Channel: Daood Butt
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My brothers and sisters said Mr. They come with a walkthrough of our castle. I hope that you're all doing well, inshallah Tada.
It is Friday, no, sorry, it is Sunday, December 28 2020. And we continue with our
chapter of marriage. And today in short, a lot of data, we're going to be looking at the rights of the wife.
Right? The wife, the, Oh, I forgot to press on. There we go. I was wondering why that one was not on. forgot to press connect on there, I guess, I guess there's a reason for that, right. So we're going to be looking at the rights of the spouses, and focusing today on the rights of the wife in particular shot a lot.
We'll give it a minute, you know, I'll just stall a little bit to get give people some time to get on and shut a lot of Tyler.
I also want to ask for your permission to step away for about 20 seconds, because the brothers were holding the door open and the cold air was coming in. And the thermostat is outside my office. And I'm like, roasting in here. So I need to just turn the heating off. So just give me a few seconds.
All righty, then. Okay. So tonight, we're going to be looking at
the rights that the spouses have upon each other. And of course, due to time, we won't be able to go through all of them. So we're going to focus solely tonight on the rights that the wife has over the husband. Okay, so what are her rights? What is she entitled to? What is she supposed to receive? What is she supposed to?
Yeah, basically received from from the husband, you know, what kind of treatment to what kind of respect and so on and so forth. Now, before I, you know, jump into it, I want to remind everyone that, you know, these are general guidelines that our Dean proposes and puts forward, but we also have to keep in mind that there are a lot more, a lot more, you know, things that we can discuss and talk about. And while at the same time, there's not only a lot more that we can talk about, there's also specific cases, every single person is going through something specific. And so each person has their own challenges. Each person has their own their own hardships, each person will be
experiencing something different than the other. And so therefore, when we look at that we kind of, you know, might touch upon the topic, and someone says, Well, you didn't really get into this, and you didn't really get into that, or, you know, what about this? And what about that? And there's always going to be what about this? And what about that, right, there's always going to be extra stuff. But the point there is that we take a general guideline, and these are general, you know, things that we need to look out for, and try and do ourselves within the marriage. But then what we need to do is build upon it, and we need to build upon what we already are learning.
So first off, you know, the family is the first building block of society. So we need to make sure that our homes are, you know, correct and good and, you know, operating in a way that, you know, helps
everyone in the family, for when they go out into society, they want to have peace of mind. They want to know that the home is being taken care of, they want to know that, you know, things at home are okay as well when they return to home. You know, they want to feel at ease home is the place you're supposed to feel your comfort home is the place you're supposed to feel, you know, connected to the people that are there home is the place that you shine, and home is the place that that you feel that you know, serenity and tranquility and Sakina within, you know your life.
If a person is going home, and they hate going home,
or a person hates returning back to their parents home, and we're talking about marriage, so let's not make it think about children. Let's talk about you know, the spouse, the husband and wife, you know, if they're not comfortable going back to their home, then there's a problem, right then then there's a serious problem there. And so, a lot of had only to add it to begin with, you know, he reminds us
of a verse that usually is misquoted or taken out of context. Sort of to Nisa, Allah subhana wa tada says, Amelia Luke on one nice
For Swami, to Banita to have a lot of AB Bhima happy though
I must have had without is reminding us here
that men are the protectors of women. Right? The husband is the protector of the wife. And he has more responsibility than her. Right? He has more responsibility and he has to make sure that he maintains her and so on and so forth. And we'll go through, you know, the the various things in detail and Chuck love to have it. So you can look through that verse on your own verse number 34 of Surah An Nisa, Islam has also given each spouse rights upon their, their their partner, right? So when we talk about the wife having rights, the husband also has rights. Right. And we're not going to talk about that today, though. We'll talk about that next time today we'll focus solely on the
wife what her rights are. So the rights of the woman upon the husband awesome Halloween, Diana says, Well, I mean, he an honor, honor in
forsaken gelita school.
II, why grna netcom.
Allah Subhana Allah says, among His Signs is this woman at and clinical acumen and physical as well that he created for you wives from amongst yourselves,
that you may find tranquility in them. And he has put between you affection and mercy, My what? And, and you know, a lot of people try and explain or translate these words, you know, a lot of the time you will see that these words are, you know, used very lightly and sometimes used very heavily, you know, to try and explain the love that my word that would that is between husband and wife,
regardless of loss of Henry Tanner showing us that he created for us spouses so that we find tranquility within them. Right. So, it should not be the case that you come home, and you hate being there, or you hate to even come home right now, Allah subhanaw taala also says, Whatever me through led the RNA.
And they, as in the women, right? Women have rights similar to those of their husbands. So they have rights over them, according to what is customary and good.
Right? Well, one myth led era in bill Madoff, a loss of handling tax tada says that, you know, each one of the spouses has rights. And the wife has rights that are similar whenever not missing a levy Allah when the rights are similar. Been in my roof. So now we have to look at culture, we have to look at customs, right, we have to look at what is good and what is right. So we want to make sure that we're providing what's right, we want to make sure that we're doing what's right, we want to make sure that it's good and wholesome. But we also have this standard that we're going to try and match or try and live within, right. It's like a bracket and each country, each place, each nation
each, you could say pretty much different places on earth, but also different cities will have different sort of customs. For example, here in the GTA buying a house, owning a house, providing a house is like super difficult, right? Whereas when you look at some people in other places, like I've traveled to countries where, you know, some people have multiple wives, and again, disclaimer, we spoke about this before that it is not legal in Canada to be married to more than one spouse, right.
But you'll see that in some countries, some people will have multiple homes for their families, they're able to provide that and they earn much less than we do. They earn far less than we do a fraction of what we earn. But things are cheaper, land is cheaper. And when you own it, you own it, there's no taxes, you're not constantly paying taxes on it. And so what a husband needs to provide for his spouse will differ or vary from place to place to place, even within Canada if you just take cannabis and example. You look at one city within Canada, you take Toronto, for example, average house in Toronto right now is valued at approximately, I don't know about 1.2 $1.2 million, probably
somewhere around that.
You go to Cambridge, maybe a little bit less maybe 900,000 800,000 right average home, probably even less than that.
Maybe 600,000, you go a little bit, you know further than that, and you'll find that house prices are even lower, right? You go to Windsor, it'll be different, you go to Montreal, it'll be different. You go out to the east coast who buy a beautiful house with lots of land, huge property, you know, $200,000 $250,000, you're enjoying yourself, you go to another place, right? So how to love where, you know, go to Vancouver, and you'll find you're trying to buy a condo for you know, $1 million. Okay, so things vary. And what you provide for your spouse can vary. In some areas, most people might be commuters, so they need a vehicle. In other places, they're not they work from home,
right? In some places, you'll find that some people will need to wear designer clothes, and look, you know, all fashion designed, and, you know, up to date, and so on and so forth. Whereas you go to other places, and I won't say where, and everyone's just dressed like really bummy, right, just like jogging pants that are ripped in a T shirt, and they don't really care like and you know what's going on? Right? They don't really care. So this is a different lifestyle, and different culture and different sort of standards for every single place that you might travel to.
Therefore, Allah subhana wa tada is showing us that between husband and wife, there are rights that are fairly similar that each one needs to match and give to each other. Okay, but then you also are going to look at the customs within that lend, okay, the customs that are common for the people over there, you know, some some countries who go to women don't even drive and so well, I think that's no longer the case. Right? They do drive in Saudi Arabia now. But back in the day, women didn't drive so people like oh, have the lead only to buy my wife a car. Mm hmm. You need to buy her a car and have a driver on hand whenever she needs on demand. Right. And so so Pamela, you know, there's
there's a lot of things that you need to provide, every place is different.
this, I have a plan has gathered together wealth, that would take great journeys to a mass no doubt, right. And it is a general principle that states that women are equal to,
or the rights of women are equal to the rights of men, to an extent, okay, to an extent, except for one matter what is this matter that Allah Subhana Allah has mentioned
in verse number 228 of sawed off to a bacara what it while it rejects any ima
was paired with an SS, one in the journey on a
dacha, some people will translate this and say, Well, if the gel, Allah him the devil, men, they're better than them, or really what Allah Subhana Allah is saying here is that men have a degree of responsibility over women, they have more responsibility towards their wife. So the husband has more to give, and is expected to give more to his wife because he's the one who has to provide and look after. So there are rights between them. Like you have to respect me, I'm going to respect you, you have to do this. I'm going to do that. And and here, let's take a beautiful example.
One of the examples is that of even our best about the logline, Houma, who said, I beautified myself for my wife, as she beautifies herself for me. So he beautifies himself for his wife.
And she in return beautifies herself for him. And in fact, he's doing it for her because she does it for him, right? I beautified myself for her as she does for me, right? So it's something mutual that goes back and forth. So we need to make sure that we look after each other in that way. Now, when we look through and we haven't even begun yet By the way, we haven't even started to go through the rights of the wife upon the husband, okay, so bear with me, we're getting to that inshallah Today's the juicy one, you got to actually message all your friends and let them know tonight you got to be on Hurry up, get on, we didn't start yet. So hurry up.
You know, when we look at the rights of the husband and the wife,
really what we're looking at is what Allah Subhana Medina has taught us to make sure that we protect ourselves in this society that we're living.
So we want to make sure that we are going to protect ourselves in a way that harm is not going to penetrate the walls of our homes.
Okay, evil is not going to penetrate the walls of our homes. And this this, the sanctity of what happens within the home will be respected outside of those walls by both parties. Okay, so these rules are really put in place as something divine from Allah subhanho wa Taala
To our Creator, to teach us the best way that we need to be, in order to live on this earth, and to accomplish the best that we can, in terms of having a peaceful home, and having, you know, tranquility in our houses, and tranquility, between the spouses, and, you know, tranquility between the parents and the children, and happiness and joy and a fun place to go to every single day when we leave from work and go back home, or we leave from school and come back home, and so on and so forth.
Now, I know and I'm probably I was gonna say, I'm guessing, but I don't guess at this, I know that many of us are probably having a lot more issues now due to COVID
And dealing with our family members, right, because we're always at home, we're stuck at home, we're not really socializing as much as well. So we're not meeting people, we're not talking to people, we're not able to go out, we're not able to have people over, we're not able to, you know, freely go and do things as we used to. So it's taking a toll that is very hard. It's actually really, really difficult for a lot of people. And that's understandable. But we still need to try and make sure that we work with our household, to provide the best for them, and to receive the best from them as well.
The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam also said, Truly you have rights upon your wives and your wives have rights upon you. So it's mutual. Each party will say it's my right. It's my right. Yes, it's your right. I have rights. Yes, you have rights, but they have rights as well. So for someone to say, you know, they always insult me.
And then the moment that that person insults him back, honestly, like, oh, why are you saying that? Why are you doing this? Well, you always do it to them. And now when they do it to you, like, you know, they have rights as well. So we'll look at that and shut up. Okay.
Let's look at the first thing. Okay, the first, let me just double check. I think there were nine or 10 things that we'll cover today. So there's, there's nine, the 10th one, I don't know if you guys really want to know about it. Let me know if you want to know the 10th one, if you do, I'll let you know if you don't no big deal. We'll look at nine for sure the 10th one will be a bonus if you guys really want you let me know. So the first of the rights of the of the of the wife upon the husband is
that the men must treat his wife in a good and proper manner, okay, that the men must treat his wife in a good and proper manner. Okay, that's the very first thing, the very first thing that we look at the very first thing that we learn is that the wife is going to be treated properly, respectfully by her husband, Allah Subhana. Allah says verse number 19, of salt and Lisa was, as you all know, being an American,
Allah Subhana, Allah says something so short, sweet and powerful, and live with them honorably? What Allah Sheetal, wouldn't it be tomorrow, live with them honorably, like, don't take away their rights, don't disrespect them, don't disgrace them. And this is done by providing a number of things for the spouse, first of all, providing food for them, every human being needs to eat, every human being needs to eat. So providing food for them, when you take your food when you eat your food, and providing clothing for them when you get clothing for yourself. Right? So there has to be that standard there. It's not like Oh, the husband's like, well, I work I give you $500 every month, and
I'm going to spend $2,000 on myself.
Okay, it's your wealth. But remember, when she sees you spending all of that on her on you, and only a little amount on her, it's kind of makes her feel like you don't really care for her and you're not really following through with what Allah Subhana Allah has stipulated for you to do in terms of your responsibility and looking after her. And remember, we're going to in all these examples, you know, you need to keep in your mind, well, what is the norm in the society that we live in? You know, what is what is the culture? You know, you can't just bring someone or get married to someone and say, oh, in my culture,
you know, we don't eat.
Sorry, in my culture, we don't wear designer clothing. Okay, so you're both living in Canada. And right now you tell your wife you say in my culture, we don't wear designer clothing. So wait a second, what's your culture and you say oh back home.
Okay, so back home. So what do you wear, we wear tailored clothing. tailored clothing is even better than designer you know, and somehow I I never understood this like, people will spend lots of money on brand names but something that's tailor made for you is made specifically for you. It's unique to you. No one else can wear it and if someone tries to wear it doesn't fit them.
Doesn't fit them like a glove, right? And so something that's tailor made is is made for you. So people say it's, you know, in our culture, we know but wait a second you live in Canada, your culture is not to wear name brands. And when a candidate wears name brand stuff, I'm not saying everything has to be name brand, right? But don't turn around and treat your wife. So the brothers pay attention, don't treat your wife with like the cheapest and the worst of things that are out there. And then when it comes to you, you spend like lots of time buying the quality things and spending quality, you know, spending money on quality, what you consider to be quality things, let's
just say very expensive items. But you're so cheap on your spouse, but very expensive on yourself. That's not what's right. Okay, that's not right. Or, you know, your wife is always eating at home, and you're out, you know, fine dining and picking up, you know, food and doing these things. That's not that's not the way it is islamically. So when you rest, she rests when you eat, she eats when you sit, she sits when you travel, she travels, right?
So looking after her in that sense, I'll give you an example. I remember, Panama A few years ago,
I used to do a lot of conferences, and sometimes my family would come with me to conferences, and there's always you know, a speaker, there's almost always a speaker's room or speakers lounge, right? Where if you're a speaker, at the conference, you have this special like VIP room that you go into, and there's always you know, a table filled with food and there's snacks and you know, water and juice and coffee and tea and you know, chocolates and cookies and you know, space for you to sit down and sofa for you to rest on and gather your thoughts and prepare for your lecture and stuff like that, you know, these are things that is like the backstage room, right, where, you know, a VIP
lounge kind of thing where you get to sit in and, and basically gather yourself, get ready or relax away from the crowd away from people bothering you, you have a few minutes to yourself kind of thing. And I always used to bring my wife and kids in there. Even though you know, most of the time at the majority of conferences, the speakers are, for the most part male, all right, usually men, male speakers, emails from around the world and Michelle and stuff like that.
But my wife and and our daughter, or even when we had two children afterwards, you know, they'd always come into it. And I remember my wife and I talked about this once and she was like, you know, you're supposed to provide for me the same things that that you provide for yourself. And like, I'm not providing it for myself. They're giving it to me. And she's like, Yeah, but if you get it, and I should get it, too, I'm like, you're absolutely right. So I remember bringing her into, you know, one of one of the lounges, one, so you know, at a conference and the room was actually really small. It was really, really small. And when you have kids, where you have you know, the stroller and you
bring the stroller in there's like, Oh my God, we can't move around. And then when a sister comes in, all the men are like, there's, there's a woman in here, you know, we can't move can't do anything. All right, guys, change the topic, you know, everything like changes. But I remember and I like this, you know about my wife is that, you know, she tries to make sure that she will be respectful to others, and tries to make others feel comfortable as well. And it's good for, you know, our families to get to know each other in a way that's helpful. That's permitted statically.
And so my wife would come in, she'd grab her food, she'd sit down with the with the kids and stuff like that. And then some of the other speakers would noticed that, hey, you know, what his wife is in here? Why don't you come in here too. So they would call their wives and, or their wife in as well and sit down, you know, together and talk and get to know one another and so on. And so it's important for us to know that you know, when when we're getting something, when we are being treated a certain way we should treat our family in a similar fashion or men or as well, okay, so that's part of our Deen the prophets on Long Island. He was someone was asked
the believers sorry. He wasn't asked. He said the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said,
the believers with the most complete faith are the ones with the best behavior. And the best of you is the one who treats who treats his wives with the best manners. So
the believers are the ones sorry, the believers with the most complete faith, right? We have to make sure that we do this in order to have a good strong, complete faith. This is part of our belief, basically what the prophet sallallaahu Selim is saying the believers have the most complete faith are the ones with the best behavior. Okay.
And the best of you is the one who treats his wives with the best manners. So we have to make sure that we're treating our spouse with the best manners talk to her nicely Don't get angry all the time. Look, we're human beings we you know, sometimes lose it lose our cool and so on, but we need to make sure that we
are going to look after our spouse in the best most possible manner with the best manners as well. Honoring the wife is an indication of a full wholesome personality. Okay, a full, wholesome personality dishonouring her is a sign of one's cheapness and debased personality, right? So really, when you think of it, you know, you're honoring your wife, that is showing your strength that's showing who you are, that you are someone who's not shying to treat your wife this way. And culture usually works in the opposite way. In some cultures, right? In some cultures, it's like, Don't listen to your wife, right? I even right, people would be like, your wife said this, and you're
telling us Come on. No, no, no, we'll get to that in Sharla. Right. So dishonouring her is a sign of a person's cheapness and D base personality, that you know what? You're talking about your wife this way? Why did you marry her? Then? Why do you have children together? Why don't you go home to her? Right? If you're speaking about her in such a bad terrible way outside? Never ever. And you know what, you learn things over the years. Never ever joke about you know, your wife or you know, tell tell people things about her and make fun about her behind her back. Never ever do that. Why? Because first of all, islamically we're not allowed to not because she's our wife, but because it's
backbiting. We're not allowed to do that. Right? And then yes, secondly, she is our wife and we are supposed to protect each other's honor. We have to do that. Thirdly, she's a believer in the loss of handling data. Again, we have to protect the honor of the other person. The Prophet sallallahu Sallam said in his final sermon, right in the alpha that we have to do this got to protect the honor of the other person. Right.
The Prophet son along with it, he was someone who was very kind without a shot of the lover and how and he even used to race with her. Okay, used to race with her, they go outside and race. I shout out the love that. She herself says.
The Messenger of a loss of a long I think he was send them raced with me. And I beat him.
Like, she won the race not beaten, right? Anytime we're talking about marriage, people for some reason, there's certain words that stick in their mind. I beat stone, oh, no rocks. She won the race. Okay, so I shall be alone. She says the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam raised with me running. And I beat him. She won.
And she says after I had put on some weight at a later point in time, which means he used to do this quite frequently over the years. And she says after I put on some weight at a later point in time, we raised again, and he beat me.
Right? He wanted this time.
And he said to her son, Allahu alayhi wa sallam, this is payback for that time, right as in this was for that one. This was for that time, that time that you beat me, caught us. Now I beat you right? So I got you back on that. So somehow Allah you know, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam would have fun with his spouses, and teach us the importance of doing that. In fact, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam considered amusements, listen to this, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, when you look at his life, and you think of the way he wasn't the type of person that he was some longer and he was alum. He used to consider amusements, things that you just do for fun to be
worthless, as in it's a waste of time. He was he was focused, he he would do things right. He was a Dewar, he was busy. And remember, he became a prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam at the age of 40. Right? So at the age of 40.
And I just turned 40, last week, right? You know, at the age of 40, you think to yourself, okay, now, you have this huge responsibility, right?
But you're not so young anymore. You're not youthful. You're also not too old. Right? You're like right in between, you still have the energy, you're still able to do things. You're feeling aches and pains. Yeah, you're you starting to slow down, you notice that with yourself, but you're still there, right? So the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, when he becomes a prophet, you know, he was not someone that would waste his time on useless things. So he considered amusements to be something that was, like worthless, except things that were done with one spouse.
For example, the prophets in a long line he was seldom said everything by which humans amuse themselves with is worthless, except for three things. So all things that you do just for amusement, it's just done for amusement. Right? It's it's not that it's not permissible. It's just you're doing it and how long you do it you do it for fun, you do it to you know, to relax a kickback or whatever, but it's basically it's, you know, there's there's no benefit to society. Maybe there's no benefit to it, you know, playing games.
And what do you get from it? For example? So he says some along I think it was some except for three things.
Okay. Training one's horse
and sporting with one's wife. A lot of a commotion.
Right? Practicing archery. Why? Because it's a skill. And it's not a skill, people thinking negative right away. They're thinking like battles and wars and fighting, no, relax, relax, talk about human beings here. Right? Human beings are not focusing on harming and hurting other people. We love human beings. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was sent as mercy. When you're practicing the bow and arrow, you're using a lot of skill, you're using math, angles, strength, positioning posture, right? You're calculating distances, there's so much it's going on. So it's a skill. It's something you do for fun. You're just like, yeah, let's have fun and do it. But you're gaining so much through
it as well. And it's beneficial for you when you need remember these to hunt animals to eat. Right? So sometimes they would go and hunt out do you hunt, you need to be able to you need to be skilled.
Training one's horse. The second thing you mentioned is training one source being being able to to maneuver, right, and now of course, we don't really ride horses. Some people do even go horseback riding. But really what we're looking at here is being an awesome race car driver. Because I love cars. Right? So the prophets all along, it has something to showing us. It's, you're not losing something on this, you're gaining, you're gaining a skill, you're gaining ability, you're gaining strength, you're gaining stamina, you're you're gaining, you know,
so much through what you do in these three things.
And the third thing, he says some A lot of it goes on them in terms of you know, amusement
is sporting with one's wife, right sporting with one's wife, like,
go out and play hockey with your wife, go out and play soccer with your wife, right? Go out and play basketball with your wife go out and, you know, chill and play frisbee and, you know, do things analyze. I don't think my wife logged on today. I don't I didn't see her login. Maybe I didn't pay attention to it. But nonetheless, she's, she's on and that's working in my favor, right? Because, you know, a lot of the times she says you're boring, you don't do anything, right, you're getting too old.
So go out there and do something with your wife, have fun, chill, chill with each other in the ways that you like. So basically, the time that you spend, having fun with your spouse is not a lost time. It's not wasted. It's good. It's beneficial. Do it, do it. Okay, have fun together, do fun things together, okay, let's move to the second of the rights of the wife upon the husband. It is the right of the wife upon the husband, that he'd be patient with any harm she does, and to overlook any of her mistakes. So if she does something wrong, you know, she makes a mistake. It's her rights for the husband to overlook it and not to constantly pointed out and constantly pick it, pick at it,
and so on and so forth, or bring it up again. The prophets along I know some of us said, believing men should never hate to believe in woman. If he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another one of her characteristics. So the prophets all along I didn't know some of them is telling the believing men, Hey, you know what you might get upset with your spouse. colosse. Like, just get over it, that you're upset with one thing, there's other things that you like about her, look at the positive things focus on the goodness, right? And let go of the things that, you know, irritate you or, you know, she says something, she does something, she goes somewhere in a
way, you know, it's just having the law right, what the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says is good,
and and sufficient for us.
One of the pious predecessors said, you should realize that behaving properly towards one's wife does not simply mean not harming her.
In fact, it means bearing her harm and being patient with her harshness and anger at times of anger when she does get upset, right? How many times have a husband do something that frustrates and upsets his spouse all the time? That's us, that's who we are. Right? We do that. We we it's just that's how we are we're we're different, right? We're different in terms of interest are different in terms of personality and stuff like that every single human being, every single human being so loss of handling, sorry.
Let me continue saying this and then we'll get into something else. So he says
In fact, it means bearing her harm and being patient with her harshness and anger, or her rashness and anger,
in emulation of the messenger of a loss of a longer ambiguous son, for his wives would sometimes speak back to him, or avoid him from day until nightfall. So there were times that the prophet SAW alone there, I think there's something he himself, right. And we know, we know examples. I showed the Aloha and, you know, was vocal at times, even hitting that dish out of the hand of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. There were times that the wives of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam would speak to him in a way that, you know, it's like, well, how dare you say that to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, but for them, it's like, He's my husband. I know him. Right? I
know his ways. And so how can we think of it that way? We're like, Yeah, but how could he ever be that way? It's just because we're human beings. We're human beings. Right? We get irritated with each other. Sometimes we don't have. It's not a good day. Haha, smile on a good day, no big deal. Right? So if the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was patient, when he was being spoken to, in a way, that was not nice, shouldn't we?
It's just so simple, really. It's easier said than done. No doubt.
One of the brothers saying, I tell my wife, my purpose of life is to keep quiet when you get mad and clean up after you, especially the kitchen.
I don't know how well that works for you. But May Allah subhanho wa Taala bless you in your marriage. I mean, all right. The third
write that a wife has over her husband is
that he protects her and guards her from anything that may damage her reputation and honor that he protects her, he guards her protects her from anything that may damage her honor, her reputation, you know, amongst her friends family,
he must provide her with a complete means for her protection, as in looking after, and making sure that she has what she needs in order to be safe, where she goes, the things that she does, and so on and so forth, her well being has to be looked after. So if she needs help, you know, with something, he should provide that for her in whatever capacity that he's able to, he should not permit her to ruin her manners or her religion. So if she's doing something that is dishonouring, Allah subhana wa adad or displeasing to Allah subhanaw taala, he should stop her in it, and advisor, and you know, help her to come away from something that is no good for her to something that is better for her.
Okay, he should not open opportunities for her to disobey the commands on the loss of Allah and His Messenger, or commit evil acts. So sometimes people will do things or bring the bring their spouse to a place where she's forced to do you know, something she doesn't want to do. And I can give examples of this, I can give examples of this where, you know, some brothers will bring their wife they want to go, you know, some brothers work in places that are they work professions, where eventually you end up going places and doing things with your colleagues that are not according to the dean. And so, in order for them to feel like, Okay, my wife is okay with it, they'll bring their
wife there. So for example, you know, you go to a bar, or you go to a club with your colleagues, because hey, I need to seal that business deal, right? And your wife gets upset with you. And you're like, Look, it's nothing Come Come with me and see. And so you bring her there as well. Are you doing that? Like, why are you opening the doors to shove opening the doors to evil for not only yourself, but for your spouse as well. Right? or
asking her to change her religious side of her write her religiousness to be a little more lenient, just be just be more lenient, right. Just be more accepting.
And somehow, I'll give you another example is a sister who was telling me that this was a few years ago, she was telling me that she comes from a very, very religious family, you know, her family brought her up very, like, you know, modest, some kind of law, and, you know, and then would never come into their own, who was not my home for them, and so on and so forth. And then when she got married, you know, one thing after the other started to change in her life, eventually, like, she's no longer wearing hijab, you know, and Salah was never a big deal for her husband. So it became something she was very lazy with. And eventually it was like going out with her husband's friends
because he would go out with his friends and they're, you know, girlfriends or wife or whatever. And he would mix with them and she used to get upset. So he's like, why don't you come as well. And then after some kind of law, they would, you know, she would know she says, I came from a family that was so you know, like, protected. To now. She's like, when I'm when I'm
With my, my husband and his friends, like it's normal for, for her husband's friend to, you know, come and put her hand his hand around her, you know, or to greet and like kiss each other's cheeks and stuff like that. And she's like, I don't know what happened. And they were married for like eight years at that time, when I remember when, you know, they were talking to me about this.
Eight years. So it took eight years to come fish and she's like, I don't know what happened. I'm like, I could tell you what happened, backtrack and see that the change was gradual, but consistent, it was there. And so from the right of the wife, upon the husband, is that he doesn't open the door to allow evil to enter into the lives of both of them, right, he has to protect her safeguard her, her reputation is important. her reputation is important. He has to look after her in that way. Okay.
Allah Subhana Allah says, Only john, welcome. Welcome, Aaron and
men are the protectors and maintainers of women, right? We're the womb of women, you have to look after them. She annoys you at home, it doesn't matter. When you leave the house. You make sure that no one knows she always do at home. Let me say that again. You get annoyed with each other at home when you leave your home. No one knows. Now I'm not saying if someone is being abused, that you never get help. No, that's not what I'm saying. Don't misunderstand. We're talking about general stuff here. Like, you know, someone mentioned something or, you know, she did something and he leaves home and he says, Oh, you know what, she did an interview the other day and he starts to
describe his wife to other people or insult her in front of others. No, you don't do that. What happened to home stays at home, don't bring it out. And you try and resolve your issues by focusing on these things that we're learning in sha Allah. Okay.
prophets all along. It was someone also said, the man is the shepherd of his family. And he will be asked about his,
you know, his family. He has that responsibility of looking after his family, he will be asked about how he looked after his family. Your spouse is not happy with you why your spouse did this. She missed fudges why you're, you know, she, she wasn't learning. It's not learning. And she had all these years where you were able to provide for her. But you didn't do that, why?
You have to look after her, she is your responsibility. Number four.
You know what I'm looking at the time and it's 845. And we've only covered three of the rights of the wife upon the husband so far. And I said that we have nine and possibly 10. So you let me know if you want to continue and finish all 10 today, or do you want to take only five and then stop? I'll let you type that in there and let me know. Just type five or 10, right? Just if you want to stop at five, type five, if you want to stop at 10 type 10 I'll go past nine o'clock if you want to do 10 inshallah, okay? It is the right to the wife upon the husband, this is number four. Okay, number four, it is the right of the wife upon the husband that he teaches her what she needs to know
of her religion, or that he permits her to attend the sessions of learning the classes that take place. So let me say that again. It is the right of the wife upon her husband, right upon the husband, that he teaches her what she needs to know if the dean, okay, he teaches her what she needs to know of the dean.
Or if he's not able to teach her, then he allows her or permits her to go or he provides her the ability to go to certain classes that will benefit her with regards to the dean. She needs to learn Islam, right, it's important. And so, if it's her right to learn Islam, then you should either teacher Islam, or give her the ability to learn Islam from somewhere else. Does that makes sense? So
her need to improve her religion and purify herself, her soul is no less than the need that a husband has, in order to purify his soul as well. And it's no less than her need to eat and drink, right and have a home and transportation. In fact, when we think of it, the dean and our soul is in more of a need to be protected and preserved and strengthened than anything else. So we need our Dean or then we need a home and we need our Dean more than we need food and drink. Right? We need our Dean more than we need transportation. And so it's important for us to remember this that you know, some have a lot when it comes to eating
Education, Islamic education, if the husband can't provide it, then he should provide her a means to seek it. Okay? Both of these types of needs must be offered to her, not only the, you know, physical needs of things that are out there, like food and water and shelter and transportation and so on and so forth clothing, but also needs that will affect her spirituality and strengthen her spirituality.
What does Allah subhanaw taala say? Give me five seconds and I'll let you know
about that awesome camera says, Yeah, I knew Nina. Amen.
Nico, no. wi?
fi john. Allah Subhana data is telling us as men to look after your family. Yeah, you're letting you know, ermine, go and forsaken. Lee come now. All you believe. Word off from yourselves in your family, the fire as in Save yourselves from that fire?
What cool do an excellent job. And the fuel for that fire is? What is it? The fuel for that fire?
is human beings and stones.
Human beings and stones. What does that mean? That means if we're not going to learn our Deen, and we're not going to understand how to preserve and protect ourselves from the harm that's out there, we're not going to understand how to do good things, we're not going to understand how to worship a lot properly, then we run that chance of being the fuel for Jannah.
And none of us want to do that none of us want to be in that position. And so my brothers and sisters, a loss of haddaway dad is showing us here, as husbands, it is the right of the wife that we educate her. And if she is not able to receive education from us, then we provide her a means to that education. And I say this to brothers all the time. You know how many times you come for Juma and you go home and you never share that message with your family. How the love for me, you know, I go for Gemma and my family. Well, in the past when you know, children were able to come to the mustard, they would come with me. And you know, I delivered the football and then afterwards, you
know, my wife does something amazing. It's called jamara jewels, right? It's the lessons that each of the children gathered from the football that they listen to. And it could even just be one thing that each one of them shares. Right. And so
you gather these jewels, these little children who are kind of law, listening to the football and gaining some knowledge through it and putting those jewels together and talking about it and trying to understand Islam, you know, by probing thoughts and having those discussions with them. And may Allah Subhana Allah bless her for that because you know, that takes a lot of time and energy and effort and patience and I honestly don't
don't put in that time sadly but come to learn now with the live streaming you know family still get to benefit as well. And you know, we are possibly there's there's word that tomorrow an announcement may be made of a lockdown happening across the province which means our mustard will probably we'll see waiting until what they say right waiting for the guidelines to be you know, put out there for us. But if if the massage would need to close again and we know that NPO in Toronto and York and you know other regions that are in lockdown to massage it have closed that's why we live stream we continue to live stream since March we've been live streaming because massagin have you know not
been able to accommodate for all the people that want to come. Even though we're open for john, I still live stream every single week because there are lots of people want to come but can't register and are not able to come for Jamal so they're praying.
Right? So benefit your family with the knowledge you have. And if you don't have the ability to do that, well then provide a means for it. Okay.
Number five. Number five of the rights that a spouse has.
The wife has over her husband is that the husband encourages her to abide by the religion of Allah subhanho wa Taala and to regularly performed Salah. So it's his responsibility to encourage her. If he sees that she's busy with something else. Let's say she's like, Yeah, but I'm cooking, you know here or I'm cleaning and you're telling me stop and pray no going maybe take the vacuum away and say okay, it's time for
You go all vacuo right? Are all do the dishes you go and pray, right stuff like that. So, you know we need to be thinking of how to help one another how to share those responsibilities. You know, the husband has to try and, and upkeep the deen within his home. You know a wife should never say I got married and I lost my EMA prophets all along it was someone who says that the Nika the marriage is a completion of half of our Deen. It's half of your deen. Why? Because you're now working together to earn Jenna, right? So you're working together towards goodness and not working against each other or bringing each other down? Allah subhana wa tada says in Surah verse number 132.
What more localbest sana it was forbidden RNA. Allah subhanaw taala says and enjoying the prayer on your family. This is the evidence that's there to show that a husband has to do this right? Enjoy encourage prayer Salah upon your family, and be patient in offering them, right Be patient in the way that you encourage them to do it. Right. And we see so many examples of Prophet sallallahu wasallam shows us if our spouse is not getting up, what are you supposed to do? If someone's not getting up? How do you you know, you tell them nicely you wake them up, you tap them and so on. Even could take water and sprinkle. sprinkle it on them right not dump it on their face. But you take
some of your hand and you sprinkle it or you know, your your hand is deaf and you just wipe it on their face. And they hate it. Yes, they hate it. But we would hate being thrown in genda. Right, we would hate that. And we would prefer that if we were standing there and we had a choice between being thrown in jahannam for missing prayer, or someone's wet hand being wiped on our face every morning, we would take the wet hand being wiped on our face every single morning over being thrown in Jannah guaranteed, right? None of us would choose jahannam unless there's something wrong up here. Right as in we're not thinking straight. Right or we don't understand a lot some kind of way
data's you know, creation of paradise. And hell.
Number six, number six, okay, and I think we'll go
We'll push let's push a little further case, not nine o'clock yet. So let's push a little further inshallah. Okay, number six, it is also a write of the wife upon the husband that he permit her to leave the house, whenever there is a need to do so such as attending the congregational prayers in the masjid, or to go into visit family members or relatives or neighbors and so on. And the reason I say this, and the reason why Islam allows it is because some husbands will be a little bit too harsh. Like, no, you can't go anywhere. It's our culture to not let you go out. No, it's not. Well, maybe it is yours. But that's not what we do. Okay, and so sorry,
decline this call, someone's calling me.
So it's the right of the wife to be able to go she needs to go somewhere to do something. It's her right. Now, she shouldn't just be like, I'm not telling you where I'm going. Leave me alone. It's my business. It's none of your business, though. There has to be that communication. A wife would not like her husband to never, ever tell her where he is. Right? She would not enjoy the fact that oh, I don't know where he is. I don't know what he does. I don't know where he goes. I don't know who he talks to. Right. And then on the flip side to say, well, because he does that I'm going to do this. No.
He should communicate with her and she should communicate with him. Okay.
So, if she wants to go to the masjid, for example, she says I want to go to the masjid and pray. Okay, how's Bismillah? Go? No, go to the masjid. I want to go visit my family. All right. But no, there has to be remembered. There's there's limits my brothers and sisters? Like I know some brothers who say yeah, but she wants to go visit her family every single day. Like every single day, we have to go visit her family. Why do we have to go every single day? Why do we even get married that if we're going to be going over to our parents place every single day? Right? So there's limits and there needs to be communication with each other. Number seven, and number seven, it is a rite of
a wife upon the husband, that he not spread about her private matters, and that he not mentioned any of her mistakes or shortcomings for example, as he is like a private secretary to her
who is meant to protect and defend her right and herself and her personality. Right and we touched upon this briefly before. So he's not to spread anything about her, what you know of your wife, you keep it and now
I'm going to focus a little bit more on family. There are some brothers, especially those were Mama's boys, right were very, very close to their mothers. And in some cultures, it's like mama boy times 100, right? mama's boy, non stop.
There are some husbands who will go and tell their mom, everything about their wife,
your wife is not equal to your mom, your wife is to be protected even from your mom. Okay, she's to be protected from your family and relatives. You're not supposed to go and spread details of her personal life and what she does and how she is to them. In fact, you're supposed to make her look good to your family, so that they can see her in her eyes. She is sorry, in their eyes, she'll be seen as you know, they'll see her as as like 100 a lot, the most ideal spouse that we gave to our family, to our child, right to our baby, or boy, or our son, right? The most ideal spouse that we gave, as in having done a lot, we allowed him to marry her. And we agreed to it and everything went
well and smooth. Even though on the back end of things, you know, he might be like, man, she leaves her clothes everywhere. And the places a mess are so Pamela she doesn't know how to do this. Or she she's done it. And he's complaining about everything. cut offs. That's your wife, though. Are you happy with her? Yeah, I'm happy with her. But all these things? No, no, but are you happy with her? Yes. Okay. I'm the law. You don't need anything else. Right? You know, happy with something, communicate to her about it, you're not happy with how she does something, talk to her about it, you're not happy with how she treats you. And so in a way talk to her about it. Don't be like a
mean, right? Or mean? Or Mommy, john, are all of these things like no back off, you do not need to tell your mom or your dad or your parents or your siblings or your friends or anybody in laws are, you know, one of the prime sources of trouble in a marriage for most people, right? Prime source of trouble problems. issues arise from who from the in laws, in laws, no, this all beta, you got to be careful. You know what, you got to watch out for this, or you got to be careful and calm down.
If they see your wife as an amazing person, they will encourage you to do goodness back towards her. If they see that you are, Oh, she spoke to you this way? How dare she do that? Give her a taste of her of her own medicine. And then what happens? Negative is being the response of something negative. And it never ends. You go and you do that to her. You speak to her a certain way. What does she do in return? She gives it to even heart, right? Like how dare you talk to me this way? Like, well, you spoke to me that way I want to be right. And then arguments keep going on and on. And it never ends. Right.
That was number seven, wasn't it? Yes, it was
the most important now, still, number seven. The most important among the private matters that a husband should never ever reveal is that which happens within the bedroom. What happens within the bedroom, what happens between husband and wife, you know, between the two of them, that's private, that should not come out that should not be discussed. And somehow I can give you examples of non Muslims. I've worked with non Muslims before I've worked at many places before working in a Masjid or in the Islamic you know, sort of realm of things. And some have a lot, some had a lot, you know?
Yeah. So as an you know, if there's a lockdown, you can't you can't let your spouse go and visit the family because $6,000 is too much money to pay. So that has to be respected. So if the wife can't go visit her family because of the lockdown, then the husband can't go visit his family because of lockdown as well. Right? It goes both ways. Okay.
And yes, my wife is saying you should clarify that if there are real issues, then he should tell someone like a counselor. Yes. And I mentioned that before, that if you know, I mentioned that before.
That if someone you know, these are general guidelines and advice, but if someone is going through something really bad that needs help, you need advice, you need to go to a counselor, absolutely. Go and see a counselor, right? speak to someone. And the best thing what I usually say is
yes, it's learned encourages us find someone from your family who's going to help you out. Right, but a lot of the time we don't find the person who's going to help us we find the person who's going to instigate and create problems, right? So go to someone who's new
Go to a third party, someone who's not family, you know, go to NAMM. Go to a friend, go to a counselor go to a therapist, right? Go to someone who's able to help you not someone who's going to come in and create more problems for you. Okay. Not someone who's going to create more problems for you. So, yes, I mentioned that before, if there's domestic violence or anything, yeah, absolutely go and get some help, right.
But the things that are private within the bedroom should stay within the bedroom, unless it's something again, harmful. And that's why I wanted to sort of close that door and stay away from it right? In the sense that it's put out there I say it generally if you need extra help, because of something, go and seek it. But generally, what we're talking about is, you know, the things that happen, and as I was saying, you know, non Muslims, I've worked with them, and somehow a lot.
I've heard the worst of the worst things of what happens. And I'm not saying that they're bad, but it's just like, why are you talking about this? I don't want to know what happened in your bedroom last night. I don't want to know how drunk you guys were, I don't want to know what took place. I don't want to know who else was there. I don't want to know any of these details. And as Muslims, we should preserve and protect that as well, that we don't go out there and talk to our friends or you know, boast about it and be like, yo, and this is what we did. No, keep it within. And there's an example from the Prophet salallahu alayhi wasallam as well. Okay.
See, someone is asking, can a woman can't a woman tell her friends about bedroom stuff? Like the good stuff? No, no, that's private, right? It's private. Right? So, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, you know, we have an example of that. Pay attention. Okay. A smart Binti as he narrated that she was with the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and the men and women were sitting. Okay, so there was a great gathering of men and women in an area, okay.
And the men and women were sitting, perhaps some men speak about what they do
with their wives. And some women speak about what they do with their husbands. And when this was said, the prophets Allah, Allah who was sending them is there, right? The people were silent.
A smirk of the alarm on her. She then said, Yes, by Allah or messenger of Allah, they do this. When people are sitting together, the wives talk about their husband, right? And what they do in the bedroom, and the husband talks to his friends about what how it was last night and stuff like that. No, the prophet SAW the longer it he was sending him, He then said,
Do not do that.
Do not do that. And in fact, it goes on to say something else, you know, that's very, very, very
strong as a warning of how we're not supposed to do that. Okay.
Now, there are a number of reasons why we should keep that private. So first of all, you know,
another, another wife, let's say two wives are talking right and one of them is boasting about something else. The other one might feel like Oh, how come I don't have this? Right? How come I don't have that and start to compare and stuff like that?
Another issue would be is that if you find out what if she now that other woman goes and tells her husband and her husband now goes and says to him, Hey, man, I heard this happened to you last night, Mashallah way to go high five. And he's just like, What do you mean, high five? What's going on? What are you talking about? Oh, my wife told me this and that about you? All.
Good, right. It's private. And sometimes it leads to shame people feel the shame to people like I would you say that? Why would you do that? Why would you expose me like actually, you know, now again, generally speaking, the stuff within the room stays within the room if someone is going through a hardship now I've dealt with cases you know, my wife put it out there What about messy house right? If someone if a woman or a sister needs help, you can contact Nancy helpline or Nisa upline, right now, see how now actually is more general, right? Let's see how men can call as well. Not only teenagers, you know, both male female. They have the ability to handle that now as well,
from what I was told last week.
For women, you know, women want to specifically a woman's hotline, then you can call Nisa helpline, right.
But I can give you examples of Muslim families who do things in the bedroom that we as Muslims, like it doesn't even it doesn't. It doesn't enter our head that another Muslim family, this is what's happening. Right? It just doesn't enter into our minds. So yes, people have problems. Yes, people do things and if you need help with something, then
Reach out for the help. Okay, reach out for that. I've dealt with cases of people who, you know, from all kinds of different ideas and things and proposals that they put forth to their spouse. And it's just like, whoa. Right, so so Pamela Nelson handle the data protect us all. And
number eight are almost there. Okay, we're almost there. Number eight, it is the right of the wife that the husband seeks her advice in matters, especially things or matters that are particularly in or particularly revolve around her or the children and so on. So it is her right that her husband consults with her when he's going to make decisions on certain things. For example.
The prophets all along it was someone who would seek advice from his wives, and would follow their advice. When we look at the example of her day BIA on the day that the Treaty of her day BIA was, you know, signed, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam told us a habit of the lover and home. We're not going through, we're not going through for pilgrimage. Okay, we're going back to Medina. And so you need to sacrifice your animals and cut your hair or shave your heads.
And the Sahaba. Were not accepting this. Okay? So however, we're not accepting this at all.
I see a bunch of things written down over there. I'm gonna come to it. Let me just finish the story. Okay. However, we're like, no, we're in home. We're in home. We came all the way here.
We're not we're not shaving our hair. We're not sacrificing the animal we're going through. You told us that we're going, you told us that we're going for a pilgrimage, right? And even our own little dialogue. I was really upset. You know, it's like, but you said that we were going yeah, I said, we're going but I didn't say that we're going this year.
And so the prophets all along it, us and them, he comes back to you know, his tent, his area, and his wife, Elena, on the other hand, she's there.
he tells her that you know, that I told the people to sacrifice their animal and shave their head, but none of them are doing it. None of the none of this habit. We're doing it. They didn't want to do it. They're like, no, even though the prophets all along, I didn't even send them told them three times. Go and sacrifice your animal and shave your head. Go and sacrifice your animal and shave your head. Go and sacrifice your animal and shave your head. None of us are listening to the prophets all along. It is on them. They're heartbroken. They're emotional. No, we were going through two mcda this year, we wanted to go through you told us we were going through and some of them had started to
have doubts. They're like Yasuda, why you told us we were going you're the Messenger of Allah. How can we not be going through
them, send them out of the law? tells her husband more Hamlet's son, the lover and a US senator.
Why don't you go out. Don't talk to anybody. Don't say anything to anyone. Just go out.
Go to your animal, this fella, right?
sacrifice your animal.
And call your barber as in call the person who's going to shave your head and cut your hair.
And when the Sahaba see you doing that, then they will do it too. They will follow through. So be the example that you want to see.
Just put yourself in those shoes. None of the Sahaba are listening to the words of the Prophet sent along I need to send them at their time. That's like unheard of at our time. It's like so common. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam taught us to pray to some that after most of it, for example, no one does it. Right people like I prayed my father, right? pray that prayer with half the people don't do it. You know, do this. We don't do it. You should do that. We don't do it. You know, we don't do it. But at the time of the Prophet so long, I know some of the Sahaba of the Allahu anhu were told something by the prophets along with some of them. Immediately, they would go and do it
right. It was like, bam. We're doing it. He said to do it somewhere now Aparna, right. So for the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam to tell them three times to sacrifice their animal and shave their heads or you know, cut their hair and they weren't doing it. So big deal.
I'm sentimental. The lover tells him to do that. He goes out, sacrifices his animal, cuts his hair as his hair cut, I should say has his hair cut, right because he didn't do it himself. Has his hair cut.
When the Sahaba of the long run home saw that.
They all rushed, right. They all rushed to go and do exactly that because they saw him doing it. They went to do it to the point that in the narration or in the description of it, right. It mentions when the people saw that they also rushed and went to this to say
sacrifice their animals and begin to shave one another's hair to the point that they were almost killing each other due to the rush as if they were putting each other in harm's way rushing and forcing and pushing their way through. Now we got to do this we got to do it, the prophet SAW, someone did it, who gave him that advice? His wife
of the law.
So the prophets all along, I knew he was seldom consulted with his wife, what should I do? No one's listening to me.
How many of us have husbands come home and do that? I know my wife's listening, but she knows that I come home and ask her all the time. I don't know what to do. What am I supposed to do? You tell me what to do?
Like this, what happened? What am I supposed to do? Right. But some Hanalei You know, there's
there's some people out there who just never listened to their wife tonight. Wife. What does she know? Right? Like, she's, she stays home. She doesn't know what society is like she stays at home. You know what, sometimes people stay at home. People who think instead of people who talk, they have a lot more wisdom in them. Right? Because they think more. Spend more time thinking, analyzing, comparing, right dissecting things, putting it together, figuring out the best way to do something, as opposed to someone who just says you don't know. Right? And so the prophets along I needed some consulted with his family in something so important. And look, he took the advice of her in a matter
that's in a matter. That's part of the deen and
number nine are almost there. Okay, number nine. It is the right of the wife that the husband returns home immediately after finishing the night prayer Asia. Okay, and does not stay out.
Talking until the late hours of the night.
Sorry, guys got to go. I was calling.
I said I was going to check something here. So let me check it. I saw a bunch of things being written down and they were pretty long bear gases to check in.
What about those who ask a couple of kids after eight years of marriage? Okay, what about those who? Few years of marriage? Okay, so, well, I'll come to this. Okay, I'll come to this stuff. Because these are questions and we'll take the questions right at the end of July. I'm on number nine. And then we're almost done. Okay.
So it's the right of the wife that the husband comes home after he's done work or after a shot, he comes home. Okay.
And he doesn't sit around for what we typically know as gupshup. Right? He doesn't sit down and gupshup all night long, are chilling with his friends. I haven't been to LA you know what the beautiful thing is, now that the massages are operating in the way that they're operating in the sense that we only come for the compulsory prayer and then we go, we are actually doing something a little bit more according to the Sunnah, in the sense that you come for the compulsory prayer, you go home and you pray your son, no. So now you're forced to go home back to your spouse.
Right. So as some of the brothers are just like, please, please, I remember.
I remember when when COVID started, I was laughing so much. Some brothers were miskeen they're like, please help me I can stay at home with her. I can't say one brother sent me a whole list, a whole list of reasons why it's better for him to get COVID than it is for him to stay at home with his wife. And he was 100% serious. It was not a joke. He was 100% serious. He goes that my stress level at home, he was saying, right, this is what he told me my stress level at home is so high, I'm worried I'm gonna have a heart attack where you know, my blood pressure and you know, burst an artery or something. He's like, I'm just stressed at home, he says I would rather get COVID than to
some kind of law. Look at that. Look. And I'm not saying this as a joke. This is serious, serious. This goes to show us how people have serious problems at home. They need help. People need help. And I know we have. We have some counselors and therapists that are online that are watching right now. Reach out to them, reach out to them. In fact, if anyone is here that's watching that has you know the ability to help others feel free to put your put your contact details there. Put your you know your business name or your you know, your email address or phone number for people to reach out to you. They'll pay you right nothing's for free our brothers and sisters, except when you come into my
office, but with anyone else you got to pay, right? And so anyone who's who's who's watching who's a therapist who can provide some help and assistance to people, please feel free to put that there because people are struggling. Right people are really really struggling. So Pamela Look, just the other day I was talking to a brother.
And he was like chill. You know, he was complaining about something and I said but you know you're not supposed to come he's complaining. The door's locked. He's like I came to the
Mustard for Sona, and no one's here had to wait. Someone shows up 10 minutes before the before the end, or before so not someone someone comes in opens the door. He's like, Why? It should be open. I'm like, brother, it's COVID. Like, we have to follow the guidelines. You're not supposed to come and just chill and be in the masjid. We come for the prayer and we go, the mustard is able to stay open for the purpose of prayer. And then you go, he's like, come on chick. It's my right. I want to worship the city. So worship at home, he's like, I can't worship at home. You know, there's noise. The kids are running around. My wife is arguing nagging at me. It's like, I don't want that. I want
peace. I come to the mustard for peace. I said I know. But some people they want to go home for peace. So you need to fix the inside of your house. This brother was so furious. He was so upset. He's like, I want the mustard to be open. This is where I feel peace at home to shout then I was like I was a bit of luck. Come on. If you're not happy with your family, why you staying with them. Maybe they're not happy with you. Maybe they need someone else who's gonna look after them and make them feel good. And I understand the struggles and frustrations that people want to come to the mustard. Mustard is open for the prayers. But you just can't come an hour early and sit here and be
here all day and be like, you know what, I'm gonna stay here and go home when my wife is sleeping and come back here. And that's not the way it works. Right? communicate. Communicate, does not come a little fade on sister, Melissa, you know, for putting your details up there. On Facebook. I'm below we do have sister Melissa, she was a amazing resource for us here in Milton. She moved out to Ottawa. But now I think with everything online, I think you're probably able to take some
some clients from from Milton as well. So, you know, for those of you that want to get in touch with sister Melissa, I know there's just quite a few of you on Instagram. So her email address is Melissa at Melissa. Forgive me, I'm going to spell it out because it's just going to be easier. So m e LISSA at MELISSASAU n u r.ca. Okay, maybe someone on Instagram could write it out as well. I know some of you have her contact details. And there's there's others that are out there as well. So Pamela, you know, there's, there's a lot of people that can help you. If you're going through a hardship and difficulty. Now's the time that people are so stressed, they don't know what to do. Just go and talk
to someone, go and talk to someone. Okay. And Allah subhana wa, tada will make it easy for you. I'm
in the late night absence. I'm just going to read a little bit here. The late night absence greatly disturbs the wife.
It can also build up inside of her right where she starts to not trust her spouse anymore. Right? She's wondering, where is he? What is he doing? Who is he with? Where does he go? Right? Where's the spending his money on? Who's he spending his money on? And I can tell you, I've had cases of brothers who honestly are just working late from what they've told me just working late, but their wife, you know, be like nobody's cheating on me. In fact, just today, just today, you know, someone was telling me about some of that they know, I don't know who it is, the person didn't come in to see me. Someone was telling me about someone who he knows who he's helping who's going through, you
know, some hardships. And some kind of let you know, this is the reality where a spouse says, Well, I don't know where he is. So he must be cheating on me.
What? I don't know where he is, so he must be cheating on me.
We conclude that immediately in Islam, we need to watch out because in Islam, we can't just come up to that, you know, conclusion, we have to have evidence for it.
The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam In fact, we see that when he would pray Russia in the masjid, he would go home right after he would go home immediately after he was not wanting to stay awake into gossip and chitchat with with the people. No, that was for during the daytime during the day. And I'm not saying that the profits are longer. I knew someone was gossiping or chit chatting. But during the day, the profits are longer and he was selling them was you know, interacting with people answering questions and talking and so on and so forth. A class once after a show once a show was done, I'll leave him alone. That was after a shell was known by the Sahaba. This is his private
This is the private time of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
The Prophet sallallahu wasallam objected to Abdullah even Amma right we know that example very well. spending his entire night away from his wife in prayer. And the Prophet sallallahu wasallam said to him that you know truly your family has rights upon you, right
Your family has rights upon you.
So that was number nine. And number 10 technically doesn't apply to any of us in Canada. But since we took this topic before, I will mention this now. So yes, islamically? If someone does, maybe someone's watching in another country, if someone has,
and in fact, before you even say it, we need to know our Deen.
Okay, so we're going to talk about the case of someone who has more than one wife, what is the right of each of those wives? Well, it is the right of the wife upon the husband, that he treats co wives. If there are any, right, in a just an equitable manner. And we took this before, right. So this is just, you know, refresher that he must be equitable and equal to each of them respecting their food, their drink their clothing, their housing, you know, spending nights with them, and, you know, stuff like that, and not refusing to be with them. In fact, when we go back to the previous point, I forgot to mention this, you know, islamically, even
the husband can even have his own home, the profits in the long run, I'd even send them had his own home, each of his wives had a home. And he himself had his own home. And I told you this before, it's right next to right behind the house of atisha of the lover. Okay. So
it's not even the right of the husband to say, you know what, I'm just not going to come and stay with you today, even though I'm supposed to be at home, as in with his wife, I'm just gonna chill at my place. No, no, you stay with your wife. Right? It's her right. And she may have needs her desires, right? She wants to fulfill her sexual desires with her husband, that's her right? To be there for him to be there. And so in the example of Abdullah in your family has, has rights over you, they expect you to come home, if you're not going to be there, then what?
That that's where we start to find problems, serious, serious problems. Okay. And so like I mentioned, you know, with, if someone has more than one wife, islamically this is what Islam says, I'm not telling people to do this. Again, it's illegal in Canada, what Islam says you got to treat each of them in a way that's, that's, that's equal, like you you have to provide, you're providing a home for one you provide a home for the other. Not like, Okay, I have a wife, and this is gonna be my mistress on the side. I'm just gonna go, you know, she's gonna have her own home, she's gonna do this, she's gonna do that she's gonna, no, no, no, the husband has to provide for. And this is why I
always tell brothers, whenever they're joking around about it and stuff like that, like you guys, you don't understand islamically the responsibility is so great that if you truly understood the responsibility of looking after more than one spouse, you would run from it, it would run from it, you'd be like, there's no way especially living here in Canada. Unless shoutout to varkala you're super wealthy and rich, and Allah has blessed you. There's no way that you can do justice to both families financially.
It's just so difficult. And so whenever brothers joke around about this, I'm like, Guys, please write joke around about it. But really, the reality is, none of us can even do this, to treat each of them and to go through it. And to be fair, and to look after, you know, each family's children and stuff. Man must have a dad to help us because really, it's a great honor. You know, when you think about it, it's a great honor. There are so many sisters out there who may have gotten married and divorced have children. Oh, no one wants to marry them. Right? They may be widowed. No one wants to marry them. That's wrong. I brothers who are out there who may be in the same situation, help the
sisters out. And what bothers me even more than that is when
you know, most good Muslim brothers or Muslim Brothers don't say good, but just Muslim brothers are like, all gonna marry a non Muslim. So who's gonna marry the Muslim women? Who's gonna marry these Muslim sisters? And then you start to see an influx of Muslim sisters marrying non Muslim men.
And then the Muslim men are like, stop at all. Look at these women. Well, what do you expect? There's no one to marry them? No, some brothers are like, Oh, I'm gonna marry the non Muslim. So who's gonna marry the Muslim sister? Now let's kind of try to help us all. Give me 10 seconds.
We're done. I just need to plug in my computer because the battery's low and then we'll start q&a inshallah.
Okay, so in terms of the rights that a wife has upon her husband, you know, it's an it's an obligation for the husband to strive hard to try and fulfill those rights.
And you know, if a husband is looking for happiness in his marriage, and he's falling short on this, well fulfill these rights of the wife. And so Pamela, you'll probably start to find some happiness within that marriage, you'll find that peace and security, you know, within your household, it's essential that we try and keep the sanctity of the home there, you know, you'll you'll avoid domestic problems and issues and so on and so forth. And we ask Allah Subhana Allah to fill our homes with Baraka and Lama and mercy. And we also remind everyone that we will be looking at and hopefully all of the sisters will come next week to write not just this week, and next week, so this
one's like, we don't need to pay attention. So next week, we're going to be focusing on the rights of the husband, upon the wife, and the rights of the husband, upon the wife. And so we also remind all of our sisters of the necessity of overlooking some of the shortcomings that your husband might, you know, fall into, or present, and respect his rights as well that we're going to learn next week, right? So don't just like hammer in like, these are my rights, these are my rights, these are my rights, if you're not getting in something as well, and why like it goes both ways. And I'll mention this next time and shut a lot of time. But just remember the example of the Prophet sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam with a shot of the lover and there were certain things that he would do that would make her want to treat him even nicer. Right and, and that's important. Like if you want to be treated nicely, you've got to treat someone else nicely. And it's not like I will only treat you nicely if you treat me nicely. No, but it goes both ways. It softens the heart, softens the heart makes someone feel good makes them feel. You know what this is, right. So we also have a way to add a bless every single one of us and all of you in your marriage. May Allah subhana wa tada buchheit. And
we'll open it up for some questions.
Forgive me for taking a little bit more time today was an hour and a half. But you know, what is important is very important. And these are topics that we do need to address and we do need to cover and talk about, okay.
Okay, don't, okay, I'm just gonna go through here.
And if you don't, you're supposed to know I mean, some people cannot even work at it anymore, if you can understand that because it does exist and nobody said 100% Perfect. Okay, what's being spoken about here? takes a special kind of men to be truly just with more than one woman. I can't wait to meet our beloved Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. Yes.
greatest man ever walked the earth.
He shares and easy. Most men are barely able to manage taken care of one woman.
In everything she needs, it's almost laughable that they talked about a second wise, hopefully, hopefully, that's not me.
And sometimes they're just going through something and need to figure it out. There we go. When are we allowed to discuss sexual compatibility? Not in details pre or post marriage.
So look, you want to talk about things, pre marriage that are important. Like
you know, if someone has a special need or specific need, you want to make it known to the person as well.
And so that's something that that should be taken seriously and discussed, you know, or at least brought up in Shalimar.
Check what kind of things to the prophets on a white guy and he was set alone, due for I showed up the lava and her to treat him more nicely. I mentioned that next time. Okay, I'll mention that next time and just mentioned, you know, something now, but we'll talk about it next time inshallah, because when I look at the rights of the wife and then the rights of the husband, and then we'll talk about, you know, building upon that, okay, are there any rulings on showing public affection? So, public affection? Yes, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was like we said he raised I showed up the logline. Hmm. So for them at their time, this is like, interesting. Now if you think
of it at our time, imagine you're in the parking lot of the masjid. And husband and wife are racing and all the brothers are like, oh, bah, bah, bah stuff. It'll last off at a lot and they're doing this like oh my god. Right. And then others are doing this. this weird and shaky stuff, right? Imagine if you know, I go out in the back of the parking lot. My wife is everywhere. Like all right, let's race and we start running errands like Austin federal law. Look at the email.
the prophets all along I needed to send him Did he had fun right now public affection at the time of this hospital, Dr. Horton who was very different than our time as well. But still the prophets all along. I know some of them did stuff in his time that Muslims today will be like out on out on like, he had his hand around his wife. I showed off the logo. I know what's wrong with that, protecting his wife. Nothing wrong with it. Today nowadays is like I stopped that along putting your hand around your wife, what do you What's wrong with it? She's my wife. She's the only woman who's highlighted for me this way. Well, is it wrong if I put my arm around her? I shoveled the cane, put
her head here, put her chin on the shoulder, the prophets all along it was gonna put her cheek against the cheek of the prophets all along, it was on them. And it was watching the other simians. They were wrestling. She was watching them. And the prophet SAW along I didn't even send them stood there. Right. And she was like, trying to get up to him, right to keep her head there. And she was like,
he would ask, Are you done? No, no, not done. And he would stay there. Right? And then he asked again afterwards. Are you done? No, I'm not done. I'm still watching. Okay. And so that's affection. That's she's got her. She's holding the prophets all along. I do send them her cheek is against his cheek. We also have the other narration of the prophets along and he was on the left his house went to lead the Sala
prophets on Long Island Southern went to lead the salt up, turned around, went and gave a kista shout out the alarm. She sticks her head, you know, out the window or the door of her home gives a kiss, they kiss each other, he turns around, he goes in he leaves the salon. This is that Hadeeth is actually used as evidence to prove that touching your spouse right physical contact between husband and wife does not break your will. The Hadeeth is used in that to prove that touching your spouse because the shaffir ease or you'll notice that according to the chef and they'll say that if a man touches a woman, even if it's his spouse, then his widow is broken right there will do is broken.
And this is why you'll see people will fall to the shepherding method when they're making the offer on the Kaaba. And a lot of Malaysians and Indonesians, the women will have sleeves that are long like this on the outside and short on the inside. So their hands are exposed on the inside but covered on the outside to stop any when they're making the offer on the camera. They don't want any men to touch them. But the evidence that it doesn't break rule though is the Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam going and giving a kiss that he shut off the llama and how he left for Salah. He turns around, goes gives her a kiss and goes back and leads the Salah sudden Allahu alayhi
Yes, you do that.
Imagine, imagine if I come to the drama and the masjid. Right and we enter the masjid. You pick up your shoes to put them on the shelf. And you know, my wife gives me a kiss all the brother be like, stop
doing this thing again. See that?
handed in law? You know what things are just they just
scroll here. Does this mean? We can race next time? We'll see. I'll beat you.
if you kiss your spouse's lips, does this break with or is it sinful before praying Salah? No, it's not sinful. Remember I said what Allah has made headlines between husband and wife, if done properly is an act of very bad why because you're submitting to a lot and what he's made highlighted for you he's you're doing something for the sake of pleasing Allah subhanaw taala so giving a kiss to your spouse can actually be earning rewards for you you can gain rewards through it if you're doing it to please a loss of Hamlet and of course you pleasing yourself and you're pleasing your spouse, but you're doing it because Allah has made the two of you hang on for each other. Right.
So someone saying I follow the chat for email hub? Does it mean that my whoo break?
After contact with my husband? No, it doesn't. Why? Because like I said, there's you know, following a mud hub should not be something that you're so strict and doing that when you hear another evidence that proves something wrong as in allows you to do something, it's permissible astatically Why would you still hold on to something that you say oh, no, but I can't do this because of cheffy but the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam did it and it didn't break his word also.
So no, it does not break your rhythm. Okay, does not break your rule. Even if you follow you know, the rulings or the advice
Within the shift for the better,
what is your spouse is making?
Can you kiss your spouse or touch them or not? So if your spouse is making, you want to make sure that
if you are going to go in and give them a kiss, that you don't make them upset with you that while they're making drama, that drama starts to go against you. So you want to make sure that you give them a kiss in a way that they remember, we have forgot to make your offer. And so you start making draft for them, right? So you make sure that you do something nice and sharp. Okay. Any questions here on Instagram? iccm Instagram. No, I don't see any way you guys are nice and quiet.
husband wants to work on Dora. And wife wants him to wear sherwani when going to a wedding? Who wins? Or should we wait for next session? Oh, that's a simple one. It's COVID
COVID time pandemic lockdown.
Don't go to any weddings. Problem solved. Wear your pajamas. Go on zoom. Wear your pajamas. You're safe.
Man, this is what happens when you make me work till late night I go all crazy.
Good. It doesn't look like there's any other questions. So if that's all in terms of questions, I'll give you another minute. If you have any questions, please do write it out. And if you asked a question before and I didn't get to it, type it in now inshallah. And
if that's it,
we continue to do live streams. If there is no longer restrictions, Allah knows best. I don't know yet. Okay. As a few questions regarding
never received the replies or
where did you ask those questions? Because if you type them in before I was teaching, and I didn't see them, so if you can just
I don't know. I really don't. I never really used the question things. So if anyone has any questions that are private, just message me privately inshallah.
But generally, I get I, like I said, last time, I get over 200 to 300, you know, messages and stuff per day. So it's very hard for me to get to all of them, please forgive me.
So can you hug your spouse while they're doing pickup?
Okay, a someone's busy and about, let them be busy. And everybody know, and understand that their connection with a lot is more important than their connection with you, except in the case that they're taking away from what's your right. like we saw in the case about dilemma, right? So if someone's rights are being taken away, then that should be brought up. But if someone's busy right now, they don't constantly Take them away from our data. Right, be happy that they're performing and doing something of that sort. Okay.
Okay, what about public affection that's posted on social media, for example, kissing your wife and having that posted on social media? No, I don't think you should do that. I think you should keep that private. If you do it, you know, where it's not documented, it's not being shown? Well, you don't need to show it to be the purpose of it is to bring that love between husband and wife, if the purpose is to post it for others to see, and to comment and know, then then I'm not do that and discourage it. That's not part of the deal to just show that affection for the sake of showing, you know, that affection is done.
in a way that's permissible, you know, without it being made the prime you know, seen of the screen, for example.
I don't get it my husband on social media halaal What does that mean?
I don't know if that's a question or not. Okay. I love these Sunday classes. Hello, Zach. Hello, Clayton, for your time I love actually
can a wife politely but publicly asked for help meaning from his family? Is it recommended to indirectly criticize him or just communicate directly?
So look, when we criticize and then indirectly criticize and stuff like that, if there's an issue, you should always try and tackle the issue from the source. So go to someone in the family that can help you with this issue, and not someone who's going to make it worse. Okay, someone who's actually going to bring about some help and assistance.
Somebody from Schiff as well.
family unit we do believe in sharing responsibility, etc, etc, including earnings. But I had a question with regards to the Islamic ruling on earnings of the wife. I've heard that the wife's earnings she can use or keep it if she wants and doesn't have to provide for the family unit. Is that true? And why is it? So? What is the reason behind this? If it's true, okay, so sister Luna,
yes, it is true. his wealth is her wealth, and her wealth is her wealth.
Okay, let me say that, again, his wealth is her wealth, and her wealth is her wealth. What I mean by this is,
aesthetically, if a wife works and earns, her wealth is hers.
When you look at what the husband has to provide for his wife, we mentioned shelter, clothing, food, and all of that, he has to provide that for a loss of haddaway to Allah mentioned that, and we took the examples, you can go back and watch the recording in sha Allah, you know, there's, there's examples that allow us to penalize data gives that he has those responsibilities, okay to look after her, she doesn't have that responsibility. her. Her needs are supposed to be looked after by him. So her wealth is hers. If she wants to contribute towards the expenses, you know, electricity, utilities, whatever, insurance car payments and stuff like that, that's fine. If she wants to, then
she can. And there's goodness in that. But does she have to know? Must she do it? No. And should she is it advise to know, he should provide for her? What is within his ability,
and she should know what his abilities are financially. So if you live in a place where, for example, we live here in Milton, right?
If I'm not able to provide a house to purchase a house for my spouse, I should make that known to my wife, the financially I'm not able to purchase a house, I do not earn enough to to purchase a house, and I will not be planning to purchase a house based on my current earnings period. He knows that he says it to her she knows that she should not expect and say no, you have to buy me a house. I need this. I need that I need this. No, no. Wait, is he providing a home in terms of shelter? Yes. Does he own it? Nope. But is he providing it? Yes. Does that mean you might have to move sometimes, yes, sorry. But that's the case, he can't provide any more than that. If you want more, or a woman needs
more than she either can help to contribute towards it, or say I'm sorry, you can't provide for me.
You're not you're the person who can't provide enough for me. So I'm sorry, I'm not gonna marry you, or marry someone else. Right? Or, you know, this isn't gonna work. This is these are my requirements. So that's why the marriage contract is so important that, you know, the spouse should say each spouse should say, this is what I need. This is what I'm looking for. This is what I'm able to provide it and so on and so forth. Okay. Um, his wealth, like I said, is her wealth technically, it's not all her wealth, but he has to use from his wealth to provide for her and her wealth. She could say it's mine. And she can do whatever she wants with it. Okay. That's just the way it is.
It's dynamically. And
let me see, is there anything?
is it helpful to kiss a spouse in public, for example, in a store or out on a walk or any public space? Is there anything wrong with it? Or is it better to be done in private? Okay, so if it's like, now, we're gonna be talking about like, French kissing, you know, that's different. Okay. A general kiss on the lips on the cheek, you know, just a peck kind of kiss wrench, try to figure out where it's easier, you know, kiss on the cheek kiss on the lips. Fine. Right?
Remember, always trying to be as modest as we possibly can. We reserve that for inside of the home so we don't go out and like, oh, Jeff said it's hot out. Now. You just find all these, you know, Muslim couples everywhere. They're just like French kissing nonstop, everywhere you go. Now, the point is, is it permissible to be done once or twice here and there occasionally? Yes. Is it something that we are encouraged to do outside? No, we're encouraged to do that inside of the home. Right. But if a person shows that affection to their spouse, you know, no one's looking you going you give them a nice quick kiss 100 in love, that's good. There's nothing wrong with that. Holding
hands. Amazing. Right? walking side by side, not one in front one and back. Shouldn't be done that way. Right. So again, it's preferred to keep this private, but if it's done outside
You know, something, something late, not something like, Well, okay, these two need to get a room, then you know, that should not be done outside.
I've learned so much.
When you marry, do you automatically belong to your husband family? Or you're still a member of your family? Okay, wow, okay.
Question. When you get married, you automatically belong to your husband's family or, or you are still a member of your family, you are still a member of your family, you will always remain a member of your family. And you never belong to your husband's family. You never belong to your husband's family. It's not ugly, you don't even change your last name. You keep your last name. It's a cultural thing, even here within North America as a cultural thing to take the husband's last name, right. But it's not ugly. You don't your identity is your identity. And that's yours, and no one takes that away from you. So when you get married, you keep your name. Right. And when you get
divorced, you keep your name. If someone does get divorced, I'm saying
your name never changed. You don't belong to another family. You belong to your family in the sense that you are from your family and you are attributed and linked to your family. You are not the family of your husband's in the sense that you belong to that family. No. Are they family to you? Yes. Or is there a relationship? Yes. With the people that Allah has made Helen, for example, when a woman gets married to her husband, her father in law is mom to her and how long for her to ever marry ever even if she divorces her husband. It's how long for her to marry her father in law.
And even if she divorces her husband, her father in law will always be my home to her. Right. And so there are certain things that yes, you become family and so on and so forth. But at the same time, you do not belong. Nobody owns us. A lot. Is our Creator. We belong to a lot. We don't belong to any human beings. You don't belong to your husband. You don't belong to your wife. Okay? You belong to a lesser panel.
Okay, that's more than enough time for today in sha Allah Xochimilco feigning for attending Barca lo fi come, see all of you next week. Some along with selama Roberto Karolina bnm hermeto Allah Allah USA Salim was sent him already come to LA he about a cattle Forgive me for going over the time, but I think it was something that was important to cover all at once.