Channel: Edris Khamissa
Salam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
Welcome to our latest namita nice reviews Thursday morning and a very special time of the week Alhamdulillah we are joined on the line by our guest from Durban brother Idris honey sizes were Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.
Welcome to Salaam
barakaatuh. My most beloved Milena. I miss me Don't talk to each other. And what I do I cry myself to sleep and
don't cry too much.
Ice won't be able to look at all the important things you have to see.
Very, very well. Unless you can just say how are you keeping on the lab busy as usual? Thank you. Yes. Last
in London for some program students.
Yeah, I was there. I did. programs in Manchester, a youth program and I did a parenting program. Then I have an organization called fourth ethical trust. I did a workshop seminar for them in bulk. But she does tomorrow. And that was on the Monday and Monday night came back to London Tuesday. At the meeting, it used to be slump office on Tuesday, Tuesday move on to social costs. And Thursday, I returned and I'm
very successful trip and I met some wonderful
individuals, you know, people that are doing so much for the cause and young, beautiful, vibrant, energetic. So when you meet such people and you see Mexico to Allah, that these we as Muslims must never lose hope we should be eternal optimist, and know that Allah will won't prevent, notwithstanding the challenges you as a woman are facing across the world.
Yes, there are tremendous challenges facing the oma from every direction. And it is very, very easy for a Muslim in this time, to, to to feel the strain of the huge pressure that is on us. And, you know, while Alhamdulillah we enjoy a great amount of religious freedom and a great amount of protection of our Deen, particularly. Now we are being exposed to many different types of threats, potential threats as well. And even to our own safety, as well and seeing Muslims in different parts being directly attacked. It makes us also fearful and apprehensive as well. And we need to we need to just keep our heads up and keep positive in the situation as well. And I'm so glad that you're
talking about that. That you know, sometimes we can take our freedoms for granted. And many people outside of our country NBS
in the many of us, of course, we are Muslims at Delta 50 challenges on a personal level and economic level, on a social level and emotional level. That is a collective in terms of our freedom to practice we do is still there and it's not something that necessarily is permanent. It is important for us not to be smug and complacent that our leadership in every way and needs to ensure that we understand our environment and need to understand what is the role of a Muslim inverted commas minority in a closed society? How do we project the deen what should be our interaction and the level of our interaction? Should we be insular and isolated live in our little cocoon?
creating our own kind of
an activity is fundamental. What we do because the perception out there has to be a positive one. And it's often based on the own interaction, their own subjective understanding of Islam and Islam the message we get from other parts of the world and that tends to be a very sad day when the issues that separated us in medieval parties have become a really a recurring nightmare. So inshallah on our own personal level, the way we interact with our amongst
our employees, how we interact with wider society with colleagues in the workplace appears at school is something fundamental for individuals outside of faith to have an understanding about who Muslims are, and the natural extension of education is our
The question is, are we being that john sublette. In fact, you know, without sounding like a prophet of doom, I am very, very concerned about us, South Africans and several other parts of the world. I know, years ago when I was in America, the brothers that came from the other parts of the world celebrating the freedom, and after September 11, things have changed quite radically. And in the UK, our brothers and sisters were celebrating their freedom, and they too at the moment are subjected to so much of scrutiny, institutions are subjected to so much of supervision and inspection, and the media that was far more more mature media, the media in America seems to be also embracing some of
the the negative aspects of a phobia, the ways of projecting Muslims and so and there was a time when attacks against Western wealth sector now it is much more blatant is much more direct and brutal. And I think that is the time for us to think about our individuality to think about only me myself I and my immediate family is something that is
typical to Islam is something that we need to be looked at that we concern ourselves the bigger picture
and it is very ridiculous opportunity to welcome our listeners as well onto the program and please SMS or call in on 1854154 he can SMS on 0731738461 inshallah, we will share your thoughts with
the listeners is learning German as is and it is by some of the issues that you have been dealing with over the past few weeks.
Andre had a successful program as well with the use of Tinder and
like a very, very successful and umbrella the tomato challenge, new this agenda, London blessing is really
reminding the potential Yes, to do great things abdomen, UK, and also in the clinic langma you know, and most of us in the background and lucky and under the lemon law, give them opportunity to do the right thing so they can use that to jump in. And every program as we do. And this morning and umbrella just come I had the good fortune
to work at the beach side with the two of my flatmates from 14 years ago
from Middle Earth and also benefited from them with the knob the damage to the pharmacy and also removed another entry the pharmacists from the VA checking in incredible I was telling them you know that we are now talking we are almost getting more senior in life. And so this is not incredible, but we need talking about Allah medicinal allow us and then we stick with ICC speaking about the youth. And I said remember the conversations we had we knew at the university It was not much
different, you know what you will always speak about an assembly line
lab it was grown in maturity and we learn from the mistakes of the past. inshallah we pray that the youth also pick up the candles and do the right things. Anyway, manana. Let me talk about the issue that we always deal with serious issues. And before I deal with that issue, there is a story I would like to read the you know, which I came across, and I would like people, especially those that are contemplating divorce,
you know, to listen to this, can I do this? Yes. It's a very, very attractive, really
evocative and provocative as possible.
When I got home that night as my wife dinner,
I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you.
She sat down and ate quietly.
Again, now observe the first night.
Suddenly, I did not know how to open my mouth.
I had to let them know what I was thinking. I want to be Ross.
I raised the topic, Kami.
To be annoyed by my word is said she asked me softly. Why?
I avoided that question. This made me angry. She took
with chopsticks and sheltered me, you are not meant.
That night. We did not talk to each other.
She was weeping.
I knew she wanted to find out what it happened to our meant
that I could hardly give a satisfactory answer.
She had lost my heart to gain. I did not love her anymore. I just pictured her.
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement, who stated that she could own our house, our car, and 50% stake of my company. She last glanced at it, and then put it into pieces.
The woman with the full life of me had become the stranger.
I felt sorry for a waste of time, the source name, but that could not take back what I said.
So I love Jane, so dearly.
Finally, she cried loudly in front of me, which was a, which was expected to be a cry was actually a kind of relief.
The idea of the Ross who took of me for several weeks, simply firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home late and found the writing something at the table. I didn't have supper went straight to speed and fell asleep very fast. Because I was tired after we went to they would be when I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care. So I turned it over. And I turned over other and was asleep again.
In the morning, she presented the divorce condition
she did not want from the news a month notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal as possible life.
reasons are simple. Our son had his exam in the month time, and she didn't want to disrupting with a broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more just to recall how I carried into a dressing room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month duration. I came out of the bedroom to the front door every morning. At first you're going crazy. Just to make our last week to get available, accepted our odd requests. I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions
so loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what she applies. He has to face the divorce. She said constantly. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact with my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son slept behind us. That is all nominees arms. These words brought a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room bench the door. I walked over to the design moms. She closed eyes and said softly. Don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put it down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second date water protected much more
easily. She needed name on my chest that could spell the fragrance of a blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realize you're not young anymore. They will find wrinkles on the face. Her hair was growing our marriage a toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day when I looked it up. I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was a woman who had given 10 years of her life to me. On the fifth day I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I did not tell Jane about this
to Kenya as a month slip by two that they really work out made me stronger.
choosing what to wear one morning, she tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. When she sighed or my dresses have gone bigger. I suddenly realized that she had gone
could not carry or more easily. Suddenly,
she had so much pain and sickness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and just ahead. Our son came in the moment and said dad is tend to carry money out to him seeing his father can be
a central part of his life. My wife gets to come closer, and how tightly I turn my face away because of the things I might change.
I might change my mind at this last minute. I didn't have any noms, walking from the bedroom, to the second room to the hallway. I had surrounded my neck softly and naturally, I chose I held the body lightly. It was just like already they
are much lighter. We still said on the last day when I held in my arm, the mobile step. I was suddenly gone to school. I heard that I said, I had no personal life and let intimacy I drove through offers the mark the car safely, without locking the door or the fade. Any delay would make me change my mind. I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door I secure Sally Jane. I did not want to be lost anymore. She looked at the astonish and don't touch my forehead. You have a fever. She said, I move the hand of my head. Sally Jane. I said I will not divorce. My marriage life is boring because she and I did not realize the details of our lives. Not because not love each other. We know. Now I
realize the suits I carry them to my home on a wedding day, I suppose to hold on to the doors
to suddenly wake up to being allowed slept and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away at the floral shop on the way I ordered a display of flowers for my wife. The same girl asked me what to write on the
until the stress part that is nice
spies on my face. I ran upstairs so need to find a way to get
and I were so busy with Jane
she knew that she would die sooner she wanted to save the from what negative reaction thoughts and etc push through the divorce.
It's nice to know I said
I'm a loving husband.
The small details online so what really baptismal relationship is not mentioned the car the property the money in the bank. DHP is an environment conducive for happiness, but cannot do happiness themselves to find time to be a positive
dude, those things for each other that intimacy if you're not in a relationship Now, remember this the second or third time around is never too late. If you do manage meaningful life famous people who did not realize how close to make to success, when they gave up
most of the story for me
because when I deal
with the situations in our community, yet so many of us sabotage our own happiness.
Because of the love, send our selfish needs, we give up on those that is supposed to love.
It did not look at them more beautiful i what i that inshallah continue to stick together in the study later tomorrow.
very touching story this way. And it is the story of many people's lives. And it reminds me of an article that we discussed on one of our vantage programs. We, the person who writes it describes the spring of marriage, the summer of marriage, the autumn of marriage in the winter of marriage, and how throughout those seasons, sometimes it's good, sometimes it's tough, but we have to remain resilient and we have to remain committed. That is the important part of our marriages.
Daily you know Mawlana So when do we need to make informed decisions? And you know, this is make people want to move from one
person to the other geeky, define happiness. No, it's not like that. It's not about the other person is how much you are prepared to invest in the other person, how much you are prepared to involve yourself, the other person to understand the other person to understand the other person's individuality to understand what they need. I mean, you know, I deal with this, you know, and the story really touched me because I'm dealing with a couple who really decided that he either is reified to be to be prepared to accept him because he was married someone else. Or if not, you're not prepared to do that. Then you want to separate from her. I really when I read this story, I felt
like to share this with him to make him understand that in a region not make decisions like this, you know, happiness is not something you're trying to find people no matter who they embrace the life of will never find happiness, because in the end is about what you need to do you know, so that one particular issue I was dealing with, if you're not me, I am the brightness monitor and I can tell
it isn't going to take a short break now in Shell energy. And when we come back, we will continue with this discussion listeners are welcome to send the message through 0731738461 can call in as well after the break on 11854 and 548.
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It's 23 minutes before 12 Welcome back to our master con lady Islam International. And welcome back to our guest brother Idris camisa.
It is a, we just listened to that emotional touching story. It's very interesting story. And sometimes we forget what our, the depth of the relationship that we have with our partners because we are seeing them all the time and this is human nature is when you see something all the time and you see when something is with you, then you don't value it images, the other day I saw a picture, somebody tweeted the value of things at different stages value of things, before you have it is very, very high. And you know you really wanted that thing is very important to you. While it's in your hand, the value becomes very less, after you lose it, suddenly the value of that item has
increased tremendously again, and this is this is the reality of our lives. So that's the point. That's why it's so important for all of us to live consciously and with intentionality, to understand that we are not a being that we are going to die. And is it not incredible that when you invest in apartment relationships, and TLM lousy invest knew that you can pay with some conviction that when you die, someone would would be speaking to Allah to be asking Allah to forgive you because of the number of individuals that have been acromion outside. And that is fundamental. And we are something Citroen magazine, it's very easy for them to talk, you know, they don't know what
challenges I go through. All of us go through challenges. And you go to a challenge numbers, large numbers, but the most profitable luck, but you are the most beloved of a lot creation. And I'm not just those that you love. And I think it's important that in the world that we are living with change is such a permanent thing that we live, connected lifestyles, that when you come home, you want to unwind you do not be an advisor, for family, and be there give them the support. Of course, we're not suggesting that all our systems are innocent individuals, of course, we've got to make sure the home is a conducive environment, the demand does not come Magnum does not come to a warm
day people are complaining all the time. And the way the families are getting up against the breadwinner of the house, wherever the person might be important to make the home the century a place of celebration, a place of love
and needed to be you could share what's in your heart. And these are fundamental things. I think that's
very important. I get to come across and I get to come across,
any individual, especially a man, especially a man, that may be an exception, that the vast majority, I get to come across any group of people who could say with conviction that my wife passed away, and I have no regrets. I have no regrets. I have absolutely no regrets. And those who have no regrets me, also in a means ought to be the law. Sometimes, we may have a perception that we are wonderful, individual wonderful. There's one aspect. The other point one on if I could just talk about something else
is the whole issue today is sometimes we just happen when couples have to divorce. And I think that they've tried everything humanly possible. But the new challenge is about the penalty. Now, you find that sometimes I didn't imagine it our fathers are guilty of it as to compensate for the athletes. What they do is attempt to pay them to do all kinds of things. The intention is not so much to give the child material support is to expose the other person. And I think it's important for couples even in this debate, Brady, if they have not done it during the marriage, at least to have a civil relationship that relationship in which they could be respected by law.
declared father and mother to make sure that did not give the child conflicting messages to the child does not manifest one against the other. And two very important there are many issues of husband and wife who fight and say nasty things to each other. The way boy, he is spending the weekend with a father that the father was dead mouth, the mother, investing is about physicality that is about and what what are you trying to do? Are you trying to score points, and who are you then you don't damage damaging your spouse, your spouse is damaging the child, you're scanning a child for life, they will now be individuals and become an embarrassment, sadly, but that is a very,
very important. The other thing I mentioned quickly to discuss we've got time, no, I'm coming across this. So so often. And as you can before, I know all of us think that our kids ages, between the ages, even with the knowledge that if you for example, yes, something nasty from your doctor regarding the spouse, while you may need to show some understanding and empathy, you got to make sure that what you are hearing is the true story. You're stopping misinformation or interpretation. Because that's what happens. You might react in a negative day, then your daughter might be the cause of the problem. That's one. The third thing is we learn to say no, our kids, mostly we can go
with the opposite sex, and we want to get married to them. When you get a father, who tells the daughter that individually isn't worthy of you, he does not have a good track record because you are inverted commas, we love what happens not prepared to seek the advice. And this is a huge, huge issue also, that it is important for parents to have open lines of communication with the children. The other thing that is also critical is
your son or daughter is a recovering drug addict. If you had one or two things that you used to do that were negative, that can crop up in the medical home, it's important to share that with the other party. Because I think it's unfair to people just blindly into a knowledge meant
that there are possibilities that that that had my pa ugly head.
So this is the great challenges, the great type of difficulties that Omar is facing. Another issue that came up in that I'd like to perhaps get your advice on is
a person is married, but having a friendship with a
person of the opposite gender that is no way in no way related to them. And what sort of effect this has on themselves and their spouses on the marriage and the relationship. Is it healthy, to have a friendship of intimacy and intimacy in terms of physical intimacy, but intimacy in terms of emotional intimacy, you know, confiding in one another at cetera. You know what, let me tell you that the very few men can have a platonic relationship with a woman.
Most men become emotionally entangled with them. And as a result, what can you tell me whisper and as a result, what happens is you're opening the door to attention, you're appealing the door for seduction, you open your door to infidelity. And this is an issue. And one person said, No, I like to tell you know, Jonathan Larson, remember, you know, it's
not a completely different. So this is
very, very unhealthy, garbage, those kinds of relationships. And you'll find that some men will say no, but I don't have an issue with that is that relationship, electronic though it might be, how detached might be mostly is it creates insecurity that
the expense of spending time with your spouse or the the extent of fulfilling your medical responsibilities, then is problematic, and enjoy for whatever reason has issues with it, then I think we need to respect that because the last thing
Do you want to create a sense of doubt, a sense of inadequacy, you don't create a sense of insecurity.
And this is, I wouldn't say that it's a common occurrence. But it is something that can happen very easily seeing the different types of activities that we get involved in, and being in social work, etc, in different in a work environment as well. And it's very easy to say that, in a similar to the story that you laid out earlier, that is that is a platonic relationship of any blossoms, into a into this intimate relationship known as
a soul, right. And, you know, I will be plenty, you know, thinking about a number of things.
For me, it worries me when I look around, and people ask me the
eternal optimist phenomena, that when I look around, I'm starting to
think about the future is gone, you know, they will tell you themselves protect the trends
in terms of protecting the so called application defending them, and not being affected by the negative things that are happening in our community. And you find that it
takes a whole village to bring up a child, there was a time, you know, when if you were in any place at any time, every individual out there was your conscience, and you got to make sure that you maintain a dignity and decorum, you made sure that you not flagrant in the things that you did not abusive, then you
walk into the shopping malls today. And you can't believe what is happening is not suggesting the shopping malls are bad, but I'm suggesting is when people go there with bad intentions, then that can be problematic. So in render monana, the long and short of it on is that we are marking days, we need to inshallah, make sure that we do not make the mistake that they made, we need to look at where the institution of marriage, we need to make sure that our children themselves, they are taught that it is a non social equity instrument of values. And and this is the whole point. The whole point today is what are the values that we found that what are the values that informs our
behavior. And today in worship money, those money suck up to those that got money, yet those in some of those individuals without the money.
And the question is, is that I'm not saying money is necessarily a bad thing. It's about our value system. Or when we speak to someone with money, when we disagree with them, know why, because the fear that it might impact negatively on the relationship. But if you are speaking to someone will listen, you may affect
how you speak to them, and the whole thing, and they'll grow up in that kind of system. We measure success by that we measure that Oh,
my mom is so successful. Now living alone, not
knowing the head of the organization is only the following properties and
properties must be happy for people.
They do not look after institutions that reported that you must be happy But unlike happy with that people walk with dignity people, respect the community, the children will not be disruptive to the family and will not. And because what is shocking, is shocking. I mean, when I do something you cannot be surprised. The kids grew up in a home that was
between the child and
the father and mother look later. You know what I do not condone it but to be blamed for that too long to understand, turning out in a manner to us because it makes sure the home environment is conducive to the spiritual growth. They understand who they are. They learn to respect themselves the second exercise they have a deep and profound love for me fell in love with them. So I was speaking about a mixed bag of items today. I think as individuals we know exactly. from one to 10. We are building a relationship with Allah
We are in relationship with our family, we are dealing with the
terms of leaving a legacy, the people of significance.
That's the important factor. We need to welcome our listeners to SMS, I see this very quiet listeners, I don't need to even listening to the program. I was just talking to ourselves.
And I think, you know, if I were to visualize taking copious notes, some of them and then ask them to come and share that with them. Like to believe that
when they interact with us, they could disagree with that. Because share perspective, because one on our lecture itself, I like to learn every day from everyone. And they might share some stories with us reinforce it, and need to get in shape. For example, maybe the story that I shared on the radio had an impact on them, what it made them deflect, because in the end, we want people like ourselves to become better for the believer not to do that.
will never give any prizes. I was about the offer price, but no, no.
Okay, so let's let's ask the listeners to call in and 11854154 if you can SMS as well, SMS is also quite, quite slowly it is by But nevertheless,
we continue with our program each season. Listen as a Muslim at any time to contribute or to share with us any thoughts that they may be having.
It is by just a final note in challenges to
round up the program for today in German, as is your final words of advice. My final word is this.
You know, just tell you, you know, and I came back on Friday, from London when I came, came out to the airport, a few one of my friends, Professor Katz in Denver. So as today's agenda for the numbers, I know so many people are not ordinary transport, you know. So in benefits, we know a texture is going to fetch him and drop me home. And there was a young guy there, who drove a very pleasant person dropped me home. And last night on Friday with a Korean guy. On Friday.
He passed away, he passed away pastor, we want to shock about these things. And the reason I'm sharing that is you don't know whether you'll be alive tomorrow, you don't know whether I'd be alive to see this congregation through. It is so important. It's so important that you know, every day as a teacher last day, and not saying that you must walk around you know, this only spiritual and you know, there's no smiling and whatnot apart from that we got to have a perspective in our life. So my final comments, please modality assistance before you constantly think about it. And secondly, make sure that your kids grew up with the right kind of value. So that they knew that you know for real
they're gonna pray for you. And
last but not least, we are bound to lead is no place for mediocrity in Islam.
When are you going to be a leader for all of us? are leaders in our own?
Most announced you and I no longer look after your
Selam Aleykum hora de la vaca Tisha congealed into my studio operated this morning brotherhood and sukrin to you all for listening. From Juanita Sato Salaam Alaikum alikum warahmatu Allahi wa barakato