A Key Principle That Gives You More Peace in Your Life and Helps Influence More People Over

Haleh Banani

Channel: Haleh Banani

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What is the one thing that you can do in order to have more peace in your life, and to also win people over? And that is having congruence, there's the congruence between your beliefs and your actions. This is one of the most powerful things that you can do as an individual. In order to be an authentic self being authentic means being real, being true to yourself, not having this cognitive dissonance, the cognitive dissonance. This is when there's internal inconsistency, right? When you have, you are thinking one thing, you have a certain belief, but you're not acting upon it. And I can tell you give you some examples. Let's say you value prayer, you value honesty, but then you go

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and you lie, or you skip prayers, that creates a cognitive dissonance. You're feeling that you're not true to yourself, you're not true to what to what you believe, right? And we all are very familiar with sort of, well us in that in Santa Fe hosts in LA Latina, Armando, Armando sila heard what I was, so bill Hakata, was of the sub. So this Amina Mohammed masala has it is having the beliefs and the actions that always go hand in hand. And it's so amazing how Allah always emphasizes that your beliefs and your actions have to go hand in hand, you can't believe one thing, you can't theoretically have a certain certain belief system, certain things that you value, but then you act

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opposite now what what happens when you do that, when you believe one thing, but you act exactly the opposite of that, that's when you feel that you are being hypocritical, that's when you can have a sense of peace. And I've had so many clients come to me, expressing that they have this deep level of anxiety. I had a college student who came in, and she was from a very upright family, she was taught the dean, she knew better, right, in a very practicing. And yet she ended up doing a lot of acts that she knew were wrong. And so when she came in, she was just crying profusely, because she felt that she was not being authentic. She knew that her beliefs and her actions didn't line up. So

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she was having suicidal thoughts. She was feeling anxious, just feeling depressed. And that's what happens to us on many different levels. So if you end up lying about certain things, maybe at your workplace, if you end up having this two faced, right, that's the to face phenomenon, then internally, you suffer, you cannot be at peace with yourself, when you feel like you're saying one thing and then acting in a totally different way. And unfortunately, we see this all the time, right? We have that public persona, and then we have the private persona. And these two, we have to have, of course, there's going to be some slight differences. But it should not there shouldn't be a

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huge gap. If there's a huge gap between how you present yourself to the public versus how you are at home, then this is going to be this is going to create incongruence and you are not going to feel at peace. And the best people to judge are those who are closest to you, right? These are the people who see you, they see you in public and they see you at home and they should feel like this is this is the same person. But unfortunately many times I have people report to me that will you see you see my you know, my my charming husband here you see the one who talks so nicely and eloquently and so pleasantly to everyone. He at home is a monster right? And I have the men will tell me Well, you

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know, she's so she's so respectful. She's so upright when she's dealing with her co workers when she's dealing with her French is all smiles and pleasantries. But when she comes home, she is a she is rude and mean and has no smiles for anyone at the home. What this creates, first of all, you're not going to be able to influence the people close to you, if you have this hypocritical behavior, right? If they feel that you are being one way in the for the public eye, but you're the exact opposite at home, you know your spouse is not going to respect you, your kids are not going to respect you. And we need to really make sure that we lessen this gap right and if you recognize it

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right now, the best thing is recognizing and making a stance right now make a promise with me that from now on. I am going to be as much as I can. The same that I am in public

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I am in, in private in the sense of being respectful, being honest, being upright, and not trying to put on a show because this putting on a show which so many people struggle with this right, I have so many clients who will tell me whether they're physicians or lawyers, whether they are, you know, housewives that they will say that, you know, my friends would never believe the way I am at home. Right? And, and that really tears away, it erodes the self esteem, right, so person may be doing this. And they are not conscious of how it's affecting their own self esteem, how bad they feel within and how they lose their sense of peace. So what we need to do is put every action through a

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belief sifter, right? We have a sister, we have a belief system there. And we have to make sure that whatever it is, that I am acting upon it, it is congruent with my beliefs. And when you do that, then you're going to feel at peace about it. Right? I cannot tell you the number of people who are extremely successful, extremely educated, extremely religious. And yet they fall into this, because they don't put it through a belief sifter. They make exceptions, they avoid certain things that they know they should be doing. Or they refrain from avoiding the things they don't abide by the who do dibala they fall into a big mess, and then internally, they are ruined, and what they think the only

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way out is suicide. So that is the extreme case, right? That is the extreme case scenario. And it happens. But what we need to do is make sure that we are living an authentic life, that we are true to ourselves. First of all, we're true to Allah, we're true to our spouse and kids we are true to or to ourselves. And when you do that you are internally going to be at peace. And you have to surround yourself with individuals who are like minded, who have that same mission, who are living and loving for a higher purpose. That's my motto live and love with a higher purpose. And that higher purpose is pleasing Allah, when you have that in mind, and your number one priority is pleasing your

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Creator, you're going to think twice, about, you know, you're going to think twice about lying, you're going to think twice about doing just following your desires. Because you feel that, is this going to line up, right? Is this going to line up with my goal? Is this in vision of what I want to achieve? And many times people don't ask those questions, right? It's kind of like a person who wants to go to medical school, I use the example that most of you can relate to, right? You know, that you have to get certain grades, you have to have a certain GPA, you have to get a certain mark on your MCAT you have to do certain things to ensure that you're going to achieve this right. And so

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if our goal is if we put our GPS on, you know, for Jana, and this is this is what we want to achieve. And we ask ourself in everything that we do, does this coincide? Is this taking me to my ultimate destination? And if the answer's no, then we have to refrain from it. Because sometimes people take detours and that detour, they never are able to get back on track. You know, there are some detours that will destroy a person's life and their aka. And we can't afford that right. At this time. We definitely have to be super mindful, we have to be mindful. Part of the reason that I've put together the mindful Hearts Academy, it is a way to create that awareness. Mindfulness is

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all about being aware. It's about being aware of your thoughts, your emotions, your actions, your reactions, all of these things, really define who we are as an individual, it will earn us either Jenna you know and if we work on this then we can definitely redefine who we are and we can achieve our goals inshallah. So I hope that he will join me this this Thursday at four o'clock I'm going to do a live webinar okay and it is going to be about building your confidence and I will provide a link later on today inshallah. But the how to build your confidence how to be a person who is authentic, you know, you don't want fake confidence. There are too many people out there who just

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have this fake confidence and they're very hollow inside.

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There is no sense of substance, right. And you can see the difference between someone with substance a person with substance is not going to be easily threatened, they're going to have, you know, hustlas than of others, they're going to think well of others, they're going to connect well with others. And that shows that there is substance inside. And they're not easily intimidated, or they don't have so many insecurities, right? The fake confidence is when you're just putting on a show at all times, there's the show that people put on, and deep down inside, there are there's not much substance. So we want to build, we want to have genuine confidence want to have congruence. And that

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way you feel peace internally. And you're able to win people over because guess what, a person who is congruent when they believe something, and they act on it, and it matches up, these are people who actually are very well liked, these are people, if you have a congruent teacher, they are going to have the most impact on their students. If you have a speaker or a mom, or you have someone who walks the talk, they are going to be the ones who are going to have the most impact. And when it comes to parenting, then definitely you need to walk the talk, you need to be congruent, you can't say one thing, and then act the opposite. It's It's like an example, I had one. One couple came in

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and they were complaining about their their child who is hitting kids, right, and they got very mad because he got in trouble. And the father came, hit the child and said, We don't hit hitting is wrong, right. And it just it doesn't match up, right. And when you don't see that congruence, then it's very hard to take a person's word for it. So I really hope that you, you join me for the confidence webinar. It's a free webinar. And I will get in depth about how to build yourself how to transform because this is the transformational Tuesdays, we want to learn how to be our best and how to really enjoy transformation. You know, you can definitely be inspired by a weekend course you can

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definitely gain insight. But it's a doing the deep internal work takes time. It takes effort it takes delving into all these different subjects that I cover on the mindful Hearts Academy, as far as your core beliefs as far as how to have emotional intelligence, how to rewire your mind, how to have neuroplasticity how that works and how to make it work for you. And there's just so much it's just really exciting. It's an exciting program and Mashallah, we've had sisters for the past year who have gotten that coaching from me on you know, I have live lessons every, every Thursday, and there's live q&a and Mashallah people have been benefiting great greatly, and having real long

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lasting transformation. Alhamdulillah. And let's see, if there any questions, I think when you are hurt your attitude changes toward your loved ones. And that's because of your expectation from them. You know, expectation. Expectations really affects your level of happiness, right? Because if you have expectations that are up here, and people are trying, let's say your spouse is trying to please you, maybe your kids, your friends, family, but then they only get up to hear, you're always disappointed. So you're kind of setting yourself up for unhappiness, you're setting yourself up for being very disappointed. So you really do have to adjust your expectation of people. What are the

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most powerful lessons and advice that my mom gave me right before I got married, was to lower my expectation, and that definitely had a huge impact on my life. And to this day, I follow it. And it's not about lowering your standard, but lowering your expectations of people.

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And sister Fatima is saying they are people who will have true happiness and true peace. Yes. So,

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double standards, you know, double standard does ruin your life, because everyone will see it, they see it right they see that you will say one thing and act in a complete opposite way. You lose respect, you lose credibility. And when when this happens consistently, then you are not seen as a truthful person, even though you may not say a lie, but because you're not acting congruently then you lose a lot of credibility. So it's really important to keep this in mind live with congruence and I really hope that you can join me for

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At the free webinar on confidence and it's called real confidence where I teach you how to truly build yourself and have a sense of genuine confidence where you you can shine in any situation inshallah, thank you so much for joining in and if you'd like this and you're benefiting you know, make sure you subscribe to my YouTube channel which I'm

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doing on a I'm going to be doing lessons and videos on a daily basis and you can turn on notifications. So whenever I'm doing the video, you can get a reminder in sha Allah and And may Allah put us put in us the motivation and the consistency to really be genuine for us to act upon our beliefs and to really lessen the gap between who we are in public versus who we are in private and and have that genuine congruence. So to sekolah Hayden salaam aleikum

A Key Principle That Gives You More Peace in Your Life and Helps Influence More People Over
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