Giving Advice Part 2 of 2

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Haleh Banani

Channel: Haleh Banani

Episode Notes

Learn critical methodology in giving advice such as: building rapport, asking questions, taking your time and making dua.

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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common thank you for joining me today. Last week I was talking to you about getting dour data which is to call or invite others, which also implies to teach to encourage and correct others, I mentioned how important it is to understand the psychology of the person and to know how complicated and, and complex individuals are. So to keep their background in mind to see where they're coming from, and that will affect the way that you approach them. So they're considering their educational background, their ethnicity, the experiences they've had in their life will tremendously affect them. So we can't have a pre programmed message where we in our mind that we press, with each person

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that we meet, we need to tailor ours our for each person custom make this hour see where they're coming from, and try to approach in a way that will that they will be receptive to it. And I've mentioned to you the reasons why we should even gift our many people may think that, you know, it's not my business, and why should I be doing this, I'm not a chef, or I don't know how to do it. And we were talking about how important it is there were four reasons of giving Dawa one was because God told us to and that's that's a way of us taking care of one another. We can't just be focused on ourselves and our own life and our own families, and forget about the people around us. So this is

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one way of taking care of the community. The second is to ensure that your your draws your supplications are answered. Third was to improve the online that if we are if we are aware of what people are doing, and if someone is going astray, we pull them back. And we encourage them and we prevent them from taking the wrong path. This way it improves our whole our our nation. And lastly was that with with the dour comes accountability that we are required to approach whether it's our neighbors, our classmates, our co workers, our our colleagues at school or at work, and so we, if we don't, then we're going to be held accountable. I was talking about the most important thing in the

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methodology of doing Dawa is to build rapport building rapport is establishing a friendship getting to know the person. And once you do that, it will be so much easier and people will really open up to it. And asking questions, find out how long they've been Muslim for find out the classes they attend and what books they read. This will give you some information so that you don't just go and give any person like this one basic data was it can't be done like that. It's not a one size fits all. And when we have the questions when we have a person's background, then we're much better able to tailor it according to their needs. They always have to keep in mind that we take our time that

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we don't rush and we don't make anyone feel feel pressured in any way because each person needs to have their own sweet time to develop and to blossom. It's also very critical to make the offer the person that you're giving Dawa. To that never underestimate the power of dogs. This is basically what we covered last week as far as Dawa and this week I'm going to talk about some of the characteristics to have in giving Dawa and it's so critical to have sincerity. Sincerity was one of actually the prerequisites to have and it's when you have sincerity the person will feel it and if we are sincere and we do it solely for Allah and Allah will actually put the words in our mouth and

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this is the most amazing thing is that sometimes I've experienced being asked the question, and in the past I hadn't maybe reflected on it and right then it's like Allah inspires you will God will give you the tools and the way to mention it. And so when you have the sincerity the path will just open up. Second is to be very non judgmental, not to judge the person and we mentioned this last week as well. As I say the more accepting you are of the people around you, the more receptive they will be but if you are harsh, judgmental and everything is black and white, and use

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start criticizing and categorizing. And this will just be so defeating, no one is open to that is actually becomes a form of attack. And when someone feels attacked, then they will naturally become defensive. So, if we can approach everyone that we meet with as a bundle of potential as someone that, that has so much capacity and that you can learn from them as well, this way, you always have the humility, and you are not in this position of being judgmental or criticizing in any way. As we approach people with love and compassion, then people will be affected, the hearts will be affected, because many times you find people who will go around and they are just out to tell everyone what to

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do. And these people are really not likely at all in the community, they're actually shunned. And so we don't ever want to be that kind of individual. We want to be able to do that in such a sweet and loving way like the examples of the Prophet peace be upon him. The way he handled so many different situations. May people made his enemies just become Muslim because he was so had such an exemplary character and so we need to try to implement that and emulate that. In service. Taha is number 44. Allah says altavilla Amen, man, I shake on everything. The smilla Rahmanir Rahim.

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Allah Allahu

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Allah, Allah Wa, tada, Cairo yaksha. That God is talking to Moses and Aaron, it says, Go both of you to Pharaoh, and verily he has transgressed and speak to him mildly. Perhaps he may accept admonition or fear. So here is the best of people, they were the prophets, Moses, and God is telling them to approach the person who has transgressed who has done everything wrong. And he's saying, approach him with gentleness and kindness. So, if Moses had to approach Pharaoh, with kindness, what about us? How should we treat our brothers and sisters in Islam? How should we approach our brothers and sisters in humanity? I think that whenever there is compassion, when, whenever there's compassion in

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the way you do things, then it will be received in such a better way. And it's critical to always be patient, and realize that there is no compulsion in religion ensuited Al Baqarah, Ayah 256, Allah says in the Quran lakra have been Dean, that there is no compulsion in religion, you can't force there's no pushing, there is no pressuring. So sometimes people get excited when there's a person interested in Islam. So they started applying some form of maybe pressure or encouraging a lot. And I think that we have to be really careful about that. give people their space, and allow them to take in the information and realize that it is Allah who guides It is God who guides the hearts of

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the people, and it's not you. It's not anything that you say or what you do. And and Allah says, in the Koran that you cannot guide whom you love. Allah guides who he wishes that you cannot just guide people that you love, because with the example of the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him, he wanted so badly for his, he wanted so badly for his uncle to take the Shahada, and yet, Allah was reminding him that you just give the message. That's all we're responsible and doing. The next important characteristic to have is to have wisdom. I can't emphasize this enough because there's too many people going around, lacking in wisdom and trying to correct people and I think that when we look at

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the examples of the Prophet sallallahu Sallam he is hikma wisdom and everything that he did in Sudan and Nash is 125. Allah says in the Quran solara Monterrey with Rowena Sabine erotica bill Hekmati. When now is it still has Santa, inviting invite all to the way of your Lord with wisdom and beautiful advice? So here it is. Allah is telling us that if you want to call someone if you want to correct someone, do it with wisdom, because if someone lacks wisdom, and I'm sure all of us have experienced individuals who don't have wisdom, and they try to correct you, and how, what a terrible impact it has. So if we look at the example of the Prophet sallallahu sallam, when he had a young

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man, a desperate young

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Matt approached him and he asked them, he said, please do so like can you please give me permission to foreign educate because I can't take it anymore and the Prophet sallallahu sallam, he didn't get angry. He didn't say what are you talking about? Happy to think says How could you say such a thing? He used wisdom and how did he use this wisdom? He asked him is like, would you accept this for your, for your mother? And he said, No, sir. Ally. So would you accept this for your sister to find okay? And he said, No. So realize like, Well, what about for your aunt? And again, he said, No, I would not accept it for my, for my mother, my sister for my aunt and, and the Prophet sallallahu Sallam

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said, no one would accept this for any of their family members, for their mom, and for aunt and for their sisters. And so the young man was so impressed by his wisdom and his mannerism, that he just totally, he totally changed. So I think it's so critical to use our wisdom in giving Dawa. And the last point that I want to say is being respectful. We always have to be respectful, and not to criticize not to attack, but respect the other person, respect their perspective, respect, where they're coming from, and even their religions, because if you start attacking, with their thinking that then they are in no way going to be receptive. So we discussed about some of the

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characteristics to have in giving Dawa and we're going to take a break now. And when we come back, I will continue in some of the methodologies.

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Don't satellite channel,

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satellite channel. Welcome back. In the first part of the program, I was talking to you about the characteristics to have in giving good advice. So some of the more is being patient, having wisdom, being respectful, non judgmental, and being very loving and sincere. When you have these characteristics, then you will be able to affect people's hearts without offending them in any way. The ways to give Dawa can be either direct or indirect. One of the most effective ways of giving Dawa is through your actions. I think, when we, we embody Islam, when we act acts in a very respectful manner. When we are kind and courteous and we have the characters that are impressive,

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that is the best way to affect people. And if you look at how Islam grew and how it expanded, actually, it was through the Yemenis businessman who were so respectful, they went to Indonesia. And they were so honest, they were so honest, and they're dealing so honest that when a person would come to them to see their merchandise, they would say, well, we have this, but the person next to us is selling it for less, they were so honest, and they're dealing that the entire country became Muslim. And right now, Indonesia is has the most number of Muslims. And it was all because of these businessmen who dealt with others and with fairness, with justice, and you see right now how, how

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corrupt it has become like in dealing with business, it's so hard to find someone who is trustworthy. So if we try to embody those characteristics, and we leave a positive impact in our all our dealings, then you can see that you'll have a positive impact. I have many friends who are more converts, and one of the ways that they affected their family was through being a better sister, a better daughter, a better son, however, they improved, it left a very positive impression. So we always have to think that our actions speak much louder than words. So it's not about sitting down and giving someone information or giving a lecture or, or any of these things. It's our action that

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affects people the most, and especially with our family. I think this is one of the best ways that we can impact them is just just to be a better person. It's simple as that. And the second way is by starting a conversation, I like to use the expression my mother uses she says spray a little Islam wherever you go. And she's really good about doing that. And if we get into the habit that no matter what the setting is that you just share a little something about Islam, especially when you are in a non Muslim country and you come across people attribute that

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Good things that you do to Islam, whatever it is that you are doing, whether you're volunteering or whatever it is that you're doing, try to attribute it to that. And striking up a conversation. You'll be amazed with what, what kind of connection you can make with people. having conversations opens up so many doors, you can start inquiring about what a person knows about Islam, if they have any questions many times. Here in Cairo, I see if I see a non Muslim and they're sitting next to me, for instance, like on the on the flies, I asked them, was there anything that you are curious about? Is there something that was a cultural shock to you? And they actually open up because many times

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people are reluctant to to approach someone and ask them? Like, why do you do this? Because they may feel that they might be insulting. So when you actually open up the conversation when you ask them, Do you have any questions? Were there any cultural shocks? And actually, they will start opening up and they'll wonder, why is it that woman cover? And why is it that you pray five times a day, and it just opens up so many beautiful doors and so many opportunities for you to explain certain things that were very puzzling to the person. The third way is by giving books and pamphlets, I have an amazing story to share with you, there was a student at the University of Houston who walked in to

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the Muslim Student Association office, and there was no one there. So what they did is they just picked up a pamphlet, I started reading it. And they were so impressed with this with the pamphlet, actually, I should state that she was a missionary. She was a missionary, she was on her way to Brazil to do missionary work. And she reads this templates, Panama, that she took her Shahada by herself after reading the pamphlet, because on the bottom of the pamphlet, it says to become a Muslim, you say these words, and that's all it took. And that is just incredible. And this young lady actually became one of my dearest friends and she became so strong in, in giving down to such

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an example in how she would just pass out whether it was books or pamphlets, or just by her, just by her attitude. She led so many people to slump. The fourth way is by giving current, I have a habit of asking people that I come in contact with I have, maybe they're from different countries, and I find out where they're from. And after I've spoken with them for some time, I asked, you know, what is it that you know about Islam? Do you have any questions? Would you like the Koran in your language, and I've done this for actually, a lot of Filipinos who have inquired, and they were curious to, to read it, I get it into Godot in their language, and pass it out. And, and hamdulillah

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that by the miracle of the Quran, how amazing it is, and when they read it in their own language, and then understand that, and hamdulillah several people have taken their Shahada by just simply by simply receiving the Koran and I think the example of use of Islam, who, whose brother was non Muslim brother gave him a gift, and the gift happened to be the Koran, and he was guided with it. And what's interesting that he always says is that and have the law that I learned about Islam before meeting the Muslims that he found the song so beautiful and so perfect, unfortunately, that the Muslims are not always perfect, and unfortunately, not always

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implementing everything that we need to so when when a person reads it and understands it, then it really, it affects the heart. So this is a beautiful gift to give. And most people are very open to it, I have found that most people are very receptive to receiving it just as a way to shed light. The fifth way of giving Dawa is to share stories to share things that have happened to you in your past, so that people can relate to you that you can let people know you notice maybe you are not always that practicing, maybe you didn't always dress properly or you didn't always pray or you didn't always do these things. And this whole let them relate to you because many times those who

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are not practicing may just assume they look at someone who is religious and assume that they've been like that all their life. But most of us most of us have gone through some kind of spiritual evolution of our soul and we have awakened and we have realized that we wanted to make changes in our life and change the way we do things. So when we share this with other people, when we say for instance, when I tell some of some ladies that I need to

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Especially if they're very much into, let's say, fashion or looks. And I, I felt that, you know, there was a time where I would spend an hour on my hair and makeup. And that was the most important thing to me. And they are suddenly able to relate like, Oh, so you weren't always trying to like you were not always in his shop. And then they kind of feel that, well, maybe there is hope for them that maybe they can make the change. And I think when we, when we share that, then we also show humility that that we are going through changes, and that there are times that we were not as practicing, and that we evolve. And so that that gives some hope to also evolve. The sixth way is to

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invite them to come to conferences, and classes, if there's anything going on in the in the neighborhood, or if there's a good conference coming up, and try to share and tell your friends to come I've had many incidents where when I bring when I bring in a friend or a family member to to attend the halaqa with me, then they are really affected. And sometimes they will be more effective by attending a class or a conference than you talking to them. Because sometimes individuals will not be as receptive maybe a spouse or, or a family member, they may not want to hear from you per se. But if you take them to, to a conference and maybe it's like a really like a famous chef that

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everyone likes, and he says that, then they may be more open to it. So encourage your friends and family members to attend the lectures and conferences. It's throughout all the all the Dow is all the techniques of giving Dawa, one thing that I'd really like to emphasize, is smiling, making sure to be very, very friendly, because sometimes people think that as they become more religious, they have to be very somber, and very serious. But yet the Prophet peace be upon him always had a smile on his face. And he told us that smiling is a form of charity. So when you smile to your brother and sister, then this is this is a form of charity. The next thing is being polite. And I experienced

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this Well, I lived in the states for 26 years. And anytime I was on the road when I was driving, I tried to be extra courteous, and very, very polite because I felt that I am representing Islam I am as you know, each one of us is basically an ambassador of Islam and the way we act, the way we drive, the way we talk the way we deal with business, the way we treat our children out in public, all of this, all of this is our and we may not realize and I tell my children that when when we go, let's say when we are in the States or in Europe, and I tell them that, you know, we are an example of Islam and the way you the Kids Act is going to reflect on Islam. So we always have to be

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conscious of this. And when we are, let's say a happy family. And we're getting along well, this is a beautiful form of Dawa. And if we keep this in mind, then we leave such a positive impact on others. The next thing is volunteering, if we volunteer our time, our money, our services, and go and get involved, whether it's a Muslim community or a non Muslim community get involved. And this would have such a powerful impact.

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And the last way is last but not final, there's so many more ways to do it. But these were limited on time. So one of the ways you can do Dawa is by being involved on Islamic website. I'm actually a psychologist for Muslim, for Muslim matters. It's an Islamic website and this listen matters.org and I write articles for them. And I think that if you have some talents that you could share, if you have a knowledge and you can contribute in that way, you will be amazed by the number of people you can touch by just simply writing an article or sharing an experience. So these are these are some of the ways that we can gift our whether it's through conversation, whether it's by giving books, or

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pamphlets, or, or simply just having a positive demeanor and being friendly and polite. I think that in itself in our action, how we we treat people, that was like the most powerful way of giving down. I think we need to just focus on these things because this is what has the most powerful impact on people is our action and our behavior. So I hope that each one of you sees himself or herself as an ambassador of Islam and tries to implement implement these things with each person.

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And that you come in contact with, whether it's the whether it's the clerk or whether it's the person at the barber shop or wherever you are looking at it as an opportunity to affect people and to share and spray a little Islam wherever you go, I have been receiving your emails and SMS messages with questions. And actually, these questions are leading me to do the program's designing the next episode. So many of the questions are very lengthy to answer. And so what I'm going to do is designate an actual episode and addressing them but there was one email that I'm going to address now from one out from Cairo. She asked about self confidence and self esteem, she said that she was

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not brought up with it, her parents didn't make her feel very confident. And so what can she do and I think the most important thing is to just say positive things about yourself many times we may make a mistake and we end up beating ourselves up and we can't do this you have to focus on your self talk what you say to yourself and and have internal validation internal validation where you're not looking for anyone else to say that you're doing a good job that you validate yourself that you say it to yourself, and I think this is one of the first steps in building your confidence. And also by getting involved with things that assures your success so get involved have little successes,

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things to feel good about so do things that will make you feel good about yourself. Only say things that are positive never say things that I'm so stupid Oh, I'm always so clumsy. Don't say these things. Get rid of them from your from your vocabulary and and try to create opportunities to feel good about yourself. I will continue taking in your questions and answering it in each program inshallah. So it's like a love affair. I still love it.

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