Violence in the Home
Channel: Ibrahim Hindy
File Size: 26.32MB
All praise is due to Allah alone. And when we seek aid and assistance into him we turn both in repentance and for forgiveness. Truly him Allah subhanaw taala guides not can mislead, and even Allah leaves to go astray There is none who can guide and I bear witness that there is nothing worthy of worship, save Allah alone. And then Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is both his servant and His messenger.
I want you to imagine
the most expensive possession that you possess, the most cherished gift that you have with you.
How would you treat this gifts? How would you protect it?
How would you want to preserve this gift that is of tremendous benefit to you?
All of us, whatever it is, we are thinking and conjuring in our minds. That thing would be something that we would want to protect and to preserve. We would never want to harm or damage a prized gift that we have.
Our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam tells us Mustafa min the other Taqwa Allah.
Hi, you're on level Minnesota saw the HA.
He said no believer has benefited greater from anything. After the Taqwa of Allah subhanaw taala.
More than having a righteous wife. Meaning after the Taqwa of Allah azza wa jal, there is nothing of greater benefit to the believer than a righteous wife.
And so therefore, how foolish is it? When a man harms or destroys or abuses this gift that Allah subhanaw taala blessed him with?
Our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
in his Farewell Sermon,
He said for temple life in this fear Allah in relation to your women
Clausewitzian medalla is maybe five paragraphs long.
The prophet does not address everything in our religion, but of the things he addresses first Sokoloff in Nissa fear Allah in relation to your women.
When they come in number two Munna, Vienna and Atilla was the halal term for Raja Hoonah became Attila is a fur indeed you've only taken them by the entrustment of Allah azza wa jal.
Your wife is an entrustment that Allah subhanaw taala gave you and they only became highlighted to you Allah only made this relationship Halal because of an oath you took with Allah subhanaw taala.
Today, as you can tell,
the topic of today's clickbait is to speak about domestic violence.
To speak about abuse that happens inside of the home, violence that happens inside of our homes.
One out of five women experienced abuse in their relationships.
Every six days, less than a week, a woman in Canada is killed
by her partner, either her husband or her boyfriend.
Every year more than 360,000 children witness violence in their home.
These are staggering numbers. And it's impossible for Muslims to avoid this topic. We think sometimes we're immune to this. But that's not the case. These incidents happen in our community.
Over the years I've been here, many women have reached out to me
about being physically attacked by their husbands
of being kicked out of their homes and homeless because of their husband or their son in law
or someone like that.
Unfortunately, the other day,
we heard of a terrible crime that happens
here in the Greater Toronto Area
that a man stopped his wife to death while their children were in the home.
And he was from our community.
And I don't know him personally but
he's the kind of person you might have met at the masjid somewhere.
He's the kind
First of all, you might have seen that in Islamic events.
And it's important for us to reflect on this because we're not immune to domestic violence.
And one of the worst issues we have is when people are guilty of violence against their families. And then they try to justify it using a verse here, or a hadith, they're
acting like they have permission from Allah subhanaw taala, to be violence and to be a tyrant inside of their home.
And we don't have time in the hotspot to take every verse that they might mention and
break it down.
But the reality is that nobody who sincerely reads the Quran and Sunnah
can infer from it, that it is telling you to physically or emotionally abused your family.
I know myth hab and no scholar would agree with this. Rather what happens is that men commit these acts of abuse. And when people say to them, how could you do this? He says, Well, doesn't this mercy this doesn't this hadith say that?
How can someone take a portion of a hadith or a portion of a verse and ignore everything else in the Quran and Sunnah to derive whatever meaning they want.
We know the prophets of Allah were already he was sending What did i You should know the Allahu I didn't say about our Prophet, kinda who know who will Quran his character was out of the Quran.
He is a talking walking Quran some Allahu Allah USA now. We understand the Quran through Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. What what did they say about the Prophet? Mal dorama rasool Allah He sallallahu alayhi wa sallam che and not Via de wala imra attend well.
This is the prophet never hit anyone with his hand ever, not a woman and not a servant.
We know the Hadith when women came to the house of our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam complaining about the treatment of their husbands how their husbands were treating them.
And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam center called Thoth EBRD Mohammed Nisa Kafeel
is your second one as well as your home. The Prophet said they have made Koloff encircle the house of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam many women complaining about their husbands, Lisa, can be theatrical, these men are not the best amongst you, that they are harming their wives to this extent they're complaining to the Prophet sallallahu it was him. And it was not taboo for the prophets of Allah to send them to address this topic and speak about it. He didn't sweep it under the rug. He spoke about it so Allahu Allah even sent him and addressed it.
And how can we ignore the explicit instructions and example of our prophets of Allah where it was?
The Prophet SAW on one of the photography Allah one when he was speaking to our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
He's a good number Asha Quraysh Coleman Nelson EVO Nisa for Kadena illan Medina T for Virginia now Coleman toggleable Nissan,
he said we used to in Mecca dominate our women.
When we came to Medina, we found the women were dominating the men.
Islam pushed back against a lot of jargony perceptions of women.
Now, this doesn't mean that the woman is in charge of the home.
No, the man is still in charge. But the leader has to be a leader who is protecting, preserving, growing ating not being violence, dominating, controlling, harming. There's differences between these things. We all know a leader who is good. We've all seen a good leader in our lives. Maybe they lead a masjid, maybe they're your boss at work, maybe you've seen them lead something. What kind of leader were they? Were they controlling people breaking them down mentally? Beating them physically? Are they helping people strengthening them, supporting them, growing them, helping them become more capable, not less capable?
And so our motto the Allah Wan says in that can we used to dominate the women? When we came to Medina, the city the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam founded suddenly the women had more of a voice. It didn't mean the men were not in charge.
But it meant that they became true leaders not tyrants inside of their home.
Because it's not
Haman said, this woman is not a thing.
She's not a possession. She is not as some of the Aurobindo he used to do, they would inherit their woman.
If the husband died, the brother would inherit the wife as though she's part of his wealth. In some tribes, they would do this.
No Islam said the woman
is like the man spiritually in the sight of Allah subhanaw taala. If you worship Allah, if you pray, Sadat and she prays sloth out, you're getting the same reward. Assuming you pray the same, to the same level of accent.
Allah subhanaw taala says will me know when I will want me in that bar of doing that. The believing men in the believing women, they are allies of one another. They are supporters of each other. Yeah, more on Wi Fi. And when I didn't even cut, they instruct each other to do good. They forbid each other from doing evil. Well, you'll see Moon Aslan, I'll tell you in a sec. What you'll do your own Allah Allah rasool and they establish their son and they give their as they can, and they obey Allah and His Messenger will say or Hama, whom Allah these are the people whom Allah shows mercy to in in Allah as he's an Hakeem, indeed, Allah is Exalted in mites and wise. And Allah says in the Quran as
he instructs every husband, why she will
live with them in my roof. My roof,
you know, is related to our oath is what is known,
what is known to be good. If you don't say, the husband is required to treat his wife with kindness related to that culture of his people. This shed he acknowledges that culture can be different from place to place and time to time. And so Allah is instructing the men to exhibit chivalry and kindness in relation to the customer and the culture of their community.
And knowing the times that we live in and in light of the example of our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, it's clear that this *ty eye does not justify abuse and rent, rampant abuse that exists in many homes.
It doesn't matter what interpretation of fifth, you have, what madhhab you follow a scholar you refer to, you will never find any justification of a man to beat his wife
to present any harm on his wife like this, as happens very often today.
And our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was bewildered by this idea.
Called a huddle.
How can anyone beat his wife like he beats the stallion
he's amazed by this, what kind of person would do this? For me, you are on your
family. And then after that he wants to have intimacy with her. Even the animal, if you beat them so much, they want to turn away from you.
The prophets of Allah isn't me saying you will not beat your animal like this. And these people want to beat their wives like this.
How many of these people realized that these women are the mother of their own children?
That they're the daughters of another man?
Don't we know the legal Maxim, that hadith of our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam came out to do to that, as you act you will be treated.
If not in this world, then in the next world, what you do will come back to you.
And the act of beating one's wife, it sends a message to everyone in your house.
You're teaching your son either to lose respect in you
or to do the same as you
and you're teaching your daughter
that it's okay for her husband to beat her.
Who wants to send that kind of message to their children. It becomes an intergenerational sin, your actions after you die, you might be accumulating sins for it in the future.
So the Prophet is amazed how can a man do this hit his wife like this?
And our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said In another Hadith, Allah we're in a shall religion. Men can sit here and have them both he will find.
He said Indeed the worst of men are the ones who are fast to anger and they are slow to realisation.
Slow to understanding.
And this happens often to
the person says, I didn't mean to do that. I just lost
Lost, I lost myself. I got so angry I lost myself.
We have to do more hassle but enough's, we have to take ourselves to account. Each of you knows yourself better than anyone else. So ask yourself, is anger a problem in my life? Am I somebody that when I get angry, I have no boundaries.
The Prophet said another Hadith one of the worst of the people when he gets angry, angered, soldier. He goes into every evil.
The hostile manager when he gets into a dispute, he's angry, he loses himself he loses all boundaries. If you are that person, you have to seek help.
You have to seek help.
What does it benefit you if you lose yourself and you become like this man who killed his wife?
Why not take ownership on improving yourself and ensuring you control your anger?
Like the Hadith when the man came to our prophets of Allah and he said, instead of giving me advice, he said, Don't get angry. He said, again, don't get angry, don't get angry three times. This leads people to disasters in their lives. He said, The worst of the men is the one who is quick to anger and low slow to realization.
And our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said as well, along the new heritage Arnica have to die fine. He said, Oh Allah.
This is difficult to translate. I am essentially issuing a warning in relation
to two types of vulnerable people. As Mara Walia, team, women, and orphans.
Domestic Abuse does happen to men sometimes.
And I've seen it as well.
I had one case in the past, a brother was in a wheelchair, his wife and his children used to beat him. So yes, domestic abuse can happen to men. But usually it happens to women.
And our Shediac confirms this. Usually women are vulnerable throughout history.
Not always, but it is the most common.
And our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam warns us against harming women in orphans, and exalting the right and he exalts the rights of Allahu Allah, he would send them
at the time of our Prophet Sall, Allahu Allah, you send them abusing wives was common.
So a man came to our Prophet sallallahu where it was send them and he said, he Arasu Allah, now Hakka, zoologia or messenger of Allah, what is the rights of the wife.
So he so Allah who are already you send them said, and Toto, him or her, either parents, that you feed her when you eat, she eats. When you eat, you have a similar lifestyle.
What's actually in the actor seat and you close her eyes, you have closed your clothe yourself.
Some husbands, they say I'm the provider, then they don't give anything to their wife, and the wife complaints. I can't take care of my children, I can't dress myself, I don't have any clothes, my clothes are all ripped. And my husband won't give me any money. And I've seen this in our community as well. The Prophet says she eats as you eat, and she's clothed as you are clothed.
What a total revenue watch, and do not hit her face Do not hit the face, realize the most common form of abuse in Arabia, at the time of our Prophet sallallahu. Earliest was the man would slap his wife on the face. So the Prophet specifically forbids this. And says Do not hit the face.
When I took up the
wall while I took
literally means don't curse her, but tough to be
comes from the concept of making ugly. And that is that which is ugly.
So don't do tuck be of her. Don't make don't belittle her and curse her and degrade her. And this is essentially the definition of emotional abuse.
And some people do this.
And this happens both from men and from women.
there is not necessarily physical abuse. They're not physically harming each other, but they are
verbally doing so.
So he constantly says you're ugly. I don't like seeing you. Why are you like this? He's constantly belittling her, constantly making her feel ugly. Cursing her calling her names, but the opposite is true as well. I've seen this in our commute
as well, women doing that to the men
you're so this You're so low, you're so stupid, you're not capable. Why are other men better than you?
This is against our religion.
So the prophet says what so called bear, don't curse her walls,
filled bait, and don't abandon her except in your house. Meaning if you're gonna leave her,
you know, you go sleep on the couch.
You do that?
You don't kick her out.
Too many men will do this. They'll kick their wives out of the house. How are you the protector? How Are You the man and you're going to make the woman homeless, you leave the house, you find a place to crash. If if it's gotten to that point where you have to go away from her you have to leave for for a bit. You will be the one to leave. You're the man.
You know, part of this whole thing? We gave a chutzpah not too long ago, we talked about masculinity.
We said men don't know how to be men anymore.
And women don't know how to be women anymore. It's the truth. And that fact comes into the homes where people don't know the rolls and everybody's falling apart and everybody's attacking each other and everybody's harming each other. People don't know what men don't know what it means to be a man.
I mean that honestly, and there's not enough time to talk about this topic. But just from one perspective, like if you want to be a man, you have to look for Rasulullah sallallahu.
I Isha says the Prophet never took revenge for his own sake. Only if
the rights of Allah subhanaw taala were transgressed. That's the only time he would be upset sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and then he would deal with the issue with Heckman. But if it was against his own self, he would let it go. Now we see the opposite. The man will buy his house with riba.
The man will backplate and gossip.
The man who will transgress the rights of Allah, here and there, but when something goes against his own ego,
his own feeling of being superior than he loses his mind. It's the complete opposite of our Prophet sallallahu.
And so our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said Ekmeleddin, mumineen Eman and axon colocar. The best of the Muslims in terms of their faith are the ones who are the best in their characteristics.
And then He is Allah Who will send them said,
of the way of the article, he says, the best of you are the best to their families or to their women.
How many times the people show a different face at home, a different face at work, a different face in the community, a different face with their friends, but who are you really is the person you are at home?
The person you really are is the person your wife knows who you are. She sees the real you.
Even your parents don't know who you are, your siblings don't really know who you are.
That person you're spending your life with, that she sees you more than anyone else. And she sees you behind closed doors. She knows you better than anyone else. So the Prophet says the best of you are the best to their women. Because that's we really are
the person we think you are in the masjid the person people and the public think you are that's not the real you.
So ask yourself who you really are.
And this is important for us to think about and to reflect upon. And like we said, our prophets of Allah azza wa jal What did he say? In the mouth to Hoonah be a manatee let fear Allah in relation to the women, you only took them by the amount of Allah, the interest of Allah and they only became highlights you became Atilla because of the word you took with Allah the oath you took with Allah. You think your marriage is between you and between your wife? No, it's between you and your wife and Allah subhanaw taala. What made it halal was the oath with Allah the kennemer You took with Allah subhanaw taala
and so on the day of judgments.
If we abused this relationship that Allah azza wa jal gifted us you will have to answer to Allah subhana wa Tada. We ask Allah azza wa jal to protect us and to preserve our homes and to make our homes places of happiness meaningful quality hydrocephalus.
Welcome to Los Altos Santa Ana rasool Allah who Allah Allah, he was a happy woman wala
Just quickly in sha Allah before we conclude
a few points of importance to the person who is abused or feels abused, know that Allah subhanaw taala itself are we and that people who the rights have been taken away,
they look weak in the dunya. But in reality they are strong because Allah subhanaw taala will be with them. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, it took hold that was in fear the dua of the one who was oppressed. Because on the Day of Judgment, you will see who is truly strong, who is truly in a situation of strength and who is truly in the situation of weakness. So know that Allah subhanaw taala is on kawaii and he is with you. Second not to blame yourself. There is no justification for a husband who punches his wife who treats her with such violence. There is no justification for that. Number three, if it's not safe, reach out for help. We have organizations in
our community of Muslims who are developed like Sakina homes or nice at homes. There are family and friends that you have that you can trust. And if your life is in danger, call nine one. Some Muslims will say no, don't involve the non Muslims. Listen, your life is more important than anything else. If your life is in danger, that's the most important thing. Protect your life. Finally, I want to say something If your marriage is not good, if it's not working, if you don't like your wife, if you don't like each other our religion did not make divorce haram
right other religions made it hard on our religion did not divorce is mcru If there is no reason for it, but if there's a reason, if you're not able to get along, Allah did not make it haram and divorce can be a good thing. If the option the alternative is an abusive house.
And this is why Allah subhanaw taala says we it's a federal clock, you're gonna need Allahu Kalam insanity, if they are to divorce to separate, Allah will enrich both of them from his abundance will can Allahu Sen Hakima and Allah is all encompassing and wise. And Allah subhanaw taala warns the husband who holds on to his wife just to harm her.
In this happens, someone feels like the man feels like he's so small everywhere else. The only way he can feel good about himself is abusing his wife and controlling her. Allah subhanaw taala says what attempts equal one another Irani. tangedco don't hold on to your wife, intending them harm and to transgress against them. When they if their liquor, vitamin officer and whoever has done so then they have only harmed themselves. Well, that's a toughy do it now he was the one and don't mark the verses of Allah the signs of Allah subhanaw taala if we ask Allah subhanaw taala to protect us from all these evil situations, we ask Allah azza wa jal to protect all of our community and to protect
our lives and to allow our homes to be homes of righteousness mean in the law.