Channel: Edris Khamissa
Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato series by Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh qualico, Salama Baraka
definitely the most exciting time of the week it is by chance to talk to you and
let you know you are, you're very generous, you are very gentle May Allah keep you that way. May you continue Allah has given you a very endearing personality, a generosity of heart. inshallah we prayed through this interaction, that he would open hearts and everyone listening with an open mind, inshallah, it's an opportunity for them to grow, to reflect on their life, and inshallah use an opportunity to connect with people loved ones and dear ones, so that the world can be a far more better precision. They say laughter, lubricates life, I think through laughter What happens, it gives you a perspective on life. And what happens if you look at the opposite of laughter, these,
this kind of seriousness, this kind of everything, that you're serious, when you laugh, you're very sensitive, your facial muscles, you're able to release the endorphins, you're able to bring joy to others, because nothing can be more beautiful for a person that is feeling down, someone comes in, it puts life into perspective, and then creates a degree of laughter, happiness exceeds a sense of joy, a sense of exuberance, a feeling of happiness, is what brings you joy to everyone else around. In fact, you know, if you look at the world itself, like the Philippines, the father and the mother, even the father comes from work. When it comes to the angry expression. It really impacts on the
culture, the ethos of the home, where they know, for example, the rest of the evening, you can be unhappy, but daddy looks very, very upset. But when it comes to the smile, they know is the beginning of really a good evening, everybody is laughter, it brings people together. And you find that in homes with these harmony. I'm not saying that you go overboard, you become flippant, but it's part of who we are, to understand that we all go to lead the soil. But it's also we need to also understand that was we are here in whatever form we need to bring joy. And this notion yet some people are really dense. You know what they do? They say there is no place for laughter. Life is a
serious business. Yes, it is tedious business. It does not mean people who love or bring joy to other people do not understand the seriousness of it, I tell people is far easier to be angry than it is to make people laugh to make people happy to sit back and relax. Look at life in its truest.
And it's so much of the joy that it brings to people the most beautiful thing it is by and why they mess a lot about being sad slamming, no fap is listening is it when you just walk into a room and everybody's busy at work, the only person would turn around and just give you a good solid greeting and a happy face would be an artifact. And that would just bring joy and another light into your day. And that happens all over. You just meet one person with a smile in the morning. And it makes your whole day
smiling and very infectious thing to greet
and openness and
to that condition.
Hello, God, what you are seeing and doing basically, you are really sharing your unbridled joy. You already affirmed the other person you accepting him, you're giving the attention. You're singing appreciation is a very important thing because too many of us walk around the world as if you're diminish and with no self esteem with someone give you the attention, the attention, Transforming Your Life. For one not maybe anticipate depression, the wonder of joy. It's a wonderful thing. You know, I mean is something people say you know, as a first time in my life in my life, I love so much you know, and they become emotional about it because throughout their life, they only eindigen
sadness, people around them or negative people. And when you when you laugh and you smile. I know you're looking at life optimistically, you know, and that is very important.
I'm requesting you to give us a happy story.
Got a funny story that we can get some laughter in our life.
There was once you know
a friend of mine said this didn't have to be a tutor inshallah, is that what happened was, in the earlier days many inspectors Eastern travel from Durban is complicated matters. But the moment they came to Pietermaritzburg, the guys who did the marriage books have formed the colleagues up in Noida by Ascot, maybe
the new eco different guys, watch out, the guys are on the prowl.
They know they'll expect someone. So there's one particular feature in the news
that tomorrow they'll be coming to school, and it was his time for his work to be evaluated. So he was very excited about it. So he began to teach his pupils. We are teaching them how he was singing to them. And in the end, they were saying, he asked him, What do you do first thing in the morning, first, the boys, the boys were saying, we brush our teeth, I mean, the pupils with the new proximity event on three lever, the whole lesson.
So unbeknown to him, AJ, the next inspector came, this one boy was not there on the day of the earlier lesson. For boy.
He asked the kids, what do you do first thing in the morning?
What do you do? I got toilets.
Don't you brush your teeth? He said, No, no, my mother told me you
And the other one was, you know,
in the United States, you know,
the United States, the teacher, instructor heard that there is one very, very dynamic, main Foundation, base teacher, you know, grade, one teacher, and he went there to the scope. And so the principal Secretary may set you Mr. So and So, man, you can have such a great time today. Bob is my best teacher, you're going to be inspired by him. Anyway, he went to Bob's class, listen to the lessons. He asked the teacher. Do you mind? If I were to ask one of the pupils the question?
He said not a problem. You can ask him any question you want. So your two little boys, you tell me boy
who broke the walls of Jericho? Boys. So I didn't do it, sir. I promise you I did not do it. So the next month over. So this teacher was very interested to find out how to do it. She said to me know what they are now. But my lecture your lesson went very well. Until I asked the boy who broke the walls of Jericho. He said I didn't do it. He said man, you say would you respect you, sir? I know my pupils. I know the family that doesn't so well. Bob said that boys said he did not do it. He did not do it. So now he went to the inspector. Now. You know, you went to the headmaster
said I'm sure you enjoyed the lesson of Bob. He said Man, I'm so flabbergasted when I went to the class and he recounted the whole story. So principal said to him, my teacher Bob, he knows all his pupils. Well, he says he did not do it. He did not do it. Anyway, now he's very frustrated. He goes now to superintendents, right?
superintendent, how was your day to man? I'm so frustrated today. I went to the school there. And this is what happened so that the superintendent said to him, You know what? I'll give you some money. You put that wall right? You don't cause any kind of problems
of education, even level of education. Yeah. So these are these are things you hear for me the other day.
In the nutshell, we are not so conversant with Afrikaans right. And so this point, matters but interactive ghost story. So what he did, he wrote the first sentence in Afrikaans when he said the ghost commanded me to write in English.
He wrote the rest of the English, but the teacher was very clever. He said, Well, the ghost commanded me to give you not
such as you know.
He was a teacher and he, he said to the pupils, I have five apps
With one hand and five apples in the other hand, what do I have one voice that is very big. And
I just read the other day somebody sent me an email
with ETS pointing the game at a young child. And
you know what, there's a very, there's an idiot at one end of the scheme.
And so a lot of trouble because you said,
Yeah, you know, the baby the whole thing, and, and I'm so glad Mawlana you know that you're speaking about this, because of our homes, they need some lightheartedness. They need some laughter, they need some joy, some smiles, what? What is missing? The pleasant moments, our homes in need that umbrella? I find? No, they are increasingly lots of homes that are trying to do the right things. May children can come there with his laughter. And you find these normal, that kind of discrepancy. You know, the man, the loving man that he is outside the home is even more loving at home, you know, and these are very simple things, this requires an attitudinal change, you know,
we just have to change the way and think of the things that make us happy about others. Rather than focusing and looking at those things that we can take or default in, or things that we can really criticize are things that are upset, that upset us about others, around us look at those things that make us happy about the people that we are dealing with. And it will, it will change our lives around so much better than to make our work so much easier, and so much more pleasant.
Absolutely. Because, you know, you saw, right? Today, we are so judgmental. We don't listen with our heart to be based on empathy. And we do not, you know, we don't hear how wonderful is going to be when you say I want to do
whatever I need to make them happy, to a smile to something funny to listening with empathy, and the suit I'm gonna do every day, inshallah, whoever comes to me, no matter what the pain thing is that other kind of perspective, you know, what I'm saying. And the and this is so important in terms of relationships, and relationships, building, because we avoid people that are angry, temperamental, who do not bring joy, everything they the negativity, and the only see the worst case scenario to say, you know, I know it's gonna be a bad day today, or not fine, you know, that negativity is something that can really erode a person's happiness.
Whether you have been in the education field for many, many years, and I'm sure over your over the time, you've picked up many funny funny incidents, excuses and things that have happened in school.
Maybe you could share some some of that with us as well.
We know the
word what you're saying is so true. You know, like, you find that this is a funny one, right? The funny one was, in a sense that this one students, you know, there was
all these examples wrong, you know, so that particular day cake got all the answers, right. So I'm surprised that even all the match comes rightly to the our bodies, right? Because my father was an
anomaly. everything wrong. And you find that your kids are merely a creative, would make excuses for not doing homework and everything else. And there was someone, you know, he had the habit, and he was my classmate. Whenever the teacher is asked if any homework ha, no, I could not do it. Because my uncle passed away. mom passed away. My grandfather passed away, you know,
saying that, so one day, he just said to me by now, I'm sure you have no
living relatives, you know.
This is what some people used to do. And at the school, you know, fortunately for me,
you know, the people used to do the homework and everything else that goes with it. But they can be very, very creative in terms of what they don't do. But at the same token, I remember during certain classmates, one of the biggest mistakes they make
When we went school was they decided to experiment, they decided to keep
one class they needed to put all the boys in the class. And majors co Ed at the time, the mini boys were far better behaved, because they want to be a lot of respect for the girls or whatever. They felt somewhat intimidated. But this time they put on the boys in the class together.
And we had some crazy Jackson a class you know,
you know, like I, myself, I was not able to I don't think I was disobedient was a teacher concern. And yeah, I remember there's one person he was a very tall person, you know. And then they had this teacher, she was
very tall as
a Christian and he just came up and he was sort of, you know, looking.
And then you should get people making funny kind of sounds of the back and all of that then the what used to happen the class was the teachers often used to get intimidated and what not. But one major difference what he did. We were known to be a naughty class, but when he came, his name was Mr. USAC. What he did was, he came to class to serve relief. He said to us, good morning, gentlemen, you know,
gentlemen, and you're kept by me black gentlemen, you know,
that, you know, I think once you give positive attributes to your children, they respond accordingly you know, it's just how you speak to them. And the way you address them the way you speak to
your child, your son walks into the room when you wake up in the morning to see them for the first time and if you struggle to start off the day with a brush your teeth or a Did you go to the toilet, did you do this to do that? It's just been the start of the day in a bad way. But if you started off as salaam alaikum how you did you sleep well. It just changes the whole thing all around
the district, you know, the moment you start up with the wrong tone, interrogating you know the I think a critical aspects especially with this relationship, the term is to make the connection. Once you're connected, then you can talk about the issues. Once your tone is offensive, and the things you talk about jarring and snotty and what happens you're really upset people around you because you'd be surprised that especially with the mothers and the fathers, if for example they are political into angry whatever they really impact on the culture and the atmosphere
is gone half past 11 years into the Islam international speaking about things that make you happy things that changing your life around it is by no part of the modernity and part of the new life that we have. We
are planning everything on our blackberries you know everything is happening and it's centered around our blackberries as friends this is no with our cycling buddies organizing everything on our blackberries, weddings, organized on our blackberries and everything basically is getting organized with our blackberries. Now, I would like the older generation all the nonnamous entity Model T webs they could you give us the insight into what they think about or what advice they would give to couples that are that want to get married in today's time and what what basic things would you tell them
to keep their life happy inshallah.
Welcome back to Islam International. It is by we have
a very interesting SMS that has arrived and I'll just read it out to you.
It's about the topic that he's speaking about him on the other side of it must be with this person. The SMS says I have nothing to be happy with at the moment because my family's falling apart. And a 16 year old son that is tearing us apart.
elegant, disrespectful, causing problems at school, screaming at me not interested at school wants to leave, and so much more, please help.
The you know what we are not denying in the discussion.
There are some homes that a lot of pain
in a crisis the home is at a century, when sometimes our beloved children who we devote our life, we pray for them, can suddenly become our adversaries. And they can make life increasingly difficult, they can be abusive. But the whole thing in life is I'm always been solution driven, I don't believe anyone is incorrigible. We all make mistakes. And sometimes the 16 year old son, that you speak about the reps in his own ways crying out for help, that there are some issues that he find difficult to deal with. Because age of 16 is a very, very difficult time your homeowners are going all over the place. And when friends become more important when they compare the parents to other
people's parents, and they do not know the sacrifice that parents make. So one of the things that I would recommend very strongly is perhaps, is to sit him down into reengagement to find out from him, what is the what are the issues, and instead of being defensive, listen to him first, because as I call this a revealing his healing, the second thing that I would encourage is asking him, what would he do differently? If he's the father or the mother? You know, what would he do differently. And in the end, there has to be some kind of compromise. And my own recommendation is that when two people if he is going to be defined, and we get upset, and angry dogs are going to have the situation, we
need to look at a win win situation. And he must feel that love, we must connect and hug him. And then what we also need to do is sometimes on the mistakes we make when they're growing up, we do not give our child positive attributes, we need to give them positive attributes we need to give them as self belief. Now, the other quote, The Big consolation is that this is often a phase that many a kid goes through a phase when he is his friends are more important, the mother and father an embarrassment to him. He needs more and more focus, often they come around. So we need to
just pray that did not get into despicable habits, you know, of drugs and a whole range of things, pornographic addiction, alcoholism, and all of those things. So I would really encourage the mother and the father. I just hope that the marriage is intact. It's a harmonious marriage. But yeah, when you know home with his anger, often respond with anger, when this pleasantness and tension also be a pleasant. So I think we need to identify what is the motivating factor who is friends, what is it that is making do what is doing, you know,
as you say, sometimes I've learned about the upbringing of children is that we tried different measures in enforcing certain strictness in certain things.
But we continuously feed our children, what whatever they want to eat, we give them spending freely and free time, etc. There's an interesting book that I read by a person called Dr. Kevin Lehman, if you read the book and get a new kid by Friday, so basically saying, a seven day plan of collecting your child's behavior, and one of the or the basis of his whole program, is that you need to sometimes deprive your child of the luxuries that they get in life, so that you can get good behavior out of them. But you have to be very strong towards instinct in depriving them and depriving them of that, like for example, if the child is used to the regular spending money used to
the free time, used to the fancy clothes and things like that, if they don't want to Tow the line according to your rules, you have to tell them to not even shout or be aggressive, just tell them simply that I'm sorry, but your allowance is going to be cut off and ignore everything that comes after it. Whether it is bleeding, whether it is begging, whether it is crying, everything like that. And he says that it works and I have some positive tests without
It does have a good effect. In fact, it's something that I always encourage people to do. I tell parents that they must learn to say no, they cannot keep on saying yes. You know, you know, as it is said that in giving our children what we did not have we forgotten to give them what we had, the big mistake we make is sometimes when you feel that you grew up in a home that we might have, they might not have enjoyed or the luxury is now in a good situation. But by giving it to them, you are really incubating a monster in inverted commas. Because they you're creating a very false notion of life. And life is going to be a challenge, you know, it has to defeat any victories. When you create a
culture of entitlement, the moment I speak, my daddy responds, then you're creating ready, a jaundiced view of the world. And the needy requires tremendous resilience and courage to say no to a child, because the reaction afterwards might be anger and everything else. But as long as you're consistent. When you do that, and you have support of the mother and the father do it together. And but critically, the child must know that whatever is being done, is done utter love, for him, the benefits for him. Now, if you purely want to, you know, stifle the cries of a child, by giving into him, what you're really doing is really destroying him, and creating really an erroneous picture of
what the world is all about. And what the author says something that I subscribe to, I believe in it, that you got to have certain value systems, and you got to subscribe to the value system, because in life, like anywhere else,
you are consequences for negative behavior, and also positive consequence for good behavior. Good Behavior does take place, we need to, you know, maybe judiciously reward them, we need to acknowledge them, and show them appreciation and Islam. As we know, we are judged by the effort and not the outcome. So when our kids are really trying hard is trying to succeed at that time, we need to really applaud them and acknowledge them as
it is, but you know, one program in Johannesburg, and one of the comments that came out of the program was that I never laughed so hard in my life. And I think that was written by Manama, the famous Manama
forum on Facebook, in the website, like that. So I never laughed so hard in my life, it is very, I think you have that good gift in the world. You know, I mean, I like so much people are like, so merciful. I mean, you know, I'm not the, you know, I don't want people to believe I'm a paragon of virtue. I'm Mr. Perfect. I have lots of shortcomings. But our line is mercy has given me the opportunity of interacting with people and bringing joy to people. I for me, I hold this very, very dearly, to me, that whoever I interact with must bring joy to them. When I see people, like when I'm doing a workshop, when it's we are becoming very, very serious. Then I, you know, I interlocked my
comments with some funny stories about myself, whatever, and people laugh, and what happens sometimes couples have come for the program, they may not have laughed like this before. And these are opportunity everyday, and perhaps the 16 year old material barely, maybe doesn't see laughter in his home. You know, home is not a sanctuary, it's a place of grief and pain of argumentation. And once these, that happiness, that joy, and we are all attracted to joy, we're not attracted to a place of anger, a place we know, where people constantly argue with each other. And for that, you know, we thank Allah, you know, for personalities, and we all have the ability to have a perspective
on life. And you'll find that, in fact, I found that some of the most philosophical and serious persons are those that make other people laugh, they because they understand life, they understand the meaning of life, they understand that you cannot always become so serious and introspective and reflective, that you find you don't have your moments of joy and be and I think Islam is replete with Nabi sallallahu, wasallam in his own way, creating You know, he smiled broadly rather than laugh loud, and the jokes used to play with a valley and others around them. And so these are the things that are not in no
way or detract from what it is to be a Muslim. Because I mean, when you want to leave a legacy behind, you know, one of the most beautiful things inshallah is it is through him, I learned to see life in perspective. I came closer to Allah and His beloved so I understood the meaning of life because the home many people say that my father
Outside as a genial, convivial personality, they enjoy to have a Tommy's not like that. And similarly, what the mother, so I think, you know, it just, it's all from online, we thank Allah for the name it is given us. I mean, I mean, received an SMS Muslim a thing, it's not so easy. But we came together with it putting a nice story at a couples conference to speak, I mentioned that couples are so disconnected, that 85% of husbands don't know their wives favorite flower. So the course turned to his wife. And he whispered to her, the self raising,
Someone told me this, I'm not sure who it was.
You know, someone said, you know, he will maybe he went for a talk. They said, you know, have you ever played your wife for cooking? And he said, No, man, I've never done that. So today, I decided to do that. So he told his wife, you know, he said, whatever her name is Sandra, Dolly, you know, I really, really enjoyed your food today. He got so upset with him today, because they're our neighbor, Auntie Fatima center.
Whichever has been easiest, he doesn't say goodies in problem. And he says good also.
Some things special about laughing together, you know, you laugh alone, you look at the cell phone, somebody sends you a joke, you laugh alone, it lasts for a little while. Or you look at the computer screen and the email and you look
at last laugh and finish it's done. But it seems to be some special effects of laughing all together? And do you just touched on it, that couples haven't laughed together? so much. And it's right to fix them? And those motivational programs? has such a good effect on them. Yeah, absolutely. See, the whole thing is this. I mean, now you don't have to be a person that is subtle with a joke. But even when you tickle each other, and your gift for your laugh and everything else, what it does, it brings about closeness, he just wants us shows you that there are no barriers between the two of you that you could, you know, and many people, you know, sometimes they want to
maintain the dignity and everything else and the, you know, standoffish and, you know, like the bourgeois and the, the finding difficult for them to laugh at others. But they all laugh with, you know, like I I was telling someone this weekend, in fact, his work when we had our program there on family relationships, I said to them, You know what, I have no issue if a person laughs at me, or with the laughs with me. Because even if he laughed at me, it gives him joy. I'm very happy. I'm very, very happy. You know. So it's about those things. It's about us having a perspective, making any day's work that you do, you come home tired. And when you come home tired, you want plenty.
pleasantness you don't want to listen to a barrage of complaints, and all of that. And, and in fact, those who have the ability to make others laugh, they connect with people very, very quickly, you might meet a person the first time to do some kind of subtlety, and with you know, give you one example, that many years ago.
At that time, we need to pay a fine ways to grow our traffic fine. We have to go to old fort road and Bay, your you go to one counter, and they'll give you a receipt and you go to the cashier to pay. And remember, you know, I went to this counter. Dimitri ladies. So I went to one lady, and I told her, you know, ma'am, EMI
the good citizen, I want to pay my fine. And yesterday, I read in the daily news that 50 million Rand is being owed on fines. So she told me in a very stern way. Oh, do you believe everything you read, you know? So I kept quiet anyway. So what happened then? Then when I went to the other counter, right, she then came to the second counter to relieve the cure of that counter. So I decided to go back to her. And I said to her, you know, today I learned something from you. So what did you learn? I said, You must not believe everything that you read. You know, I'm so glad for that. And I said you know why I'm telling you this, because according to your counter, the sign is
you are closed but you are really open
to take on the process.
So he wasn't amused after
he started laughing.
Is vaping you have it good. Maybe we can just finish to finish with one. One final little funny story from you.
You know, the story, you know, I often say this sometimes, you know, Professor not all professors, you know, they live in their own ivory towers of learning, you know, and they can be really, really pompous and all that and be not all of them. So anyway, this professor came to this village and he wanted to get across the river. And he saw a young boy he said to young boy, Tommy, young boy, can you take me across the river? The boy said, not a problem, take you away when you want to go. So they asked him, he said, Boy, Jeremy, do you know philosophy? The voices are I don't know. I don't know. The professor said to him, Well, you lost one third of your life further down the river and he
said to him boy do you know literature is not at all so I don't know literature. Well, you lost two thirds of your life in the excitement the boat. The professor was drowning the boy asked the professor Can you assume he said no. Then you lost your whole life in
thought he was one of the illiterate young boy was serving a greater purpose many people I'm sure that the boy saved the professor's
Glengarry Glen for your time and we will speak inshallah Allah bless you and inshallah, we will connect with your next Gk