Tap into your potential – 24.10.2013

It's just one eight minutes after 11 A Salaam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

Welcome to our Masaryk on radio Islam International. We've had a

little bit of challenges in our studios in Atlanta we had a massive lightning strike on Friday afternoon which then caused damage to a computer, the studio equipment and few other things as well. Around the mesquite area in Amarillo with Al Hamdulillah overcoming these challenges all of these tests from Allah subhana wa tada and back on the line today but on the phone line nevertheless insha Allah has he is looking forward to a program with you this morning. Our program today as always on a Thursday we will be speaking to our guest for the Idris camisa. Idris is at the moment in the UK and inshallah Aziz will be speaking with us via about his trip there. And about our regular feature

social responsibility, the social issues that we have and the number of challenges that we face and how to overcome those challenges. inshallah that's all coming up on our full program this morning. On aromatic we'll be we'll be linking up to it is camisa in just a few minutes inshallah Stay tuned to Andreas dam International. CNC fabric in bridal Santa has a winning combination of luxurious and sophisticated fabric transforms you talk about luxury fabrics. Our haberdashery department has the latest accessories visit our bridal department for the evening where fabrics from the masters of design unique and individually styled beaded pure soap and shields from the most talented creators

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it's 14 sF 11 SLM YT calm Welcome back to elementary econ ladies time internationals Thursday morning my guest with me on the line all the way from the UK. Whether it is camisa cinema de como de la Vela kirtle walaikum salam wa rahmatullah wa barakato so nice to get your mellifluous voice all the way from back home Alana How you doing? Very, very well hamdulillah Shakur is is by good to hear your voice all the way from the UK. We're about in the UK today. At the moment I get very, very dear friends place for Nadia and his wife Amira in the in a place near Wembley, and such kids spend the night here and visit them. And but I came in earlier last week, Friday, and on Saturday and Sunday I

did a two day parenting program at Prince Mary's University. Then on Monday I went to Gloucester I went to the school there. And I think these the Mufti Patel actually studied in he knows you studied in were in zodwa. Right? So I gave a talk at the school. Then I met with the mothers in the evening I met with the fathers. Then on Tuesday, I was in Manchester I was at the school did the motivation day I met to the mothers in the evening, give a talk at the mosque. And then I then I came in yesterday and tomorrow we're going to Nottingham to do a program then Thursday Saturday, a another full day parenting program and Monday and we plan your school to do something and the following

weekend. Two programs when I come back on Sunday the third inshallah Okies intervene be in

the UK for quite some time. So inshallah he under the law, you know,

it's very interesting, you know, meeting the people listening to the challenges, and the, you know, everywhere you go, I think, generally the issues are the same. You find that, whether it's a cultural thing, pressing, South Africa, liquid more expressive about your emotions and feelings. And you find that when we, when I speak to people, I don't want to load to generalize.

For them to communicate, and express their love for the spouses in the children. Some of them find it very, very hard, because I remember, in Gloucester, I asked them to check the Father, and tell them that you love them. Many of them fall, it's so so hard, you know, I said to them, you know, when you bury your father, your kids are not so much at the loss of your father, but the loss of your opportunity to tell him long before he died on numerous occasions, that you love him, you're praying for him, and to connect with them, you know? So these are practical things, I think sometimes, we place so much of emphasis on our relationship outside the home, the external, the

minor piece, no choose to show a lot of sensitivity. But because we see our family every day, it's really easy to take that for granted. And you'll find that many of us we need our the gift so often, often, often, most people about the dynamics at home, you know?

Yes, we always have these secrets that is either with our parents or with our children or with our spouses that once we lose them or when we are separated for from them then we realize the value of those people. And that is the only time that we realize that we haven't fulfilled the rights and the Jews the way we were supposed to be fulfilling them. Yeah, and it's one area and the other is

idea is this, you know,

sometimes when you know, when children grow up in a home, forget about love not being expressed. But when the bitterness and anger when the mum and dad, for example, haven't spoken to each other for such a long time, and then but the same parents show love to the children. But it really pains me so much to see, the parents so invested, did not talk to each other, and Amina more for us. And it's becoming quite common. But the numbers are increasing. What do we do? I mean, how should we go about doing this, I said to them, very clearly, I mean, they will regret with the continuing until they die, they're going to definitely regret it. Because what you are doing, you are sabotaging

possibility, you are staying together, you're not fat, you're separated, and you can really improve the situation. And I don't know why people do this, you know, I don't know why people are so

unforgiving. They are so resentful. And you find that basically with children, you know, we sometimes fail to understand, you know, how children, when they grow up in this home, they are really psychologically and emotionally scarred. And they themselves, you know, notwithstanding how virtuous they are, you know, with no matter what they try

to retain, you know, foster a positive relationship with their spouses, but these things really, really affect them, you know, because they, because they grew up in a home, where they themselves could not expect the feeling. And the attitude, there wasn't any conversation there. And this is what is quite

disconcerting.

It is very, in the UK, in the parenting workshop that you attended, I'm sure there were questions and answers that you attended to in the parenting workshop?

Being in the university, was it in a crowd of exclusively Muslims? Or was it an open crowd? Because it was a Muslim crowd, they were people. I mean, look at the people travel, some of the travel from a drove three hours to come for it, you know, there were lots of professional people coming for the program. And it was something for me, it's the first time I did a program like this at the, at the university. And, you know, Alhamdulillah

in the main, it was very well received many, many, many prayers, initially, there is a reluctance. You know, I like I mean, there's one sister who spoke to the end, she said, you know, she'd never ever felt settled in a life, you know, she didn't, you know, her parents have been moving from one country to another country, one city to another city. And there was absolutely no stability, because she could not find the identity when people asked her Who are you suppose he was he was, you know, it was an issue of identity is also very important. Because it gives you the ability gives you an understanding. And in fact, you know, then she sent me an email to say that how this is really,

really impacted on her marriage, you know, and he says that, because of that, the medic may not work out. So that was one aspect. And I think the issues, you know, 80% of the issues are same issues that we find ourselves in South Africa, right? And but to be credited to the clip, see what I really

admire of

many of them, you know, many of them will claim that they are kind of people would attend any cause will be regarded as Sharia, or developing themselves. And they're very deceptive. And you'll find that, I mean, there was a professor there also, who came there. And I was really very touched by his own humanity. And so the Chris the same, the questions are about their nephew, husband, wife, it's about children about sibling rivalry. It's about, you know, creating in our children, a deep, deep, profound love for Islam, not only to do the ritual, but also to have an intellectual understanding of why they're doing what they're doing. Because in that way, you know, as we always say, it's not

so much the how of Salah for the wild fella from the sticky to non Muslim. And the question is asked, for example, why do you go for Hajj, why do you why you

Do this why you do that. And when we do not internalize it in ourselves, then you'll find that, you know, difficult to sustain the same kind of faith and passion. And the other challenges here is because the people generally are not as expressive as we are, they believe many of them leave very often isolated experiences and coming from one place to the other late at night work isn't all that and, but, but at the same time, they are also wonderful example of individuals who really have a wonderful family life. And I said to myself, you know, some of the individuals that are involved with organizations,

and the obstacles are far greater than

our ethical obstacles. It's about logistics. Sadly, I was getting people there. And lots of good work is taking place 234 minutes after 11 you're listening to American radio Stan International. My guest this morning is brother Idris camisa is speaking to us from the UK. And we are welcoming your questions anything that you would like to ask it is by zero double 18541548. Alternatively, you can SMS on 07317384610731738461. And Razzies

will pose the questions to Idris by

his way, on this issue of the greatest regret that we have is not fulfilling the rights of those within our very home. And those were directly associated with it is common, and it is often a regret. Because we are always so much preoccupied with the people outside of our homes, we are so much involved in their problems in their lives. And especially in the in this field that we are in of social work and counseling. It also it sometimes could happen like that, also that, you know, one person would call you a second person would call you. And your whole evening at home is just involved in phone calls, and the problems that your own family members are facing, sometimes

ignored. You know, that's true, right. But before I respond to that, I think more than that, the other issue. The other issue is that when we are interacting with people with our family, or otherwise, we are not present, you know, we're not present emotionally, physically and spiritually. And you'll find that if people talk to you, because you're preoccupied, you do not respond to them authentically. And that's a real issue. And therefore even when we didn't have a salon, our mind is away from salon as a result, we did not attain the Sakina in the comfort of your to have. So that's also something very important that even if the time we spend with our family may not be as much as

you ought to. And of course we must look at we are prioritizing our life and make your family the single most important priority. Then in VA, you see because there are people who are not involved with the community. We're not involved with public affairs, who do not get phone calls

from people, but with their own family, a lot of issues with them. Now they've gone to the other extreme. So I think the critical lesson is that we must make sure that the family life is an important component of our life, that in debt accordingly, we meet record for members of family, that expected deserve, that we interact with them that we play with them, we help to unleash the potential that we support them in whatever way we can. And of course, does not protect them from the consequences of the behavior. But when you come to the situation, when a person is involved, you know, in public affairs, is involved in responding to the pain, the concern of the collective, I

think, you know, we need to have a balance, you want to have a balance. And something that I try is when I get home, I make sure my phone is on silent,

silent and now only 11 I feel I can respond to the cause, then I will respond to it and depending again, on the urgency, because even when you're involved with issues in the community, you also need some space, you need some space, because it can be unrelenting, you know, it just it never ends. Because as you know, the situation no own country. It's only getting better is getting

work because we are in a very reactive mode, you find the situation in one home, and compared to another home is getting worse was under the law. There many individuals were really trying their utmost to really do what is right. And all of that. So I think the important thing is the family

must fit together, develop all this piece about this family routine, a family values and family goals. And once they do that, right, that's one. The second fundamental thing is is that, you know, you cannot do this, our spouses cannot also be so selfish, to be precluded from doing things that you're supposed to do, because they also part of the material, nobody fell in love with them, and that you cannot go to the other. But the IE to attain the balance, I mean, no one no one in the battle eautifully as our beloved lobbies.

Yes, yes, it is very, we're gonna take a short break now being half past 11. And we'll just ask you to hold on for a little while. inshallah has we'll be back just after that. our listeners in the meanwhile can start SMS in the questions through and the comments through 10731738461. It is by ears in the UK. And in Sharma he will be taking your questions Stay tuned for machinic upon release time International.

Are you

welcome back to admission upon radio, international three, nine months before 12 reasons why you've received an SMS. And maybe we could deal with that smile, welcome. I've been in an abusive marriage for 20 years, the abuse has stopped now. But I am angry and resentful to my partner. I know, this impacts on my kids, I have no idea how I can overcome these feelings of pain and resentments. just waking up late advice to know I can understand that if something has been done or a period of time, it can really guide you for a long time. But in the end, at the bottom line is Allah knows how much more life we've got on this earth, let's just say the, the person who sent the SMS will live for

another 335 years or whatever time it is. Now, the choice is yours. If you wish to change it eventually for the rest of your life, you're going to affect your own relationship, then is going to affect

you know, the marriage itself and the ethos at home. Right. And, and therefore I would encourage the following things. Number one, you got to release it and let it go and forgive. The second thing is, see how dare you and your partner now that you know you, yes, he or she has changed to protect this marriage to another level. Because I don't believe in just putting a lesser plastic, we've got to really create the kind of energy, the excitement the positivity that is necessary

in a marriage, right. I mean, the important thing. The other thing is, is you know, as you always take the really easy steps, you know,

if a husband or wife, whoever are they prepared to we'll go to some counter and to talk about it in a professional way, without any discrimination, just purely to offload. And that's very important.

In the most important thing is, of course, is, you know, to ask Allah for support and guidance. And because I find that those who carry the burden, those who do not release it, I mean, I might be or he might be listening to the program, and maybe they you know, they have no idea what I've been through. The question is, you know, we always assume and that,

and I'm sure the person is used to a lot, I'm sure the pain must have been unbearable, whatever your psychological, emotional, whatever it is, has been terrible, terrible way to diminish, it eroded your self esteem, you felt socially awkward and all of that. But this is, you find the two people with the same situation. And then there's been some semblance of normality. It's all, it's all left to you. Because in the end, you know, many of us live in the past, others

are concerned about the future, but very few are concerned about the present. So I would encourage the person to relook at their life to look at as he looked at their priorities, they look at their routine, and then lead a full life, you know, otherwise, my real concern is that when that person the twilight of his life, they're going to have so many face to late now, because you don't have the physical capacity, the most capacity and the capacity to deal with it.

must handle data make it easy for everyone,

especially people who deal with the

emotional and verbal abuse, it is really a challenge, you know, in people,

ladies especially goes through this and a baby tolerated for years and years. And it leaves them with a pet at least at the end of it. It is when it does, it does and to be I find it

unacceptable, that the you know, essentially, you know, where it is becoming a recurring thing. And yet you find it when a man does this is one of the biggest ironies is that the public will not delete it. Because the persona ideas outside the image Ico attendees will be outside is one of the decency one of the things is not to say the following. I mean, none of us is perfect. I mean, I never ever said I'm a paragon of virtue of the monopoly of knowledge. I mean, we all make mistakes. We all have issues in our life. Right. But then again, you know these aberrations, but then you at home are a monster, the new oppressive, the new rifle individuality when you kill the spirit, when

the culture calm, is dictated by your dominance, by your abuse. That to me, is really unacceptable because we affect the lives of so many people. But most importantly, all life

is received another SMS Islamorada chrome surecolor, for the wonderful program, married for 25 years. Whenever things come up their hospital weddings, my husband gets isolated and upset, geez, advice and how do we deal with problem?

Oh, no, I'm not too sure what he means by that.

Yes, he gets isolated, he gets upset. And then the further SMS, she says this we've been, we've been for counseling, he apologizes, but they have to it happens again and again. Now you won't see a counselor. So basically, they will put person maybe becomes a recluse under stress. Yeah, I think that's the point. You see, the not counting just is good. But what is important, and I'm sure that whenever they need to probably give them action steps. Now, the critical impact of any counseling suggests often that you will dictate your routine, check your pattern of behavior, and emphasize you know, what is important and unimportant. They do reinvent yourself you do things you've never done

before. But if you as an individual, have been the perpetrator of something wrong, and you find it difficult because of psychological stuff, whatever it is, the need to go for more counseling session in that way where the counselor can identify the deep underlying problems. And just see another point you see, whenever you know when the when the when people come for counseling, the recurring tinnitus and especially when it's rarely

When the marriage is just

hanging up, it's almost like a thread that is keeping them together, we are told that you know what I, my husband and I discussed it. And I know he never changed, we make promises for one, two days is fine, and then the monster in him comes out and this is a recurring pattern. So I therefore, I think what is important, sometimes there has to be some kind of cause and there has to be some kind of compliance on his part, because you cannot, you know, do this and expect your wife to maintain a composure to be dependent on your

mood, your vacillating moods and your attitude. So I think this is something you need to understand, right? That we manage the situation, you make a commitment to it, and you're going to live by it, you know what you're supposed to be doing, I did not turn on the earth, it doesn't mean you're home as the hell on earth.

It's just continued on. So sorry, 21 minutes before 12, listening to our mission on radio slam International, my guest this morning for the Idris camisa. He's speaking to us from the UK. This morning, it is moving away from the issue of marriage and the abuse issue

in our children, as well. And in the challenges that we have as parents.

Now we're coming towards the end of the year, and we preparing already, for the next year, and valence are going to start facing this challenge of choosing the right school for their children, also budgeting and preparing money to make sure that they have enough for school uniforms, school fees, and all the like when it comes to shoes. And there are many, many demands that are that are mandatory when it comes to many of the schools that we put our children in, what advice would you have in this regard for our parents? I think you know, this is the point. I know, you know, my heart goes out to many parents,

often times of age very difficult to sustain his family, and to make them live a life that you like them, you know, because there's so many challenges. But the important imperative is that you need to lead a life that is simple. live below your means. It's very easy for me to say that. And do you find that the you know, kids are growing up in an environment where they feel right next to them, lots of accesses this afternoon, the life of luxury and optional, but they seem to be denied some of the basic things, and therefore it's terrible. But we mustn't forget that we are the primary educators because they say every child comes to school with three things with an attitude of baggage

of values,

and an IQ. And so it's important when children are growing up, when you are there, that your own lifestyle would inform them, your values would inform them that you plant the seeds that are planted and malleable, about the risky about, you know, living within your means. And not living through credit cards and so on and so forth. So and I think accordingly, we need to

sorry, hello. Hello. Yeah, sorry. You can hear me? Yes, I can hear you. Yeah. So so. So I think this is this is very important. So when they're choosing the school, of course they got there many decisions to be made. And then you've got to choose a school that perhaps is close to your locality. So there isn't the burden of transportation, certainly to the school.

We believe that the school itself does provide holistic education besides the narrow cognitive education, the child is developed emotionally, psychologically, spiritually and in many other ways to make it the school doesn't exist on this earth.

You know, I may say yes, you're right. Okay. Then you need to look at all of that all of those factors. And but most importantly is that choosing a school is only one aspect. But But what is more important, is the attitude. The school doesn't make the individual the individual. You get set up some dynamic, inspirational teacher there that can inspire your child, even though you may be reluctant to study. But the important thing is that drive the passion. The young man has

Hello, yes,

that's that's a good thing.

If you've ever received another SMS and this one says My son is married for four years, you stopped coming to us parents have a small argument everyone says to me as a mother let go and move on, how does a mother do that? It is so difficult as I loved my son too, but

yeah, this also is become

a deciding factor right? Now, what do you need to do is that that I say to people, if your son is happily married Alhamdulillah wonderful. Let him be happy to you and make the why inshallah, that you come around the doors of the mother I accepted, but if his attitude towards you, has been forcibly changed because of pressure from his wife?

Do you know, I have a real issue with that. So I think it's, I pray and i and i Funny enough, I said this A day or two ago, that your all children regard the parents as innocent, the embodiment of virtue, the paragon of virtue, and when they look at their spouses to the eyes, look at the mothers fathers the eyes of the spouses, suddenly the same mother is not that innocent mother that he knew right? So

then the mother must inshallah you know, forgiving. And if these open the doors and I feel that if the I if an argument caused this, at least they should look at some ways means and ways for some objective individual how to repair the damage do not do not ignore it. But often the misunderstanding

is based on quarter to 12 we'll take a break again, and in summer we'll be back after the listeners can continue with the SMS is on 0731738461 Stay tuned. Mr. Rico on Verizon international supportive in helping the most needy and the orphans in South Africa and overseas. Donate to soccer soccer

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It's 30 minutes before 12 Welcome back to a mushrik and welcome back to our guest this morning brother Idris Fermi's are speaking to us from the UK this morning. It is my final word in Sharma. It's almost the end of our program today. I think my final words, I mean, I think all of us

need to understand our own mortality. We need

to know your family and relationship the lines deliver a suit sallallahu Sallam allies, Gopal Rahim. We need to be the inspiration for our children. We need to do the right things mustn't be a source of embarrassment. We need to create a sanctuary a culture at home when these together togetherness and cohesion, and most importantly, a true introspection and you find that I find a lot of people

any justification we have provided the smile we forgot to plead the forgotten to demonstrate our emotions you know? So with those few words from the UK at cinema Lake warahmatullah wabarakatuh and mowlana Do not forget your pump show you're looking after your ship of Alina gt GDG, LACMA, Sierra and for your time this morning in Brisbane, and inshallah we'll speak to you next week is Allah okay?

It's just on 11 minutes to 12 you're listening to our MasterCard ladies time International. My guest this morning was brother Idris camisa. An interesting program. And speaking with Byzantine speaking about spousal abuse and speaking about the different challenges that we face in our homes, particularly children, Zealand to you for listening this morning on Almazbek and inshallah Aziz very soon we'll be back and running with our normal

equipment or clothes or proper studio equipment.

As soon as that gets repaired, stay tuned to come to my studio later this morning. privacidad salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.