Islamic Manners #07
Channel: Hussain Kamani
Series: Hussain Kamani - Islamic Manners
File Size: 40.96MB
Episode Transcript ©
Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate and at times crude. We are considering building a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system. No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever.
He woke up I will sit down with a buddy with your stuff
for was happy with that.
Today we continue from page 26 of shehab the father
dad has started matters.
as soon as
I came to the super boss
He said it is
used too much.
So here we see the author, he teaches us how to introduce ourselves when you go somewhere. So if you make a phone call to someone or if you're at someone's door, and you're asked Who is it
now the responsibility that you have is to identify yourself as that person would know you.
So for example, the worst case scenario would be that someone just says it's somebody or guess who it is. Anyone that's been in situations where someone said that to you, it's extremely annoying, because that person assumes that you may know them, even though in that moment, you may have forgotten them. And secondly, that person may also assume that you were down for a moment of humor and laughter while you might just be in the middle, a middle of a lot of stuff. So the best thing for you to do before you get involved with humor and laughter and joking and printing or anything else is introduce yourself and ask that person if they have time for you. If you have permission to
come in, if that person can accommodate, you have a few minutes and then from there, you can work your humor into the conversation, if that's necessary. Now, the purpose behind knocking on the door and seeking permission is so that the person on the other side can choose whether they are ready to receive you or not. And one of the things that they need is your identity, they need bodies, they need to know who's on the other side.
Sometimes people may know who by one name and you may go by another name. So when you do Introduce yourself you should go by the name that people recognize you as
someone may know you as for example
a mom so and so or principal so and so because you're the principal of their school or the Imam of their school. Now you may use another name that your parents gave you a birth but that's not the name they know you by. So when you introduce yourself, they may think oh, it's someone random that I don't know it's some Zubair but when they open the door, it's shift flannels.
Some great shifts and to open up the door and receive some random Zubair wasn't a big deal. But if the exam is over, they probably would have wanted to change their clothes or dress themselves in a different way. So that's why whenever you do Introduce yourself, you should go out of your way to identify yourself so that the person on the other side knows who it is. When I would call my teachers,
we would always introduce ourselves before anything we'd say, Hussein Come on in from America,
because he knew so many things. So when he would say your first and you would then say your last name, and then you would further identify from America because he had so many students from across the world by identifying further the one from America, he would know Okay, I know who's calling me in this moment. So, for example, should hear shahir say it from you say from Carrollton. Now that person knows okay. This person lives in Carrollton. His name is shahir saying now I know who is who's reaching out. So the last Allahu Allah He was sitting. He emphasized this.
Jabba the Allah Juan shares a narration here, after his father passed away in the battle. He came to me it was sort of lost at a level instead of and when he said a lot, he said, I'm asked who it was, he said
it to me. And to that also the loss of a lot of them said, Anna Anna, like he was almost unhappy with the way that he introduced himself. But what good does that do? How do I know who it is? If you just say me? Go ahead.
Now, the interesting thing about this narration, this is a part of a longer narration, a very long narration of the finding of your loved one and his interaction with me. So the longer it was sitting on this one special night that he had.
The reason why the author brings this narration is because I believe that his name was not a Buddha. But that's how he introduced himself because that's what people recognized him, but his actual name was Jindal, Dubner Janata Jindal, the son of Janata, but in that moment, when the pseudo la Salahuddin said I'm asked to it is rather than giving this technical name that's on a birth certificate, he introduces himself by the name that he would be recognized by and he says,
I would prefer it Yes.
So I came to see this.
I worked on
able to receive
care and the condition of his house is best.
It is possible that something may live or die.
He has the right to ask to be excused. That's that individual's right, they have the right not to accept you into their home, they have the right not to take your phone call because there could be a lot of things going on that you are absolutely unaware of. The best thing you can do is not make everything about yourself. Create an excuse for that person, be respectful of their privacy, had back home and visit another day.
Yes, go ahead.
this is a profound statement.
Not everyone can disclose their reasons. And this teaches us a great other in life a great lesson.
When you interact with people don't ask about private matters.
Do you guys understand that if someone's hospitalized, they say my mom is sick. My dad is sick. Last time Hello. You shouldn't ask what happened.
You should just give your advice. Now if that person wishes to share with you or if you know that person
would appreciate that level of conversation that if you were to ask them, what would make them happy, then go ahead and ask, but otherwise be mindful. Someone says my relative has cancer. What kind of cancer lung cancer? Oh, he was a smoker. Now you made that person expose themselves. Don't do that. Right? Let let people live their private lives, you must always learn to respect the privacy of people. Yes.
So this point that he mentions here, that when it came to visiting our pious predecessors used to say to their hosts, perhaps you are preoccupied and cannot attend this, this is a higher form of advocate, we're not only do you not demand that person to submit a reason for not receiving you. Rather, you go out of your way, and create an excuse on their behalf.
Someone you know, you are expecting to have lunch with someone and that person shows up and when it comes time to pay, you see them being reluctant and you just create an excuse on their back. It's okay, Bro, I know, trust me, I forget my wallet too. And just go ahead and make the payment. Rather than making that person feel shameful. Making that person look down making them feel, you know, that they, they were a letdown in that moment, you stand up for other people, this is such a pathetic thing to do. Because most people, what they'll do is that when they see someone is in a bad position, someone is about to be humiliated. If someone has done themselves wrong, we just wait, sit
back and watch them unravel. I want to see how this sense this is gonna be really good. But there are other people who will say, there's no need for you to lose, Your Honor. It's okay. And they'll stand up for their hustle for the one that is possibly even in opposition to them in that moment, and they will defend them. I saw this with the, in the example of the scholars, many of them, that would they would be in debate with someone and when they realized that they were in the process of destroying that individual, they would almost back out of the conversation themselves. To safeguard that person's dignity, that there's no longer a need for us to go any further, you thoroughly
understand that you've been destroyed and battered in this conversation. That's that let me withdraw from the composition to uphold your dignity. This is for the honor of another Muslim that you don't ever want to see their their honor, their dignity, there is the unraveling. you convey your point, you do it respectfully, and you walk away. Unfortunately, when I was younger, I had a lot of hot blood running through my veins. So I used to love debating and arguing.
And there was a
a pleasure that was experienced in those moments when you had just battered the pope out of someone in an argument.
And you had captured them in a box through logical equations that they could no longer escape from. You had tied them up in a straight suit. And in that moment, there was a pleasure that the knifes experience at all This feels great to be triumphant. But then you begin to understand. And you begin to realize that that all came at a cost, a cost of what First of all, a lot of pride and arrogance in yourself. But secondly, what about that person's honor and dignity? Is everything in the world about just being right and wrong? Or is there not respect for other human beings? Right? Sometimes I see this for people when it comes to interacting with their own parents, because they realize that
since I'm young and my brain is sharpened, my skills of logic are very sharp. Winning the debate against my parents shouldn't be too difficult. This is the mind of a young person. Someone they get into an argument with their parents, they'll provide to the real stupid arguments, theological reasonings. And then before you know it, the parent is just looking and they have nothing left to say. And in moments like that, sometimes the parents will actually say to their child, gentlemen who surely I'm very happy to see that I raised you for 20 years so you could shut your own parents, you must feel good of yourself.
You must be really good at yourself right now that I raised
for 20 years, just so you can communicate you like this one Father once said that to this child that I raised you for 25 years just so you can really notice. If you knew that I was wrong because you really have to go this far couldn't have ended this conversation earlier. Couldn't you have just bought out of the conversation, but there's a joy that the human being feels is unraveling someone else's honor and leaving them on the ground. But in my mother comes along and he teaches us something else and he's not here that perhaps you are occupied and you cannot do this. We don't even need to go there. I'll just back out of this. It's not like we're gonna have pizza anyway.
Yesterday's pizza that moment is gone. So now that that moment has passed, let's just end this conversation with dignity. And let's not end on bad blood. That's what Allah subhanaw taala that he says I included Akuma Giroux version who has done if you are told to return to just return that's the best thing for your spirituality don't invest it in prove any further. Yes.
There's one more thing here actually, that he says in this passage, he says, Many hosts become compelled and disturbed by the visit of someone whom they do not want to attend to under the circumstances, and may resort to lying. Because when you tell this person that I need you to give up your reason, why didn't you open the door, one of two things are going to happen either they're going to speak the truth or they're going to lie. If they're going to speak the truth, now you're making them expose something that they had chosen to keep a secret, which means most likely they're going to humiliate themselves in that moment, they're going to end up sharing something that they
didn't want to share, they feel comfortable sharing with you. You're not at that point in their life where they can open up these matters to you. Or secondly, they may lie
because they are keen on maintaining their dignity so now they're going to lie just to cover up so you did both. The best thing was for you to just back off and then he says you're the onic advocate provides a better alternative. And what's what's the Quranic etiquette here for you. When you are not granted permission, just go back and this conversation there Don't push it any further.
This is shameful.
permission to enter
assuming most of the
time this way as soon as possible.
In order to further away from before sending the act of seeking permission as
it is not a walk inside the house.
He does so
ends as he as he
once the agent enters the home, there remains
defies the sight of the interior of the house before
Initially, it was sort of this contraption. It was a stick with a Claudia you see these at Walmart now. This is long sticks that have a lot of cloth and he would use it to scratch the back of his head or use it to scratch the back of his
the back where he couldn't reach so he was scratching himself inside his home and someone is keeping through. Yes.
So in this brief chapter, the author talks about controlling your eyes. And the message is quite clear. We go to someone's home and seek permission
so that we can enter into their private area. But if you have entered their private area prior to seeking permission, even though you haven't entered physically, but you've entered otherwise, what was the point of even seeking permission?
Sometimes you might enter into someone's home by putting your ear against their window or their door, and you're listening to what's happening on the other side. That's not permitted any stuff. Similarly, you're peeking into someone's home, whether it's you standing at the door, and looking at the glass frame and trying to look through the door that's not jives, you have to look away. As we said, a lot of them turned one companion face away from the door and said, face another direction while you're waiting. Similarly, sometimes people keep an eye on the windows, all the lights on someone's definitely in there.
Or I heard the toilet flush Wallah, someone's in there, someone's definitely there open the door. I can hear someone talking behind the door, if you're doing these things, and what's the point of a masking permission? What kind of dignity do you have? What kind of respect do you have that other person's privacy. So here are sort of lost along on it. He said, I'm sensitive to companions, the purpose of seeking permission is so that you can look inside and get access to their private quarters. But if you've done that already, there really isn't a point in seeking permission. Now this becomes common.
And very important, on a few different levels. The first thing is
when you're walking outside or driving outside on a dark night, and people have their windows open, and their lights on and they're watching TV, it may be very tempting to look inside people's homes never do it. Never, ever do it.
This becomes more important when people live in close proximity to one another. Some of us have the last panel that has given us homes, we have front yards and backyards. So there's some safety buffered into the layout of the land. But if you're living in close proximity apartments, if you're living in townhomes that are built up next to one another, it becomes even more important that you don't look around during those hours of the night because someone may leave their window open, yes, they're doing wrong. But it's further a crime for you to look through their window to if you know that someone is having a private conversation in their house, and you can hear it through the wall,
do your best stop, Listen, don't be a part of that.
Now, if we offer each other, the rights that are due these rights of privacy, it protects relationships and gives people a sense of safety, security.
But the world that we live in today, it's been
kind of occupied and taken over by such PR, you know, just in morality.
That people they look through other people's homes to look into their private matters and, and they spy on them. And you wonder to yourself what your mind is in your heart. This is not what you're supposed to be, you know, people, they hack each other's devices, and they peep round in there and look around. And they're these things are very dark. But unfortunately, it's real.
individuals don't understand that just because someone's phone is there doesn't mean you can pick it up, you definitely should not be looking at the pictures that are in that phone. If someone shows you a picture on their phone, you shouldn't even scroll left or right. You should ask that person permission, may I scroll? Or can you scroll for me? Because the next the next picture, there might be a private family picture. And this is actually very common people usually show vacation pictures that Oh, look, I was traveling here. And when you take vacation pictures, you take two pictures of the scenery around you and the three pictures before and after of
family or people that you're with. And those pictures aren't four years. So you have to be mindful of controlling your eyes. don't reach into people's private areas. don't investigate them. Don't Look, don't spy. And you know, I was avoiding using this word, but I think I might go ahead and use it. Our society has become very perverted.
And it's as if decency is leaving.
And it becomes that much more important for us to be protective of ourselves first and foremost. And secondly, be mindful of other people. wherever you are. Control your eyes.
So when you enter into a home, into someone else's home specifically, when entering the house of your host, you're entering into someone else's home.
You should assume and understand, in particular, if it's a Muslims home, that they prayer, and when people pray in their homes, they don't appreciate others walking around with shoes on.
In the house of a Muslim being permitted to walk around with your shoes on is usually the exclusion. That's okay. People can choose that. By the way, you might tell the guests that come inside, keep your shoes on, we prefer that way. That's great. But otherwise, he should assume that when you enter into someone's home, the first thing you need to do is take your shoes off. Now when you do take your shoes off, the author makes a good point here. He says you should take your shoes off at an appropriate spot and set them in an orderly fashion. Look around first and ask yourself what where is the best place for you to place these shoes? in life? Whenever you do anything. What you need to
ask yourself is what's the most optimal way for me to do this thing? What's the best way that I can do? This is what we call anatomy hikma. What's the word pigma. hikma if you look at the definition of anatomy, the orlimar they say whether a shape femur Halle
tube, place something in its proper place. Okay, for example, the brother who placed this water flask on the table before the class started. Now he had to make a decision. There were multiple decisions. Decision number one, should I put water in here or another drink another decision? How much should I feel it another decision should it be cold water or room temperature water. Another decision you have to make what should I keep the cap on or should I take the cap off what will be easiest for that person. Another decision they have to make those were the were on the table Should I place it they could have placed the same bottle on this side. That wouldn't have been hikma
because no Muslim drinks with their left hand. Rather the heck my was to place it on the right side of the table. Therefore it was placed there. It could have been placed right in front of me in frame therefore blocking the view of those that are joining us online but the individual chose to put it here out of out of sight. It could have also been in a way where a blocked one of you guys but it was placed in a way where it doesn't block anyone's you. When I look at the placement of this bottle. And I've been thinking about this from the beginning of class. The person who place it here did it with wisdom.
This is hikma. Now some of you may think that's overthinking it. But when a Muslim interacts with something, what they do is they look around and they assessors, what's the best way for me to do this thing. When I enter into someone's home. Personally, the one thing I always tell my children is the default is to take our shoes off outside, not inside. Because when we bring our shoes inside someone's home, there is dirt and filth coming in with it. Unless they grant us permission, we shouldn't harm them in any way by bringing any dirt in their home. This becomes that much more important. If your footwear it has dirt on it like extra caked in with mud, let's say you decided to
walk over their grass on the way into their front door. Or if you just walk through a lot of snow or rain water and it's wet, then you definitely should not be taking your shoes inside, right out of consideration for that person. So when you do enter into the home, you should take a moment to just assess what's going on. Where is the best place for me to take my shoes off. And then secondly, leave them in an orderly manner. Line them up properly. They say that you can tell so much about a community just by looking at how they rack their shoes in the masjid.
It tells you what kind of other they are. It tells you how they respect one another. But then when you walk into a place in the shoes are all over the place and everything's a big mess. It also tells you that there's some development that still is required. There's still some development.
Yes, go ahead.
So the first part was all in relation to being considerate of taking your shoes off where and whatnot. Now the second part he adds in the signal. And the reason why he was were sort of lost in a lot of system also taught us how to take our shoes off, even though can forget that the way that NASA affiliated Philip w amin with another affiliate nabeshima that when one of you takes his puts his footwear on, he should start with the route and when you take it off, then start with the left foot. Keep that etiquette in mind and try to act upon that sooner that teaching of a suit of law. Civil Law one he said
I was in Mother Teresa.
And they had public bathrooms because there was a large congregation of people that would attend them others so there would be one area like a bathroom area, I was once waiting in line to use the washroom.
And in front of me was one of my teachers. The stall opened up and he went to the stall.
And I always thought to myself, I wonder how he is going to put his shoes on. And the reason I said always and the reason why I said always is because this was something that I struggled with in our Mother Teresa, they have the slippers in the bathroom, and they will never be taken out of the bathroom. So the bath the slippers always remained
in the bathroom. And the reason why I wondered how he would do this was because
when you enter into the bathroom, you're supposed to enter with your left foot. But when you put your foot your footwear on, you're supposed to put the right one on first. So I sat there I stood there in line, I said, I want to see how this works. Let's see which son now he sacrifices because he asked the sacrifice What if you're going to enter into the bathroom with the left foot, then you can't put the right shoe on first or slipper. And if you're going to enter with the right foot, then you have to sacrifice assume that and say the bathroom with a left foot.
So I thought to myself, let me see which one he sacrifices. And to my amazement, he did not sacrifice any of them.
He entered into the left foot but rather than putting that footwear on, he stepped on that slipper.
And then brought his right foot in and put that foot on that slip run and then put the left slipper on.
So rather than putting the less than or on first, he just stepped on top of the slipper.
Right? Therefore he acted upon entering with the left foot. And then when it came to putting slippers on he then put the right foot on and then the left. And then I thought to myself, see these people they have the cinema on their mind in every moment of their life. How can we accommodate that same chef of ours.
He was very particular about following the cinema Cinema, very particular. And it's no one from the wire. But when the visa the long lady was sitting would
mount his animal he would throw his right leg over first.
Now in America, it's easy because for those of us that are driving, we enter from the left side of the car, so your right foot enters first, you get a chance to act upon that Senator. But in England, they enter the car from which side
the right side because obviously driving on the wrong side of the road.
The cheap thing is the republican ones that are driving on the wrong side of the road. But we're American were right of course there.
So he had this big book that he would he sttc just for the viewers generally. So he had a copy of deloraine that was the size of his torso. And he was about to enter into his car. And I thought to myself, okay, got him on this one for sure.
And he did something really fascinating.
He, I thought he was going to snap a spine in the process, but he had really perfected this. He opened the car. He held the handle on the inside of the car, you know where people have little handles, he held that he put his right foot in and then slid the left foot in from behind.
And I thought to myself, This man is very particular. for him. Every small and big Suna is important because it's an invitation on the visa lottery system. And he was very keen on preserving the similar of the civil law civil law while he was sitting through his practice. One of my teachers once I recall,
I entered I took him to he came to our Masjid. So this was in Chicago.
When I was the mom there, he said I need to do without so I took him to
the bathroom where the blue area was. And he very carefully looked at the look at the blue area, then went outside the blue area and came back and then he selected which stall he was going to do is when I asked him I said sure why did you do that? He said Rasulullah sallallahu it was sitting with face towards the tip now while doing so I just wanted to make sure which of these faucets faces of face the Qibla so I can get that on as well. Why not take the buttock if it's available, if it's present, I can get that reward to these people cared about these things that matter to them. My mother Rahim Allah, I remember my father was buying a home. So he asked my mother, what do you want
the home. So she said to my father, I don't care about any of the features of the home. The only thing that matters is my range my stove should face because I like to face the fibula when I cook food. I think it adds more time so that's a good thing. It's a good practice. So my father he then accommodated that for now. Obviously facing this again thinking is not from the seminar per se. But it's a thought that's what I'm trying to put him
That's the point. That's the point I'm trying to bring you thought. They were these people that when they would cook, they will do a little before cooking for Baraka, they will start with this man, keep themselves engaged. How many of you can attest to this that you saw your mothers and your grandmothers and our mothers who would listen to the odd while they were cooking, they would do some liquid of a ma while they were cooking this to attract more Baraka because they understood this is what was going to be consumed by the bodies of the people in the homes, and a sort of loss of audience that tells us how
what you consume impacts you spiritually. Therefore, to be so loud that I'm setting when you lie at the full agenda just as worthy I will have
that body which was nourished by haraam will not enter the paradise. Now you have the full agenda to just sudden
What is it worthy I will harm Okay, that means nourishment worthy I've been around which was nursed through Hara May Allah protect us. So here he brings that pathetic example, for sue the loss of a loved one he said him said, when you put on your shoes begin with the right and when removing them begin with the left, so that the right shoe is the first to be put on and the last to be taken off. Yes.
Now you've entered into the house, taking your shoes off. Where do you sit now?
How do you sit? Again, you can tell check out the photo. But what that's all about
is about that wisdom. Because for the average person, you just take a seat. You walk into the room, you scan all the seats, look for the most comfortable one, and then you just lock yourself down and enjoy the rest of the evening. And don't get it from that seat, no matter how many elderly people walk inside, or how many sick people walk inside because you got dibs on the seat. You got there first. Here shuffled a lot, a lot to to some other.
Let's read it.
Firstly, if your host tells you to sit somewhere, then what should you do? Just sit down. Don't argue, don't protest to it. Because you may think of something but the host is thinking of something else. Maybe they want you to sit on that seat specifically, so that you won't have to look at the rest of the home. And the people who are working in the back of a home or just going back and forth don't have to worry about you looking at them.
Maybe they don't want you facing the direction of a home that they did not get the chance to clean
enough for a hostess for a guest to see. And one thing is having your house cleaned. The other thing is having it presentable, presentable for people that are visiting and no one has their house presentable all day. And if you have kids, you definitely don't. Some of the young people here like all my house is presented for 24 hours, it's always ready. It's picture perfect exedra Lucy saying that. But for those of you who have children, you agree with me Your house is not always ready to be presented. I need at least a 24 hour 24 hour notice. But I have to investigate and make sure there aren't random teams there broken things hidden somewhere and I have to pull up the wrappers and make
sure there isn't chocolate stuck to the sofa. And then you have to you know, there's a lot of preparation. And most of it isn't for us. It's for your safety.
You guys understand? The host is being considered of the guests. It's for your safety. So when the host tells you to sit somewhere to sit down, because they're being considerate of the people in the home, and they may guide you according Yes.
That won't be
converted to spam and came to see us
on a CD
while he himself sat on the board. So even though he says then we'll see we'll go
Sit on this reset. No you sit on it. I answered.
on the court, the ruling that we always teach in this regard is the famous statement, I'm going to focus on other. That command, the command of the host supersedes any other that you may have in your mind that you might think, no, I don't want to be disrespectful. But if the command comes that no, I want you to sit here, I'm going to focus on that, then at that point, you have to put all of your etiquettes aside because you've been told to do something. So listen to the command that's coming in your direction, yes.
karate jab in College of Music,
on the seat and ask
and so on.
So here's sort of lost in a lot while he was still in ketosis to things that if the host has a particular seat they sit on. If they have a particular seat on the table, they sit on a particular sofa they sit on, don't sit on their without their permission, or unless they instruct you to do so. This is much more important for children because they don't understand the idea of a designated seat for a host. Right? They should be told that you don't sit down unless you've been asked to sit down. One thing that I tell my children when we go somewhere, is that you should be the last people to sit down. First, make sure stand in the corner and make sure all the adults get their seats, make sure
all the Olimar sitting down. And once everyone is seated, if there's a place for you to sit, then you can sit otherwise sit in the corner of the room on the ground. If there is nothing there, then find somewhere else in the house to go and sit. But you must always be respectful to the elders give them priority. Right? They are senior therefore there should be other for them there should there should be extra consideration for them that they are given priority. When a person walks into a room and they see that our child is sitting in the adults are standing. Is that a delightful scene? No, it's you think what's going on here to the parents of this child not teach them any other. And when
you stand up from your seat, let's say you sat down first and an elderly person came later on when you stand up from your seat and give them your seat. Do you decrease in respect or increase in respect, you increase, the people in the room will look at that person and say that person's parents taught them well. Otherwise in today's world, nobody gets up. Because there is no other. There are no manners there are no advocates for any of this stuff. And similarly, Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam teaches us the etiquette of leading salons in someone's home. The host has first rights to meeting salons. Now they can choose to forego that right, they can tell someone else I'd like for
you to lead and then we go back to that thing that we said I'm going to focus on other than that they've told you to lead you need to go forward and lead or they may say I'd like for you to sit up ahead of the table because therefore more guests can talk to you and you can easily speak to everyone Okay, then go ahead and sit there. But otherwise, be mindful of not stepping on someone else's private area, their personal area, and give them the respect that they deserve in their home. So with that, we'll conclude here
and we'll we'll continue in our next class. We pray that Allah subhanaw taala grants is still feasted on upon us. I'm in love with the add on. I see that I'm humming ceremony.