Channel: Edris Khamissa
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Welcome as salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. Mama. This is a mistake on radio Islam International. It's just gone nine minutes after 11 My name is Juanita satay we'll be with you inshallah, as he's just about 12 today. Our guest we have on a Thursday morning is at least convinced I will try and get hold of it is why in a few minutes inshallah Aziz and he'll be on with us. We're going to be discussing with him issues that he's come across over his week of counseling and speaking to people. Yes, there are many issues and many things that people require help and assistance and guidance with and they are most welcome to contact devise the right amount. And the
important thing is that we contact people who are knowledgeable people who are going to give us beneficial and good advice and also people who are sought after for the advice have to understand the very simple principle and important principle. And Mr. Sharma determine that the person who is asked for mushara, who is asked for counseling for advice is more feminine, they are a man that they are just trusted with that advice that they were asked about. And so because they are trusted to that advice, they are not allowed to spread it around and they're not allowed to share it with others without the permission of the person who has sought that advice. So really speaking to erase
from essential disease after the break, looking forward for your contribution and feedback as well. Please SMS 0731738461 with any questions that you may have anything that you'd like to share with us, and you can email me zoom [email protected] Stay tuned for my second at some international in keeping with its proud heritage of reliability and durability, motor deal now offers you the best of small buches but missing np 200 the np 200 has the longest low body in its class with a payload of a whopping 800 kgs over and above that it now offers you a six year 150,000 kilometer factory warranty the longest warranty for any vehicle in South Africa motor deal presents to you as the mp 200 with a
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It is reported from Abu huraira Roby Allahu anhu that the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, when a human being dies, all of his deeds terminate, except the three types of actions set up a su Zarya that is ongoing charity knowledge from each of his benefits and the righteous child who makes two out for him, recorded by Mr. Muslim being the winner of 19 Awards in six years, including community session of the year 2011, registered in 1993 and granted a license in 1997. With internal growth, why the expertise and a broad range of content we have attracted a wide audience in areas with a staff complement of 45. And through the broadcast of high quality info edutainment by a
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14 minutes after 11 Welcome back to our mashreq on radio Islam international and a warm welcome from far away for our guests Idris commies, Iris West and Amara Kumara de la
la comes around Bharat Mata La Bella Casa manana, what a joy to connect with you and the our wonderful listeners from South Africa
is the reason why it is an absolute pleasure to hear your voice all over the world. Sometimes in Nigeria, sometimes in the UK, sometimes.
I think we only waiting for you to speak to us from the moon.
Not the only problem we're talking about the moon is there's no atmosphere the
night a pleasure really is a pleasure. It's a pleasure to be with you. It is why
you are in the UK you last week spoke to us from a principals conference. And what have you been up to the rest of the week
has been a very, very busy week. There was this media, exhibition prayer and East London where schools were showing some of the programs that they do to people from throughout the world. And they asked me to have my stalls. They also fed my soul and met some wonderful people. We have some excellent speeches by shake Bob Barker and others. It was very a celebration of what we are doing as Muslims and the opportunity to look at books, textbooks and curriculum and ramlila NGOs there. They were also schools involved and also publishing companies. Then when I finished up with that, then I went to Manchester I did the whole day fencing program in Manchester
yesterday I was in the Birmingham area did a parenting program plus address teachers and pupils and
nine out of the UK
it is by
your reception is very very I can hear that your underload
reception but maybe we'll try and get hold of Idris in a little while again insha Allah Allah says, while we waiting for it is by I've picked up an interesting article I like to share with you and speak about and this is concerning discipline tips for the tween years. So we have children
seven and 12, and how to discipline them and the importance of disciplining them. So as we go along, each of us is like to speak to these by about that as well. And then particularly with regards to our teens, and how to be able to deal with teens because we many of us as parents around my age would be having children around the ages of 18 to 15. And because these children are going through hormonal changes the going into the teen years, there's many great challenges that we now facing as parents and many greater challenges than parents of yesteryear. And so we need to know how to deal with those challenges, how to speak to our children how to handle their rebellion, and how to bring
them up and feed them correctly so that they can grow up to be responsible and upstanding individuals and adults.
So we're going to be discussing that inshallah, while we're waiting for it is Cammisa. I'll take a little bit of a break now. And when we come back, perhaps we'll have it back on the landscape at some international
Welcome back to a mushrik. And welcome back to Idris camisa. Are you back with us? Here GG? Yes are saying so. So people everywhere. I mean we have the same challenges. Schools are trying the best in France to understand what is the Islamic education, parents have their own challenges here Alhamdulillah and you find that a lot of wonderful things happen. I felt very reassured when I went to the mosque in East London, I mean for all the sinad more
young and old, and the contain the tonic identity dressing islamically Alhamdulillah. And the most what I liked about the most, everyday is the appropriate size. It's obscene for us to manage classes, so they're really into the massage it's alive, is on not only there for prayer, and and hamdulillah it has been great. And like now, today, I'm here with smile Tao with the from the school alfalah and the head teacher, Jaffa Rama and they will visit a school here. And I shall amroth will visit some of the Muslim schools so that we can learn from them. It's important that we come out of our almost I will I'm not saying that I've used the word advisedly from our ghettos to realize that
the other people are doing wonderful things as much as we can learn from them from us, but it's important for us to come out of the comfort zone. So inshallah we'll go there and have an opportunity to interact, find out the challenges of really traveling is really a great thing. And I would encourage people to travel. And to come out of the comfort zone Alhamdulillah it is by this morning, the news, I picked up a story that came out of the UK, of two
African origin people men who hacked to death, a an ex soldier, and the repercussions from the English Defence League who are known, anti muslim. And how they then retaliated by trying to set MSG the light in. And they've been protesting around the areas they have you have you heard about this piece of news and I I heard about it, I don't know about the people wanting to set the image alight. But rarely, I mean, if anyone says that the action of these two individuals is something encourage or condone by lobbyists have allowed us to tell them that, you know, they're probably all wrong, this kind of behavior is completely unacceptable. And therefore sometimes you wonder why some of the
non Muslims have
have stereotypes and they give the impression that all Muslims are terrible people, they are yet to
cause destruction and havoc and what it does for people that are staying peacefully in the UK and that part of the world, it makes it very, very difficult. And then what happens the regulations become far more rigorous, and far more strict. So I'm not aware of that. I can very well imagine that very well imagine that this kind of repercussions do take place, the repercussions themselves, I won't condone it, he's never to protect you cannot blame everyone or the fate for the narrow ideological understanding of what Islam is all about. I mean, one of the biggest ironies is this. Our Nabi sallallahu. wasallam came as a merchant all mankind, and he was so merciful, so loving and
so compassionate, even to his enemies, and deep down as much as they did not like him. They believed in Him, they trusted him, that you're the person of the highest emulation, and therefore it is not coincidental opportunities.
People speak about the individual who made the biggest contribution and non Muslims have conquered his lobbies and allowed us to sell them. And I think is important. The lessons we can learn from this is that even in South Africa, we must not be isolated and insular. We need to interact with the wider community, we need to show them what true Islam is. And they mustn't believe the insidious media, or
give the impression that Islam is a religion of violence.
I've received a question over email,
in a position to continue the discussion.
Okay, the email says, I have a question for you. I wanted to know, what advice can he give, I married and just found out that my husband cannot stop thinking about the past and his previous girlfriend and still talks to her? What can I do?
I think the critical thing is this, I think Firstly, the husband, a is not committed himself and focus on this whole institution of Nika, while second, understand that sometimes if you had a nefarious path or a negative path, that is you will be there because your mind is a very, very intricate thing, you cannot just cut yourself off, but to entertain those thoughts and more. So to contact individuals that when your class is grossly unfair, is an Islamic and most of is not fair to your spouse. So my recommendation is this is to first ascertain what is the husband's commitment to the sneaker. And secondly, I would recommend very strongly that they need to go for counseling so
that the counselor can objectively tell him what is doing is wrong, and perhaps help him how to deal with his past. Because there are some people who find difficult to forget the past, but to allow the past to become an integral part of the present is something that is grossly unacceptable. And I think, you know, she, firstly, Allah, bless the sister for a summer, but I can imagine the pain that she goes through the anxiety that torment, you know, because sometimes, you know, you also entertain
the thought that, you know, he,
he will do this and do that. So I think my recommendation is that, by the way, I know wants us to happen, is such a husband will never ever go for counseling, our Why would you go for counseling, right. So it's important that a family members, his mom or dad, you know, come to know about
another discussion that, like I like to bring out and like your input concerning is with regards to discipline, and particularly with disciplining children, who are going into the teen years when he came the age of between 10 and 15, or maybe a little older than that as well. And the great challenges that parents face because of these children going through the health changes, the poverty changes, as well. And so hormonal changes, and they go into a state of rebellion. And parents have challenges concerning them. You may have many have had queries concerning this and perhaps share some advice and how things can.
Yeah, this is a recurring issue with many, many parents is a real recurring issue. But the point on that issue is this that your parents need to identify, yes, the issue of teenagers, the hormonal changes, is something that everyone goes through, but it does not have to manifest
in behavior that is defined a behavior that does not love and respect the parent the behavior that does not reflect obedience. Now, sometimes I would like to ascertain whether such kids, I found children that are only exposure to television, to video games, cell phones, and many of them rarely have issues when it comes to listening to their parents. Because what they want, they want it their way. It is my life and that kind of thing. So I think we need to identify what is the motivational factor. These children need to see someone who understands children to find that out. Someone has to do what you call a lifestyle audit of the family to look at the things that go together. What are
the family rituals and family routine? Now these are very, very important things. Now a teenager doesn't have to necessarily be a person that is destructive. A teenager can be groping for answers.
Please important As parents, we need to be supportive of them, and money. Another important thing is that we recommend that we allow, you know, we allow children to speak what's in their heart, because revealing is healing.
And it is why you have the stage of rebellion of these teenagers, you have the stage when these teenagers just don't want to listen at all. And the bottom line of their own, they've got their own actions, and they everything that you mentioned to them is just basically wrong. How do you deal with us? And as a parent, do you take the approach of saying that, okay,
I'll hold back and give you open opportunity, you make your own decisions, do your own decisions, you know, you give them the responsibility of all of you as a parent, now, you use the harsh and firm approach, which is only going to get you more of alien. You see that the point? Often, when I find when this is this kind of rebellion, I often find the the huge issue between the mother and the father, I find that, you know, they are not united, you know,
when they bring up the child, they're not united in their hearts, these infants, decent consistency, when it comes to that, and the other important dynamic is that no children would, you know, manipulate behavior. Now, it's important that, you know, islamically, we are told that there are three stages to a child's development, the first seven years, is when it's time of bonding, right, from seven to 14, in terms of instruction and learning. And from 14, you become the child's confidant. Now, when they are young, and malleable, when they when they look at the parents are so much of love and affection, the biggest mistake we make is it we destroy them, by pampering them, we
destroy them by do not by not injecting in them values that are going to be meaningful values like love, respect your parents, like obedience values, like you know, showing the concentration reversal. So so so so, so these are very important things. And I want parents to understand that. The other second dimension is that we do not prepare, we did not prepare our children for this difficult phase of teenage life. The other thing that I've observed, what is to affect teenagers before, is now affecting preteens. And I mean, they I mean, when we grew up, we also were teenagers, right? But we never get shown any disrespect to our parents. We never question the authority, right?
We could not create the authority. And there was consistency regarding that. But today, it seems to me that many parents are in escalated, the father is no more the meat of the house, he gives him to his children. And he says no, my you know, I that tough life. And I need to I don't know, deny my kids were, you know, or what I did not get and weed by doing this. And children know exactly what they want. And what they do, they get into tantrums. You want a peaceful house, so you keep quiet. And the father might say, you know, leaving me the green child, but the same child can become a monster. But at the same token, lots of kids who might have gone through this phase of turbulence in
a teenage life Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah they okay afterwards. But what is critical, also, we got to make sure that whilst they're going through this tantrums, it means they have friends whose values you subscribe to. Because as I said, before, good friends are like the extension. The home is almost like parental controls. So parents themselves will make sure you have like minded families that our kids are exposed to, that they have love for each other. And so that they do it because a good friend will never allow a good friend will never allow his friend to do things that shows disrespect to his parents. But really, I mean, it's a phase that children find difficult to cope
with it also is a phase in which parents themselves don't fully understand, you know,
if you guys continue for seven months before 12 we need to take a break. How much more time do you have to talk to us? It may Allah say another 10 minutes inshallah.
Okay, so let us take a break and we'll come back
for me when they come back, right, okay.
So 27 minutes before 12 will return with a message just after this. Stay tuned.
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22 minutes before two o'clock and back to Islam International. And welcome back to our guest it is camisa
Okay, we're gonna try and get hold of it is coming
in a little while as soon as we can. And
one of our faculty will have to call him back.
As he's traveling in the UK. We were discussing with agents concerning the upbringing of of teenagers, particularly in the challenges that we face as parents, we need to know that the teenagers go through changes in their lives and we need to make sure that
we try and
then we try and make sure that we give them time and listen to the easiest way. Welcome back Gigi
Okay, if we can continue with this discussion. I just want to give you a message that privacy right now. And just on the lighter side do you understand African cities may not I did I know I did Afrikaans
when I was a kid, the only sentence I remember was it look la dee da was something
I did let me read this out. Let me read this out into the snake and if you don't know, the oma head person club at Neiman's, her mere belly to pluck tech housemaid driving sticker of her car bumper, no lay her full non stop is a migraine he was complaining that nobody's calling her. So I stuck. How's my driving stick on her bumper, and her phone doesn't stop ringing now.
we continue with our discussion on the upbringing of our youngsters, Matt's just just a roundup of
my whole thing is this, you got to
nurture children, it's an active thing. Because the landscape is changing so radically influenced, the influences are so great, all the time, that we need to be aware all the time. And the question is,
what are your priorities? What do you want to do? What What do you want to get from the less important? What are the values, you cannot, for example, focus on your kids, show of your academic achievement, and then you say you want them to be good boys and respectful, to love the need to love Islam. So you got to make up your mind. What are the values you want? What are the values that will take them to Jana? What's the values that will make them leave a legacy? So we got it once you become focused, inshallah, it makes a huge, huge difference. Otherwise, what happens? We are becoming like in a mum's a taxi, we taking them everywhere, and so on and so forth. Fulfilling the
basic, fundamental needs, for the higher spiritual needs are relegated to the background. You tell your kids you know, I feed you and clothe you. Yes. And I'm the law you'll be rewarded for that. But surely your responsibility as a father is like his own love useless reminded us, he cannot leave anything better behind than pious children. And so Allah make it easy for parents is a modern day jihad. They are living in challenging times. the hearts and minds of our young boys and girls send us 24 hours a day, you don't have to leave your home for you to get corrupted anymore. You get corrupted the term methylation of your home and be known to your parents. So I think my
recommendation is parents need to reconnect with the children, love them, hug them,
allow them you know, do good things with them. Encourage them to participate in the community, understand the needs of wider community, develop in them a deep, deep and profound love for lobbyists and allow you to solve them and to understand who Allah is. inshallah, if we can do that. It makes a huge difference.
For your time and inshallah we'll speak to you next week. Shall Allah bless you look up to you and send and please tell all the brothers to come to this church of bubbliness as salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato Mr. Ramadan Allah, He
is speaking to us out of the UK today and you can hear that he's traveling and inshallah has been hopefully be back with us in the country next week. And it brings us to the end of our program this morning show Zealand for your time and for listening. inshallah has is I'll be back with you on Saturday morning, together with one another such as C mon on marriage is on the air from Juanita satin this Thursday. salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.