Divorcing The Islamic Way

share this pageShare Page
Habib Bobat

Channel: Habib Bobat

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


00:00:00--> 00:00:19

Alhamdulillah hinomoto history you know when a stone Pharaoh when all the villa him in Shuri and fusina woman say Lena Maja Hello fellow Medina woman you know for her Deanna when a shadow under either hide La la la sharika

00:00:21--> 00:00:24

Mohammed Abdo sudo abajo por la

00:00:26--> 00:00:42

Mojito, Hamid r ob la Humana shaytani r rajim Bismillah Ar Rahman AR Rahim Allah Kumar Ratan for him sercombe ma roofing outta Surrey from the sun. So the C'mon altium

00:00:44--> 00:00:46

honorable Allah respected elders in brothers.

00:00:47--> 00:01:03

On Tuesday, the Supreme Court of India ruled that the triple talaq practice by Maine is unconstitutional and against the law, as it violates act 14 and 21 of the Constitution.

00:01:05--> 00:01:11

They have suspended the practice penned in new legislation with regards to this practice.

00:01:13--> 00:01:26

The issue caught widespread attention. It was trending on a global level. It was the talk of the town and the talk of many circles in and around our community.

00:01:28--> 00:01:38

I thought it would be appropriate for us today to utilize this platform to educate ourselves. With regards to the concept of Tilak and weight fits in in our lives.

00:01:41--> 00:01:43

The very first thing I'd like to start off with

00:01:45--> 00:01:48

is that Islam is a religion of moderation.

00:01:50--> 00:01:53

It's in total harmony with human life.

00:01:54--> 00:01:57

Islam avoids extremism in every aspect of life.

00:02:01--> 00:02:19

If men and women are not happy, if the marriage is not producing the necessary results, and they are constantly at loggerheads with one another. And after trying all the different avenues, if they are not getting along, then Islam also doesn't want them to continue living together.

00:02:20--> 00:02:26

And therefore Islam has brought in within its constitution that the chapter of the law.

00:02:29--> 00:02:38

At the same time, Islam does not want you to sway towards the other extreme, where for every trivial matter, you want to throw your marriage away.

00:02:39--> 00:02:45

Islam advocates the path of moderation and the path of balance in every area of our life.

00:02:46--> 00:03:25

There are practices in the world strongly advocates that you can never get divorce, whether you die under that man's oppression. But talaq cannot even be discussed. You must make sure that your janazah leaves his house, nothing else, I don't want to hear anything. That's the one extreme that people push for. And likewise, the other extreme is throw your marriage away for every small thing. I'm going to call my father. And the father will say, yeah, you know what, I've got enough resources to look after my daughter, if you can't maintain a lever or look after. So we are saying that take the middle path

00:03:26--> 00:03:34

where there is a genuine need, apply for the divorce, where there isn't a genuine need, then work on the marriage.

00:03:35--> 00:03:37

And the Quran advocates

00:03:38--> 00:03:51

that when there's problems in the marriage, when a marriage is going through a turbulent phase then the Quran advocates that sit down together and try to sort out your methods within the household.

00:03:52--> 00:04:01

Husband and wife sitting down and talking to each other, discussing the issues putting the methods on the table and trying to find some solutions.

00:04:03--> 00:04:06

That's the first step that the Quran advocates.

00:04:08--> 00:04:13

But what if the matter is not resolved through this procedure? What does the Quran say?

00:04:14--> 00:04:19

The Quran says for barafu How come a min Ernie he will How can a min

00:04:21--> 00:04:46

appoint a representative from his side and appoint a representative from her side? Choose wise people, people who understand the nitty gritty of life, people who have the necessary understanding of dealing with such cases. Let them sit down together both families let them sit down together and try to iron out the issues.

00:04:48--> 00:04:59

And Allah sees an amazing thing. In you read his law how you will obey you know Huma if both parties are genuine and sincere

00:05:00--> 00:05:07

reconsideration of law says I will give them marhaba and love again in that marriage. Allah hug

00:05:08--> 00:05:21

you Rita is law, you will fit in level by you know whom, if both parties are sincere about reconciling, Allah says, I will grant them the Mahabharata and the love once again.

00:05:23--> 00:05:25

The question is, are we sincere in our endeavors?

00:05:27--> 00:05:28

Or are we just throwing our marriages away.

00:05:30--> 00:05:41

If after going through the necessary channels in a necessary procedure, we are still not able to resolve our issues. Then the last option is

00:05:45--> 00:05:48

the last option is divorce.

00:05:49--> 00:05:52

Let me reiterate those sentiments.

00:05:53--> 00:06:02

If the marriage does not recover from those bruises, then the last the last procedure should be

00:06:03--> 00:06:04

not the first procedure.

00:06:05--> 00:06:52

Unfortunately, men and women are opting for divorce first, before trying to resolve the matters. And then you sit in with regret the setting with deep sorrow, the last resort is divorce, not the first resort, we must educate our children, there is why there is a great need for pre marital counseling for our children that are getting married, we must sit them down. And we must tell them life is not only about happy moments, you're going to get married my son, you're going to get married my daughter, and there will be phases in your marriage, where you think that everything is just breaking apart, and everything is falling apart, and nothing seems to be working. How are you going

00:06:52--> 00:07:00

to handle yourself my son? How are you going to carry yourself my daughter? Do we even have these discussions with our children.

00:07:02--> 00:07:05

And it's important to educate our children before they even get married.

00:07:06--> 00:07:20

That in the unlikelihood of such and such occurrences, my son you need to behave in such and such manner. And my daughter, this is how you handle the situation. When a person is flying,

00:07:22--> 00:07:30

whether he's a frequent flyer, or whether is a newcomer on the, on the plane, he has to go through the safety rules

00:07:32--> 00:07:40

in the unlikelihood of an emergency landing, or so and so occurrence, we advise the following.

00:07:41--> 00:07:45

Imagine a couple is going on a honeymoon. And they have to listen to that how awkward.

00:07:46--> 00:07:54

It's awkward, but it's necessary for him to hear it that if they happen to be in those crisis, how they need to react.

00:07:55--> 00:08:15

And in our nikka talks, we need to move away from the flowery talks. And we need to be frank about these discussions. There, my son, you getting married, may Allah bless you, my daughter, may Allah bless you also. But if things don't work out in your marriage, it doesn't mean you must throw your marriage away. There are ways to work with your marriage.

00:08:17--> 00:08:21

When a person meets up in an accident, he assesses the damage

00:08:22--> 00:08:34

and he goes through the penalty meter. And he works on the car, the panel beater knocks out the tents, and the man drives the car after it. If there's electrical fault, we'll go to the electrician.

00:08:35--> 00:08:40

If there is a mechanical faults will go to the mechanic, but he won't throw the car away.

00:08:41--> 00:09:02

Likewise, in life in our marriages, there are times where we require the pedal beater to help us knock out those dents from the marriage. And then there are times when we require the electrician to help us with other issues. And then there are times where there are mechanical faults in our marriages. And we require the mechanic. We work on our marriages, we don't throw them away.

00:09:06--> 00:09:15

Unfortunately, people are throwing in the towel too early too early into their marriages without even giving it a try. Allahu Akbar.

00:09:17--> 00:09:41

Having said that, brothers and sisters in Islam, there are times in our lives where after following all the necessary procedures, the marriage just doesn't recover. What does the Sharia say in that regard? The Sharia says that you can opt for divorce. So there are three ways and three types of talaq.

00:09:42--> 00:09:44

Please understand this carefully

00:09:45--> 00:09:50

from the Three, two according to the sooner and the Sharia.

00:09:51--> 00:10:00

The third way of practicing law and the third way of issue divorce is better. It is not enhanced.

00:10:00--> 00:10:10

Many of the sooner the sherea does not advocate such practice, the Sharia does not tell you to opt for the third option when you are divorcing your wife

00:10:12--> 00:10:17

to according to The sooner, the third one is better. It's not what Islam advocates.

00:10:18--> 00:10:21

The first way of divorcing a woman,

00:10:23--> 00:10:32

which is the best way of divorcing a woman is to divorce her in a period where you did not share the bed with her.

00:10:34--> 00:10:39

Where she is in a clean cycle, she's not going through a menses.

00:10:40--> 00:10:43

And you divorce her once, and you leave her.

00:10:45--> 00:11:15

You allow the idea to expire, the three months to lapse. And she goes her own way and you go your own way. That is the best way of giving divorce. And the reason why this is the best way is let's say a few months down the line, five years down the line, 10 years down the line. If they ever want to get back together, the doors are still open. That's the best way of giving divorce. And I need to emphasize here brothers.

00:11:16--> 00:11:22

That one divorce is enough to end a marriage.

00:11:24--> 00:11:28

You don't need to issue three rocks to end any marriage.

00:11:30--> 00:11:44

You don't need to issue three catalogs to end a marriage. It is a great misconception that many people think that you have to issue all three divorces in one go in order to finish the matter.

00:11:46--> 00:11:55

If you want to end a marriage, one bullet is fine. It will do the job. You don't need to fire all three bullets

00:11:57--> 00:12:11

to issue one divorce in a clean period where you did not share a bed with her. And you let her sit in it that and you allow it to expire and she is free and you are free. That's the best of luck.

00:12:13--> 00:12:24

The second way of issuing the talaq which is also in harmony with the Sunnah. And which is also advocated by the Sharia is where you divorce your wife,

00:12:25--> 00:12:28

three divorces over three months.

00:12:30--> 00:13:05

So you divorce her in the first clean period without sharing the bed with her. And you allow the first cycle, her first menses to lapse. Then you issue the second divorce, if you have to, I'm saying if you have to, if you really want to, which is not necessary, the job can be done with one. But if you want to go for the second one, then wait for the second cycle to to come in. Once a woman is again in a clean period. And again, you don't share the bed, you issue the second divorce.

00:13:07--> 00:13:25

And the reason why Islam spreads it out is that as humans, we have a change of heart. After two three weeks, you know, this is not good. This is not healthy. Our children are suffering, we are suffering. It's not easy. Let's reconcile the avenues still there hamdulillah because you foreign protocol.

00:13:28--> 00:13:35

Then the third cycle comes in the woman becomes clean. Now you can issue the third divorce.

00:13:38--> 00:14:28

It's not necessary to issue all three divorces to enter a marriage it's not necessary. One is enough. You can get a job with wasn't one bullet. Don't waste the other two and hamdulillah many people have come to their senses. Many people come to the realization after a few months down the line that this is not healthy. People are suffering. Let's reconcile Alhamdulillah there are avenues and there are there are channels available for them to reconcile again. Those are the two types of Tara The third talaq which is widely practiced by people, which is contrary to the Sharia, which is not advocated by the sooner and there is a man in one setting in one go gives three catalogs. There

00:14:28--> 00:14:32

is bitter. Islam does not advocate that.

00:14:33--> 00:14:38

But even men does issue all three, what's the ruling, all three will be effective.

00:14:39--> 00:14:46

It's illegal to take anybody's life without any valid reason. But if a person shoots, of course it's going to kill.

00:14:48--> 00:15:00

Of course it's going to take effect. It's not the bullet is not going to make distinction between legal and illegal. The bullet is going to do its job. Then you can say no, Sharia is Sharia is very oppressive. Islam does not

00:15:00--> 00:15:26

to cater for us there is why we have problems is because we are not regulating ourselves. And when we don't regulate ourselves, then outside authorities take over the matter. Like you see in India, the court has stepped in, in cases where men are issuing treat Alex over WhatsApp over Skype and over email to the woman and today the women are crying in the court.

00:15:28--> 00:15:32

Why? All because we have not regulated ourselves

00:15:34--> 00:15:43

is very important your brothers and if times your partner might provoke you, if you are a man, give me the divorce show me you can give me the divorce Show me.

00:15:44--> 00:15:47

talaq should never be given in the fit of anger.

00:15:48--> 00:16:13

bollocks should never be given in a fit of anger. It should be a thought out process go through the proper channel. And then in the end, if things cannot work out, then only you offer tele Deluxe should not be done impulsively. And you if you have to do it, you let your wife go with the same dignity that she came with in your house of Lahore.

00:16:14--> 00:16:24

Allah Kumar Ratan for himself combi ma roofing oh three from the sun. Allah says only two options. Either you live with them in kindness, or you let them go in kindness.

00:16:25--> 00:16:43

The law does not have to be acrimonious. The law does not have to get ugly. Let there be respect, let there be love. Let there be mutual harmony between the two. As long as the children are there, you are going to be talking to each other, communicating with each other.

00:16:44--> 00:17:32

So let's do it with love and respect. It's highly important that we educate ourselves and our children with regards to the rules of law and the rules of divorce. And if you can play an assistant role in play an encouraging and assisting role, don't ever become the means of somebody's marriage breaking. It's easy for you to say just divorce him or just divorce her, you lose nothing. You're going back home to a nice, beautiful house, to your wife, your children, you lost nothing you sleep in nicely. who's suffering? It's those people that you got involved with. So if a law ever uses you to unite people, then unite the parties. Don't tear them apart. They're already broken, don't

00:17:32--> 00:18:20

further fragmented. May Allah subhanaw taala make it easy. In a nutshell, allow me to conclude in this last minute that there are three ways of issuing divorce to according to the Sunnah. And the last one is bitter. Islam does not advocate that. The first one is to divorce your wife in a clean period where you have not shed the bed with her and she is not in her menses, you divorce her once and you allow the right to expire. She's free, you are free, you can get married to whoever you want, shooting a marriage wherever she wants. The second way of issuing divorce is over three months. One in each clean period, one month, second month, third month. And the last one is

00:18:21--> 00:18:45

the wrong method where a man issues all three divorce. All three divorces in one setting. There is the incorrect improper way of dealing with matters. May Allah safeguard our marriages. May Allah protect our homes. May Allah subhanaw taala grant us blissful marriages. May Allah subhanaw taala make it easy for all those couples that are going through difficulties in their marriages.