Islamic Manners #06

Hussain Kamani

Channel: Hussain Kamani

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© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Bismillahirrahmanirrahim hamdulillah

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hamdu lillahi wa cafo salmonella evaluability Mustafa Susana, so you did receive a hotmail MBA. While leakiness kiya was Harvey hit at the mother.

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Today we start from page 18

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where the author sets the subject as announcing your presence Bismillah

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Alhamdulillah wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah Allah mala for him Allah, announcing your presence. When entering your house, make your presence known to those inside before approaching them so that they may not be startled by your sudden appearance. Do not appear like one who is searching for a fault in them. Say you do not obey the nav the lead ministry follow the law said when my father Abdullah must obey the law I'm used to enter the home he would make his presence known by speaking and raising his voice so that they may become aware and I have been humbled by him Allah Allah said, when a person enters his house, it is recommended that he coughs or taps his shoes. His son Abdullah

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Abdullah hamdulillah Allah said, when returning home from domestic My father used to announce his arrival before entering by tapping issues, at times he would do so by coughing.

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He number hudy in the non Muslim by him Allah Rahim Allah Malala love Medina have recorded from Satan agenda will be along the lines on the love Allah seldom prohibited a person from unexpectedly surprising his family at night, whether returning from travel or otherwise, as though he mistrust them or is merely searching for a fault.

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So here the author shares a brief chapter on announcing your presence. When you enter into a home,

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when you go to visit someone,

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it is absolutely necessary that you are considerate of them,

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that you take into consideration their comfort, their privacy.

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Don't be selfish, that I'll enter whenever I want, however I want. And now it's their problem to accommodate for me.

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This is why we have a concept and the chapters coming ahead of listed then seeking permission before you enter into someone's home.

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That way you can establish boundaries. When there are when there is no concept of seeking permission, there are no boundaries. So now people begin to complain that so and so person went into my stuff without my permission. Boundary issues. Brother and sister say that, you know, he just takes my stuff and leaves boundary issues. People don't understand that before you take something that belongs to another person or before you enter into the private area of another person, you need to say you need to seek permission. And where you seek permission, you must understand that the person who you are asking permission from has every right to reject that permission. That is not

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granting permission. And that's why laws which says you have created a commodity rule for a Jew who has gathered from that when you are told to leave when you are denied permission, then you must leave. Because that is the most purifying for you. You shouldn't go any further. You shouldn't push in, you shouldn't barge into the home. does it create frustration and anger when someone rejects you? Of course it does. If you call someone and they don't answer your call, of course that's bothersome. If you message someone and they don't message you back. Of course that's bothersome. When you knock on someone's door and they don't open the door, it's going to cause frustration. Now

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you can either think of the worst in them and the best of yourself and view yourself as a criminal here or sorry, view yourself as a victim here that you were done wrong. Or you can think for a moment that maybe that person has an excuse. And walking away and not letting those thoughts trail and just roam around in your mind is where your spiritual benefit is. And that's what allows Odin says that you can escala Kuhn This is what spiritually best for you.

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When you enter into a home and you announce your presence, you save the other person from being startled.

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A person may not realize that the person who's in their house is their relative and they may think that they're being robbed. They may think they're being attacked. You know when you read stories of people who accidentally in America more than other parts of the world shoot their family members. It's horrific when people accidentally attack their own family

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The members, it's terrific. So how you avoid this is by announcing yourself that I am saying, you know, that way that person knows that the person who's just entered into the home is a friendly and not a folk, similarly.

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So that way when they know that you've entered the home, the person whose home it is, even if it's your own home, the other people inside the home can now prepare themselves if needed, cover themselves if needed. So that way when you do see them, they're in a manner that they feel comfortable presenting themselves. So here

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he points out another beautiful narration of body any monster Hola, Brahim, Allah Tada, we're sort of lost a lot, as I'm told the companions to avoid returning home at night. And the reason for this was that you might see something when you return an announced and read it out of context. And that might bother you. Right, not giving the other person an opportunity to explain, you might come home, maybe someone's leaving the home, that might create data in your heart, there could be 100 legitimate reasons of why that person was there. But the thing was, you caught that person off guard, don't do that. But also the loss of the law while he was sent him if he was going to return

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to Madina, munawwara and Matt was coming in, he wouldn't enter into Medina at night outside Medina at a distance, he would tell everyone that settled down here, and they would take a little rest, maybe a few miles of journey would remain. They'd wake up the next morning, and then they traveled, the rest of it arrive in Madina munawwara early, it was a habit of a sort of loss that allamani was set in that when he would return to Medina, from a journey or trip, his first stop would be at mesh the net, we sort of lost it alone while he was sitting with price and other people would come to greet him, they'd have a lot of things to say he'd he'd love to listen to them. And then after the

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visit Aloha, they will sit down with sometimes tell some of the children that go and tell your mother Ayesha, or your mother have settled the law on how that I will be coming home. And then after that, maybe sit alone while he was sitting would come home to visit his family members. This is what you call announcing yourself, you know, letting that person know, the most annoying person is the one who shows up without any announcement and says surprise.

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You know, that guy,

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that person who just shows up as a surprise, the thing is that they're really excited that they made this journey and they and they were able to come meet you. But the problem is they're hoping to see a response out of you, while not taking into consideration what's going on in that moment in your life. You may not be ready for a surprise. And if you don't respond to reciprocate the excitement, it'll make them think that you don't love them or care, and that you don't believe in how much sacrifice they went through to make this happen. And a relationship that may have been perfect and amazing, will end up becoming sour because someone thought it was a good idea to walk in and say

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surprise. I see this happen a lot with kids just springing themselves on their parents, or parents showing up to their children's home and saying surprise, now how are you supposed to mama and Baba that surprise is a good thing. But it's always not

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a good thing. Because parents are under the impression that there are no boundaries between children and parents. And I'm going to talk about this later today because Jeff up in fact, I believe that actually brings a view regarding this.

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siblings may think that there are no boundaries, we're brothers and sisters, we grew up together, there should be no boundaries. So we can come whenever you want. Show up whenever we want. Take whatever we want stay for as long as we want. When someone has a residence, and they have a routine and they have responsibilities, you must always take that person into consideration. And don't be selfish. I started with this point. Because this is the slowly the principal point that you must take home from these chapters, that when you enter into someone else's territory, or when you walk into a home and other people live there to be considerate of them. Think of how or what I how I can

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enter or what I can do to make my presence a mercy for them and not a burden on them. Just think about that. And you'll get creative, and the more creative you get. And when you offer that to the people that you're visiting, not only will they be excited to receive you, but they look forward to your repeated visits that I can't wait for this person to come back again.

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Yes, Mrs.

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Smith,

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seeking permission to enter. If family members are resting in the rooms and you intend to enter that room, seek permission to enter. Otherwise, you may see them in a condition that you or they for that matter may just like this applies to your entire household. Your immediate family mom's like your parents or children, and others non Muslims as well.

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Here he's going to share many narrations But before he goes through those narrations

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let's briefly take a moment to reflect over the chapter title

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He says, seeking permission to enter, and audibly we call this than seeking permission. Majority of the great scholars of Hadid have entire chapters dedicated in their collections to instead than babylist.

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In mascots recently, we finished the chapter on estate, where they bring those narrations that a person should seek permission before they enter into a place. So there's a permission that's required to enter into someone else's home. Then once you enter into your own home, you must now also bear in mind that if this is a shared space, anywhere where there is a closed door, you need permission to open it.

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This becomes even more important if we're talking about the area being shared by both genders. If there are brothers and sisters living there, maybe your cousins are staying over for an extended period, because they've just arrived in the country or maybe they're here to visit you. Or maybe there's some family issue going on. So people are going to be piling in the home. Now you have to be even more careful of issues related to estate.

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Now, when you seek permission, as I mentioned, just a few moments ago, you can't demand to enter, because that goes against the essence of seeking permission. When you seek permission, you have to be ready to be rejected. Someone can say no to you.

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When you enter into a home or a room and you seek permission, what you're also doing is setting the tone when it comes to boundaries. One of the reasons why people don't like having others over at their home, is because of issues like boundaries. People don't know what boundaries are when they enter into a home. I've had people come into my home, and literally appearing up and down the kitchen, and looking at what kind of products we have in our kitchen and then telling everyone in the community movies I've had so and so cookie in his house and sold and sold candy and chocolate in his house. So it's all holiday.

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And I'm getting a bunch of phone calls Musab someone said you had so and so chips in your house and that you had, you know, a shopping bag from so and so store in your home. So does that mean you shop from there? What are your thoughts on the ethical issues related to shopping at so and so's store and now I have wonderful interview. So then you think yourself you're better than that is that you don't invite people over. Because people don't know boundaries. There are people who've told me that someone enters into their home and they go to the bathroom and they start going through the drawers, opening up medicine cabinets, these things are all wrong. I you know, walk into someone's home and

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opening up their fridge, you can't do that. You walk into someone's home, they invite you to sleep inside the guest bedroom, you can't open up the closet. It's not okay for you to open up drawers. And I know this because we are taught this as Muslims. I traveled all the time, up and down this country. And when someone invites me over to their home, if there is anything beyond what is apparent and visible in front of me that I wish to access, I need to get their permission. But I noticed that there's a drawer there a man opened the drawer, may I hang a garment inside the closet, let me get permission from you because I don't want to open up that closet without seeking

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permission. Anything that's closed before you open it, you must get permission. Anything that's upside down if you want to turn it around and look at it. You need to get permission. You know, learn to set boundaries. Don't let your eyes wander around and examine everything in the home. I've seen people who've gone to a person's home and to you know just look at the movie titles and make a just assessments on that person start passing judgment. He watches this movie she watches that movie. That means this person is like this.

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You go to someone's home and this common one. Some of you are gonna I'm talking about someone's home. And then you you quickly open Redfin.

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You guys been talking about Zeno's and talking about what you enter into someone's home, you open up Redfin and you click the check, you quickly check the value of the home that you're sitting in, how much they bought that home for and what's the market value for that home, and then you start passing judgments on the person whose house who's who's hosting you that Okay, so you have a really good job. Tell me what industry you work in. How do I get in? You know, so it's all crying and it's not minding your own business. And this is why people don't feel comfortable adding others over. Right? Because someone's gonna pass judgment. I went to a house once and we had a great dinner there. There

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was a person who was very kind and generous. They invited us to a dinner we had an amazing meal on the way out.

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One of the people that was with me said some of this out what did you think of the food? I said it was great. It was really good food I think they said I you know the royalties could have been better. I saw Andi pulling them out of the freezer they were store brought royalties. They weren't fresh.

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Right? So then I looked at this person, I thought to myself,

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Kind of inside of

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the sort of law sort of allows me to set it that the inside is so ungrateful. This person thought you were a friend, they thought you are someone they could trust someone they loved, you went into their home, rather than just appreciating what they had to offer to you and being kind excited about it. You had to find something to criticize. So what did you criticize? That the roti they gave the bread they gave us was pulled out of the freezer and reheat it, it wasn't fresh handmade bread, as if you're some royalty, right? Maybe that's the reason they weren't supposed to cook it take that fry that frozen rock and hit it on your head

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on a Honda one.

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And I've seen this happen not on one occasion, but many someone walks into your home and they say, Oh, your design looks tacky, Who asked you?

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Who asked you if the paint was tacky, and if the pillows were tacky, and if this fits your design or not, you're the reason why people don't feel comfortable inviting other people letting other people inside their homes, you know, there's an expectation that if so and so invites me to their home and I go there a meal certainly shall be served, there was a daughter in law, she told me that she said that, you know, I'm really reluctant of having my in laws over because every time they come, my father in law, or mother in law will destroy me if at every meal, I haven't cooked a vegetable dish, a meat dish, and even the meat dish, there has to be a poultry version, and then a red meat version,

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something with rice and something with bread, I have to do all of that every single time, in addition to whatever dessert is going to be on the menu. And she says it's overwhelming for me to do even for one meal, let alone for multiple days. And then on the other hand, the sun is her husband is sitting there. And he's just looking down because, you know, he understand that it's a difficult situation. But you know, they're his parents. So that's where you have that sort of difficult situation what how do you handle this? I think the whole thing boils down to two things. Number one,

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people when they go to other's homes, they make themselves the center and they become selfish. They don't take the hosts

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thoughts and feelings into consideration. And number two, they don't know how to set boundaries.

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Don't know how to set boundaries. These things when you put them together. Now you understand why the sort of loss of the law money was taught us to seek permission.

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Now when you're inside the same home, to emphasize something, he said, this applies to your entire household. If you're entering into a room where you have roommates, you need to get permission there because they may not be clothed. People dress differently when they're alone and no one else is there versus when someone is there. There may be a female relative who doesn't have a head cover that's visiting because she's in the room alone. When you walk inside we're going to make that person feel uncomfortable. So you need to seek permission before you enter inside. Similarly, the rewire again the narrations are coming to head that that person may not be clothed. So that's why

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you need permission even when you enter into your own parents rooms. Or when you enter into the room of your sisters or brothers someone from the opposite gender.

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Yes.

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Amen. Malika Hamel. Lord Allah has recorded his walk from Seton Alba vinyasa, Rahim, Allah Allah, that a man as a son of mine, Salalah Holly was sending him the following. Should I seek permission to enter my mother's room? Yes. And surplus are the lights on the law. It was on them. But we live together in the same house, set them in those little lights on the law to send them said seek permission to go to her. But I am her servant. He kept going out again. Like Do I really need permission to enter into my mom's room? I live together you know, I'm her servant. I pay the rent here kind of like bringing everything out. He's really trying to do I really need permission to

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enter into a room. So what is what is the sort of lesson a lot is that I'm saying? seek permission? Would you like to see her naked? No, replied them and then seek permission when entering so that's all the lights on the low Hollywood says.

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A man came to save in our beloved homeless road all the while the low and asked, should I seek permission to enter my mother's room? He answered, there are certain conditions in which you would rather not see her. So that's when Xena the wife of Angela

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said that upon reaching the door, Abdullah will be alone with cough according to a narration of pneumonia, used to make some noise, fearing that he might surprise us and encounter an embarrassing situation and then ask you to not have nearly a man will be alone. Should I ask permission to enter my mother's room? Say dinner where they follow the law and replied Yes, if you do not seek permission, perfect permission. You may see what you dislike. Say you then I'm also the law. I'm the son of Satan. I have no idea

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I'll be the lead on the line said my father went to my mother's room. I followed him as he entered, he turned towards me and pushed my chest causing me to sit, sit on the ground. He reprimanded me saying, How dare you enter without my without permission. This is called giving therapy from a young age, that teaching children as well that there comes a point in your life, when you reach an age that you are not allowed to enter into your parents room without seeking permission. You know, you teach your children when they start reaching that, you know, five, six year marker, that when you wake up in the morning, you can't just barge into mama and Bobby's room anymore. You can only enter

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into this room if you knock and seek permission, or if you are called, if you are summoned, you come otherwise you can't just come in, it's not appropriate. In the middle of the night, if you want to come you have to knock and get permission before you come in, in the middle of the day. If the door is closed, you're coming in, you knock and get permission before you come in. Yes.

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So you don't have enough time on love to either you guys may not understand that I'm telling you if these basic boundaries are not met, and when people then enter without permission, and they have certain very traumatizing experiences, those experiences and those experiences can affect them for the rest of their lives. It can really skew their understanding of intimacy. Right? That's why everything in Islam has a time place and there's a proper manner to approach that. And to avoid any of this from happening. We have these rulings instead of than seeking permission. Yes. So you didn't fly him Allah Allah The freed slave of so you don't have to love your mother, I'll be alone said

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when any of it normal will be alone, because children would come of age. If normal the law would decide him or her to another room. He would also not allow any of them to enter his room without permission. So based off of genders, you would also separate their rooms to that the boys would be on one side when his children would reach that age, and then he would move the girls to another side when the children would be Ah, yes. So you do not need to be a bla bla bla him on the other side of the aisle alone. Should I seek permission when entering the room of my two sisters? Yes, replied say don't have not best for the law. He said but they are in my foster care. I support and provide for

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them. If not best all the low on my ass. Would you be pleased to see them naked? Then he read the Blahnik verse with Bella Bella for lumen COVID Paloma does that Dino kamistan a Latina Republican.

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So you don't have not best will be alone. included. seeking permission is obligatory for all people. Yes. So he sided the IRS should have to nude why not follow men come on Hello, my failure Stack View comm then I live in I'm in public him. And when the children among you come of age, let them seek permission, as those senior to them in age also seek permission when they enter into a room. Yes, then I've noticed Oh, they log on who said a person should seek permission when entering the room of his father, mother, brother and sister. Say don't agenda hold the low. I also said a person should seek permission when entering the room of his children, brother, sister, father or mother, even if

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she is old. Most of these narrations have been recorded by him and without him a lot out in his book, a lot of movement. While some of them have been quoted by look at the volume on load data, under the above mentioned verse.

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Those that are closest to you tend to have this idea or mindset that I'm excluded from these Islamic guidelines, you aren't

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right, unless the one that you're speaking of is straight up child like someone who can't even wash themselves in the bathroom without your help. You shouldn't be barging into people's rooms, you should not just walk in. And it doesn't matter if you're a parent, if you're a child, when you respect someone else's boundaries, they will respect you more in return. But if you think that the way you demand respect is by walking into someone's room and just, you know, taking over their home and not being, you know, considerate of whether they want you there or not whether they want you seeing that or not. It causes a lot of problems. You know, I give unfortunately, I have a lot of

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these sessions with folks who are struggling with their marriage, specifically when it comes to in law issues. Right? And not to paint all of these situations the same. That rarely happens. There are cases where you know, someone is right and someone is wrong. But in many of these cases, what I see is that expectations are skewed. No appreciation for boundaries. You know, the mother in law says oh, this is a nice dress. I haven't seen you

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wear this one before. Where did you get it from? How much did it cost? Was it on sale? Did you get any accessories with it? And you're like, slow down on T.

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Like that's too fast. You can ask all those questions in one breath. You can ask one a week maybe. And then we can work our way from there and figure out

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The rest of them as we go along

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these things, the more you respect someone else's privacy, you have to keep in mind that person will appreciate you that much more. But if you don't respect them, then they're going to test you. And they're going to move away from you. And that's when relationships get extremely sour and bitter. Yes, go ahead.

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Be quiet while others are asleep. If you enter a place where people are asleep, whether at night or during the day, be quiet and gentle, be considerate, you're not cause any undue noise when entering or exiting. Also, the loss of a loved one Sallam said, Whoever is deprived of gentleness is deprived of all sorts of goodness. You ever meet that person who walks into a room and sees everyone's sleeping and then ensures that they increase the volume of their announcement to wake you up? And then you wake up sip, Galois, what happened? You say, bonnici, I need some water. Right? Someone you know, they wake up in the middle of a night they wake you up, what happened? I'm thirsty.

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You own, go get your own water. you're thirsty, get up and go get your own water. Why are you waking me up?

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When I thought

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so people they don't have, they don't understand that. Just as you need your rest, just as you get tired from your busy day. So is the other person, that other person gets tired too. So when you do enter into a home, and if there people are sleeping there, if there's a strong possibility people may be sleeping, they're lower your tone a little bit. And if you see someone is sleeping, then don't go out of your way to wake them up. Now, on the other hand, if you notice that they would like to be waking up, that's another story. Right? If you know that they would prefer to be awake. That's another issue altogether, but don't force yourself on them. Because again, when that person does

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wake up, they're not going to be pleasant. They won't be happy, and likely good won't come out of that interaction.

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Yes, so you don't have that and the last one, while the other one said, we used to keep aside the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam share of the milk. And when he came back at night, he would read us with the voices loud enough for those awake to hear without disturbing those who are asleep.

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In addition, whenever it also lost them alone, it will send them stuff or Salah at night, he would recite the Quran with a voice that please those that were awake without disturbing that those that were asleep. This is what the Quran says. Well, that's how we saw Latika happy to be here. Love it, does anybody know Delica sebelah that don't be too loud. Don't be too quiet. Choose a middle path. And another way of looking at this teaching of the sort of loss and along while they were setting is don't be Don't let religion be a cause to disturb other people. That person says Why are you bothering me? You said I'm reading the Quran. So if you think we don't put on a bad thing, you're

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you're a bad person. You can't stop me I'm going to read it on. Well if you want to put on you have to be considered of the people around you. This is why Allah have guidelines. When it comes to these issues. You want to go to a room and you wish to say Salaam to the people you have to first you know look at the room read the room first. If someone's eating food orlimar they say it's better off not to say Salaam while they're eating Don't disturb them someone's sleeping you don't walk into a room and say Salaam to someone and demand a response from someone that sleeping someone's reading the Quran you don't go up to that person sees that I'm make them stop their tilava so they can respond

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back to you. someone's doing whoo someone's doing glass someone's praying Salah This is why you won't find in the works of the earlier folk aha this thing that we have that someone walks into the message and shouts a ceremony come out loud, demanding or hoping for a response from everyone this is not in though you won't find this in earliest now. The way of entering the mesh at the proper other was greeting the machine by praying to an archive we call it the Hilton machine which literally means greeting the machine

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here to the message the greeting of the machine that's what this word means that when you would enter into the machine you would reboot our car that was it you would sit down, you won't walk around and out loud. Say I said I'm gonna come disturbing everyone that's in the middle of their day by that someone's doing tonight what someone's doing because someone may be lying down and then take off another person's praying some salah and everyone is being disturbed because a person wants to see said out loud now you go privately and say Salaam to people that's another thing, right? Or if you see everyone's just sitting around and they're not doing anything and you say something to them

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to to get a response against. That's, that's again, that's another issue we have to read the room. So here, I sort of lost a lot. So in this teaching us that when it comes to put on and this kind of stuff, you don't put it on so loud, or don't listen to it or don't read it so loud, that it disturbs others. My at home, my sons and my daughter, all four of them sleep in one room.

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It's something that I chose for their therapy. I read in one of the works of the scholars or he wrote that one of the most profound methods of therapy is to pair up children together in their rooms so they learn to deal with each other

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And the inconveniences of having other human beings around you. He said that by doing this, it develops human beings who are then capable of interacting with society. When children only have one room, then they become very self centered and, you know, self centric. And then for them to interact with the world that only happens if the world is willing to come to terms with them, they won't adjust with other people. And I found this to be very beneficial in my own upbringing, because when we were in madrasa, they would pair us up together, depending on how far along you are, in your studies, when you were a new student, you would have like, 15 roommates, and then slowly, slowly,

00:30:40--> 00:30:54

slowly by Botha, Hadeeth, you would have maybe one roommate, and then maybe if I think I finally had no roommate, so that was a great accomplishment. And finally, I made it to the top, and I didn't have a roommate anymore. So there was there's so many more eases,

00:30:55--> 00:31:33

and you see it, because every day they have some sort of a dispute. And I make it clear to them that in your disputes, what's not allowed is for someone to storm out, what's not allowed is for someone to claim a right by raising their voice and using their age, as authority to demand something you have to learn to communicate it. Which means that I need to know if it comes to me if you guys bring a complaint to me, I will ask what was a compromise, and you guys know the definition of compromise very well. So I will see if there was a compromise or not. Last night, the children were arguing because they have an Alexa in their room. And they'd like to listen to Quran when they go to sleep.

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So one of them complained and said that I can't sleep when you guys put the foot on. So then the other one said, so you're saying we shouldn't listen to the Quran.

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So I was walking past the room, and I just left my wife said Aren't you gonna go in there? I said no, no, let them handle it. So then later on in the evening, I saw my wife again and I said what happened with that put on situation. So she says to me, that the dispute wasn't settled so they said that they're gonna come to you for a fatwa tomorrow

00:32:09--> 00:32:23

true story as I was leaving the house to come to this hospital True story. The last thing that happened to fry like I don't know if you guys noticed that while I was living I stopped in the garage for a moment I positive but actually happened was that my kids were standing there they said Baba will you be back before we go to sleep tonight?

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There's a dispute at home that needs to be solved.

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So the truth is that when I do go home and they present their case to me, one is going to say that about I don't like to put on being played at night because I can't go to sleep. And the other two, three are gonna say that we like to put on to be played at night because it's very soothing and calming. It helps us with our memorization. What's the answer going to be?

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No Khurana allowed. And the reason is because you never use the dean to cause inconvenience to another person in these matters, the lie that is hopefully that are macadam on your philosophy that's applied, that maintaining the rights of other people, takes preference takes precedence over your own spiritual convenience. That now you have to be mindful of that.

00:33:16--> 00:33:18

Well, long bottom slot? Yes, go ahead.

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Knocking in Ringling Brothers, this is a common thing. I think another way of looking at the same issue is, you know, there's some people are sharing a room or a home and then someone has a craving for the 100 salah and they set one of those alarms that the whole city wakes up.

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You can't do that. You want to get the 100 you have to pray on your own schedule. You can't go around causing inconvenience to other people. There was a couple that once came to me.

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But wife was really mad.

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So I said, What happened? She said, Let's go what you asked him. So I turned to the husband. I said What happened? He said nothing chef, I just act upon the Hadeeth and she has a problem with that.

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So I said,

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What do you mean? So he says, You know what, I sort of lost it a lot, but I didn't even set him send me Allah mercy be upon the man who wakes up for the vigil prayer that the Hagit prayer, and then he also wakes up his spouse and if she refuses to wake up, he sprinkle some water on her.

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And then she looks at him and she says, He said spring cannot dump a bucket on me.

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And then I asked him, I said, What are you doing? You only have a look. He said, Well she doesn't wake up so I put water on her face.

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I thought to myself, hold on. And

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then I told him, Do you not understand that most of the narrations regarding the Hagit salovaara sort of loss of belonging it was some or narrated by his wife's specifically I shattered the last one. And in so many of those situations, she herself said

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I was just lying down while the Prophet was praying.

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I was lying down and resting, he said a lot, his son was praying, our room was so small that when he had to go into such that he would touch my foot, I would put my feet in, he would do such that and then he would touch my foot again, when he was standing up, I would straighten my feet out and go back to sleep.

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I showed the alarm went off. And then she said I would saw an episode of loss and pain I just saw while

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I was lying down and he was crying profusely. And you know, there's a very fascinating story under the seat of the eye in the futility seminar what what are the what's the laughing lady when I

00:35:36--> 00:35:44

look at the narrative, from the authority of eyeshadow, very beautiful narration but I won't share it now because it'll Drag off the discussion.

00:35:45--> 00:35:54

So that I said to this individual, you have to understand that the statement of the visa law while he was selling applies when a person desires to wake up and they almost tell their spouse that I want, you know, wake me up.

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And if it's, you know, even if I can't wake up then you push me to ensure that I wake up Otherwise, why is only you know, I shut the alarm on her lying there or not praying with Rasulullah sallallahu sodomize Korean peninsula? I asked my chef, this question. I said to him, you know, Chef, what is why is I shall do? I asked literally this question, but why is I show the long one I'm not praying Salah herself and all of these narrations. When I was younger, I asked this question. And my chef said, it shows us how to sort of less alone do some never imposes piden on any fun salon different nothing is different.

00:36:31--> 00:36:37

One of my teachers, who I studied in wartime and Malik with, along with other books.

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He was a phenomenal man originally from the reunion islands and taught us in the madrasa. So he when he spoke, he had a very interesting French twist to his language, whether he spoke ought to be or whether he spoke English. He also an author as well, with a French twist to it was quite funny.

00:36:59--> 00:37:09

So we used to call him Sufi sub. He was a very pious man very, you know, elegant, clean person. He was the type of person that you know, he.

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He read the books, the shamal narrations regarding the Prophet salallahu audio settings garment, and he actually went to the does the yard, right. And he said to him, the tailor that I want you to make a shirt for me that matches this exact description. And he listed out a particular type of fabric and a particular color and where their pocket was, and he listed everything else. So he used to wear this, this this sort of cortada stove that I hadn't seen sold in any other store. And it wasn't something really elegant. It had these rough edges because there are some narrations that show that maybe some sort of mortar garment, the sleeve of which wasn't finished, it was just loose threads

00:37:50--> 00:37:57

that were that kind of you know that that was how the garment ended. So he had this very beautiful garment he would work when he would teach us how he

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he always sat in the shower position. Even though he was very old white deer, he always sat on the shelf position. And when he stood up from class every day, he almost fell over every single day because his feet would go numb. So when he would stand up, there was a routine, he would stand up immediately lean against the wall to stop himself from falling over he will lift one foot moving around a little, lift the other foot up moving around, it's not the Hokey Pokey By the way, he was still a little bit of a crate a little movement in his feet, he would then lean forward to grab his copy of the walpa and then he would walk out of the classroom

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the reason why they call them Sufi sob is because once and the mother said there was a drought and the all the water and our mother used to come from a well but on top there was a well there so there was a tank there where they would pump all the water to so because of a particular drought there was no water the students winter shift use it but I know a lot with Allah and he said to him, that there is no water in the in the wild.

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So we'd like to do a lot to this discount. It's a prayer in which you ask Allah for water. So if he's in love with Allah said that there is a student among you. His name is thought had awadhi tell him to lead you guys. And they came to and so if you stop at that time as a student in the mother's day because a young man and they said to him, the shepherd Hadid said that you will be the one who will lead us and he stood there along with the students and made law and the wealth of water. So from that day in the mother's day, while he was still a student, everyone's sort of calling him Sophia, including chef Isa Brahim Allah who was his teacher. He will always refer to him as soon as

00:39:33--> 00:39:39

Amina language means good kid. pious kid. Someone's very noble and kind. Sophie Yes.

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So one time

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so so we saw when he would come to Mother's Day every day, he would drive this old beaten up rusty car. In England, they call it a banger.

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A really messed up broken car. One day he didn't bring his own car. So the son came to pick him up and he came like in a

00:40:00--> 00:40:00

mp3

00:40:03--> 00:40:25

so the next day to us, suicide was a fun guy to have jokes with because he was a very like, it was very humble, very timid type person. You know, you'd never hear him make a sound when he laughed, he would usually look down and just kind of like this. So when he came to class, the next day, we were in if I said, has that shift, yesterday, we saw your son's car and everyone's talking about the very fancy car.

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So then, He then said with a smile, he was looking down and he was smiling and he said, you guys could kill you taqwa. oroklini a fatwa.

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Which means that I don't impose my piety on my children.

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So for myself cooking, I choose a higher ground, I choose the life of Zoho, I don't engage with the luxuries of this dunya autocon Fatah. But for my own children, as long as they give, there's a cart and they have wealth, they can live by the fact that they can do what they want. And that was a very powerful interaction. Because we learned that day that you don't use your dean to impose on other people. You don't go around dumping water on people's face. Because you're getting you're having that hedge of the rush, which probably gonna last three days not to demotivate you let the three days last. But it doesn't mean that you have to kind of give everyone else to guilt trip in that

00:41:15--> 00:41:18

moment. And this is what we see here too. Yes, go ahead.

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Knocking in ringing when you're at the door of your brother, friend, associate or someone you wish to visit, knock at the door in a pleasant way which is sufficient to make your presence known. You know, unethically not loudly or violently as a thug or an oppressor would do. Thereby frightening. It's gentleness, calmness, ease, don't be intimidating.

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When I think of the Islamic rulings on knocking and seeking permission,

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I always think of the lack of etiquette people have when it comes to texting and calling.

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People don't visit each other that much anymore. Would you guys agree?

00:42:05--> 00:42:16

Like, how often? How many times in a month Do you knock on someone's door when you go to visit them? Sure you do, like you know your neighbor, or just you're going to drop something off. So that's the thing, but it's not as common.

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There was a time where people would visit each other multiple times a day, if you've been back home, regardless of what part of the world you're from. Buxton, India, you know, you're from the village in Africa, or from the Middle East somewhere, you know, how many people knock on the door a day.

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Everyone's coming and going, it's like an open door system, people are coming multiple times a day, kind of an average day, like we made some food, we're sending it over, the kids come by, on beautiful day, I need slippers, I need to go downstairs, I'll catch up later, I'll take your slippers and go. So people are always going in and out. So this whole thing doesn't just occur once a day or once a week, seeking permission happens. Like by the 10 minutes, someone's coming and going coming and going. And when I think of that, I think of our phones. Because what happens with phones, emails, text messages, is that people call but they demand that you answer that call. And if you

00:43:09--> 00:43:47

don't answer that call, they will give you one solid guilt trip, they will bully you, they will make you feel bad. They will, you know really let that guilt get into you. like as if they have a dagger on their hand that they're going to twist and turn to make sure you feel the pain. That's not okay. If you call someone once and they don't answer that doesn't give you the permission to call them another 20 times after that. That's not going to make the situation any better. That's not going to make them any more happier. When they when they do take your call. Similarly, you call someone and they don't answer you should ask yourself why? Maybe it's possible that that person doesn't have my

00:43:47--> 00:43:48

number saved. And

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maybe what I could do is send them a text message and tell them who I am introduce myself. I have a policy that usually unless it's someone very close to me, before I call them I messaged them and I asked them May I call you? Can I call you in five minutes? This is her same company. I need something Is it okay if I give you a phone call or not, but someone very close to me that's different because you know you have in formalities of people that are very close to you. So the same things here. Announce yourself before you call someone that this is so and so on. I wish to call you. When is a good time I can call check out their convenience. Don't just surprise call people and

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then bang on the door or call them repeatedly. 2030 times this thuggery is wrong. It's not right. This is not the way Muslims do things. If you text someone and they don't respond back to you don't text them another 100 times. I have a very big problem with and I'm not speaking from a legal perspective. I think ethically there's an issue here and maybe legally there could be a discussion and certain practices, this whole idea of people

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you know, calling texting someone and then having the access to having the ability to know whether that person read the text message or not because it creates more fitna

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Do you guys understand? You know, I used to use WhatsApp, like an hour like a year ago, I stopped using it. This is one of the reasons because what happened was that you someone had messaged you, and then they would get like some a number of checks that had a particular color. And it would tell them this person read your message at this time, and they would never messaged me back saying, Well, if you saw my hair, you read my message yesterday.

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It was really annoying. But then I found a hack around. The hack that I found was that you can actually turn it off.

00:45:31--> 00:45:47

There was a setting back there that we've tested that setting that person wouldn't know. But then what happened was that there was a some other way, there was some other notification they got if the message was delivered, or if you saw it, even though you had an offer, they could know whether you will log into the app. Does that make sense?

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So on Android, they have this thing where you can open up a widget, and you can scroll all the message through the widget without even opening up the app. So that became another sort of, but when I realized that it was no higher, because what was that running from I was running from people invading my privacy. That wasn't something that's not something you run from, that's a given. Every person should have that, you know, people who have iPhones, that's the same story there that you know, the BlackBerry was the same thing. You know, so this is not good. This is not good. These things should be turned off, people should be given their privacy, because unfortunately, we usually

00:46:24--> 00:46:25

think the worst.

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Rather than thinking the best the reason why that person didn't text me back, the reason why they didn't call me back, thinking of something good there. You know, we always think the worse, maybe the reason why that person didn't call you back is because they needed some self care. And that's just for them to unplug from their phone and not respond back to people for 12 hours a day. I have a policy like that. I do that all the time. Someone says Why didn't you respond? I'm on a phone duty, which means that I don't touch my phone during that time. When I'm talking to people. I don't look at my phone. So anyone that's ever had a conversation with me. One thing you'll know is that if I'm

00:47:02--> 00:47:33

sitting with you fax out with you for three hours, I don't pick up my phone for three hours. Because for me this conversation is very important. What's happening on the phone is secondary in terms of communication. And you can text message me Tell me something's urgent, I may calm I will then obviously call back and see what's going on. Otherwise, this whole thing that people intrude on your privacy and guilty over it. This is not Islamic. And this goes against all the teachings of the Quran that are related to stare that it's just that now we have a new form. We have a new way of communicating. Yes.

00:47:35--> 00:48:12

A woman came to him and I've been humbled him Allah to Allah, seeking his opinion on a religious medic. She knocked the door loud when he came out saying this is the banging of a policeman. In other words, it is not befitting to knock in this manner. Another thing that you need to keep in mind when you do seek permission is that you don't call people or knock on the door and off hours. Someone has children at home Don't go at a time when those children are resting and start knocking the door because that'll wake the children up someone's sleeping at night you don't knock on their door unless it's absolutely urgent. You know, I shared the story with some friends a long time back

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I was in Chicago and I got a phone call in the middle of the night it wasn't in Milan so closer to closer to soldier time actually so that run that for a marker three 4am when I saw the phone call my wife was puzzled that someone was calling for interested who's calling i said i don't know i don't have the number saved but I think that I should answer it because if someone's calling at 4am and asked to be important I answered the call I kid you not the guy asked me are McDonald's fries hello

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and I just felt like saying boundaries boundaries boundaries. I said I'm gonna come up with the law here.

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This is not how you do things. So again, when you call people when you text people when you email people you have to ask yourself that if there's a ding or a ring that happens and that person hears that it may wake them up it's probably better for me to send it now if you need to send it on I send an apology I apologize for this late night message. These things are all about con kindness and consideration and this is what Islamic matters actually all built on. Yes.

00:49:16--> 00:49:18

Remember follow him Allah Allah reported in

00:49:19--> 00:49:28

that the Sahaba they allow us to knock on the door It was one of the lines on the law it was on them with the tips of their nails out of respect. When you're not with your knuckle. It's really loud.

00:49:30--> 00:49:39

If you're this you're not with your palm, I'm not going to do that because it's going to destroy the mic and the whole thing, okay, like banging coat off, hitting your heart

00:49:41--> 00:49:45

like that. But that's how I would do is use the tip of their fingers and do this.

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You guys see that? So the sleeping,

00:49:51--> 00:49:55

wakes up. I'm sorry it doesn't wake up and the one that's awake, they hear that

00:49:56--> 00:49:59

they know it's time for them to go. When we were students and mother said this was common

00:50:00--> 00:50:31

Practice, that when you knock on someone's door, you always use the tip of your fingers. That's it. When you go to when we would go to our shifts home shift use of time Allah to receive him for the hair salon, the students would usually go to his house 15 minutes for the hair to stand outside his home. Not that he wanted to receive us or not that he there was any benefit and respect any spiritual religious benefit of receiving it. But other students would be free. They'd say, let's go go to chef's house, when he walks out of the home, we'll walk with Him to our saw, because his home was outside of the medicine. So we'd go to the house and we'd knock at the tip of our fingers

00:50:32--> 00:50:44

like that. And then he would maybe do we'll do or something Five minutes later he would come out. And then we just walk with him to the machine and there was a brief moment of an opportunity of just being in the shifts company. Yes.

00:50:45--> 00:50:59

Some of you I know probably think that's really weird. And that's okay. Right. But it was a it was something of great honor to us just to have a few moments of walking with the shift. It's something that meant a lot to us. Yes.

00:51:01--> 00:51:40

This soft and gentle knocking is appropriate when the inmates of the home are close to the door. As for those who are further away from the door, it is appropriate to knock on their door or ring the bell loud enough to enable them to hear it without being in this regard. The following Hadeeth was mentioned earlier, gentleness adorns every act and its absence tarnishes it. In addition, you might Muslim Allah, Allah reported that also in the minds of the law, and he was some of them also said whoever is deprived of kindness is deprived of all right. Hi, wherever is do private kindnesses your private bunkered Yes, one should allow sufficient time between two knots to enable those making Lou

00:51:40--> 00:51:55

performing solo or eating to finish without rushing. Maybe the reason why they're not opening the doors because they're in the middle of the meal and they don't have the luxury of sharing the meal. That might be a thing, right? So give them time, let them finish off their meal.

00:51:57--> 00:52:21

Some of them that have suggested that this interval be equal to the duration of Warlock out of soda, since it's possible that a person may have just commenced this a lot before you knock on the door. Or maybe that person has just gone into the shower. Maybe they're just gone to use the bathroom. So give them a 10 minute five minute break. If no one answers and then knock again. If you need to go that's your choice you can leave but if you wish to hang out, leave some break in between.

00:52:23--> 00:52:38

If after three interval knocks you feel that if a person you came to see was not busy, he would have answered you then leave for a total loss on the law. It was seldom has said when any of you seeks permission thrice and he is not granted permission that he should leave.

00:52:39--> 00:52:59

While waiting for permission. Do not stand in front of the door rather stand to the right or to the left. The reason why you don't stand in front of the door when waiting is because when that person opens the door then you'll see directly inside the house. If you stand a little to the right a little to the left. When that person opens the door you won't see directly inside. Yes.

00:53:01--> 00:53:09

One of us will allow last on the law it was send them would come to someone's door he would avoid facing the door directly. Instead he would stand to the right or to the left of the entrance.

00:53:11--> 00:53:20

Okay with that we'll stop here. We're praying that Allah subhanaw taala grants us to fish and ability to understand and do Hamlet upon what we learn. What's the law without

00:53:21--> 00:53:22

ceremony