Giving Advice Part 1 of 2

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Haleh Banani

Channel: Haleh Banani

Topics: Education

Episode Notes

Giving advice to others is not a one size fits all. You need to tailor your comments based on the person’s background, education, emotional maturity in order to effectively influence him. Learn how to be the key that opens the hearts of the people.

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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satellite to

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family calm. Thank you for joining me today. Have you ever been in a situation where you see someone doing something wrong, it could be your friend, it could be a family, or it could be someone a complete stranger, someone you don't know. And you're caught in a dilemma, you're not sure whether you should tell them or you shouldn't tell them how to tell them what you could possibly do or say that could affect them in a positive way. Well, today I'm going to share with you some techniques, some ways of using psychology, in correcting and encouraging and teaching others human beings are extremely complicated, we have to look at a person's background, their history and see where they

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come from, because each person has their childhood, which could have been very turbulent, they could have had abusive parents, they there could have been a lot of a lot of turmoil in growing up. And that may cause them to be very resistant to any kind of authority figure. Other people were raised in maybe a dysfunctional home. And so all of these things affects a person's their personality, the way they view things, even their level of education and where they went to school, what ethnicity they were in, what country they grew up. So if we take these things into consideration, then you can, then you know how to approach the person, if you're totally oblivious to all of this, which

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some people are and what they have is a pre recorded message, where they just press play. And they let people have it, there's a pre recorded message in their mind. And regardless of who they come in contact with, whether young or old or what educational background, they just play that same message, and it's very, very ineffective. So we need to learn how to customize our data. And our linguistically needs to call or to invite, but it also implies teaching, encouraging, and correcting. So we need to custom make it it's not a one size fits all, it has to be custom made for the person that you're talking to. So the way you get to know the person is by asking questions, you

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can ask things such as how long have you been a Muslim, if it's a new Muslim, you find out how long they've been in Muslim, that is really critical, because one person could say, I've been a Muslim for 15 years. And another person could say I just became Muslim last week. So the way you would invite them or correct them would be completely different with the numerous and you would have to be so gentle, and so understanding and very, very gentle with how you handle them. And with the one who is experienced and knowledgeable, you could address them on a totally different level. If you need to follow up the questions with maybe what classes have you taken, what books do you like to read

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kind of get a little bit of information about their educational background and a thought. And once you know this, then it's much easier to to address them and to approach them. Because if someone is very, very knowledgeable, then you would approach them on a different level versus someone who simply has has no idea or hasn't read or hasn't attended classes. I think it's important. Get some information. First, I can give you some examples that I had a, I had an individual she was anonymous when attending my classes. And this was an in debate. And she's tired of coming to the classes. And I started getting to know her. And after a few classes, she asked to meet with me one on one. And so

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we ran out for coffee. And as I was sitting there, I started getting the information. So she had been married for 10 years. And she had she knew so much about Islam and she was practicing it but she hadn't become Muslim. So when I asked her and what I told her is that, you know, we never know how long we have to live that you and I we don't even know if we're gonna make it to the end of the day. And if you were to go and like a, God forbid, get into some kind of car accident, and you knew so much and yet you didn't take the step you How would you feel when you face your Creator that you knew all this and you didn't take that initiative. And at that moment, she declared her Shahada in

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the coffee shop while people were they were on dates or they're having their fun time and we're just sitting there and we found that so closely and it was a

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It was such an incredible moment because she realized that I was tuning into her, I saw her where she was coming from. And that was the thing that really made her take that step and hunger line, it's all from the mercy of Allah. And if we know where someone is coming from, then we can approach them in a different way. I've had examples with, with individuals who were sometimes employees that that are working, maybe maybe at a hair salon, or maybe at different places. And many times people don't take the time to educate those who are just workers, they just simply are invisible to them. And I think it's so important to give every single person importance and whoever it is that you're

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dealing with, whether it's the clerk with the bank clerk, whether it's the gardener or the the maid, whoever it is that you give them the time and energy, and share share with them, because you simply don't know how you could impact them. A story I wanted to share with you is of a once I was at a hairdresser in the states in America. And as the lady was working on me, I started having a conversation, I noticed that she had some charms around in her necklace. And I asked her about the charm. And she told me Well, this one saves me this one protects me and this one does this. And so it was very, it was very intriguing to me. And I asked her, What would happen if this necklace of

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yours was to suddenly drop in, you know, in the bathroom or in the in the toilet? And I said what with that necklace be able to do anything? And she was like, no, it could absolutely do nothing. I said, if a necklace cannot say that saw that they can't do anything, how could it possibly save you and I started talking to her about tawheed. And how in Islam, we basically just trust in, in God, and we believe that he's the only one that can protect us, we don't believe in Lucky Charms or in anything else that can that can actually protect us other than God. And this really, this struck a chord with her. And the next time I went, I started talking to her a bit more. And that is the

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moment when she decided on hamdulillah to declare her Shahada because it was just this instinct. And it was this feeling that no one else can protect you other than God. And I think that if we take every opportunity, and don't dismiss anyone don't ever think that you don't want to give the time or effort in, in giving the dour or inviting someone because you never know who it's going to work out with. Now, you may be thinking to yourself, why should I even bother? What is it? It's not my business? I'm not a share, I may not know and how can I possibly? How can I help other people. And if you think that way, I want you to imagine yourself being on a large ship. If you're in a large

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ship, and you start seeing people making holes in the ship. Okay, you're seeing them actually making holes, what would be your gut reaction, your gut reaction would be to stop that, because if you don't stop them, the whole ship will sink. So it is like an old muscle this ship represents the oma and that we cannot ignore one person like the thief digging that hole because it's going to affect our homeless. So you'll find that in any circle of friends, there are individuals who go astray one person may may stop the prayer one the person may start doing things that you know are not right and individually they start going astray. And if we don't take effort, if we don't make the effort to

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pull them back in, then what's going to happen is that we're going to have a lot of different people going astray. And so while there are some good reasons to actually get the daoine one is that it's ordered from a lot that Allah says insert to insert it I'll Emraan and I a number 104 out of la mina shaytani r rajim Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim when taklon come to me I don't wanna find anyway.

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My auto

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CAD lead Let there arise a group, a group of you inviting to all that is good and forbidding all that is forbidden. So if you look at it the unwritten rules that is what you are encouraging people to do fair to do the good things and this is what a good friend is all about when you surround yourself with righteous friends and they will always pull you towards that which is good. So they will remind you if you're getting late for the

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Prayer if you are not attending the classes that this is the Arab America, encourage people to do the good things. And then when there is the Nyan and mancave, that is when you are discouraging people from doing the things that you know are forbidden. So you find your friend that is about to make a mistake maybe has is about to succumb to their desires and do something that is wrong. And you remind them, you remind them of the aka, you encourage them to be strong to be patient not to lose, not to lose their willpower. And that is nahan and monkeuy. So I just mentioned that it's so important to look at the psychological background of a person, see where they're coming from, get

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more information, know where their educational background is, where they are coming from. And that way you can be more effective in giving the Dow and the data is basically just calling and inviting. But it's also implying encouraging and correcting. And the reasons that we are encouraged to get the data there for reasons I covered one. And the first one is to just to obey our Creator to obey our Creator. And that's why we do everything. So right now we're gonna take a break, but when we come back, I will continue telling you the reasons why we need to give Dawa and how to go about it effectively.

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Dune satellite channel,

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Dune satellite channel, Welcome back, we're talking in the first half about knowing the person that you're about to give power to that you're about to invite or correct. Know about them, ask questions, see where they're at gauge them. And once you do that, then you would be better equipped to to address them. I was also talking about the reasons why we give our that you may see yourself as you know, you're not a chef, or you're not maybe as knowledgeable and you are, maybe it's none of your business. But if you see yourself kind of like in a boat that if someone is sinking the board, you have to take measure to stop them but in a gentle and loving way. And so the first reason we set

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up the reason to do our is because it's an order from God. And we do everything because of that. The second is basically to ensure that your daughter is getting cancer. Do you ever experience making sincere to IMAP weeping and you're really feeling it for your daughter's thought getting asked her or maybe this is the issue maybe the fact that you've abandoned her during the Alabama rope and now Hannah's gone cat, because you've abandoned that your dog is not being answered, because the profits on a salon said and it's reported by until Monday, I swear by by him in whose hands is my soul, he will share his he command what is good and forbid what is evil around us it is very possible that a

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law will send you his punishment. So say either to this you are encouraging good or forbidding God, or also punishment will come What is this punishment, you will make dots him and you will not be responded to so you make the dog but it doesn't get answered. So if you want to ensure that your toy is answered, make sure that you are aware of the people around too, and that you gently and kindly remind them. And the third is basically to improve the oma that Muslims are a mirror of one another. That's what the prophet SAW that a salon described the Muslims that if it's if it's your mirror, you look in the mirror and you see you can see your flaws. You can see your good traits, but you can

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even look and you can help the other person, whether it's your friend, whether it's a classmate, whoever it is you, you try to help one another. And it's not enough to just be consumed with our own life and our little family, we need to see how we can improve the oma as a whole. And if we are all of us making that effort and trying to help individuals overcome their difficulties or encouraging them to do good, then this way, you will see that our own mobile improve as a whole. The Prophet sallallahu Salah has been reported by Muslim to say that whoever sees wrongdoing committed, let him change it with his hand. If he's unable to do that, then with his time and if he is unable to do

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that then with his heart. So when you see something, you either take action, change it or you speak up against it, or you just dislike it in your heart and that is the weakest

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emaan so we need to just take, take measures to try to improve every everyone around us. And the last reason is that we're going to be held accountable. So your neighbor, your coworker, your classmate, the employee that you have these people, if you don't at least pray a little Islam or teach them a little something, they will come to you and ask why is it that why didn't you ever tell me on the Day of Judgment, you will be accountable for the people that you are in contact with. So when we realize this when we realize the accountability, then at least we do our share, to pass on the message.

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And Allah says insert to the ballot Ayah number 17. out within 90 minutes shavon and Rajiv Bismillah R Rahman and Rahim

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Amina Latina man who was I was so this sobbing he was I was so bill Madhava and advise one another to have patience, and urge one another to acts of compassion. So when you see someone in a very difficult situation, the best thing you can do is encourage them to be patient not to add fuel to the fire, like a lot of people do sisters get together and they may be complaining about their husband, they may be complaining about their children. And some people instead of reminding them to be patient, it just adds fuel to the fire. So we have to be careful about always encouraging that which is good.

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The Prophet satellite is

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reported by Muslim said whoever established a good tradition will receive his reward for it together with the rewards of all those who follow it until the Day of Judgment without reducing the rewards in the least. So this means that whoever establishes something good, maybe they get people to do the Sunnah prayers, maybe a get them to go for Juma prayers where maybe they get them to read swords with cap words or anything that is good, then they will continue to get this reward until the end of time. And whoever established the batch tradition will be assigned its full responsibility together with the responsibility of those who follow it until the Day of Judgment without reducing their

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responsibility in the least. So meaning that if you are responsible for getting someone to do something that is wrong, wrong, maybe you thought them to start drinking, maybe you are the one that encouraged them to start smoking or going out or doing these things, then you will get that you will get the cin until the end of time. So we have to be so careful. And it is kind of like a multi level marketing, where when one person when you have one individual getting different individuals to get on board to sell the same product, they will continue to get the financial reward. And so I like to call it multi level as you're making that when you encourage someone to do good when you teach

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someone that you will get the reward. And you will continue to get the reward with every single person that they teach. So this is what motivates us to encourage one another. Now we need to talk about some of the prerequisites because just like certain classes have a prerequisite. For instance, you can't take organic chemistry without taking chemistry one and two. So there's a prerequisite for doing Tao. And it's very simple. One is sincerity, that you have to be sincere. And it is known that an action if it's if it is done in complete sincerity, but it is not correct. It's rejected. So maybe someone is really, really sincere and they're doing it with all their heart, but they're doing

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something that is absolutely wrong. There's no basis in the coroner's tongda than it is reject that. And if and if it is completely correct, but it is done with

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and if it is completely correct, but it's not done in sincerity. So it's rejected. For instance, someone does the charity, someone does the prayer, but there's no sincerity in it, you will, you will not get any benefit. Only that which is done completely, sincerely and it's done correctly. That's what counts. So we need to just make sure that we have the sincerity in our heart. And the second thing is to be knowledgeable of the team. Make sure that if you're approaching someone you will be able to have the deli's you have the proofs and that you're not cornered because if someone asking you, you really don't know how to approach them, then then it's not going to be very

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convincing. And the last is that you should practice what you preach that it's so important that when you say something when you're correcting an individual, if you're telling them to do

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Certain things, then you need to make sure that you're following it because no one will listen to a person who doesn't walk the talk. Okay? And in Switzerland baccata Allah says, a lot of fun around him. I thought moto nn seven because he was so nice fullcycle moi

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lunella kita alfalah a payload? How can you advise other people when you yourself are not practicing it? Let's talk about not the methodology, how do you go about giving the dour, inviting others. And basically, first, it's so important to build rapport, build a friendship, sometimes people get so consumed with giving information, but it's really about having a rapport when someone feels comfortable with you, when someone likes you, when you have a friendship, then they will be so much more open and much more receptive to what you have to say. And

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the second is to ask questions to gauge where they are. And we talked about this, ask them about their background, find out a little bit about them before you before you make any kind of common or correction. And it's really critical to talk in the language that they'll understand you have and by knowing what their background is, you can talk to aim at the heart and to affect them. The third thing is take your time. Don't rush it, don't rush this hour. Just take your time and let it develop because you're not looking for results. I think it's very important to just to share the information and not necessarily get the results or wait for the results. And the fourth thing is make sure that

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you're making the offer the person that you are giving Dawa to and I have a beautiful example of a Swiss friend of mine who became who became Muslim. And for five years, she sincerely prayed for her parents, our parents were in their 70s and she just constantly prayed for them to be guided and Mashallah that at the age of like 72, both mother and father embraced Islam. So never underestimate the power of, of making supplications to Allah. In summary, it is critical to build rapport. building rapport means making friends, being friendly, and having the person get to know you. And this way, there'll be so much more receptive, and find out ask questions where they're at, so you

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know where they're coming from. And make take your time, take your time, don't ever rush anyone, when you're trying to correct or you're trying to teach, give them their sweet time and let them realize that how how patient you are. And also never, ever underestimate the power of the supplication continuously pray for those individuals that you want to reach out and you want to affect. So join me next time when I will tell you about the methodologies in doing the Dawa and actually how to go about it because sometimes people want to do it and they want to share it but they're not sure how to join me next week when I will share with you how to go about giving this

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hour so it's like a law fair for joining in as salaam alaikum

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