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Finding Solace after Death

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Maryam Lemu

Channel: Maryam Lemu

Episode Notes

Maryam & Nuruddeen Lemu with Alburuj press

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Because something

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bad about a katana

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taught me one more thing in our

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in

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our from Montana,

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Montana

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Solomonic month we're going to talk

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after praising Allah subhanaw taala and sending salutations upon

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some olive oil in recent months, I was quoted a verse in front of you from Silikal Mr. Gamma reminds that believe

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Allah shouldn't be

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removed. And you know except

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for Today the topic we find ourselves on handling is the topic of finding solace after death. And ultimately, each one of us as Allah subhanaw taala says

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that each and every soul will go through death.

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So today's segment really has been, especially in the situation that we found ourselves in in the last

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12 months or more. So I'm talking upon COVID-19 and so forth, we have 1000s of people around us who have passed away. Globally, we've seen over a million people pass away. And many of these have been Muslims and many of these have been those who are dear to us, relatives, family members and so forth. So we find it pertinent and important for us to be able to discuss how we can find solace in these difficult times. Naturally, sadness, grief, anxiety will overcome those who have lost their mothers, their fathers, their grandparents,

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and through this and inshallah find a effective mechanism where we come where we can ultimately, enroll in Allah is rush and come closer to Allah subhanho wa Taala in these difficult times. We are blessed today and humbled enough to have two guests with us all the way from Nigeria, who are both actually British 100 and not too. Not that that matters. But we are proud especially in the UK, that we have two homegrown from

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Nigeria we have Mr. Mohammed goroutine lemonwood of us today, and we have mme Nemo salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah.

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Wa Alaikum Salaam Rahmatullah.

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We also have my co host today with us. Robert Ubaid Han, who is a very talented videographer and someone who is the founder or co founder of the new pilot, Abu Salah Malik my

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brother today, I plan Okay, so, what I'm gonna do is go straight into the program, for those who are listening in, just put down maybe where you're listening from, you've got people from Singapore, from Malaysia from,

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from Nigeria, from the UK, from France at the moment. So, once we're talking just write down where you are listening in from and then inshallah probenecid salaam from Canada. So, we have a very international audience here today in humble in LA.

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I purposely did not go through a biography of

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actually when I saw a brief biography, I started reading about both of your backgrounds, the backgrounds of the family, and I really felt that before we really go into the topic, that we even get to know both of you inshallah, who will be educating us today.

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At the same time, we ask Allah subhanaw taala to make to offer the results of your father

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passed away in December, we ask Allah subhanaw taala that he enables both of you, the family members to be

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continuous and inshallah he is resting and inshallah intergender. I'm in Europe in sha Allah.

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Both have a very interesting background. When I read your background, your father Mashallah he was born in the late 20s if I,

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if I recall, and then he obviously studied his studies in the village of lembu, which which I was happy with his surname, anyway, and eventually he ended up he ended up in the UK, your mother at the same time. She was from the US

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They actually. And they had obviously met through the Dharma work which they had convened during the university studies and so forth. And for me, it's interesting because obviously your father

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was a student at the University I studied in. He was one of the early graduates in the 50s. And your mother martial law, she studied Chinese. And she studied Mandarin as a decree. So I know it's Valentine's Day today, and I'm not really going to go into Valentine's Day, I told my students that the union of your mother and father was a love story. And I was just wondering if you could just tell us more about them, because it's just interesting. Obviously, reading from, from journals online and so forth has a certain amount of information. But I'm sure you both can maybe enlighten us how your background was in terms of your upbringing, with both of your parents under and the

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impact that they had in short.

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Okay, thank you very much brothers. I'd like to say ladies first, but unfortunately, the lady is a bit younger, and probably can't remember a lot. No, but I remember too much.

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Yes, as you said that born in Nigeria, and in the mid 50s,

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London for Studies at the University.

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We said that born in Nigeria, and

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he met with her there she was also active within the Muslim community. She had embraced Islam already. And they met during a number of programs. They set up forces along with their colleagues. That was the generation that started forces. Then he came back to Nigeria and she got posted as part of the British Foreign Service, following what they call it where you went to serve in, in the Commonwealth countries. And so she worked in Carnival he was in Sokoto, we had moved to Ecuador the time

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cut a long story short, they eventually got married and one after the other me first and then Maryam comes along about nearly three years later, and Alhamdulillah they are inshallah together again. And

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hamdulillah My father was already married to my stepmom, and

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Elia haha. And interestingly, one of his pieces of advice that my mum reminds us of was when his advice to her is, you know, don't marry somebody who's already married.

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And one thing I remember from my stepmom is, and she was always proud to tell us that, that when my mum got interested in my dad, she actually asked her permission, if she would agree. And my stepmom told her, you know, like in Africa, or at least this part of Africa, it's expected, polygamy was the norm in that time, and to a great extent, still is in some places.

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But so she said, You're most welcome to the name of family. And so we grew up with parents who are 100 happy with each other. And it was wonderful growing up Alhamdulillah

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Okay, so, your your, your mother passed away? You know, I'm reading a statement of

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President Muhammadu Buhari, he said, sr, OSHA level admirably dedicated her life to scholarship and moral upliftment

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producing massive literature on religious education showing a remarkable life on Earth. So now, what I wanted to ask you is, is how has that impacted your own upbringing and the only one that you're doing that Mashallah your mother.

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She was very, you know, like, I'm just reading about her she was very active in her knowledge, but activism at the same time to try to get back to the community. So how has that impacted you generally? And and just why does the fight of Nigeria

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hamdulillah

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because I do give lectures on parenting. I often tell parents, don't tell them show them. And my brother and I were privileged enough to see, especially my mother, my father as well. My mother showed us how we should

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Muslims how we should live Islam. We saw Islam in motion Islam personified in her character, her kindness, her compassion, her generosity and generosity in the kind of love she gives people with no prep prejudice. She welcomed people with open arms, she gave people opportunities, she uplifted the people around her. And during her life, she focused on planting seeds, literally prompt planting seeds because she was passionate about nature, kindness to animal protecting Allah's creation, but she also planted seeds by handing over to the next generation before Allah called her home, the things she had learned. So we were both privileged enough that by the time because she was diagnosed

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with dementia, which gradually became Alzheimer's and Parkinson's, by the time she lost her memory, we didn't know how the veteran was just trying to, you know, hand it over to us because we were ready to continue. So seeing the books that she had written, and May Allah bless her because by the time she passed away, it was very humbling to hear the number of people who said, because of your mother's books, your mother's lectures, I embraced Islam. And then the organizations that she was involved in establishing, like someone the Federation of Muslim women association of Nigeria, that is her that was her baby, she was so passionate about having an umbrella organization that would

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bring Muslim women together Muslim organizations together, and empower women Let there be power in numbers, and they were a force to be reckoned with. I was at home one day, my for my mother's Alhamdulillah. Many of them are still around, but they continue to talk about the fact that even the he job today that we were in Nigeria, was started by homeless.

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That's what pushed it and many of them are now proud to celebrate a job they have the courage and strength to wear it to work and feel proud of their modesty of their identity that this is a symbol of their faith. I don't know what you would add to that. Yeah, I think she did try to institutionalize things. So if there was a problem, it wasn't just, she would keep hammering at it, but gather groups around it, see how to turn it into an organization. So you have a number of organizations, such as the Federation of Muslim Women's Association, the Association of model Islamic schools, which was the first umbrella organization for Islamic schools

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that were involved in formal education, of course, the Islamic education trust, which is another big legacy that both of them left behind, and Alhamdulillah their contribution to other organizations. So this whole issue of

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packaging things with the understanding, you want to leave, but you don't want it to die? You want to build it to last beyond you realizing with so many other organizations, including non Muslim organizations, that was part of the culture that we were raised with, you know, to always partner and let there be peaceful coexistence and so on. Yeah.

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Well, you're

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someone who was

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really you know, he was in the Dow films for more than half a century. You know, he had

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honorary PhDs from altavilla University, from the Concordia University. And and really the pinnacle of that was in 2014, when he was awarded the

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hoysala Award for his Islam which is something which is which isn't an award, which is nice to get Firstly, on something which was presented by King Salman of Saudi Arabia himself, who was who was the who was the governor of Riyadh at that time, actually. So now, his life obviously would have impacted both of you naturally, you know, how was the synergy between the mother and father were they both bouncing off one another or

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his backbone?

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I'm sure the I'm sure the mother was pushing the father of the in this case.

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I think they were pushing each other those two were Energizer bunnies full of I mean, they were always active. I know throughout our childhood All I know is our parents was so busy establishing busy working busy serving Allah and humanity to the best of their ability.

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I remember the afternoon teas that they would have every day while they're around and they would sit and be talking about ideas about how the day was but about new thoughts they have and they, they really consulted my dad did a lot of Shura, so did my mum with whatever it was that he thought they could do. I think one thing I know about my parents is, they never complained. They were problem solvers. Why they established the college, which I'm also involved in the New Horizons college, Amina is because they felt there was a void, there was something missing a gap when it comes to instilling morals and values in this in our children that they felt the normal secular education

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didn't offer. So being able to balance secular education with Islamic knowledge, and Islamic model, ethos was something they felt NEET was needed. And they just decided, you know what, let's just go for it. And they established the school. So I think it was more about just what are the problems? All right, let's think about how we solve it in our circle of influence. I think also, they both came from an education, background of teaching, and they climb the ladder, you know, head teachers, principals, administrators of school of schools, actually, that even became inspector of education for this region in northern Nigeria. But also, I think, mom's background, she grew up as a as a

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Christian, but then moved into Buddhism and a little into Hinduism.

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studied a little Judaism but didn't go in,

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nearly reached a level of agnosticism. You know, she did believe there was God, so not really an agnostic, but just not sure how to worship. And then she bumped into Islam. She said, the Malaysian student in a bus just handed her a copy of the Quran and never knew any who was it. She just knew this was a Malay students she read. And that just was the

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chain reaction that started

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and became Muslim, but because she read a lot about religion and other religions, and if it didn't make sense, she didn't buy into it. And so even after coming into Islam, that was one, I think, positive, stubborn side that she had, if it doesn't make sense, she would argue with my dad.

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When she became a Muslim, she learnt a lot from people from a Pakistani background. So she actually understood more Hanafi Fiqh, whereas my dad was traditional Maliki. And so on so many issues. If it just didn't make sense, she would consult and ask him to consult his own scholars. And so they did have their own debates. And I remember once they were in, in an argument on some topic, if I'm not mistaken, it was something on Qatar. And

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these are good arguments to have on Absolutely.

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Yeah, I mean, you bought on gave, it never ends. And so I remember my sister Marie, I'm crying. And my mom stopped and asked, What are you crying about? And my sister said, Miriam said, you're fighting. And that's when they look, no, we're not fighting. Then I remember them saying, look, we'll carry on later, you know, and so it was good. I mean, they have time to take us fishing. Everything we did horse riding, picnics, badminton, running, humbling lap, I also have good mix. We are really blessed to have parents like them coming in. You know, like, one of the reasons why I've asked you these questions also is I find it pertinent to the topic today, you know, what we spoken

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about,

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when we would put it under the three years of remembering the good times. And, and, and really, really, I feel that one of the ways that you can find solace, especially

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when you remember the good times of your parents, your grandparents of those of those not passed away, and especially for those of us that are living today, that encourages us to be able to do our work to be part of that work to be good. And so at least on the one day, those who are not

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those who are close to us, our children can inshallah maybe speak about these things of how we were in Santa. Once we were on the earth. Allah reward

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Talk to both of your parents in the united in the best of places. And

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I'm going to ask Robert Tobago to come in inshallah and inshallah to make us some focused questions on the topic today. And then we'll have an opportunity for those who are live, feel free to put your questions on the comments, inshallah. And then what we'll do is we'll go through our segment, and then following our segment of questions, then we'll take questions from the audience today. So I'll hand it over to Robert.

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Okay, so I'm gonna come to everyone out there who's listening and learning from our beloved scholars who we've got today. I'd like to just reiterate that, you know, we're so grateful to have both of you. And it was lovely actually, to hear about your, your parents, I think, just to echo what brother's aide said, it's really important given that we've lost so many of our elders that we take lessons from them, and we try and

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implement the the lessons that they've taught

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in our own lives, just as he said, so thank you so much for sharing that it was, it was lovely. So brother's eight, actually, he gave us quite a good amount of context in terms of what's been happening the last year, and a very, very sad statistic that over a million people last year passed away due to this very,

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very destructive virus. So given given that this is on our minds, what can a Muslim? What help Can I Muslim have from Islam, when it comes to that, like, what assurance does Islam give to those who have passed away?

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Um, well, I,

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I think I can use myself as an example as to how I view this whole thing. Because having the privilege of seeing my mother go through what she went through as much as it was hard, it was difficult. I see it's a privilege because in Islam, we Muslims know that if there's any form of suffering, even if it is a form that process, it's an expiation of our sins. So for me, I think it is unpleasant to see at certain points and very hard, but there is comfort in knowing that there is something good coming out of it. There's something positive coming out of it. But I shared this with my brother just before we started that I wasn't sure if it's okay for me to see. But I actually

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prayed that Allah would call my parents home when I saw my mom towards the very end, I need to I made nephila, I asked Allah the night before she passed, I said, Allah was about to in the morning, I said, Allah, please call her home. I thank you for the privilege of this gift of my mom. But I know, her being with you is better than being here. So I just asked him and Alhamdulillah by the morning, Allah accepted, I was there, I watched this, she went, and I was at peace I was at I was content, I think, let me use that word. I was content because I saw the life she led. I saw how simple she was how content she was with the simplest things. And Alhamdulillah she was never, you

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know, we weren't poor. But we weren't rich, either. We were content, we were comfortable. And that's something that I really appreciated the humility in spite of the fact that her wealth came from the number of people who loved her. That was her true wealth. And by the time she went,

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I think like neural continue, because I'm, I need to collect my thoughts and feel. I didn't know I'd have this problem. But go ahead. Do you continue mental works? Yes.

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Yeah, I think

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assurances to those who have passed away once you believe in the hereafter and as Allah says to the prophets, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah hirato highroller camino hula, the Hereafter is better than this one. We do know, you know, this is not held Alhamdulillah it's not paradise. It's earth. And it has a purpose. It comes with its challenges and pain and suffering and also the fun

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and happiness that comes in that big mixed package. But we know that whatever suffering a person goes through, they are compensated by Allah, either by an expiation of sins or reward. The Prophet Allah wa sallam said, you know, even things you prayed for relief, you ask Allah for that you don't give on the Day of Judgment. Allah compensates you with a reward that makes you feel alive. Wish you didn't even answer any of my prayers. And so, you know, when you know insha Allah that is what is waiting when you know

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They're not disappearing, they're not like missing persons will never see them again, we're not sure they've just changed the dress. They just, you know, as Allah says, We're not, you know, a lot of Oulu lemma, Dr. Luisa de la Martin don't say of those who have died in Alaska, they are dead, they are alive though we don't perceive that. So they're still there. They're not gone forever. And if you look at even how the Koran presents it, that people on the hereafter people also say people in the other side

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start discussing with each other regarding the amount of time they were on earth and they're looking at it where we therefore just part over day a day. In other words, I would assume that by the time those who have met this will get to the hereafter before they finish getting to know each other catching up with parents grandparents, not sure whether they adjust to

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time zones, but um, you know, those who have left behind would have joined them. And so I think for those who have lived good lives, Allah promises them a better life in the hereafter. And I think the solace is the fact that you know, Alhamdulillah, these wonderful human beings did the best they could to fulfill their purpose in life, they did it so well. There's a hadith where the Prophet sallallahu wasallam said, when a person's funeral is attended by 100 people, that is evidence that these are people who have been accepted by Allah. So when you see 1000s of people, literally 1000s of people gathered gathering for those funerals, it gives you extra solace, extra comfort, of

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course.

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You do have places where even if people wanted to attend COVID restrictions, would would stop that. But then even there, you have the solace the prompts, Alana Salam said, Whoever dies from a respiratory illness, which COVID plague any of these things, they get compensated with Jana. So you know, you just feel there's nothing really to worry about, they're not missing us, we're missing them, we're missing the opportunity to have done more good. But then if you love a person, and you know, the Hereafter is better for them, than you look at them as being in a much better resting place. My dad always kept saying,

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I'm always you know, he always talked about himself being in the waiting room just waiting to be called to board the flight to the hereafter. So that teaching of Islam of being prepared for that to remember we belong to Allah, we return and that's a reality, not just some theoretical construct, a source of source of comfort Alhamdulillah. And I think if I may add to that, recently, I was doing a bit more research on how to really articulate my thoughts about this whole concept of death now having lost both our parents and may Allah have mercy on her our stepmother as well. I loved where Sheikh Omar Suleiman was describing what happens, because I am I'm not a scholar I'm learning. But

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what happens after we pass away and how he said, the righteous those who the righteous souls will be there to welcome if you are a righteous soul, you when you come to your grave, they are excited to have you they are asking questions. The life they had up until the point they were called home. They ask about their loved ones. How is this person is this one married? Does this one have children, enough that some of the other righteous ones will see allow this person to rest they've just arrived and but the fact that there is a life after our passing and like brother Nora said, this is just our temporary about that is actually the permanent one. I think it's comforting to know that they are

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not alone and that if they are righteous, if they if we live a good life, that there is excitement, there is energy. There is company in the here after insha Allah however, there was a thing of caution, which was a wake up call for me that when they are asking about some of their loved ones, the person the soul that just passed, we'll see but this person died before me. How come you're asking me and it turns out that person unfortunately didn't make it to this site. And they're probably now suffering in the grave and facing their own deeds, you know, bad deeds, but it is something that makes us hopefully be able to remember do everything in our power to be as righteous

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and to guide ourselves and guide others on the street path. Insha Allah, Allah forgive them and forgive us. And in sha Allah, you know, I really like the the image that your father used about being in a waiting room at

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The at the airport. And it actually reminds me of when I was young, going to the airport to see my grandparents leaving to go to Bangladesh. And I would see that my, my mum, and everyone would get very emotional. And I think to myself, Oh, you know, like, they're just, you know, we're going to see them again.

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And it reminds me of actually, you know, how brilliantly your father put it that

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way, you know, it is another destination. But that actually brings me to the next question and how, you know, we, we are people who we forget sometimes that we're going to ultimately go to the athlete. And so sometimes we can feel incredibly emotional. And we can feel like such a sense of loss. So for for people in that situation, what can you say to them to, to, in a positive way channels that emotion?

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Are you talking about? If they lose loved ones, or the fact that they know maybe that they are going Which one do you mean?

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Both? Actually, that's that's a good point, because many people right now will be sitting at the bedside of people who are leaving, but yeah, maybe you could touch on both.

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Um, well, I think

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if you are leaving, then a lot has to do with how well have you prepared? How much trust and love do you have for Allah?

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Because a lot of the deen is preparation for death is so much on remembering that remembering Allah, that death is really is just changing locations.

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Excuse me.

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For for those who are bereaved for those who have lost someone, I think that feeling of loss never goes away.

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It will keep coming back. It may reduce in its intensity. But if we look at really great strong people, even people like Omar bin photog, he went through what today we would call a trauma. Like he said, I'll kill anybody who says Muhammad has passed away slowly or Salaam

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until Abu Bakar reminded him of the verse of the Quran. You know, Muhammad is a human being like you and many prophets have passed before and you know, so would he? And he said, You know, that's the first time he will recognize, you know, Allah has already answered that question. So people do go through trauma, and we're supposed to try and rally around them. And it's important to do this to also be submitted to us, or Bill Maher, Hama, to show compassion to show empathy. It's important for us who are going through that grief to try and turn moments of grief into moments of joy, to try and use the sadness as a signal to remind us that even though we can't hug, we can't kiss we can still

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give gifts, we can still do to our we can still do various forms of Sonic avatar Giardia that continue

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something my wife, once you know, she uses a metaphor that I found very useful when people come to condole.

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She said, it's like our parents are gardeners. And they planted a lot some we saw them planting others, we didn't see them planting, we work school or busy with this and that. And it's when they pass away, that various people come with all sorts of species of new flowers and fruits and say this I got from your parents, and you know, so that's very comforting when people come and share the good. So I feel we've been given the opportunity to show gratitude to Allah for our parents insha Allah that we become that sadaqa jariya. but to also remember that, for those who are going through difficulty, probably nobody can give them better comfort that somebody who has already gone through

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that difficulty. So it's more like a striper qualification you have when you have lost somebody to recognize you have a special gift of being able to empathize on a much deeper level than people who haven't done so don't get too carried away with your pain. Don't get paralyzed by it. Try and see how you can use the pain of others as a test of your faith and be productive in helping them as you have been helped to. Yeah, if I may add to that, I think most often people say well, it's time to move on. And I love the fact that again or silly man was talking about you completely move on but move forward with them. You don't let go of them. I know I carry my mother everywhere I go because

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she taught me so much.

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If I sit in a garden and I see the leaves rustling and the breeze going through and I feel the coolness on my face, I think of her because she made me aware of those things. I see a butterfly hopping from flower to flower. She made me see I see a beautiful flower, I smell it, she helped me sense that there are these gifts that Allah has scattered all over this universe for us to take and enjoy. earlier this afternoon, I was sitting in my room and there was this ridiculous orchestra of birds just chirping and jibber jabbering away. And I immediately thought of her and I needed to offer her because I keep thanking Allah for the majesty of his creation. She helped me see those

00:35:40--> 00:36:24

things, things as a mother, so they honor them. You know, I always asked myself, you know, am I honoring her enough now that my father is gone? Am I honoring him enough and something happened soon after our father passed me Allah have mercy on him. And I was getting angry. And I was upset because some people were doing things that were very annoying. And I was complaining and venting to my brother. And he wanted me he said, Remember the life that our parents LED, remember what they stood for? How forgiving like my father's mantra Was it fabula t our son returned evil with good. And we know he went through hardship, he went through trials that we've never even seen, we can't even

00:36:24--> 00:37:09

imagine. And yet he kept forgiving. And then Allah was able to reach him and elevate him, above those who are trying to hurt him. And he reminded me of how kind mommy was and how forgiving she was, as well. And he said, If you stoop down, and return blow for blow, You're no different than those people you are angry with, my husband kept reminding me of the same thing. He said, Do not, do not stoop down, because that is not how your parents would do it. And he kept so I really love the fact that it is a certificate for them that I am living the example that they taught me because I now go into my long term memory and think of all the gifts they've given me in character. And I

00:37:09--> 00:37:48

asked, Where did I learn this? Mommy taught me? Where did I learn that Baba taught me, and then I make a dua for them. And insha Allah, it's a sadaqa to injuria. And I am a witness for them. So for those who are seeing their loved ones, feeding it before their eyes, keep remembering all the things they taught you and then honor them. honor them by remembering and living your best life through the examples they taught you. And there's nothing better for a parent that they should see their children better than them greater than that when my father always said, whatever you're doing, improve upon it. So do it even better than your parents did. But make it to our for them or your

00:37:48--> 00:38:43

loved ones, whoever it may be. Now make it easy. I mean, that's beautiful. I think what's so powerful about that is that it's such a, it's such a practical thing to do in their honor to to live the example that they that they left left for us. So on that note, can you maybe give us a few extra practical tips and pieces of advice for someone who has lost someone, just in the way that you said that we should try and honor our parents by all those who have lost by living there example? Can you give a few other examples and tips, practical ones? Well, I think of a few one that my dad did when his parents passed away. He had a standing arrangement for food distribution every week on behalf of

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his dad, on behalf of his mother. And also he had some charity he would do periodically on behalf of some of his teachers.

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And so something I have found useful has been tree planting. That's something my mom was very passionate about. And I tried to not plant anything less than about two to 300 trees. Every year. A couple of friends got together, they're also interested in doing something so so far, it's been between five to 1000 trees, we've been planting every year in one year we did even more than 2000. So you know, that's something where

00:39:27--> 00:39:35

as the apostle Alia was Salam said, even any creature that benefits from a tree you plant is a reward and my praise that goes to my mother.

00:39:36--> 00:39:55

And we arranged with my sister for a scholarship program for various distant relatives to be able to carry on with their education for as far as they can go. And we do that on behalf of at least my intention for my father, in that that is for most of his side of the family.

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And then of course, just try and institutionalize that

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Other cartoon Giardia they left behind to make it ours also so that the good that they left behind continues on ours just add to that, I would say from a practical side also, during the time of the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him whenever he remembered for deja, he would give out a charity, either meat or something that would bring a smile to somebody's face. In other words, the sadness of one actually brings happiness to another and many more. As a result of that. I would also say one thing I noticed, especially from Marian, when our parents passed away,

00:40:41--> 00:40:48

she like inside her, she's the manager type of person. So before you knew it,

00:40:49--> 00:41:33

feeding for gets taken care of. And some people have this ability to just package their feelings aside, they will come and deal with it, meanwhile, have the hospitality compassion and everything I saw that in my parents, I saw that in her also an Al Hamdulillah to remember that you're not the only person who lost someone, other siblings lost someone so half time for them to if Allah has given you shock absorbers that allow you to handle the pain or process it a little better than probably to look for who within the family is finding it more difficult to process that and to be able to be a source of compassion, even though you would expect people should give it to you. But

00:41:33--> 00:42:18

look at allows your comfort and the fact that Allah has made it easy for you, you try and make it easy for others. So I found that very useful. And of course, La Ilaha Illa, Allah, any time you remember them, the minimum, at least La Ilaha Illa. Allah, Allah, give them the best in the hereafter. And also ask Allah to forgive them for their shortcomings. Again, sometimes when I'm giving my talks, I see sometimes our parents get it wrong, or our loved ones mess up royally. Some, and the pain is there, the scars, the ones are, they're not hard to heal. But the healing comes when you surrender everything to Allah, and know that they are human, fallible just as we are. And

00:42:18--> 00:42:59

sometimes they couldn't do better because they didn't see better, they didn't have the right example, we have no excuse because we saw the best of example. So of course, the way under which questioners will be quite different from those who grew up may be seen in a dysfunctional family. So I know for us, you know, this is something that I see often if you are hurting, because the loved one that has passed caused you pain, handed over to Allah, pray for them. ask Allah to forgive them, you don't know their story, there are things they may never, they may have gone to the grave with. So ask for forgiveness. But even if In your opinion, they were an angel. That's our mortal opinion,

00:42:59--> 00:43:46

still ask for forgiveness for them. Then another just a quick practical thing. I know my mom was good at teaching and teaching in the sense of just you know, read a book to someone, it helps people learn literacy, read basic reading and writing. And that's something that for me, I find any opportunity that I couldn't go to a school where I know these kids won't have a better opportunity to learn the stuff that we were privileged to have been given then let me share the little I have gathered because I don't know if I may, you know spark or switch on the light put the door in them that may inspire them to do even greater things or be better people. So for me that thing of touch

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people's lives one person at a time Alhamdulillah Allah has given us the blessing of technology today that allows us to come to the whole world through this medium so to be able to do this and make the intention that this thing I'm doing allow me the reward of it go to my loved ones like neural likes to say feasibility law and free serving the law. So let those things the intention should go to the loved ones with you know that you want it to go to it just makes the weight less heavy. When you do send out all this love. You know, in the name of Allah to your loved ones if I may add if you don't mind. Brother juggler.

00:44:26--> 00:44:56

I think you can't fully prepare for the passing away of someone. It's a unique experience. It comes with its own pain that you need to go through in order to qualify to be an instrument of Allah's Rama to others. So yes, it is painful, and it is difficult to find solace but you know, after hardship is relief. This is it's never the first time people are losing others. But it's really how to channel that grief to something good

00:44:57--> 00:44:59

and cry. You know, I'm led to

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flow. It's the way the hot sweats. The Prophet sallallahu wasallam cried, and scholars in the area of tasawwuf and purification of the heart actually described your line, the dryness of the eyes, the inability to cry as a symptom of a diseased heart. So it actually shows your human that you have these feelings, that it's difficult to graduate from this pain that's human that's, that means your love was deep, that you have the ability to touch another human on such a deep level. So why the pains You should also be proud that you are able to have that type of feeling. So it's definitely not easy. People need help. That's why we find this to also be suffer colossal Bill hakoah. So Bill,

00:45:47--> 00:46:02

Maher, Hama, the need to work with others. But for those who have gone through it before to appreciate they have a special role, because they've got a special ability to help touch those who are going through it for the first time.

00:46:03--> 00:46:47

I fell, I think what's what's really lovely about your advice is that ultimately, it creates just more positivity in the world. It's about serving others. And actually, I'm sure, share can share how you both already know this, but scientists in the states have actually found that one of the best ways to actually get happiness into our lives is actually by serving others, rather than serving ourselves. So you know, much like your advices it's, it's, it's beautiful, and it's also backed by science. Mashallah. So I'd like to move on to something else, which I think many people will, will definitely it will resonate with them purely because during lockdown, and during the last year, many

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of us found ourselves looking at our phones a lot more, or we were watching the news a lot more. Or maybe we were going on the internet and looking at the stats of all the you know, all the cases that are just going up and up.

00:47:00--> 00:47:22

And and, you know, we've had a very, like, tumultuous year last year with, with the elections in America and with the riots and protests, someone who's exposed to all of that would naturally feel you know, very, very flustered and very disoriented. So as as Muslims. What do you think is the right way to try and navigate through that emotional turbulence?

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I think Firstly, to remind ourselves and for our Muslim to recognize, you know, always keep the end in mind, and the end is the hereafter. This world we keep being reminded is temporary. This is where these challenges are. This is where your feathers get ruffled, your head gets chopped off. But it is, as they say, when it gets really dark that the stars get to shine their brightest. It is in these type of difficulties that heroes are born. This is when your faith actually matters that you can have if I may use the metaphor of shock absorbers to still be a source of compassion, still give hope to others when, you know there isn't a logical reason to stay hopeful and optimistic. So yes,

00:48:14--> 00:49:01

this is dunia. It does come with its challenges. But our faith also teaches us every day to remember our covenant with Allah. This Shahada, you know, when you become a Muslim, or you are born Muslim, yummy, it's in on the avant la ilaha IL Allah ashwagandha Muhammad Rasul Allah, Allah Allah, Allah, Allah Muhammad Rasul Allah, you hear it in a karma, you keep repeating Allahu Akbar, in prayers, God is great. There's none worthy of serving except Allah. When you sit down in prayer to do to sharpen your renewing your vows, you're renewing your covenant with Allah. And so we find Islam loaded with this reminder of er cannot do what your canister in you alone, we serve you alone we seek assistance

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from and so we look at all these challenges. You know, you look at them in a couple of ways. One, you look at the relationship between the person suffering and their Creator. And they're the portfolio Salam explained and we find this in the Quran, that at the end of the day, by the time this person meets Allah, if they have been good by the time and that compensates them for their suffering, you clearly see Allah doesn't do the least injustice to any of his creatures, any of his creatures. So between those who are what you call the victims of suffering in this world, and Allah, they don't have a problem with each other. However, how do you handle the suffering you see in

00:49:48--> 00:49:59

others? That's a test of your faith. Because we find the Prophet teaching us about this reciprocal relationship. You know, I'm not shows mercy to those who show mercy to others. Allah

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gives those who forgive Allah is angry with those who get angry. And so I think the need for us to with all the thunder and lightning going on around to not forget our purpose to not forget to grow in our ability to be better be more useful. And you know, as you said, to have this more positive paradigm where you give challenges a purpose that's higher than just the problem. This is part of why I'm in this world to make it better in my own limited capacity and focus on that and not get too pulled away with the distractions of how bad it is, when every bad is an opportunity for you to be among those who contribute towards making things better. Yeah. And I think to end with the gloom and

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doom everywhere, and the bleakness and how heavy in the burden is that many are carrying today, we shouldn't lose sight of the fact that we still do have loved ones that are with us and how this is the most important time that we should strengthen the bond and find a way to comfort each other and lighten each other's load. My husband and I do a lot of marriage counseling, and we've never been as busy as during lockdown. In Nigeria, we're no longer in a state of lockdown right now. But during like a three month period, where we were not supposed to go out, it was just totally trying to deal with marriages that were falling apart. Because for the first time, everybody's home, and then they

00:51:31--> 00:52:14

realize the state of their relationship. But there's no running away this time you stay you confront issues, and instead of it getting better, it actually got worse for many. I remember somebody would say my spouse would stay in their room on their phone and only come out to eat, pray and then go back in and be on the phone. So this is an opportunity for us to actually look at who we really are and what is important like No brother neuro said about, you know, our purpose, our reason for existence, it is an opportunity to recalibrate and strengthen the bond with those who really matter most for those who are in their bed deathbeds a survey was conducted what mattered most to them. One

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is forgot to forgive them if they are God, believing people. And then two is for their loved ones to be by their sides during their dying days. Now, when you look at the way your relationship is, with your loved ones today,

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if they had an opportunity to be asked would you want to be by their sides based on how you're treating them today, it requires you to really check the content of your character and how you relate with people because this is something where we have an opportunity to take advantage of the challenge like neuro has already given an example, on the side of helping lighten people's load bringing out the best in us However, we also need to strengthen our relationship with our loved ones, and reduce the screen time if you're gonna spend screen time Let it be something you do together to build and grow and develop and nurture the relationship not to create a rift or a divide

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between you and your loved ones.

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I think that's really important. Mashallah, and And specifically, how you how you touched upon the self introspection, so that we can look into ourselves. So that that kind of takes me to the next question. And that's how do we who are living and still in this dunya, prepare for death.

00:53:38--> 00:53:38

You know,

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on a lighter note in Mufasa, as enemies scar in the Lion King has done, be prepared.

00:53:49--> 00:53:58

The motto of the Boy Scouts and I think this is something you know, religion, Islam definitely keeps getting us be prepared.

00:53:59--> 00:54:04

Look for what is worth dying for, because that's what is worth living for.

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You know, if the Angel of Death were to come at any time, if you were to say, I'll be back in three months, if I'll be back in six months, would you change your lifestyle? Or would you say you will need to be doing what I'm doing, you know, I've found my niche, I found my purpose. And if I have more time, I'll just carry on doing more until, you know, until my time has come. The Prophet sallallahu wasallam in Hadith

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told us to remember five things before five others and this preparation that sometimes things leave you one by one, you know, you lose your sense of hearing, then your sense of sight then your sense of this, but also the opportunities then the gifts that Allah has given you. To use your health before you get ill to use your time before you can't use it, or get preoccupied to use your wealth before you lose it to use your youth before

00:55:00--> 00:55:49

Age comes along and to use your life before you your death. So I think this whole preparation for death being so to speak always in that waiting room, we find that to us we are taught before we go to bed. And when we wake up that the sleep is even a metaphor of death. You were when you make up Savannah, the piano bada mama today, you know, you Glory be to God who gave us like after that, but that should not be something that we are scared of. It's natural to be fearful of the unknown. But I think the more we read about it, the more we trust what's on the other side. And yes, Don't get cocky about what you've done, and how good you are know a lot just like your physical. You know, you

00:55:49--> 00:55:50

don't

00:55:51--> 00:56:18

think you are better. There's always room for improvement. But a lot of the teachings of Islam to do with visiting the sick, attending people's funerals, condoling them, visiting cemeteries visiting graveyards to really bring death closer, and it being a part of life. Not you know, and something that helps us refocus. It helps us remember the things that really matter. So yeah, I think

00:56:20--> 00:56:30

if we look at our traditional teachings in Islam, a lot of it is really about be prepared and have a with a life worth dying.

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For at any time. Yeah. And I found this quote, beautiful that it said, lived it live in a way that others keep you alive. And for me, I think that's now going to be my anthem. Just live in a way that your book may be closed but your story goes on due to the legacy that you left behind. So the life you lived like Nora just gave examples of you know the lives you touch the people you uplifted, the acts you carried out the the trees you planted, even the animals you treated well live in a way that they are your witnesses, when they go before Allah and they will continue to pray for you long after you're gone. And I think that is the beauty of Islam is the fact that you can actually continue to

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rise up in the ranks in heaven in Jannah because of what you leave behind righteous children who pray for you, people whose lives you touched, people who I know Nora is very big on sponsoring people to further their education, or get an education in the first place. And I think these are all things that insha Allah will be witnesses so live your best life, Be kind, be helpful, lighten the load. As the prophets a lot of them said the best of believers are those who relieve the suffering from the injured you know, who lighten the burden of others. So as we continue to live our best lives,

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neurosis be better to do better. He always reminds me of that she you know, I think that's what one focus is on keep sharpening your saw Polish yourself, polish your heart so you can give the best of you and your example your existence Your life is what people will emulate inshallah. inshallah, Mashallah, you listening to both of you, Chef, Jeff Miller and share how Maria is, it's, it's so inspiring, because it reminds me that as a Muslim death is not the end, it's, it's merely a transition. And it's nothing to be, you know, like, terribly sad about, in fact, listening to both of you. It's quite inspiring and uplifting. You know, it, on the one hand, it makes me excited for

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those who have gone to make their Lord. And at the same time, it inspires me to, you know, try my best to, to live well now to be prepared for that time. So thank you so much. And in just a few moments, we will actually move on to q&a, because there's loads of people who've got some burning questions, Mashallah. But brothers aid, who, who's the head of Oak Ridge press was very kind to ask me to come and host today. And the reason is, because I'm actually the co founder of an Islamic meditation app, which, you know, it sounds like, like an interesting notion. But actually, if you think about it, meditation is something you know, if we, if we change the language in the word, it's

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something that we have in our day. And, you know, if we, if you think about reflection, or if you think about other cars, you know, these these concepts do exist in our religion. And the reason why I created it was actually because

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years ago, when when the tragedy in in Syria was unfolding, being a filmmaker, I was sent out over to the border to film all these people who are going through the worst, most horrendous tragedies and after speaking to them and hearing their stories, I was actually, you know, going through that emotional trauma I was, I suffered from anxiety and a number of other issues.

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I had to learn to deal with. And so over the years I, I learned meditation. But I was also very fortunate to be to be invited to join a secret image list, which was hosted by the most lovely hostess. So over the years, I realized that these two things could actually come together to try and teach young people to really try and learn intention, stillness, mindfulness, so that they could actually use that to then try and improve their relationship with Allah. So if anyone is interested, then they can find out more by searching in the Apple App Store or the Google Play Store hallak app, and it spelled h a l, A, QH. And it comes up palaka, Muslim meditation and daycare, or if you prefer

01:00:49--> 01:01:21

a website, then www.my halachot.com NYH, a la qh.com. And hopefully, you know, we pray that anyone who is suffering from anxiety, or sadness or stress that although it may not cure, it may at least teach them practical steps to try and manage that. And it's actually a course on death and how to reflect on that on there as well, which is very relevant today. So thank you so much to Proverbs eight for giving us the platform to share that.

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So now I'm going to actually move on to some questions, and Mashallah, some of these questions have actually been covered. So I will start with this one. And this is really a nice question for both of you. What are the righteous deeds that one should be doing to give them comfort in the grave and the hereafter?

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righteous people I know definitely circuit sadaqa on their behalf nuru mentioned something my father did every Friday. There's this local snack sometimes it's like a bean cake that these women just ride by the side of the street. So his personal secretary would go and purchase it and then share it to the less Masaki you know people who are who need it. And there was another thing it's another rice cake as well which still today, he's gone but that has still continued. I know do I think my father was a to our he is the biggest gift My Father has given me it's to us more than anything I kept thinking about what's my boss biggest gift to me, it's the kind of to us to do at what time and

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seeing him every Friday with his rosary bead making to our and just before McRib, there's a tradition and a culture that's imprinted in my mind of who he was and what he did. So for me, I think that's another one that I know I do as much as I can, Vicar and, and I pray Allah that the reward goes for him, then for my mother reading the Quran is something that the meaning of the or is something she I always remember, in the mornings when I wake up, I'd see her with the Quran reading the meaning because she doesn't speak she didn't speak Arabic, but she did write a book in Arabic. So she could read the words of my father would be there guiding her, sometimes not very patient, but

01:03:17--> 01:04:01

insisting you pronounce it this way. However, it was so beautiful because like we said, My mother was someone who was into logic, things have to make sense to her. So reading the meaning of the Quran for me, because there was a period in my life where I wasn't praying, and I didn't feel the connection with Allah. But remembering her reading made me curious enough to go and start reading. And then I realized that, yes, Allah is actually speaking to me that the answers I was seeking, were actually there. So again, reading the Quran, if that is an example that they gave for me, I do that. And I ask Allah that the reward goes to my mother for that thing. What else would you say? I think

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he, you know, we have for the Hadeeth of praying, among the things that when somebody passes away continue to give them reward is if they leave a child behind that prays for them. And it can't, they're not just you, but anybody who is praying for them. knowledge that is useful. And so if you've been taught anything, putting that good knowledge to good use, sharing it with others, and then any kind of act that serves others with may be tree planting, it may be you know, a well in one part of the world or another, it may be a soup kitchen, you're contributing towards anything that continues to bring the key thing is let the memory of somebody who has passed away Let that pain be

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transformed into a source of bringing happiness bringing more good into the world. Yes, and I think we keep talking about parents, but this is for any loved one that has passed. I think anybody who was

01:05:00--> 01:05:18

To make it meaningful to you in your life, these are all things you can do for someone who has passed, it doesn't always, it's not just about loved ones, it could be children, it could be a friend, or colleague that meant something to you, these are all to us that we can do for those people who have passed rush hour.

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You know, in the UK, many of you many of our loved ones sometimes are actually non Muslim. So one of the questions here is, what do we do for those who have passed away who are who are non Muslim?

01:05:33--> 01:05:47

I mean, there is one interpretation that the majority of hell that you don't pray for Allah's mercy for non Muslims, it doesn't mean you have any doubt in Allah's mercy and justice allowed to what he feels is best we can put the limits on Allah Rama.

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But it's for you, if they have done something good and that's inspiring, then do good.

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What will Allah choose to do with it? One thing we do know is Allah doesn't do the least injustice to any obvious creature. So so long as you are not doing something that you know is haram. If you yourself are an embodiment of the good they have taught you say for example, you have no Muslim parents, if Allah decides that he is going to forgive them, if Allah decides that the good you do, or the sadaqa charity, you do that inspired by what they taught you, it's up to Allah, how he uses the good that you do. So I'll just say keep doing all the good that you can see any

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their memories remind you of something just bring more good into the world, that is a result of the pain you feel.

01:06:40--> 01:06:50

Okay, so one of the other questions is, can someone who is dead benefit from his children, even if that bad deeds were more than the good deeds?

01:06:52--> 01:06:54

I would say

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the question of calculating somebodies bad deeds is not our business. And we have hadith of somebody who was a serial killer, like 99 added another 100. And he was still forgiven. So it's not for us to say, this person's deeds are so bad. It's not you know, there's no use. You don't know the relationship between that person and Allah. All you hope is that the good you do, because if God is something that Allah multiplies, um, you do one good deed, I mean, just give a thirsty dog water and that's enough for Allah to forgive. Think of the sins like from a human perspective, how could you say somebody's doing all of this bad, would be wiped away by one little good deed, but that's Allah,

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Allah, Rama is infinite. It is his anger that is finite, it is his anger that is limited. And so when it comes to

01:07:53--> 01:08:39

how much bad Did somebody do, and then me calculating whether what I do would be a reason for which Allah may forgive the other person, maybe Allah has already forgiven them. And so just do good. You know, just do good and trust in Allah. You know, so yeah, don't be Don't be calculating how bad others are and how valuable your good is, or their children's good would be. Yeah. And I remember when I was doing research on presentation I had, and I was asking nuru for more ideas, and I remember he told me about it where after to last a nanosecond, I'm hacking into an image to the Sahaba, of how huge how massive, how hot, the fire of jahannam is. And then he asked his companions,

01:08:40--> 01:09:07

do you know what would put that fire out? And he said, One to one to have a sincere a stick far. So when you think about how and he kept saying, Allah is so eager to forgive, you know, his forgiveness and forgiveness is just you know, as long as we are sincere in our repentance, sincere meaning, we genuinely don't want to repeat a will not repeat it. We don't intend to repeat it. If I may add,

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then we need to be really careful about coming with logical reasons for putting a limit on Allah Rama. Because you do have hadith of people who did that, you know, Allah will never forgive you. And the Prophet said on the Day of Judgment, Allah tells the person who was told Allah will never forgive you have forgiven you because I am all forgiving and you will put a limit on my ramaa you will go to help so any kind of logic that makes you start to think istikhara is not useful. You know, somebody is a lost case. There's no last case. Ours is just to follow the example of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam be as best as we can. Allah Allah Mashallah, that's that's really nice.

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And it's it always leaves room for hope in our hearts. Another question that has come through is

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Sometimes when a parent passes away, it leaves challenges for the children that have been left behind. What's your word of advice in such a situation?

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I think obviously, it is so diverse, because it depends on what kind of challenges is it challenges of financial burdens, or maybe huge debts they've left? Could it be challenges of the fact that there's a lot of strife and chaos and dysfunction within the family? It actually depends. I'm not sure if the person who asked the question can be more specific, but I think what we, my brother has been preaching and I really appreciate this advice is, you know, turn a new leaf if things were not good, start afresh, you know, open a new chapter, do not let their bad behavior or their mistakes define you, you start you tell your own story. And again, using the infallibility here, son of that

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Allah is asking us to do return evil with good, if that is the reality, like I said, I'm not sure exactly what the question I had in mind, but, you know, start afresh, and always look for the best possible outcome, to whatever it is you're faced with whatever challenges you're faced with, and the more you have, in the back of your mind, unity, trying to, you know, keep the bonds of kinship, kinship, very, very tight. Ally, insha, Allah will make it easy for you, he will open doors from where you never expected. I think, you know, just along that line, one of the things that's important for us is to remember the position of family ties. In Islamic teachings, people die, and

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nobody knows who goes before the other, and how young will the children be.

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So a couple of things, firstly, to ensure that within the family, you try and be a bridge builder, try and recognize that of all the charity you can give the person earlier Salam said the greatest charity is the one you give to your dependents, to your family members before it starts going to neighbors and other. So family first when it comes to building relationships. And he saw emphasize the need to, you know, establish and strengthen these ties of kinship, that he said, You know, when I talk about strengthening the ties of kinship, I'm not talking about reciprocating them, when people do good to you, you do good to them. He said I'm emphasizing it when others are trying to

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break the ties, you try and strengthen them. So we find the need for continuously being good and forgiving to family members. Because sometimes, if you pass away leaving children, these are the family members who whether they like it or not, would have to take care of these children. The other thing is we find the status, the Prophet sallallahu wasallam gave orphans, the orphans were gateways to paradise for people that when you find an orphan and you can take care of them, treat them well, that that's enough for the Prophet sallallahu wasallam. To say such a person who takes care of an orphan will wake up on the Day of Judgment, and he put his two fingers together instead just like

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this. So I think what we also find is in the laws of inheritance, various other relatives sometimes being given portions of inheritance, not that it's sometimes much but as a sign of a moral responsibility that unlike specs of the bigger family to take care of the smaller family. So I would say it's important for all of us to take our ties of kinship seriously as a religious obligation. Besides the functionality that that could play, we recognize that any body who is an orphan needs extra attention as gateways to paradise and once the Prophet has explained something as a gateway to paradise, we don't joke with it. So need to really be

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the Prophet was an orphan himself and Salaam and we will all find these orphans within our families are the extended families and the need to really treat them as we would our children.

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Mashallah, Chef, I have just one final question and I feel this one's quite a pressing one and an important one. And perhaps it will help a large number of people.

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What advice do you have for those who are really struggling with grief and find it really difficult to continue in their daily life?

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Um, a tough question a tough because

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I have not gone through that. And so it's difficult to

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empathize. what one can say is what one has read and the need to get people who can

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Help

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to look for those who

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have experienced in this, it may be a counselor, it may be a psychologist, it may be an elder within the family who has seen it all, as it were

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to look for groups of people who are also going through such difficulties, to read about these things, so that you get closer to people who have actually gone through it and survived. Allah doesn't place a burden upon you, which is greater than you can bear. In other words, sometimes the depression is so debilitating, don't take also the guilt of my email is not strong enough. It's because some of us can't handle some of the challenges of life that we are asked to give comfort to others. And be sources have Rama to them. So I would say for somebody who is really going through it, keep on with prayers, keep on with sadaqa keep on with doing good. Brother jubair. You mentioned

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people who you know a lot of surveys from positive psychology,

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where they look at what is it that actually makes people happy? What is it that takes people out of depression,

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it is important that you don't get too obsessed with the pain of loss and forget to be grateful for the good you have around you to count your blessings. And so it's interesting, after every prayer, we are repeating Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah These are not things we should just rattle on our tongues 33 times, but dwell on to look at what am I saying? Alhamdulillah for what am I being grateful to Allah about what is it that is great about my life, and about Allah in my life. So they need to also count your blessings as you go through the pain. So I would say you know, really

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reach out for help. If you find it's getting too difficult for you to handle. Don't give up insha Allah, just as millions of people every day, go through these feelings, you will go through them, you have a purpose in life beyond recognizing that the dead have passed away. But they have changed address but have good expectations. If you love someone, you would love that they are in a better place. And if they are in a better place, yes, you miss them. But they are in a better place. And it's not the end of their lives. And something that gave me a lot of comfort, I lost a very close friend.

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And I remember

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during O'Meara

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I had a dream in which he had appeared on the in the hereafter. And in the dream, he was actually looking back, as if expecting us who he left behind to be joining him very soon. When I woke up, I you know gave it a bit of thought and I had to do some calculations.

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Allah tells us that a day in the Hereafter is like 1000 years of our reckoning. And I tried to see okay, if a day is 1000 years, then a lifetime, even if your lifetime was 100 years, then that would be a 24 hour divide by 10 with about 2.4 hours.

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In other words, and when we lose people, we usually have joined them 50 years later, Max, that's just less than an hour on half. In other words, by the time this person has reached the hereafter in less than an hour and a half before they finish saying hi to everybody, grandparents and everyone, we've joined them. And so you know, when you think of the other person that you are depressed about their happy. So, you know, look at it as it's something that's just a part of life and needs, we need to really prepare better for it. I'm not saying it's as academically straightforward as that there's a lot of pain that you will go through. But I think some a book I found interesting on this

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Victor Frankel's book,

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of going through the difficulties of

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Man's Search for Meaning and search for meaning. You know, I think it's something that allows a level of empathy with people who can go through pain and make something useful out of it. So I would say, you know, read, consult, meet people who have more experience in this area and those who have experienced I would say, take it as your religious responsibility that you have gone through this pain, you are still able to manage it, but you have

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a responsibility to show compassion to those who are going through it for the first time. Yeah, I think to add to what Nora said, my my mom was a quirky person, very quirky sense of humor. And, you know, there's this thing I said, you know, if she could speak to me now, what would she say? What would she want me to be doing? And I talked about honoring her. But I know because of her quirky sense of humor, I translate a lot of things. And I think about it the way she would. Something happened to about two, three days ago, neuro brought some chick chicks over to my mom's house and said, He's keeping them there, because he didn't want to see them far away on the farm where he

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couldn't see them. Then he called me and he said, mommy's cat is eating his chicks. So he's gonna have to put that cap down. I was like, What? No, how can you say that? There are many other cats that are guilty on this. And so He then said, Well, if you think about it, I say if you killed that cat, that cat is going to go join mummy and then ghosts will come and haunt you.

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Mother would think

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when one of my copies died, I was like, you go and give mommy company right now. But I tried to just really be very light, as heavy as it is. And really, we have a very, very close bond with our parents. But I had to again, honor her knowing that what would she want me to be doing? She wouldn't want me to be crying. She wouldn't want me to sit around said, but what Nora said about do cry. Yes, you will go through grief go through these experiences because they show you a human. My husband gave me a wake up call just a few days ago. He said, I noticed you come home late these days. You're burying yourself in your work, because you don't want to face what's happened with Bubba. And I

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didn't admit it. I just said thank you. But he was right. So yes, the, the the emotions, one does need to deal with them. I know with my mom. It took me about two months. And then I just saw my son doing an act of kindness in the kitchen one day he was home on holiday was cleaning the kitchen counter. I didn't ask him he's in university, but I didn't ask him and I just my heart just melted. And I said May Allah bless you. May Allah grant you Jenna. And I didn't realize how things just suddenly hit me. I just started crying. And my son was like, What? What did I do? What did I say he couldn't understand. He ran like a better health gratis that. And by the time he came to the

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kitchen, I was gone. I was on my husband's on the bed bawling. And my husband came in was just rubbing me and my son was watching this. And he said Maria, go ahead and let it out. It's okay. His time, he understood what I was really crying about. And I had been suppressing it. So yes, if you have someone who you can go a shoulder to cry on or cry to Allah, you know, I whatever is going to relieve that pressure cooker feeling you need that because it's healthy, but honor them, if it's with humor sometimes do so he and I joke about things our mother would do in our situation, or our Dad, I'm not going to share this. But he said something as my dad was about to be buried. And it's

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like, that's, that's mommy's humor right now, as he was being taken away, he said something and I was like, Oh my god, I love my parents for what they taught us, you know, the ability to be able to, you know, have that lightness in our hearts during a time where really, it could be quite devastating and shattering

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or shallow. I think that there's some such beautiful wisdom in in all of the lessons that you've taught us today. And, and some really practical advice. Like, personally, I'm taking away that I should, I should be open and be aware of my emotions, but at the same time, I should try my best to serve others as a means to spread positivity and you know, what goes around comes around, hopefully, inshallah that will help me as well, because there's some really beautiful lessons there. Chef, and Chef Maria, thank you so much for your time, and for your wisdom and for your learnings. And may Allah bless. Bless both of you and your families. And may Allah have mercy on your parents as well.

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So thank you so much zakka here. That concludes our, our event today. I've just got one announcement that there's a really interesting event coming up on the 26th of February. It's called remembering beautiful days in martial oxer. And, you know, there's going to be some really renowned speakers there, including Jeff has to hear more from Norway, and also the president of Michel oxer. Chef Marcus Swanee and the Imam of machelle x chef Salah, aka Maui. So please do check that out and you can get more information at the website which is on your screens, but it's if you if you need help, it's www dot Alba wordpress.com To get more info and

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And to enroll So, thank you everyone for watching dragula hair please make dua for our respected scholars. And inshallah we'll see you again next time sakala