Juggling Dawah with Family Life

Fatima Barkatulla

Channel: Fatima Barkatulla

Topics: Dawah

Episode Notes

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How do you start and juggle a da’wah project from your home, with all of the demands of family life? In this webinar recording from 2013, Ustadha Fatima Barkatulla shares her advice and experience in doing just that.

Episode Transcript

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In the last

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one I will be lurking in surely I'm putting him in a Yeti a Marina mingyang de la la mejor de falla, Javier de

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la ilaha illa La La sharika wash hadoo anna Muhammadan Abu rasuluh

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indeed All praise is due to Allah, we praise Him we seek His guidance, we seek His help seek His forgiveness. Whomsoever Allah guides, none can misguide. And whomsoever Allah leaves astray, man can guide, I bear witness that there is nothing worthy of worship, except Allah alone without any partners. And I bear witness that Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is His Servant and Messenger.

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So dear sisters, assalamu, alaikum, warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. And just like allow heaven for coming onto this call onto this webinar, with a dialogue

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on the topic of juggling dour with family.

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So

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right from the beginning, I just want to give you a little insight into my own background.

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When it comes to juggling, this conference is being recorded

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when it comes to juggling with family. So I remember I was about

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I was at school when I was at school, you know, in primary school, I humbly lie because I came from a religious family. And my mom had always talked about, you know, that way, she was always talking about

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enjoying the good forbidding the evil, my own parents were known for this, and, you know, for just spreading good wherever they went.

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I used to try to do the same in my primary school here in London. And, you know, I set up a little doll organization at school, believe it or not, in primary school, it was called the M team that wasn't very imaginative, but it meant the Muslim team. And, you know, we used to literally

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raise our pocket money for charity, we used to, I used to give out a little newsletter that I made on our old computer, you know, in those days, not everyone had a computer, but hamdulillah we did.

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And my dad, my dad helped me. And you know, I just give that out at school. And before long, the teachers kind of cottoned on to the fact that we, I was I was doing some sort of data or some sort of organized thing. And they asked me, you know about it. And

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somehow, I remember that, you know, that was really, for me, the beginning of

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catching the Dow bug, if you if you want to call it that.

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And I realized, in the very kind of poor area of London that we lived in, that people needed Islam, believe it or not just at that very young age, as well. I just knew that people needed Islam, because everything my mother taught me about Islam, all the stories she had told me from the Quran, and you know, just the whole outlook and way of life. I saw that as the solution to so many of the problems that I noticed that, you know, people around us had, they were both broken families. There were Muslims who were not practicing people who were going through all sorts of struggles.

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And I felt that one of the main reasons why they were struggling in life was that they were ignorant about Islam. And you can imagine this isn't their 1980s. And so, you know, Muslim community was still quite young,

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in Britain.

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So fast forward to when, you know, I got married at

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the age of 19. And I had a child by 21. And so I'm sitting at home, and you know, what it's like when you're a mother, you, you're so busy, you've got so much on your plate, you know, you can hardly find time to sleep, let alone anything else.

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And I was just listening to a radio phonon show. And I started listening to these radio phone shows regularly. And every time I would listen, I'll be like, wow, the problems they're talking about the issues they're talking about. It's not

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has the solution to those issues and problems. So one day, I plucked up the courage to

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phone in to one of these radio shows. And you know, my hand was shaking, I called the number,

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I had a clear idea about what I was going to say.

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But I wasn't really sure how the presenter would take it. And so finally,

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they called you back, they call me back.

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And from then onwards, I just, once again, you know, started doing though, through my phone, at home with my baby on my lap,

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literally,

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every single day, I would try to phone into a radio station, and just contribute something, you know, it didn't have to be preachy, didn't have to be me, always mentioning Islam, though, I tried my best to whenever I could, and to talk about Allah, you know, to bring light on to the subject through an Islamic perspective. However, for me, just the fact that my name was Fatima, I was obviously a Muslim, people got to know who you were, you know, over time on a radio show.

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Because they were the the regular callers, and all the time, they would get a picture of, Okay, this is what the Muslims are like, and, and so my aim really was to show people that Islam has the solutions, it has the, it has something to say about every single issue that people face, you know, so Pamela, and, and I realized, from that moment that I've had the loss of Hannah Diana has given us so many means to making a contribution, you know, somebody means for making a contribution, whether we are, you know, at home, and we've got loads of kids

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all the time, or whether were just recently married, but we've got a lot of other commitments, or whatever stage of life that we're we're at, in our times, the technology is such that, from the comfort of our own homes, we can all make a contribution.

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So I just wanted to give you that little insight, you know, into my kind of introduction to the media, and obviously, going on from that, humbly, like just, it just built my confidence. The first time you do something, you know, you're quite nervous, and sometimes you make mistakes as well. And, you know, I had my fair share of those, you know, sometimes presenters, will it take what I said very, very, in a very positive way. However, you know, I developed that skill over time, and then eventually, I got invited onto shows, you know, to the BBC, and other kinds of programs like that.

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As my, as I gained momentum, I guess. And the reason why I'm telling you, that is not to kind of tell you, oh, you know, look at me, is actually to show you how easy it is for any one of us to do that. Because if I can do it, anyone can do it. That's the way I see it.

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So let's talk about our let's talk about the importance of us as women being involved in that what is that in the first place? What are we talking about, when we talk about our

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women, we talk about our, you know, shekel Islam, even taymiyah.

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He,

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he gave a nice definition to Tao. He said that our is to call people to believe in Allah, and in what his messengers came with, by accepting what they came with. So everything that came with and obeying them in what they commanded, that were to Allah entails calling to all that he commanded and forbidding all that he forbade, and that is precisely what is under Bill Maher off and nahi Anil monka.

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So

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you can see that Tao has a very wide meaning.

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If you're familiar with the work of AI era, you'll know that AI era his primary kind of focus is that were to non Muslims. However, that way, you know as a general term, is is open, you know, to calling Muslims non Muslims calling all people all of humanity

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to becoming closer and closer to Allah and living their lives as Allah once wants them to live their lives. Allah Subhana dialer says, In the Quran, auto LS IBV are bigger call to the way of your Lord. That's a lovely definition of that, you know, we're calling

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To the way of Allah, we're not calling people to a particular group, we're not calling people to our particular interpretation of every aspect of Islam. Of course, there are the fundamentals and the things that the scholars of Islam agreed upon, right? Those things go without saying it goes without saying that we're calling people to that. However, it's really important to have it in our minds, you know, we're not calling people to my little clique, my little group, my little identity, what we're calling people to, is the message that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam came with, in its authentic form. Right, and its meaning and its authentic form. Right. So I think it's really

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important for us to be clear about that. And obviously, it means that different people are going to be called in different ways, different people are going to be called to different kind of aspects, right? So if you have somebody who doesn't believe in God, obviously, you're not going to start talking to them.

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about things that are not so important, right? You might strike up a discussion and talk to them about things like he job and other aspects. But if you spent hours and hours trying to convince them that your job is such a wonderful thing, without ever talking to them about God about, you know, the existence of Allah, and connecting them to Allah, then all you'd have is a person who loves his job, but still going to help, right? Yeah, to put it bluntly, right? Obviously, Allah, Allah knows best, who he's going to

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punish and who is saved, may Allah protect us from the fire.

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But you get what I'm saying, right? So

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we have to be clear about what we're calling people to a person who doesn't have the heat doesn't have the belief in Allah, you know, in tact, that person, we need to really be directing the conversation, to talk to them about a lot. Now, if you have a Muslim who doesn't pray, again, you wouldn't really focus on the really, really finer details of Islam. Or even if a person doesn't pray, and they do other major sins, right?

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You would focus on getting them to start praying as a priority compared to other aspects of the deen. Because, you know, that what is done in, in stages, and in a gradual way, it's not like, you know, stuffing a whole load of stuff down people's throats. It takes wisdom. And so that is a bit like a doctor, you know, you're assessing a situation, you're kind of looking at the symptoms, you're looking at the issues that people are facing, or the things that are missing from their lives. And then you're looking at Islam as the medicine and you're giving them the appropriate thing that they need,

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in the appropriate order in which they need it. Right. And you're delivering that with love, and you're delivering that in a very positive way. Right.

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So

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I hope we're all clear. What we mean when we talk about our talking about bringing people closer to Allah, if they're not Muslim, obviously bringing them to Islam, if they're Muslims, bringing them closer and closer to the to living their lives the way the Prophet sallallahu wasallam taught us to live our lives.

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And why should we do that? Why should we do that?

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First of all, because Allah Subhana Allah has commanded us to do so. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam

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told us in a Hadith,

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he said, some of wanting to sell him May Allah illuminate the one who hears my words,

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properly understands them, memorize them, and then transmits them. Sometimes a person transmits a message to one who grasps it better than him.

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So some of the profits of Alloway, Solomon, this hadith

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says that, you know, he makes law for the person who hears Allah's words or hears the prophets word sorry, and then understands them, learns and memorizes them and then transmits them

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suppiler law and that's something every single Muslim can do.

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Every single one of us

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Do that some level or other, you know, don't look at people and think to yourself,

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she's, she's just so much more eloquent than me or, you know, he's got confidence, I don't have confidence. So and so I've got time I don't have time, there's so many excuses that we could bring forward, right. And maybe some of them are valid, actually.

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However,

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anything that is important to us, we can make time for it, we can make time for it.

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How much time gets wasted in our day, so much time gets wasted. Even going on the internet, sometimes, you know, if you find yourself and you added it all together, you'd find can be hours, I was gone, though just looking around the internet, kind of, you know, without a particular purpose. So there are there are times there aren't there is time that we can save and we can glean if we are committed to making the time.

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And that was just like any other thing you know, something that we need to make time for.

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It doesn't have to be a huge amount of time.

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The reason why it's so important that we as women get involved, first of all is because we

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want to please allow one to fulfill our purpose. And Allah subhanaw taala tells us in sorts of awesome. He says I will be laying him in a shaytani r rajim Bismillahi Rahmani Raheem. He says while also in the in Santa Luffy who's in LA LA Vina Armani wamena salekhard whatever So Bill Hockley auto, so the sub so he says, by time, you know, in the Lincoln Center left he has mankind is in a state of destruction and loss. And then he says, except for the following

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alladhina amanu illa Lavina amanu. Those who believe who have Eman well Amina solly had and they do righteous deeds. Okay, so they believe they have Eman, but almost like their movements, and they do righteous deeds in their own lives. But it goes beyond that. What I was hoping healthy, whatever, so the subject, and they encourage one another, towards the truth.

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And that is that one, isn't it,

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calling one another to the truth.

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And they call one another encourage one another towards patience to pay to patiently bear the tests that a person faces when they have a man when they are working righteous deeds, and when they are involved in dour and in enjoying the good and forbidding the evil. That person needs patience. And so that's the last characteristic, the last kind of dial I mentioned. So we want to be of those people who are not in hospital who are not in a state of loss. And Allah has given us the formula they're in sort of awesome. So that's the first reason obviously as, as women as Muslims, and as Muslim women want to do that.

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The second is that, you know, we all exist in a particular time.

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And my sisters, within a few years, we'll all be gone.

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Maybe a few people will remember us.

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And so we have almost like this small window of opportunity while we're here on this earth,

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to do something, to do something that has a lasting effect, to leave a legacy. And there are many other ways of doing that. But that one is one of the most amazing ways of leaving a legacy because its effects are felt in generations and generations to come. You know, there are whole countries of the world

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that came to Islam because of one Sahabi who went there and began doing so many of the Sahaba died in other lands. They could have died in Morocco, it could have died in the most sacred lands, Mecca and Medina. However, so many of them went and lived abroad, either due to battles or just to go and spread Islam in those various countries and to teach the knowledge that they knew.

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And so whole countries can attribute their Islam back to

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you know, one or two of the Sahaba I don't know if

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You know, the story of

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how the mothers became or the Mongols became Muslim, and eventually became the Muslims in India. Right? The Mongols, you know, you must have heard of, you know, guess Han and, and his sons and, you know, they literally pillaged the Muslim world. They pillaged Baghdad, which was the capital at the time they killed the halifa. The Muslim Omar was without halifa for two years.

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And, you know, they completely ruined the whole of bug that they destroyed books. They massacred the people, they were completely indiscriminate in what they did. And they took the women as prisoners of war as slaves.

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And the historians tell us that one of the ways in which, or the key way in which the Mongols eventually ended up being

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Muslims, and went on to build the Taj Mahal went on to be the Muslim leaders of India

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was that the women who they had enslaved those Muslim women who they took. So Pamela, those women were in such a dire situation, right, maybe the family members would have been killed, they'd be taken by force slaves, as was the customer at that time. And

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those women, actually, in the, in the homes of the leaders in the homes of the of the kings, or the leaders of the Mongols, they began to do power,

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they began to do that power to the next generation, to the younger generation. And so eventually, within a generation or two, the children of the leaders actually embraced Islam. And they went on to become leaders. And so after that, Subhanallah, you know, the whole nation converted,

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because of the actions of women Subhana Allah who spread the knowledge, you cared about our who actually conveyed the message of Islam, to whoever was under their care at the time, that just really gives you an idea of the huge impact. We as women can have, you know, that's just one example. So never belittle the fact that you're a woman. Or be that you don't have a particular skill or talent. Every single person

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who is successful had to start somewhere, everyone had to start somewhere.

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I remember the first time I ever gave a talk, I was literally so nervous. I was, you know, my mom forced me into it, basically. And it's just about continuously practicing and practicing any skill until we become better at it and more confident at it.

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So, never belittle you know, your own ability and never belittle the role that you as an individual can play, you know, each one of us can have an impact. Even if one person was to come to Islam, or one person was to change their life, due to your calling them to Allah.

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The reward for that is just immeasurable. Because every time that person prays, every time that person does a good deed, you will get the reward for that. And they will get the reward as well and won't decrease from their reward, but you will get an exact copy of the reward that they're receiving, because you're the one who guided them towards that when that when that person has children, or when that person conveys the message on to somebody else, you will get the reward for that as well and will get the reward for their children and their children's children until you're going to piano until the effect of your dollar lost. So as you can see, it's it's really something

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you know, real investment for our for our Acura

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but it's also an investment for our dunya. Because one of the ways to kind of safeguard your own Eman from being affected, you know, in a negative way. One of the ways to prevent yourself from being worn away, you know, by shavon and his whisperings and the media and all the kind of influences that are around us is to become a carrier of the very message that Allah Subhana Allah gave, right? When you become a carrier of that message, a lot of how that strengthens you and gives you a sort of immunity, not saying that you're completely immune to that

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making any mistakes or, you know from falling into wrongdoing, however, you have an extra level of protection there. And I also like to think, in sha Allah, you know, as I heard once

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in green saying that, you know, if we are helping to protect other people's children from going astray, if we're helping guide other people's children to Islam, then inshallah Allah subhanaw taala will protect our own children, and who protect our own families. So, you know, these are all good reasons for us to be involved in our, let our voice and our message be felt in the world, Allah, Allah, Allah has given you a voice, a lot of what Allah has given you a mind has given us the message, we have a short amount of time on this earth, let's use that time to spread the message to let our words you know, spread out into the world and bring people closer to Allah. And then to to

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help realize the vision of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that Islam would spread to the east and the west. Right. And it would enter every single home.

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And also, to live beyond ourselves. One of the best ways sisters, and you know, sometimes there are sisters who are very

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down and very depressed or very kind of

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bogged down with petty things, you know, sorry to call them petty. I know, they don't seem petty to us, you know, when we're when we're feeling those things. But a lot of the kind of things that sisters are bogged down with a really small stuff, you know, the little things that happening in our little lives. And one of the best ways to get out of that, you know, small mindedness is to live beyond ourselves, live beyond yourself, you know, look out in the world, there are bigger problems in the world and the little things that we perceive to be problems in our lives.

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Look out into the world, and find a cause. Find people who need you who need the message and give them that message. So one of the best ways to, you know, prevent kind of getting bogged down with the silly things that sometimes we get bogged down with, is to live beyond ourselves. It makes us feel alive, it makes us feel

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positive, it makes us realize the blessing that we have.

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And it helps us to make a difference in the world.

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As one of my friends said to me, once, you know, she she was a Filipino system, we were living in a student hostel, and she would

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every fudger, she would go up and down the stairs to every single room, waking, waking the girls up, right teenagers and above,

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waking them up for failure. And some of them would be getting really annoyed, right? They didn't really want to wake up, they wouldn't want to be disturbed.

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And I used to sometimes say to her, you know, sorry.

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Why don't you just pray, you know, we can just pray. And you have to go and ask every single person, right?

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Especially when they're getting annoyed with you.

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And, and she said something to me that really stayed with me

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since then, and she said to me Look, Fatima, she said, Look, if you're planning on going to john, now, you may as well drag as many people along with you as you can. Right? So Pamela, so

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that was her policy. That was her philosophy, you know, she was gonna bring along as many people as she could, with her in short along the path to agenda. And that's what we want to do. So, how do we do it? Well, you know, practically speaking, juggling family without.

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For me, the first thing to consider is getting out priorities right? So what we don't want to happen is for us to become so obsessed with enjoying the good and forbidding the evil outside of our own homes. to such an extent that we start neglecting

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the things that Lost Planet Allah has made obligatory upon us in our immediate lives, right. So the things that are upon us,

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right under our noses, things like our children and looking after them, raising them well,

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the rights of our husbands, the rights of our immediate family members, of course, those people's rights come first.

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You know, there isn't, there's no

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any.

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We can't call it a favela, if a person has a parent who needs them, right. And they, instead of spending time with their parents, they ignore their parents, and they go and spend so many hours doing other, you know, vowel work or other things, whilst ignoring their parents. So we don't want to have that kind of imbalance, but what we want to do is to set out our priorities, so we set out our priorities, and each one of us can do that, by literally taking a piece of paper and noting down all the important roles that we have to play, right. So we are worshippers of Allah, first and foremost, and our immediate worships, they come first.

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And then you know, we may be a wife, we may be a mother, sister,

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daughter, all of those things, right, they may need time to be allotted to vote to them, you know, some, they need us to take those roles seriously. And then the other roles that we might have, so if a person is working, you know, they might have that role, maybe as a teacher, or whatever it is, whatever their role is, and then on and on, and make one of those roles, our role and our

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and then what we do is we literally go through each one, and we make sure that we give it its right. So I think that's, that's a very important part of getting the balance, right, you know, literally juggling with our with family, is making sure that the most important things come first. And our immediate, you know, the people who have rights upon us immediately, obviously, they come before people who are further away

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from us, so we mustn't neglect their rights. However, that is something you want to make time for. And that literally means scheduling it in. I know that sounds a bit corporate, right. But I'm just sharing with you what I do, right? That is to literally

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apportion particular amount of time.

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And, you know, it doesn't have to be a huge amount of time

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for some Dao activity. So even if you started with, say, once a week, an hour a week, right, I think that's quite doable. You know, if we were to save time from other things that we do, and we literally set that time set an alarm on our phones, you know, with

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some warnings time as well before, so we can prepare.

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Then, just literally thinking about which area, which aspect of our you could make a contribution to, right. So there are so many areas, you know, there's not one particular area that is more important than another, we all have a role to play. Each and every single one of us has a role to play, we're not competing with each other, we're actually working together towards the same goal. So perhaps you might say, you know, my area is going to be my neighborhood, I really care about my neighborhood, my my immediate neighborhood or my city, my town. And I want to make I want to make a change in my town in my neighborhood.

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Or you might say, I'm, I would really like to make a contribution, perhaps, you know, like I did when I was at home with my baby through, you know, over the phone, on making a contribution to a radio program. Okay, well, you might say, actually, I'd like to write, you know, I've got writing skills, I'm going to, I'm going to use my writing as a means for now.

00:34:07--> 00:34:14

You might say, Good, I enjoy blogging. I just want to convey the message of Islam make it available over the internet.

00:34:16--> 00:34:27

Even social media can be a way can be used for good, it can be used for bad. So you could decide Actually, I'm going to set up a dour Facebook page, you know about a particular

00:34:28--> 00:34:31

topic, or particular area of Islam.

00:34:32--> 00:34:51

And conveying authentic information about that doesn't even have to be something that you've written from scratch. It can be things that you're copying, and for example, that Hadith or things like that, you know, and you're just literally adding to the positive voices on the internet

00:34:52--> 00:34:59

that are calling people to Allah. Perhaps you're not really into the Internet, and you might think okay, actually, I would rather

00:35:00--> 00:35:07

You know, meet people face to face and have something in my home like a circle or something where I will actually invite

00:35:08--> 00:35:25

people to come. I have a group of sisters. Mashallah, what they've done here is they enjoy knitting. No, you probably think knitting, knitting got to do with our right. What they did was they, they love knitting, and they just wanted to

00:35:26--> 00:36:22

start a dowel project. So what they did was they, they actually went to the local library, asked the library, if they could have a particular space once a week to start a knitting club. And they were given permission for that. They made some fliers, they invited more Muslims, just general, the general public women. And you know, the women just started turning up to their little knitting group once a week. And they would say that they would actually teach anyone who wanted to learn how to knit, how to knit, they would knit things like scarves, little, you know, booties for babies, hats, gloves. And they over over the last months and years, I've I've noticed they have actually produced

00:36:22--> 00:37:00

hundreds and hundreds of knitted items, which they, as a group, they donate to hospitals, children's hospitals, they donate abroad, you know, to children in need, in various from various backgrounds, even children who are from broken families, you know, it's upon us as a group, they've actually made a difference, not only in a charitable way, but it was an opportunity for them to get together with non Muslim women. And while knitting, you know, while enjoying a cup of coffee, literally talking to them, and sharing something about Islam with them.

00:37:02--> 00:37:08

And I know that the sisters have had at least one Shahada Through their efforts to Pamela.

00:37:10--> 00:37:49

And that's something so simple, really, something so enjoyable for them, but also, a means for making a difference and for engaging in power. So we need to get away from thinking that we have to do it in exactly the same way that has maybe become popular amongst brothers, right? So St. Our, for example, or having a Dallas table, right? That might not really suit most of our sisters, right? Because obviously, because of the job issues and you know, other other for various reasons.

00:37:51--> 00:38:09

But we can be creative, we can use the skills that we've got, we can use the things that we're into, as a means thinking of the power project for our area. Or we can use the internet, it's upon Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah has given us many, many

00:38:10--> 00:38:13

different routes and different means

00:38:14--> 00:38:36

for achieving this. And that literally takes a piece of paper, that's what you're gonna have to do. And that's your homework, by the way, sisters, have a piece of paper tonight, and literally think what is going to be your little dollar project, you know, it could be you as an individual. It could be, you know, getting together with a little group of sisters.

00:38:37--> 00:38:44

But some something that really speaks to you something that you could do and something that you feel passionate about.

00:38:45--> 00:38:50

And write about it. literally sit there, brainstorm about that project.

00:38:53--> 00:39:44

Don't spread yourself too thin. Because one of the things that people do is they get involved in every single dollar initiative, they can, they can, you know, get involved in and what that does is that makes us basically not able to contribute, as well as we would like to, it's actually better to start off with just one thing. And really go deep. So if blogging is going to be your thing, right? You can start a blog, and really learn how to do that blog in a good way, you know, nowadays on the intake and find how to do anything, you know, literally, you go to YouTube, you type in how to start my own blog, you type in, you know, how do I set up a website? How do I start my own mailing list,

00:39:44--> 00:39:51

whatever it is that you want to do, you can just do a search for it on the intent and the instructions will be there for you as a panelist, so

00:39:53--> 00:39:59

it takes a little bit of research. Right. It will take research, but I would recommend choosing

00:40:00--> 00:40:16

One thing, and going deep, rather than getting involved with loads and loads of different things, and just contributing to them in a kind of superficial way, or in a very kind of basic way, I would say better to choose one thing, and, you know, do it properly.

00:40:20--> 00:40:57

Another tip that I have is, yeah, I've already mentioned apportioning time for now, but it's actually better to have like, what, what people call block time, right? So you block time for that, meaning, instead of thinking, Okay, I'm just going to do a few minutes every day, you know, 10 minutes, every day, I'm going to contribute to this project, it's actually more effective to have say, one hour or one hour session than it is to have, you know, a shorter session, that then you do more frequently. And the reason for that is, whenever you're working on anything, you know,

00:40:59--> 00:41:17

it takes time for you to get into it takes time for you to build momentum. So obviously, depending on what exactly your project is, generally speaking, it's much better to block time and have, say, you know, one hour or something like that, that you apportion

00:41:18--> 00:41:19

to the project,

00:41:21--> 00:41:32

make a plan. So make a proper plan as to how you're going to go about doing this, right. So when I started out with the with the phonons, I literally decided,

00:41:33--> 00:41:47

every day, I would listen to the radio from a particular time period. Okay. And I would if there was something that I felt Islam could contribute to and that I wanted to convey to people,

00:41:48--> 00:41:52

I would phone it, and I would try and do that once a day. Right?

00:41:55--> 00:42:01

You can think of your own plan, you know, how often are you going to do it? How often are you going to be able to

00:42:03--> 00:42:05

conduct say, a circle, once a week, perhaps,

00:42:06--> 00:42:08

if you're going to do something in your neighborhood,

00:42:10--> 00:42:20

there was a wonderful project I heard about where some brothers had actually set up a helpline. And what they were doing is

00:42:21--> 00:42:40

they were not doing that through, you know, talking to people about Islam. But what they did was they were providing services for people in their neighborhood. So for the elderly people, you know, they would come and they would paint the house, or do any kind of odd jobs that needed doing for these elderly people.

00:42:42--> 00:43:11

Anyone who needed anything, could find them, you know, homeless people would come and visit their soup kitchen, which they had set up. And that is also another another aspect of, you know, doing good for people in society. And obviously, they can see that we are Muslims. So, you know, this is a means to doing that. If we wanted, we could have some bow materials there. So people, you know, if they're interested, they can have a look.

00:43:12--> 00:43:24

It might mean setting some time aside to learn some new skills, right? So whenever you're starting a new project, you're going to need to learn some new skills, maybe maybe you want to become more effective in

00:43:25--> 00:43:28

speaking about a particular aspect of Islam.

00:43:29--> 00:43:39

So you can apportion some time to making sure you have that skill by doing the research. And as I mentioned, so many of these things are now online.

00:43:40--> 00:43:51

So making a plan a realistic plan. Another aspect of juggling doubt with family is actually involving your family, actually involving your family.

00:43:53--> 00:43:54

So

00:43:55--> 00:44:44

in a way, enrolling your family into that vision, and I mean, your whole family. So it might mean literally having a meeting sitting down with your husband, with with your children, you know, if they're old enough, etc. And just saying, look, this is the sort of thing, this is the sort of family we want to be, we want to be a beacon of light in our community. We want to identify areas that need to be addressed. And we want to address those areas and make it something that the whole family is involved in. Because when we have buy in from our husbands and we have buy in from our family members in our immediate family, then it's much more sustainable, right? So if there's a

00:44:44--> 00:44:52

project or something that really means a lot to you, it's worth having an eating with your husband and literally, you know,

00:44:53--> 00:44:59

talking to him about how important that is to to you, and perhaps how he could contribute to it as well.

00:45:00--> 00:45:01

Right.

00:45:03--> 00:45:09

Another aspect of supporting Bower is fundraising for dour. So

00:45:11--> 00:45:14

fundraising is absolutely essential. If you think about this, I have yet

00:45:16--> 00:45:18

one of the ways that they used to contribute

00:45:20--> 00:45:30

to the advancement of Islam was that they donated their own jewelry, and they would actually, literally fundraise for the Dow. And that way.

00:45:31--> 00:45:35

Power means money, you know, it really does.

00:45:36--> 00:45:55

If you look at some of the Christian organizations, and how they're raising money, they raise, you know, hundreds of 1000s, if not millions, of dollars a year, for their missionary work. You know, there are missionaries who are literally

00:45:58--> 00:46:00

traveling abroad, and,

00:46:01--> 00:46:02

you know,

00:46:03--> 00:46:15

on their own, from their own pockets, that they pay to travel abroad in order to spread a message as they see it of Christ. You know, Pamela, so

00:46:16--> 00:46:18

I think it's really important for us to realize that

00:46:19--> 00:46:25

we might need to invest in our might need to use our own money, but this money is an investment.

00:46:26--> 00:46:41

And one of the ways we could contribute to that is to actually be a fundraiser for an hour. And never belittle that because, you know, if you fundraise for that organization, for example, it means that you will have

00:46:42--> 00:46:51

every thing that they can do with that money, you know, perhaps the Dow materials that they print, or the.is, that they might sponsor, etc, you'll get the reward for that.

00:46:54--> 00:47:07

And lastly, I just want to mention, there are so many aspects that I could mention, but I leave them for the question and answer session, so that we can be more specific to the needs of this group.

00:47:09--> 00:47:24

But one of the things I want to mention is the importance of routine, the importance of routine in the family, right? One of the best times to work on any kind of project is first thing in the morning, straight after fudger.

00:47:25--> 00:47:30

Now, you're not going to be able to do that if your home routine is chaotic.

00:47:31--> 00:47:34

And you know, believe me, I've been there, I know what it's like

00:47:35--> 00:47:48

to try and establish a routine. But the sooner we can have a good routine that works for everybody that allows us to also have time for certain things that we might need time for, the better, you know.

00:47:50--> 00:48:04

And that's something that we can we have to put effort into doing right? A family that wants to be effective, has to be a family that values time, that has fixed times for things like waking up in the morning for going to bed,

00:48:05--> 00:48:19

you know and for doing various things throughout the day so that each of our priorities can be given the time that they deserve. So inshallah sisters, I hope that some of that will have benefited you. And

00:48:20--> 00:48:36

I'll leave it for the question and answers and Charlotte for you know, any specific areas that anyone wanted to ask about. And with that, I will end subhanak Allahumma will be home digger eyeshadow La La Land as the field go out to Lake.

00:48:41--> 00:48:42

One of the sisters is saying

00:48:49--> 00:48:55

she's safe from where you were talking about family and husband important.

00:48:57--> 00:49:00

I didn't really understand that fully. I think you're asking.

00:49:04--> 00:49:10

Actually, I have no idea what you're asking. So please, could you write that question again? I'm

00:49:11--> 00:49:19

not saying this to fight my my daughter complains that I give dour and now she hates now. Do you have any advice?

00:49:22--> 00:49:23

I think

00:49:26--> 00:49:32

I'm guilty of this as well, actually. That sometimes when we're so engrossed in something

00:49:35--> 00:49:38

we don't give. I'm not saying that, you know, you're doing this system, but

00:49:40--> 00:49:45

we have to check ourselves, you know, are we giving the important people in our lives?

00:49:47--> 00:49:59

adequate attention, you know, because they have rights as well. I know one of the things my daughter does when she sees that I'm busy with something is she'll say to me, I'm not looking at me. I'm looking at me

00:50:00--> 00:50:29

And then she'll say, keep looking at me, she knows that, I'll look at her. And then as soon as I've looked out, I'll maybe start working on something. And she doesn't like that, no, she wants my full attention. She won't speak until, until I will keep looking at her. She says, and when I, when I fought when, when I heard her say that was that, somehow, like, you know, she wants me fully, she wants my full presence.

00:50:30--> 00:50:33

And so one of the things that I found has really helped,

00:50:35--> 00:51:24

is actually, the time when my children are at home, obviously, everyone has a different set up. But this is what has worked for me, the time that my children are at home, I would really give them my full attention, you know, and not be distracted, so easy to be distracted nowadays by the Internet, and you know, these other things. But while you wait, while we are with them, give them a good amount of time where we're literally fully engaged with them. And that doesn't mean you're just physically there, okay? Cuz Some of us are physically at home, but mentally, somewhere else. That's not the same thing. You know, our children know, when we're not, you know, emotionally and mentally

00:51:24--> 00:51:42

there. And I think they crave our full attention. And so what we really want to do is make sure that we're giving them that by being genuine, and really asking them about their day, and talking to them about their reality, because, you know,

00:51:43--> 00:51:58

these are the most precious years of their lives, we're never going to get these years back. We're never going to be as influential over our children as we are now. And, you know, our children should be our first our project, right?

00:52:00--> 00:52:05

So it can't be that we're doing something for everyone else.

00:52:06--> 00:52:24

Not for our, and not fulfilling the needs of our own family members. And that might mean sometimes literally, shutting off the bow for a while, you know, if there's a particular project that you're working on, because you're focusing on your family focusing on the needs of a particular child. Right.

00:52:26--> 00:52:34

And isn't that that's absolutely important, you know, it's not something that we should feel guilty about at all. Yeah, because

00:52:35--> 00:52:40

in the end, our children are our most important our project.

00:52:41--> 00:52:52

So I think it's really about letting our family members feel, and know that we are fully present with them when we're with them.

00:52:53--> 00:53:10

And yes, if we do have a particular time for our, you know, for our work, apportioning that time, and then letting them know, look, you know, I spent my time with you, and we've done what we needed to do. And now this is my time where I need to work on something, right?

00:53:12--> 00:53:59

I find that if we give our children their time first, you know what I'm talking about while they're awake, if we give them their time first, then they are less craving, they crave, they crave our attention less, and later on. So I hope that helps shala you know, it's always best, early in the morning, or, you know, the first thing to give them our full attention and really engage with them. If we have little children, play with them, you know, in writing in the morning, and then it's almost as if they're like satiated, you know, they're satisfied that they've had your attention they've had you had a part of you. And then I usually find that they're a lot more kind of easygoing

00:53:59--> 00:54:02

about, you know, me doing something else.

00:54:04--> 00:54:12

So I hope that helps. But apart from that, for me, I would avoid the times when my children are at home

00:54:13--> 00:54:19

for being distracted, you know, and doing other things unless they're involved in that.

00:54:22--> 00:54:24

So other Any other questions?

00:54:28--> 00:54:39

Sister saying some children need 24 hours a day? Yes. So I think all of us have times when we when we do have to give our children you know much more.

00:54:41--> 00:54:44

Especially if they're ill, you know, or if they have a particular

00:54:47--> 00:54:50

period in their life that they need that full attention.

00:54:52--> 00:54:57

However, I think a lot of the time it is about being more organized, you know, having a routine

00:55:00--> 00:55:01

There was this wonderful

00:55:03--> 00:55:07

health visiting really helped me when my children were young. And

00:55:09--> 00:55:44

she asked me, you know, what time do your kids go to sleep? And when they hurt when she heard the time, she was like, Oh, no, they should be going to sleep at seven, something, you know, I was like seven that's like so early, you know, when my kids were small. But she kind of really helped me to kind of think, really set a routine. And she said, we've just set in a time. And it doesn't matter if your main meal hasn't been cooked yet, maybe it's taking longer, etc. You give them an egg to eat, right? And you just put them to bed because you have set bedtime.

00:55:46--> 00:56:01

And I think that's quite important. You know, when you set bedtimes and you set their routine, and you apportion a moderate amount of time for every thing that's needed, then, in short, alone, our children can adapt to that, hopefully.

00:56:02--> 00:56:08

But yeah, I think, you know, everyone has their own individual circumstance, routine is very important.

00:56:10--> 00:56:13

I'll just round up inshallah, by saying that

00:56:17--> 00:56:24

one of the things that I really learned from my parents was that as a Muslim, you want to be like,

00:56:26--> 00:56:27

you want to be a beacon of light.

00:56:29--> 00:56:37

Wherever you go, right? You want to be a beacon of light wherever you go, and wherever you live. So

00:56:38--> 00:56:41

I noticed that my parents, whichever neighborhood they moved into

00:56:43--> 00:56:46

Subhanallah, that neighborhood got affected by their presence.

00:56:47--> 00:56:59

That's the sort of people we want to be. Right. So all the kids on that on our street would always come to our house to learn, right, my mom would teach them.

00:57:00--> 00:57:15

Or, you know, if we were in an area where there weren't many Muslims, my parents would always have a conversation with their neighbors that would have there would be patient with neighbors who are racist, or were, you know, a particular way to the point where,

00:57:16--> 00:57:40

you know, sometimes my mom would have the most racist kind of neighbors, but then, because of her continuous patience and kindness towards them, they would just melt and become, you know, so helpful towards my mom. Right? And he was like, the, you know, a different person, because over time, they had softened,

00:57:41--> 00:57:45

you know, because of the positive effect of my parents.

00:57:46--> 00:58:25

And I really learned from that, that, you know, wherever we live as Muslims, wherever we are, we want to be like a beacon of light. You know, that our neighborhood, our society is impacted by our presence. We're not just, you know, a nameless, faceless person who's just has absolutely no effect on anything that happens in society. You know, the Prophet sallallahu sallam, he, before he was die, or before he was a prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he was known for

00:58:26--> 00:58:42

his character. He was known for his good actions, his kindness, his helping of the needy, his humility, his truthfulness, he was known for all of those things. And so we mustn't belittle those things. Sometimes we think Tao is just

00:58:43--> 00:58:45

talking right and telling people

00:58:46--> 00:58:58

it's not just that at all, because we see in the actions of the Prophet salallahu alaihe salam, he softened people's hearts, through his actions through his kindness through his generosity and giving

00:59:00--> 00:59:01

and we've got to do that too.

00:59:02--> 00:59:06

So I hope inshallah sisters that that

00:59:07--> 00:59:10

little webinar was useful to you.

00:59:12--> 00:59:32

Please take some of the tips that I've mentioned and apply them you know, get a piece of paper tonight. Think of your week plan your week plan your year, even I plan my year, right? Doesn't mean I have to stick to it. 100% but generally speaking, I plan my whole year I have all year planner, and I plan my year

00:59:35--> 00:59:38

and a lot time for our whether it's weekly,

00:59:39--> 00:59:44

you know, or whether it's even daily depending on what kind of project you want to do.

00:59:45--> 00:59:46

Make her

00:59:47--> 00:59:59

brainstorm you know the types of ideas that you want to implement in your own area. Don't do too many things because that usually takes up a lot of time. Everyone has their role, too.

01:00:00--> 01:00:08

Placing, we don't want to do everything, you know, we can do one thing and do it properly do it, well learn how to do it well.

01:00:10--> 01:00:54

And then keep going. Keep doing it. And when you keep doing something, you get better at it. There's a wonderful book that I just finished reading called talent is overrated. It's called talent is overrated, and forgotten the name of the author, but you can look it up. And in that book, it, it really highlights how sometimes we think, oh, people have talents. They're born with these talents. But actually, they're not. Actually, most of the people who we think of as successful in any particular field are that way, because they've just done it a lot longer. And they've done it again and again. And they push themselves beyond their comfort zone. Right.

01:00:56--> 01:00:58

These are just some of the things that the book highlights,

01:00:59--> 01:01:00

you know,

01:01:01--> 01:01:25

the best speakers that you know, they became the best speakers because they just spoke and spoke and spoke and spoke, and they went to give talks. And they might not have been that good at the beginning, right. But they got better. They learn better skills, and they listened to themselves and improve themselves. Right. And that goes for every,

01:01:27--> 01:01:28

every area of life.

01:01:29--> 01:01:33

There's a wonderful quote that I read the other day that really

01:01:34--> 01:01:46

sums up actually how you can sometimes feel when you're starting out. You know, sometimes you think, Oh, well, I'm not, I don't have that skill. I'm not like that. You know, and that's the wrong way to think because,

01:01:48--> 01:01:50

as the quote, Went,

01:01:51--> 01:01:51

went,

01:01:54--> 01:01:55

that you don't have to be

01:01:57--> 01:02:19

great to begin. But you have to begin in order to become great, right? You don't have to be great in order to begin, but you do have to begin in order to become great. And that's what it's really about, just take the first steps begin and keep going and keep going and keep going and persevere.

01:02:21--> 01:02:32

Because that's another characteristic of successful people that they persevere longer than anyone else, you know, when everyone else has given up, and everyone else has written themselves off.

01:02:34--> 01:02:37

Successful people will continue.

01:02:38--> 01:02:44

And just think of the prophets, you know, how many times were they spurned? How many times were they rejected,

01:02:45--> 01:02:46

they were

01:02:47--> 01:02:51

labeled things they were given, you know, they were sanded.

01:02:52--> 01:02:58

And yet they kept going, kept persevering. That's what we have to do keep persevering.

01:03:00--> 01:03:07

So inshallah sisters, I will leave you with that, you can visit my Facebook page and know if you want you can

01:03:08--> 01:03:12

discuss anything you want with me over there. And just keep in touch in general.

01:03:14--> 01:03:25

So, hopefully, we will be in touch again soon, in some way perhaps on a future webinar. And with that, I will end because I can see there are no more

01:03:27--> 01:03:28

questions.

01:03:29--> 01:03:52

So just knock on the law head. And like cept from you your intention, you know, to be involved in power. And in Sharla, just take the steps towards it and alone will help you because that's all a lot waits for you waits for us to take the step. He waits for us to take the means. The one we see when he sees that we want something badly enough.

01:03:54--> 01:04:21

He meets us and gives us the solution he gives us the path and opens the doors for us. So in sha Allah, May Allah help you in all of your endeavors, May Allah help us to raise you know, excellent children and righteous children and to have strong families that are our families. That's what I like to call us. Our families in Sharla. It's a mommy

01:04:22--> 01:04:28

little mini doll organizations. That's what our families up jobs.

01:04:29--> 01:04:39

Do visit you know, the IRS website we have things like that or materials you have neighbors that that will material that you can give out to your neighbors with a cake maybe you know,

01:04:41--> 01:04:48

we have little cards and little gift our gift boxes and things like that, you know you can just look into

01:04:51--> 01:04:55

but find your area find find the thing that you feel passionate about.

01:04:57--> 01:05:00

Look around you have the needs of your community

01:05:00--> 01:05:00

Let's see

01:05:01--> 01:05:03

then go French