Anger

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Kamal El-Mekki

Channel: Kamal El-Mekki

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Episode Transcript

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In 100, in law mother who want to study and who want to stop when we let him introduce unforeseen elements at our Marina, Mayor de la llamada de la wama. You didn't follow her Deanna shadow Allah illallah wa de la sharika shadow ana Muhammadan, Abu rasuluh. All praise is due to Allah, we praise Him and seek his assistance. We seek refuge with Allah from the evil within ourselves and from the evil of our souls. Whomsoever Allah guides, none can misguide him. Yet whomever he allows to go astray, none can guide him and I bear witness that there is no god worthy of worship except Allah alone. He has no partner and I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and His Messenger.

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Yeah, you have levena an otaku? La Casa Casa de La Tomatina Illa want to miss limone or you who believe fear Allah as he should be feared and do not die except in the state of Islam. Yo yo levina Amano Taka la Julio Colin de de de

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la como. Una momento para la hora Sula, hakoda fosun Avi aubema are you who believe fear Allah and speak the truth. He will direct you to the righteous good deeds and will forgive your sins, and whomsoever obeys Allah and His Messenger, he has indeed achieved a great achievement. I'm about fairness Takahata tabula rasa de huduma homogeneity sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, Mashallah Morimoto Baku llamada de invada wakulla para tanto la la Boku wa cynefin. Now, brothers and sisters in Islam.

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Today, our hope is about anger and controlling anger.

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And one of the reasons behind this hotbar is that we seem to be a very angry generation, despite things generally going well. spouses are very angry with each other children are angry with parents, we deal with each other with an anger as a society and as a community. And for those who have traveled overseas, especially to Muslim lands, you can hardly pass a day without encountering and seeing some kind of altercation whether verbal or physical.

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Anger is the cause of families breaking up the cause of divorce. Angry fathers in particular, How many times will youth complain to us of a broken home because or due to the father's anger? Because the father got angry and kicked out the eldest son or kicked out his daughter from the house or siblings not speaking to one another old or young not speaking to each other due to anger

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in certain Caffe, Allah subhanaw taala says,

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with kurapika either in a seat and remember your Lord when you forget, and that is the popular explanation of this verse. But one of them have a city in crema Rahim Allah, He says either in a seat Yeah, and he if you become upset if you become angered and this is a very reasonable tafsir because when you get angry you forget you forget logic you forget reason you forget sensibility. You even forget what you said and what you did. So it's a reasonable to proceed with courage Okay, then, when you forget meaning you forget due to anger,

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likewise insulted off a lot of guilt says well in my ends of another communist ship on his own faster it Billa in who who assembled our team, and some of them were facility and said that we're Monaco, Li Enza vaniqa a huge event Nikita shaytaan angers you. So if an evil whisper comes to you from the Shaitaan or the shaytaan angers, you then seek refuge with Allah. He is the old here and the old Knower.

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But before we proceed, brothers and sisters, there are three very important things to understand about anger. Number one, anger is a secondary emotion. Sometimes it's referred to as a second hand emotion. That means that there is another primary emotion underneath it, meaning it could be fear, sadness, anxiety, worry, disappointment or discouragement. There's always something and a primary emotion. And then anger comes in as a secondary emotion. When your child runs out into the street and almost gets hit by a car, you grab the child and you immediately become angered. You shouldn't be angry, it should be first worry or fear. Second, that should be relief. But what does anger come

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in then? Or when you have a near accident, a traffic altercation someone almost hit you. You get angry immediately. First you get scared then you get angry. Why anger it should be just relief or a father. Some fathers get very angry when their children get hurt or any

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So the feeling of fear and sadness is uncomfortable for most people. And it makes you feel vulnerable, and also not in control. So what happens the way we avoid these feelings, we try to avoid them in any way we can. And the way we do that, subconsciously, we shift into anger mode. And that's where people are getting angry in places of fear in places of anxiety and other things.

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And this also happens amongst couples, and when when they're having a fight, one of them will fear, abandonment, or rejection with siblings, especially school psychologists explain why do siblings get so angry with one another, they can be very patient with people in the community, but with each other with siblings, they get extremely angry. And they explain that siblings very much need or generally family members, but especially in siblings, they very much need approval from one another. So when they feel that they're being rejected, they get angry, whereas the approval of a stranger doesn't mean much to them, they don't get as angry. And so then the immediately that rejection is

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the primary emotion, it's replaced by the secondary one, which is anger.

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That's the first point is that it's that fear is a secondary emotion. The second point, and if psychologists have ever said anything that is true, it is this. They said, getting angry gives us a false sense of control.

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So the way to understand that the psychological response to anger stems from the physiological response. So when you get angry hormones surge throughout your body, and you begin to feel a heightened sense of power and energy. Now, if you compare that to the feeling you get from fear and sadness, anger provides a surge of energy and makes you feel more in charge rather than feeling vulnerable and helpless. And so very simply, then some people start to replace, and some people replace all emotions with anger immediately. And you look at the example when someone startles you, when someone startles you, you first immediately in a few split seconds, you scared and then what

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happens right after that, you get angry immediately. Or when you start with someone, they immediately get angry with you that anger replaces, and it gives them a sense of control to be angry, rather than just to be scared. And so some people develop this unconscious habit of transforming all of their vulnerable emotions and feelings into anger, and in order to not deal with them. The third thing is that being angry, is has has some advantages, and the most important of them is destruction. So if people think about people who are in pain, they're generally thinking about their pain, but people who are angry, they're thinking about harming and retaliating and

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causing pain to others. So basically, they told you that shift is an attention shift from self focus to other focus.

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Mr. matabele Rahim Allah narrates the Hadith from soufiane. Abdullah Dr. v. He says good to yourself, Allah, Colin, Colin and tefera he was clean. He said You're a fool Allah Tell me something that I will benefit from, but make it brief and concise. Just something short. Cada la casa de when a call Jana, the prophet SAW Selim said Do not be angered. And for you and Paradise is yours. Don't be angry and Paradise is yours. It was also narrated that Buddha and who he says, I asked Paul to Yasuda, la dulany and Ahmed in a hidden agenda. Karla la tapa, Dr. sola just told me of a deed which will earn me at paradise. And he tells him sort of lost a limb do not become angered.

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And

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Bobby rahamallah, one of the scholars, he explains this phrase, he says, it doesn't mean don't feel anger, because it's natural to feel anger. But he says, what it means is that avoid the things that cause anger. And don't expose yourself to things which provoke anger. That's one explanation. Another says, other scholars said it means train yourself to not get angry. And yet a third explanation means it's it means that it's any do not do that which anger provokes you to do. Anger makes you do certain things. Don't do them. And so it doesn't mean just don't feel angry. It's natural to feel angry, but the outcomes of it

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and what's important to consider is that when people get angry, the anger does not decrease. It's exactly the opposite. You would imagine that when you become angered, you release that steam, but it actually increases and it gets worse.

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And that's why a man came to the process.

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alum and he says give me advice suppress him, tells him laptop, do not get angry. He says, Give me more advice. And he kept asking him and the problem kept telling him do not get angered, do not get angered. And the scholar said, it's possible that the boss alum knew this man has a temper or an anger problem. And that's why he gave him the advice that he is most in need of, and that is to not lose your temper. One of the important things to understand as well, and this is important for understanding our youth and for our youth to understand that anger is presented in popular culture as masculine, and as the proper reaction. Many times in movies, a man his wife, and his children are

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murdered, and he does not cry if if little, he doesn't cry, he shows the anger, and he screams out in anger and anger and he goes out on a killing spree. And that's the premise of it. And that's the premise of a lot of video games as well, some man who's angry and he is exacting his revenge on people. So youth, unfortunately, are told that they cannot share other feelings of sadness and grief with their friends. But it's okay to express anger, as if that is something that is masculine. But here's a much wiser outlook from the Prophet sallallahu Sallam so he added in Sahih, Bukhari and Muslim and Nabi sola Salaam tells us who the strong person is, unlike the image in the popular

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culture, the President said Lisa, should he do this surah in nimisha de la de una hora en de la, the strong man is not the one who can overpower others and out wrestle others physically strong, rather, the strong one is the one who controls himself when he gets angry.

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And there was another incident where the profits are lost and passed by some people who are wrestling. And he asked, What is this? And they said so and so is the strongest, and he can beat anyone. So the profits or losses and tells them should I not tell you who is even stronger than he is? And he says, The Man Who when he is mistreated by another, controls his anger, so he defeats his own shaytaan and the shaytaan of the one who made him angry, that is true strength. People always look at the law and hope. Like he was just angry the entire time willing to hit and beat people the entire time.

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But we have an example from his life, where a man entered upon him. And he said, yes, oh, son of a hapa. You are not giving us much, and you're not judging fairly between us. So I'm not alone who got so angered, and his eyes turned red and he was about to attack the man physically, but a horrible case was present. He tells him Yeah, I mean, Allah subhanaw taala set to His Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam who the love for what mobile or what are the energy healing, show forgiveness, enjoying what is good, and turn away from those who are ignorant. And this man is nothing but ignorant and armadillo and who calm down immediately. The amount of that, in our minds is always mad

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and raging, but he is to always stop and one of the most beautiful descriptions of Amara Golan what kind of a coffin and Nikita Bella, Yanni he would always stop at the book of Allah and where Allah said stop, he would stop even if he's irate an angry he would immediately cease when he hears a verse from the Koran. Unlike some people now who claim to be calm, and in their minds are calmer they're out of the lawn. But when they're angered you reminding them of Allah and it has zero effect on them whatsoever.

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And it is something anger, if it's not controlled, it can lead to all kinds of disastrous things.

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Not to mention amongst them would be death. And this is

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a narration where a man came in front of the lamp, and he had tied another man had him tied up by a rope and he was pulling him. So the prophets of Salaam asked what is going on and he said the artist would have loved this man killed my brother. So the President asked him Did you did you kill him? He said, Yes, I killed him. And he says, How did you kill him? He said he and I were hitting a tree to make the leaves fall for the animals to feed. For sub bunny for ghorbani for Dr. Hoban. Firstly, I love Courtney cataldo. He says so he cursed me and he angered me so I hit him with the with the axe on his temple, and I killed him. And that's what happened to be Thalberg alone he used to say, the

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beginning of anger is madness. And the end of it is regret. And it's so accurate you need the beginning is madness. The person becomes like a madman completely not in control of themselves and what they're saying. And then the end is always regret. People regret what they did when they were in that state of rage.

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So then it's important to understand what are some of the ways to deal with and to control our anger? Because without controlling our anger, we are just tyrants and oppressors in our homes. We

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We're just tyrants and oppressors, always losing our tempers on our wives, frightening our children and hurting others around us. So one of the first things to do are not in any particular order, but one of the things to do is to identify the primary emotion driving the anger, as we discussed earlier, if you can pinpoint that you can understand how to control the anger. That's one. The second is remembering Allah subhanho wa Taala. And remembering how Allah subhanaw taala has control over you, more than you have control over the person or the situation that you're in.

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It was said that a man by the name of Abdullah Muslim, Mahara, he came and he was captured by Haruna Rashid the halifa. So he tells him as a Luca below the Enter beanie, that he then lumen Nibbana dache. Look how is asking him, he says I asked you by, he's asking by Allah. But this is how he describes Allah, He says that the one that you are more insignificant than to him than I am to you, Yanni, you are more significant in front of Allah than I am insignificant in front of you or powerless in front of you right now.

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And

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that the one who has more power to punish you than you have the power to punish me with to let me go. And heroin Rashid immediately let him go. And he couldn't hold him after that something like he reminded him of the power of Allah subhanaw taala over him. So then that reminded him, or that encouraged him to lose,

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to calm down and to, to forgive him to pardon him.

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The other thing is that the problem also give advice. He said, either Howdy, but how to come

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fully ageless, if one of you gets angered while he's standing, then let him sit down. And then if the anger doesn't dissipate, then he should lie down as well. And we we see this many times, even psychologists constantly are talking about how when the mind is fixed, the body is fixed. And that to the link between the body and the mind. And the more if you're sitting or if you're lying down, you're further away from springing into action, you're further away from harming someone from hitting or doing something that you would regret later on.

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Another thing is to be realistic. Also, in evaluating yourself as a person, are you a calm person, or an angry person, many people say ridiculous things. Like, I am very calm unless someone provokes me.

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That's the whole creation. And the whole world is like that. Everybody is calm unless provoked. What really determines if you're calm is if you're calm after being provoked. That's why I live near the law and who used to say, it may be known whether a person is really patient at the time of anger. Yeah, that's how you know someone's really patient. When he's angered, and he's caught, then that's a calm person.

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Or as lookman the Hakeem the commander was set to his son, he says, three things are only known through three other things. And then we'll only mention one of them. He says, A lenient man is only known as such when he's angered. That's how you know someone's lenient and calm when they're angered. And they don't lose their temper, not the other way around.

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They say that, one of the ways to, to calm yourself down and to not lose your temper is to remember that what anger leads of regret and the need to apologize.

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And and that's why one of the writers he said, beware of the pride of anger, for it leads to the humiliation of apology. Beware of the pride of anger for at least the humiliation of apology.

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And then

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you should also remember the forgiving others making makes you a tolerant individual. And that force that reminds you and helps you overcome your anger. This is happened during the time of Ramadan Abdelaziz that a man was brought in front of him. And so the man spoke very rudely and very harshly, trying to provoke him. So I'm not alone. He was calm. He wasn't provoked. And he tells the man he says you wanted the sheath on to provoke me because of my position Yanni. I'm a leader, a ruler and you're insulting me like this, so that I would be harsh with you, and in return, you would harm me tomorrow, meaning you would harm me on the Day of Judgment, but he tells him go away. May Allah have

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mercy on you

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will continue with other ways to control our temporary the second hug, but inshallah Apollo cola was tough for a lot of Him and He will accommodate me. First off thoroughfare falls and Mr. Varian ask Allah subhanaw taala for his forgiveness, indeed those who ask for his forgiveness shall prosper.

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hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa salatu salam ala rasulillah. I mean, he was a big man about one of the easiest things to do, when in a state of rage or feeling anger coming upon you is to seek refuge with Allah subhanaw taala from a shadow Raji. And we have more than one Hadith in this regard. There was one incident where the Solomon says, I was sitting with the Prophet sallallahu sallam, and two men were slandering each other verbally, one of them was right in the face, and the veins on his neck were standing out, he's extremely angry, then the president says, I know a word, which if he were to say it, what he feels would go away. Yeah, and all the anger that he feels would go away.

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And then the problem says, are the Billahi min ash shaytani r rajim. If he says that all that he feels of anger will leave immediately.

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And if not, then keeping silent, keeping silent. The problem says his

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failures could if one of you becomes angry, then let him be quiet, be remained silent. And that is wisdom, because later on, the person will regret what they said, at the time of anger. So the least you can do if you cannot control your anger, then at least control your tongue. And don't say anything, hurt for a world words that you cannot take back later on.

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That's why the Arabs used to say a man's word as his captive, so long as he keeps it. But once he utters it, he becomes its captive. And once you say you speak a word, then you're always kept, you're held captive by the effects of that word.

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So keeping silent here in our day, and age also refers to emails and messages, all kinds of instant messages. Because many times people will write something at a time of anger, and then they can't take it back. So keeping silent verbally, and also with your, your messages, typing emails, what have you.

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And another thing that really helps someone to calm down and to not lose their temper is to remember the great reward for those on the Day of Judgment for those who contain their anger on the Day of Judgment. And that's why in this Hadith, the president says whoever controls his anger, at the time when he has the means to act upon it. Because there's a difference. When you can't act upon your anger, then you have no choice but to control it. But here the man has the way and the means to act upon his anger, but he controls it. A low will fill his heart with contentment on the Day of Resurrection. And another Hadith mentions that Allah subhanaw taala will call him in front of the

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creation, and give him his first choice in from the hole of agenda. And the scholar said, why would Allah call him in front of the whole creation and have him choose, because they said, when the prize is given publicly, it's greater. And that's why we have award ceremonies. Whereas if your boss just called you in his office and quietly gives you the award, is doesn't have the same value. So Allah subhanaw taala gives him a great reward because the action itself was great, and it was suppressing anger.

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And with that, we want to close with just a few quick pointers when being to have them being how not to deal with an angry person. When someone is angry and irate, do not tell them to calm down. Because if there's anything that makes or in further infuriates an angry person is when you tell him to calm down, so don't tell him to calm down, and don't try to critique or correct and have a discussion until they've calmed down. And this is very important advice for spouses as well. Sometimes one of them is angry. The other one wants to deal with the issue right then and there while they're losing both losing their temper. But what is wiser is when they both Calm down, then

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they come and discuss the issue. Also final reminders. The only time it's okay to be angered is when you're angry for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala. If you follow the story of the Prophet sallallahu sallam, or the story of the prophets in general, you will see that when they're insulted personally, they remain calm, they don't do anything about it. But when it's something against Allah subhanaw taala then they're angered for the sake of Allah. But one of the things we misunderstand about being angry for the sake of Allah azza wa jal, we think because it's a justified anger. It's also a green light, to be rude to people to abuse people and to send them away from the religion of Allah azza wa

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jal being angered for the sake of Allah is not a green light, to be nasty to individuals and turn them away from Allah subhanaw taala his religion

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and the last thing and we have probably seen people in our communities like that the people who are angry at the world, angry at the situation of Muslims angry at the political situations angry because of racism and and they live their life angry and the racist is having fun and smiling and enjoying his life. So it is not from the way that believers to remain in perpetual anger. And I know some people think that

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As a religious person, always thinking of the plight and the suffering of the Muslims, that is not the way of the believers. With that. We ask Allah subhanaw taala to make us of those who recognize the truth as clear truth and follow the best of it, and to make us of those who recognize falsehood as clear falsehood and abstain from it for lahoma Anahata hakuhodo katiba warnell bottle obatala zoeken st Nava fala, Houma La Jolla. Dunya Kumara homina Well, I'm a blogger el Mina. What Allah Norma sirona for lahoma Brenda de la Matamoros Didn't you as a local artic, wave? Ma sciatic Murphy hibben maruf were you unhappy animoca SME, aloha Mubarak, Antonella alameen wa. He was a big money

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welcome with Mohan Kumar.