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3 Dimensions of Qawwam

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Ismail Kamdar

Channel: Ismail Kamdar

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

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Surah Nisa chapter number four verse 34. Allah subhanaw taala says, I'll reach out to our Munna Allah Nisa be more affordable Allahu Allah, but will be more unbecoming. I'm Wally him. So the first part of this verse lays out the role of the Muslim men, that men have a one over the a woman, because Allah has blessed him with certain preferences, certain advantages that the other does not have, and because they spend their wealth on them, then Allah lays out the role of the woman was solely how to call Anita to have a desire to know how to be more happy the law, the pious woman is obedient to a husband and gods in the absence of a husband, that which Allah has commanded commanded

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her to God. So we'll break down the second half of this verse in the next slide. But let's focus on the first half Allah subhanaw taala says that the role of the man is to be a worm, and the role of the woman is to be on a thought.

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So what is a worm what is called that?

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A worm has multiple layers of meaning.

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It means to protect, it means to provide, but it also means to lead. And so if you open the books of tafsir, you will find for example, Imam Al Ghul, to be Rahim, Allah says that men archiwum over woman means that men are the leaders of the household. And when the Allah says Allah has given them some advantage over others, he says that men only can be the Khalifa only men can be kings, only men can be judges, only men can be Imams. So Allah has clearly given them this advantage. And in exchange for this advantage, they have responsibilities. Right? So in Islam, everything is an exchange, that Allah has given someone additional advantages, he has also given that person

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additional responsibilities. And so in an Islamic family marriage, the bulk of the responsibilities fall on the husband, right, because the husband does have a

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high status, and he has an advantage over his wife and children, as you will see that a wife is commanded to obey her husband, right. But in exchange for that, he also has to provide a lot of value to the marriage. So he spends his wealth on his wife and children. Therefore they expect obedience in return, meaning that the Islamic marriage system is one of a man provides, protects and leads the woman and children follow him. And together, they build a home.

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So what does it mean to provide, protect and lead, the first meaning of Guam is to protect. And this means that a man's presence in the life of his family should make them feel safe. It is his job to make his wife and children safe, both physically and emotionally, that the home that he chooses for them, the area that they choose to live in, how they live their lives, where they go, when they go out, whatever they do, safety should always be his number one priority. And safety,

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of course, extends also to how he treats them. Right. So if a man is a tyrant, if a man is violent, if a man is scary, and his wife, and children don't feel safe, and he's at home, because of his violent temper, then he has failed to be a protector, because he cannot even protect him from his own self. So a man needs to be brave, and a man needs to be strong. And he needs to use that courage and that strength to protect his family, not to harm his family, right, that a woman should feel safe in the presence of a husband, because she knows she got this big, strong man who is going to protect her, that he's going to use his strength to protect her not to harm her. And this is again,

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we're many people these days.

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For me, the two extremes are one extreme, we have men who treat their strength and their their physical strength and this fighting skills as a way of controlling and a way of hurting and a way of striking fear in their families to such an extent that their families are terrified of them. I wish they could escape from them. This is abuse. This is zulum to see oppression, and such men will be held accountable in the sight of Allah for having abused their position of power. Right. On the other hand, on the other extreme, we have this modern ideology of trying to turn men into weak, soft spoken, flabby, pathetic guys who can't even protect themselves lever on their own families. These

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men are so weak that their wives can beat them up. Their children can beat them up. They can't see

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Anything they can't do anything, because they have absolutely no physical presence at all. These are two extremes. The middle part is to be strong, but that strength should be for protecting, not for harming. And so in the Hadith the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam says that the strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, even though there is good input. And strength over here requires emotional strength, physical strength, spiritual strength, every type of strength, but strength is necessary to fulfill your role as protector. Now it's important to know that when we talk about these roles of protector provider leader,

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it applies primarily to the family, but it also extends to the community. So when we look at the Sahaba, the Sahaba, who we remember most fondly, were not just protectors of their family, but they were protected of the community as well. Right through example, Omar Abdullah, Hatha Raja, the one who not only will he protect his wives and his children, but He will protect the OMA right both as a soldier and as a Khalifa he was the person who's whose presence was there to protect people from harm and from oppression. Right same will hardly even Waleed same would have many of the Illuminati told him and many of the other leading Sahaba that they were our models of protection, we see this

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word Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that his presence would make his wife and his children and stepchildren and his grandchildren all feel safe, because they knew they were in the presence of a good man who can protect them, should anyone try to harm them understand that the world is a very scary place. And there's a lot of evil people out there. Specifically, a lot of evil men out there.

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And the role of the of a Muslim man is to protect his wives and children, from such men and from such people. So he has to do whatever is necessary to keep his family safe. It means getting a home in a good area. It means knowing where your wife and kids are, it means having some control over where they go. And when they go out. It means making sure that your woman folk always having Mahara with them, as well as as often as possible. And as much as as possible, right? Obviously can't be all the time because you have to be at work, right?

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It means making sure that your home is safe, it means making sure that you live in a safe neighborhood, it means being at least physically strong enough to defend yourself and your family if you have to. So men need to focus on all of this, if they want to get married, if they want to become real men, they have to learn how to protect. And that means being able to make people feel safe, being able to fight when necessary. And being able to establish a home and a routine and a lifestyle in which the entire family feels safe. You want your children growing up in an environment where they feel safe, you want it to be safe at school, you want your wife to always feel safe,

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whether you are at home or whether you are at work, and you have to do whatever it takes to ensure the safety. Right so the role of the protector is a very important part of the role of the Muslim man. And this is why in an Islamic state, the role of jihad or going out to fight in the part of Allah also falls on men not on woman. Why? Because it falls into this category of being a protector, that to protect the Muslim state men are required to fight and to give their lives. So this is an extension of the role as a protector that men are required to be Mujahideen. But women are not whenever the situation calls for it.

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Number two, the second part of part one is to be a provider.

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So what is a provider

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provider means

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that it is the man's duty to ensure that his wife and kids have whatever they need to live a comfortable life as per

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the death standard in society. Now, there are some men who out of miserliness. They try to minimize what being a provider means. So they say they just need to provide a roof, food and clothes. This is the minimum. This is like

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the minimum that if you drop below that you can be taken to court. But that's not what a real provider is. That's just the very bare minimum. An important point when it comes to the fic of marriage is that you cannot build a marriage only on fake rulings, right? Very often, what you will find in the books of fake regarding marriage, or just the bare minimum that a person needs to do to avoid going to court to avoid falling into a pressure is not telling you what you need to do to have a happy marriage a strong marriage, a marriage that that that's that is blessing. It's just how you the minimum. Many people mistake this for the only thing you have

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After they know how to have a strong marriage, you have to go above and beyond not to just fulfill the minimum. So when it comes to the role of provider, the way that men fulfill this role

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is through developing within themselves. This

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Islamic concept of garam of generosity. And this is why most of the classical works on Islamic masculinity or manliness, there is a strong focus on generosity. Right, that many of the early scholars, they consider generosity, the hallmark of masculinity, that for a man to be a real man, he must be generous, and that generosity starts at home. It starts with how he treats his family, and there are many Hadees to prove this. So for example, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, the best money is the money you spend on your family. The best money is the money you spend on your family. Meaning if you are earning money, and you just sitting in your bank account, while your

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family are living a miserable life, then there's no Baraka in that money. But if you are giving your family a good life to the best of what you can afford, then there will be Baraka in it. That is the best money that is what you spent on your family. Likewise, once there was a woman who came to the Prophet saw you Salam, she had received proposals from two men. And she asked she asked the prophets, Allah, Allah will use him for advice, and he told her don't value the first one because he hits his wives don't value the second one, because he's a miser. Notice how he's focusing on these two things

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are protected does not hit his wives. Right, so a man who hits his wife is failing as a protector. Therefore, the Prophet sallallahu Sallam told her not to marry a man who beats his wives, right? Likewise, a man who is miserly will fail at being a provider. Therefore he told her not to marry now the the miserly man, either. So a man should provide for his family, it should be within what he can earn, so he shouldn't go into debt to provide for his family. And this is necessity. And it shouldn't be according to the lifestyle they are accustomed to. So if you marry a woman from an upper middle class family, that is what she's going to expect you to provide for. If you marry a

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woman from a wealthy family. That is what she's going to expect you to provide for. Now, at the same time, women also need to be understanding, you also need to understand that life goes through ups and downs, and they may be point in your life or your husband's not earning well. And that's a test from Allah, you need to be patient, but in general, he should strive to maintain the quality of life that she is accustomed to not just aim for the bare minimum. To fulfill his role as provider. He said, number one, a man needs Karim, he needs generosity. The other important skill or characteristic that a man needs to fulfill his role as provider is a strong work ethic and a vision

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for his life, that a man should be focused on finding ways to make more money to earn better to provide a better quality life for his family to ensure his money is HELOC to ensure his family's going in the right direction to ensure that they're staying out of debt, that everyone is happy, everyone is fulfilled, that his family have money after he passes away, that his family never destitute. This should be a primary concern for a man that you as the provider, you should be concerned about. Am I doing enough for my family? Am I earning enough? Have I left him enough? So if I pass away, suddenly, they'll be fine?

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Am I growing in wealth to do that? You know, as I grow, I'll be able to take care of new expenses. For example, if you have a one or two small babies in your house, your expenses aren't that much. Once your kids grow up and they go to school, the expenses are more when they go to university, it's even more are you planning for that? Are you building up for that? Are you working towards that, you have to think ahead, you have to plan ahead, you are the provider it is your role and your job to provide for the family. Therefore, you need to be thinking ahead to ensure that you do the best possible job of providing. So

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you can see that the role of a man in a Muslim family is not easy.

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And in fact, I will tell you that almost every Muslim man that I know of who is married, his primary concerns throughout the day, is making sure his family are safe, and that he's providing as much for them as possible. This becomes his everything to him. This becomes his life, caring about his family. Men work hard to provide for their families. Men purchase big homes to their families feel safe. Men do all of this for their families. And so you know, Allah Subhana Allah in the Quran, he's is he's explaining this when he says that they spend out of the route that men don't do this with a bad heart. Men do this lovingly. When a man is spoiling his wife and his children. This is his way

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of showing his

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Love, that he's working hard and providing a luxury lifestyle for them because he loves them. And many people lose sight of that, that they think that the man is overworking. And he's only worried about work. But they don't understand that this is how a man tries his best to fulfill his role as provider and protect it. So in an ideal Muslim family, a man should be earning enough to provide for his family. So his wife doesn't need to work. She doesn't need to worry about money. She doesn't need to think about money, because he got that rock down. He's got that sorted out. Now, obviously, early in life, that's harder. But if you follow

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the my advice they'll give later on financial management and personal development, and you work hard. By the age of 30, or 35, you should be able to provide a truly wonderful lifestyle for your family. But it all begins with working hard from the age of 20.

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The role of the provider, again extends to the community as well. And men are expected not just to provide for their families, but for society as a whole. So men are expected to donate, right not just as a car, but Celica, if they are wealthy to set up off, they are expected to be the ones who keep society running. And so we see again, the Sahaba excelling in this role, that when the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam, called on the Sahaba, to provide for the Muslim army, or Romulan, who gave half of his wealth. And in Abu Bakr gave all of his wealth, and then Osmond comes and he funds the rest of the army out of his own pocket, right. And so they are excelling at providing, you're

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not just thinking I need to provide for my wife and children. They're thinking I need to provide for the Muslim army I need to provide for the Muslim state. I need to make sure the prophets lawyer somebody's taking care of that there were times when the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was hungry, and the man will come and see that he's hungry, and he will go home and ask his wife to cook some food for the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, this is a genuine care they had for each other, providing for the communities. And what happens then is a Muslim men are protectors and providers. If a Muslim men in the community are all strong, leaders who provide who protect will

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take care of each other, then the society as a whole grows better, right is less likely to be people on the streets is less likely to be poverty is less likely to be neglected children, rather, the society as a whole tribes. But it all begins with men who understand the show. One of the problems we have in society today is that our young boys are not being taught this. Our young boys are not being taught this. They're just watching TV, and playing video games and falling into pornography and no one sits them down and tells them Islamically you are a man now your role in society is to provide and to protect and to lead to see what you need to do to fulfill that role. You need to work

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towards that. People don't tell them this. And so you have 25 or 30 year olds who still sit at home, playing video games all day, and they have no sense of any responsibility. And they wonder why nobody wants to marry them. Nobody wants to man you because you're not knowledgeable material. You want to be a marriageable man, be a provider, be a protector, be a leader, even if you're already married, or the woman will still want to marry you, because such men are so rare in this day and age.

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Moving on to the final of the three main roles of the man

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and that is the role of the leader. A man is the head of the household. This is something that is very clear in the Quran. And in the Hadees. The word Kawan means leader. And the fact that the next part of the verse says that wives have to obey their husbands again indicates that he is the leader. And there are many Hadees to support the so the Hadees

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with the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam praise the woman who obeyed the husband's right and mentioned under the things that need to Janna, or being a husband being one of those things that lead to gender, and

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the Hadith that every one of you is a shepherd. And each and every one of you is responsible for your flock. So the man is the shepherd over his family. And the woman is the shepherd over the children and household staff in the mountains away. This indicates levels of authority that the man is the head of the household. When he's at work, the wife is the head of the household. Right? And so there are these levels of authority in the Muslim family. So what does it mean as a man to be the head of the household? You are responsible? We already said you are responsible for protecting your family, for providing for your family, but you also responsible for leading your family towards the

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best of both worlds. So you're responsible for ensuring that your family obey Allah. So a man can enforce on his wife and daughters to wear hijab. He can force his sons to play salah. Right he can enforce the laws of Allah in his family. Now obviously, men need to use wisdom. They need to use a

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in Hitman, they need to focus on being realistic in moving the family closer to Allah, you should not be so harsh that you end up pushing them away from Allah or turning them into hypocrites. But you need to lead them. Right? It's not a matter of forcing them for the matter of leading them, that you want your family to be obedient to Allah. So you're going to raise your children in a way where they will be obedient to Allah, you're going to marry a righteous woman who's going to raise children who are obedient to Allah, and you're going to make sure that your family is moving in the right direction. So if you see a family member getting lazy, with Fudger, you're going to sit them

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down and talk to them and make a plan for them to start playing budget on time. If you see a man a family member was getting lacks about the job, you're gonna sit her down, speak to her and as advisor to start observing a job properly, your job is to lead lead in both deen and duniya. So leading in dunya means that you ensure your children are getting a good education, you ensure that your sons grow up being able to provide for their families and to lead their families, you ensure that your family have a happy lifestyle within your budget, right? That you are leading them in dunya, towards having a happy, productive, fulfilling life. But more importantly than that, you are

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leading them towards gender, that you ensure your family are living a life that is pleasing to Allah subhanho wa taala. And in order for this system to work, a man nobody can lead if people don't obey, right, that's just the way of the world. You cannot have a leader if there's no obedience. So if somebody claims to be a boss, at a company, but nobody in the company listens to that person, he's not the boss.

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Likewise, if a man is that claim to be the head of the household, but his wives and children don't listen to him, is he really the head of the household. So for the system to work, the wives and children need to obey the husband. Right? So if the man tells his wife, I don't want you know, to unnecessarily mix with these people, because they are bad company, she should listen to him. If he tells his wife that I want our children to be homeschooled, you know, and she has the capabilities to do so she should listen to him. If he tells his wife, I want you to observe her job in this manner, in a way that is pleasing to Allah, she should listen to him. And in general unless he asked

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you to do something haram or beyond your capabilities, or unreasonable, you should obey the husband. Now I know this is something that a lot of people don't like to hear. But in the next video when we talk about the rights of the husband, I will explain in more details. Why there is so much emphasis on obedience when it comes to this concept in the Quran, especially the books of Hadees. But in general understand that Islam in household we have a leader, the leader is the husband, right? He works he provides he protects he sets the vision and goals to the family. He leads them towards his vision and goal. He makes sure that families living allegedly please Allah subhanho wa Taala in

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return in return, he wants a family that is run properly. A family running smoothly woman who a woman who is agreeable and obedient and not someone who's going to fight with him and argue with him and make his life miserable every time he comes home. He wants to come home to a place that is a place of peace