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I Text Back Too Fast

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Daood Butt

Channel: Daood Butt

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Okay Salam aleikum, everyone.

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Okay, so Bismillah we will start this workshop. It's great to see a lot of people come out. So as you guys saw the title is AI texts Wait, I text back too fast. So it's up to you guys to see how you interpret it but we will have a nice discussion inshallah and we'll see what you guys have in mind regarding this topic with me. So before I begin, my name is Maria for those of you who don't know me, I'm a recent graduate from uOttawa currently trying to be a responsible adult. I have a full time job. Very different from the lights nice. We also have shaved out but with us and Scheffer. teslim so Please give them a round Welcome

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to cc advocacy on Ponce

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De Palma de la Pampa, don't get back amongst a madman. So, also another thing, please, we are limited on time. So, for us to use time wisely, please ask your questions right now, there are volunteers in the room Khadija and Hoda they have posted with them if in case you want to ask a question like that, you're more than welcome to write it on the post it note and they'll bring it up to us. And once the workshops over we won't be taking any questions. So please respect that. And inshallah I'm sure we will have a great discussion. Thank you.

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This will allow hamdulillah salatu salam ala rasulillah

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salam, alaikum, warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

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Okay, I'm just gonna give like a brief introduction on this topic. So

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some time ago, actually was about five or six years ago, I started teaching a seminar for automotive called the Philip chillon. And basically, in this seminar, there was a whole section, where we talked about social media. And this section started off with an introduction to social media and the impact that social media is having upon society and us as individuals as well. And some of the data that I collected, like, it's kind of old now. It's like data from like, the early 2000s, and all that. But what they what people were finding back then, was that addiction to social media is a very real thing. So someone who they like to have, like these tests and stuff like that, you know, you

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fill out these forms. And, you know, depending on how many hours you spend online, and so on and so forth, you could kind of tell whether somebody is addicted to social media or not. And also the the whole aspect of, Okay, if you take away social media from them, if they like, kind of go cold turkey, like they quit, then someone who is addicted to social media will go through like the same withdrawal symptoms, that somebody who's like addicted to drugs and stuff like that. So basically, like, they start to freak out, they're like, they crave it, they need it. And like it seriously affects their life. And one of the characteristics of addiction is, is when it impedes the quality

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of our life. And it affects our relationships. And what they found is that people who were addicted to social media, that that that is, that was one of the keys of that addiction was that it was taking over people's lives. And they weren't, it was affecting their relationships, it was affecting their jobs, is it affecting their motivation, and so on, and so forth. So social media, or addiction to social media, is a very real thing. Now fast forward, like half a decade or a decade. What we're finding now is that, that discussion, the discussion of addiction to social media, is not really a discussion that people are having anymore, because it's become so mainstream, it's become so common,

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it's become such a big part of our lives now, that when we say even the phrase or the expression, addiction of social media, we kind of ourselves become insecure about it, right? Because there's hardly an individual who isn't on social media. There's hardly an individual that doesn't have

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a smartphone, right? Like in an iPhone or some other lame phone, right? So

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So it's, it's all of us, right? So then how can we now take the you know, stand on our pedestal and be like, yeah, addiction to social media, and all of you are crazy, and you need to deal with this. And, you know, back when social media members started, when Facebook started, we heard a lot of like, you know, people talk about how Facebook is how long, right? Like, just stay off of Facebook, there's so much bad happening on Facebook, and like the internet and like the internet is how long, right? And you say that now and actually people will laugh, they will literally laugh at you be like, what do you mean Facebook's hot. Like that's ridiculous, right? Or the internet is hot. Um,

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right. So the discussion has shifted, and I think this is the reality of where we are right now. And it's, it's, you know, whether it's good or not, that's irrelevant at this point, because that's the reality is, as I said, we're all online. We're constantly online. And even, you know, back when they started doing these studies on social media, they would do these surveys where they would ask people

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Like, how much time do you spend online? And those surveys are really hard to do now, because we don't really like to see like how much time it's not like we don't have set hours, we don't have a set times the day we're online, we have our phones. So in a way, we're constantly online, right? We get a notification. We're waiting for something, we just open up Instagram, or Twitter or Snapchat or whatever it may be. That's our life. So an argument can be made, that we are online 24, seven, and sometimes we've had a lot, we even dream, like online, right? And what does that mean? That means while you posted something before going to bed, and while you're sleeping, you're like

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thinking about it, maybe like shows up in your dreams as well. Like, I wonder how many people liked my status? Right? I wonder what kind of comments I got. I wonder what happened in the wake up in the morning, the first thing you know, before fidget or whatever you like. Okay, let me just check real quick, like how many people liked it? What happened? Right? So an argument can be made that we're online 24 seven. So the discussion that I would like to have a challenge data today is let's talk about how to be responsible with social media. Right? And where are our boundaries? And I believe that we do have to have boundaries, right? Things are not black and white always. And that's like, I

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totally believe that. But at the same time, we do need certain boundaries. And we do need guidelines and we do need to kind of steer ourselves in the direction of

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being productive online. In our dunya in an hour after as well and Allah Subhana Allah knows best.

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smilla rahmanir rahim hamdulillah salatu salam ala rasulillah salam ala I'm about

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I'm going to do an experiment. Are you guys okay with that? Do you have to follow the rules?

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You don't have to do anything that's wrong or bad. You just need to close your eyes right now. Everyone, every single person in the room and I could see if your eyes are open. Close your eyes.

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Close your eyes.

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Good.

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Now everyone's eyes are closed. Okay? From what I could see except you close your eyes. Keep your eyes closed.

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you to close your eyes. Okay.

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Raise your hand

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if you bring your phone into the washroom.

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Okay, put your hand down.

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Alright, you can open your eyes.

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Do you think you're addicted to your phones?

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Right.

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I would say about what 80% of the people Oh, your eyes are close to oh and Mashallah look at 100 law, but 80% of you raise your hands, which means another 80% of the 20% was too shy to raise their hands. Right? So 88% of you technically bring your phones into the bathroom and that's interesting somehow because once upon a time you would go into like you know your parents or your grandparents bathroom you find like magazines or you know the newspaper with the classifieds or whatever's there you know, something to pass time. People like nowadays we've taken it to the next level that shakes out to the saying we are online 24 seven, including not only in our dreams, but in the bathroom. And

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somehow Hello was really interesting about that is that and he concluded with what I was hoping we would focus on today as well as boundaries because everyone goes through hardships you're not the only one like i was i was just snapping that I'm sitting next to him. I haven't seen checks out like since we since we graduated from Medina. I've only think we run into you once in Toronto, right? So only once had a lot. And I remember the days when he used to sleep in my in my room.

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On the floor. I used to sleep on the floor too. So yeah, but so those were the days was a long time ago. And I remember at that time I didn't even have a Facebook account. When I was student in Medina, the first time I opened a Facebook account. My brother did it for me in 2011 2011 my brother opened my first social media account and that was Facebook and I only opened that account so that I could he created he wrote my bio, right? The public profile and literally my one of my students was the first person to click like, right so it's transition so much and I being someone who is totally against it. Like I didn't I was a student to Medina, no way I'm having Facebook, right. But everyone

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is like, well, you're in touch with family friends back home, you get to see what they're doing. But now Somehow, I just snapped. Right? I never thought I'd be using Snapchat. So I asked you this question just to show you where things are going with regards to social media and its usage, etc. I asked this question to a high school that I was teaching out last year and Islamic High School in the Toronto area.

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And I'm going to ask you these questions as well. Raise your hand if you use or have a Facebook account.

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Okay, put your hand down.

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Raise your hand if you have or use a Twitter account.

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Okay, raise your hand if you have or use Instagram,

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and Snapchat,

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almost everyone puts their hand up at Snapchat, right? That's really interesting. So how to lie when I did this at high school. Now, there's some people in here that are like my age, right? So it's understandable that more people raise their hands with regards to the question about Facebook. But the younger generation is not really hooked on Facebook anymore. It's more Snapchat. And you'll notice the reasons behind that Facebook, a lot more reading, you could write a post that's like this long. And tomorrow, it continues, right? Twitter, a lot less reading. So more people tend to use it, right. But it's also a lot different in you know, its nature. Then you move to Instagram, almost

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everyone uses Instagram, because it's a quick thing. It's a picture, you look at it now Instagram incorporated snapchats, you know, features where you have videos live, and so on and so forth. So that's there as well within Instagram. But before that all came out, lots of people are on Instagram, but the younger generation, if you say Snapchat, they're saying DJ Khaled back at you. Right? They're just like, yeah, DJ, that's exactly what happened to me. And my wife was the one who asked me or told me to open up a Snapchat account. She's like the user on it, you need to be on it too.

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Exactly. You don't need to know Don't worry, don't worry. College is throwing you off just in DJ how long stuff at last. All right.

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So some have a lot. What's really interesting, there's our youth are doing a lot of things. And I don't really like to call you youth because what I see in front of me is young adults, youth are like little children. And I see young adults in front of me. And so it's important for us to understand our limits, it's important for us to know how to use social media, and the dangers of it as well. Some people are just super naive as to how these, you know, platform's work. And so it's important for us to educate ourselves. And we'll dive into that I'm hoping it's more questions in sha Allah hutan and discussion back and forth. barkcloth. Thank you.

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Are there any question first grade person?

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There's two little

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things.

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So the question here is, is there a way or some sort of possibility where a person can limit their usage of social media, some of you may have met shaping the feed as he is who's doing his lecture right now. He was just in this workshop room before. And one thing that was really interesting, he gave in like he caved. But last year, and I think the year before, he had no data on his phone. So he always had the latest phone, but no data connection, like no, he couldn't connect to the internet unless he was in a Wi Fi zone. And that was so annoying, because as someone who messages him regularly, it's like, sometimes you'd have to wait seven or eight hours before he responds to you.

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Or he tells you to turn on your hotspot. Right? Yeah. Then he uses all your data by watching videos.

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But yeah, that's that's really interesting. So that's one thing that he does. One thing that I like to do when I'm going to bed at night is I just turned off my my connection from my phone. I don't want to be connected. I want to sleep. I'm in charge of my sleep. And it's very difficult for a lot of people to do that. You'll hear that thing, thing thing every five seconds. Sometimes it's telling me like turn the ringer off, right? Because someone is just messaging constantly at two o'clock, three o'clock, four o'clock. So limit it as best as you can. But I'm sure there's many other ways.

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Mr. Law, so this is something I've actually thought about quite a bit, the issue of like, how do we limit ourselves and like, where do we limit ourselves?

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And there's no like right answer to this. But a couple things that I would actually recommend

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is, and I know this sounds cliche, number one and number two,

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when you see people doing this, I know a lot of other people like roll their eyes, and that is fasting from social media. Usually when Ramadan starts usually there's a couple people who are like, yeah, I'm turning off my social media or whatever. And then in the comments, people are like, Why are you showing off? Right? Just do it. Like why do you got to post on social media, about fasting from social media? Why are you such a hypocrite and so on and so forth? Like handle at least this person is like taking a step. Maybe they want some support, right? Maybe they want people to be like look right on like more power to you and we'll help you and so on and so forth. So for me like I

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think that's something that we should encourage. The month of Ramadan is the month of restraint itself.

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month of cutting back. So I actually really liked that idea. And for me personally, I kind of shot myself in the foot three or four months ago because I decided to do Snapchat reminders in Ramadan. So instead of like being less active in Ramadan, I ended up being more active in Ramadan. But other than that, like other than my snapchat and a couple other things, I personally tried to like use the month of Ramadan, to kind of disconnect. And I feel like we really need to make a conscious effort to have those times in our lives where we disconnect. And it's not like, yeah, I need to cut down or like I need to find some time. I mean, set realistic goals for yourself that you can actually follow

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through. And so if you tell yourself like, yeah, I'm gonna restrict my online usage to like an hour a day, I would say, maybe that's not a realistic goal, depending on who you are, right? But if you tell yourself like, Listen, an hour before going to bed, Lucic data was saying, like, I'm just gonna turn off my phone, or I'm gonna turn on silent, I'm gonna put it in the other room. And one of the things I would actually recommend is for you to buy an alarm clock, like an old school real deal alarm clock, because a lot of times we rely upon our phones for 100 people have used their phones as their alarms. Okay, right, most everyone. So that means our phone has to be right next to us. And

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that means there's always that urge to like pick up the phone to check. And maybe if we're having trouble sleeping, we pick up our phone and start scrolling through Instagram or whatever it may be. But yes, separate yourself from from your phone. One of the things that was really helpful for me personally,

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was I told myself and I like I made this deal with my wife. I said, when we're spending time with my son, my son's two and a bit, and I travel quite a bit. So like my time with my son is very, very valuable to me. And so we made this deal. We said, Look, if we win, we're spending time with our son. Like our phones are literally like, actually literally not the British literally like literally literally, they're on the other side of the room or they're in a in a different room. And we actually bought like a landline, a house phone, which you know, where I live, most people don't have like house phones anymore, right? Because everyone has cell phones. And when no one bothers to buy a

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house phone, we bought a house phone just for that purpose, just for look when we put our cell phones away. And we're like an hour into like not touching our cell phones. If there's an emergency, if there's an emergency, there's like another phone where somebody can reach us we never pick up that phone, we've told all our relatives, anybody like if it's really an emergency, don't call once called like 20 times, because like when our landline rings once or twice, we like we don't pick it up. Right? So those are just some ideas. But I think I mean, Mashallah, I'm sure all of you are very creative people. It's just, it's just kind of like being conscious about it and making a conscious

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decision to kind of separate yourself, spend time away from your phone.

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to it.

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Young adults

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and

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social media.

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I haven't

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checked for a

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while

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along or

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maybe

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we should be bothered

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with them.

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And the attention to other guys matters like this.

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You hear that we should time yourself and watch yourself how many minutes of authentically how many hours

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a day. So if you count yourself, you'll find yourself spending more than three hours a day. And that's real. That's that's the real issue. And if you want to do that, you have to

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count how many

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other practices

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you're juggling

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media is our

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channel or something

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For the last lecture, if you want to name things other than a week from now, so you guys

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should be here. And we will get to many

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contracts.

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In one good thing, right? This is our only share we did, this is not a demo. So we'll go down on your banner and your neighbors world and become our

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own EDM, those channels, it will never end.

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I have personally I don't have that on myself.

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Because I don't want I really I don't want because it follows me everywhere all

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the time.

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And I make

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up my life, because the real life is practicing just watching.

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Just watching that picture that

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is

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to say something that

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can be looked into.

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There's there's a question before we come to your question. There's a question that came up here. It's a written question, what is the link between social media and mental health. And personally, as someone who does quite a bit of counseling in my community back in the GTA,

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I've noticed that a lot of people tend to live in a bubble. I was telling this to my mother in law yesterday in the car, right? She's 76 years old, never had a cell phone doesn't even know how to use a cell phone if there was an emergency, right.

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But I was saying how a lot of people live in this bubble, where they will see certain people on social media and think that that's the ideal lifestyle. So then they become sad and depressed with regards to their life, and what they have and what they're going through, they fail to actually see what's happening around them and what they are blessed with from Allah subhana wa Tada. And always trying to chase after something that someone else has, without realizing Allah has already given you something to enjoy yourself. So I'm just going to say that, basically about the link between social media and mental health, there is a link. There are many, you know, therapists and doctors that you

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can go to and see that will help you with this, they've studied it, they look into it, they spend their days around that. But there definitely is a link between it and ultimate happiness is with Allah subhanho wa Taala. So don't chase after someone else's dream, live your own dream.

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Exactly. I'll just highlight one of the aspects, which I believe he touched upon as well. And that's the issue of self esteem and self worth, we find this generation having a serious problem with self esteem, self worth, even body image issues. And if you really look into like problems of body image and self esteem, they go back to two broad issues and two broad topics. Number one is comparison. And number two is fantasy. Right? So when we start comparing ourselves to others, and we look at their lives, and what they what they have, and then we look at ourselves, and we're like, yeah, I'm just, I'm not good enough, and so on and so forth. And then fantasy, right, we have this fantasy

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about what we're supposed to be and how we're supposed to be and all that. So those are two of the aspects that really, really affect our self esteem, and they affect our self worth. And they, they do they have psychological implications that we may not realize, right, and I think

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one of the biggest poisons, for our self esteem and self worth is, and I hate to say this and sound really negative and like sound like an uncle and stuff like that. But is our Instagram feed, right? Because what are we doing on our Instagram feed, we're looking at other people's lives, and we're looking at a perfect version of their life, a highly edited version of their lives. And if you look at instant celebrities, right, so those people who are like your Insta celebrities are and somebody who's like a nobody in real life, but on Instagram, they're like super popular, right? And instant celebrity. They post for the blog post, like a photo two, three photos a day or whatever. And their

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whole life is based off of posting stuff that looks a certain way. So a lot of these instant celebrities when they're interviewed. They'll they'll say like, yeah, you know, we'll we'll go

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Like I'll take, we'll take some pictures, but we'll take like 80 or 90 pictures. And then we'll pick one of them, and filter that and edit it, and so on and so forth. And that's, that's a very challenging way to live your life. But beyond them, everyone who's looking at that, or some people are looking at that, they look at that and think that's the norm. And even, I don't know how many of you are into like fitness and health and all that kind of stuff. The fitness accounts on Instagram are crazy, right? It's like this completely fantasy, unrealistic idea of what a man's body in a woman's body is supposed to look like, right? And we're told, yeah, this is achievable. This is

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realistic, you can do this, and so on and so forth. You know, a lot of these I can tell you from the guy side, right, at least from the guy side, a lot of these Instagram models, they're out there, they're taking steroids, they're putting their their health in jeopardy. They live a lifestyle, which is not a lifestyle that the average person, most people can live, right. But we're told, like, yeah, you know, just believe in yourself and work hard. And, you know, you could achieve this body, which is completely false. Right? So yeah, and it's a deception of people where that's what it is. But unfortunately, like, we see that and even I know some people like, Yeah, I don't believe it. But

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when you're, when we're looking at that constantly, right, we like, at least on a subconscious level, we're gonna believe that that's the norm. And then some part of us is going to be affected by that. That's just that's just one of the aspects that Shakedown said, this is actually

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something that that needs to be talked about, at length, at length, you know, the repercussions of social media. Mental Health relationships, like so much is being affected by and the other thing about social media is, we're we're in in the world of social media right now or in like, if you look at the history of social media, we're at its birth, right. So we don't even really know the true long term implications and effects of social media. Right? Like, we're just starting to see some of the effects of it. I mean, give it another few decades, you know, when this generation grows up, I mean, let's be honest, here, we're living with a generation that has that was born into social

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media, and this hasn't happened before. Right? where a child is born. I mean, you think about this panel, I think about all the time being a parent, you know, when a child is born, the parents from like, the moment of delivery, right, the child is online, which is like, it blows my mind. And I often scatola like not to judge anyone, but I personally like I cringe sometimes, when I see like photos from the delivery room, right? I'm like, Man, this is, this must be like a really intimate moment between you and your family. And it's like, you know, and this child comes out, and nobody's gonna see that child anyway. Right? This like, nasty Chow with like, you know, all this. Got me,

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come on, nobody wants to see that. And everyone in the comments is gonna be like, yo, Mashallah. So beautiful. I was thinking like, Whoa, is that what children look like when they come out? Right? nobody's really interested in seeing that. But from the moment and imagine to panel and off and think about this. How would I feel if my whole life was was online? Like, how would I feel if there were pictures from the delivery room of when I was born? And I'm like, 111, there was no social media back then. Right? And what about all the other things that happened? Like I did some dumb stuff in my life, right? Imagine I documented all that stuff. Right? And that's, that's it? that's a

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that's a very real scenario. Now, I'm because our whole lives are online, how does that affect our future? I mean, when we're trying to get a job, or you know, we make changes in our lives, or we turn a new leaf or whatever. And our passage is documented online. So these are all things that you know, we need to consider. And I speak to parents, I speak to children, I speak to everyone like you, we really need to look beyond today, right? or next week, or next month of like, oh, how many followers Can I get? How many comments Can I get? How many likes, can I get how, you know, it'll make me feel good in the moment or whatever, but like 10 years from now, or 20 years from now, or

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even cPanel? after we die, right? What is that going to like? What is what is our social media going to look like? And whether we like it or not, we're leaving our social media lives behind. And I know it sucks to think about this. But when we die, people are going to log on to our social media and be like, let's see what they were like. And people will literally be able to go back to birth. Right, which is, which is insane. So I really feel like you know, the issue and especially like taking control of our social media, I feel like sometimes we just go with the flow, right? Like everyone else is doing it. So we do it, it's become socially acceptable. So let's all just keep doing it. And

00:29:33--> 00:29:42

we don't think about the implications, but really just becoming conscious of what we're posting and how it affects us how it affects the people in our lives, how it affects ourselves.

00:29:43--> 00:29:45

And being conscious about what we post online a lot.

00:29:49--> 00:29:59

For example, Is it wrong to have the opposite gender on your social media, if you're not talking to them, for example, classmates or co workers and another similar questions? How can you keep boundaries

00:30:00--> 00:30:02

on social media regarding gender interaction.

00:30:05--> 00:30:11

So is it wrong to have other people on social media? Who you're not really into? Basically? Is that the question?

00:30:12--> 00:30:48

Personally, I discourage it. So I don't know, I just don't, I never really understood why people have someone of the opposite gender that they're not even related to, that they don't even know that probably doesn't even live in the same country that they live in. as friends on Facebook, for example, it just to me, doesn't really make sense, right. And I encourage a lot of people to stop doing that. If you do have that. If you're that person, then start filtering them out. Because what happens is, and this has been a very big problem, especially for some of the sisters when they're looking to get married, right guys, Mashallah. They go on Facebook, like, Oh, that's her name, her

00:30:48--> 00:31:18

last type it in there. And they get pictures. And like chef Sandra saying, going back many years of us doing things that we probably didn't think we would put online, but we did, or we put it online thinking, I don't really care if anyone thinks about that. But 10 years later, we forgot that we put that online. And then when people see it, they start judging us, etc. So there's a lot of, you know, a lot of harms and dangers in there, we can go deep. Diving super deep into this topic. What was the second part?

00:31:20--> 00:31:55

How to keep boundaries first? Yeah, basically just cut them off. Just to be blunt, like, I don't need to speak to you, I don't need to speak to you. Right, unless someone is asking. Like, for example, we have social media platforms when people ask questions, so we answer the questions, right. But you need to be someone who's in control, if you're going to be using that as Okay, sister x, y Zed messaged me Oh, Mashallah, they're gonna have that profile picture. And then you go click it, and you go check out their profile, and so on. There's actually settings that can stop you from doing that or stop others from doing that to you. So check your settings regularly. Personally,

00:31:56--> 00:32:22

that's what I tell anyone you want to be my friend on Facebook, go to the public profile, click like, and you can send me a message, if you need to ask me a question. And I can't see your profile, I just leave it at that I don't want to see your profile, I don't have the need to see it. So it's important for us to set those boundaries for ourselves as well. I get loads of people that send me you know, friend requests don't need it. It's a waste of my time. And one thing with regards to social media, I've been thinking about this from the very beginning is

00:32:23--> 00:33:02

if you value yourself, you will be in control of your phone and your social media platforms. If you don't value yourself, then you're gonna let it take control of you. Alright, so ask yourself that question. who's in control? You are your phone? When your phone beeps or vibrates? Is that dopamine taking over in you? Or are you taking over and saying no, it's okay. I don't need to listen to that, or I don't need to check it right now. And we see it happening when people are driving as well. It's kind of like driving and texting and messaging and sometimes things that are totally irrelevant. So set limits. I don't know. That's me personally, that's what I encourage people to do be blunt.

00:33:09--> 00:33:10

You need a hotspot?

00:33:11--> 00:33:12

No, no hotspot.

00:33:14--> 00:33:18

That's already done. We took care of that already. I already already happened already happened.

00:33:24--> 00:33:34

Okay, Bismillah. So, for the record, though, the two of them slept in my room. Right? Don't ask me how that happened? Because our room was like six feet by seven feet.

00:33:42--> 00:33:45

That's actually true, but not because not why you think so.

00:33:47--> 00:34:03

Anyhow, so these two questions I they seem to be or that we could say that they're related. First is what age do you think a person should have a phone? Second is as a parent, do you think we should watch every activity of our kids online?

00:34:04--> 00:34:07

Most social media have 18 year old rule

00:34:08--> 00:34:52

for younger kids. Okay. So in general. And I'm just going to preface my answer by saying this may be a little bit controversial, and I apologize for that. But I don't think there is a set age. Right? And not i'm not saying that you shouldn't set an age. I just don't think there's one particular age where you say, look, as long as you give your child a phone after 14, everything will be fine. Right? That's not how it works. There's children who get a phone when they're 10. And they're fine. Right? And then there's children who get a phone when they're 17 or 18. And they still go in the completely wrong direction. And the the the main factor here is really to be an upbringing, right?

00:34:52--> 00:35:00

Like what we have talked to our kids about what we have, what we have, what discussions we've had with our kids, and I think I know you know, on a personal

00:35:00--> 00:35:35

I think about this a lot, because my kids still two, two and a half. And I often think about this issue of like, what am I doing to prepare him? For the world that he's stepping into? Right? I can, I can take the easy route, which, which I firmly believe is the easy route to just shield and shelter him from everything. Right? And just be like, No, I'm not gonna give him a phone, not gonna, he's never gonna watch TV. He's never going to log online, none of that stuff, right? Just keep him maybe lock them in the basement, right, chained him up or whatever, or just keep him totally away until he's 21 getting married and hot off. Right? Like, that's the easy way out. Right? But you

00:35:35--> 00:35:49

know, that's ridiculous, because that doesn't work. Right? So I believe in educating kids, I believe in talking to kids about the issues and problems that are out there. Right, like, let's take something kind of controversial, right? Game of Thrones,

00:35:50--> 00:36:28

right? Many people watch Game of Thrones, and more people watch it, then they would care to admit, right. So there's, there's one school of thought that says, you know, banish your kids who like keep keep TV away from the kids, and so on and so forth, or whatever. There's another school of thought, which I follow, which says, Hey, listen, how about you sit down with your kid, and talk to them about Game of Thrones, and be like, Look, there's a TV show out there that is very popular. And people watch it, and so on and so forth. However, here's the problems with it. And here's the issues with it. And you know, like the the the language and the nudity and the you know, sexuality and like

00:36:28--> 00:36:36

all the sudden the violence and and so on so forth, educate your kids, right? Tell them talk to them about the dangers and the problems, and how, you know, viewing

00:36:37--> 00:37:09

those type of, you know, TV shows, or whatever can lead to something like a pornography addiction, which can lead to like serious problems in a person's life, in their marriage, and so on and so forth. psychological issues, and mental health issues, and all of that, like have, I think we need to have these real discussions with our kids. And sometimes, like I said, like, the easier route is just to shelter them to be like, No, I'm just not going to ever give them a phone. I'm not going to ever, you know, I'm just going to keep them away. I'm never going to let them go to college or university or whatever. And that's not an answer. Because if you just lock somebody up for a long

00:37:09--> 00:37:42

time, as soon as they get their freedom, they're gonna go wild. And like, we've seen it happen, right? Like, especially those of you who are probably around my age, who've been through college university know, we like we all saw people who grew up super conservative, super sheltered, and all that. And as soon as they got their freedom they went, they didn't just go like kind of they went super crazy, right? Because all of a sudden, listen, all this stuff that they were never exposed, they knew nothing about and like this, this door opened up for them. So that so that's a problem. For me, like I said, Not to say that, that that that we should be a free for all. That's not my

00:37:42--> 00:37:55

message here. The message here is that yeah, that we should have boundaries and restrictions for our kids. But they should be accompanied with dialogue and discussion and understanding. And even subpanel. I was speaking to a brother who has a son who's

00:37:57--> 00:38:04

12 years old. And I asked him, I said, Just out of curiosity, because you know, I have a son as well. I'm like, have you talked to him?

00:38:06--> 00:38:46

about sex? Right? And he goes, Yeah, I had that discussion. I was like, What was it like? And he goes, it was super uncomfortable. And it was super awkward. And I don't know, like, and he and and, you know, I just I was really reluctant to do it. But I'm glad I did. Because once I got my child to open up, I realized that he was already exposed to things that I never would have imagined. And he had so many questions. And there's so many issues that that he at 12 years old, he was already dealing with. And like he and then the Brits, brother, Tony said, I'm actually My only regret is that I waited until he was 12 to have that conversation with him. Right? And a lot of times that

00:38:46--> 00:38:59

that is sometimes very late. Right? So at a young age, and I know like especially, you know, culturally and from back home and whatever. I know, like my parents never had that discussion. Like we never had that discussion, my household, right?

00:39:00--> 00:39:22

That's just like, that would be something which is ridiculous even. And so. But this is like this generation, like we we owe it to them, right? Like if we've been through these issues, like we can't just pass them down. Right? You can't just take the like, the easy way out and say, You know what, they'll figure it out or just, I'll just set rules for them and just, you know, just hopefully that'll work. That's, that's not always that's, that's not always enough. A lot of

00:39:27--> 00:39:28

their parents,

00:39:30--> 00:39:31

how can that change and how can I get

00:39:36--> 00:39:53

you can't make your kids understand anything. You can't make your kids listen to you. The best you can do is to be open with them is to have a dialogue with them is to have a discussion with them is to have a good relationship with them, where they feel comfortable talking to you

00:39:54--> 00:39:59

and make the out to Las panatela that Allah protects them. I mean, that's pretty much all that

00:40:00--> 00:40:10

You can do because the guidance of our kids, the guidance of anyone really for that matter is not in our hands. Right? Even the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was told in nicoleta, demon,

00:40:12--> 00:40:50

demon Yeshua, that you don't guide those whom you love. Rather, it is a law who guides whomever he loves. And that is why we have stories of prophets who had a name salatu salam who had problems with their own families, right, knew how to use them. And so there's so many examples that we have. And that lesson for us is in the end of the day, like as a parent, we, we do the best we can do. But results are in the hands of a last panel with data. We have to trust in a lot that, you know, our kids will turn out, okay, yeah, we make the effort. And I and I actually spent a lot I had this discussion with my mom, when I had my son, and I was like, Mom, like, I'm freaking out here. Like,

00:40:50--> 00:41:23

there's so much craziness in the world. You know, I speak to a lot of young people. And like, I see the craziness that's out there. Like I see like this stuff kids are doing now, whatever. And I'm like, Mom, like, I'm freaking out here. Like, I don't know what to do. And she said, you know, at a certain point, and yeah, you have to try your best. But you know, it's part of your faith that you have trust in a lot. And it's part of your faith that you asked a lot to protect your your kids, right? We make the art for our kids, and we ask them to protect my mom's like, that's something that I did. For for you. And for your siblings. There were times where and my family we weren't always

00:41:24--> 00:41:26

religious family. We weren't practicing for a long period of time.

00:41:28--> 00:41:39

And but my mom told me like, even in those times, he said I was pray for you. I was pray that you'd be guided towards what is correct and what is best. All right. So we'll move on.

00:41:53--> 00:41:54

You didn't just give me this.

00:41:57--> 00:42:07

Question. Can you speak about how social media is jeopardizing relationships and marriages? You asked me this question, my wife is in the room. Come on.

00:42:09--> 00:42:47

Definitely is harming marriages. Like, I asked the question before, how many of you, you know, we did it. For those that came late? Right? disclaimer, we asked everyone to close their eyes. And we asked a general question. How many of you take your phones into the bathroom? Don't raise your hands, right? So by 80% of the people, but some handle that we can ask this question as well, how many of you lay down in bed at night and you're laying next to your spouse but you're on your phone and he's on his phone? Or she's on her phone? Whoever you are, right? So it is definitely affecting relationships, people are not spending as much time together anymore. Once upon a time people would

00:42:47--> 00:43:23

go out for dates with their spouse no longer going out for dates, no longer going out for walks, not having those, you know, family moments, are you sitting in the park together? So yeah, social media is definitely affecting people's lives in that way, their marriages, their relationship with their children, children are seeing it as well. So that's one of the reasons why children pick up social media. So quick, parents who asked that question, well, how can I limit my children from using social media? Will? Are you limiting your use of social media in front of your child, if not, well, your parents or your children are seeing you use it right. So it is definitely a problem.

00:43:26--> 00:44:03

So we acknowledge that it's there. Now one thing we need to do is, like we mentioned earlier, is limit the use of social media. So for example, like I said, For myself, I set a limit, and I like to encourage my wife to set a limit sometimes to right where the phone gets disconnected from the Wi Fi. And to be honest, I love to sometimes just use a phone for a phone and we don't use it as a phone anymore. No one calls anyone people just message you and if you don't respond after they see the two blue ticks there, they know you read that message. They just like I know you saw the message Why are you ignoring me? It's like you know what I might be busy I might be driving might have

00:44:03--> 00:44:44

something else more important than your life to live and that's my life right? But somehow that people don't take it that way. And that's why I encourage people disconnect yourself disconnect yourself. It's not going to be easy, it's going to be extremely extremely difficult. But I found I needed to disconnect and so I started with like I said step one was just turn it off at night where I put my I actually leave my ringer on full blast over the night. But because it's disconnected from the Wi Fi nobody calls me no one messages me and no one disturbs my sleep and I leave it that way so that if I always tell people if there's really an emergency people will pick up the phone and call

00:44:44--> 00:44:59

you if they're not gonna say you know what, someone just died you know they had a car accident and Uncle so and so died in a car accident and they're gonna message you you know 3040 times on on WhatsApp and I'm gonna do that i think it posted on Facebook you don't check your messages someone just died.

00:45:00--> 00:45:10

Pick up the phone and call you. And if they're not gonna call you, you are either not important enough, or they are not important enough. Right? So we need to understand that inshallah.

00:45:17--> 00:45:20

Do you guys have any other questions? Or do you want

00:45:22--> 00:45:23

to say

00:45:26--> 00:45:28

it's up to you? Do you want to ask for

00:45:36--> 00:45:38

the Facebook bio that he wrote for me?

00:45:39--> 00:45:43

It's like pretty much the same bio that in the this thing right now

00:45:44--> 00:45:47

is almost exactly the same. It's just been edited.

00:45:50--> 00:45:51

Did you have a question in the back?

00:45:54--> 00:45:54

Yeah.

00:45:57--> 00:45:59

I can hear you have to speak louder, please.

00:46:05--> 00:46:06

What do you mean, personal opinion?

00:46:19--> 00:46:36

I think basically, they said that it's all about how you can limit yourself, it's beneficial at the same time, if you give too much time, it often would cause a lot of problems. So I think that would be the answer to that question. Is there any other question where we have about five, six minutes left? Yes.

00:46:38--> 00:46:39

Sorry, ever speak louder?

00:46:57--> 00:46:58

For example, what?

00:46:59--> 00:47:00

shopping on Amazon?

00:47:11--> 00:47:33

Yeah, yeah. So I really liked what she said, I think that's an that's an amazing idea, I'm actually going to try and implement that, um, use your phone as a phone. Right? So turn off your data, or your Wi Fi, and call and text. Alright, so that's you're still connected to people like real people, not people like just online. And other than that, look, I'm, I'm just going to be real with you,

00:47:34--> 00:48:09

though, like, your life is not going to be that affected if you miss out on social media. And I say this not because like, it's like, the right thing to say, I've tried this, right, I've disconnected for days. And like, there's a part of you that says, Man, I wonder what's going on out there. I wonder what's happening, like the latest news and this and that, or whatever. And what you find actually found law, which is crazy for me. And I'm just going to speak about this in my in my session, and that is that the world keeps moving and things will constantly keep happening, whether you are fully informed, fully aware or not. Right? But what is important to you, at the end of the

00:48:09--> 00:48:43

day is your psychological and your spiritual health and your relationship with Allah subhana wa, Tada. Right. So logging off for a day to days or whatever, just it's not, it's not gonna affect your life. Right? Yeah, you're gonna miss out on some gossip and some news and this and that, and latest of what's happening here and there. But if something is really, really important, you're gonna hear about it, right? People talk, right? And there's, there's real conversations to be had someone's gonna come to you and say, Hey, did you hear about this that happened there? or whatever? He was like, No, tell me about it. Now, this is a real conversation that you're having, rather than a post.

00:48:43--> 00:49:02

And then like 250 comments, or people are arguing back and forth and just becomes another form of entertainment to watch people argue and get upset and this and that and all that. You're not missing out. Trust me a lot. And you're not shopping on Amazon when you're sleeping buddy. Right? And if you are just buy me something, send it to my house.

00:49:03--> 00:49:05

This sister had a question

00:49:14--> 00:49:15

and not spread out.

00:49:17--> 00:49:18

But I have a question

00:49:23--> 00:49:24

that should be placed on the board.

00:49:26--> 00:49:27

And we can

00:49:31--> 00:49:39

conferences or things like that. But he's basically saying Okay, what about my grandfather's asset

00:49:40--> 00:49:42

class, and

00:49:43--> 00:49:44

he said he started

00:49:46--> 00:49:46

to

00:49:48--> 00:49:52

integrate the seven deadly sins that you are ready to do a claim.

00:49:53--> 00:49:55

How much do you want us to deploy

00:50:01--> 00:50:15

I'll be honest with you, I don't know if I can answer this question in like the few minutes that we have left. But because it is a nuanced answer, it's not black and white. Right? I'm not talking about the opinion of whether music's harmony that I'm talking about that I'm talking about how to deal with these real life issues.

00:50:16--> 00:50:18

It is a nuanced answer. So

00:50:19--> 00:50:19

no.

00:50:20--> 00:50:21

Yeah.

00:50:22--> 00:50:23

on social media.

00:50:25--> 00:50:56

By the way, I don't, I don't I don't. My policy on social media is I do not do private messaging on any platform. Right. Like, any platform, right? I just, I just don't want to open that door. And like, it's not because I think I'm like holier than thou or better than other speakers or whatever. I just know that it could potentially be a fitna, right. And I just don't want to open that door. And that's why I don't I don't do private messaging. I don't I, you know, nobody's sliding in anybody's DMS here. So I noticed that about

00:50:57--> 00:51:29

a while back, you posted about that, right? I think on Facebook or something. And I was like, well, that's actually pretty cool. Because you wouldn't believe how much time I spend a day. And so I was like, well, you're always on your phone, like lm answering questions. And you know, hours, sometimes you just answering questions, no one's paying me for it. Right? So I could go and spend four or five hours a day earning wealth somewhere else instead of answering questions, but it's just a door that once you open so Pamela just gets out of control? congratulate you for doing that.

00:51:31--> 00:51:32

Question.

00:51:34--> 00:51:36

I wanted to talk about one of the things I wanted

00:51:37--> 00:51:39

to reveal to the people who actually

00:51:44--> 00:51:56

went to a room where you go like to apply for permission to sit next to someone physically on your home, and your work or socializing with people. People have lost the art.

00:51:57--> 00:52:06

If you could be in a room full of people, and no matter where you go, you honor the art of talking to the second next year.

00:52:09--> 00:52:31

So the key is to message them in the room. And No, I'm just kidding. You're absolutely right. There's a there's a comedian who did this bit where he said, He's like social media more like anti social media. Haha, right, which is like cliched, but it's right. Right. And the irony of social media is that it's made us less social in the real sense of being social.

00:52:45--> 00:53:20

So we walked into the speaker's room before and all the speakers and organizers everyone was sitting around these two tables, all of them were on their phones, not a single person was having a conversation with each other. It's a reality of our time. So I encourage you so Pamela, you know, it's super cool. Like some people admire like Omar Reagan, right? You know, Mr. Reagan, this guy Mashallah can pick up a conversation with anybody at any time anywhere, Mashallah, like he's just got that skill. We don't have that anymore. We don't know how to interact with one another. We don't know how to strike up a conversation. And that's not the method of the profits in the long run. You

00:53:20--> 00:53:31

send them you're with someone, you give them your full attention, right? Especially if you're talking to them not like husband and wife messaging each other thing in bed. We ask Allah Subhana Allah to make this easy for us. One last thing I want to end with because I know I'm probably gonna get cut off, right?

00:53:34--> 00:53:36

Think of how when was the last time you washed your phone?

00:53:41--> 00:54:07

So this brother actually told me he's like, No, I have a Sony and I it's fully waterproof. Or I think it was a Sony literally, or the new iPhone as well, right? Yeah. So you can wash your phones. Those of you that can wash your phones, please do so. He's kind of gross that 80% of us bring our phones in the washroom and we don't wash our phones. So on Amazon, where's Amazon guy? He left wasn't appealing it. Alright. You can get these wipes that are specifically made for your phones, which is pretty good idea.

00:54:13--> 00:54:15

session. So thank you so much for joining us.