Forgiveness Part 1 of 1

Haleh Banani

Channel: Haleh Banani

Episode Notes

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Liberate yourself from anger, resentment and grudges by learning to FORGIVE. By freeing yourself from all the emotional baggage you can finally start to live your life happily.

Episode Transcript

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stelara mana Rahim Assalamu alaikum. Today I'm going to talk to you about forgiveness, because there may be some of you who have been lied to cheated on, and you may have been betrayed. And there may be a very deep emotional pain that you feel. And you're not sure if you can ever trust anyone again, you may have been physically abused by your parents or by a spouse. Or worse, you have been sexually violated by a person that you trust it, the scar has not healed. And you're not sure if you're ever going to be the same again, there are those of you who have been robbed, deceived and taken advantage of, and you're not sure how you're ever going to be the same again.

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When you are oppressed and someone transgresses against you it is very difficult. And it does take an emotional toll you feel vulnerable, scared and alone. And basically, you can make one of two decisions, you can play the victim role. And that is basically where you blame everyone else you may play, blame your parents, you blame society, you blame your culture, whatever it is, but you take the responsibility and put it on others. And then you can have a big pity party where you discuss and talk about all the pain that you felt, and have everyone feel sorry for you and you feel sorry for yourself. When you feel sorry for yourself. It's like taking around an emotional baggage. And

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just like it's exhausting to carry with you baggage or suitcases, it's the same thing. When you have emotional baggage, it weighs down on you and it starts making you feel very lethargic all the time. Sometimes individuals feel and it could be on a very subconscious level, that their pain or the oppression that they've experienced makes them unique in some way. And it could be on a very, like I said, a subconscious level. When I was working in the hospital, I found that individuals who are attending the group therapy session for severe depression, they took some kind of a pride in in the disorder that they had. And it was like it gave them a sense of identity. And they felt like they

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were competing and saying who has the worst depression. And they were feeling that this gives them some kind of uniqueness. And this is what happens when individuals get so immersed in, in feeling sorry for themselves that they actually feel that no one has it as bad as them. No one was oppressed as bad or no one is as depressed as them. And so this is the the nature of individuals who play the victim role. When someone is playing the victim role there is they harbored feelings of frustration, resentment, anger, and a lot of frustration. And there are many, many examples that I'm sure you know, in, in your personal life with maybe family members, with friends who have taken this on and

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you see how deeply miserable that these individuals are. Now you could take you could take the victim role, or you could choose to forgive and move on if you forgive and move on. That means you're taking responsibility. Yes, bad things may have happened to you. But you can take this situation and and turn it around. Because it's not the events in your life that shape you. But it's the meaning that you give to them. So if something happened to you, and you start making sense out of it and trying to use it in some way, then you're not going to play that victim role and you are somehow empowered by it because any situation that happens to us, strengthens us. As the saying

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goes, if it doesn't kill you, it makes you just stronger. These strong individuals who refuse to play the victim role, don't ever want to be pity. They don't want to pity themselves. They don't want to feel sorry for themselves and they don't want others to feel sorry for them. So it takes basically a decision to say that I will not allow these incidents in my life, whatever it was to to ruin me or to to make me sad and make others pity me. And it's just that decision that you have to make these strong individuals learn to let go and rise up. It's like

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Letting go of those emotional baggage is all that hurt all the pain and all those negative memories, they let go of it. And then it's like being able to rise up. Because all all of that will act like an anchor, it's an anchor, and it's going to make you drown basically, drown in your sorrows. But these individuals have learned to just let go. And then they rise up for air and they feel liberated. And there's so many examples and an inspiring story of Nelson Mandela, for instance, where he was imprisoned for 27 years, can you imagine that 27 years of your adult life being locked up for what because he asked for freedom, he wanted freedom for himself. And for his people. After

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experiencing so much oppression, and difficulties, he did not allow that to make him bitter or resentful. What he did is that all throughout the time that he was in prison, he learned to forgive, he forgave the very people who had oppressed him. And I think this gives us a very powerful message. Because no matter what kind of difficulty you've had, what kind of injustice that you have seen. Compare that to 27 years in prison. And you see that, even though your experiences may burn you from inside, but when you make that comparison, it makes you just be able to let go and be able to forgive and to rise above it.

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When you're able to forgive and rise above, the first thing you do is that you give a gift to yourself, because you're able to have peace within there is no longer this feeling of turmoil and anger, and bitterness, you're able to let go of all that. So it is like giving yourself a gift. Actually, in many of the 12 step programs, there's like the alcohol anonymous, and for individuals who are addicted to drugs or alcohol, there are these the 12 step programs to help them recover and overcome their addictions. Step number one is learning to forgive, to forgive the people in their past, whether it was maybe parents, maybe individuals who have abused them in any way, forgiving

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also yourself. Because sometimes you as an individual could make really, really bad mistakes. Maybe you were in La Jolla, maybe you didn't know any better. So you made some really bad mistakes, and you may have hurt people, you may have done really terrible things. So it's important that when you get to a stage, you're able to forgive yourself and move on. You do the Toba, you repent, you correct yourself and move on. There's never a need to feel hopeless and helpless. at any stage of your life, you can make that decision to change your life, regardless of what you've experienced, or what you have done. Because the door of repentance is always open. And you can always change your

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circumstances, what you choose, will affect every aspect of your life. So whether you choose to play the victim role, or you choose to forgive and let go, it will affect your attitude in life, your personality, what kind of person are you? Are you going to be that pessimistic, bitter person? Who's going to always feel sorry for yourself and, and bring everyone down with you? Or are you going to be an inspiration that look, this is the kind of background I had, this is the kind of things I experienced. And yet I rose above it, and I was able to do it and you empower yourself and you empower other people, it will also affect your relationships? How are you going to be with the

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people around you? Are you going to be suspicious of them always thinking that they're out to get you? Or are you going to be trusting? Are you going to be a giver? Or are you going to always withhold and put barriers around to as a form of as a defense mechanism. So the decision you make is going to affect your attitude. It's going to affect your relationships. It's also going to affect your opportunity and ultimately your sex, the success in life. Because if you have limiting beliefs, thinking that I had a bad path, I had these difficulties I was abused, then it may really put you may put yourself in these four walls and not ever reach your success. Or you can use this as a

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challenge and feel that you know what I am going to rise above this and I'm going to be a source of hope, not just for myself but for the people who witness me. Basically, playing the victim role makes you feel miserable.

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You become a lonely person and you won't, you won't succeed. If you decide to forgive and carry on and move on, you will be a much more peaceful person, you will be more capable of loving and having good relationships and basically attain the goals that you aspire for. Please join me after the break, where I will give you examples of our beloved prophets and how they were able to overlook and forgive and move on.

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welcome back, I was discussing how many of you may have had some very difficult experiences in your life. And this could lead to to making one of two decisions, but basically playing the victim role in your life, or forgiving and letting go. And we talked about how by making this decision, it will affect every aspect of your life, whether it's your personality, your attitude, your relationships, and ultimately your success in life. I'm going to give you some inspiring stories of our prophets, Prophet Joseph Yusuf Alayhi, salaam, his whole life is an example of forgiveness. If you look at the very early part of his life, he was taken by his brothers out of their extreme jealousy for him and

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they took him and threw him in a well imagine that they just wanted to do away with him. So look at the relationship that you may have with your sibling, some of you may be really mad at your your brother or your sister, you may be in feuds, you may have cut each other off. But I want you to compare whatever injustice that you may have experienced with that abuse of a salon, that he was thrown in a well to basically either rot or to die. And yet he was able to overcome this difficulty. After that he was sold into slavery, he was sold into slavery, he was wrongly accused, he was imprisoned. So compare that also to some of the injustices in your life where you have maybe burned

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this, these memories into your heart and you feel like it's so magnanimous and so difficult, but I just want you to make some comparisons. And once you do that, because it's very important in life, that we compare ourselves to people who are much worse off. So by making that huge contrast in your life versus someone else who has had it much harder, it makes you feel so much more grateful. And I think that we need to do this all the time, whether we're reading the Koran and comparing the stories of the poor on because they were sent all the prophets were sent, as an example, all the stories that are in the Koran, our lessons for us, they're the life stories of the prophets are

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lessons and we need to emulate them. It's not just something for entertainment or as a as something of it's not like history or entertainment. It is lessons and and Allah has chosen these individuals with these tests and trials, so that all of us with all the difficulties that we have, we could relate to them. They were not people who had who had it easy. And yet they had the strength of character and strength of faith to be able to withstand the challenges that they faced. Now, after all the challenges that use of Joseph on a Salaam went through, what did he do, he went and he was given, he was given power, he was given prestige. And because he endured everything with patience,

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there was never a time that he played the victim role. Even when he was in prison. He was he was content with his destiny. There was never a Why did this happen to me? Why does always terrible things happened to me and this is what a lot of people say is that there's this feeling of, Oh, it's always me, things never work out. And there's a hopelessness. And I think, as a believer, there is no room to be hopeless. We always have to be filled with hope and always feel that we have God in our life and that He will guide us if we if we persevere and we are patient, then everything will eventually work out in the end. And so when he was given this position, and he was had full power,

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and his brothers came to him looking for help, I want you to think about it for a second and put yourself in his situation. The individual who had wronged you would maybe try to keep

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kill you or had tried to ruin your reputation or try to steal all your money you're face to face with them. And you could really have let them have it. You could either rub their face in it or you could get angry, or you could somehow oppress them and try to get revenge. How many of us would have the strength of character not to take that on and to be able, like the Prophet, Joseph Yusuf Alayhi Salam be able to have the strength of character to be able to forgive What did he do at that moment at that moment where most people would want to just rub it in that person's face or let them have it? He said to them altavilla Jimenez shaytani r rajim Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim Allah Allah to

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three Bali como Leo Mayock federal law hula comb wahiawa, our hammer raw Hemi, which this translates to, there is no blame on you today. So he is basically forgiving them of everything. Allah will forgive you because he is the most forgiving. Now I would like to share with you the story of the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi salam, when he became a prophet, he was persecuted, he was ridiculed. He went through every kind of emotional, verbal, physical abuse you can imagine his uncle was killed, he had people around him who were tortured. He himself endured so many difficulties. And even though he was persecuted against and he was boycotted, where for years, the Muslims had nothing

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to eat, and they were going through such trials and tribulations. When the time came for Fatah Naka, and that was when the opening of Mecca he came in to Mecca, not as a brave warrior, not as someone who is feeling proud, he came on his camel and his, his forehead was bent so low that he was practically prostrating on his camel showing that and attributing all of the success to to, to God to Allah, and not to his own bravery or to his own courage. And this shows the kind of character that the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him had, he was humble, and he was in servitude to his creator. And when he came, he came and all of the flourish were there. And there was so much fear in

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the hearts of the Quraysh. Because they knew what they had done to the Muslims, they had persecuted them, they were torturing them, they had done so many things. So there was this feeling of projecting and which is a psychological term, where you start thinking about the other person of how you are yourself. So they were projecting, they were like, Oh, my gosh, if we were in this situation, we would really let them have it. And they were questioning, are we going to be executed? Are we going to be in prison? Are we going to be tortured? What is going to be our fate? And there was fear in their hearts and the Prophet salallahu alaihe salam, what did he do at that moment? He

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said to them is that I will say to you what Joseph la Sallam said to his brother, so with the same verse, the same mentality because this is a continuation of the message. And he said,

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This melodic minor Rahim, Allah, Allah tatry, Bali como Leo Mayock federal law, who lakum wa who are hamara ra Hemi, he said, no blame on you today. Go you are free, and that Allah is the most forgiving. So he just basically forgave them of everything. And he just let them go. He didn't imprison them. He did not do any retaliation. He didn't even remind them of what they had done. So this is a true example of forgiveness. And this is the kind of behavior that we need to emulate, we need to be forgiving. And if we think about how, how many mistakes we make on a daily basis, and how we would love Allah to forgive us, then we need to exemplify forgiveness because as we forgive

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others, that Allah will forgive us and we will be forgiven. But we have to have that in our hearts. There's another beautiful example of the Prophet salallahu alaihe salam, and how forgiving he was. He had a neighbor that every day when he was leaving his home, he would leave the profits are a salon, his garbage in his pathway. So every single day, imagine you're leaving your home and your neighbor puts all their trash and junk on your path. How would you handle that? How would you react to it? I think most of us would get very angry. We would complain we would go and tell the person off

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How did he handle this? He went to the neighbor's house when he saw that there was nothing left for him he there was no garbage in the path instead of just saying, Okay, good. This neighbor's madness has stopped. He went, and he knocked on the door. And when the man opened, he said, I was concerned about you. And I just wanted to see that what is wrong because you didn't leave me the same gift that you normally leave. So I just want to check and see if everything is okay with you. The man was amazed. He's like, only a Prophet would handle a situation like this. And at that moment, he took his Shahada, he became Muslim, and he said a shadow on Laila Malala. By shadow, Mohammed Abdullah,

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who would assume, and this is the character of the Prophet salallahu alaihe. Salam. Allah says in the Quran and sudut assura ayah number 37. What do you then part of the herbal homeopathic Fado on, that when they get angry, they forgive These are the people these are the people that we need to emulate that, if anything, angers them, if anything frustrates and they forgive. And we need to have this when we're dealing with our spouse, with our children, with our co workers, maybe our employees that if they anchor us in any way we need to be able to be forgiving, because this is the example that we need to follow the Prophet of the prophets example, because they were all sent down to us as

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a way to set an example and to teach us how to handle difficult situation. So in summary, we have seen that those individuals who have been wronged, abused who have been physically emotionally, psychologically or even sexually abused, they have two choices, you basically have two choices to make, you can either play the victim role, and just feel bad for yourself and feel miserable. Or you can choose to forgive and let go and you are giving yourself a gift because you give the serenity to yourself. And you're also able to have better relationships and move on. So if we implement this ability to forgive and actually this episode was just to get you inspired enough to want to forgive.

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And the next episode, I'm going to give you the how to how to forgive because many times we may get to a point where we want to forgive but we're not sure how. So we're going to talk about the How to next time So join me next time when I will talk to you about the ways of forgiving. Thank you so much as salaam alaikum

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