Why Marriages Fail? Part 5

Haitham al-Haddad


Channel: Haitham al-Haddad


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Causes for Divorce

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Now, let us look at the reasons behind

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marriage breakdown, there are a number of reasons and those reasons can be classified in two different ways. Every one, every speaker who wants to speak about these reasons can classify them the way he likes, I chose a specific classification just because the nature of this lecture influenced me to have this kind of classification. First of all, one of the main reasons behind validity breakdown is both parties are committing

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big or major sins not related to marriage,

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okay, both parties are making or committing major sins not related to marriage. The other classification or the other reason for that is both parties are committing sins related to marriage. Now, what do I mean by committing sins not related to their matrimonial life

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among the reasons for marriage breakdown, maybe you can consider it is the main reason behind most of the marital breakdown

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that each party is having an illegal sexual relationship with

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other people either the husband is having some illicit relationship with other women or the wife herself is having some illicit relationship with other men. You might be surprised that is it happening within the Muslim community Yes, it is happening. I'm not talking about the non Muslim community because you can say that this is something unfortunately normal within the Muslim community This is expected because of the

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because of many other things because of the moral decline etc etc, because of the belief system again, because of many other reasons, but to have to have this happening within the Muslim communities is something not acceptable you know, within the non Muslim community, they say on average the person who is reaching the age of 40 if he is a white, he has nine relationship nine partners okay life time partners, if he is a black he has six life partners, if he is an Indian, he has on average two, if he is a Pakistani, he has on average one life partner which means that they are used to this that person is married or he is not married, but he is having maybe a life partner

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during that time he will have another lifetime partner or he will just leave the first life partner and move to the second love partner etc etc. But having this within the Muslim community means imagine not having an illegal sexual relationship or an illegal relationship with other women This is really something that is totally not acceptable. And

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one of the main reasons many people would ask but Why do men do this? Why do women do this one of the cause reason Okay, the root causes behind having this kind of relationship is pre mixing from experience, okay, this free mixing is a really a very evil thing, it destroys families. And in many cases, we see some men coming and they are saying that my wife, he is talking about his wife has started to develop a relationship with some Okay, now, and maybe that man he is a family friend, or she developed a relationship with that man is through work. And sometimes she is seeking color from her husband to go and escape with that man that she came to know through work or in some cases, the

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woman gets to know a man through internet and I do remember that a man came to me once and he has five children, okay. And he said that his wife developed a relationship with a manufacturing company and that man was living in another country and then his wife started to have problems with her husband and later on escaped with that. Now, imagine to that situation. On the other hand, men, okay, because a free mixing is slowly slowly they develop a harem relationship with other women come on. When women when their wives know about this, it becomes really a disaster. And the problem escalates. And normally the marriage ends up with a breakdown. And unfortunately, if that once that

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happens, the man he is he is losing his first wife and the man again, he is losing losing the second

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Lady because a man will never trust a lady who he was involved with her in an illicit relationship, he will never trust her. Even if he promised her to get married to her, he might get married to her, but after some time, he will just keep away from her. Similarly, this thing happens between a wife who's developing a relationship with a stranger. This is, okay, one thing.

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The other thing, and

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then back to the issue of free mixing and how it develops.

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Sometimes we are little bit easy in terms of the social gathering. And sometimes we are not really observing the Islamic etiquettes. And I do remember that one lady rang me and she said to me, that she is looking for a Muslim country while she can be strong. I said to her sister, why she said,

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what happened is that a few years about a man who is a family friend, he started to develop a relationship with her, and she was trying to kick him out. And that man haunted her when she was emotionally Okay, in need for the presence of a man, she had some problems with her husband and husband, her husband used to leave her for a few days. And he used to travel abroad for maybe a few weeks. And during that time, she feels okay alone, and she has any emotional vacuum, etc, plus the problems that she has with her husband, and that man, out of the evilness of that man, he knew about her situation. And he knew he knew because he's different when her husband leaves. And he, of course

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has he started to develop a relationship with her. And he asked her to have any full sexual relationship with her. And she fell into that mistake, and she committed that crime. And then she said, I woke up and I did not realize what I have happened. And I was about to commit suicide, etc, etc. I promised myself that I will not do it again. And then she said, after a few weeks, this smile came again. And he said you need you must allow me to do this review. And she said, No, no way, etc, etc. Okay, well, she didn't have done it the second time, or whatever, anyway, that she said, I could control myself and I could kick this person away. And then nothing happened after that. After

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a few years, this the same man who have the this illegal, secure relationship with this woman, he had many, okay, sexual relationship with other friends wives. And then they found out about him. And then every single one of this group, he started to doubt his wife. So every single one, he used to go to his wife. And here's the question, how did you have any kind of relationship with this man, he used to visit us, he used to visit you when I used to travel, etc, etc, until the husband of this lady came to her. And he said to her, I used to travel and this one needs to come, you must tell me have you have any problems with him? Have you had any kind of relationship with him and she said,

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This man, she said, I was telling glide, and but now I am burning from inside. And now I want to make I want to put an end, because I'm being tortured. This is my conscious is torturing me. Of course, this is a big problem. And she said, my husband, she's got he started to have the doubt and he left me and I am alone. Now with the children suffering and even this subconscious

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torture that I am facing on a daily basis, I want to put an end to it. So this is really an evil thing. That's why we always say we must observe the Islamic advocates about this issue. This is this is one thing, another thing is okay, this is one major area, which is committing major sins not related to matrimonial law, but outside the matrimonial law now,

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assigned or related to this, committing some sins related to that, even if it is not fully sexual relationship, but many women