Daood Butt – Essential Fiqh – Sunday November 1, 2020

Daood Butt
AI: Summary © The segment discusses the importance of marriage in Islam, including the importance of avoiding sex and not wanting to marry anyone. The speaker emphasizes the importance of finding a partner who is financially stable and has a history of religious expression. The segment also suggests finding a partner who is good in their religion and has good character. The importance of finding a partner who is widowed by death and has children is also discussed. The segment encourages people to be happy in their life and avoid giving birthdays to their parents and children.
AI: Transcript ©
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My brothers and sisters said Mr. Icahn law, he will buy a cat. So it's Sunday night, the time has changed our class. Obviously, you know the timing, we're just going to try and figure out how you and I are going to figure out how we're going to do this and what time we're going to continue to do this not inshallah, Tada. I know that some of you you enjoy having class

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a little bit earlier, and some of you might enjoy having it a little bit later. But we are going to

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stick with the after a shot of timing. So basically, eight o'clock, okay, so we'll start the class at eight o'clock, showing the buses at 730. So some of the brothers might still be on their way home or arriving home. But their families can always tune in and shuttle out dad every way and then those brothers can, you know, benefit once they get home inshallah. So, we're starting a new chapter tonight, the chapter of marriage shuttle of Atlanta. And of course, we know that the chapter of marriage is obviously a chapter that captures the interest of many people look at that my wife just finished logging into So, you know, see, there you go. That's proof and evidence that it captures.

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Lots of people, when they hear the chapter of marriage are like, Alright, let's go, let's talk about this, right? Because we need to straighten each other out, or we need to, like figure out what our rights are or, you know, people want to know, okay, who am I gonna choose? What am I looking for in a spouse? Or, you know, how am I supposed to deal with my in laws and the problem that, you know, we might face in the future or are currently facing? How do I easily quickly or efficiently or islamically, get out of a messy marriage, you know, sometimes people are going through difficulty in their marriage. And, you know, they need to figure that out as well. So these are some of the things

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that we're going to be covering in this chapter in sha Allah.

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To start off with marriages, of course, one of the most emphasized practices or we could say the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. What we mean by that is, so much of

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what we go through in our lives in a marriage life can be found in the life of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam What I mean by that is anything that we're going through any challenges, the hardship or any curiosity that we might have, regarding something in marriage, we can always go back and try and find the answers to what we're looking for in the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. And that's because, you know, one of the reasons why and a lot of people ask, why is it that Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, along it to sell them had so many wives? Well, you know, each one of them was helping to preserve a part of the son of Mohammed son alongside of us and

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them part of his life, right, they got to see the, the intimate aspect of the life of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that many of us or I should say, many of us, however, whether male or female, were not able to see and witness.

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Allah Subhana Allah also says in the Quran in surah, provided the first number 38. And indeed, We sent messengers before you before Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and indeed we sent messengers before you and made for them wives and offspring. So we know when we even go all the way back to the time of Adam alayhis. Salaam, before there were any children there was Adam and her work or Eve. So Adam and Eve, Adam, and what has been in life, married on Earth, had lots of children, their children, eventually married, you know,

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their own children, there's no other people. It's time that was that was the way it was, right. So they're married, you know, they're

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their siblings, technically,

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that were born at other times of them because remember, they were born in pairs, and you know, as twins.

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And human beings lived on earth, and we're still going, we can't say the end because we're still here. Right? So we're still traveling through this story of the human being in life.

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A few things about marriage. So, you know, three people came to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, to the White House or the wives of the Prophet salam, or any of the sentiment or asking about the acts of worship, how the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was, you know, to explain to them, who he was and what type of person he was how he did his very bad things that he would, you know, do in his own personal time and they were so amazed by this they were so captured by the, the,

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the extent of the Rebbe of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam and how much used to dedicate himself to Allah subhana wa Tada.

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And then they said, you know, where are we with respect to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam? And that's a question that you and I probably asked ourselves all the time, where are we with respect to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam How well do we behave? How much do we you know, submit to Allah subhana wa Tada. I'll share alterra lesson with you in a bit inshallah, right after this hadith

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So the ask Where are we with respect to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam? Verily Allah has forgiven him of his past sins and his future sins. Right? So he's forgiven.

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One of them one of the three men, right? Who came to ask about the life of the Prophet so long it was on one of them said, As for me, I shall pray the whole night long. Right? So he's saying, from now on, I'm just going to pray all night long. That's it every single night, all night long. I'm just going to be busy and busy worshiping Allah subhana wa, what's the other one said, I shall fast continuously without breaking my fast as in every single day fasting every single day.

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And then the third one said, I shall remain away from women and will never marry.

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Right? Why is he saying this so that he has time to do everybody he has, you know, the ability to submit to a loss of data and not, you know, have to sidetrack and get his time away to anything or anyone else. And then the profits in the long run, I think it was something and then came in set.

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By a law, I am forced, I am most fearful of a law

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and most conscious of him.

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However, I fast and break my fast

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and sleep.

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And I marry women.

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Whoever turns away from my way of life is not from me. So we see that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam

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explains to these three men, you know, you can't just expect to dedicate all of your time doing things, there has to be a spectrum of things that you do, and you have to do everything in moderation. Right? And that's an example as to how we can easily capture lots and lots and lots of good deeds. Because we look at the price of the life of Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, you'll notice that he did so many things.

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And you wonder to yourself, how on earth would I ever be able to do all the things that he's done and he is doing

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but when you think of it, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was doing lots of things, spreading them out. So there was goodness with this person and goodness with the neighbor and goodness with the spouse and goodness with children and goodness with you know, in laws and goodness with friends and goodness and goodness and Vic and goodness and grace and goodness in business and goodness and trade and goodness in helping others and goodness in settling people's affairs in the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was doing so many different things that you wonder to yourself, I can't do all of this, I have to cut things out of my life. But the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa

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sallam taught us if you just do little things here and there, and you keep adding, keep adding, keep adding, eventually, you don't have time to waste on things that are taking you away from a loss of data or just wasting your time in general. And you'll be spending your time on things that are beneficial for you, that will help you that you will feel a lot closer to a lot a lot better in your life. And you'll be able to capture more and more and more of the Quran, and the son of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in your life. And I said I would share an example of us as we are following the example of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam. So I was on the phone earlier

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with someone who I was supposed to call who is who's interested in Islam, and had some questions to ask about Islam.

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And it was a brother in the community who gave me the number to this woman and said, You know what, she's she seems to be very well versed in the you know, the aspects of our Deen. Maybe she just needs a little more motivation to become a Muslim. And maybe you can help her to answer some of those questions. And then she'll accept Islam, like, okay, I'll give her a call. So I called her.

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And I was like, you know, if you have any questions about assumptions, I don't really have any questions right now. But you know, it just wanted to share something like one of the things that, you know, she's she's saying one of the things she's always felt in her life was that anytime she's gone through hardship, there was always a Muslim that would help her to get through that.

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And anytime there were blessings in her life, it was usually because of Muslims.

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And I was like, wow, that's powerful. That's amazing, right? Here's a woman who's saying, you know, I know that there's other religions out there, but I've never felt comfortable with those religions. I've always felt that God is one and Jesus is not God. This is what she was saying she feels she felt that, you know, Jesus is a prophet or a messenger of God and he's a human being. God can't be a human being. And therefore, you know, she was never really

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into her religion.

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belief. Now I'll just keep the details out. And so she said, you know, because of that

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I was more inclined to Islam and to read more about Islam. And the reason why is because she said any time in her life and she said, I went through really hard times in my lifetimes where I wasn't earning, you know, at all and living in a very, very low status in terms of income. And, you know, not really having food to eat, but she was like, anytime I went through difficulty, there were always Muslims that would help me through that. And she says, anytime that there were blessings in my life, it was always because of the Muslims. And she, she said, because of that, I know that this is, you know, this is the religion this, this is the truth. So I asked her, I said, Have you ever

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been, you know, contemplated taking the Shahada, like, you know, testimony of faith and testify? She said, I already did. I was like, oh, wow, I didn't know that you're already a Muslim? And she said, Yes, I just, you know, not too long ago, because she said, I figured What's the point in waiting, if I know that this is the truth, and I may as well accept Islam, and she said, you know, with some of her people that she knows that are Muslim, she embraced Islam. hamdulillah. So, you know, that's, that's a beautiful

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example for us that as Muslims, and I've been saying this a lot in the last few lectures in the last few hooks, you know, the more we get close to a loss of handling data, the more we follow the Sunnah Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, the more goodness will come on earth. And you'll notice that here's a person who,

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who admitted that, you know, the Muslims, do lots of goodness. And I said, Well, look, I don't want to, you know, I hate to say this, but there are some Muslims out there who may make you feel the opposite, right? You might be a little bit too harsh. They might she's like, I know, I understand that in every religion and all and there's, it's not even linked to religions. There are people who are, you know, some people who take things very literally, and who are, you know, very forceful, she's like, I understand that, I understand that. And, you know, that's just how people are, but somehow to LA, you know, that was a beautiful example of how someone understood the goodness of the

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Muslims that we learned from the life of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and had an effect on her that she embraced Islam, just by the good actions of Muslims. hamdulillah All right.

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If a person fears that they will commit,

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I'm going to be very frank, like I said, in the fifth class, I, you might have children watching, you know, I'm, I'm assuming that you're okay with your children attending the fifth class, especially if you're talking about marriage. So if a person fears that you will commit illegal sexual *, and in SM, this means out of marriage, so to people that are not married, you know, being sexually intimate with one another. If a person fears that then

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and has the ability to get married, then it becomes an obligation upon them to get married. Okay, so, yes, it is a Sunnah of the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam to marry. But if a person is falling into sin, and doing how long and they're able to get married, then it becomes an obligation, they must get married.

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If a person is not able to marry, then that person is advised to try to fast more often. Okay, and there's a few other things that we can talk about, of course, we're just touching the surface of things, right? We're just like, you know, surfing across the top of the ocean here. But there's a lot of knowledge and a lot of time that we could spend talking about certain things. So if a person is not able to get married, then what's encouraged this ethically is that that person fasts and the profits in the long run, I think he was sending them said to you know, people who were in this situation, the Sahaba of the lower income, he advised and spoke out to the young men, he said, Oh,

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young men, whoever Have you has the ability

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to wed,

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sorry, whoever Have you has the ability should wed as in whoever is able to get married should get married.

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For it lowers the gaze, and protects the private parts. So it gives you the ability to control your eyes, and lowering the gaze doesn't mean just looking down all the time. It means not looking with desire, not looking with, you know, the need to, you know, come closer to someone for some other reason. So the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says, Oh young men, whoever Have you has the ability should wait for it lowers the gaze and protects the private parts. Whoever does not have that ability should fast and that will be his shield. That will be his shield. So anyone from amongst us who's having a difficult time and is not buried, then

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You should try fasting more often especially now because the days are shorter now fasting A lot of people say why fasting? Well first of all when the body is weak and doesn't have that extra energy, you know, then that's one way of looking at it but also we know that fasting is a shield so a slim agenda fasting is a shield. It protects us from from things that are out there protects us from our own thoughts as well as our desire to go and do something that'll last a penalty that is not pleased with so

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you're consciously aware of a lot and fasting right now. I can't do this fasting right now I'm not supposed to backbite fasting right now I'm not supposed to look at certain things. Fasting right now I'm not supposed to be here. Fasting, right? So you're conscious of Allah subhana wa, tada in your submission to a law and therefore it protects you. It's a shield. Okay.

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So what woman is best to marry? So we're going to look at what a men should look for in a woman and then we'll look at what a woman should look for in a men. Okay, what woman is best to marry? So if someone wants to get married, if a man or a brother wants to get married, what is he going to look for in a spouse? First of all, look for religion. Okay, look for religion.

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Right out of the Aloha, I'm married that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam said a woman is married for four reasons as in four things, right? There's four things basically, that men should look for in a spouse when he's choosing someone.

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He says some or I need to send them her wealth, or lineage, her beauty or her religiousness.

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Okay, so four things.

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Her wealth, her lineage, her beauty, and her religiousness or religious religiosity, right her level of Deen.

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So obtain the one who is religious, and may your hands be filled with dust as in May you prosper. Okay, so the profits in the long run is some highlights a person's wealth, right? Why because, hey, it's not the fact that she might have wealth, look at her connection to wealth is she someone who you can afford, not everyone is the same. Right? You'll notice when you look around in society, some people will require more amounts of wealth to sustain themselves, or to maintain their type of lifestyle, their lifestyle requires a certain amount of wealth. And some other people have a lower amount of wealth that they require in order to sustain their lifestyle. So when you're looking at

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the wealth, linked to a woman, it doesn't necessarily mean look for a woman who's rich. And it doesn't necessarily mean look for a woman who's poor. Because remember, the woman who's poor might now have all the wealth that you bring into her life, and she enjoys that wealth more than she enjoys you. And she takes that wealth and she's gone. Right? Or, and there's so many different scenarios, she might be someone who's wealthy and you can't afford to maintain her. Or she might be someone who's wealthy and cares more about the wealth than she does about her speech or cares more about her, you know, her her status due to wealth, and, and you know, expects a certain type of food

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all the time, or, you know, there's lots of lots of things. You know, if I write a book on this, I could probably write it and write it and write it for a whole year on this chapter alone, right on the Teddy's alone, I should say.

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And then the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says, her lineage as in, where does she come from? Who are her parents? Who are siblings? Is this a good family, but also understand my brothers and sisters? A lot of the time, you know, when brothers are looking for a spouse, they'll think to themselves, oh, this is the daughter of the female, she must be amazing.

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Just because she's the daughter of the Imam doesn't mean that she's the best person for you. Okay, maybe the Imam is an awesome person, his daughter might be like,

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someone who's gone from the dean, right? Or maybe he's the Imam so busy with the community and he never had time to raise his own children. And so his children are nowhere near you know, his level of religiousness than he is. Right. So keep that in mind. Also. Sometimes brothers will say oh, I have to marry a pious woman marry a post woman marry pose woman then you marry the pious woman and she's schooling you on your deen.

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And this happens, sometimes brothers, you know, they get married and they're like, you know, I thought it'd be

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teaching my wife about the deen and she's always telling me you're doing this wrong you're doing that wrong. You wake up late stuff for a while go make Toba read Quran and do this and do that. And you know, some brothers are like, I just can't keep up. She's too religious for me. Right? So you have to look at what is going to fit in your lifestyle as well. based on who you are no doubt when we get married, you know, it's a completion of half of our team isn't that person that was coming along and the two of you together going to work to raise yourselves in Eamon right to get higher and closer to Allah subhana wa to add in status, while at the same time.

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Sometimes marrying someone who's not as religious.

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Or I should say, Sorry, when I talk about religiousness, right, I started sidetrack because I was thinking of the email. We're talking about the lineage. Sometimes someone who comes from a family that is not pious, or not religious, might be a good thing.

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Right might be a good thing. First of all, there are sisters who embraces them, they need to get married. When brothers come along, they're like, Oh, your family's not Muslim. Sorry, I'm gonna have to deal with like your family and Christmas. I don't want to do that. I'm sorry, I don't have time for that. Wait, wait a second is your opportunity to give that one to others. It's your opportunity to help someone, it's your opportunity. This person may be their new team, very new, very fresh to them. And your opportunity to gain so many rewards by teaching your wife out to pray, what to say in prayer, how to, you know, fast during the month of Ramadan, you know, how to dress according to the

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deen how to recite the Quran, you know, the teacher to meet, and the best do or how to say and so on and so forth. So it might be your agenda, right there.

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At the same time, remember, when we're marrying someone, well, when you're marrying someone, I'm married already, right? And my wife's watching too. So I got to pick and choose my words wisely. But, you know, when you're marrying someone,

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if her family you know, sometimes people say oh, all of her siblings, they already got divorced, and her parents are divorced. So if we get married to her, then you know she's she's

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comes from a family that would divorces? Well, it's done. We're gonna get divorced too. So there's no point in marrying into that family makes you think. Maybe she's thinking herself. I know that. I know what this brother and that sister and his brother and sister in this brother made as mistakes in their marriages. And I'm not going to do any of that. I'm going to make sure that I do one of us.

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So you see, there's risk involved in marriage. Okay, there's risk involved in marriage, in anything that you do in life, especially in marriage, there's going to be risk. Risk is like business. Okay, so if you're good at married, you're probably good at business. So I'm just like, helping my wife to understand that I'm a super genius here because I'm good in marriage. Right? Right. She's like, Man, you're so annoying, wait to get home.

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But these are just things that I've observed over the years of how people, you know, sometimes analyze things they come into, like I'm interested in, in a sister, this is how she is and so on. I don't know this person, right and be like, they're like this. They're like that.

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Everything fits.

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But they don't pray.

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Like, okay, well, what is the profit? So the longer it goes on them, say, choose them for their Deen over the other thing, the other things are important. The wealth is important. Like we said,

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My wife's annoyed with me. Right? The lineage is important.

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The dm is important. Beauty is important. But out of those four, what's most important

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13 Okay, the next point the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam mentioned is, you know, so you can choose her for her wealth, look for lineage and beauty. So beauty.

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A brother, you know, is interested in a sister, and he says, I'm gonna marry her. I never saw her before. Well, as we'll see shortly, you know, it's encouraged that you see the spouse you're going to get married to? Why would you marry someone you've never seen before? What if you're not attracted to them? Okay, and this happens a lot of the time, a lot of the time. And if people like what do you mean, a lot of the time? Yeah, there's a lot of people who have arranged marriages and they have the pictures that are sent to them that are photoshopped, super photoshopped. And, you know, they didn't like oh, gosh, oh, look at her. She's super awesome. And like, this is what I'm

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marrying. And then they get married and they, you know, come home on that night. They're like,

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one minute, we're going to make a phone call like,

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Mom, dad. This isn't the wife You showed me the pictures.

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Because you know, what happens is on arranged marriages that still happen in some cultures and it's you know, you have to you have

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To understand, there's a reason why the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam mentions that the men, you know, part of what he should look for is beauty. He's attracted to that. And that doesn't mean that women are not attracted to beat to, you know, the, the strength of their, their husband and his beauty and you know, handsome and stuff like that. Of course, that's important about the men choosing a wife right now. And so that's important to look for and to, you know, acknowledge while at the same time, some brothers need to understand you're waiting for Khadija and you think you're Muhammad but you ain't Muhammad and so I need ain't coming. Right. So, like some brothers are

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sitting there going, you know, I'm gonna wait for the supermodel. I'm gonna wait for her. I'm gonna wait for her to wait for you know, I know she's gonna nose is too big ears are too big. You know, she's got big ear lobes. One brother came to me once he's like, She's awesome. But her ear lobes are just too big rage just hangs too much on like, for real?

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Okay, all right, fine, you're entitled to it, you're entitled to it. But I'm just saying like, if everything else is perfectly fine, and you're happy with it, your lobes for real? That's what's bothering you like?

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Too much.

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Right? You know, you have others coming and saying all these weird things. You know, like, Oh, she's amazing. She prays five times a day. She's like this, you know, she has that hamdullah her family's amazing this night. You know, everything's amazing, but

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I want someone that's blonde.

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Okay, fair enough. Fair enough. You want something as blonde? Yes. Okay, so what are your other conditions? He's like, Well, you know, I want her to be able to speak or to do because my family you know, we're Pakistani speaker on like, brother Wait a second. Which blonde Pakistani Do you know?

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Like how many blonde there are there are I know some brothers who are Pakistani Mashallah lots of Article Allah has blessed them with like, you know, newer, divine newer, but this, you know, brothers looking key, I have a long list of things. And one of them is I want someone who's blonde. I'm like, so you found the perfect person, but she's a brunette. Right? She's a brunette. He's like, yes, like, you do know that she could just dye her hair blonde for you every now and then. He's like, I know. I just really wanted to marry a blonde woman. Like, I'm sorry. But unless you find some sister who's gone off to, you know, born from a different, you know, ethnicity and went to

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Pakistan and learn your culture and language and everything and then came back and seriously, brothers think.

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Just pick up your phone and plug in all the details you want. And then a lot prints that woman out for you choose from what is available. And this is why the profits in the long run it was an invention that last part. What's the last part? The last part is that you should look for her religiousness. Right as in how religious is she? Is she fearing of a loss of habitat? Is she conscious of Allah subhana wa tada? Is she loving of us? Apparently. Right? Does she want that love of Allah subhana wa Tada. If she's working towards pleasing Allah subhana wa to add it, you will be pleased with her in the end. In the end, you'll be pleased with her. Okay. So, when you think of the

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deen and remember I said this before, don't go and, and and again, brother sit there and be like, oh, but you know, she's she doesn't do that. I want someone who's a half of that. Okay, now you really narrowed it down. Okay? You want someone who's a half of them. And you want somebody who's like this and you want someone who's like that? If this person is good in their Deen, and you're attracted to her, and her family is on Hamdulillah, right? And, you know, she's she, she's comfortable with your income, and what you're going to provide for her, merrier.

00:29:04 --> 00:29:11

Marry her, and put your full trust in Allah Subhana with Allah and go with it.

00:29:12 --> 00:29:15

Because even the supermodel

00:29:16 --> 00:29:29

or the super poor person, or the awesomely religious sister, you're going to find things in her that you're not happy with. Or you can my wife's gonna be like so you're not happy with

00:29:31 --> 00:29:52

your find things that might bother you that might irritate you, or you might just be like, but you could do this differently. You could do that as in Why don't you do it this way, this is the way I do it. You as human beings, we are all different. So my likes and your likes are different. We might like certain things that we agree on and certain things we disagree on. From the law.

00:29:53 --> 00:30:00

Right. under law. We learn to get along for what for the sake

00:30:00 --> 00:30:00


00:30:01 --> 00:30:02


00:30:04 --> 00:30:09

Um, All right, let me take a sip of water. That was just the first point that had four things in there.

00:30:14 --> 00:30:18

There's a few other things that we could mention, but we're not going to go through every single thing could

00:30:20 --> 00:30:21


00:30:22 --> 00:30:23

be here for a long, long time.

00:30:26 --> 00:31:05

One of the things that Prophet sallallahu wasallam also mentioned to look out for and this is a recommendation, okay? So brothers take these things as recommendations from some of the Prophet sallallahu. And even send them not take it as it has to be this way. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam told us to do this, we have to only do this no prophets, Allah, it was send them married Khadija with the above and her. She was married previously as well. Right? She was married before being married to the Prophet sallallahu wasallam. And she was older than him. So some others out there like, No, she has to be six to eight years younger than me. And she has to be a virgin. And

00:31:05 --> 00:31:13

she has to be like this. And she has to be like that, well, sorry, it's not always going to be the way that you want it to be. If you find someone who's good handling now,

00:31:15 --> 00:31:31

there are recommendations. So you will see in the some things to do with lots of things. Right? It is recommended that you look for this and you look for that, for example, one of the things is, you know that you marry a woman who can have children who can bear children, right?

00:31:32 --> 00:32:18

So the long run narrative that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, marry childbearing and loving women, for I shall boast about your numbers among the nations on the Day of Judgment. So that's a recommendation, right? If there's someone there that you can have children with, and if there isn't enough, right, we don't all have to have 10 children each. Okay. And this is something that a lot of people misunderstand. A lot of people will take this headies be like, oh, we're supposed to have children have children. One or two or three is good, right? You don't have to have eight children with one mother Myskina, right, or 10 or 11 children, or 13 or 16 children from one

00:32:18 --> 00:32:19

if she wants that, and she's fine.

00:32:21 --> 00:32:24

But for a brother to come around and get married and be like, okay, I want to All

00:32:27 --> 00:32:28

right, I want to help.

00:32:29 --> 00:32:33

And the sisters like, you know, I had one and it was hard.

00:32:35 --> 00:32:39

Yeah, and he's like, I don't care. You got 11 more to go. And then you could tell me how hard it was.

00:32:41 --> 00:32:47

It's really hard. It's really hard. So, and

00:32:49 --> 00:33:15

I'm getting myself into trouble. You know that right? When I talk about this topic, my wife, she's like, I see how he is. Right. So, you know, if you marry someone as a recommendation from the Prophet sallallahu, alayhi wa sallam, there are things that are out there. But it is not a must. If there's a sister, for example, who's a little bit older. And oh, man, I'm gonna I'm gonna say this. I didn't think of this before, but it just popped into my head.

00:33:17 --> 00:33:31

There are some brothers who maybe were previously married and divorced or maybe never got married, and they're like, 4045 50 years old. And they're looking to marry a 19 year old or 18 year old sister.

00:33:34 --> 00:34:13

First of all, she wants to be with someone by the time she turned 30, that she's not pushing around in a wheelchair. Okay. So try to find someone roughly around your age, or if you want someone younger than you someone who's roughly around your age as well. Is there something wrong with that? No, there's nothing wrong with it. Right? You can marry someone who's younger. However, remember, think of the society you live in, think of the challenges that you will face, think of the hardships that you will go through if you have children, and then you are 65 years old, and you have a three year old running around your house. How's it you know, it's not easy. It's not that child doesn't

00:34:13 --> 00:34:23

want to turn 10 and their father is 73. You know, they want to be able to still run around and play and have fun. So

00:34:24 --> 00:34:29

keep that in mind. And as well, there may be some sisters out there who

00:34:31 --> 00:34:59

were previous, previous married or not. I remember you know, in case of one sister in Malaysia, a professor, a doctor, PhD, she had two PhDs, professor at a university, very, very wealthy, had personal businesses and stuff like that as well. super wealthy, super successful hamdulillah and I know every time I tell this story, brothers messaged me in the like, you know if I'm interested in helping out that sister

00:35:00 --> 00:35:07

Started you ain't helping out this sister, like 18 year old brothers like, yo, she's super rich and old, Allah marry her. She's gonna, I'm gonna get her wealth. No.

00:35:09 --> 00:35:29

Think of think of pleasing Allah subhana wa tan. And I know some brothers, like I wanna, I wanna marry her for the sake of Allah. You don't know anything about her other than she's got lots of wealth, and she's very successful. And I remember this sister coming to me and telling me after, you know, during one of the seminars, I was teaching in Malaysia, this was a few years ago, she came to me and she's like,

00:35:30 --> 00:35:45

I have two PhDs, I have this degree, I have this status. I'm so and so person. She's got like, even social status is on. And she says, I would give up all my wealth, and all of what I have achieved,

00:35:46 --> 00:35:47

to be able to get married,

00:35:48 --> 00:35:50

and have child.

00:35:55 --> 00:35:55


00:35:56 --> 00:36:29

I would give up all of my wealth, and all of my achievements, to be able to get married, and have a child. And I'm like, so sister, what's the issue? She says, who's gonna marry a 53 year old person now? 53 year old sister who's never been married before? Right? This was a few years ago. She's probably what maybe 57 now 58. And she's like, Who's gonna marry me now? I don't even have time. I'm so busy. You know, and I mold now, you know, to have children now.

00:36:30 --> 00:36:32

Right? It's just from a must.

00:36:33 --> 00:36:47

So she's like, I got all of this done. Yeah. But the one thing I want is a child. And she didn't get right. And because and that's why because she was so busy running after all the things she never got married.

00:36:49 --> 00:37:06

hamdulillah write sometimes there's brothers out there who are looking for someone much younger and has some really, you know, good sisters that are out there that they can marry and might be a little bit older than them, or maybe the same age as them. But you know, we can't be greedy that way. So brothers, chill a little bit. Okay.

00:37:08 --> 00:37:28

There's a lot more wanted to cover but Hello, when I get into this topic, it's just so much stuff. Okay. We'll look at what is good for a woman to look for in a men. And I guess we'll leave it at that and we'll pick up with with the rest of it next week in sha Allah. Okay, so what men is best to marry?

00:37:31 --> 00:37:39

What then is best to marry? Well, I'm a man so it doesn't really matter to me. So you guys figure it out?

00:37:40 --> 00:37:41

Just joking.

00:37:42 --> 00:37:54

What matters best to married based on the sum of hormones? What do we see out there? So the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said if someone whose religion and character

00:37:55 --> 00:37:56

you are pleased with

00:37:57 --> 00:37:58

comes to you,

00:38:00 --> 00:38:01

as in marry your daughter,

00:38:02 --> 00:38:04

then marry her off to him.

00:38:06 --> 00:38:08

Okay, marry her off to him.

00:38:14 --> 00:39:03

So the profits in the long run even sent him here mentioned two things. If someone whose religion and character comes to you seeking marriage of your daughters, so this is basically advice the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam gave to the wedding, right? The Father, or the one of the person, you know the person that is the Guardian, someone with good Dean, good, you know, strength in their religion, and good character. Who you're pleased with comes to you to marry your daughter. Then marry her off to him as in, consider that person doesn't mean that you agree and you marry her off? No. Remember in marriage, your child Your daughter has the final say, your son and your

00:39:03 --> 00:39:11

daughter whoever's getting married. They have the final say, not the father. Okay, this I need to say it 100 million 1000 billion times right.

00:39:14 --> 00:39:28

Google Google Plex or something like that. My wife was on these like it's a large number, right? So it is. The final state is with the two people that are getting married if they agree to this marriage. Okay.

00:39:29 --> 00:39:39

But the advice of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is to look at Deen and good character we'll get in a bit. So if you do not, so.

00:39:42 --> 00:39:59

If you do not do so, the Prophet sallallahu continues and says if you don't marry off your children, your daughters to people who have Dean good character says if you don't do that, there will be commotion on the earth and widespread evil

00:40:00 --> 00:40:13

There'll be commotion on earth and widespread evil. So that goes to show us that we need to encourage people to marry, to keep it healthy and to, you know, come together for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala.

00:40:15 --> 00:40:15


00:40:18 --> 00:40:35

there's nothing wrong with a person offering his daughter or sister to a pious or a good person, okay? Even in our mode, it'll be a long run, narrated that wouldn't have been to amo. Okay, the daughter of Ahmed

00:40:36 --> 00:40:53

was widowed by the death of kinase, he'd been there for a set me. So when the son in law of Bob passed away, he was married to have son, the daughter of Alma

00:40:54 --> 00:40:54


00:40:57 --> 00:41:03

who was also a hobby right when her husband passed away. in Medina, almost

00:41:04 --> 00:41:06

the father, he said,

00:41:08 --> 00:41:09

I came

00:41:10 --> 00:41:11

to earth none

00:41:13 --> 00:41:16

even after fan and offered him have

00:41:18 --> 00:41:20

he said, I will look into it.

00:41:21 --> 00:41:32

So our model of the lover and goes to his friend, or it's not about the lover, and says, You know what, my daughter is widowed, would you consider in marriage?

00:41:33 --> 00:41:47

After some nights, he came to him and said, I decided that I will not get married these days, right? Or if man comes to a bomb and says, You know what, I've decided I'm just not going to be getting married. Okay.

00:41:48 --> 00:41:51

I'm gonna do a lot more unsaid. I then met a backer

00:41:52 --> 00:42:01

and said, if you wish, I will marry you to have some didn't armor. So he offers his daughter to have a bucket of the alohar

00:42:02 --> 00:42:07

of a bucket of the lover and remain silent, did not respond at all.

00:42:10 --> 00:42:16

I'm not at the lower end, he says, I was more upset with him than I was with Earth, man.

00:42:17 --> 00:42:50

Why? Because I will back out of the low and didn't even say anything. At least model the above. I was like, I'll think about it and let you know, a blue book could have the yellow man receives this, you know, marriage proposal from his friend Alma up to marry his daughter. What does he do? He doesn't say anything, so he ignores him. So it makes you feel like but you have an issue with my daughter. What's your problem, you know, makes you feel really like hurts like, there's something wrong. Is there an issue, you know, automatically to our family? Like, what is it? What's wrong? He doesn't say anything. So he says I was more upset with

00:42:52 --> 00:42:54

with a worker than I was with asthma.

00:42:56 --> 00:43:05

After some nights, the Messenger of a loss and along with it, he was sending them proposed to her and I married her off to him. So

00:43:07 --> 00:43:10

the daughter of Ramadan, Nepal, married

00:43:12 --> 00:43:14

the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.

00:43:15 --> 00:43:21

Abu Bakar then met me after the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam married

00:43:23 --> 00:43:36

the daughter of Arma. He says a blue book could have been meant to me and said, perhaps you were upset with me when you offered hafsat to me, and I did not respond at all.

00:43:37 --> 00:44:13

Or almost said yes, indeed. aboubaker are the alohar and then said nothing prevented me from responding to what you offered me. Except that I knew that the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam had mentioned her. I though, was not about to spread the Messenger of Allah sallallahu wasallam secret, as in, he didn't want to reveal that the prophets in a long way, either you or Salaam had the idea of proposing to marry hafsa of the Obama era.

00:44:15 --> 00:44:24

And he then says Abubakar Viola Horton says, if the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam did not marry her, I would have done so.

00:44:25 --> 00:44:52

So what do we see here? We see that the long run is going and asking other people other brothers that he knows. You know, my daughter is looking to get married. Are you interested? Would you consider marrying my daughter? So there's nothing wrong with that people? I don't know why nowadays people feel ashamed like going and asking, oh, my daughter needs to give it. People feel ashamed because they feel it's like they should be proposing to my daughter because my daughter is worthy.

00:44:53 --> 00:44:58

And they need to be worthy of marrying my daughter. So if they can come and ask. I'm not going to marry my daughter.

00:45:00 --> 00:45:18

Little deal Oh angles LTS man, my daughter's you know, she's looking to get married. Are you interested? I think about it comes a few days later. I'm just not ready to get married right now. Okay, fine. He goes to Albuquerque alone. My daughter is you know, looking to get married. I offer her to you and marriage

00:45:19 --> 00:45:28

doesn't say anything because he knew that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. You don't have it in his mind that, you know, maybe I'll do well and

00:45:30 --> 00:45:54

then the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam proposes and earthmen. Sorry, out of the 11 accepts that and marries his daughter off. Of course she accepts it. Right? She has to be the one that accepts and which one which one of the females to have yet would not want to marry the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, right? So it was an honor to be married to the prophets in the long run. And he was some?

00:45:55 --> 00:46:28

And of course, yeah, my wife is saying, who's better out of all these men than the profits in the long run in the summer? Of course, the profits in the long run even send them right. So she got married to the one who's better and last winter Allah, you know, plan that and that was the plan of a loss of habitat. So sometimes we get rejected in marriage. Right? Sometimes we get rejected, and we feel Oh, man, I keep getting rejected, keep getting rejected. proposal, no proposal, no proposal, no. And then bam, perfect match. Like we said no to all the other people, right? Because if we didn't,

00:46:29 --> 00:46:38

we'd be like, why did I marry this person? Okay, so, there's hikma wisdom and everything that happens and everything that goes on, okay?

00:46:41 --> 00:47:21

So the two things that we look for, that a woman should look for in a men, and I'll elaborate a little bit more is Dean. Of course we know Dean, we know why look at the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam look at the people that are most of the above and went to went to Earth man, I mean, I forget who the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, even the angels are shy in front of him. Right? So he had a good connection with Allah subhana wa tada in his Deen. He was a really wealthy person as well. Right? He was extremely, extremely wealthy, Horace Mann of the alumni until today, there are multi millions of dollars already a lot in his name in bank accounts and in investments in

00:47:21 --> 00:47:34

Oh, cough, right? If you look at a bucket of yellow and an amazing person, right, absolutely amazing person. luck, Dean was one of my favorite, favorite favorite from

00:47:37 --> 00:47:57

a worker of the alarm. Okay. And that's not why he's amazing, but I just find that he's amazing. Right? And then who else? What's on a long way? USM. is Dean is it there? Yes. His character when we think of character Remember, you know, a lot of the time brothers or Fathers will look at.

00:47:58 --> 00:48:33

Yeah, this brother prays. Yes. This brother fast during Ramadan? Yes. He's religious. Yes. hamdulillah. You know, he is he an honest person? Yes. He has good character. Yes. No doubt. Is he trustworthy? Yes. Is he respectful? Yes. Does he care about his neighbors? Yes. Does he look after his parents and family? Yes. Is he someone who eats hello and stays away from home? Yes. Is he someone who speaks nicely? Yes. Is he someone who is presentable and honest, and just and truthful and trustworthy? Yes.

00:48:34 --> 00:48:47

Does he have a good job with a house? And two cars, and a fridge? And a stove? And a dishwasher? and expensive watches? and fancy Polish shoes? No.

00:48:49 --> 00:48:49

He doesn't?

00:48:51 --> 00:48:52

Well, then I'm sorry. He can't marry my daughter.

00:48:55 --> 00:48:56

Lots of water come on.

00:48:58 --> 00:49:02

Are we in this world for the wealth? I mean, this world for the hereafter.

00:49:03 --> 00:49:11

And you'll notice that there's two things sisters, like wait a second, why? Why is it that we only have to look for two things and brothers can look for beauty and then look for wealth.

00:49:12 --> 00:49:13

Wait a second.

00:49:15 --> 00:49:22

The amount of cases of people that I deal with in the community here and around the world. And all the travels and stuff like that.

00:49:25 --> 00:49:42

When husband and wife are arguing, it doesn't matter how much money you have. It doesn't matter how big your house is. It doesn't matter how many cars you have doesn't matter how amazing of a job you have in your status in society. It doesn't matter.

00:49:45 --> 00:50:00

If you can't respect your spouse, for the sake of a law, as in when you're having a disagreement or an argument, right, we call it an argument. If you're having an argument or disagreement and for the sake of Allah, you won't just

00:50:00 --> 00:50:04

to humble yourself and just bow out or just be like, you know what?

00:50:05 --> 00:50:06

You're right.

00:50:08 --> 00:50:13

But because it's like, I give you the house and I give you this and I give you that, and I have everything and then

00:50:15 --> 00:50:29

it's like, Okay, good for you. You can't respect my daughter, you know, good for, right? You might have all the wealth on Earth. But the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam shows us that two things.

00:50:32 --> 00:51:13

being conscious law, and good character, if he has good character, when he's upset with with your daughter, he will never hit her. He will never belittle her and insult her, and put her down and swear at her and call her names. He will never punish her by withdrawing his wealth, or withdrawing himself from her and making her go mentally crazy and emotionally crazy and spiritually crazy. He won't do that. Because he's aware of a law and he's accountable to a law. And so because he's accountable to a law, he will have good character in the way that he treats your daughter as well. But money doesn't matter.

00:51:14 --> 00:51:31

The money doesn't matter. The status doesn't matter. cars don't matter. I know people who drive awesome cars, the terrible people, I don't even want to be friends with them. Right? I know people who have amazing homes don't want to bring my children around, there's

00:51:32 --> 00:51:49

I know people who have you know, nothing in life. Nothing literally nothing. You can give them you know, you can you can give them your watch, they will keep it till the day they die because it's the only watch they're ever going to have in their life. Those are the people you want your children around.

00:51:51 --> 00:51:56

Right, those are the people who will respect you and you will find that respect with them.

00:51:58 --> 00:52:17

I think our time is up I've gone on for I think it's been about an hour and I'm pretty sure the Instagram is going to cut off soon. So I'll end before it ends in sha Allah. That's all the time that we have for today. I'll make a note of the fact that we stopped here. And I see see em November

00:52:19 --> 00:52:20


00:52:22 --> 00:52:24

will carry on from here next time inshallah

00:52:25 --> 00:53:01

is located for attending about philosophy comm if you feel that this was beneficial and good for you, or someone else can benefit from it, please do share it. And we asked a lot of panel data to make it easy for every single one of us to enjoy our marriage. For those who are looking to get married. May Allah subhanho wa Taala make it easy for you to get married. Don't be picky. Do not be picky. remember Allah subhana wa, tada will change the way you are. If you're looking for someone who's beautiful. Well, eventually, she's going to get wrinkles. And if you're looking, and if you think yourself, oh, look at me. I can't be seen in society walking with someone like that. Well,

00:53:01 --> 00:53:17

eventually, you're not going to look the way you look right now either. We're all going to change rolling to get older, we all have the wrinkles, right? We're all balding, right? We're all we're going through it, we're going through that transition. And remember, we're never going to be the same way that we are right now. And I always say this,

00:53:19 --> 00:53:25

to people never look better than they look on the day to get married.

00:53:26 --> 00:53:27

After that, it's all dead.

00:53:31 --> 00:53:34

It's just a joke. Okay? Well, when you think of it, it actually is a little bit true.

00:53:35 --> 00:53:53

Like some people will mature and they'll become better and nicer and better, and so on. That's fine. Like we all wrote, we go up that hill, you know, in gender age that will be is probably older than what most? Well, I don't know, some of you guys miskeen getting married, like in your 30s and I got married.

00:53:55 --> 00:53:59

You know, my wife and I we got married. I was 21 years old.

00:54:00 --> 00:54:43

And marriage, you know, now after being married for over 18 years, realize I should have gotten married at the age of 18. And I realized that within like the first month, that marriage is so amazing. You just submit to Allah subhanho wa Taala and do what's right, you realize that you wasted so much time before getting married. So I encourage people if you're 18 years old, you're still trying to figure things out in life. That's okay. If you're looking to get married fine. You know, I and please don't like overload me with like talking to your parents and stuff. Now if you're especially if you're 35 years old, talk to your parents yourself. Okay, tell him Look, I need to get

00:54:43 --> 00:54:56

married like me skin. I'm sweating every single day when I go out. I need to get married, right? Better comes in somehow. You know, one of the brothers came in, he's like, I don't understand. I want to get married every single time I talk about marriage to my parents. They tell me you don't own a house yet.

00:54:57 --> 00:55:00

He's like every single time I go out. I see people on the

00:55:00 --> 00:55:13

Like I can't control myself, right? He needs to get married. His parents will let them get married until he has a house. Why? He's like, why do we need a house his parents say, who's gonna want to marry their daughter to someone who doesn't own a house?

00:55:15 --> 00:55:16

I don't own a house.

00:55:17 --> 00:55:31

I'm married. I'm not saying do what I do. But you don't need a house to be happy in life. I've been married for 18 years no house and I don't have any plans to buy a house either. You don't need a house to be married.

00:55:32 --> 00:55:41

We need a lots of data now must happen. Bless every single one of you. And grant you the best of this life in the year after medical Alfie Kohn.

00:55:44 --> 00:55:48

And I have an interesting time going home today, Molly's gonna be like, oh, what about this? What about that? What about this?

00:55:50 --> 00:56:01

We'll speak to y'all soon. inshallah. We'll see you next week at eight o'clock pm Sunday night. desikan. Located in Central America, Vina Mohammed while you're assigned to sell in Santa Monica to lay over cattle.

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