Engagement
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Channel: Hatem al-Haj
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AI Generated Summary ©
The speakers emphasize the importance of finding a woman with a history of being married, preserving privacy measures, avoiding false assumptions, and finding a woman attractive and avoiding false assumptions in marriage. They stress the need for strong privacy measures, privacy agreements, and witnesses in cases of divorce. The speakers emphasize the importance of preserving legal rights and having a strong will, flexibility in court environments, and strong personal and professional traits to ensure successful divorce.AI Generated Transcript ©
Learn from us are sort of the most
sought after they would go over engagement and culture.
So this will be
sort of more interesting for people.
One of the days,
the chapters are particularly interesting, or the sound the chocolate, interesting presentation of marriage,
waiting periods for employment. But this one chapter is interesting
for a lot of people engagement.
So I'll try to also
you know, include the, the mountain, I will try to basically read the nothing in here verbatim.
For those of you who would be interested.
I'm not doing any introduction, because we did them last time.
Maybe once in a while, we will repeat the introduction, but we are studying a unabridged book. And anyone
have an idea it was compared to the evaporation,
including the positions
for weather.
And I didn't say that much I have in the past used to basically have a manual and every type of knowledge, and then they would expand. From there. We'll start with a manual which is the cord. So very abridged, concise code,
where we summarize the subject.
And then they go from there. So the manual is the nucleus, and then the elaborating on it. They have the so called pseudo explanations, commentaries.
And then, in addition to this, they elaborate on the elaboration by the so called habashi, which are site and footnotes.
Notes, they usually wrote them on the sides
because the right amount of
science, so how actually would be cited footnotes. So we have three different types of
books. In fact, we have four because there are some books that are like NACA, for instance, will remember when we discussed the last time the different books on
the road. And we said that the smallest number that we are explained.
And the largest will be,
which is a compendium of compared to number two was in lockdown.
And number three is a cavity number two from
the what the second smallest would be, number three would be
cafe mocha would not
would not qualify.
Like, necessarily maybe or the state book, like the cafe, for instance, would not qualify, because I'm somewhere between a recommended book, but it would not qualify as a magnificent book. So when the book is larger than an
explanation of a rapid scope.
So you have the mountain you have the Kitab, you have the shark, you have the hamachi
is the manual, the code, the sharp is the explanation of that many weather code to house the RV additional cited
by scholars and other generations
to the sun,
which is on the map.
The book is just by itself. It's a it's larger than the book it is not an explanation of another larger book. That's not an explanation of this would be called
crashing
long there is a mechanism
for doing that.
Compared to the explanation, and we did say why they're doing very good explanation, because it would be important particularly for people who live in the west
to have a comparative to
have a comparative approach to flip even if you go buy one melt up or if you have one melt up your foundation, but to have some comparative understanding that is important for
sort of promoting tolerance, and it is also important,
particularly important in our times, because
we need to understand the wisdom of the Divine, not within the confines of one single email more or less, which hard
our face sometimes or some people's face, particularly skeptics or particularly people that
understand the you know the difference between the divine and that you
started here by saying, engagement.
Actually, engagement is between brackets corner of the bracket, so this is an addition for me anything above the footnotes? That is not from me as I put it between the brackets.
So I added this title just for clarification,
but he's lost around
11 miles or harder. Thank you, telcos here, look a faker, Katarina.
Man, Hamada
Plattner
matin
Allahu
la la
isla
de la
so this means
well man whoever
wherever
whoever
whoever What are them wanted
it's about engagement so to propose
Roxanne to propose to our
father who loves Lego to him from lover looking. So he's entitled to look in
others looking level he's entitled to
either looking at
that which
appears
however that time other is work customarily
the translation is different from my translation here and announcements by
translation does not have to be exact to actually have like your face
care is like what you got here face
to face, hands and hands
and feet.
Okay.
So everyone wants to propose calm and looking at that which usually appears or customarily appears customarily appears where
no longer in public
by for surfing, he's not talking about public because in public domain
With only be okay to appear according to the Hanafi Meza, not the Maliki's not the Chava is not the hundreds.
So for certain, he's talking about what customarily appears at home. Color wise, what's the distinction between the hotter than anyone else? If these are things that would appear in public? What is entitlement?
Okay, so, first of all, looking is important, looking is important. And it has been reported by non Muslim
men came to the prophet SAW seven, and he told them that I proposed on and the Prophet said to him, and I thought it they call it out.
So the Prophet said to him, Have you looked at her, he said, No. And then the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said to him, look at her, because there's something in the eyes,
which means something undesirable by them will have something undesirable.
Maybe the eyes of the ensemble are a little bit narrower than what Americans usually desire. So the prevalence of them is basically alerting them that, you know,
you guys desire a certain appearance, you do want to look at errors to make sure that you're comfortable with how she appears
before you married her, and this is extremely important, in fact, said that you should not ask first about her ID, this was very,
he said that the first thing you should ask about is not rarely, you should ask about your beauty first.
So then if you know that she's beautiful,
you asked about purity. And if she is religious, then you proceed. And if she is not religious, then you're afraid. Because then you would have refrained for the lack of religiosity, not the lack of beauty.
Because if you asked about her theme, and then she you know that she is religious, and then you proceed, and then you look at her and she's not beautiful, or, you know, beautiful is relative, right? Beauty is relative, she's not beautiful in your eyes. So, if you asked about her LSU Assa T, and then you see, you're told that she is religious, and then you, you proceed, and then you discover that she's not beautiful. And you're afraid that you will have rejected a religious woman for the lack of beauty.
That is unbefitting, that is hurtful.
So first ask about her beauty or to try to figure out if you are content with her appearance. And then ask about your religiosity
so that when you make your final decision, you're perceiving or refraining on the basis of
religiosity.
So there are many other hobbies, the fact which is that you do need to be comfortable with how your spouse looks.
Now, can we say the same applies to the sisters?
Yes, absolutely. they're entitled to accepting or rejecting. However, they're not the ones that are seeking out with a preference.
Not say, go and look for like a handsome man. But when someone proposes to her and she does not feel that he is comfortable with his looks, she was saying she needs to be content with his appearance as well.
Now the extent
of looking over to the extent to which she could look at or could be shown to the closet, what is the extent how much of it could be shown? So now, he said to us in our cafe Academy and like her face, her hands and her feet.
Basically, he said,
that which customarily appears, but if we go to other places within them,
As we will find that there is a little bit of disagreement within the month.
But within the very last minute
What ever appears customarily is not just that
you add to it, the head,
neck,
we could even parts of the legs.
But we'll just leave it at this for
the majority, which is the three months
caprican h means what
guys you should be studying
and I gave you the has the abbreviations capital H does not only mean hanafy
it means the strong position within the hierarchy method.
capital and hamstrung position of them the Maliki capitalists from position one vendor safaree. And then a small A
is the weaker position within the company was that all of those set was
facing as
you would expect from the front office also to add
fee, right because the
feet are okay to show period. This is the default. This is not just for the cup.
So all of them said face and hands the herpes would add feet
is Ms stronger for
Phase
II.
Neck
I will just leave it at best because some of them also said the parts of the legs
can then we have this third position that is a weaker position that left it up to
the you know the thoughts of angle of tober. The one I propose to end one proposing
so
they said that she could show whatever she wants.
But that's the weaker position.
Remember, these are the to orthodox positions. So if some people wanted to pay first, that's fine. I think this is fine.
Some people sometimes to have excessive excessive cautious piety and some sisters, party sisters sometimes were at least they heard of this or around what to propose to accomplish what he wanted. He went to her home and then she refused to take off from the club. This is too difficult now.
So that is misplaced one. That is because you're actually defying the consensus. The consensus is that you could show the face misses by instances. So if you if you refuse to show the face to someone who's proposing to do that there's a little bit of a misplaced what are
what are what
are pious caution
that could be both
so what can what can the woman do? So we're saying that you know he would be seeking out a good wife and we said that he would look for
he will ask about her beauty first and then he will try to figure out that she's religious. So that his final decision whether this acceptance or Reject rejection is based on her Deen religiosity not really looks.
So what can the woman into if she is interested in getting married? Or can she do anything?
Or should she
wait until someone proposes they're standing here that is okay. It seems like from reading some of the
you know reports from the Sahaba that
when a woman wanted to get married, she she
The
different things and particularly from Serbia,
which is reported by Muslims
is particularly
the fact that when they do want to get married
just
to clear up the appearance, that does not mean that she will take off her hijab, it just means that she will take better care of her appearance. And this is particularly important when
husband died,
what she did
when she ended her waiting period by giving birth to a child with a T bore, she was pregnant when he died. And this is after they were there by the way. So this is very late. So we cannot say that this abrogated by the versus the of the jab
which is one of the proofs on the permissibility of showing the face and hands for those who believe that it is permissible.
So
I was met by a saboteur and about her in so many points I was
interred in upon her she which means that she was at home but then some reports are particularly documents report, he met her so apparently met her in the street. And he saw that she is
it's a metaphor hooked up to the fire signals for the pub, you know, suitors.
And how did she do this? We we can glean this from some of the reports were said that she is in
trouble.
So it
puts an eyeliner.
It's quite a copula is a particular type of is.
That is the handle?
cuz I've probably spoken
in the hands.
So it means that, yes, she could do like based on the sensory, there is a lot of disagreement here. I'm not going into the controversy, because the controversy starts from, you know what she is allowed to show her face or not,
you know, taking
the power position of the majority that she's allowed to show her face, and hands can I build the rest of this study from survey are meant that she when she is
interested in getting married, that she could do a little bit more in terms of taking care of her appearance, that is not that they call her her job, but to take care of her appearance
to show that she is interested in getting married.
And I also said that it may be acceptable for a woman to go to places just to be noticed. And this should not be perceived as suboptimal or dishonorable or anything like this, because of his interest in getting married. Why do you think like she has a need to get married? Like her male counterpart? Why is it that her brother can go out and be looking and actively pursuing and then particularly in a country like this or a community like ours or environment like this, where Muslims are scattered out through a continent like 6 million Muslims scattered all through a large continent, or less than 6 million Muslims, it may be harder. So to basically go out to places with the intent of being
noticed absolutely fine, absolutely. If not even desirable.
So she goes out to
you know, family and public events, conventions and so on to be noticed. You should not feel bad about this. Because she's doing this for us, which is to get married to get noticed and subsequently or consequently get married.
Sometimes also like matrimonial services.
People have different
notions about matrimonial services or receptions of matrimonial services, but they could be used anything that
could be used the practice
some precautions, take your precautions and make sure that you're not
putting yourself in harm's way and that these things could be could be used,
they have
posed a question to us and about the this particular arrangement totally bring a large group of
brothers and sisters to meet in a large room. And then they have tables were
basically here.
So, in that the tables are numbered, so that they use the brothers and sisters use the matrimonial services, and then the sister
basically decides that she's interested in meeting those three suitors. So, the, they will be arranged for the brother and the sister in the presence of the court and the presence of the Guardian guardians to meet one another, and then some CCG could move from table five,
for instance, to table seven, and then she could move to
table 80.
Because, you know, at certain times, to meet with those particular brothers,
whether you like this arrangement or not, there is like, there is something that is very important, we should understand that whatever you like for yourself, your daughter, your sister is not
what is islamically binding her knee
and everybody else, whatever I like, you know, and the preacher particularly needs to pay attention to this, so that he does not give his own into an instrument biases mixed with
religious rulings. So there is a difference between what you like what you prefer,
and what is color.
So, when arrangement like this, I felt that would be Hello.
But to make it to make the best out of it, you need to exercise a lot of
diligence in matching people just to preserve the honor of the sisters in good matching, so that when she's moving from room from five to seven to 80
these are actually good matches. So there is no unnecessary exposure to people that are not good matches.
And you need to have guardians present. Now, not necessarily the guardians in the sense or I should not say this, I would say family, so if he or she has their maternal or paternal hands for mom, but still okay, we're not getting married yet. So, there is no need, because if you say that there is a need here for our background, you produce your proof right. What is your proof for is that
how could you prove it?
There is no need for Malcolm in particular, which is the sort of the mayor relative like her father, her brother and so on.
So, to have some family, this would be just a precautionary measure, precautionary measure. Otherwise, if he said no family whatsoever, in the presence of all of those people, this is not seclusion here. He is a wonderful family. You know, what if it is a third sister that doesn't have you know, Muslim family that was would be willing to partake in an event like this.
So it would be okay. We just added this as a precautionary measure to add more safety
and propriety to the whole scenario. So your exercise due diligence and good matching, you have some family members present and allow family members to be present in this room. And if you want to do this, then this is fine. Certainly
If a particular sister is known in the community by her present since her is active, and she is known in the community and she gets suitors every other day, we will certainly tell her you don't need any of the above. You don't need to, you know,
sort of take care of your appearance a little bit more than usual. You don't need to go to events and places to be noticed. You don't need this matrimonial services or matching business and going to these particular events on blockchain, you don't need any of the above and we would prefer for you that you don't you don't do any of this. Why are you doing it? If you're getting a lot of suitors here doorsteps.
But this is for
the rest of the people.
Finally, it would be permissible for us we are talking about what the sisters could do, because there is like a problem, you know that you can always ignore over
those problems as if they don't exist. So there is a problem, particularly for the sisters to find good suitors. Because we said that their exposure they're mixing with
sisters can can only be a Muslim men. So if she needs to be able to have
a go,
some exposure.
If she is,
we said that it is not usual, that you will be seeking out a suitor what is used what is for the man to seek out the woman. And that will be the default, but isn't hard for a sister to seek out a suitor and to propose to a soldier. He was not
satisfied with any reports of this from Sydney Malik that a woman came and proposed to the Prophet sallallahu sallam. And then you see where the culture here comes in. And the daughter of innocent nomadic heard this? And she said, shame, shame.
How can she do the same thing? Because
that is the culture part. So as something that except for her, she's who she was interested in the best of humanity, the Prophet sallallahu sallam. So if you offer her
she offered the self determined marriage. That's a common thing. You know, so if a woman wants to propose that springs, hello, she wants to it's not the default it is not what's customary, but it should not be perceived as
or indifferent.
Now, someone could say the preference, hello sentiments, instructed, you know, the Sahabi that came and he said I proposed a woman is struck to them can look into and he said have you looked go and look? Because there is something that the eyes have the answer, someone could say, but looking is not enough.
is looking enough?
Someone could say looking good enough, you know, how do I come to know her?
In these forms of arranged marriages?
How do I get to know her?
This would be a justifiable question. Why because
if you
have a Master, master chorale and Mecca,
Mecca is basically Mecca.
The city of Mecca was the size of a master McKenna.
We're about that size, just a little bit more. And some people may have lived in the outskirts and so on. But they're their cities, their villages, they used to be very small, and the population is very small. So he would expect them to know much more about each other than we do in our days. So if a brother came from San Francisco and he looked at her ones, and she's okay and she looked at him once and she found them to be okay. It may still there, it may still be not enough to to proceed
not as justifiable
So in this case, we say the following. First of all, no one said that you need to propose once you have looked at her, and once, you could have a lot of visitation, a lot of this customers prior to the engagement, and these needs to be in the presence of some family members, not my mom's family members,
because the family, the presence of you know, not your family members, without this safety and, you know, propriety and remove the
problem of hardware, sick illusion. Okay. So you have some family members, and you have a lot of discussions and toxic things, they will continue uncomfortable. And then after, yes.
Yes, for the reverse. They could have friends.
Friends would be just like family members of this case. Yes.
At the end of the day, you know, because a couple of levels apart from fear of as much as you can never say or inferred could not arrange for a friend to be present. She needs him in the public library. That's fine. She needs them in a public public place. That is fine. Yes.
So there is no touching meaning there is
there is nothing, you know, when it comes to engagement, or the the exemption here is that you are allowed to look, but you are not allowed to touch? Because a lot of people do, you know, at least some forms of my touching. But that is not even permissible.
Yes, no limitation to the number of blocks, until you're completely satisfied that she is, she's okay. And then you could predict them, then afterwards, you need to proceed.
Afterwards, you need to proceed. So what Islam gave us like a sort of a multi phase process here. First, before the engagement, you when Islam allows you to sit down and look at even according to the stronger position in the hands of a member, just somebody
she does not need to be in her chair, she will need to be in what customarily appears. So he's looking at her now. Like she worked through the same way she will be at home with him. Not exactly the same way. But at least there is no scarf. She had no she saw her hair, her face and neck, feet hands.
so on. So see. So this is before engagement.
Cuz then they will sit down and talk like they have this family,
friends. And then for those who don't have one and don't have two people who are present in a public place, just to make sure that there is no seclusion. And you could talk as much as you can, and look as much as you want, until you're comfortable that she's the right person.
And then the same applies to her
when it comes to looking or talking about him versus her. Because looking is more, you know, the scars have been always more and more more lenient. As far as women looking at men.
There is more leniency there than men looking at women
is you know, the strictness applies to men more than it applies to women.
But then after the engagement, you could continue also with this.
Basically, you could visit her at home.
But you wanted to highlight underscore the fact that engagement is not basically
this is not basically a minor marriage, per se
have been treated engagement has a minor marriage, which is absolutely incorrect engagement does not give any privileges to anyone, except for clocking and looking. And that's it. And looking is limited to becoming comfortable that Yes, she is the right person. And then afterwards, and everybody keep in mind that we cannot always use numbers, we cannot always be like to objective about, you know, the rulings and give you a number, you can talk for half an hour, three times a week, for two weeks, there will be a prescription for our top medicine.
And some people want to know sometimes when you say to people, women should not wear things that are attractive, and then they want you to say she cannot wear anything except to black, Navy, or gray, I can we can give her numbers of colors.
To go to the fabric store and give them numbers
there has to be some level of subjectivity some level of you know, self regulation, she should not wait.
The Aries was there in different environments, to a great extent. And the Prophet did not say these colors are okay, these colors are not okay.
The same applies here, you cannot say that the period the duration, but he could say that you earn trusted with us, you're dealing with a law, who sees you know, the inner crevices of your heart and your mind. So don't think that you will be able to deceive a lot, no one can. So you will be looking until you're comfortable that she's the right person, and then that's it, you quit, you quit, you either move on to the next step, which is getting contracted. Or if you're not going to move on to the next step, which is getting contracted, there should not be more, you know,
basically looking and talking and stuff like this, unless you want to talk to be comfortable with her expectations, because expectations and so on and so forth. But in this case, she will put on her she could put on her
agenda
like usual, it would be very sort of format, appropriate discussion.
So that that is, you know, before engagement, engagement can then getting contracted, which is another step. And this step, you know, I value the step so much because between getting contracts, and the consummation of marriage, there, here is our chance as Muslims, and not all of us will need to use this in this way. But for those who are interested in sorts of, you know,
some form of halau premarital dating, that that's here that is here.
That is when you can have a marriage. It's not premarital, by the way, because you're married, it is kind of pre consummation pre moving in
dating, that should should only be here, that is not here, that is not here. And certainly not here.
But it is only here between this and this. So to get contracted that this doc
right to have the ark, the Ark is a contract, contract of marriage had an investment will be either quote McAfee by some scholars Award and the cap by other scholars will
pertain to
by other scholars would pertain to the consummation of anyway, we do have different
steps in the gap.
And we have conservation
moving in together.
This is when you can have a lot of liberty to get to know one another. Better. Keep in mind that at the end of all of this
Once you get married,
you may still find out that you have not really gotten to know him or her.
Because there are lots of things that will only appear after conservation after you move in together, after you become partners in this
you know, Corporation.
Yes.
Before the engagement and after, after the engagement, too, it's not permissible for them to be alone.
Yeah, that is why I keep on saying that the engagement is not any.
It is not partial marriage, it is not minor marriage, it's nothing, it will only allow
looking.
That's it.
Okay, I said family, friends, people, because in the in the safest most appropriate is in the presence of family members. But doesn't that does not mean by the way that the family members would be hovering over them all the time, it just means that you're not at home. So they could be in a room. And then you could excuse yourself and step out, you're not gonna close doors or anything. So it is not seclusion, by the technical definition of seclusion. But you're just giving them a little bit of room. So you could go out and mind your business, and do anything and allow them some private time, but it is in the presence of family because they are here at home, in the presence of family.
So it is not like the family member is hovering over, or sitting, you know, two feet away from the husband, or in the middle is going
to happen this way. You're just in the presence of family without seclusion.
Suddenly, versus there's people who don't have family etc. Friends, when you know, do you cannot arrange for a friend to come with you. a public place will do.
Yes,
that's true, except that for one who is proposing to a woman, he is entitled to looking at
more than what she would usually show.
But that is limited to you know, had neck, hair, that means the hair in the neck, you know the hands and feet.
And others only in the belly must have also because on the other hand, she does not show the food, she doesn't show that. Yes,
people does not have to be Muslims,
which stops the consultors.
know if she cannot see another sweater, and this is the next one. The next one, she cannot see another suitor after she
basically approves of the engagement until she gives him her word of when she could be looking for other suitors. And
you keep in mind that they keep on talking about arranged marriages and arranged marriages. This is not really arranged. This is very, you know, to go through the Islamic steps is basically very thought out marriage It is very well informed marriage. Because before you move to this consummation, you have enough exposure, you have enough interaction. But at the end of the day, keep in mind that he could be living together. You know,
in the mainstream culture. He could be living together for seven years and then they move in together and get married.
And then the divorce in the first year. Because the four is never like after
that marriage thing is consequential is
Big is consequential. So it could be living together and seven years, you already have two or three kids attending the wedding. And then they have a divorce in the first year.
So part of it is you have to rely on online to put your trust in Allah, you make your best judgment about this particular person being suitable or not, and put your trust in a lot of them. After the conservation, the good thing about Islam is that it does not like to enter this relationship forever. It is a failed relationship. It certainly tells you, you know, you have to keep it you have to be dutiful to it, and so on. But it doesn't matter. You lucked into this relationship. And that was part of the legislation. legislators are worried about
the permissibility of divorce. People nowadays in
the church have been fighting this for centuries. And they just have to give in no one listen. No one wants to stay in a failed relationship forever just to destroy everybody involved
in the sphere of relationships, so Islam says Don't you know, Sam says divorces happen.
By the way, which we'll come to the talk about.
plentiful. The force could be any one of the five values.
But for the food that is hard enough. And that is everything me is choosing
the form of
was converted, but he cycled with 100 feet on this one. The default for the force is impermissibility not not only
because of the harm that it causes to the divorcee, particularly we're talking about unjustifiable divorce. We're talking about the man decided that you know he loved affair I love He wants to try something else. So that and then he divorces you do you think that this would be just
high don't believe that? This would be hard on?
Because it is an unjustifiable divorce. It's an unwarranted and justifiable divorce. Yes.
Yes. So,
basically, whatever is covered in the physical in the real world is a diverse world, whatever is going on in the real world is hard on in the virtual world.
So you can have Skype talks,
or Skype
conferences meetings with
you know, ear, ear,
ear, you know, after getting contract with you can travel together, we said this, he could have seclusion could travel together, there is only a promise that he would not consummate the marriage.
But, you know, you could basically exchange,
affection, and travel together and things of that nature. It's just that you're not having intercourse, before consummation and moving.
Here, here, the first word you could have, you know, video conference and things of that nature. And she wouldn't be able to show the same thing that she was showing in the real world.
If if that is secure, and I'm not really an IT expert, I don't allow my family, even if they have a discussion with me, too.
Because I have this like paranoia in front of the virtual world. But I will not allow my family to take off their job, because I don't know who else is looking when we're having a bit of like a Skype
sort of chat. But if it is secure, let's say that there is no one else looking then it would be the same thing as in the real world.
And depends on your comfort level with the person work.
Can we exchange pictures? Yes, you could exchange pictures but in this case, also
depends on the amount of security. So when it comes to the Skype and the pictures and so on, stick to the majority stick to the Hanafi Maliki
position, which is also a position within the mouth, we're talking about the face and hands only
limit that 100 value position to where there is actually a real meeting and a physical place that is controlled.
have her go. And then a suitor came in. She wanted to show him how she looks, how she would look at home.
ready position may be
an
idea if you try to see, etc, at least from what I understand. How about like this close, maybe medical condition, maybe legal condition in the country, maybe an actual condition that has to be exposed something like this? Is there any obligations? Or it's just a sample of like you see me like this? And don't worry about like my legal status?
Okay.
That's a good question.
Certainly, if you lie lying around, right?
She is not asking the appropriate question, or he is not asking the appropriate question. How much do you need to disclose without the other party asking?
You don't need to disclose much without the other party asking they need to ask unless, unless there is something that is consequential, materially consequential to the
essence of marriage itself. If you have HIV, you need to disclose
if you are incapable of verifying relations, for some reason or another, into school stuff, that isn't materially consequential to the essence of marriage.
So you need to disclose it without being asked.
But if it is not materially consequential for the essence of marriage, what marriage is about, then the other party needs to ask questions.
And you do not need to disclose
voluntarily.
We're talking about you do not need to show Do you? Absolutely.
Is it better? Is it
more female, graceful, gracious, can the
appropriate all of that? Absolutely, you should let him know as much as possible about you. So that this decision is a well informed decision.
Let us say you have
seizures.
Do you have to tell your wife that I have seizures seizure disorder?
would be a good idea because she could be frightened.
sees but
but do you have to know because it is not materially consequential to the essence of marriage?
Should you Yes, because
it is something that put yourself in a place would you be interested in knowing beforehand in the you know, the other party has seizure disorder, diabetes, something about nature, as far as the financial status you don't need to tell. But that is that is very
expected and I can't imagine that in our times. There will be a woman that will not ask you about your financial status.
That
is the problem is
that we don't
even look at is disqualified from the victim. So he wants to at least get in and then explain why and
i
i personally felt like if this happened to my daughter, I would be very
the more the more you
know
something special about health is
expected healthy person. So if somebody has a seizure has diabetes and heart
disease, the children so why you should disclose this? Otherwise, we're getting a defective product.
I said you should.
I said you don't have to
shove does not mean that you have to. And this is part of the purpose of the introduction, I explained the introduction. When we say, in Arabic, don't we have two different words? You have? Bobby? Bobby Yeah, the door. Yeah, these are sure. Yeah, did not
okay. So, it is not must, because if I say most of it, I have to produce a proof
like proof, no obligation, and there is no proof unless, unless it is materially consequential to the marriage and the essence of marriage itself.
But
this case, because we will come to the chapter of usability and fixing the defects that will result in a moment in the art, this color is not to overlook the subject, there are defects that will result in the right to annulment, the right to anonymous is fast, it is not divorce, it is as if it never existed. So it is as if the contract was enhanced, in consequential void if there were defects that were hidden, that are substantial and very consequential to marriage, but having been diabetic, is not one of those.
So
it is certainly better. And the more transparent those processes, the better it is. Let me just finish the one thing so that we could take a little break. The one thing that I wanted to end with is
Dr. Bach, and do I need to go like in too much detail about this country's
a woman is married for four reasons. You know, the beauty, the lineage, the wealth, candreva Geocities, America religious women that you may prosper. This week is self explanatory. And as we said that what you will be looking for is everything else, first of the phenomena itself. So that the final decision is made on the places out now, I like how she looks, I'm okay with her family. You know, I don't care if she makes money or not for if I care, she makes a lot of money. Happy with all of that. Then, you know, I asked about our religion she is so that I could make my final decision based on religiosity, rejection or acceptance could be based on religiosity. Can you flip
this? Is it applied both ways? Absolutely. It was up to
the woman will accept
the one that he's comfortable with what what may be a little bit problematic in flipping this. The criteria making them applicable to him and also his hobbies were the profits on the line sometimes.
Is that would you like to follow
if you
If someone that you're comfortable with is DNS manners comm proposed to you then
sort of give him your policies that is your own under the water under aircare giving you a protege marriage, less it will be much corruption on Earth.
It mentioned two criteria only two criteria only. So does that mean that the first one that knocks the door who fulfills satisfies the two criteria? You can? You have to say yes to Him? As a woman? No, it is not. Because the hobbies of
love your loved one, when two men propose to her, and the profits of the loss of an advisor, canario Salah, what did he say about Mali? He said he beats his wives beats women. So don't marry him. And he said about Malia,
Malia, he has broke he doesn't have any money. So that is not Dean manners here. You know. So you could say that eating sugar is not good manners. But what about the money? He said to her don't marry and he's broke?
So that indicates that No, she's not actually she does not have to say yes to the first doctor, or the first suitor that comes by so she she has the right to basically look at everything else. But the
the
all of these things are matters of what matters or preference and things the Prophet is saying that the things that should make you reject the proposal, in principle, are good enough.
That would make you not entertain the proposal are that Ian Hello, Tina, manners, credit geography Americans. So if there is room is just in manners You're in for cleaning the proposal. But then if she doesn't like how she looked at how he looks, he she is impacted, say no, as much as he's entitled to picking the woman who whose appearance is desirable to him. So she is entitled to all of that. But in principle, you will not reject any proposal, unless there is a problem with the quality that you should not entertain the proposal to begin with.
Then we'll stop here and then we'll just come back not for
too long, again, so long to talk about the second proposal in getting multiple proposals at the same time. And we'll come back in 10 minutes
or so, now, there is plenty more. So, we were done with part the first part of the bundle we have two points to discuss about.
One of the two points is the multiple proposals or proposing to owner that have been proposed to before and the last one is which woman can you propose to in terms of the women that are in the waiting periods? Can you propose to them or not.
So,
what I often
use Can I rely
on a physical tip
one after the other our fiscal tip
was why
it does not die after he does not propose.
He
does not propose
fitbits Yaki
means here after
means that
usually hear means after principal tip that proposal has one of his brother
in law except
except if
he was not accepted or he was not
he has not been accepted accepted, he has not been accepted
if he has not
accepted
us can you know what second means
Salford settlement setup. So, they did not settle,
they did not show him that they are they have settled for four.
This is this is certainly a matter of consensus, but when is the when does it become a matter of consensus that is after the acceptance not before?
Not before. Now these you have these here in front of you is from a Korean Muslim up about an hour from the prophet SAW that he said what I have to
tip
them.
So, for the thing that he says basically the same meeting here, but at the end prior to consulting until the one who proposed beforehand, let's go
out
or it gives him permission. So he lets go or it gives him permission. So it is very possible that he would say, you know, I proposed to that woman she's a great woman, but in case she refuses me, why don't you go I can propose to her as well, because you want the best for your brother as well.
No, she is not forbidden from accepting proposals unless she had shown to the first one acceptance. So she said to the first one, okay, we're wearing gays, you know,
he went, everybody is knows now that for Lana, x woman is not too bad for them is the fiance of
this. Now.
Up until that point, multiple proposals could be made.
And multiple proposals could be made on which basis
in which
two men propose to her the Prophet came and said to her, don't marry a Muslim he beats women. Don't marry Morrow and he's broke. He doesn't have money. Marios
can and then if we say that this is if we say that the profits are set up for betas from doing this, then
it would be even worse to approach a woman that is already married, which some people do
nowadays.
to approach a woman that is already married is actually a great sin. And would be it would qualify as a Kabir because the prophets had placed them in the mesa meaning that once would qualify as a can be nice when he's not one of us.
He is not one of us, who turns a woman against her husband
who turns over against her husband
placed them in
jail.
This was reported authentically by
many authenticated
ladies
is not one of us who turns a woman against the Muslim beep is to ruin her for him, basically.
And certainly the worst way of me
Who's to propose to her to convince her that you should divorce him so that I marry you
even applies to the woman that is
the woman that was divorced in her waiting period, if the divorce was not a finalized divorce, as we would come to see. So now
for
her to be accepting proposals, she's forbidden from this as a woman, you know, as a married woman, if she is basically accepting proposals or showing that he is accepting proposals from Eric woman could be doing this
because he may be interested in you know, having something different. So,
he certainly is, another could be another enormity is the profits of loss
in hobbies, so band which is reported back to music, and
human writing,
about configuring messing around right.
Whenever a woman asks her husband for a divorce, without he just trying hardship, in progress, a paradise is forbidden to her. Whenever a woman asks the husband for the force, without justifying hardship, the fragments of Paradise will be forbidden to her
a lot when you're writing a book see.
So, this is very serious business, you know, to
question regarding the proposal,
what if the person doesn't know that already has a proposal or is it obligation to find out?
So, I see somebody
No, it was not an obligation to find out of the woman have been proposed to the foreign lot, but it will be known and if it is not known, then you will basically go and speak with someone and they will tell you
where you're going and you know, tell them that I want to come and visit you at home
someone will tell you along the way.
She is October
she is
so that that is that and I think that this is self explanatory it is but it is very serious business. It is a very serious business there is nothing that that is more harmful to the fabric of the society than competing for spouses
isn't
clear not rational or not that nothing when they are part of the fabric of the society and earth brotherhood between the believers then competing for spouses
then in
law Civil Procedure who the fifth
fifth bar by the way is the right word hope bomb means the Speech and Drama
is engagement.
Data where Jews have received the fifth button better and faster fare poor latter 14 you've been upset What if he missed the killer? It was what I just want to see who the central Lattimore
Okay
they are Jews or Jews it is not permissible and it is not permissible
the skills
to openly propose
explicitly openly or explicit to explicitly or openly propose
for
that opening proposed to a market that market that means what a woman in her waiting period
in
a woman in her waiting
period
where Jews edifice permissible and miserable at the media to imply to hand insinuate infer
and
proposal defense Party and the proposal
to unpack gun
ban means what? There are two different types of divorcees a bad idea. And back end N
means that before c who has the law to finalize the force
ban is a woman that had the final lies,
divorce, sometimes they translate this as revocable and irrevocable, that's what not be a good translation. Because the word you will understand this, the word the area of workable divorce, that some people use, or the word or in vocable divorce that some people use may indicate that if I take her back, that divorce does not count it counts, she got divorced ones would count against you as one. So the word re vocable would infer that if I take her back in the waiting period, the divorce did not count it counted by agreement.
So that is why it is better to say finalized and finalized and we will come to discuss all the clips of divorce and when it was finalized, and when it is unfine alized. And when it is finalized before the end of the period.
It is always finalized after the end of the period, right, because when she ends her waiting period that's finalized, divorce, finalized with recourse with our three courses of differentiation, which is a big one on Cobra
finalized our three course is after the third the divorce, the Cobra finalized, wizardry course is before the third divorce was over.
So the word finding allies is better. But there are so many types of would come to this when we come to discuss divorce. That is the one who had a finalized divorce. So he would say fair poll, he would say he would say
lot of routine enough so
I'm gonna translate this.
It was
okay. You would say don't marry someone else. You know, I translated the meaning because it's really very tough to translate it verbatim. How would you translate the verbatim?
Yeah, okay.
Don't leave me behind.
Don't ask me out.
Thank you.
Okay. Or he would say in the Venus Leakey olahraga. I have I am interested in someone later.
You, can you because this would be ultimately proposing interested in someone
like you.
Okay, well that was Alec and the likes.
So what does this show you it shows you like what we learn from this is that there were seas and Windows as we said last time, they work desirable, so desirable by the companions, that they did not even wait for them to finish their waiting period.
So
which which is, which is a sign of the health of the community, because, you know, those divorcees and widows are not treated like undesirable suitors or partners, they were very desirable that they competed for them.
I was
backing away from FEMA, welcome
to ps4 sequel, which is the basis of this of the rulings concerning this issue is a person to put up a bucket or a park with a person sort of Bukhara, it is in front of you what I do not like the model,
how to feel fuzzy calm, and there is no translation here would be and there is no set on you, if you make a bit of betrothal, Horton, seal it in yourself. This him this area by agreement applies to which women,
widows, by agreement applies to widows in the waiting period, which used to be four months, then then they days or
until childbirth. So, but windows used to wait for months and 10 days, and then you're afraid that someone will beat you to her. So her husband died. So after
a couple of days for this, you know, consideration.
And then you go and tell her
you tell her this, you tell her someone like you would put
would get married in a blink of an eye, you tell her something that indicates interest that is in direct, indirect, out of respect for the fact that she's in her waiting period, and then direct so that she doesn't she's, you know, you think about this is you have to really think about the wisdom and the beauty of these legislations because she is emotionally unstable. A lot wanted to give her a period to get her act together to get her emotions together, before she feels pressured into another marriage.
Now, she cannot tell you yes, marry me, she has been barred from those because a lot of wanted her to get herself together first and then you will propose him directly she will not she can she cannot you know accept a proposal you can ask her see, someone else will propose it directly. So at the end of the four months and 10 days, she knows that these people are interested, yes, this may be suitable, maybe not suitable. I should wait around a little bit more I should get married now. But Allah tells us that, you know,
you should have clearly openly explicitly proposed to her because she seems to take her time.
A mind that other wisdoms you can never say that this is the wisdom of that legislation, because you are not Allah.
And Allah only knows the complete wisdom of the legislation, but you could reflect on potential wisdoms as a human being.
So that that is an extremely wise ruling.
But this applied to widows we have
we have with us and we have divorcees
and now we're talking about proposing in the waiting period, the
The topic now we're talking about proposing to a woman in her waiting period.
She is one of two things, we do differ C, therefore, C will include amendment and all of these issues.
But her husband has either died or separated from her. Yes.
Sure, she doesn't want to be with them anymore. They go to the man, the man is because of the
man not really wanting to divorce what I'm
saying I want nothing to do doesn't want divorce. She says, I want to be divorced, that says, you have to go to the court first get to the court first. And then you bring your paperwork, and then on divorce you in terms of
what is what would be the voice in the courthouse or putting in applications and
legal processes takes six months, a year a year.
So the man give her a divorce.
Okay, so from the time the man gives her the divorce. And in these cases, it would be like under the assembly of Muslim jurists of America,
who have a family code that will be published online, that has basically all the laws, particularly you know, crafted for Muslims living in the West, with all the sensitivities, taken in consideration, and all the peculiarities of the Muslim condition, or situation in the West taking consideration. So we have lost the quote for family laws that could be used, and it is made like
in clauses, League of clauses, like laws are written, so that it is easy for the individual practicing the man to look up things and to take to follow.
Look after this when it comes out when it gets published, because we're already done with the review and every second, it will be published. So
in that,
you know, family law
for quota family laws,
we said that it would be very, very encouraged, you know, helpful to have parents of arbitrators versus singling
in matters of divorce, particularly when you went wanting forced divorce, because he vows or do not act, the same jurisdictions, like judges in Muslim countries did not have a symbol for it at the top have the same power, the same
level of acceptance, like judges in Muslim countries, if you are upset with a judge, judge. But for humans, it is best that you have a panel of two or three names
sitting God pieces of this nature, to avoid contention in the future, particularly between the husband and the particularly
Having said that, when that panel for, you know, capitalism, simply round, it's likely to recommend that but that panel or single a man gave her a divorce from the time that mmm gives her the divorce. She counts the waiting period.
She was not living with a man for six months. That's fine. She still counts from this day. It is not about living with them. Because the fact that they are married is what matters, not whether they're having American relations, because people cannot judge who's having, you know, judges cannot really figure out who's having American relations or not. So the rulings are not tied to having marital relations. The rulings are tied to the state of marriage, the state of being married. So from the end of the state of being married, which is the divorce that is pronounced by the husband, or enforced by the court for the panel of arbitrators, she counts and we can hear now oh
This covers because this area pertains to the widows agreed by consensus that you can hint a proposal to whether you can hint explicitly no para for any woman in the period, but in the control scope proposal to Windows by consensus. Now there were seats are of two types.
One is about a year
and one is Alabama and we're talking about divorcees that are sitting there waiting period and Roger is the one who has
none or on on finalize divorce she is in her waiting period after the first or second divorce that is not hold that is not in exchange for compensation or she gives him the mark and war and walks away.
That is
the one with um, finalized divorce is that is the one with finalized
divorce.
So it is which one after the third divorce after the third divorce she is
she isn't in waiting period. But her divorce is finalized Meaning what? There is no right of Raja for the husband, there is no right for they can hear back that means taking her back, we could translate it as restoration of marriage for the husband he doesn't have that right.
Okay. So now this bear in
by consensus and this is a sign of consensus.
by consensus, and not a you cannot hint anything to her. That whether
by consensus, you can hang a proposal to her
her husband to divorce during the first slide, she is in her waiting period. If you report if you indicate anything to her, if you imply infer insinuate that is
Kabir because you're ruining the woman, for her husband? And
how can I
know how can people lie and Steven to do all of these things. So the person like her, basically coworker,
she knows that her husband divorced her. And he tells her that someone like you would be desirable,
comes in extends condolences to her at home, or he meets her out in the market because she went out to bring in food or something like this. And he takes the chance to tell her that he's interested.
It is now a good thing, but it is. But for the way, the way it's different. From the way the way is acceptable. It was permissible. But for
the one was unfamiliar lies divorce a woman after the first or second divorce but who is in her waiting period, the housewife is entitled to restoration of the marriage without her approval. And without a new contract. And without adultery. This is basically a restoration, the restoration of the part of your job because a loss of about two and a half to get up in the bed. And their husbands have the entitlement to take in her back Valley in that period, which was that waiting period
is when you have this disagreement here. So by consensus by consensus, and usually when you're studying studies from the margins and go inward, because there's always the you will, you will
most often find out
greement on both sides, both margins, extremes, and you will work your way inward to figure out that this agreement. So that is extremely important to know when they agreed. They agreed on this extreme, agreeable, extreme, you know,
have been the middle of the disagree. So the extremes here are the widows, they agreed that you could hinge the proposal to her, and her waiting period could
realize divorce, he agreed that he can map in a proposal for her in her waiting period, too bad looks like this in some way, and looks like this in some way. And that is when the text of revelation assignment, and that is when it's the hab is excusable, the text of revelation addressed widows in particular, this one is considered
a married woman still until her divorce is finalized, she is still as eligible until her divorce is finalized. So the text of revelation addressed to her the text of revelation stayed silent on this one finalized divorce.
Because she looks like someone who whose husband died because that husband has no
he cannot take her back.
He can he cannot, he doesn't have the power to take her back. And she looks like this one because her husband is filthy. So he never
said what you cannot propose to her. Why? Because it's what resulted in contention between the believers because even though he was incapable of taking her back, she's still in her waiting period from Batman and to be offensive to that possibility that you're proposing is different See, in her waiting period.
Okay, if you don't play with us, and that is the reason why.
Like it is
just like
a non semantic and stuff.
And after that said that he can propose to her because her husband cannot take her back. Yes.
There is no explicit proposal that is permissible to any woman in her waiting period, period.
Yes. So this proposal, again, follow the same category as the previous proposal to talk about Meaning, if I know there is a widow, and she is in a waiting period.
I want to give her again, but if I know somebody else gave her a good quality, can I do?
A proposal?
If you know the woman has a proposal, you cannot give a proposal.
And this period, she can take 127 proposals, because she would never be able to show acceptance of anyone. She would not be a fiance when she is in her waiting period. She will have to wait after the waiting period. So basically 200 people could hint to her that you know, we're interested when you're done with the waiting period, we will formally propose Can you could accept and you can become a fiancee.
Yes.
When you propose to a woman
requirement
when you propose
when you divorce a woman
Okay, so when a man divorces his wife or when a woman, you know gets a call from her husband. Should there be witnesses
Or is that what you're saying? Like people
the weaknesses are recommended, according to the vast majority obligatory in the case of Raja restoration, according to a small minority position in the house chef and a position in Betty Mazda,
both according to the agreement of Addison that it is not mandatory in divorce. So
take a one day one divorce by not given to understand having witnesses is recommended, not obligatory.
The woman is never divorcing the husband.
Okay, but
but you could divorce them by the way.
No, she could divorcing it if he gave her the right to divorce according to
position and particularly in the home betting method.
But it's a controversial issue.
Not absolutely wrong. But this is basically some of the scholars said that this is not that she's divorcing him. She is she's been giving the power of attorney
to initiate the divorce. And that is his own entitlement, his own right. But he made her an agent. So she could divorce herself from him as his agent.
But the woman can obtain holder.
And we will talk in the chapters of divorce and cola about the wisdom of legislation here and why is it that the divorce was given to one party and not to the other party, but the other party was giving
like an alternative route to seek separation.
But no witnesses are needed. no witnesses are needed in the folder that is agreed to by the man.
So if she wants color, and he tells her Give me my mother back, and I will give you a divorce and she gives them as monitor back. He gives her a divorce that is called further.
no witnesses are needed.
But the enforce corner. You don't need witnesses, but you need a judge
to enforce it.
to enforce the whole
Yeah.
But it is a it is a form of cola because it was public Felipe. Mahalo, I follow him.
But he is
he will get one. But this is a different story.
What color have men who are out of luck ha ha ha ha men who he gives her a color that is in return for an exchange for the delivery. So the color the forces the color in this case, who am i is a form of divorce. According to the majority, it is a divorce. It is just a divorce in exchange for money. Now, it is called the trust. And there is controversy within
what color is a form of divorce. So the difference is that divorce is without compensation invader. And Hala is with compensation which is 30 turns 30 back to him and to give up her financial rights if he demanded that.
So so in this case when the hardcopy forces holder in return for the gallery, or forces of divorce, when the copy forces the divorce, not in return for anything because the body finds her request for divorce to be warranted because he abuses her in one form or another. He could do this. But if he does not find her request for divorce were entered. And she insists that she cannot live with this man. Then there is this controversy whether the caddy could enforce the whole law
even though her request is unwarranted or not and
In the position that we were considered to be stronger in this book, we will give the body the right to enforce the whole law, even though the request is unwarranted. But in this case he's enforcing
hold up that I will be enforcing paluch in return for a compensation, basically use it for some color, because there is a compensation because she will give him the dowry back.
Because if he's enforcing the law palapas Aveda Pollack is without compensation, but he's the year enforcing an exchange. He's telling her give him is already back. He's telling him she's divorced.
So that means he's enforcement quitting, yes,
it
would fall under this one.
Because it will give you a back and pull up a finalized divorce meaning the husband has no right of
restoration.
That is that is the different story but with recourse without recourse, the with recourse is when he has the right to initiate a new contract.
So he proposes to her like anyone else
without recourse is when he does not have this right after the third divorce, he doesn't have the right to even initiate. He's not like anyone else he's forbidden to her, he divorced her three times, out of all the people that can marry her this particular one cannot marry.
Yes.
Restoration of marriage, it is obligatory according to the weaker position. And when I say the weaker, I am using the terminology, the technical terminology, it is not the weaker To me, it is basically the weaker to the
main scholars of
my my own position, I will explain I will point it out. Because it's not wrong to have your own position. And it is not arrogant or proud to have your own position, he will at the end of the day, everybody has their own position.
But when you use this term, the terminology of the weaker position in the stronger position, you're using the terminology according to the scholars have the most up unless you clarify that you're talking about yourself. So the default is that I'm using their terminology. So I could say the weaker and this is not the weaker to me. Okay, so the weaker position in the Shafi and many men have that having weaknesses, the restoration is obligatory, the stronger position and the safaree. And the family mother, as well as the former position of the
Hanafi math hubs is that restoration does not require witnesses.
Why is that? When Allah said, once you do that, why are the men come and have to
trust worthy witnesses?
You know,
witness that. Why is it so because they said that this command means preference, not obligation, because this is the right of the husband. This is not a trade, where we're exchanging things that are not within
your trade where you're giving me money, I'm giving you a property so we have witnesses,
because
you're not entitled to my money unless I give it to you or your art modified with your property unless you're willing to give it to me and so we need two witnesses. But here, the husband has the authority of restoration,
because he is still within the waiting period. He does not need witnesses to may take note of him exercising his authority, his right.
As a husband.
Why is it important for him to have witnesses, because if he took her back and the waiting period ends, and she denies that he took
back, we will believe her not believe him if he did not have witnesses. So she will say no, he did not take me back. And my waiting period is done. And I don't want them anymore will believe.
Okay?
same format once there is a controversy over this, but the fear of a stronger position is that the single law is what is is the son of the law.
The controversy here is
that you have to save a lot three times, because if he saved a lot, three times, you're making the divorce finalized, without recourse from the first disagreement. So you guys are dealing with your wife. And if you are basically this the divorce are three times you're making it without recourse. So who would put himself in such, you know, hardship?
Not having the option to go back to reconsider.
And then we will come and talk we will come to talk about anything Mia's position on the three composite prologue for the three fold prologue, which is the position of most of the laws in most of the Muslim countries uphold. Now, most of the laws in the Muslim countries, particularly the countries are aware of their laws, Syria, Jordan,
Egypt, Saudi Arabia, those countries, they uphold the permanent amias position that the three fold composite divorce counts as one.
But historically, that is a minority position. The majority position is that the three fold composite the force will count as three.
Okay.
Yes, so that would be the disagreement. We'll go over. We covered about chapter of divorce because it's such a huge one, and we have to look at the evidences and historical background. But this would end the chapter on engagement. And the chapter engagement is interesting because people think particularly interesting engagement and marriage,
particularly engagement.
In the future, we will try to cover more