Profcon Talk Rebuilding a Broken Heart

Calisha Bennett


Channel: Calisha Bennett

File Size: 76.23MB

Share Page


AI: Summary © The speakers emphasize the importance of rebuilding a broken heart, avoiding impurities and sexuality in relationships, protecting privacy, and trusting in Allah's subhanaw taala. They also stress the need to stay disciplined and achieve success in Islam, pursue personal and professional goals, and avoid sharing personal information. The use of the "arousal flag" is emphasized as a symbol of desire for more feminine and men's ideal, and challenges of avoiding being attached to one another and not wanting to get along. The speaker thanks attendees for their contributions and expresses gratitude for their work.
Transcript ©
00:00:00--> 00:00:42

repeated Greetings, my dear sisters As Salam or aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakato please do inform if there are any audio or technical issues just keep me aware Inshallah, if there are any connection issues. I know I'm a long way away to tuning in to this amazing session, masha Allah, may Allah subhanaw taala bless our time together that we have now in May Allah subhanaw taala, Grant maximum benefit for all of us in dunya, and in an era, and may we share everything in anything beneficial that we learn from this with others around us so that we can improve the condition of not only ourselves, but the condition of our fellow Sisters in Islam, who are close to us and beyond that,

00:00:42--> 00:01:25

Inshallah, I mean, so today's session, we're going to get some slides up to make it a little bit visually stimulating for you so you don't fall asleep. So you don't, I don't know what time it is that actually at the afternoon. So I want you guys to be as aware as possible, because we are going to be on a bit of a journey. We've got a few different topics that I was given for this session today, based on what you guys have been requesting to your your organizers handling loss. So it's wonderful to be able to address and discuss some topics and give some teachings on some topics which you yourselves feel that your community is struggling with,

00:01:26--> 00:02:01

within the journey of being students of college. So I'm not in control of the screen and any annotations or lovely illustrations that come on there. So just be aware, everyone who is tuning in, in terms of keeping your microphones off and being aware not to accidentally press things because I think we all kind of have access to what happens on the screen. And admins feel free to collect questions and then you can ask them at the end because I don't think I'll be able to catch up on the level and the quantity of of comments and questions that come in because of how many of you there are Mashallah.

00:02:03--> 00:02:13

So yeah, just be careful everyone with all the scribbles on the screen. I'm not sure he's doing that. So we're talking about rebuilding broken hearts, which is the theme that we were given today.

00:02:14--> 00:02:15


00:02:16--> 00:03:01

we have these questions which were posed, which I was requested to address for you guys, on the theme of the struggles with relationships that might be happening, or the inclination to want to engage in relationships within the path of study and the study environments that you guys are in. So we've got the questions of Is he the one for me and the topic of, you know, choosing a spouse or choosing someone who you might be interested in or attracted to, and how to navigate that how to best know and decide what is good for you and what isn't good for you in that regard. We've got modesty in social media, and we're going to look at the impacts of social media and how to utilize

00:03:01--> 00:03:44

it in a healthier, more beneficial way. We're also going to look at the power of Eman in tackle tackling sorry for the spelling mistake there in tackling anxiety and depression. And we know that through the use of social media through interactions with the opposite gender, there are some massive struggles in the wake of that when things don't work out where people are struggling with anxiety, depression and other sorts of emotional and psychological states in after the fact when things haven't worked out. And we're also going to look at the secrets to being a successful Muslim ah, well overall, Inshallah, if you can come out of your college or your study journey unscathed

00:03:44--> 00:04:04

somewhat. If you can navigate social media in a safe and healthy way, if you can look after your Eman and keep your mental health in check, what are some things that we can utilize and implement in becoming inshallah to Allah as successful Muslimah in this life and then inshallah in the life to come?

00:04:05--> 00:04:48

So the first topic that we are going to cover is the question of Is he the one for me? And you know, I've heard that within your community there, there is a bit of a struggle with students having a lot of interest in relationships with each other that aren't particularly marriage focused or marriage intended relationships. So everyone knows that you know, in our deen, we don't have relationships outside of marriage, that there is no boyfriend, girlfriend relationship, there's nothing that is valid in the Islamic teachings where someone considers themselves as boyfriend and girlfriend or to be dating, there is only the courting of getting to know someone for the purpose of marriage. But

00:04:48--> 00:05:00

what I thought we could do is run through some ways and in particular 10 ways to avoid getting into an impermissible relationship with the wrong person. Okay, so ways

00:05:00--> 00:05:42

To navigate safely so that you don't fall into an impermissible relationship, and especially that you don't fall into an impermissible relationship with the wrong person, because that is what will result in having a broken heart. So what's this theme of this session is rebuilding broken hearts, the best way to rebuild a broken heart is to avoid having a broken heart in the first place. And how do we avoid having a broken heart is we make sure we don't fall into the pitfalls, when it comes to looking at engaging in some type of interaction with the opposite gender, you know, especially if you are single and wanting to get married, and then kind of playing around with the idea of getting

00:05:42--> 00:06:27

to know someone in your own way rather than an official or a formal courting process. So let's go into this list inshallah. So the first point is, number one, don't go for potential. So don't marry don't seek out someone over there. Because they have potential. Like he's got a few good qualities that I like he's got potential, he could be a great husband. Where you don't know enough about the person, you only see a few good points, there are some negative ones, but you're overlooking it because they have potential, maybe you can fix them, maybe they'll improve over time. So never go for someone or pursue anything with someone who simply has potential, you want someone who is going

00:06:27--> 00:07:14

to be marriage material, and you want to go about it through the formal pathways. Number two is seek character over chemistry, seek character over chemistry, the natural human inclination is that between the two genders, especially someone that you might be attracted to, there will be an element of chemistry and sometimes that chemistry is a very high level of chemistry and attraction, and being drawn to each other. But sometimes that can blind a person to the character of the individual simply because of the level of chemistry they can become blinded to giving time and notice to that person's a HELOC, their character, their sincerity, and of course, their Deen as well which ties

00:07:14--> 00:08:01

into their character. And how many times have we seen someone were in or a couple where they have fallen madly in love, and they've ended up together very quickly, very abruptly. And before you know it, one of them has horrible character and mistreats the other person. And this can happen, you know, if you're engaging or people within your your campuses are engaging in relationships outside of marriage and dating, they falling for each other because of chemistry. And they end up hurting one another because someone doesn't have good character, and then someone ends up heartbroken and damaged. Number three is know your own emotional needs and assess this. So it's very important to

00:08:01--> 00:08:43

know if you have certain emotional gaps and holes within yourself perhaps from your childhood or your upbringing, perhaps from maybe past relationships which haven't gone well. And for example, you might have a neediness about you, that's very needy, of the attention and affection of someone else. And it's never good to go into any type of relationship with some kind of need. Because then your happiness becomes dependent on the other person. And this is not a good state to be in. It's not an empowering state to be in, it's a weakened state. So know your own emotional needs. You should be taking care of your own emotional needs as a woman as an individual, without needing to depend on

00:08:43--> 00:09:10

someone else. Because remember, when you're seeking a spouse, they're meant to complement you. You know, two potential people should be two whole healthy, stable people coming together. So know your own emotional needs and also try to notice and pick up on that person's emotional needs. Are they going to be someone who constantly needs reassurance maybe they're insecure, so they constantly need reassurance, they might end up being very controlling and very

00:09:11--> 00:09:57

suspicious or very, you know, negative or or accusatory over you. So it's important to be aware of what your needs are and what their needs are and see if there is a middle path that would be a healthy, stable potential marriage future marriage relationship. Number four is avoid opposing life plans. So these are very early on, you know, red flags, any opposing life plans where you are not aligned in what it is that you want to do in the future. Don't pursue the courting process don't pursue getting to know each other when you know that you're not aligned maybe in your life plans of Dean in your life plans of where you want to live in your life plans or family dynamic, if it's not

00:09:57--> 00:09:59

aligned from the very foundation level.

00:10:00--> 00:10:16

And then it's best to avoid pursuing that, that type of that type of person because of that misalignment. Number five is avoid any sexual or physical contact. So obviously, we know this is strictly forbidden in Islam and is considered

00:10:17--> 00:11:03

as fornication, if there's any type of sexual contact, outside of being married to that person. And we want to avoid that, obviously, because of the repercussions of it because of its effect to your honor and your dignity. And of course, the risks of, for example, you know, having children outside of wedlock, and those sorts of horrible situations that can occur. Number six is avoid if there's a lack of connection, avoid if there's a lack of connection. So say, for example, you're just not interested or maybe not attracted, or you don't feel like you're compatible, don't continue engaging in, you know, connecting with them and having a relationship with them.

00:11:05--> 00:11:44

Basically, all these tips are for you to know that anyone that you do notice from afar and have interest in to go about the process formally, and Islamically permissibly. So when, why I'm telling you these points is so that if there ever comes someone who catches your eye, and they're starting to like tick some boxes, for you to realize, like, look at all these kind of like warning signs or things to be aware of, in order for you to like hold back, and not pursue something so quickly and easily. And this is a problem that we have, especially amongst our young people pursuing an acting on things with haste and to too quickly and without deep thought and realizing the bigger picture

00:11:44--> 00:11:46

and the bigger implications of it.

00:11:47--> 00:12:31

Number seven is pay attention to your own issues. So similar to number three, what are your own issues? What are your emotional anxieties that you might be going into, you know, seeking out from someone else. So, again, it's about not mandating your emotional anxieties with thinking you need to have someone else tending to that. So all these driving factors, which cause and push people to engage in these types of relationships, which are, you know, it's best to sort out your own self before reaching out elsewhere. Number eight is to be aware of a lack of openness and honesty, you notice the person is hiding things or does not feel comfortable to be open and frank with you that

00:12:31--> 00:12:35

these are massive warning signs that you know, the person might be,

00:12:36--> 00:12:37

you know, somewhat.

00:12:40--> 00:13:18

Maybe there's a part of them, they don't like to show or they're not allowing you to see and that should be something which alarms you. So it's definitely a warning sign. Number nine is beware of irresponsible traits, especially as women, especially as females, the last thing you want is to be, you know, caught up with someone attached to someone bonded to someone, then ultimately married to someone who is not able to be responsible, as an individual, as a man, as a caretaker, as a provider, just be aware of certain traits, and you have to think for yourself, will they be able to take care of me and our potential children in the future in in a responsible way and live a

00:13:18--> 00:14:02

responsible life? And number 10? Are they truly healthy and truly available for marriage? Is the person really a healthy, top quality person for you to bring into your life? Is the person truly available for you to give themselves wholeheartedly in commitment to you under a marriage contract tract? Or do they possibly have addictive behaviors? Do they possibly have insecurity issues? Do they have maybe some kind of trauma? They have mental health struggles? Do they have severe depression? Are they overly attached maybe to their mothers or to their friends, or to their own bachelor life, just to be aware that a man might show you interest but he's not truly available

00:14:02--> 00:14:48

wholeheartedly for you for a committed relationship. So know when to take a step back, hold on to your dignity and don't pursue further. So I hope those 10 tips help you to reflect and think about the you know, the question you need to have in your mind you like a guy that's cool, might have amazing, some amazing qualities you might be attracted to him, but that doesn't mean he's the one for you necessarily. And don't sell yourself short and don't get caught up in you know, the emotional rush or the emotional connection or the emotional attachment that you might end up developing. So, think about the bigger picture, play it smart. You know, exercise a sense level of

00:14:48--> 00:14:59

discipline and abstinence and self restraint as much as you can, in order to inshallah avoid any type of unhealthy attachment which would potentially end up in an

00:15:00--> 00:15:17

unnecessary heartbreak. So it's about choosing carefully. It's about treading carefully. It's about being a smart woman. It's about being a whole accomplished woman in and of yourself. Before you go reaching out thinking you need to have someone's attention and someone's affection.

00:15:19--> 00:16:03

The second area that we're going to cover Inshallah, dalla is modesty and social media challenges. And these points are taken from a workshop that I do, it's quite a lengthy workshop about three to four hours, where we look at the topic of me, myself and I, and the impact of social media, on the mind, identity and psyche of women and young people, especially. And when we look at the definition of social media, let's assess it. Social media refers to the means of interactions among people in which they create, share, and exchange information and ideas in virtual communities and networks. The social media is defined as a group of internet based applications that build on the ideological

00:16:03--> 00:16:40

and technological foundations of the web. So what is it it's interaction between people where you do what you create, you share and exchange what information and ideas in this virtual community, we need to be really aware that this entire exchange of information ideas, is not just like, Wow, that's awesome, looking at so many ideas, and so much inspiration from social media, and we can get community connection and network. That is amazing, definitely. But remember that the ideas, the information that you are consuming, whether consciously or unconsciously,

00:16:41--> 00:17:18

what kind of messaging are we receiving? Is it positive? Is it healthy? Is it permissible? Is it Islamic? Is it spiritually uplifting? Is it morally uplifting? Or is it the opposite? Is it stuff that that pollutes your mind? Is it stuff that weakens your faith? Is its? Is the content that you're the ideas, you're exposing the information you're exposed? Is it beating down your sense of self esteem? Is it creating self loathing, self doubt? Is it creating doubts within your faith? Is it causing you to desire the impermissible worldly life and worldly

00:17:20--> 00:18:03

pastimes and habits and hobbies? So we have to realize social media, it's not just about socializing and online communities, there is a transfer, there's an exchange of information and ideas. Okay, and we have to realize that what we think we think and what we think we know, it's come from somewhere. And you're not a lot of what we are and who we are. And what we know is innate knowledge, you know, we've got a handle, of course, our fitrah, which is connected in a way of Allah subhanaw taala. But what we think about the world and ourselves and life and, and meaning and purpose and success, and faith, all of this is created and constructed within our minds from what we expose ourselves to, and

00:18:03--> 00:18:36

of course, Alhamdulillah we all growing up with the deen with sacred knowledge with learning the Quran and learning the Sunnah. And in Islamic environments, and Muslim families, perhaps as well. But the exposure of mainstream media or social media of the outside world influence through secular education, these are also planting ideas within our minds, which are in turn affecting our souls and, you know, the thoughts that we have about ourselves and what we believe in. So we have to realize the influence is very much real.

00:18:37--> 00:19:20

So I want you to ask yourself, are you to think why do we use social media? Why do you use social media? All of us should know very accurately and clearly why we are on social media. While we are on specific platforms, what are you doing there? What is your purpose of having created that account? What is the purpose of the effort and the time you take into creating content for your account? What is the why behind what you're sharing for every image for every post for every quote, for every video? For every personal friend that you add or follow? What is your purpose behind it? What are you intending to get out of it? Or are you blindly consuming if I blindfolded you, and I put a plate

00:19:20--> 00:19:55

in front of you and I said, You have to eat whatever's on that plate and you would say to me, but what's on the plate, I need to see it first I need to know so I can make a decision about what I want to consume off that plate. Likewise, when we go on to social media, a lot of people go into it blindly. They go into it not knowing what they're going to do on it have meaning and have purpose. They're not they go into it not realizing and thinking about what they're going to consume on social media and the impact on their well being and their health and their spirituality from what they consume. They don't look at what's there and then make a conscious decision. A lot of us are just on

00:19:55--> 00:19:59

there because everyone else is on there or on there for our friends but then end up floating off into other areas.

00:20:00--> 00:20:39

is off social media some of the reasons behind why some people use social media they use it for attention they like the attention that it gets them they like the fame that it gets them they like the the opportunities that it gets them some go onto social media because they they feed and thrive of positive feedback they love hearing people's or reading people's saying, Oh you're so beautiful Masha Allah or I love your house, masha Allah Oh, well I love your decor, Mashallah. Some people don't even say Masha Allah, which is another worry. But some people are silently watching and jealous of what they see of you. So sometimes people are on social media, because they're addicted

00:20:39--> 00:21:16

to the positive feedback and the dopamine hit that they get from that attention, which we'll talk about a little bit later on. Some are on social media for social validation, just to feel like they belong. Like they're cool like they're in because everyone else is on there. So they want to sit in social gatherings and not when everyone's talking about something that they saw or watched online, on a social media platform so they can feel like yeah, I'm in I'm here. I'm with everyone. So I want you to ask yourself, why are you on social media either for Dawa, either for positive reminders? Are you there for artistic purposes? Are you there for your mental health to look for inspiration? Are

00:21:16--> 00:21:34

you there for your physical health to look for different health ideas and health knowledge? Because there is great benefit, we can't lie, we can't deny that there is some benefit on social media, there are great opportunities for learning and connection and beneficial knowledge. But again, it's how we use it.

00:21:35--> 00:22:19

So if we look and think about what are the most popular social media platforms, we know that Facebook is probably the most popular one. There are some social media platforms, which are based Chinese based ones which have, you know, millions upon millions of users. But we weren't, you know, obviously, we won't know a lot about them. But we have not far behind Facebook, we also have other platforms like Instagram, we have Twitter, we have Snapchat. And now we have the wonderful Tiktok, which is short videos, right? And I don't know about you guys. But as we get further and further into the future world, the modern world that we live in, it does seem like these social media

00:22:19--> 00:22:55

platforms are becoming a little bit more and more shallow and disturbing, and the content is becoming more and more explicit. panela. So again, why are we on there? What are we getting out of it isn't necessary? Is there a better use of our time? We know that within social media, we definitely know there are positives, we definitely know that there are negatives. But you have to know within your mind, what are the positives of me being here were the negatives of me being he actually map it out. If you have children, or you know, one day your kids are older, map it out and brainstorm, look at what are the positives were the negatives and weigh them up? Is it worth having

00:22:55--> 00:22:59

this particular social media platform? Or is it better not to have it?

00:23:00--> 00:23:43

What are the positives mean? Like, okay, there's these positives in it makes sure I engage in those positive aspects of social media, what are the negatives of it, make sure I avoid the negative aspects of social media. So it's about being a conscious consumer and being careful when we look at some of the negative aspects. And then and the effects of social media on the brain, which are negative is number one is addiction. We literally have a condition called social media addiction. And this is where people can't control the amount of time that they use social media. And it does become like a drug addiction, five to 10% of people, they cannot control how much time they spend on

00:23:43--> 00:24:26

social media. And I think this was a couple of years ago, and likely I think it would be 10 to 15% now, or maybe more span a lot. It's similar to drug addicts in terms of inability to pay attention, emotional dysregulation, poor decision making, because the mind is like I need my fix, I need to check my phone, I need to check my social media account. So there is chemical release happening in the brain, there is a dopamine release. And when we look at different types of drugs, drugs, often have an effect like dopamine on the brain or they they create that same feel good experience and social media and pornography which maybe you learned from chocolate ale has that impact on the brain

00:24:26--> 00:24:59

where there is a release of dopamine feel good. So your brain is literally chasing that feel good experience through checking your social media notifications. So you see five likes you see a comment, your brain does this little tiny bursts of dopamine and that becomes addictive. So we have to realize there is an addictive nature to it. So now imagine eight 910 years old people give their children phones people give their children tablets, they're allowed to have social media at that age. They starting to post pictures or videos and they're getting attention for it.

00:25:00--> 00:25:09

It's releasing dopamine in that child's brain, they're getting social validation, they start to attach their self worth to the attention that they get on social media as on.

00:25:11--> 00:25:57

The other effect on the brain is multitasking. So people who use social media a lot or use their digital devices a lot, they cannot multitask or remember as well. And they perform less well than people who are not high users of electronics and social media. The third negative aspect is on the nervous system. And there's amazing condition, it's called phantom vibration syndrome, where people experience at least once every two weeks where they thought their phone vibrated for notification, but it didn't. So their brain actually starts making up that it imagined that a message came in and the phone vibrates panela. So it's making up things that aren't even there. And that's another

00:25:57--> 00:26:06

impact of high social media and device use. Another concern number four is that it rewires the brain, it rewires the brain.

00:26:09--> 00:26:24

When we look at the way we communicate, we need to have face to face human communication. But what happens is when most of our communication is happening online, only through words and texts and comments, we're losing that face to face,

00:26:26--> 00:27:08

ability to read each other's expressions to read each other's angle of communication to read each other's moods and smaller gestures that a person might have when they're expressing themselves. So when you take that away, what happens is we ended up with a generation of humans who don't know how to socially interact at a high level or at a quality level anymore, we become poor communicators upon a lot. So it rewires the way your brain understands and reads communication. We are designed to interact with each other and see each other's expressions and movement and pick up on each other's energies. But when it is majority digital that we are having conversations in, it rewires the brain

00:27:08--> 00:27:43

to a lower level of performance. And number five way that it's affecting the brain is online relationships. It's very interesting. I guess this people consider or maybe it's a positive one. But ultimately, it's not. It's not the most ideal. It's that people who start off with online relationships that end up liking each other more. Why? Because they share more with each other at the onset of their relationship. being more open being more honest, as opposed to someone you're meeting in person, you might be a little bit more inhibited, it's a little bit more,

00:27:45--> 00:28:01

you might be a bit more apprehensive about sharing deeper things about yourself when you meet someone in person as opposed to chatting online. So they say that online relationships, the whole relationship, love building connection is can be stronger, Aloha Allah.

00:28:03--> 00:28:44

It's important for us to recognize the way we express and show us especially as Muslim women. And we know that a lot of social media platforms, for example, Instagram is visual based. So you might be tempted to Ontraport a lot of visual content on there. And what's so unfortunate is that so many women so many youth from inside and outside of the Muslim community don't realize that every image tells a story or depicts something and that different angles and different poses, different expressions actually give a nonverbal message to the viewer. So when girls and women put content out there or sending a boy that they like some photos or videos of themselves with different expressions

00:28:44--> 00:29:11

and different poses and different angles, it's actually giving a nonverbal message to the receiver. The image that you've got on the screen now it's telling us eight types of selfie faces, the duck face the kissy face and model pout squinch. Sparrow face, flirty, half smile brow too strong face Fishergate and you look at it and you'll be like, Oh, I've seen a lot of people doing like that angle, that same face. Look at how

00:29:12--> 00:29:52

sheepish we are as human beings we just mimic what we see. And when you see young girls you they know exactly what angle to turn their head to and what kind of expression to put on their faces. Like how do you guys know how to pout and do these head turns and they're only 1011 12 years old. Some of these girls knowing how to take some selfies and the expressions to put where to hold the camera high low. You know all these sorts of things panel that's with filters aside once upon a time filters didn't exist now you can add a filter and augment the way that you looks panela but you know we've got young people not even knowing what these angles, gestures and poses mean. And there's a

00:29:52--> 00:30:00

website called body language And it tells you what some of the different body language parts

00:30:00--> 00:30:29

poses and angles, say to the to the viewer, an example would be tilting their head sideways can be a sign of interest, which may be in what is said or happening. It can also be a flirting signal as it says, I'm interested in you. So if you look at some of these pictures, some of them their head is slightly turned sideways. It's like, oh, I'm, I'm looking at you, I don't know, it reminds me of like birds, you know, when birds kind of look at each other like that, or cats do it. It's my lovely just imitating the animal kingdom.

00:30:30--> 00:31:11

And, you know, the research shows that men and women can make themselves more appealing to the opposite sex by changing the way they angle their face. Women are more a little alluring, if they angle their head forward, so they have to look slightly upwards. So when we look, what is the angle of a selfie for girls, girls hold the phone up here. And men find those images with that angle is more attractive. And likewise, the opposite way men look more masculine, when they tilt their head back, and they look down and they take the photo from down here, from down here in front of them. This panel, this is like the signs of when you look at a man and a woman, when they stand facing

00:31:11--> 00:31:25

each other, the man is taller, and he's looking down at the woman. And the woman is shorter looking up at the men. So the photos are actually emulating, as if the person is there right in front of you at that same kind of height stance on a wall. So this is what the science is saying.

00:31:26--> 00:31:39

It's really, you know, just makes your mind thinks panela like we're doing stuff that has meaning and we don't even know it. So it's important to be aware of it and to educate ourselves and talk to our young people about it.

00:31:41--> 00:32:26

So I want to give you some tips for social media use to use it obviously beneficial way in a modest way, in a dignified way as a Muslim woman. And we know that every environment needs rules and think we need to think before we use any item or any resource or any type of anything that is a platform or a means of creating something good or we're throwing ourselves into a community we need to think before we use it, we should ask the advice of the scholars, what do they advise, you know, a lot of scholars don't say social media is haram. They just say you need to use it appropriately. We need to survive, we need to navigate, we need to utilize it correctly. And I listened to a talk by one chef

00:32:26--> 00:33:06

and he said that technology is like a knife. It's like a knife. It can be dangerous, it can be deadly, but it depends how you use it. If you use it to cut, you know your vegetables for your salad, it has a purpose and you're using it appropriately, it's effective, but it can be very dangerous if it is used irresponsibly and without thought. So tips of using social media number one, like we've mentioned your intention, why you want them What do you want to get out of it? Is it the best use of your time? What do you want to gain from it go into it consciously and think about you're very clear intention between you and Allah subhanaw taala. And like as Muslims we always have

00:33:06--> 00:33:21

our intention is the first point of where we where we operate from. So it's about checking in with yourself and asking yourself, Is this? Am I using this for the pleasure of Allah? subhanaw taala? Is it for the Dawa? Is it ultimately

00:33:22--> 00:33:55

something that I want to use to boost my email? Is it to help others is it to put positive content out there so check your intention before you start? Acknowledge and be aware of what a waste of time it potentially can be? My last one so ALLAH forgive and guide and protect all of us from wasting time. The average person will spend four years of their life looking at their phones, Pamela, that's, that's that's from a couple of years ago, by the way. So imagine it's probably five or six years now. The average person will spend that long looking down at their phone.

00:33:57--> 00:34:35

We don't realize that we need time for silence We need time for disconnect, we need time for reflection. We need time to engage deeply with the remembrance of Allah subhanaw taala we can't do that when we're constantly distracted by our phones, the prophets Allah Allah Allah Allah Islam said there are two blessings and many people waste health and free time, and that's recorded in Sahih Behati there are two blessings which many people waste, health and free time. And that was the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam saying that over 1400 years ago, imagine what he would say now about how we use our time. You know how much time we waste?

00:34:37--> 00:34:41

You know, browsing social media without an actual end goal or a point.

00:34:42--> 00:34:59

Watching TV, Netflix binges even this panel you know say that the Islamic programs that people are watching online they're like, but it's beneficial. I'm like yeah, Mashallah. It's beneficial, but it's a lot of hours of watching. Nice panel. My son said, you know, I need to start watching a certain series

00:35:00--> 00:35:35

He said it's very good. You learn Islamic history, this and that it's good reminders. I said, Okay, well, I've fallen behind because I didn't start with you and you watched it, how long will it take me to watch the first season, it's gonna take me like three 400 hours to catch up on. I said, I don't have that time to catch up. So you have to realize that it's one of the greatest blessings is our time, and we should want to use it carefully. It's also a distraction. And this is beautiful quote by Robin Sharma, whose leadership coach and he says an addiction to distraction is the death of your creative production.

00:35:37--> 00:36:14

And addiction to distraction is the death of your creative production. You cannot create beautiful and amazing and impactful things in your life and in this life. If you're addicted to being distracted by your device, it is a massive hurdle it is booby trap it is you know, like an ambush pit hole of, of chewing up big portions of your time in a non beneficial way. We also have to keep in mind privacy and honor. We don't need to put our whole lives onto social media, there are certain things which should remain private and sacred. There are certain things that people shouldn't know or see.

00:36:16--> 00:36:37

And we have to make sure that we use it within limits. Make sure that you hold on to the privacy and the honor of important parts of your life. Ask yourself who will see this picture. People don't realize they post something inappropriate and then someone screenshots it and then it gets shared and then it's saved on the internet forever. Even though you've changed your life you've repented, some content could still be out this panel.

00:36:39--> 00:37:14

You need to really realize and remember about the ethics of interaction, thinking about who you're talking to, is what you're saying with someone else backbiting are you casting judgment? Are you spreading rumors? Are you interacting inappropriately with the opposite gender? Are you not lowering your gaze? Are you looking at a lot of photos of people who are not your maharam? Are you putting up or looking at provocative pictures? Are you looking at content that has nothing to do with you it's of no concern. And some people you know the way social media is it is it's like a rabbit hole. You click one thing Oh mashallah, that's a good quote. And then you click on someone who commented on

00:37:14--> 00:37:30

that takes you to their account which takes you to their pictures which takes you to their friends and then someone else and before you know, you're like, I don't even know how I got here. And half an hour 45 minutes has passed by and you don't even know what you were doing for that whole time. It was just non beneficial rabbit tunnel.

00:37:32--> 00:38:05

Also, yeah, the topic of you know, exposing yourself to what doesn't concern you. We know that the Hadith mean Hosni Islam, Ilmar, eater, Kumala, Yanni, part of someone's being a good Muslim, is leaving alone that which does not concern him. If it doesn't concern you, you shouldn't care about if you don't know the person, or they don't have something beneficial to teach, you don't bother looking at what they're doing and what they're eating for breakfast and what they're wearing and who they know and all of that, Okay, stay to your relevant networks as much as possible or to beneficial networks,

00:38:06--> 00:38:31

dress code and beautification, anything you put out there online, ask yourself is this as modest as I can be? Is this permissible to Allah subhanaw taala is this as am I excessively beautified unnecessarily beautified in this image, or in this video, or whatever it is, if you're putting out visual content, just check in with yourself. Make sure your conscience is clear with Allah subhanaw taala if you decide to do that,

00:38:33--> 00:39:16

be aware that it's no joke if ally jealousy envy, these things can impact us and they can make us ill and they can cause us harm. If you are going to be out there, you best make sure you are reading your daily have car morning and evening and even after every Salah to read your protection or ours to protect you from any type of calamity that might come whether the person intended or not from the effects of evil eye jealousy and envy. And you might put up a photo of your morning toast on a dining table and someone's jealous that you have nice plates or someone thinks or you've got a nice dining table or they can see the pot plant in the background and they like your pot plant. silly

00:39:16--> 00:39:33

things like that when a lot can cause the evil eye to take effect. So it's not about us being overly paranoid or scared about the evil eye but it is about you making sure you keep your protection up with always turning to Allah subhanaw taala for his protection and his guidance.

00:39:37--> 00:39:59

Another thing on social media that we're at risk of is egotism, knifes showing off narcissism. So this can happen very easily becoming obsessed with the self and how does that happen? Through the impact and the effects and the attention that you get from online content. When you put out a photo or you write something people go mashallah, wow, that was amazing. We said and you're amazing and you're looking

00:40:00--> 00:40:42

Amazing and those shoes are amazing. And then slowly pride arrogance can you know showing off egotism narcissism can enter into your heart because obviously shaitan is going to find anyway and and if he knows that you feed off compliments and attention from people, he will blow that up and make that beautiful to you and beautified to you until it destroys you. So be aware that if you are starting to have an eager to stick connection or your nafs is fed, or you feel like you enjoy the element of showing off, or being obsessed with this of constantly looking and re looking back at the photos you've put up and whether you That photo was good enough and all these sorts of things. If

00:40:42--> 00:40:47

that creeps in then your best to keep yourself in check in sha Allah, may Allah protect us.

00:40:48--> 00:41:05

Online debating and conflict What a waste of times panela is not the time or place for you know, and often people end up saying things that they regret they end up in distress state they end up in anxiety and anger and hatred and negative

00:41:07--> 00:41:44

thoughts and feelings about other people about fellow Muslims that they've never even met because they debated about a simple topic. How about we concentrate on what needs to be done in our real life as opposed to wasting and spending time debating and arguing on online platforms panel? It's not the time for it. It's another story if you're defending Islam, if you're giving Dawa, but at the same time even that can go overboard where you're debating and arguing with people and getting yourself worked up and upset with people who are professional expert online trolls and debaters and they do it for fun. And they're just copy pasting probably nasty quotes and comments anyway. So make

00:41:44--> 00:41:53

sure you keep your space, your mental, emotional, spiritual space sacred. You don't need to give that and put that everywhere for it to get run over us on alarm.

00:41:54--> 00:42:17

We also need to be aware that we're losing our presence in the moment how many times have we seen small children say to their mothers, you're not looking at me, you're not listening to me. You're always on your phone, get off your phone. You know, if you hear these things from your child take it seriously because they're not exaggerating. They mean they are craving for your attention. They're craving for your

00:42:18--> 00:42:57

engaged eye contact for you to come down to their level for you to actually hear and see what it is that they're doing or creating or talking about or reading. Don't destroy their childhood experience because of excessive social media use you also lose presence in the moment with your family members, your brothers, your sisters, your attention with your parents, your attention with your friends, even you go out for dinner and everyone's on their phone they should be a rule no phones at a meal table. You know put all the devices away we need to connect properly as human beings on a lot. Also marriages and relationships there's no connection our or talking or bonding with each other because

00:42:57--> 00:42:59

they're distracted by their devices.

00:43:01--> 00:43:27

Make sure that if you are sharing things shared beneficial content, keep it beneficial. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you say share something may be funny or a bit light hearted at times of course you know within reason. But share beneficial things called others to Allah subhanaw taala or to good morals or to good stories. Don't always share bad news. Of course, we want people to be aware of what's happening in the world. But that doesn't mean we only share negative or toxic content.

00:43:28--> 00:43:31

Focus on data and community connection.

00:43:32--> 00:44:12

Add positivity not hate. Avoid browsing useless or inappropriate things as we mentioned before, and clean up your newsfeed anytime you see something on the newsfeed that you don't want to see or know you shouldn't see. Press unfollow, like get it off. So that your newsfeed you open it up and it's beautiful Islamic reminders. It's uplifting people it's positivity, your Eman is boosted through looking at a news feed and not the opposite. You are in ways in control of that apart from the compulsory ads that might kind of sneak in every now and then but you are ultimately responsible for it. So don't use social media to impress people use it to impact people.

00:44:14--> 00:44:59

And this is how I find this is what I normally use at the start of the workshop and then I close with it at the end, where the last one silences all the biller in a shape on the regime's Mina Rahmani Raheem. will spit in a second I leadin their own robber whom below that oddity. Well, Laci Yuri do and I watched her while Tara do Aina and home Tori those Xena tell hayati duniya wala to their men Oh fun kaliba Who and they Karina what other I Hawa who I can rattle off. Last month, Allah says and keep yourself patient with those who call upon their Lord in the morning in the evening seeking His countenance let him

00:45:00--> 00:45:21

Got your eyes passed beyond them desiring a dominance of the worldly life and do not have a one whose heart, we made heed this of our remembrance and who follows His desire, and whose affair is ever in neglect. Now we can use this idea to apply in our living lives, our daily lives, with who we keep around us and the company that we keep.

00:45:22--> 00:46:02

Always keep our company and be patient with people who call on Allah in the morning and evening. And then, you know, not to keep company with people who only want the dunya people whose hearts to hear this, but I want you to apply this to the online world as well. Be patient with good people and good content online. If you can even avoid social media, avoid it. And stay with the good people in your physical community. Don't follow and and look over the Islamic reminders, Islamic chefs and speakers and remark, you know, reminder pages, don't overlook that and then add to your social media accounts, the people who are chasing the dunya the people who are after the worldly things and

00:46:02--> 00:46:44

adorning themselves and exposing themselves and sharing only makeup and clothes and fashion and cars and money and houses. Don't focus on that and have your news feed full of that so that you end up wanting those same things, clean those things off, and look for people and connections who are calling you to the pleasure of Allah subhanaw taala. The third point we need to speed up a little bit, I think is the power of Eman in tackling anxiety and depression. So obviously if you've gone through heartbreak if you've gone through, you know, a relationship which didn't work out that you were hoping would work out, there was an engagement and it broke up you engaged in a maybe a haram

00:46:44--> 00:46:52

relationship with someone at your college or community, and then you ended up heartbroken or deceived or disappointed.

00:46:53--> 00:47:35

Likely, you can fall into a state of anxiety and depression. Heartbreak often results in anxiety and depression, experiencing grief and sadness and these sorts of things. But even Okay, in Rahimullah, he stated that when we are tested, we have two options. There's only two options when you're tested. Number one is to be patient. Number two is to not be patient. It's up to you and Allah so you can be patient and stay focused on the bigger picture. Stay focused on the future that does lie ahead of you because you now can no longer change the past. Or you can not be patient you can resist you can increase the turmoil of the emotional pain you might be experiencing. You can Band Aid it through

00:47:35--> 00:47:41

doing negative things or putting yourself in negative environments or trying to escape through further sins.

00:47:42--> 00:48:12

You have a choice, you always have a choice with how you deal with things with how you see things, how you accept or reject your circumstances which are lost planet Allah has decreed. So how can we have more patience and increase resilience? So when we have patients and we increase in resilience, it can help to combat anxiety or depression. And if these are medical conditions that you haven't been diagnosed with, always take advice from your doctor and your medical experts. Okay, so we don't want to kind of

00:48:14--> 00:48:35

what's the word we don't want to negate the diagnoses of anxiety and depression conditions that some people might have? But in general, when you're faced with a test or a hardship or a heartbreak, how can you have more patience and increased resilience so that your Eman gets nurtured and even strengthened through your testing situation?

00:48:37--> 00:48:41

Even Alka yam gives us 10 ways to deal with these tests.

00:48:43--> 00:49:22

honor these are not even a claim. I think he just mentioned those two options. So here are some ways to have more patience is number one to read and listen to the Quran because they can give contentment Okay, so if you listen to the Quran, you use that to like comfort and you know how many times that you might have a high level of anxiety feeling overwhelmed, you recite Quran nice and you know, read it loudly and do it in a slow pace with deep breathing and you'll find it will absolutely inshallah Darla calm me down even listening to what can help as well. Always make dua when you're tested with something with a hardship or a heartbreak turn to Allah subhanaw taala when you're at

00:49:22--> 00:49:59

your lowest point, you're the closest to putting your head on the ground and to raise your hands to Allah subhanaw taala and ask him for his help and assistance and comfort. Always try to have gratitude, you know, have gratitude. Having gratitude helps to put your tests into the perspective of the bigger picture in life that things could be so much worse I can get through this Alhamdulillah I still have my health I still have my family. I still have my future and my opportunity is just one part of my life has pain or heartbreak or loss. So remember, you still have all the other parts of your life panela so be grateful for that and shift your focus over

00:50:00--> 00:50:36

I reflect on others and what others are going through, think about what others in the Ummah are suffering under are people in your community who are living through hell and torment within their lives through whatever tests Allah Subhana Allah is giving them the prophets of the past what have they gone through is panela you absolutely can get through any test that you are faced with and everyone is tested in different ways. And you will get through it it will not remain the same the darkness will not continue your entire life there will be time where you know the sun will rise again if you want to put it that way there will be light and there will be joy again inshallah to

00:50:36--> 00:50:37

Allah in the future.

00:50:38--> 00:51:22

And that brings us to nothing lasts forever. Nothing in the world lasts forever. And it was meant to Allah promises us that with every hardship comes ease. So every hardship situation that you have the time of ease is, is coming closer. So as dark and as difficult as days might be, we always have hope of better days that are lying ahead for us. Remember that we are never overburdened Allah Subhana Allah does not burden a soul beyond what it can bear. Now you can live for long enough sin Illa Musa, Allah has confidence in us. He's like, I know you got this, I know you can carry this weight, this test this hardship is suffering this sadness, this grief, I'm giving it to you because I know

00:51:22--> 00:51:33

you can handle it. So when you're going through it, you might not feel so good when you're in it. But you know, I can carry this because Allah granted it to me. And he knows I have it in me to get through it, I can carry this.

00:51:35--> 00:52:09

Also, it's a time for Maha Sabha self assessment. These tests are times for you to check in with yourself, how can you improve your condition? How can you do better next time? Are there any habits or characteristics that you need to change within yourself so that you don't fall into this same test and hardship again. And a lot of the time ultimate Allah will test us until we reform ourselves until we improve ourselves. This is one of the great purposes of tests. Remember to deal with your test one step at a time, one day at a time, one moment at a time, one tear at a time if it needs to be

00:52:10--> 00:52:49

you know, if you have a long term test, just take it, you know, be patient don't think about patients for 10 years of that test or the rest of your life for that condition that you've been burdened with, or for the next 234 or five years. Just remember you just have to be patient today. Just today you have to be patient and then you sleep you wake up tomorrow and you start again you try to be patient for that day. So don't think about the long run over the long haul. Number nine, the ninth one is to trust in Allah subhanaw taala This is essential with increasing impatience and resilience. You have to trust in Allah subhanaw taala you have to lean on him. The test is here you

00:52:49--> 00:53:11

can't you can't change that the test is here. But you can trust that Allah has a plan for this test. He has a plan for you. He has wisdom in it you can do this you can find the goodness in it you will take lessons from it just trust Allah subhanaw taala and of course strengthen your Salah allotments Allah says

00:53:13--> 00:53:54

is it was done in OB slavery was salah, seek help in patients and prayer. This is how we get our help through being patient and to turn to Allah subhanaw taala in prayer prayer is a great source of strengthening and resolve and focus and grounding and balance for you to get through your tests in sha Allah Tala the final points to close in sha Allah the secrets to being a successful Muslim, I wish I had all the secrets I wish I was, could sit here and say I'm a successful Muslim, I am not, I'm in the journey with each and every one of you. And likely many of you are much, far better than me in your ability to be a successful Muslim and your implementation of being a successful Muslim.

00:53:54--> 00:54:36

But I can share with you what I think about and what I strive to do. And what I tried to teach other sisters in a few points that we could perhaps take away is to always be someone who takes action. So if you want to say you want to be a successful Muslim, I don't sit back and dream about it and think about it and wish for it take action to actually do it to be a successful muslim or you have to be on the path of becoming a successful Muslim. So that means you have to take action, you have to take steps you have to set goals. You have to implement the goals. You have to put yourself forward. You have to be brave. You have to implement the things that you learn, you have to evolve you have to

00:54:36--> 00:54:48

change you have to reach out connect you have to take action. If you want to be any type of success in this life. We don't become the best you know people by wishing that we were

00:54:49--> 00:54:59

always making dua if you want to be successful, you have to ask Allah subhanaw taala to back you, to support you to guide you to strengthen you know success.

00:55:00--> 00:55:17

comes except through the tofield and the permission of Allah subhanaw taala. So making dua is always you know whispering to yourself your Allah helped me to Allah guide me yeah Allah strengthen me Allah grant me success in dunya and akhira, always making dua to Allah subhanaw taala and calling on him.

00:55:19--> 00:56:03

Remember to make small changes and improvements. So it's not about big leaps. It's not about big, successful milestones. It's about little things that you're doing moment to moment, day by day. It's about changing gradually. It's about implementing good habits gradually. And over time. Imagine what you know you can become imagine the success you can create. When you look at mountains all mountain start off with, you know, one small stone, a mountain is just a pile of stones. So every little change you make is adding to the mountain inshallah Allah will be your life. Be consistent. Don't be a stop stop person. Don't be motivated and demotivated try to keep a steady pace, be consistent and

00:56:03--> 00:56:28

committed and discipline Aldine teaches us through our routine acts through our Salah through our daily sunnah through our car, we have habits which are there to train us to be consistent people that train us to be disciplined people. Why is it then that we aren't consistent or disciplined when we have it in our teachings and in our Islamic lifestyle?

00:56:29--> 00:57:05

You also want to stay focused. And this count is what we learned in the social media about the distraction. You need to be focused. What do you want? How are you going to make it happen? Do you expect more from yourself? Do you want to become the best version of you? If that's what you say you want you want to be a successful Muslim, then you have to stay focused on that goal and objective and do what requires to get there. Don't get distracted by what everyone's doing. Don't get distracted by the social life. Don't get distracted by your dunya pursuits. Don't get distracted by the drama in relationships, stay focused on what it is you're here to do for Allah subhanaw taala

00:57:05--> 00:57:07

and make it happen.

00:57:08--> 00:57:15

So if you want to go on the journey of Eman, you need to have these four qualities which great advices

00:57:21--> 00:57:25

and once microphone has come on, sorry, sisters, just go ahead.

00:57:27--> 00:57:52

Love it when that happens. It does happen sometime. So if you want to go on the journey of a man you have to have the following four qualities number one is to busy your tongue and heart with the remembrance of Allah. And that's how you get focus. Because if your tongue and heart is not busy with the remembrance of Allah then you will get caught up in the dunya you might fall into sin you might be led astray, you might fall into love will like empty talk, loved one.

00:57:53--> 00:58:21

You don't want to be distracted from your journey you don't want to fall into time wasting to keep your tongue and heart busy with the remembrance of Allah subhanaw taala and this will constantly work on maintain and build your image and make sure you hold tight your heart to Allah subhanaw taala which means you check your actions all the time is this pleasing to Allah? Is what I'm wearing today pleasing to Allah is that photo I'm about to put up pleasing to Allah subhanaw taala is what I'm about to do.

00:58:23--> 00:59:02

of some kind of effort or some kind of interaction some kind of outing is it pleasing to Allah subhanaw taala just checking your heart in in with allotments Allah all the time. Another point is to do the opposite of what your knifes your carnal instincts want to enough's is one of our greatest challenges and enemies and obstacles in life. Right now, especially now what you guys are experiencing in your schools and colleges there with the temptation with the opposite gender, as much as you want to go and approach and be alone with that guy or have you know start to engage in a relationship with Him do the opposite of that pull the other way distract yourself with goodness,

00:59:02--> 00:59:49

keep yourself busy. Remember, your bigger objectives and goals for yourself and your life and stay strong and have strong resolve. And another point is always purify the near intention all the time. Even if you started off doing something good with a good intention and you think oh that should carry out I had a good intention at the start. We want to have a good intention that is renewed constantly. So all the time Why am I doing this Have I lost myself have I lost my focus and my intention my pure intention that I started off with has a my has showing off crept in has the desire for approval of others Krypton has fame and love of fame crept in. Has my have my my lusts and

00:59:49--> 00:59:59

desires now taken over the good intention that I had at the start of this relationship or this situation? So purifying your near all the time until your last breath needs

01:00:00--> 01:00:38

double check, triple check your intention behind what you're doing. So to close a couple of quotes to remind us, one of the biggest parts of you know becoming a successful Muslim, is we need to have a strong identity and that's my area of specialty that I work with with sisters and youth. We focus on establishing a strong sense of Islamic identity which then gives us confidence to strive and work for success in this life and the next brother David McClung, he says, Islamic identity is your utmost possession. It's the only identification that matters on the Day of Judgment. It is your faith, your religion, your moral values and your whole life. This identity is the one that makes you

01:00:38--> 01:01:13

recognize Allah as the one and only God of this universe. This identity is the one that makes you wake up before sunrise and pray to Allah. This identity is the one that makes you kind, sincere, responsible and thoughtful when you deal with people. This identity is the one that forbids you to lie, cheat, steal, gamble and engage in any immoral behavior. This identity is the one that makes you realize and understand that Islam is a way of life. This identity is the one that makes you a good human being. Because a good Muslim is a good human being.

01:01:14--> 01:01:35

So what is our utmost position, our most value prized position is your Islamic identity, with what you choose to do and not do when you're alone, or when you're with that other person that you really like or when you are out in the world or when you're on your social media. If you're you know if you want to do and make the right choices, remember that you are

01:01:36--> 01:01:59

either violating or supporting your Islamic identity. You're either strengthening or you're breaking down your Islamic identity that is where your honor and integrity and relationship with Allah subhanaw taala lies how strongly you feel about your deen about being a Muslim about identifying as a Muslim and standing up for certain morals and values for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala

01:02:00--> 01:02:45

and finally, we always need to remember this beautiful dial where we're told to say call in a Salah T one new Sookie wanna hear ya wanna Marathi Lillahi Rabbil Alameen say truly my prayer, my sacrifice my living and my dying for Allah the Lord of the Worlds. No partner has he this I am commanded and I am the first of those who submitted his will. Being a Muslim literally means one who submits. And in a more detailed definition one who submits to the will and commands of Allah subhanaw taala so as you navigate through your life and temptations and the struggles of being a young Muslim in this difficult challenging time in this modern world, remember that your prayer your

01:02:45--> 01:03:25

sacrifice your living your dying is for Allah the Lord of the Worlds do as you're commanded. Abstain from what you're forbidden from and remain true to Allah subhanaw taala because ultimately each and every one of us will stand alone and answer to him does not allow Hi Ron My dear sisters are being a wonderful audience and I hope inshallah you have gained some benefit perhaps a little bit of benefit and perhaps great benefit but at least maybe one gem that you will take away and I pray that you will inshallah to Allah share it with others so it can be a sadaqa jariya for yourself for me for all of us. So that you can be a source of reward because this deen is all about reminding others and

01:03:25--> 01:03:53

goodness comes from being reminded sometimes that's all a person takes a very short loving well intended reminder and they'll see how and they could perhaps Inshallah, to Allah change their lives leave sins and come back to Allah subhanaw taala is up along Clarence panicle locomobi Hamdi Subhanak Allahumma will be Handicare a shadow Allah Illa Illa and Anastasia ricotta. We like Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

01:03:55--> 01:04:32

La Liga, to Allah, masha Allah, Allah Hi assisted Croatia. The session was mind blowing, heart wrenching and thought provoking. I firmly believe in hope that we all will get the reward and benefits from this soulful session. May Allah blesses and Grinders Jana Amin, your sisters next we have the question answer session. It's a time for asking your questions and doubts regarding the topic. Please direct your messages towards me at Ben Kabir. Alright, I received some of your questions. Man, let me read the first question.

01:04:38--> 01:04:43

Man, let me read the first question for you. Yes, go for insha Allah. Okay.

01:04:47--> 01:05:00

Oh, the question is if we are in Haram relationships, but we broke for sake of Allah realizing that it is haram Is it permissible for that man to ask my volley and bury if my

01:05:00--> 01:05:01

Emily's willing,

01:05:02--> 01:05:04

can you repeat that against the star?

01:05:05--> 01:05:45

Okay, if we are in Haram relations, kinship, but we block for the sake of Allah realizing that it is haram, is it permissible for that man to ask my family and marry if my family is willing? Or Yeah, absolutely. You know, you've Insha Allah, you've broken the Haram relationship for the sake of Allah smart Allah Insha Allah, they have, you know, the person has repented, they both repented. And now they want to do it the right way. This is what we ultimately want. It doesn't mean now to come and ask for you know, her hand is shameful or impermissible, absolutely now open a door for the halal pathway and make every attempt to do things in the halal way, but again, do not become attached

01:05:45--> 01:05:59

unnecessarily. In case it doesn't work out. So I think definitely, if you still like each other, you still have an intention and a desire to continue the courting process in a halal way. Then do that in sha Allah

01:06:00--> 01:06:16

does Aquila hire sister? And the next question is, if we are interested to marry one of our friend, and can marry only after few years, how to go about that relationship? Should we end that and stay disconnected to the time?

01:06:17--> 01:06:59

Yes. So in that instance, if you know that it's something you want in the future, and not yet, then it means that it can't be anything more than an intention to want to marry and get to know each other deeper in the future. Maintain maintaining, you know, a one two year friendship or close bond with an intention to marry it has massive risks, because we know the nature between males and females, especially if you know you're definitely keen on each other and interested in each other, then there's great potential for how long to take place. So definitely avoid each other as much as possible. But if you feel you're unable to avoid, you might need to bring forward the date or the

01:06:59--> 01:07:15

intention of when you want to marry sooner to protect both of your chastity. So remember, this is where we have to now not make hardship where it's going to put us in fitna and potential sin. So we have to navigate it very carefully.

01:07:16--> 01:07:18

All right, does that lie? The

01:07:20--> 01:07:25

next question is can I tell about my ex relationship to my husband?

01:07:26--> 01:08:03

That's something that you and it's often advised not to, because it can change the way that your spouse feels about you. Some relationships, they say, No, we are very open, we tell each other we don't get jealous or Long Island that's up to them. But generally, it's advised because it's not now relevant to your current relationship. There's nothing that needs to be known. If you think that there's nothing that needs to be known. It's just a sharing of, you know, maybe someone used to like and what you know, that interaction was like it's, it's better not to plant those seeds of jealousy about something which is no longer happening and was before your relationship now. So

01:08:05--> 01:08:18

yeah, advice would be not to share unless you have the type of dynamic and relationship of security and openness to share those things. But, again, if there's no benefit, don't don't say it. Along those

01:08:19--> 01:08:26

lines. Moving to the next question, how much can I socialize with opposite gender without singing?

01:08:27--> 01:08:49

How much can you socialize, you can socialize so long as you're not alone with the opposite gender, and you can socialize? It's not so much socializing, it should be that you interact with opposite gender for a reason or an objective or to bring about some kind of benefit only because there is that natural inclination that you will be drawn to each other in attraction.

01:08:50--> 01:09:02

Even if you think no, never look at that at him that way, it's not that way. You don't know if that person might have a romantic or sexual feelings towards you, you can't control that you can't

01:09:03--> 01:09:09

you can't be the judge of that. So it's always best to minimize as much as possible.

01:09:10--> 01:09:13

Especially not being alone or in seclusion.

01:09:15--> 01:09:35

And yet, being very cautious being very cautious as we are our Dean teaches us not to be loose in social interactions with the opposite gender. We don't have like guy friends and then hanging out, you know, go for, you know, social interactions without some kind of benefit with girlfriends. That's not our our way.

01:09:37--> 01:09:55

Okay, does that Kamala Hi, sister. The next question is, many sisters in our community who seems to be good in their beliefs and practices fall short when it comes to heat up how to overcome this internal drive of looking down at his job so as to become modern.

01:09:57--> 01:10:00

This is the challenge that we have now you know, we see

01:10:00--> 01:10:45

Sisters mashallah to Baraka they are sincere to Allah subhanaw taala. They love Allah subhanaw taala they believe in Aclara. They believe in the pillars of Islam, the pillars of the articles of Eman, the sincerity is there. The desire for Jana is there, the fear of the Hellfire is there, but there is an element of doubt or disregard about the relevance and the importance of the hijab. And when we look traditionally at all, you know, most, if not all of the different faiths, this element of modesty and of covering of the hair, and covering of the neck, is you know, it's almost universal, that for women, this is a great source of beauty and attraction. So to cover it up for the sake of

01:10:45--> 01:11:29

Allah subhanaw taala is something to be respected and revered and admired. So even if a sister doesn't wear the hijab, yet, at the moment, she should never speak negatively about it or put down someone who does wear it. You know, in my example, I don't wear the niqab, but I absolutely adore admire and love my Sisters in Islam who wear the niqab, who put themselves in extra challenge and hardship out of their love for Allah subhanaw taala and they actually do us sisters, a favor their fellow sisters a favor because when our husbands go out, there's one less woman beauty to see panela she's done that for us. She's gifted us that more security that our husbands you know, don't have to

01:11:29--> 01:12:11

see her beauty. So, sisters who wear hijab is something to be admired, that she's a visual representation of the deen, we should we should want that for ourselves. If we ever could have that strength to wear hijab or wear a more modest hijab or wear a niqab like we should admire this level of modesty and not talk down to it or be negative about it. And not to have this connotation at all. But we're in modern times now we're in the modern world, look at what the modern world has done through the physical exploitation of women, how are women depicted through us utilizing their bodies, how are they used, how are they objectified? in different industries and movie industry, the

01:12:11--> 01:12:57

music industry, the pornography industry, the advertising industries, all of these industries exploiting the body of the woman. So the hijab is a means of saying we are taking our power back we are taking our dignity back we are not to be used as toys for the consumption of men or the consumption of the capitalist or the consumption of the public eye. So hijab is is like your shield, it's your sword, it's everything to protect us panelizer as a woman, so it's about coming back to that perspective or realizing what it is and what it does in bringing true empowerment, respect and honor back to women. And you know how many revert sisters that I've met here in Australia who they

01:12:57--> 01:13:32

were like, they you know, they used to wear only t shirt and jeans it's a very like cultural thing like they used to wear only t shirt and jeans and they thought I didn't even know how I'm going to wear a skirt. Some of these ladies they converted to Islam in their mid 40s They lived half a lifetime in a you know the in an Islamic way of wearing whatever you want to wear. And they thought you know, I'm converting to Islam. I don't know how I'm going to do this skirt and covered up we're going to be so hot and uncomfortable. And now after time and gradual, you know training gradual getting used to the Islamic hijab, I see these women, they're in a baya and hijab beautifully, and

01:13:32--> 01:14:13

they're like, I love wearing this, I've never felt so protected. And I've never felt felt so feminine. This is a big one that they said, I've never felt so feminine. And they said how they used to dress was to kind of prove their strength, like they would be, you know, they would wear the jeans to feel more masculine and more respected in the workplace and more respected by men. And now they realize that Islam, the modesty that we're able to dress in, allows them makes them feel more feminine, and that their confidence comes through embracing their femininity, that your empowerment isn't from becoming more like a man. It's about being comfortable and confident and loving the fact

01:14:13--> 01:14:53

that you are a woman and that you want to wear dressy flowy clothes and be like a lady. So Subhanallah there's, you know, our minds, our our psyches have been infiltrated. We have been brainwashed and influenced to a certain extent that we need to kind of realize we need to backpedal and say Where did our minds and the messages that came into our minds where did it get distorted? Where the concept of what it means to be a woman what it means to be liberated and empowered. When did that become distorted? And whose voice of distortion has entered into my natural fitrah from Allah subhanaw taala which even you see children as they grow up, they will reach an age where they

01:14:53--> 01:14:59

will do what from being a baby who will lay and you can dress them and they're naked to a child who say

01:15:00--> 01:15:23

Ah, don't look, by nature. That's a no no, you can't come in when I get changed the fitrah is they get to an age of awareness where they want to close their body and cover their body, from the eyes of others. And then what happens? Why does society teaches that now you're a little girls, you've become a woman now take it off and expose where the bikini is where this where that in public

01:15:24--> 01:15:28

are taking us away from our fitrah. And Allah Subhana Allah knows best.

01:15:29--> 01:15:41

Which is the highest system moving towards the next question, what Islam really says about masturbation and how can I control my emotions? Masturbation?

01:15:42--> 01:15:42


01:15:43--> 01:15:54

Yeah, so the issue of masturbation is, you know, it's a, it's people do it to satisfy their lustful desires.

01:15:55--> 01:16:10

And the issue with doing it outside, you know, of, you know, an intimate interaction, maybe a spouse's, where it can be permissible between the spouses. But to do it on your own, there are issues with it escalating, becoming an addiction.

01:16:11--> 01:16:59

The Scholars say it's impermissible. It's only allowed if it is going to prevent the person from falling into sin or falling into Zina. So, as Muslims, we don't just indulge in what when we feel a desire as Muslims, we're always, you know, people who have that self control, that discipline that training to I want to do this, I want to have that I want to look at that. But I won't. I want to eat that. I want to indulge in that. But I won't. Why for fear of Allah subhanaw taala. And because this might lead to my detriment. With masturbation, it can escalate, it can become addictive, it can lead to the viewing of pornography, which you know, it's kind of like work within the AWARE program

01:16:59--> 01:17:14

with Jehovah Abraham. And there are sisters who you know, are addicted to pornography and masturbation, they kind of end up going hand in hand. So as much as possible assistance should avoid it unless she is at risk or temptation or falling into,

01:17:15--> 01:17:24

you know, illicit relationship or haram relationship with opposite gender. Was that just was that the whole question? Was there a second part to it?

01:17:27--> 01:17:35

Okay, the next question is, is posting fully covered photos in social media halal? Is it okay to wear jeans.

01:17:36--> 01:17:38

And it's okay to wear jeans. So jeans.

01:17:39--> 01:17:47

You know, the, if the jeans are obviously if they're very tight, and they show the shape of the body or the bottom or the hips, then it's not permissible.

01:17:49--> 01:18:15

How you then choose to wear your Islamic hijab and you define that, you want to make sure that it meets the criteria of what hijab must meet, which is the eight criteria, every Muslim woman should know what the scholars have explained as being the eight criteria of what a hijab should be that it is not tight, that it is not transparent, that it is not overly decorated, that it is not, you know, perfumed or imitating the dress of men and these sorts of things. So,

01:18:16--> 01:18:54

you know, sometimes you see a sister, she's wearing extremely loose jeans, but her top is very long, so there's no shape of her body or her legs. In that case, maybe Allahu Allah, that that outfit fulfills the requirements of the hijab. So I don't want to give, you know, a blanket viewpoint, you have to make sure that you know the conditions of hijab, and you check each outfit and see doesn't meet these conditions. And then you answer to Allah subhanaw taala. The other question about social media and posting photos with a hijab with social media, there's always risk with that, you know, a lot of scholars would advise not to, there's no need, it's not necessary, especially if it can be

01:18:54--> 01:19:09

viewed with the wider public or the opposite gender. If there is a need for, for example, you're a doctor and you're going to speak at a seminar and people want to know who you are what you look like to understand. This is the doctor and we trust that doctor and they give a description.

01:19:10--> 01:19:50

Aloha alum, in some cases, it might be permissible, just the way like a passport photo is permissible. But again, what's the reason behind it? Is there benefit behind it? It would always be advisable just to maintain your privacy, maintain your modesty. And don't put you know, any any photos out there, if you can, I used to ascribe to that personally, and you know, and then because of different community work my my image, you know, became on on public platforms, which do I don't I don't like it. I'm not comfortable with that. I wish I didn't have to visually be on public cloud platforms, but I had to in order to teach. So again, it's not a blanket black and white rolling. But

01:19:50--> 01:19:59

if you are going to put things out what are you wearing? How are you posing? You're wearing makeup? Are you putting that photo to a lower attention or to look a certain

01:20:00--> 01:20:08

way, this is what we have to check in with ourselves and our intentions and always remember we're going to be accountable to Allah subhanaw taala may last with Allah guide us

01:20:12--> 01:20:38

does that Gula Hi sister Subhanallah the questions are falling down. So it is said that due to the lack of time we can't answer for all of your questions. Hopefully we will conduct another session so you will get answers for your questions inshallah. So, it's a time to wind up our session, so I cordially invite Miss phocoena to deliver water of tanks

01:20:46--> 01:20:51

Hello, nullable sister, Alicia Bennett and our distinguished invitees.

01:20:52--> 01:21:27

I greet you with the Islamic salutation a Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. May the peace and blessing of Almighty Allah be with you. It is my privilege and honor to have been called upon to express our gratitude through a vote of thanks on this historic occasion. I wish to express my gratitude to cut cystic Alicia Bennett, who made this occasion indelible with the her company's stock, I extend a heartfelt thanks for your guidance, we must mention our deep sense of gratitude to all who have in spite of their personal commitments grabbed priority to this event.

01:21:28--> 01:22:10

We have been fortunate though to be backed by a very motivated and dedicated team Alhamdulillah who work result oriented Lee, we cannot forget the officials. My word of thanks wouldn't be complete without paying a special tribute to the media person. Reena TV and digital hub. I cannot thank everyone enough for the involvement and the willingness to take on the completion of tasks beyond their comfort zones. I might have failed to make mention of the names of people whose cooperation and support were obtained by us to make this event successful. Please be here with me and accept my sincere thanks. And apologies for any shortcomings. Last but not the least. I would like to thank in

01:22:10--> 01:22:26

general and I hope you all will be there for the prof con on 10th 11th and 12th of July to the to the center anti Shah the sakura higher may the Almighty get all office in the right path as salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato wabarakatuh