate regularly and express what you're feeling, he'll be able to see what works for
		

			him and you will be able to know the right quantity that works for you. Simple right all right, here
we go.
		

			Let's see any more questions? Nope. What he's asking questions you guys are allowing me to Yep, all
by myself here.
		

			Can you type the names? Okay. I'll just see them quickly. If I type now I'll have to grab my be
getting married soon. But she was addicted to *. And she was telling me you know she was
* with everything furniture.
		

			her pillow, everything she could find. And she was so addicted to it that she didn't know how, now
that she's getting married, she can stop it. And how will her husband please her since she knows
exactly, you know, X marks the spot and so on. So I counseled her for about a year on that, but I
just want to share this thing about if you've started, I asked you to do everything in your power to
stop it immediately. Because it has long term damaging effects for men of course, research has shown
that it creates watery *, premature *, and a whole bunch of other nasties that will
affect your spouse at the end of the day, you won't be able to satisfy your spouse on in on your
		

			selfish path to just satisfying yourself. So be very careful with that. If you've started stopped it
immediately if you've not started don't even be curious. Don't try it. Now with regard to using *
toys, what I often say is if it's something that both of you
		

			mutually doing together and it's something you're down with you like some absolutely not haram
haram, I'm gonna burn in *, if I do it, whatever. For me, it's just an it's really an individual
thing. If your spouse is involved, and you're both pleasing each other pleasuring each other, then I
think it's safe to say, if it's working for you do so however, there is a high risk when a woman has
something other than her man that is penetrating her. It exposes her to enjoying something that for
a man who climaxes quickly, she may end up going into * because she derives more pleasure
from that. So that's what I wanted to emphasize with regard to using * toys. Then let me just
		

			quickly run through and see. Is there anything else that people have asked? Here we go? Let's see.
		

			Okay, you are right, ma'am. A lot of men ignore.
		

			Part that feels * can be rescanned resolve issues.
		

			Okay, sorry. I think I get it that a lot of men think so * will solve the problem. * is meant to
be a bonding
		

			activity in the relationship. However, if it is just used to quench a need, but the main issues
haven't been addressed or dealt with, you can't put a cluster you can put cluster in a wound that
isn't going to heal. You have to deal with the baggage and I promise you, you are going to get the
best of your spouse if you have resolved issues first before you bring intimacy into the equation.