Islam and intimacy – Episode 03

share this pageShare Page
Habib Bobat

Channel: Habib Bobat

Series:

Episode Notes

Islam and intimacy is a 6 part series which covers the Islamic perspective on bedroom matters. Islam is a complete way of life. It provides guidelines on every sphere of life,
from Taharah & Salah, to business, inheritance & marriage.

Likewise, Islam has taken in to account the private moments of a believer’s life. It has provided complete guidance as far as sexual relations are concerned. Scholars have dedicated exclusive chapters to this subject matter.

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


00:00:00--> 00:00:51

Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. This is our third setting today. And in our previous sessions, we've been discussing important mosyle and important aspects pertaining to intimacy. In our last session, we spoke about the fact that intimacy is a right of the husband as well as the wife. It is a misconception to think that only the husband has the right to sexual gratification. We also spoke about the fact that this is the only permissible outlet for husband and wife to fulfill their needs. And if a person does not provide for that, if it does not provide for a Halloween environment for his or her partner, then the temptation grows very strong to

00:00:51--> 00:00:53

look outside. We move on today

00:00:55--> 00:00:59

to some other aspects pertaining to intimacy. The first one is how often

00:01:02--> 00:01:05

the Sharia does not stipulate any specific amount.

00:01:06--> 00:01:12

It all depends on the physique, the temperament, the energy, the strength of a cup of tea.

00:01:14--> 00:01:49

And this would vary from couple to couple. Therefore, the Sharia does not impose any amount or any restrictions in this regard. It leads to the couple discussing this, and coming to a mutual understanding as to how often they should engage in sexual intimacy. Having said that, one should avoid the two extremes. The one extreme is there's no action. And the other extreme is the person wants to be active every single day, which is just not possible for some people.

00:01:50--> 00:02:21

Therefore, both husband and wife needs to sit down together and understand each other's needs. That Okay, maybe not every day is possible, and maybe once in a blue moon is also not possible. Let's see how we can meet each other in the middle and see where we can work on our routine, and how we can fulfill our needs in a halal way. So the key point is discussion, mutual discussion, talk to one another. And this is one of the subjects that couples don't touch.

00:02:23--> 00:02:26

They feel it's a taboo topic, I wasn't talking about these things. balada, you know,

00:02:27--> 00:02:37

just happens. So you must be frank about it. Some sometimes the wife will say, when do we do marital counseling, but manana he never ever told me.

00:02:38--> 00:02:58

He never ever communicated his needs to me, I thought, once in a while is fine, and he's happy and we happy and we carry on. If we had to communicate these needs to be, I would not be in the dark, I would have tried harder. And like sometimes it's the other way around. The second thing to understand is that what time

00:03:00--> 00:03:07

also in terms of time, there is no restriction, it can be any time of the day, any time of the night.

00:03:08--> 00:03:50

Here again, you have to look at the mood of your partner, you got to see the circumstances, it can be that it's broad daylight and the children are playing in the house and you want to become intimate. And let's say it can't happen, but at least take into account these factors, you have to work out how you're going to do it. So the time factor also the Sharia doesn't impose any restrictions a person is free at any time of the day or any time of the night. As long as there is no external factors that prohibit the partners getting intimate and which we will get to in a bit insha Allah. So as far as how often as far as the frequency is concerned, no restrictions, as far as

00:03:50--> 00:04:21

which time of the day. Notice dictions what we do glean from the sooner that I shadow the obata law says that there will be of a load spend the night it will divide his nights into different portions where he would sleep we would wake up retarded, and then towards the end of the night after completing his Ida, she says if the Prophet of Allah had a need, you would come in fulfill his needs. So from here the scholars deduce a number of points. One is that at this time of the night, you are fully rested.

00:04:23--> 00:04:39

And that means your energy is at optimum level number one, number two, the the scholars write that at this point of the night your food has also digested so there is no inhibitors, there is no impediments. Number three, the scholars also write

00:04:40--> 00:04:58

that the Navy of Allah sallallahu Sallam been amazing just moments before this, he was communicating with his Lord, which you can say is a climax in terms of Iboga and your connection with the law. Yet on the other side, he does not forget his needs with his wife. So this is called balance.

00:05:00--> 00:05:34

This is called balance. And this is the balance we often lose, we attempt to think that we are extremely pious. And we think that these needs are then suppressed. The Sharia is extremely pragmatic, extremely practical. It doesn't deny your spiritual needs, it doesn't deny your physical needs. So Panama What a beautiful religion Allah has blessed us with. Now also we look at some other miscellaneous aspects. For example, I said no external factor should be there to prohibit the actual intimacy or the encounter.

00:05:38--> 00:06:20

Very often people ask Madonna, my wife is pregnant, seven months, six months, eight months, can we have relations? So a Sahabi came to the lobby of Allah sallallahu Sallam and he said in New Jersey, Don Emirati Olivia from LA, I have separated our sleeping places, I don't come close to my wife and I don't get intimate with her. So there's a way for us to limit the value that IQ Why do you do so? So the Sahaba gave the explanation for called original wish to ponder whether the her ohana already her. So he said, You know, I'm taking into account now I was pregnant, and she's going to be giving birth in a month or two. So I don't want to make it complicated for her. So then, uh, before law

00:06:20--> 00:07:06

replied to him, Logan and Delica ball run dot refer is our room. If that was the case, my Sahabi then this practice would have harm the children of the Persians in the Romans, meaning there were two civilizations in the time of the Prophet sallallahu sallam. One was the Romans and one was the Persians. They were the dominant forces of the time, and Anatomy of a licen experience has it that these people are intimate with their partners even during the pregnancy period and even towards the end. And we haven't witnessed any complications on the mother's side or on the child's part. Therefore, from experience, we can say that there's no impediments you can still have relations with

00:07:06--> 00:07:21

your partner. The other aspect is that relations during breastfeeding period, so there will be a full box of them said locker the hammer to an unhealthy leader had the courage to under Rule 30 sales. Not only that,

00:07:23--> 00:07:30

he said I intended to make intimacy haram for my oma whilst the wife is in her breastfeeding period.

00:07:31--> 00:07:56

But then he said, I looked at the Persians and the Romans again and I saw that they are breastfeeding their children and the husbands are becoming intimate with their wives and from experience we see nothing wrong happening. Therefore then we have a loss and it is permissible for you to even have relations. Once your wife has completed her knee fast or postnatal bleeding. You are allowed to have intimate relations with your partner.

00:07:57--> 00:08:10

Moving on further sexual relations during menstruation is haram. It's not permissible. The Quran categorically mentions when I do an account in Mohave poo as an artist

00:08:11--> 00:08:13

whether Takara buena Hata

00:08:15--> 00:08:26

the Quran says that O Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam the companions asking you what is the rule it regarding women folk when they are in the menses. So Allah said no revelation,

00:08:27--> 00:09:10

who are the factors in Nyssa O Muhammad sallallahu alayhi Salaam advise your companions, it is not permissible for them to become intimate with the partners whilst the women folk are going through their menses. So it's a categoric injunction of the Quran, therefore, it is haram but even makrooh it is haram for a person to get intimate, intimate in a sense where the actual act takes place while your wife is menstruating. To the extent that Allah right, that if a person engages in sexual intimacy, intentionally, by disregarding this law of Allah, according to Allah, He even becomes a toughy.

00:09:12--> 00:09:16

So one is a person who happened to

00:09:17--> 00:09:25

end up doing the act where he couldn't control himself, but he's regretful, he is remorseful. He is aware that what he has done is wrong.

00:09:26--> 00:09:34

So for that person, for him is Toba. But for the person who says, No, you know what? We don't have to worry about this ruling.

00:09:35--> 00:09:59

There is no need to follow this injunction. We're going to carry on with what we want and that leads you to the border of Kufa and in certain cases Allah say it's even Kufa itself. Because of the Hadith of the profits of the long haul you send them. Men at the heart Even owe him rotten food debris her oka Hainan Kaffir Bhima Enza mahana Mohammed sallallahu Sallam he who

00:10:00--> 00:10:13

Has relations with his wife while she is in her menses, or enters from the rear, or goes to a fortune teller. He has indeed made poofer for that which Mohammed Salalah Islam has come with.

00:10:15--> 00:10:51

Now, if a person happened to cross the boundaries, and he had relations, and Oliver mentioned that he should do two things. One is it should make sense here, Toba and number two, it should give sadaqa failure the sort of business with dinner and he should give out some sort of some charity as an atonement for the sin, but do not disregard the sin. Do not disregard the sin enough. No, it's not serious. That is the worst state to be in. As far as a man is concerned, may Allah protect us all.

00:10:52--> 00:10:54

Now as far as intimacy is concerned,

00:10:56--> 00:11:16

we must understand that it is permissible for a husband to be intimate with his wife in certain aspects, but not in certain aspects while she is in her height. For example, I show the law the law says current data is our current attire, even our household Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam felt at

00:11:17--> 00:11:37

ease through mubasher via the Wi Fi. And he said that he would say to us, meaning one of us, referring to the wives, that when we are in our menses, the W four Lord say that cover the portion from the navel, tell below the knees with a cloth with some barrier, and then you would get intimate with us.

00:11:39--> 00:11:58

So here is a ruling that the Malema deduce from this hadith that it is permissible for the husband and wife to be intimate, but it is not permissible to for the actual penetration to take place. So if for example, there is some barrier that is there,

00:11:59--> 00:12:24

between the person and the partner, then a person can still derive pleasure from above the navel and below the knees is totally fine. Nothing wrong at all. This is the benefit of learning all these massage so you're not in the dark. So it is totally permissible for you to do so as long as it is a barrier. If there is no barrier, then obviously you are going to end up doing the actual deed and that's where the problem lies.

00:12:25--> 00:12:26

The next thing is that

00:12:28--> 00:12:33

the Wi Fi basava bodyslam has given us certain guidelines as far as height is concerned. For example,

00:12:34--> 00:12:37

if a lady has a cycle of 10 days,

00:12:39--> 00:12:55

and her period ends on the 10th day, it is permissible for the husband and wife to get intimate and have actual relations, even though she has not made whoosah is permissible. But this is for a lady who completes at 10 days complete.

00:12:56--> 00:13:11

If a lady for example, Scenario number two, a lady has a cycle of seven days, and her bleeding stops on the seventh day. It is not permissible for them to become intimate until a lady takes the opposite.

00:13:12--> 00:13:51

Or one salaat time passes, and it becomes a bar upon her, then they can become intimate. So Scenario number two is a lady has a set cycle every month, six days or every month, seven days. On the seventh day when the cycle ends, you can't get intimate until your wife does not take a Hussan, a fourth person, then only you can become intimate with her. If you don't want it to take a muscle, then you must tell her she has to wait for one sonet time to pass. And when that Salah becomes a debt upon her, it becomes permissible for you to have relations.

00:13:53--> 00:13:57

Scenario number three is a lady has a set cycle of seven days.

00:13:58--> 00:14:01

But this month for some reason, the bleeding stopped on the fifth day.

00:14:03--> 00:14:39

Stop completely. She will take a whistle but you can't have relations. You can't have relations with her until the seventh day does not end because her normal cycle is how many days seven days because it's a precautionary measure that maybe she was bullied again on the sixth day. Or maybe she'll bleed again on the seventh day. We're not sure. Therefore the precautionary measure is that she must take a whistle continue with a Salah but intimacy will only be permissible after the seventh day.

00:14:40--> 00:14:44

May Allah subhanaw taala give us understanding will continue next time inshallah from this point

00:14:46--> 00:14:46

Solomonic