Channel: Isam Rajab
snarf manggahan hungry la salatu salam ala rasulillah Allah, Allah subhanho wa Taala mercato. Welcome to the class, we're continuing to talk about the book of marriage. And we have reached an interesting topic, which is the option in marriage, or the choice to terminate the marriage.
For the husband, he has the choice
to divorce the wife, without paying the mark.
That's what we mean by the option.
Because the husband always have the option to divorce his wife.
But he has,
he is liable for any consequences, any charges anything. While in these cases, he is not liable for anything. And that's why we call it a choice.
It is for the husband in one of four conditions.
If he finds the husband,
if the husband finds the wife,
one of those things, then he has the choice to divorce her without paying them.
The first thing is insanity.
you married a woman.
she gave you a full
whole list of many things that she is
studying so and so she's working for this company or whatever. And you thought that everything is okay. Then after two days, three days, five days of marriage,
you happen to find that she is insane.
she has problem. She's mentally sick. So what do you do?
Of course, you will always have the option to keep her
she want to be patient, but
you have the choice to divorce her and you're not liable for them.
This is one or the first case
What do you mean by leprosy? And does it pertain to leprosy only or it is also other things. We have a hadith
and there is an incident during the time of the messenger sallallahu alayhi wasallam where he married a woman
and they did not tell him when he saw her body, she had big spark wide spark of leprosy.
So he told her go and
follow your family. And that's an expression of divorce. And he told her family that you concealed on you did that lease
scholars derive that if the family
there was cheating,
you have the option again
to divorce and you are not liable.
This is the second case.
The third and the fourth case case they are very similar
the inability to perform
the sexual intercourse because this is
the purpose of marriage or one of the main things why the husband marries the wife. Now marriage is
a lifetime relationship. It includes many things one of them is the sexual relation.
So if you are unable
to do this thing, because of the wife, then you have the option to divorce without being liable
Why we mentioned them both because there are two cases scholars mentioned and actually here's the thing. It is not only limited to these things
Nowadays, let's say a woman did not have leprosy but she had something more horrible than operasi.
Wouldn't it be a reason to divorce her without being liable for for the more you should they mention about the intercourse if the private part of the woman was blocked for any reason,
whether for because of a bone or a flesh?
These are reasons
that you can
divorce the wife without being liable for the math.
What about the wife's side? Does she have the option or this option is only for the husband?
What do you think?
She does? Yes, the wife too.
She has the choice.
And they are the same four things.
What are they insanity? If she was married, and the husband was insane.
Now, for the husband, it is easy. He would say you're divorced and that's it. But for the wife, what does she do?
She returns the dowry. Is that the option?
That's not here. She deserves the MAR because she did not do any thing wrong from her part.
Wrong was done from the husband. He deceived her.
What do you think?
Keep the money. Of course, she deserves the mother. She She deserves the mother.
If the husband accepted that, give her all her rights and divorces her that's fine. If not she goes to the judge.
And hear the judge commands the husband to pay to pay her
because she did not do anything wrong from her side.
Not if the marriage was not consummated. We already spoke that she takes half the mark.
She doesn't take everything.
Number two, again leprosy or any anything that is
considered a defect and the husband
deception, but deception scholars default here any kind of deception or deception that affects the marriage life? Let's say she deceived you. She said, I am 29 but you found out that she's 32.
So, there are there are like we don't want to go to the to these details will come to them later on.
Number three and four again the same thing, if the husband What if he did not have private part this could happen It is rare, but it could happen or he is unable
to perform the sexual relation with the wife but only for that reason. If everything
was fine, because how do you know if you are able or not before marriage? You may not know.
But once you are married and you find out that you are unable then the judge here in this case because he has to look at this case. If he finds out that
there is something wrong with the husband, apparently there is nothing wrong but he's unable. He doesn't approve the divorce right away. He gives one year maybe this happened because of depression. Maybe there is psychological reason. So he's given one year. Why they say within one year because maybe some people it is too hot and they are unable for because of the weather or it is too cold or so on. They mentioned these reasons so they don't issue the divorce right away. But in the other case for the wife
there is no reason to wait
Now, this is about the choice in marriage.
And we will move to another topic.
you agreed on everything, and everything. Everything was fine.
What's the second step?
You finish the engagement.
And you prepared for the Nika and you did then.
What comes next?
Before you start your marriage, marriage life
alima What's the ruling of the wedding?
What's the walima
feast? marriage feast
was the hub. Why?
Because he said
after this we upon him
the Dalai Lama.
After getting mad, wasn't it a must?
Because some scholars say it is a must.
You remember the conditions of match? What did we say? The correct marriage has how many conditions?
Four? Is the worry now one of them.
It is not.
So it is not the mask. It is what
we recommend. Again, what is walima?
what type of fist? chicken meat?
lamb it has to be lamb.
Know why some people think there's nobody any there is no merge.
Yeah, what if you are vegetarian?
Or they think?
Yeah, it is. It is a feast of match celebrating the marriage. That's the volume, inviting people to celebrate the marriage. That's what
any type of food? What if there were only
That is accepted.
It doesn't have to be like specific type of food. Anything that is really.
So it is recommended.
Why? Because the prophet SAW Selim did it. He asked me to do it when he was married.
If you are invited
to our Lima
Do you go you don't go?
What you don't like to go?
Answering the invitation is a must. Unless there is a reason.
If you know that you will go there. And there is disobedience to Allah subhanaw taala then you don't go. Or you know that those people invited only the high class people. They discriminated. And you don't want to go You have the option? Or they invite you to our Lima and it is in Los Angeles. And you need to afford the ticket to go there. Is it a must on you purchase the ticket and go No.
But in general, if there is no reason you have to go.
Answering the walima is a must. Now you started your marriage life.
So there is another thing, which is the rights of the husband and the wife.
And that's why itself very big topic.
Because there are many things.
What are the rights of the husband? And what are the rights of the wife?
There are researches and books about this. But if you wanted to summarize and that's why I asked you remember, if you wanted to mention the terms and the marriage contract, what do you mention?
So now they live together.
The problem here many times the marriage life starts and they don't they are not clear exactly what what should they do. what's right. What is is right. Everyone wants to do
the things that he likes.
And he tend to neglect. Because the problem before that, yeah, I love you and we will do everything. And then once the marriage life starts, here comes the reality now.
So many things change. So what do you do in this case,
there are rights of the husband, and the rights of the wife and the last one called a brief that you don't wanna miss Lola de la hindenberg model.
And they have rights as they have obligations.
with that, which is coming by the custom customer things of people, because what is custom here or what is known here as the right of the husband may not be known as right of the husband in another place. Things change, so you can accommodate that according to Islam.
But will you rigidly Allah Hinata Raja men have
level? What are the rights of the husband or the wife?
Could you tell me like three things? Yes.
Not leaving the house without his permission. that's included in obedience, what else?
guarding his finances?
Yes, Professor mentioned that
not to let anyone in the house without his permission or without he knows.
Fine. These are few rights of the husband and the wife. What about the rights of the wife?
What are her rights? Yes.
And that's very subjective. Because every husband would say I am crying.
No husband would come and say, Oh, I am rude to my one
are rights of the wife or the husband. So there are mutual rights and obligations on both sides.
There will be problems. In every marriage, there will be problems, even the marriage of the messengers hasulam there were some problems. So the question is how you can overcome these problems.
Patience. You use patience, but it did not work.
You have been patient for
one year, two years.
yet she's still doing the same thing.
now resolved. Nothing changed.
You refuse to lie in bed?
they call them SWAT.
scholars hear mentioned after they mentioned the life
during the marriage, if there is something wrong.
They mentioned the topic of the rebellious life
or what we call issues, issues disobedience.
The disobedient wife, what do you do with her as a husband?
What does the law say? And if
so, to my dad isn't sort of nice.
You can hit her.
Do you think? Can you hit your wife?
Huge one are smaller.
So it seems like you will all go to jail.
It's your life. What do you think? That's really I mean, we don't have time to discuss everything, but it's very important.
Some Muslims, I don't know for a reason or another, they are ashamed. They try to change the meaning of the ayah or they try to be apologetic or
what do you do? Now there is a situation you have a problem, you want to solve it, what do you do? You start with admonishment advice, that evohome that's what Allah Subhana Allah said in the Quran.
I won't advise them. You advise her? You remind her? I want this is my right, please do it. She refused. Next time reminded that she refused. There is no resolve, you move to the second thing.
You sleep on the couch.
She was very happy. Thank you. That's what I was waiting for a long time ago.
Then, if that did not work, then what do you do?
You hit you hit her.
You, you puncture, you prepare yourself and you start beating?
So here's the question, does Islam allow the husband to hit his wife?
Yes or no?
You say yes, you're wrong. You say No, you're wrong. Also?
You have to be careful how you state your answer. Yes, yes.
Yes, with some conditions, because here's the problem. Now, when people read the ayah, they come only to this thing to this word, one variable one hit them, or Islam allows me to hit my one.
But did you use first the two steps if you did not use them, then you are not allowed? so that it does not allow you? If you use those two steps, and they did not work? Yes. You can do this thing. What reboot. But again, what type of hitting?
What if the husband hit his wife? And he broke her arm?
What if he did it? What do we do? Is it permissible?
is liable. And if she goes to the judge, this husband will be punished islamically Islam allowed for you to hit your wife, but not to destroy her.
Because again, the points here behind hitting this one.
Sometimes if you only touch the wife, if it's out of love,
the same action.
If it's out of love, your love, your wife would love you and would love like that. But if it's
out of hatred, or you don't want this to happen, or you are angry, and you did that,
she may stop doing it.
Now people say what's the use? If you talk to her? And she did not listen? And if you deserted her if she did not listen, then what's the use of miswak? That's that's there is no use No, there is use
and if if defects a lot
but maybe, maybe
it did not work. What do you do next?
You try to hit her and nothing work. What do you do?
Then there is another result.
There is divorce before before divorce, there is arbitration counseling. The problem here many times people jump and skip over those steps.
You listen to a complaint from husband coming to you and telling you my wife is doing this and and the first question is, did you talk to her? No, they know you're coming. Go and talk to her. Oh, nothing will change. How do you know?
You do your job? Did you do your part? You talk to her? That's what Alessandra said in the Quran. So counseling is wrong if it was done the first thing. And actually sometimes, like if I hear that my wife is complaining about me to someone else, I would be very offended. If she did not tell me because maybe I don't know that this thing.
She doesn't like it.
Unfortunately, some people they don't keep any secret of their house and everybody knows everything about their life. Any small problem happens, they go and they complain, or they talk to others and that's not correct. First you advice. you communicate, you talk.
How do I know that this is wrong? How do I know that you don't like it? Then if this did not work, then there's the other thing. I tried to talk to you. Nothing works. So I won't sleep with
If nothing happens, then you can use it. Now, here's the thing, when we say Islam allows the husband to hit is one
allow does not mean you have to being able to do something does not mean you have to do it.
Is the pilot, the captain of the plane able
to terminate the flight before they reach their destination and to stop in another place? Is he able or not? He is able like he's able
for his and control for security reasons for something.
Is he able to take you out of the plane?
He is. But does that happen? It doesn't happen for no reason. So being able to do something does not mean you have to do it.
Again, this is in the Quran, walk ribuan
Do not be apologetic. Yes, Islam allowed us.
But here's the thing that comes after two steps. And it's not any type of hitting, not to bruise not to injure.
And actually, the prophet SAW Selim said, Well, I agree with the best of you do not hit.
The prophet SAW Selim himself, he never hit any human being, let alone his wives. He never do that.
So be sure that if
if the Manage life he reached that stage, then
it's very, very difficult to recover. But it is a solution. Because once Islam tells you that you can do it, you can, it doesn't tell you you have to do it.
That will make things much, much better. Statistically. Numbers talk.
numbers don't apply.
What is violence more?
In the Muslim countries are here.
Here, how do you know?
How do you know?
I have, I have
31% of the Western woman 31%. That's one out of three woman. She was abused
physically or sexually, by her boyfriend by her husband or 31%.
That's close to one for three woman.
That's the ratio here in the country that forbids hitting.
They say it's inhuman. That's fine. What's the human?
Do you see? I from time to time I happen to watch court TV. Most of the crimes between husband and wife most of the times you're not allowed to hit her but you are killing him.
Now there is a problem.
So you tell me, I cannot hit her. What should I do? divorce her.
You need to think why Islam allow this. There is something else at stake, which is more serious. The marriage life. Instead of destroying the wedlock instead of destroying the family instead of wasting the children that you have? Yes, you use this right? But you use it wisely.
What if it's the other way around?
The husband is rebellious. How can the husband be rebellious?
Who has the right
to be obeyed? The husband or the wife?
The husband? If the wife says something to the husband? Does he have to do it?
No. He's should, but for peace of mind, right?
He doesn't want his life to be.
Yeah. Be patient.
So what if?
If this wife married the husband, but
she found out that it's not the best for her? She cannot stay with him. She's not obeying a las panatela as he used to. She's not happy with her life. There are things that are going on. What should she do?
Who has the right to divorce the husband or the wife? What about the wife? She's locked in that marriage.
She can do hold. That's an option for her how she can do hold
Return the dollar. What if she doesn't want?
Or what if the husband is not pleased?
Yes, the Muslim judge or the ruler, he can do the whole on behalf of
like, instead of the husband, but not any case. I mean, this is very important because
people think that hola is just like divorce.
Any woman does not like her husband. She goes and she performs Hola. Hola is not like divorce, and the judge will not say, Oh, yeah, you don't want him? You are divorced. They have to look through the case. Does she really have sound reason? Because the prophet SAW Selim said that any woman that asks for divorce, without a valid reason, she will not smell the fragrance of paradise. So it is a serious matter.
One woman came to the messenger assassin.
she told the prophet SAW Selim that her husband, Sabbath, she doesn't have problem with him,
is righteous and anything, but she herself she cannot live with him. She is doing things or she cannot do things that she used to do. So what is the puffs? Assalam? Tell her? Do you return?
What he gave you? The garden that he gave you a turd in La Jolla kata? And she said, Yes. So the prophet SAW Selim
initiated the divorce, which is the Hello. So what's the definition? If you wanted to say what's the definition of
what's the whole
the option of the divorce given to a woman
if we say divorce divorce from the husband side, but when we say it is option and it is from the woman's side, then it is full, but it is incomplete. What kind of this option?
Are they think try try to
find a suitable definition for
what it's called.
It's very easy.
For a katana maloom.
In Arabic, we say it's separation,
on an agreed payment from the wife's side.
Because she may return the entire mouth. He may tell her I don't want anything.
Or I want part of it.
Or he may say I want more. Can he asked for he paid 1000? And he says I want 3000? I won't let you
Well, there are there is difference of opinion.
But he should not take more than what he paid.
But unfortunately, sometimes the wife says take everything. I just don't want you. This could happen. But is it permissible or not? We'll discuss it inshallah next year.
Hear it is important. And that's the point of
the entire class about marriage. After we discuss the essential things. What are the differences between husband and wife and why do we have differences?
Why like when you say divorce is only the right of the husband. That's one of the differences. Can they wife say I divorce you to the husband?
No, she can say of course you can say with the mouth. What does this have have any effect? No. Why? Why is only the husband?
Well, the answer is you look at the stability of the family. Any person can initiate the divorce and imagine if you are in plane and anybody can open the door and jump.
Imagine if everybody is rolling everybody
has to be head of the house.
That's one of the differences why
The analyzing that I'm looking for from you to do, because that's, that's the type of the question that I'm asking the exam.
Look through or compare the differences between the husband and wife?
Does the wife pay? Or the husband has to pay? Who has to provide? Why? What are the consequences?
Why the husband does not have to obey his wife, but the wife has to obey her husband?
What's the right of the husband? What's the right of the wife? All these are important things that you need to look.
I asked you to give me five differences between the husband and the wife in terms of marriage?
Who has to cook in the house, the husband or the wife?
What do you think? While you're laughing?
Does the wife have to cook?
If she doesn't cook, then what is she doing? Actually, there are details. And again, we are just taking the principles. scholars say special and the Shafi school of thought if she's not used to cook
in her family's house, then she doesn't have to cook. If she's used to be served.
The husband has to find a servant for her. That's how she's used to live.
in terms, but in terms of provision, in terms of provision,
it is the husband's side, what he's able to provide. That's what he's asked for. But in terms of service.
It is, according to the wife, what she is used to do.
That's what she used to do. That's what she has to do and the husband's house.
And again, these things, if you don't know them, there may be problems. Imagine you're driving a car, and you don't know how to drive it.
You may make an accident, you may do many things, and then eventually you may be able to drive it. But imagine if from the beginning, they gave you courses and they taught you. And that's how the law, they give you seminars for many things. But marriage, this is a lifetime relationship.
And you may not know many things about it.
That's why we have many problems.
I'll stop here. If you have any questions
from the wife site on an agreed payment.
No, maybe maybe the husband still is not pleased with it. But the judge is the one who initiates it.
he doesn't have to pronounce it.
And other questions. They have questions about hitting the life. What's the best?
What do you mean?
If the wife has a valid reason, like this husband is not treating her well. But she cannot prove it.
Like, or to other people. Maybe that's that's not a bad thing, but to her or she's unable to do things that she's used to do that are better for her. worshipping Allah subhanaw taala reading Quran more.
Or she she
she cannot stand living with.
There is something maybe she cannot express it but she's on him.
He can afford
Actually provision if the husband is unable to provide for the wife. This is one of the options that she can
Yeah, the time sharing these are the rights of so he is abusing his rights or he is not doing right of
Usually even even even if you are in charge, you have to listen from both sides. It's very dangerous and demand, because you hear the one who comes to you. And he tells you all all sorts of things. And you think that all the other side is horrible. Math, you have to listen to the other side because you hear many more other things. Yes.
I'm afraid this will.
This will complicate the relationship.
No, the serving of the wife. She doesn't have to do things she's not doing in her family's house. Like, if in her family, they used to cook for her.
And that's the customer and her family. that whoever married, there is a cook, provided. So she doesn't have to cook.
she's served, she has a servant in her family.
Her family provided servant, she deserves servant when she
In terms of rights,
in terms of service, the judge or anyone who looks oversees the marriage, life, it looks to the wife side in terms of provision, like if the wife said, In My Father's house, he used to give me $1,000. That's my
my pocket money. Now my husband is giving me only 500. I want 1000.
So he looks at the husband's capability, not
the wife's family. In terms of provision, it is according to the husband's ability in terms of service, according to the wife's family, the wife and what she's used to.
If the customer is American, it doesn't matter. Again, you have to go through these rules. That's what I mentioned.
Unless there is something on Islamic when we don't say Oh, the wife is used to do this. She's used to wake up every day at 9am. Not before that. So she misses the prayer. And we say the husband cannot wake her up.
Of course, I mean, of course if the wife says I will do this, I will do that. There are things implied you don't have to mention them.
Now the wife may say I used not to cook at my house, but it is known that whoever is married, they have to cook so she has to cook she cannot say
I used not to cook
No. The formatted she doesn't need to. What do you mean?
That's rare to happen. How could it happen?
Because it means she doesn't want him anymore?
Yeah, she just wanted Yeah, she just returns and
that's it because
marriage after it
If the merger was not consummated, it's still considered marriage, but it's much easier than if it was consummated.
Wife and how you're going to ask it on the exam? So say you say, Tell me the differences between husband and wife. And we say that the husband is able to leave the house without permission as the wife needs to stay in a house with permission, or the husband provides for the family while the wife stays home and takes care of the children in his house.
Yeah, that's the difference. That's a valid difference. Does the husband have to tell his wife every time please allow for me I'm going, why? Because it is known that the nature of the marriage life that the husband works, so he has to go. But courtesy he should tell his wife for his gun. He doesn't have to tell her after sort of not report to his wife every time he came where he was, but the wife if she wanted to go, she needs the permission of the husband. that's valid difference.
And by the way, I don't like this type of questions. If you're concerned only about the exam.
Knowledge should be your main goal, not the exam. But I understand I mean for the exam.
Okay, then inshallah, we will stop here. Santa Monica.