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Intamacy #01

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Maryam Lemu

Channel: Maryam Lemu

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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As Salam alikoum Mariam Lemo here, just waiting for folks to come on as we are about to start our live our live on intimacy. And let me first give a disclaimer, please, if you have little children in the room or kids that are not age appropriate, they shouldn't be listening to such things. I would advise you please ask them to leave the room right now find somebody dumped them with somebody.

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Because we are going to get a bit maybe X rated and I cannot guarantee that how this discussion will go. And so because of that I would rather be safe. I see people coming in from everywhere. Yes, I am mommy, Noreen.

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Hamdulillah. Well, we have over 200 people already in seconds. So I'm not going to waste anybody's time.

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This is often a taboo subject, subject and I want to

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dive right into bringing it into regular conversations. A lot of us are mentally bankrupt when it comes to knowledge of this because people don't talk about it. And that's why I felt let's start for the next month in sha Allah, I want us to have discussions with different people share the things we have learned things we've picked up along the way things we've read about, and, you know, hopefully be able to help improve our intimacy, our relationship, the bond, the physical bond, that emotional bond between us and our spouse, because this area is a neglected area when it comes to the number of topics that are covered when people give lectures. So why don't we start right now I see folks

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coming in from India from New York from the UK, from Egypt system. Mr. Robert, I see you thank you just a common law. Okay, run. My favorite topic. All right, well,

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I'm the Lilla.

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I'd like you folks to share concerns you have in the area of intimacy, or questions you would like us to cover, I see a zillion things coming in right now. Just flowing. So let's dive right in. Like I said, I am deeply concerned about the fact that people don't talk about it, you find people get married. And unfortunately, they go in absolutely, with no knowledge about what to do, how to navigate how to spice up that area, especially in the bedroom. And intimacy eventually starts to become boring. After a while in a lot of relationships. They become stagnant, you find couples complaining that, you know, it's just like a chore. I know some women describe it like the same as

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washing dishes and cleaning. You just mentally have to psych yourself up to do it. And you just do it. Let's check off on our to do list. All right, six done, dishes done, removed cobwebs done. I mean, it's gotten really that bad. And of course, that is of deep concern. Because when you go back to what intimacy is meant to achieve in the relationship and how intimacy is described in Islam, and how Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam we hear so we've read so many Hadith of how he was intimate and very romantic with his wife. I think it's about time we start talking about it. I first of all want to talk about foreplay. Yes. And I think about a story my brother told me, which I thought was very

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hilarious. He had a friend he visited a while ago overseas. And after the wife had served them supper, and they had finished eating, he got up like his mother raised him as a good boy. He picked his plate up and was about to take it to the kitchen and the husband like no sit down. And he grabbed the plate from his hands and was about to leave the room. And he said this is for play. And I thought like this guy really, really gets it. So yes, let me start for the gentleman in the house that may not know or may be able to see this video later. There is something that I think we have to make clear that women make love emotionally. And men make love more physically. Now women making

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love emotionally what does that mean? There's a lot of mess going up or going on in our heads.

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You know, the kids

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a quarrel that you had earlier in the day or a look that you were given,

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you know, the how to make sure the house is kept clean and tidy. Like there is just so much going on, you know in the mind that it's not just that easy for women to just shut down and disconnect from all the chaos and

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All the hustle and bustle going on, and like the traffic jam in our heads and then just go into romance mode, it is very hard, some women may be able to pull it off. I don't know any. And I've asked many.

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And I've talked to and counseled so many. And they do say it's like, how can we fight in the morning and he wants sex at night, like, I don't get it. So of course, for me, I just give him what he wants. And just check it off on my to do list. And of course, like I said, that's not what intimacy is meant to be. So I think this is such an important thing that men do need to understand that if we are carrying baggage, if we have unresolved issues, if there was a misunderstanding, and it wasn't resolved, to see it through to the very end, it is very hard. If I sent you haven't forgiven me, it's very hard for me to emotionally disconnect that and go into intimacy mode into sexy mode. So

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there needs to be this deliberate conscious effort to unpack right before you go into expecting something from her. You need to address issues and resolve issues so that your wife does not start to think, or I'm just an object of sex, that there's no emotional bond or connection that's supposed to be attached to this very sacred

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part of the relationship. And I say very sacred, because that is the thing that you get to do with your legal wife that you cannot do, that will get you in serious trouble with your maker, if you breach that contract, that is the special thing that we can have with our spouse, which we cannot have with anybody else. So this is an important thing. Now, having said that,

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men are not made of wood, and they have needs. And of course, that also means that the wife has to also understand that sometimes the man doesn't get this part of separating these two things. And she has to also try and make an effort to know that his intimacy needs are so strong. A man's the number of time a man thinks about intimacy during the day would blow you away. I don't have the statistics. I've read it once. But honestly, it is mind boggling to think that a man gets a direction, over 100 times there's a study that was conducted and it's literally that bad, or were good for them. I don't know what to say.

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So this is something that is so important. Of course, if he's got a lot on his plate as well, maybe that's not really top of his list. However, he still wants to connect on that level. So you need to also as the woman watching as the wife, be considerate, be aware, and be conscious of trying to make sure that you are there for him. A lot of men justify infidelity because their wives are not willing to sacrifice. I hate to put it that way, it sounds so crude, but sacrifice whatever baggage just to make sure they meet their needs. And then,

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in the course of discussions with a lot of people again over the years, we found out that there is a high high rate of dissatisfaction because many just simply don't know how to how do I satisfy my spouse? And this applies to both the men and the woman? How do I satisfy her needs when she doesn't see what her needs are? Now some are very shy, some have a problem, actually saying this thing brings me pleasure. I enjoy this, some don't communicate, and I'm so sorry. If you can't communicate with your spouse, then don't complain if he can't meet your needs. However, there was a particular case my husband and I dealt with where man complained and justified infidelity, because he had

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bought his wife, all sorts of sexy lingerie, sex toys and things that he wanted that they would use to spice up the bedroom acrobatics, and so on. Unfortunately, she made a comment. She said, I'm not a prostitute. I'm not going to use these items. And before you know it, one thing led to another and like I said he justified that as his reason that he has fantasies, he has needs that are not being met. And unfortunately, he cheated himself. Of course Xena is cheating yourself because that is a relationship between you and your maker. And you're going to have to pay for that you're going to have to account to Allah for your actions. So no way. Should anyone ever imagine that. I'm seeing

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that his justification. Of course one needs to exercise a lot more self restraint. A lot more faith and Eman and fear of

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Finding Allah to refrain from doing what Allah forbids. But there needs to be this mutual communication between both couples, about their needs, their wants and fantasies and there has to be intentionality in everything we do. We have to be deliberate in making sure that we satisfy each other's needs. It is not something you should take lightly. I talk about intimacy constantly, as something that should be part of conversation, get comfortable with it. Many are shy, and I can understand if it's something that seems so private, and it makes you feel vulnerable, that it's hard for you to say, Oh, I enjoyed that. But this is your spouse, the only thing that you cannot do

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together is no sex. And when she's on her period, but everything else is a free for all. It's a buffet, have fun, be adventurous, enjoy what Allah has made her love. And do not listen to anyone who says, doing certain kinds of acts of sexual intimacy or haram like

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giving fellatio, oral sex. i There are so many words for it. I don't want to be vulgar, because I'm not sure who's watching. And I don't want to be misunderstood either. So let me just leave it at oral sex, it is not haram. Contrary to what some may tell you. Your husband's body is for you to explore and give him ultimate pleasure. But your wife's body is also there for the same thing for you to be adventurous for you to explore and know that you are meeting her needs as well. I came across three books

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by Habiba candy, which I have been reading lately, and I found them to be very rich, very insightful, and an eye opener. So those books or books I actually do recommend. Now while I recommend them, I also want to give a disclaimer, it is in no way meant to cause you, dissatisfaction. If your spouse is not able to meet your intimacy needs, absolutely not. But it's meant for the couple to put couples to read together so that they can discuss, you're meant to be partners in this partners in faith partners in life partners in every aspect. And this is meant as Allah says he has created for you mates, your mate is your buddy your charm, you know, the person

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you'll be chummy with, you should be free to talk about what you like and what you don't like. So this thing about pleasuring your spouse, helping them achieve climax in intimacy, that it's a mutual thing. It's not about one person doing it. One, bam, Thank you, ma'am. It's all over. It's about both. It's about being fair and being equitable when it comes to everything in the relationship. So for me, I think it's really important to share these three books with you because I think the will help. If you both read it, and you both talk about it, and talk realistically about what you can do and what you can't do. For women. Of course, we all know, I know you're so eager to know what book

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I'm recommending, I'll get to you in a second. For women, we all know, it's much harder for a woman to climax for a man, you find the average timeframe is between sometimes 30 seconds, one minute to about five, seven minutes. It doesn't take them long. Because there is so much more going on in their head, visualizing fantasies and so on. So the way men think, of course, is so different from women, I, I was talking to someone who was sharing how difficult it is for her to climax. And this was years ago, and she said, it's easier to lay an egg for the climax. And it cracked me up because it's like, like, I kept pushing and trying everything, all the muscles and nothing seemed to be

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working. Ladies, y'all know what I'm talking about. But again, because of the baggage because of the mind, that's also another thing that messes you up. That's why foreplay is so important. And foreplay doesn't begin just at that time when you're going to be intimate with one another. So let me just get all those curious people who want to know the three books I'm recommending it's canasa taste of honey, and women of desire those three books by Habib, I swear to God to Allah, I don't know him from Adam and Eve. I've sent him a message on Instagram just to say, You know what? Well done. I love this book. And that's it. I've never met him. We've never even spoken. So I'm not

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getting any commission from recommending this book. And there are a ton of other books available as well that will help you because for me, I believe in, you know, self learning, evolving, upgrading, and improving in every aspect of my relationship. And that's why I try to share the little I have learned with you and kind of just maybe direct you on the

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so that you can also discover and what may be of interest to me, obviously may not be to you, and vice versa. But mine is just to suggest and yours is to go exploring. So intimacy, foreplay for women starts way, way, way, way, way much earlier than at that time when you do want to get down and dirty. So it requires you to both be aware, you know, and start building up flirting, giving compliments, gentle touch a gentle kiss. So this is for the guys in the house, this is not just something that you do, because that makes it a chore that makes it like work, especially when it's one sided. But when it's the holding hands, the hug, a bit of a squeeze here and there. Yeah, and a

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bit of touching of even where the sun don't shine, like doing all sorts of things to try and build up the momentum. If you're not in the same city, do not consider that to mean you cannot be intimate. Yes, you may not be physically together. But you can do a lot you can do what is called sexting, which is also building up to when you finally get together, where you send raunchy messages to one another, expressing what you want to do to them. And even pictures, however, with pictures, that's very dangerous today, because you never know where it will go. So sometimes using apps that are encrypted end to end, may be safe to do live instead. Because that allows you to know, okay,

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this is just me, myself and my spouse. And there is no risk that some of those apps that I've downloaded, I've given them permission to have access into my photos, and videos and so on. But so you got to be careful. I never ever download. I never download apps without reading the fine line to see what am I giving them permission to do because that is the risk. However, I strongly encourage you to do those kinds of things that his visuals with each other when you're not together because again, it keeps you top of their mind, it makes your spouse go crazy dying for the time they're going to see you. So that's just one other suggestion. Don't mind me. I'm just freestyling free

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talking. I've got no order to this discussion today. Mine is just let's start talking. Alright, so let me take a moment now and see what questions people may have or comments folks may have.

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Let's see, here we go.

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A lot of us, especially women just have sex to get over it with

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over with not because they feel it or wanted. Absolutely. And that's the reality. I think in so many marriages, that's why I say marriages are bankrupt of having true intimacy. True spice where it's something you look forward to where there is adventure there. You know, you do all sorts of stunts, you explore literally every inch of each other's body and you know, your ultimate game is to give each other maximum pleasure. This is 110% halau. This is recommended by your maker. This is an example set by Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam. So what else is remaining? We hear of when he bathed with his wife, right? Isn't that beautiful? Isn't that romantic? We hear of when she was on her

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period, and she would use a loincloth to cover her privates. But he would still be intimate with her but without penetration, keeping it Hello. So for God six isn't a hadith. Isn't that an example were supposed to emulate? And yet people act like you know, during a woman's period, she's decommissioned and she's an adjuster. So don't come near her. Well, Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam did. And it's there in our Scriptures for God's sakes. That's enough of an example and permission for us to also be adventurous. And I tell women, make sure you continue to please your spouse, especially with oral sex and other steps you can pull without the actual intercourse taking place. This is so important.

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Do not allow yourself to be decommissioned. Don't go out of business during that time, be creative, and keep it fun. Intimacy is just so so important in a relationship. I mean, that makes you look forward to coming home to each other. It makes you long for each other, it makes you miss each other. And it creates this lust this hunger. That's why I'm sharing this because girls, trust me, it can be much better, but it can't be done if there is no communication. So bring it on the table. Stop talking about it. Don't talk about it in a formal setting. Alright, it's time for us to talk about sex. No.

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Talk about it when you're sitting laid back, honey, you know the other day. That thing you did

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I really enjoyed that that kind of chat, you know?

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And ask your spouse, what do they enjoy? Ask them about their fantasies. What would they like you to do? What things would they like you to bring to life. Sometimes, of course due to various issues, you may not be able to do the stunts that your spouse wants you to do. But you can try to be creative. You can find alternatives you can play, find plan A, plan B, plan C, but have fun together. For me, that's the most important message. And then be very careful with pornography. This is why I always caution couples, don't go down that road because you set unrealistic expectations for one another, you start putting pressure on each other. If couples watch pornography together,

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that is dangerous if one couple is watching. That is dangerous. That's why it's haram. Don't even try it. Why? Because those things you see are actors, these are paid actors, they have tick one tick to tick 20. There is so much that falls on the editing floor you don't see the bloopers you don't see the mistakes before the editor has cut it. What you see is something finished polished with music in the background, making it look like oh, this is going to be good. And we can do the same. My wife can do that, or my husband can do that. The fitna from watching pornography will ruin intimacy in your relationship and eventually will ruin your marriage. Because these people have

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practiced and over practice, you practice and over practice with your spouse, but don't use that as your bar. Don't use that as the way you assess whether your spouse is good in the bedroom or not otherwise is otherwise it creates unrealistic expectations, then it the devil goes to work. And he now tells you there's somebody who can do that. And before you know it, both men and women today are involved in all sorts of atrocities of marriage Xena, with various people that they feel are able to satisfy their instant intimacy needs better than their spouse. So it's ruining marriages today, I encourage you to please not even try it. Now someone asked me Are you allowed to use sex toys? So

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that's a very difficult question to ask because it depends on what and how you want to use it. If you are using, let's say a dildo vibrator, on your own, that's masturbation, masturbation, depending on what madhhab what school of thought you have a year from, is haram in some and is Makrooh. In others, which is discouraged. For others, especially Maliki Maliki is conch it is this is just don't do it. Whereas some it's actually allowed if it will enhance the mutual satisfaction between the two spouses. Now I'm not a scholar. So don't look at me and think ooh, she's quoting, no, no, I'm not a scholar. I'm just sharing the little I've learned when I did my own homework, and I was asking

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questions. So what are the dangers of masturbation? Again, you first need something to trigger the fantasy or to arouse you. And often pornography ends up being the first port of call. So that is another monster in itself. However, once you start satisfying yourself without your spouse aiding you, without and so now I'm not talking about sex toys, I'll come back to that. I'm talking about masturbation, the risks. Once you start satisfying yourself, you get to know you know, your different levels, which your spouse can't possibly know, unless you communicate to them. And you are able to kind of like hit the spotty the way you want it, which your spouse may need a bit of

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practice and understanding exploration to be able to do so the drawback with you getting used to doing it on your own is that real life is no longer giving you that quick fix that, you know, the pleasure that you derive doing it you're on your own. However, as you get more comfortable going into masturbation, it actually has a psychological effect on you. It starts to kill I describe it as you start to kill your soul. Because you do end up feeling guilty folks who masturbate, always feel guilty at the end of it. So it's not as simple as it seems like okay, I've been able to climax and I feel better. I'm relieved. No, there's this feeling of disgust and self loathing that eventually

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starts to come with it. There's this girl who was 19 and she wasn't she was going to be getting married soon. But she was addicted to masturbation. And she was telling me, you know, she was masturbating with everything, furniture, pillow, everything she could find. And she was so addicted to it that she didn't know how, now that she's getting married. She can stop it. And how will her husband pleases and she knows exactly, you know, X marks the spot and so on. So

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I counseled her for about a year on that. But I just want to share this thing about if you've started, I asked you to do everything in your power to stop it immediately. Because it has long term damaging effects. For men of course, research has shown that it creates watery semen, premature ejaculation, and a whole bunch of other nasties that will affect your spouse at the end of the day, you won't be able to satisfy your spouse on your selfish path to just satisfying yourself. So be very careful with that. If you've started stopped it immediately if you've not started don't even be curious. Don't try it. Now with regard to using sex toys, what I often say is if it's something that

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both of you

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mutually doing together, and it's something you're down with you like some absolutely not haram haram, I'm gonna burn in hell, if I do it, whatever. For me, it's just an it's really an individual thing. If your spouse is involved, and you're both pleasing each other pleasuring each other, then I think it's safe to say, if it's working for you do so however, there is a high risk when a woman has something other than her man that is penetrating her. It exposes her to enjoying something that for a man who climaxes quickly, she may end up going into masturbation because she derives more pleasure from that. So that's what I wanted to emphasize with regard to using sex toys, then let me just

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quickly run through and see, is there anything else that people have asked? Here we go? Let's see.

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Okay, you're right, ma'am. A lot of men ignore.

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Part that feels sex can be can resolve issues.

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And, okay, sorry, I think I get it that a lot of men think self sex will solve the problem. Sex is meant to be a bonding

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activity in the relationship. However, if it is just used to quench a need, but the main issues haven't been addressed or dealt with, you can put a cluster, you can put cluster in a wound that isn't going to heal, you have to deal with the baggage and I promise you, you are going to get the best of your spouse. If you have resolved issues first, before you bring intimacy into the equation. Then there was something I wanted to say just keep my mind however, I will continue Oh, and then another word of caution, because men complain about this when they write and talk about intimacy is that women use headache as an excuse, or whatever. All sorts of excuses when they know their spouse

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wants to be intimate with them, all of a sudden, they fall sick, all of a sudden they develop outs, all of a sudden something happens. Do not use do not bring up frivolous excuses as to why you won't be intimate with your spouse. If you are not in the mood, express it to them, but in a kind way, and help them understand why and hopefully it will lead to a discussion that will help you address the issue so you can move on so that you can enjoy each other. However, never, ever, ever, never use sex as a bargaining chip. Do not ever use it to say okay, I'll let you have this. If you let me have that. Do not use sex to negotiate. Don't, it's not healthy for the relationship. I just wanted to

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get that out of the way as well. Alright, let's see here. What else? What else? What else?

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Okay, just checking to see if there's any question or comments. Okay, sex is something that works with the mind. Absolutely. For many, especially women, it is the mind. However, it's still a mutual thing. I mean, sex is meant to be pleasurable for both and I know a man will have maximum pleasure if his wife is involved. If it is just she's lying there and you quench your thirst for intimacy, unfortunately,

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let me just say this something much better if you were both having more of a deliberate intention to satisfy each other. Okay, some men cheat and they blame their wives. Yes, absolutely. I know. This is something that has I've already addressed before. But it is no justification. There is never, ever, ever a justification for infidelity. There is never, ever a justification for infidelity. In fact, I know I've read in certain mud hubs that if a man's urge is greater than what his wife can satisfy, he's allowed to make

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masturbate. Like I said, it's mcru and it carries it's another monster in itself. So it's safer not to, but he's allowed to masturbate to release that desire. So he doesn't go and commit to now because during the night is a greater evil, so I just wanted to clarify that. Okay.

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As sex toys haram, no, they are not like I said before, but let it not lead to haram Let it not be something that leads you to do something really bad. Like, you know, you're watching pornography, and you're copying what you're seeing, or it leads you to masturbation, which is mcru, highly discouraged, and so on. licking each other's private parts, absolutely have fun with each other. This is definitely something you can explore. For women, especially women, they find that to be kind of icky, like, women have described it, giving oral sex for some women. Let me clarify for some women, they think it's disgusting. I've seen women scrunch their face and say, oh, so gross, and so

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on.

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But if that is what pleases your spouse, then you do need to do what you need to do to satisfy your man. You cannot you put aside all the keenness your feeling, and so on, and do what you have to do to make him fulfill his failure to fulfill his fantasies. So but if it's something you enjoy, if you don't enjoy it, communicate that you don't enjoy it. Sometimes it's the men that want to do it badly. But their wife doesn't want it. That's one of his fantasies. So try, make sure he understands it's not something you enjoy. But once in a while, allow him to please himself, if that's what makes him happy. I think that's what I would say in that area. But for women, I know many would say, you

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know, they find it to be gross. Trust me, it's a mental thing. Program your mind that you are pleasing your husband, you are satisfying his needs, you are bringing his fantasies to life, you are meant to be that one's one stop shop for everything that your spouse needs, for everything your spouse wants. However, it's supposed to be the same the other way around. So both have to be that's why I keep emphasizing this would both have to be intentional, both have to be deliberate, both have to go out of their way to make sure they ask their spouse, what you know, what are your fantasies, what do you want? What am I not doing? What should I do differently, bring it onto the table and

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talk about it. This is such an important area, you can spice up the marriage by doing so much. Start your day.

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Making sure that if you aren't going to be intimate, at least you hug you kiss you there's some physical contact between you and your spouse. If you're together. If you're not together, it's not an excuse, send a message or start a whatsapp video or any kind of video where you see each other. And you talk about things. Talk about your fantasies, do dirty talk, whatever it is, but you have to try your best to keep this thing top of each other's mind and keep it as a priority in a relationship. Make it important, make it something you do consciously. And don't use children as an excuse not to be intimate with your spouse. A lot of women once they get pregnant, of course, their

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hormones go ballistic on them and things just go haywire. However, I still see make it make an effort. I'm not seeing when you're going through morning sickness, you're feeling sick as a dog, you should try going into things like that. And you would hope and I pray you have a considerate spouse that will be understanding. But you need to also be very understanding that your spouse has needs and he's not made of wood. So try try your best to see how you can pleasure each other no matter what happens. You have young children, be creative. That's where quickies come in. Where you have to be adventurous. You have to find ways of doing you know, like shop shop, but continue to make sure

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you do not neglect this very important area because you have children being very creative. Sometimes you send them over to Grandma's house, or to a babysitter or whatever. But you make time for this because it's that important. All right. Let me see what else we've got going on here.

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Okay. Everybody seems to want to know if oral sex is haram. It is not. It is not haram. Absolutely. I know there's such a huge misconception. That's why I'm saying people aren't talking about this. We need to make this mainstream. Whoever is watching right now. If you organize events, organize lectures, I pray to Allah that you will organize an event where scholars come and talk about intimacy. Talk about the romantic Prophet sallallahu wasallam and the examples he said

00:35:00--> 00:35:19

For us talk about what it is. That's why I love the books that brother Habiba candy wrote, because he connects it with the Quran and Sunnah. I think that's the best part for me that he brings quotes and references that back up what he is encouraging us to do in relationships. So definitely check out those three books. Alright.

00:35:21--> 00:35:25

What is this about somebody? I'm sure by now you know what this is about? All right.

00:35:26--> 00:35:36

I think more how sir ladies and women need to be here because most of them have little or no knowledge about sex. How do you know? How So ladies, you're busy generalizing.

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So suspecting you. Alright, actually, the thing is, it is the reality that our parents don't teach us these things. Many, some cultures they do. That's why the book vinyasa is actually about a country and a culture where they encourage they teach men how to pleasure their women. It is part of the culture like you're not a man, if you can't make your elk, your wife climax, if you can't help her squirter. Listen, that anyway, I'm not going to go into that in full detail. But I asked you look for the book and read it. So this thing to do with them not knowing? Yeah, so who's going to teach them because the scholars are talking about it. And we need we need to stop making it a taboo

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subject, we need to start talking about this regularly, so that people get enlightened get to know, I remember getting a lot of messages, DMS and emails from women who say, Why does sex hurt so much, and sex doesn't need to hurt? What is the problem is the woman is not lubricated. That is it and you're not lubricated. Because you're not aroused. It's a natural secretion that comes from the body when you are in the mood. So of course, if you're not aroused, you're not going to be lubricated. However, your husband wants to be satisfied. And you now have to give him what he wants, but it hurts you. Sex is not meant to be painful. So that's when I share with people that with women that

00:37:03--> 00:37:50

you buy lubricants, you start to introduce lubricants into the relationship. You can buy lubricants online, you can buy them in pharmacies online, you can get more adventurous because that's where you get flavored ones, you can get strawberry flavored chocolate flavors, and so on. However, just go to any pharmacy and look for like right here in Nigeria, just look for KY jelly, tell your pharmacist, you want KY jelly. It's a lubricant, water based. And so it does not. It does not create friction, it's slippery. And so it allows for a smoother experience between the two spouses. And you can use lubricants, when you are offs a lot on other body parts, or leave your imagination to go to work

00:37:50--> 00:38:33

here. I'm not going to go into that. But those lubricants are absolutely wonderful because they prevent friction for your spouse, when he's not able to penetrate you when he wants to use other body parts for intimacy and so on. So look for key why jelly, and that should take care of that and you just put a little bit either he puts it on himself or you put it on you. And it just makes it much easier and less friction however, don't put too much. Because for the man, he does want a bit of resistance and he you know, it shouldn't be too. So find a balance in between overtime, you'll get to know and again if you communicate regularly and express what you're feeling, he'll be able to

00:38:33--> 00:38:40

see what works for him and you will be able to know the right quantity that works for you. Simple right? Alright, here we go.

00:38:42--> 00:38:48

Let's see any more questions. Oh, but he's asking questions you guys are allowing me to Yep, all by myself here.

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Can you type the names? Okay. I'll just see them quickly. If I type now I'll have to grab my phone off this tripod. So it's taste of honey canasa and women of desire. That's it and I will put it I'm sure this video will be saved so I will save it in the write up below. And the author's name is Habib, a candy. I think he's a British. He's seems like a Nigerian who grew up in the UK from his accent but like I said, I don't know him. I don't know him. Alright, great. Somebody has helped me.

00:39:26--> 00:40:00

Khadija I think or somebody just helped me post the names. Absolutely. May Allah bless you. Thank you for doing that. And somebody has tagged Habib here so perfect. And then you might want to also follow some people who share educational things related to intimacy. Now this is not pornography. This is actually people who teach and offer courses on intimacy. Like there are a few that I'm following. Sadly, I for the life of me, can't remember the name immediately off the cuff but I just recently

00:40:00--> 00:40:45

started following a lady whom I saw, actually teaches lessons on various things from oral sex, to other stunts, bedroom acrobatics, and so on. Subhanallah I promise you, I will put it I will. Yeah, I will tag her in this post this video so you can go look for her there. I know she does classes. And I think that is wonderful. She's not a Muslim, but who cares, right? When it comes to gathering knowledge, the source doesn't matter. The most important thing since everything that is being taught is not haram. That is with regard to intimacy between you and your spouse. Then everything goes learn from anywhere and everywhere. You can go on YouTube as well, though, and actually find videos

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that will teach you how to improve in the bedroom side and make sure it is not pornographic. You'll find people describe it. And that's good enough you Your imagination is an amazing tool. So yes, I think you don't want to keep this thing going on for too too long. So since I'm not seeing questions, I promise you, I'll be coming back with many, many, many, many more topics like this related to intimacy. I pray this knowledge has been have been a benefit to somebody, I hope you will have the courage to strike the strike up of a conversation with your wife or with your husband about intimacy so that you can improve in this area. May Allah make this because there is so much blessing

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in it but may Allah strengthen the bond between you and your spouse and increase you in blessings by doing this thing that is so fulfilling. That strengthens the relationship and inshallah prevents fitna All right let me see I'm not seeing much other than just mashallah enjoying this. Well, I'm so glad you're enjoying this all right.

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Yep, there we go. I'm not seeing anything that I have missed. Okay, yes, I promise you I will save the life. What should you focus on when courting? That's a topic for another day. I've done a premarital talk and I'm doing a few others with Sister Emma Roberts soon inshallah. That one is going to be exciting because it's going to be a masterclass that I will be offering there on her with her, so inshallah you will join me for that. But when it comes to intimacy, do not, do not talk about intimacy with your spouse to be the devil will go to work and cause some kind of trouble so I asked you please keep away from that topic. You have the rest of your life together to discuss

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intimacy, but not during the premarital stage. That is not one of the things you guys should talk about. Definitely not. Alright, I think I will shut up now and stop here. I hope you have found this to be of benefit. May Allah bless you all. Thank you so much for joining me. Just Akuma Lau Hiren Have a wonderful evening. Have a wonderful union with your spouse and enjoy the bedroom acrobatics dilemma lay common over and out from me