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Ismail Kamdar

Channel: Ismail Kamdar

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Selam Aleykum

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hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa Salatu was Salam

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ala me, Amanda via de la San elijo. me.

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Rob Bishop, he said the only incident Peace and blessings upon his final messenger the mercy to this world. Mohamed sulamani was well known to everybody was followed his path to righteousness until the last day.

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Before I begin, I would like to know from the audience, what are you expecting from this topic? Because if I'm talking about certain issues, and you're wondering about other issues, it's not gonna do much benefit. So anybody wants to tell me, before we begin, what what do you want to hear about?

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Because the topic as we know, is happy homes. it's to do with how to have a happy family life. So anybody has any specific issue they want me to address?

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Yes, anything to do with happiness?

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Okay.

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Everybody feel is a problem in the Muslim community of unhappy homes.

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There's no feeling this is a problem.

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A very quiet audience today

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as a single person.

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Okay.

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The reason I chose this topic is because most of the time, if somebody calls me, someone sends me an email, and they see a problem. It's either the wife is it, the husband is the children is the parents or in laws, okay, very rarely is the CO wife, but in general, is the loss of the children otherwise. So I sign this a lot of problems in our community that people don't know how to live together. That's a problem. People don't know how to live together, a lot of people just don't know how to get along. And so I'm hoping today will address the issues which are most common in causing family problems. And before I begin doing family in Islam and other religions, because most of the

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religions in the world today,

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to be an IHS to be pious, you're not supposed to have a family life. If you look at find that, they will tell you that you cannot balance between fulfilling your wife's rights and God's rights. Therefore, it's going to be righteous, you must give up your wife and dedicate your life to God. This is the mentality to do with false religions. On the other side, Western society is all about self gratification. It's all about making your own not happy, do whatever you want. And therefore we find even in Western society, disabilities, they don't want to commit to somebody, people are not having children. Why? Because they don't have the responsibility that comes with children. And this

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is why you find you find so many people in the Western societies who

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you don't know who the father is. And this is a major problem in the communities. So we have these two extremes on one side, leaving religion out completely, the family falls apart because everybody's out to please themselves. On the other hand, when people misunderstand religion, what happens? The people get so caught up in religion that they forget about their families, and their family, life falls apart. Now, Islam came with a middle path, and Islam, we need to understand history is the fitrah. Islam is the natural way of life. So because Islam is your natural way of life, it has come not to destroy society, or to reform society. The only things prohibited in Islam

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are things which are harmful to society. The things which are compulsory in Islam are those things which are beneficial to society. So this is a very basic principle of Islam. Islam is a natural way of life. So we find when you study the majority of Sharia the principles of Sharia Islam, one of these principles is the preservation of the family.

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Mom does. Allah mentioned five principles that in eastern Islam came to preserve the religion, he came to reserve to preserve human life. He came to preserve the intellect. He came to preserve, adjust the economy, and he came to preserve your progeny and your family, all of Islamic, all of Islamic rules revolve around this. Any ruling in Islam is to support any of these five issues. So Islam came to preserve our families. And so we find that Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam. This mentality that to be highest, you need to give up your family sermon on Farsi.

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He went to visit Baba Sahabi. In his home. It was Abu Dhabi rajala one and his wife was very depressed. And so far as the husband so five, why do you think is to have you

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in your economy,

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you don't have any time for some fancy design, he'll spend the night at the house. And when he was there, a Buddha came home. Some of us going to have lunch with a Buddha and pasty salmon posse forced him to break his past and have lunch after lunch during the night. And then some of us who are going to sleep with Allah decide to start his tahajjud Salah so

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Some of us he told him you sleep now you play later. So you went to sleep you woke up a few hours later to play against some of us he's shouting it's only you sleep wake up later. inches before pajama happy now one hour before budget.

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Some of us he woke up with that I said, Now you pray your Salah. So another very end mean some of us he told me that your Lord has a right over you. But your wife also has the right view and your body also has the right over

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the company to Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam said his sermon Farsi has spoken the truth.

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So Islam there is no place for giving a family for the sake of the pious, your family have rights over Islam. Similarly, another Hadees that three men, they thought they wanted to be very pious. So one of them said, I am going to pray every single night will obviously be another one. So I am going to fast everyday and I'm not going to take a break. Another one says I'm never gonna get married. So Rasulullah sallallahu, he recently got very angry. He said, I am the most virtuous, the highest of all of you. But I pray and I sleep, I pass sometimes sometimes I go fast, and I get married. This is my sooner and when is my sooner.

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So the sooner is that you get married and you raise a family and you live with your family. And to strengthen this and to feel that you need to delude yourself to be righteous. This is built up this is the innovation. And this is something which the blockers will allow Islam for me. So we find that the family have a very high importance in Islam, and Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam has explained this in the Hadees we see the pharaoh Pharaoh.

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The best of you is the one who is basically his family. That's our religion. The best Muslim is the one who is best to his family. And many Muslims have misunderstood this, you will find many Muslims who I have met, they have big beards, they pray five times a day they go for Hajj for the beat up the wife and children. He beat him up. They don't show in their own to the family. The wife and kids cursed them around because they don't understand what the important part of the reason Genesis.

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Now we're talking about the home and

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my Arabic students can explain what is the word asking me

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was asking any of the Arabic students can explain this

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feature is lots of Arabic students here

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asking Elijah the second lesson in Arabic.

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What does it mean? To live as a means to the FMEA we get the word Mustang which is one of the one of the names for hope. And the root word for this is Sakina

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Sakina

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mahananda he explained this in the Quran. And he said what Gian Allahu Allah Subhana Allah subhanaw taala has placed you in your homes a source of peace, this is found in the house was at Allah has placed for you in your home a source of peace, so many others will have Allah explained to our room that he explained that from amongst Allah science is that he lives in peace together, you can live in peace together, and that you have created love and mercy between your

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experience in America life is supposed to be peace is supposed to be loved and it's supposed to be mercy. This is what Islam has promoted marriage for in these three things are missing from your baggage. There's something wrong with the home. So

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this is what Islam teaches about them. The question which arises then is why are we experiencing from in our families? If anybody wants to give any suggestions as to why you think they are problems Muslim anybody wants to give you suggestions?

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When required quiet crowd

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you know, I got a crowd of only 10 students in the us a lot more question is committed a lot more. So thinking that at least 50 people here

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anybody wants to tell me what do you think's causing problems?

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If you don't tell me I don't want to talk about

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Okay. I'll tell you what it is causing problems with families today. Okay.

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The first problem first thing I feel which is causing problems today is selfishness. Because

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the wife when she gets married she wants to know her rights. She don't want the husband rights she no one really knows it That's for sure. She's not worried what she'll future children rights. She wants her rights. That's all in other words you love for yourself.

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Someone who says he's talking about my brother in law my wife

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misunderstands misunderstandings Heidi's easy. First up, buddy, you love for your brother What is up for yourself? used to pray to him. His love for everybody else what you love for yourself. That's what is he talking about? Not just your brother, not just another man. It's everybody you love for them what you love for yourself. And so in Islam, when you treat people Islam The first thing must come to your head is do I want to be treated like this

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is the first thing you must think about. If you don't like to be treated like that. You shouldn't be treating your mother like if you don't like

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with either legislation imitating your mother in law like that, this is how we should think you love for doing what you love for yourself, even if you don't love them. Even if you don't love your in laws, even if you love your wife, wherever it is, you love for them what you love for yourself, because this is how Islam teaches you to be with people. If you do that slowly over time, the loves will, you will be mean to each other.

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So the first problem is that everybody's worried about it was only worried about their own stuff. No one's worried about the next person.

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News, what am I doing my duties to my husband? Did I hurt my mother was feeling

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depressed my children. Because I know some people forget children also Happy

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Mother's is my child, I can see what I want. So the mother will call it a stupid idiot. I know children will call them that when you're four years old, to the year 20 to 25. And you still remember, when I was four years old, my mother calling in

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the text a polite, it shouldn't have rights over YouTube. So the first major problem in families today is everybody's selfish. Everyone's worried about themselves. If you start whining about each other, another problem will be solved.

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The second major problem, which I find which is linked to selfishness, and arrogance, no one wants to admit you're wrong. husband or wife have a fight. Now that they must you see I'm sorry.

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It just is happening in your family. You are never gonna be able to solve the problem will have to have humility, even if you are right, CCM wrong to keep peace in the family. But everyone has everyone everyone wants to have a daisy. So many people will find it. Everything must be Daisy, how can my husband talk to me like this? How can this person talk to me again, they know who I am. This is the methodology of the Shakedown. And as a Ruby I investigating as long as you feel you are better than everybody else. You are never gonna be able to live in peace with anybody and sued if we need to look at our own hearts and see, are we humble enough to admit we are wrong?

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I've seen this in so many families I've seen a husband and wife every time that you get together they just calling each other stupid idiots. That's the only word the end point each other stupid idiots. And then

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the wife will tell the husband will say something anything We'll see. We'll see you wrong. It's like this. Anything Give me the stupidest thing he said that. Stealing having a specialty no can be can be a very special city. Why? Because the city

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make these three stupid reasons a fighter jet is something. So you really need to get over the arrogance. If a husband and wife was to get along with you. They need to be humble. It seemed to parents and children. Okay, sometimes your children can be right. Children need to be humble enough to respect the appearance. You need to be humble with everybody. arrogance will take four major cause of problems the family's major major cause is looking for faults, looking for faults in other people. This is caused too many problems in a family in Alaska with Elijah pujara, Chapter 49 verse number 12. He tells us a very important principle to keep us at peace everybody else he said yeah,

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you already know. All those who believe he can even conceive Amina is wrong, stay away from suspicion, stay away from thinking bad about others

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in the barber is because when he attains your suspicion is a sin. Just to suspect somebody else doing wrong this is an issue of proof

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is a crime scene. Somebody got murdered. And the man standing there with a with a gun in his hand is permissible to be suspicious. But it just makes you suspicious of people this person. I'm sure I'm just showing my husband must have a girlfriend. You just saying that because of your insecurity. Or I'm sure I'm sure that my son is doing something wrong in the room. So you show about even Do you have any sign of it your sons even 510 Sarah is going to the mosquito right now because this is the Islamic Guidance Center to nine o'clock at night listening to a lecture and showing up to knots in some industries. We don't suspect the presence in a broader zone is

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when your times suspicious is under continued in the person next point need to this the same breath he's one of the justices did not smile let's spy on anyone did not spy did not search for 40 others do in Islam that if two people are committing Zina, and you have been put into the house, as Peter Dickerson's, he and committing Zina, you are the one who will get national debt. The Magician is right.

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If the two people committing Zina and you had to peek into the house to see what someone's doing in his house, and you saw them, and you see you're getting bashed, am I right? Because number one, you got no witnesses. Number two, what is not your business to peek into somebody else's house? It's not your business. So you start to spy on people. If someone does something wrong, you see someone doing something wrong. You correct him for like you correct him in the right manner. But you don't go looking for faults in others. And this your problem starts because let me tell you anything.

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Any member of your family is a human being. As the member of the family has a force, it can be your husband, you give your child the appearance, it can be your in laws, it can be anyone, everybody has force. And once you start praying and looking for work, you will find one, you will definitely find a 40 everybody once you find faults in everybody to get along with nobody and that's really the next part of the verse comes in, and none of us should have by each other. You see all the buzz is next to nothing bear the Bible's not spire hasn't been attacked by others. If you stay away from thinking that you're not going to spy and demeanor Cause everything to back right about. So it's always there

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fighting his kusumi problems. I know of a mother in law and her father in law and his daughter in law which no speak for years, because her it forward is above the noise against the and say this about I said that about her. In the middle. I didn't say anything, but just to be problems. The family, she's backbiting she's making up rumors to cause problems between the two of them. And he is he found out that the ante was nine. But for years a couple of times with this man, why? Because numerous fit. So be careful, do not backbite. As

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many times parents are surely children must be doing something wrong. Neither plan is your right to collect your child to need your child for the State Park. Once your child Once you've done this in the initial stages, once they are adults, you don't look for Cause if you see them doing something wrong, you correct him in the right manner. And you don't go searching for 14 year because you will definitely find a human and I get into the same childhood searching for false unity comes as the same if you you can find lots of faults.

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So the way you teach your children is very important because I've seen lots of children who don't visit the parents anymore. Why? Because they know the parents first thing depends on how they did this wrong in that drop while doing this way. We definitely do propose a case Did you seriously doing something wrong? You know, your central heating Salah you don't know when

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to correct them. But don't look for a fault. Someone who's trying to because because everyone's trying to be good.

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Okay, so what did I see are the major causes of problems so far? anybody remembers?

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selfishness. Second one.

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arrogance, the other one

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was

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looking for faults looking for faults in other people. Okay.

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The next major cause of family problems, they put up a controversial one.

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It's culture is when people give preference to culture of Islam. Now, whatever your culture is, you can be Indian, you can be Western, you can be African, whatever your culture is, you can practice that part of your culture, which has some consequence.

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You know, whether you have done in rice on Friday, which Indian culture you have burgers on Friday, which is Western culture is still permissible. I just make sure the meat is right. But

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that's permissible, because it doesn't matter as long as it's not contradict any of the principles of Islam. Or when your culture clashes with Islam.

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And you give preference to your culture of Islam, I guarantee you, you're gonna cause problems.

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And I've met so many youngsters who told me Can you help me conduct a secret? nikka No project secret because I don't have

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to always tell them no, but then over 10 or 20 times when asked him why Oh, my father doesn't want me to get married because the girls

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my mother didn't get married because the girls and my father doesn't imagine because you know we different races. Anything wrong with the girl No, she's in Egypt decreased by 10.

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So also in our cultures, for example, we have cultural expectations for children. So my child must be a doctor. You don't want to be a doctor. He's done like large VCs belly pains. But it is because your cause even will look down upon if your son is sitting on the computer instead of being a doctor. So he has to be a doctor so you forced him to be a doctor and he becomes one of the worst doctors in South Africa we feel someone's operation operating team who's

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so don't force your children to do something culturally because of your high standing in society. You know if they want to do some a job which is valid which causes problems in families which many people don't take seriously this next point people don't take it seriously people don't think it causes problems in families.

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It's having a haram source of income. If you have a haram source of income, you sewage around your house in

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your stomach in Haram is not accepted. It was not accepted is no Baraka your family is your source of income you cannot have a happy family until you stop over to allow source of income and so many Muslims relocate. You know so many Muslims have the law degree by them the day you go into the shop, they're selling cigarettes, they saw a picture magazines and then they wonder why they have problems with their children. When it was nothing except a Sunni Muslim being interested in insurance is all insurance. But they wonder why they haven't come from that home if your source of income in haram

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You by me that era, you're raising your children with Hannah and the other Heidi's Rasulullah sallallahu. Even if a person is lost in the desert, and he's lonely, this is the big Allah to get you to help him. But if this person's food is haram, his clothing is haram

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individually help you have a happy home, okay, so having a halau source of income is very important to happy family.

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The next point, what will make a family happy is to do with entertainment. And this is another controversial topic.

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to any advocacy original group called entity within Islam, inshallah will be published within the next three months. And then we need out inshallah you can purchase it from any of the bookshops. But it's a very important topic, it's very important because lots of times parents having a wrong understanding of this topic, you say children is cheap. So you go to some homes, all the children do all these watch TV. That's all they do all day, yesterday, watch TV, whatever is on TV, you will give me the Simpsons, you can be Johnny Bravo, it can be something you're going to watch. Because you will be teaching your husband at work in these independent TV, the average income show all very

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bad things to them. And the goal of ABC and these children they did you know picking up anything. The one thing when they become teenagers, you want the way that they learn all of this crazy stuff, because you're giving them over exposure to things which are wrong. On the other hand, okay, now what's something haram Guatemalans movements around about your pentacle do hanamaki. So what is the childhood woody Quran? Now a child by his fitrah in his grandpa, basically no source of energy.

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You know, this boy used to do you just go to a neighbor's house and watch bad movies, the neighbor's daughter.

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Yeah, this is odd, because you're not giving me any alternatives. You know, when these things are in the house, you know, if you tell your son is haram to go for the pickup show, when he sneaks out of the house, you're not going to say because even for Michael Jackson show, Michael Jackson, he passed away now some people are going to be doing a Muslim Allah, we need that for today's topic. But the conditioning of the house you know, for the go for the thing is the same, because I'm gonna go for something worse. If you tell your children watching peace TV, Islamic TV station Haram, when you sneak out of your house, with a good piece TV on, I can guarantee you that you won't be watching

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anything and everything and get your hands off. Because only this one chance whatsoever. So how do we do television, anybody wants to give ideas how to do television.

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Because you see this issue whether you expose your children to television or not, they want to be exposed to

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it was at your cousin's house at your parents house at a friend's house in school, they failed. We'll be talking about it between two solid videos on your cell phone ideas.

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Nobody by the nj media

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take a weekend

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out

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read the exact same fatwa from a chef on Islam today.

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As of today, he said that, you know, we can't keep your children away from television today. So what we advise is that you keep control content control content, you watch with them. And for example, you watching for example, let's give you an example of something which is relatively clean. Okay, Pixar animated movies and the only family entertainment. So we watching it with them. Now because you may not use them somewhere down the line, something will happen which we don't approve of. But because it's an animated movie, it's something which is family themed, nothing hectic, it's what happens right? So when you come across points which you talk to your children, you ask them, Is this

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right? Is this wrong? And you discuss to them and teach them how to develop a self consciousness so that when you are gone, when they are elsewhere, they are able to judge for themselves. Oh, I can't watch this. Because this is wrong. I can watch this because this is why and most importantly to deal in detail in my view is we have to provide the standard. We have to have the standard alternatives.

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quotation from chef Samana odor from his book walking the streets. He says that Islamic workers have rejected mass media in the past the world against the evil

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The dangers of television, they ultimately found themselves compelled to accept the fact that such things are here to stay and cannot be ignored. They realized that you were going to have to use this media to call people to Islam and give people a wholesome alternative to the full TV watching. This way, the television or the mass media options became a means of disseminating Islam. These means we understood to take the meaning of the ends for which they were employed. They were not to be regarded as good or evil in and of themselves. So basically what check some of our See, you see, is a television or first invented, or the Wizard of Oz.

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But after Why did he die is not working. Everybody's still watching television, what are we going to do about it. And so Dawson's stream about pstv, Islam channel, one Islam productions, one by one alternatives came about. And basically, what he says is that television is a tool. It can be used for good, it can be used to evil, how you use it, is what's important. So you cannot take your children and make him not watch anything at all. It's never gonna happen. I know those children personally, who grew up in homes with a venom of television. And they know everything, you know, I was the son of one chef. And one of my friends was telling me how soon how wonderful this child is,

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he doesn't know anything of the television world. So I'm sitting with a child. And then he saw this other person was talking to me is watching a movie. He said, How can the person watching I will

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see how the robot sees I watched it already. expense. She had nothing to do with SharePoint.

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So I asked him, if he was moving. He says, Yes, I called internet I bought a laptop to watch movies. In Asti, how does your partner know the city at the memorial?

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Did you watch anything? Okay, so how the law his father was controlling now his father was not controlling. He had a laptop and he had the internet, I guarantee you if you watch everything, anything and everything, okay? This is a sort of a shift. Okay? So television is a tool. If you, if you're going to be banned out completely, then you're going to have problems, you're going to be rebellious, they're going to go elsewhere to watch. So I asked you to provide an Islamic alternative. And this is why we need more Muslims in the media. Who's going to produce these alternatives? I can tell you some of the older Islamic countries I have washed up the cheap like,

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you know, your children watch a Pixar animated movie, and you put something on your stomach for them and you don't know what did you know why the quality but how many were as of late you're having good quality ceramic programs. For example, PCBs are good children's program, they're enjoying Islam with DNA and that would be cut out what we want is some production for the Jackie cartoons. All of these are high quality productions, which promote Islamic values. You know, My son is two years old. And he can he knows how to pre select by watching this ethical watching in Islamic countries.

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So these cartoons are very beneficial. So you need to provide alternatives and only we can provide alternatives is if some of us go into this field and work on alternatives. Okay, I told them you to help them remember the content and help them distinguish between good and bad. And so they do on their own they're able to control that service it also helps make this problem they make this mistake that you see by just touching this haram haram which is I want to stay away from the punish it shouldn't it shouldn't stay away from it. It doesn't work when you do that which you can stay away from it in front of you because they are afraid of you. So for example, if you're only beating

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your child every time he misses a Salah he's only really solid because he does not want to get beaten the minute you go on holiday and even behind that oh we

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need to teach him to love Allah need to teach him to pre Salah because of how it benefits him has been closer to Allah then you think Salah probably somebody who just has a child that television haram can watch anything

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and you checked in at him Are you gonna

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lock him up in his room if he doesn't obey you in front of you he'll he'll obey you but it's nearly out of out of the house. He's going to make sure he finds a way to watch this thing. So you have to teach the reasons behind things why you do this why we shouldn't do that. We should not go to extremes a big MBT

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I've seen some Bannister he knew he knows to play a game of Scrabble around. Cut the Starbucks around. Cheers accompany soccer around who do

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you have to provide alternatives and you know if you have the opinion everything is haram then I advise you and become that you need to buy my book. Okay.

00:29:39--> 00:29:41

Okay, so

00:29:42--> 00:29:44

these are some of the things which cause problems.

00:29:46--> 00:29:50

So what did what did they say causes problems in the family so far anyone wants to repeat

00:29:52--> 00:29:54

what causes problems with families?

00:29:56--> 00:29:59

selfishness. Okay. arrogance, guys.

00:30:02--> 00:30:02

What else

00:30:04--> 00:30:04

this is the side,

00:30:06--> 00:30:07

the model need to know

00:30:10--> 00:30:15

finding faults finding faults in each other, to look for faults in your elements.

00:30:18--> 00:30:34

Because what happens, it becomes a game of tennis like this, this is wrong with you. But that is wrong with you eventually, but this is wrong with you. That is wrong with you. And he goes back and forth, back and forth. And next thing you know, we didn't cause anything they like about each other to look for faults overlook. Okay. What else?

00:30:36--> 00:30:40

culture, not culture is not wrong. Only when it conflicts with Islam is

00:30:41--> 00:30:46

nothing more Islam supports all cultures that don't mean you don't have to go to the stuff. If you are

00:30:48--> 00:31:19

African and you convert to Islam, are you practicing your culture, but you only give up those elements of your culture which are against Islam, for example, African cultures drink a lot of alcohol into the human chain itself is not the problem. It's only when he contradicts any of the Islamic principles. Okay, that's why I have one problem our community is if people can go to establish and enforce Indian culture pandyan they went into suggesting like Indians, never such a thing again, you know, what was happening to me that we had such a misconception of his stuff, and he was allowed to eat spicy food.

00:31:21--> 00:31:23

You have to be forcing Indian Islam upon people.

00:31:24--> 00:31:26

Okay, so culture, what else?

00:31:29--> 00:31:33

The media, how you handle media, how you didn't beat you up the two extremes in the middle part of that.

00:31:36--> 00:32:12

If one or both of the parents are not practicing Islam, you're going to have problems, you know, may seem all wounds in the beginning, that your children are listening to you doing whatever you want you you are doing, you're the one watching your show, your wife and others are watching her show. And children I didn't make the station. And if I do do things nosara seems like a very happy or even enjoying himself. His enjoyment is temporary. When you turn into teenagers in the pain begins, because you didn't give them any grounding. You know, when you have been drowning, you never give them any basis on how to live their lives. You didn't give them an example. Most importantly, never

00:32:12--> 00:32:24

give them an example. Do you know how important it is for parents as an example. I don't think lots of parents understand this. No one was talking to me, he was smoking. And he told me, my son ever smoke, I will beat them up.

00:32:26--> 00:32:26

You can expect that.

00:32:27--> 00:32:33

When the man is moving, you tell you if he shouldn't he was moved into the building, he shouldn't elicit you can expect that.

00:32:35--> 00:32:59

You have to set an example for your children. And you if you want your children to be good at this in Muslim, you yourself have to be first. You yourself need to be a practicing Muslim. And that begins by changing the current knowledge of Islam. And again, one more example of the culture continuous Islam. You know, one man was telling me how nice he is using his daughter. He says hamdulillah I don't want my daughter to listen to any Western music. Only Bollywood

00:33:01--> 00:33:07

why the Indian product? So in Bollywood, the Indians which allowed in Hollywood is restaurants which

00:33:08--> 00:33:09

was the difference?

00:33:10--> 00:33:15

You see this in a culture called the dish Islam. You say don't give this to any religion they see. Because

00:33:16--> 00:33:48

when you say no, this is a Bollywood this person needs to understand religion. Okay, then you get them to only practice the part of Islam which says, you know, if you're doing this, it shouldn't we think of you as a hypocrite. So when some issue comes up with Islam, which you don't like, then you put it under the carpet. You ignore it, you know, people will talk about it, to pick this up. Children pick it up and make mental note of it. You know, children go to school, they come home, they say Mommy, I learned this in school, how come in doing it. He didn't do what he wanted me to in school.

00:33:49--> 00:34:26

So when you act like this with your children, they pick it up and they lose respect for their parents because their parents are hypocritical. The parents are not practicing Islam properly. So you need to practice Islam completely if you want to be role models for your children. Okay. The next problem in the in Muslim home is haram sources of entertainment. Again, having fun, there's nothing wrong with having fun, right? There's nothing wrong with being with your children. It shouldn't have been funny dreams, especially when they're very small. But the sources are important. What are you letting your children do for fun? Where you've been hanging out and when they haven't

00:34:26--> 00:34:59

been? Where they going to have their fun? Oh, this is very important. This is why it's so important for us to create alternatives. This is one reason I get very jealous of other countries. You know, so many other countries I have seen you go to the machines. They have a beautiful soccer field. They have a swimming pool, they have a coffee, coffee shopping leisure area, they have a gym, and you know the youth in those communities hang out, hang out in the masjid as an goons go for Salah to be a lecture happening in a basketball court. Nearly have fun at the masjid and they end up being disallowed end up spending all the time at the mosque in our community.

00:35:00--> 00:35:07

Because we have been treated as alternatives, they have no choice. If they want to go play soccer, they have to go elsewhere. If they want to go and

00:35:08--> 00:35:19

hang out with their friends, there's no Islamic things for them to hang out. So we need to create, we need to create alternatives. We need to create alternatives and allow sources for them to have fun, otherwise, there's going to be a lot of problems.

00:35:21--> 00:35:32

And finally, one major, major cause of family problems, major part in living beyond your means, living beyond your means. But any major

00:35:33--> 00:35:55

you know, you want to have a BMW because your best friend has a BMW. So you take a loan and you buy a BMW in your friend buys a big TV. So you take a loan and you buy the TV, in your family to a bigger house, you take a loan in which is bigger house. So humbly like a BMW equal a big TV, you will be house for why you're not happy.

00:35:57--> 00:35:58

You're dead set culture. They're

00:35:59--> 00:36:03

all in here, sitting looking at TV going into senior heavy, that's

00:36:05--> 00:36:07

usually the case.

00:36:09--> 00:36:18

You know, Chino joins us, right? Do you know it is around take a loan or interest. That's number one. Number two, even if there's no interest involved, it's haram to take a loan. And this is a necessity.

00:36:19--> 00:36:39

To my one of my staff, Dr. Phillips, he explained to me that seeking a loan, without necessity is equal to begging, you're begging when you're taking a loan, you're asking people, please use the form of begging. Imagine necessity is not a problem. You don't have a car, you can't afford a car, you take a loan, you buy yourself a 30,000 and a 20,000 car, you don't take a loan and buy a BMW.

00:36:40--> 00:37:03

It doesn't work whether we live within the media Allah has created for you, and you can you work your way up. Now if you have the means if you are rich, there's nothing wrong, nothing haram about owning a BMW. There's nothing wrong about living in a big house. There's nothing wrong with it, as long as it's within your means. But once you start buying everything alone, just to reach a certain social status, everyone can look up to you and say, Well, he's got a nice car, well, he's got a nice house.

00:37:05--> 00:37:28

Once you do this, then you're creating problems for yourself and your family. This is one of the major causes of homes falling apart. So very important if you want to have a happy home live within your means live within your means you can't afford a BMW yet buy a Toyota Corolla, you can buy to the Corona, buy a Honda, whatever you can afford by delivery, you can't afford a big screen TV baseball team, you can't afford a computer by a by a

00:37:32--> 00:37:59

good computer yet you know within your means don't live beyond your means because that's when you create problems for yourself. I know people who you know the earning maybe 7000 besides the daily expenses besides the monthly expenses which you all need a lot when it comes to in life and what they need besides that they got they need to pay a receipt of it and in terms of in terms of the loans because it was a big TV they were nice car they've got nice everything but it's beyond me.

00:38:01--> 00:38:11

So if you want to be happy then there's no need to live within your means you will be free of debt when you're free of debt psychologically you are happier and you're able to get loans

00:38:13--> 00:38:13

okay.

00:38:15--> 00:38:17

So those are the problem causes the bank.

00:38:19--> 00:38:19

Okay.

00:38:22--> 00:38:52

So before we move on, to talk about what do we need now? The nice apart I see a nice bottle ending what are the good qualities which we can add to ourselves to make our homes happy. You know, one of the problems is really these problems, you still won't have a very happy home unless you have certain qualities in you. Okay, so what are the qualities needed for good Muslim boy? What are the qualities needed for good Muslim? Number one, you need to be have knowledge of Islam and practice of Islam

00:38:55--> 00:39:40

did not know Islam and you did not practice Islam properly. Then you will be unable to have Allah subhanaw taala blessing yo Allah, which they know is not if you will not even a thing you're not gonna have this yo. If you are not wearing hijab, Allah, Allah bless you. So you need to be a practicing Muslim. You start off by learning Islam attending his lectures attending Islamic conferences kpcb or some other source of wisdom lecture at your house, listen to it, learn your need, and pick up like this become a practicing Muslim. And once you do this, you will find a big change Do you know why? Because now the angels will be circling your home will be officially allies

00:39:40--> 00:39:42

members all the time. And they will be

00:39:44--> 00:39:55

allowed for fun because this is the Allah happy angels come there because you are doing you will even be alive even when you're having fun. So we need to have knowledge of Islam. We need that.

00:39:56--> 00:39:59

Nowadays, for some reason we don't yet know good

00:40:00--> 00:40:05

lecture is about loving evil, as the love doesn't exist in Islam, and so analyze and read the Sira,

00:40:06--> 00:40:10

Islam, you have a lot of love for his white children as well.

00:40:12--> 00:40:21

You know his wife Khadija she passed away, and many years later, I inshallah Jana will get jealous because he still is to talk about APD.

00:40:22--> 00:40:44

This is love. He will talk about the MVD, even though he has nine otherwise. He's going to talk about the MPD This is his children. You know, he beginning the Janaka, giving the Juma hookah and you will see a grandson crying in the back of the budget. You stop the cooker get down and pick up the grandchild and coming down. This is the love He has faced pressure.

00:40:45--> 00:41:08

And many of us resent this love and mercy. You know, we find so many things I have seen especially fathers, especially fathers, who the work they come home, the one the subject to the children. You know, there are so many families like this. And then one day we need to talk to your children, they can't talk because they lost the connection A long time ago, because he's not connected to tell you a younger Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam once he kissed his grandchildren,

00:41:10--> 00:41:14

and when he said you kiss your children, I have 10 sons I never kissed any of you

00:41:16--> 00:41:24

replied that Allah will not show mercy to those that because he will have mercy for your family to other people.

00:41:26--> 00:41:59

In other IDs which is allowed, mostly to do with a merciful to mankind. So you started your family but extends to the rest of mankind. You have to have mercy, love, mercy, compassion, understanding, understanding, you have to understand your family members. You know, if your wife is going through a tough stage, you know she's going through some hardship you need to be understanding to support them. If your children are having fun, just need to be supportive. So sometimes the child comes home from school is very sad, very angry. And multizone Why are you angry? What's your problem? Could you

00:42:00--> 00:42:02

I guarantee you there's not going to be the child any happier.

00:42:03--> 00:42:31

We have to be understanding finally what's wrong what made your child unhappy baby is its own within that school. Previous legal problem you need to talk to the understanding to your wife we understand your children we understand it your parents understand everyone and cheating with love and verse the verse I mentioned earlier on that said he created for you spouses for what? Peace Love and Mercy These are three regions for appeal you will know peace you got no love No Mercy gonna be happy love

00:42:32--> 00:42:34

all of us we need to have the guts

00:42:35--> 00:42:48

to be a practicing Muslim to have a happy home to have a happy home we have there will be you have to love everyone in the home otherwise you will not be able to be a loving father or loving mother or loving child

00:42:49--> 00:43:27

another important policy for happy home is you need to have family most of us will have very much like the mother is working the father working with children at school it will come to a tired everyone's doing their own thing ever go to see me time is really important to sit together to talk together to be a family to create the love between your personal Arsenal now Islam is a Heidi's a very beautiful Heidi's with him a very long story about enable woman in the husband a very long story and he stopped and he listened and he laughed at you he commented on the story. This is family tennis. I just need to be there talking and you know just enjoying each other's company sometimes

00:43:27--> 00:43:46

there's a story in the day of him that he said he will Ayesha outside watching the sport watching stuff ever seen his thing disappears you spending time together sometimes you'll be relaxing in a musty because you must do is next door to the door to his house to be relaxing in the musty Judy's head by the window of his house I shall be just sitting combing his hair

00:43:47--> 00:44:00

but intend to get a you know spending time together can help you so much in bonding and helping spread the slamming of family for example give me a pass he was the cousin of of London at the London center and he was a child but you know

00:44:01--> 00:44:35

taught him Akita don't think the appeal of Islam Do you know how he taught it to him? You don't teach him with a lecture he took him for a ride and his camera around him and it when the cameras together he told him in your past me tell you something that everyone in the world gathers to how ridiculous communist Allah was it ever again gathers to benefit you they cannot benefit you as Allah was it and it's a very low ideas within the Abbas even with words for words. You know why? Because of the city, because you are siding with a camel with Rasulullah rasa because you are having fun with you because you're really close to him because he was a special moment that allows him I

00:44:35--> 00:44:39

created in this special moment he taught me this Akita Remember

00:44:41--> 00:45:00

to work with your children don't just within reach him at school, they will be doing something wrong. You take the child for a giant sitting in the car by the beach and top layer, you find that the child be much more receptive because it's a relaxed environment. It's an environment spinning close to you. This is a very important point. family time is very important. We don't have to

00:45:00--> 00:45:02

Anytime you're not gonna have a happier

00:45:03--> 00:45:05

these important quality is server.

00:45:06--> 00:45:06

App Server.

00:45:08--> 00:45:14

Without server is no happiness No, you know why? Because everybody makes mistakes. One day your wife will burn

00:45:15--> 00:45:47

one day your husband couldn't make one he his children are going to be the dishes. What do you what do you know Michael, you something you don't like? Whatever it is whatever it is, you have to have someone who will look at it with each other. In the Quran, Allah tells us that if we dislike something, your wife, many other things you might like about them. Meaning that they don't come to you know, by the way, guys is false. You need to get in the door, all the good things she's done for you. And you will realize the font is very small, there's no need to make it a big issue. So overlook the faults in each other and have supper.

00:45:48--> 00:45:56

Okay, so summer, patience is very, very important for happy home. If you're not patient to each other's faults with each other's mistakes, there are going to be problems.

00:45:59--> 00:46:20

Finally, there's two more points. Number one is you need to respect respect your husband, respect your wife, respect your children, respect your parents, respect your in laws and respect everyone. Everyone needs to be respected. So when you treat everyone with respect, naturally people treat you with respect. This is the nature of things, they will people come forward and say I want you to respect me.

00:46:21--> 00:46:51

You can respect people, they naturally feel requirements of respecting me, someone's coming to you and talking to you nicely, they be friendly with you, immediately respect comes into your hospital. So if you are respectful to every member of your family, automatically, they will start respecting you show respect is very important. And finally, a very, very important point. To have a happy home is determination need to be determined to make your own work to make things work. Whatever problems you have in your home. Understand that Allah says law equal equal love justice

00:46:53--> 00:47:27

does not burden any soul more than he can handle. Meaning any problem you have in your home you can handle it, you can overcome it. This is a very optimistic verse. Any problem you have you can overcome it, you have a problem, a certain problem with any member of the family can be overcome. You just need to be determined need to remember this first and you need to work hard to get it to overcome the problems. So work together, you get to it. And one final point is are we do everything we should always consult each other work together. Don't be a boss, with a wife or the husband where we don't be bossy to the rest of the family. consult them give the opinion kids at the understanding

00:47:27--> 00:47:54

why they don't like what you said why we do take what you do and work together like this for the sake of Allah towards a better happy home inshallah. So we can I would like to conclude and inshallah, hope this has been of benefit, inshallah. And if at any point whichever style which you wanted me to talk about any issues which I mentioned, which you want to question you to ask any questions about, we have five minutes, in which you can ask your question, inshallah. So anybody has any questions or any comments, anything to add on?

00:47:56--> 00:48:00

We don't want to ask the question, but when you can say the pitch the front shall.

00:48:05--> 00:48:06

Are you thinking so?

00:48:10--> 00:48:11

Give yourself time to think about it.

00:48:12--> 00:48:15

I'm sure you must be questions because

00:48:16--> 00:48:22

this issue of the family survival lado everyday I get questions every day.

00:48:23--> 00:48:39

Every single day without fail. Someone has asked me a question about this problem with my parents. How did you approach this problem with my children how they deal with this problem, my spouse, I deal with it. But now the opportunity to ask something general which you find the problem with?

00:48:48--> 00:48:49

any questions at all?

00:48:52--> 00:48:53

Everybody awake?

00:48:56--> 00:49:03

Okay. So you understood everything I said, without anything being confusing by anybody raising questions your head, how could you see that?

00:49:04--> 00:49:05

And then I learned differently.

00:49:08--> 00:49:09

No question.

00:49:10--> 00:49:12

Angie, I helped me or ask a question.

00:49:24--> 00:49:26

And both parties expect a lot from each other.

00:49:44--> 00:49:57

Okay, the problem here near your question is that the problems are societies and lots of youngsters get married. They don't know what to expect. The husband is what the man he's watching TV. He sees a woman on TV and he expects his wife to be right there on the person

00:49:59--> 00:49:59

then the wife

00:50:00--> 00:50:37

She's watching TV, he sees his macho husband daily, you know, takes care of all his wife needs him. You know, she's living like a queen. She got a big house big talents to get married, her husband doesn't give you all of them. And, you know, we get these unrealistic expectations based on TV based on novels, based on many of these things. How do we deal with this? The main problem IP layout community on this is that we don't teach youngsters the free college. Alpha media, how many courses have you seen teaching people? How to do for spouse? islamically? What's Hello, what's up? First of all, can you talk to uh, can you see your face? Can you see her here? We don't know how to do this.

00:50:37--> 00:51:05

When you get married, how to deal with each other, you know, rulings for the bedroom house, the husband wife give each other individually. There's lots of Islamic literature about this. This is a whole issue of how do you deal with children? Was the meaning of family planning? You know, can we have? Can we limit how many children we want? All of these issues? people have in their mind, but we don't talk about it. And because we don't talk about it, when people get mad at the problem. People have problems to get married. Because now to get married, they need each other. Now our

00:51:07--> 00:51:09

mommy no tongue at motors. Now what do

00:51:11--> 00:51:14

they think the wife is crying, the husband is angry. And

00:51:15--> 00:51:38

so the solution to that is that we need to divide the peak of marriage, we need to divide it. And you know, some countries, I think it was Malaysia, we they have a certificate in Malaysia, they have a certificate that before you get married, you have to do of course, in the pic of marriage, you do the course you can use the ticket, then the email conducted. And that has helped decrease the divorce rate a lot. Obviously divorces can still happen.

00:51:39--> 00:51:46

And you know, this is actually a blessing of Islam because for example, in Roman Catholic in Orthodox Christianity, it was in Haram.

00:51:47--> 00:51:53

So a person will get married. And the husband of using these team up you can be a dog advocate wherever you can never ever, ever get divorced.

00:51:55--> 00:51:58

But Islam divorce is allowed. In situations when

00:51:59--> 00:52:03

you got married and your spouse is leading you astray is not what you want it

00:52:04--> 00:52:28

to be for the situation, or your spouse in loving a child as he can he beat you up, you can get divorced in that situation. But in general, for divorcing was one even those can be overcome very easily if you just teach people the trick of marriage. So we need to have courses on this. People need to talk about it. People need to ask the questions about it. And we need to learn this before we get started. Otherwise, there will be lots of problems. And there's a very good question and your question.

00:52:32--> 00:52:38

According to my meter only spoke for 52 meters 42 minutes for 60 minutes. So give me another question.

00:52:43--> 00:52:46

No questions about this decide Any question?

00:52:49--> 00:52:56

Okay, so I think it definitely is, and we know more emails or messages and I've got this problem with any memo mentality with everybody.

00:53:05--> 00:53:07

Okay, just one advertisement here.

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It is worth any interactive. It's fun, because because really brilliant teachers, one of the teachers sitting in the back quietly, but you can ask him more chef Pilates Did you give you more information about alcocer? Okay.

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Anything to do with a pic of knowledge because family life

00:54:57--> 00:54:59

okay, so inshallah, we all have

00:55:00--> 00:55:01

happier days ahead of us.

00:55:02--> 00:55:19

Okay, and unless you want to make every member of our families rightly guided me Allah subhanaw taala guide each and every one of us because of our role models of Islam, and maybe pull all our happiness and contentment as a teen or Nicola Kumasi Salaam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.