Bilal Philips – Muslim Family In A Non-Muslim Society Part 2

Bilal Philips
AI: Summary © The speakers discuss the negative effects of taking medication that can kill a person and the potential harm it could cause. They suggest addressing psychological problems and finding solutions to them. The importance of learning Islam to understand it better and finding ways to grow in their faith is emphasized. The speakers also emphasize the importance of maintaining healthy relationships and avoiding sexual embarrassment in Islam. They stress the need for individuals to have a similar standard for their first marriage and their second one, and emphasize the importance of avoiding problems in relationships.
AI: Transcript ©
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cake poison,

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knowing that it can kill him sometime in the future

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but stopped before it actually killed him

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or he dies from some other way. He still in sin from taking that poison.

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The issue is not whether you die immediately, but by taking something that you know is harmful to you.

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damaging your body.

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not allow

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shifting the seats around in your mouth

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is nothing dentistry.

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shifting the teeth around in your mouth for cosmetic purposes. This is not allowed.

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If it is because you're not you don't have a proper bite and it's wearing away of teeth. It's also for correcting something that's okay. But if it's just the person comes in and says, You know, I like a space between my teeth. You know, I think it looks nicer. No, you're not allowed to do this

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is not allowed.

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So, certain, you know, accidents involve damaging harm in the body, you know, you know, breast implants,

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things like this. It's not permissible.

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Think about tobacco leads to cancer, the cancer of the throat cancer of the liver and

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the heart No, no,

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no, no, no, it doesn't produce heart disease in and of itself

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make a distinction between halau things which are taken in excess

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okay halau things which are taken in excess, they can produce harm

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and to take them in excess, knowing they can produce harm is haram, this is wrong,

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because you are acting in a way which will hurt your body.

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the substance in of itself, whether it is you know, fat, or fried foods such as these, whenever harmful to the people of the past.

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They were harmful to people today, right? Because one they eat in excess. People then eat more moderately eating in excess. And their lives or sedentary lives are just sitting in front of the television, couch potatoes, no no activity in their life. So when you don't have any activity which breaks down you know, these, then these things can become harmful to you. So, it is the lifestyle and the doctors will tell you it is not the food itself which is normal, it is the lifestyle which then makes that food harmful to you. So the difference between you know the halau halau things can be haram when there are tickets to access and they can be harmful to us making it haram within

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yourself. Also housing for a given individual may be Haram. If for example, you are a diabetic, and the doctor instructs you that if you take more than so much sugar, it will cause you to become comatose and you can die from for you to take more than that amount. Because Because you're taking something that you know can kill you.

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So in that circumstance, sugar

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sweet knowingly,

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then it is an act of suicide.

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And suicide in Islam is

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one of the things

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there's a few problems that are

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unique to our problems in this community. One of the things that comes to mind or treats problems

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the serious psychological baggage of problems that we bring down

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the serious emotional problems

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as a school teacher working with young people

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most people

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have a lot of psychological problems from from from their childhood, but emotional psychological problems.

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The issues of course,

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married each other with children and the problems the psychological problems, emotional problems of mine and some maybe one of the partners.

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You know how to deal

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with the problem of

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having children.

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In our community,

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you need some other problems, like, over the years

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of misunderstanding among ourselves, what has happened is that the respect level among Muslims

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is just beginning to rebound. So what you have now is very low problems,

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people are being very reluctant to take it somebody, because actually, generally speaking,

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there's very little respect anyway. So we tend to try to use your problems.

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Okay, but we need to take it issue by issue and look for solutions, right, you're identifying a series of problems, I won't remember all of these right? And maybe better just take one issue and look to see what how can we resolve this issue, take an issue by issue

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because one

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of the things that he's got to deal with,

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and then many times

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the psychological problems

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that we bring in

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lack of respect each other.

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Next one is

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a lot of

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mis understanding of the role of Mendelian family in terms of a mind is a mind who identifies or actually assumes a mine is one of the few and he misinterprets that we need to be guided

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to you are you are you out,

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of course, because of these, these these problems, much becomes very difficult. Another

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problem is lack of is real, in a small society, for people that

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regret it,

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Bora, in that

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couple of weeks or months, young couples, young couples don't have any activity in terms of to

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be involved with younger person, now some older person.

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But actually, these problems constitute a lot of problems. But

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the first two are a major surprise that people bring in western values all

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the time expect other people to have them.

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Regarding the psychological problems, or the baggage that people bring into relationships with them.

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This isn't something new.

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It's something something peculiar to our time

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is something which has existed since time

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immemorial, that people come into relationships, depending on their own personal upbringing, you know, they will have certain experiences etc, which affect their own behavioral patterns, etc, which they're going to bring in with them to the, to the marriage, of course, it may have been left in the past, especially in Muslim families, because of the fact that the upbringing was was Islamic, more Islamic. So this myth dealt with people who are healthier, psychologically, they were healthier. But of course, no family escaped some, you know, some things, some errors, etc, which may affect the children and some of their behaviors. But we didn't see in our time, maybe it is greater,

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much greater because of the fact that we're coming out of non Muslim many of us are converts or reverts whatever coming out of

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non Muslim environments, which, you know, had with it many, many other problems or from dysfunctional Muslim families, you know, where people were not practicing. So really, we're growing up on our own.

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So what can we do to make

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In my eyes, the negative effects of these

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problems. In the case of marriage, I would say that probably the best solution for that would be to have some training, for example, people trained in the community in marriage counseling.

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Who can I mean, it's not going to take all the ideas of such from the west, but they have developed a methodology.

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You know, we can benefit from their methodology, have Islamic inputs, and from Islamic methodology, put that together, and advise couples that people when they come into some, they don't just rush into marriage, you know, what sometimes happens to a person just accepts Islam and whether marriage right away,

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or other companies Islam first, and when they get married,

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it may not be the right thing to do, they need to grow in Islam, first, people, you should be given a chance to grow in Islam to understand Islam better, etc, etc. When marriage is going to be contemplated, then there should be some kind of counseling, somebody to help to counsel, those who are going to be involved in marriage. And I mean, this is why there is supposed to be for the woman, you know, a representative

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Guardian, in the case of Muslim families, you have a wellI, where there is no Muslim family, no Muslim male who can act within our family in that capacity, then somebody who stands in that place.

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Not purpose, purpose of that is also to help to understand this person, give that person guide guidelines and guidance, and to know the person who she was intended, and to give that person advice so that these instruments should be clearly in place, in what we're having, in many cases are people getting married in the, especially in the case of the woman, the person who shouldn't be there, checking that woman out, and the person who is married is not fulfilling that role. You know, the guardianship aspect for women in marriage is virtually no.

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common in many circumstances. So I think by by having a body to counsel, those who are coming into marriage to give them advice, you know, the sisters can deal with the sisters going into the back of the bed trying to find out, you know, how they grew up with problems that they face, and, you know, to help them to, to come to grips with their backgrounds and things like this, to help prepare them for marriage, we need some kind of structure like that. I mean, given our thoughts, we can say that from the center, they don't really have this, you know, practice of the Sahaba sister, but these are unique circumstances, which didn't exist in those kinds of things today. So the idea of having a

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body in the community to help other members of community get the magic, this was quite legitimate. The other thing, which relates to

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wives and husbands coming into marriages with children, is something which people need to know.

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You know, what are the responsibilities involved, a man marries a woman who has children, it's not his responsibility to maintain and look after those children. And that is, technically according to the law, it is her previous husband responsibility, or if she was married to the law, so maybe from you know, relationship out of wedlock.

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Now, the man, knowing that the parent is the father of those children is not going to fulfill those roles.

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He come into that situation has to come in knowing that that responsibility will fall on him

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knowing that he cannot extract what is there,

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for his mind, that woman, his mind, woman and her children, he has a responsibility now,

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by way of the fact that it is not providing the support for assuming that he will have to do it, he will have to take that into account. So people need to be educated to what what degree are their responsibilities here, and to you know, to be clear on it, when you're coming in, this is what your withweb ahead of you. You know, if you don't think you can really deal with the service, don't go into this relationship, again, counseling, helping people, you know, know what they're coming into, what is expected of them.

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In terms of lack of respect of community leaders, I mean, this is

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people having struggled together over a period of time, you know, bad feelings have developed in the past, which people tend to carry on into the future. You know, this is sad, people are doing it but ultimately all

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We can do is to try to encourage people to put these things aside, General naseeha

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or advice which the community has to give to all of its members, we have to put away these feelings, these feelings of things of the past. You know, they move usually due to misunderstanding, people are dealing with a lot of evil people. And the people who made this thing

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maybe they can't see the mistakes, maybe we used to see it and they can't accept it as a mistake and you have to leave it leave

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it on the day of judgment to be resolved in this life or put it aside and carry on

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a run the compiler generated that

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I want occasion he was sitting in the community in a group of the problems I saw them in the masjid and the problems are seldom announced to the circle, that the next person walking into the masjid

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is among the people of paradise.

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So all the confinements waited to see who was the next one coming in.

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The next person who came in May this Torah

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Shama, the companion was narrating the senses.

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He wanted to know why, why was this person going to be other people.

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So, he decided he was going to be, you know, his companion, he just hung with him, everywhere, he went to go eat with him, you know, stay over his house,

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pray everywhere he was he was there with him. After he stuck with him for a week or two,

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sleeping over his house.

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He sat with him and he said, Well, you know,

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I've been with you now for this past week or two. And I haven't seen you doing any extra prayers. I mean, okay, you're doing the fire than you do in the sunlight, you know, few extras here and there, but no special like, you know, tagit every nice thing you're doing this. I don't see doing any extra special fasts and all the extras that are generally recommended you do, he went on to the different things he said, I can't see anything special. What is it?

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He said,

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The only thing that, you know, I could say, you know, personally that I mean, I have tried to, you know, maintain in my life is that when I go to sleep at night, I go to sleep without having any ill feelings towards anybody.

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He goes to sleep with a heart,

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you know, a loving heart at peace with the society, no ill feeling towards anybody.

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This is something that we need to remember. I mean, because of that problems, as Alan said, He is a man of paradise. We say we want paradise. So we have to be able to put these things aside,

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we have to put these bad feelings of the past this is a fact because ultimately, it's only hurting us. When we go to bed with these feelings in our hearts, it's only ourselves, we're hurting, hurting that person that

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ultimately we are hurting us.

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With regards also to the issue, you mentioned of the role, the male misconception of what it means to be a man, I mean, this again comes back down to education.

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We need to advise people going into marriage, you know that these are the images that we've learned out in the society This is not applicable in Islamic context within marriage. So I think the counseling for marriage counseling was because once you see there's a problem, you know, there's so many breakdowns in marriage, so many problems etc. And we obviously do need some kind of body to help you know, advise people who are going into marriage as well as advise those who are in it, you know, are finding problems etc.

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Or you had mentioned something about boredom.

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I think that this

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will be exaggerated, when families are not in communication with each other. You know, when the men when we get married and they isolate themselves from the rest of the community, then the chances of boredom increases, where the women are in contact with other women involved in Islamic activities have been similar the brothers involved in some activity with other parts of the community, then this is fulfill Of course, you know, there needs to be and I'm sure there are to some degrees, you know, certain community activities, picnics and things like this and you know, you know other

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camps etc. You know, there are different activities that we can

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we should have in the community where the members you know, are in contact, social contact with each other. This is such a difficult point as you said, because we are living in

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In a non Islamic Society, and much of the ways of entertainment are forbidden to us.

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Small movie, we have a tremendous amount of talk that literally, you didn't touch anything off topic. But

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presentation, but

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it's something that grows love to talk about as viable it

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is to, you know, you know,

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ready for that

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sort of thing, you know, they, they put a different slant to it.

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I live on my leg.

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Here, we have somebody else and so forth and so on. And this lovely thing about this

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small, growing community to have this type of

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give some

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advice in that direction. I have a lot of question.

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If somebody doesn't ask before,

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regarding polygyny, which is the proper name for it today because polygamy means either a man having more than one wife or a woman having more than one husband. Actually, there's a technical point. There the proper, you know, a man having more than one wife is called polygyny. And the woman having more than one husband is called polyandry.

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And both, you know, are together lumped together and called polygamy. But we just say, you know, polygamy, just give me this technical point. Anyway, the point is that Islam does not ordain polygyny, it did not make it compulsory, for since

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it's recognized,

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form of marriage among the different forms,

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and approved with with some limitations.

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Other forms is for me, there was polyandry going on there and

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in Arabia at the time.

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There are a variety of other marriage forms.

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It's rejected, most unapproved to form

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what we know, as

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male proposing, with dowry from the side of the meal

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with the witnesses,

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which was a permanent contract of marriage, not temporary marriage. And also, the extension where the man may marry more than one actually is lumped together as one. It's really just one marriage, all of the principles that we spoke about here are applicable to a man with one wife, or a man with two

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of love, and compassion, and obedience and maintenance, all of this exists with one wife or more than one wife, the only additional factors that come in is that justice must be maintained

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between the two, they must be dealt with justice equally, where it is possible in the case of time, justly, where it comes to maintenance, etc, depending on the size of families.

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And it is something which a law has ordained and permitted.

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So the same ruling that we mentioned that it is not befitting for the believing man or woman,

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if Allah and His Messenger have decided in a matter

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that they have no choice

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meaning that

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we reject polygamy.

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We don't like it.

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That a woman may express dislike

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somebody and say to sinful for her to dislike

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the wives of the Prophet, peace be upon did not happily welcome in the next life that came after

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they accepted in the end. But you know, if you read the life of the wives, you see the sometimes they fly

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Didn't Can I try to sabotage the profit marriage?

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So, the issue of liking or not liking is not the issue, the issue is that it is permissible, where the male is able to maintain more than one family

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maintain them just

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barely, it is permissible. And for women,

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if there has been decided to take a step,

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Islam doesn't say they cannot discourage,

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you know, to tell their husband No, no, don't do it now, leave it for later or whatever, whatever excuse they want to put to him, they can discuss it with him, try to discourage him etc, permissible. But in the end, if he decides that he wants to go ahead, then they have to accept

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in the end, this is the bottom.

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Of course, if they feel that becomes so unbearable, that they cannot deal with it, and they want a divorce,

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I mean, this is not recommended.

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But it is an option that is there for them

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is an option.

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So, what they have to come to grips with ultimately, what both husbands and wives have to come to grips with is what is the goal of their marriage.

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If the goal of the marriage is material security and well being and comfort,

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then of course,

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they will not be

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fulfilling half of their religion with marriage. And likely, they will not be pleasing a lot.

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That marriage will not be the one which Islam has prescribed.

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It will be a marriage of Muslims and not a marriage.

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If, on the other hand, the people involved recognize

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that the ultimate purpose is

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to worship a lot, serve a lot law

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and that what has been made permissible

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should be accepted. And we can work with that it's part of the test of this life.

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wives of the Prophet

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the wives of the companions

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of the leading scholars etc. In the past,

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they adjusted, they accepted, they lived with it, and they were rewarded. And if a woman stays in a polygynous relationship, rather than leaves

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and this patient

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continuing to fulfill her duty

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to Allah

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and contributing to the marriage, and

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she should or as she was doing, she will be rewarded.

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She'll be rewarded for that patient. For sure.

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On that point,

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before I made this,

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this is not I'm sure this is not the case.

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But it's my opinion based on my association with with Muslim males.

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This question of polygamy as you know, a mind my

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whatever we can even lie for the wrong reasons. And it was right or wrong reason. I mean, a lot of

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mining for loss, right? No, to fulfill a desire, but within the context of marriage. It is not illegitimate.

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But the point I'm wanting

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is that over the years, right.

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We mail

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are not known

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and not known for being lovely.

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Again, respect and respect

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in my opinion

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in my opinion

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I need to see the dictionary out now.

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For those who do not yet, I say, this is my amendment. I said again, that this does not.

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So I used to be able to express myself nobody interrupted.

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Generally, in my opinion, I'm not we're not known, we're not known generally, to be loving, sharing

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dollar on Islamic things and conducted it, whatever it is

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to make women happy in this community

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and approve it basically, does feel a lot of problems in Mises, we've had more than enough problems of my face.

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Out of polygamy,

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basically, men were known and respected and treated as colleagues.

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And do what is right,

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we will have less problems. And

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was known as the death benefit, keep in mind

00:31:31 --> 00:31:32

as soft

00:31:34 --> 00:31:36

soft means a novella.

00:31:37 --> 00:31:41

Because they have, right. And so

00:31:43 --> 00:31:43


00:31:47 --> 00:31:56

I'm saying basically, so it is very natural and easy when we now have legal rights,

00:31:57 --> 00:31:59

that you have a lot of law.

00:32:00 --> 00:32:05

Because first of all, we will expect to remain to be satisfied. If

00:32:07 --> 00:32:07

you taking

00:32:09 --> 00:32:12

Yes, I'm taking care of the summit, we will make you happy.

00:32:20 --> 00:32:23

And I maintain that everybody

00:32:24 --> 00:32:26

who kept coming to mind look like

00:32:28 --> 00:32:32

each other, but basically, might've been

00:32:33 --> 00:32:34

very negative.

00:32:36 --> 00:32:37

very negative.

00:32:38 --> 00:32:39

That's my opinion.

00:32:45 --> 00:32:46

But I would say that

00:32:50 --> 00:32:55

those people who would actually engage in polygyny

00:32:56 --> 00:32:57


00:32:58 --> 00:33:19

be no more than a small segment of the community anyway. I mean, even in the societies where people have the need, you know, in large numbers like Saudi Arabia. So the numbers of those who are practicing politically 10 to 10%,

00:33:20 --> 00:33:32

maximum 20% is always going to be a minority small group in the community. Now, the desire on the part of men to practice polygyny

00:33:34 --> 00:33:35

is normal.

00:33:36 --> 00:33:52

Whether you want to identify it as being their lack of care for their existing houses, or whatever, you know, these factors mean, the fact is that it is natural to the vast majority of men

00:33:53 --> 00:33:54


00:33:55 --> 00:33:57

that is a part of their makeup.

00:34:01 --> 00:34:08

And it is got biological, psychological, sociological reasons for its existence

00:34:09 --> 00:34:17

is a part of the nature. Now, the Islam invites us to marriage

00:34:18 --> 00:34:23

within certain bounds with checks and guidelines, etc.

00:34:24 --> 00:34:32

And as long as the community strives to maintain those, then those who will actually practice polygyny will be few.

00:34:34 --> 00:34:40

So it's really not something that you know, deserves a lot of

00:34:41 --> 00:34:55

arguments about because no one can say it's not permissible here in the Bahamas because Mohammed bamyan meals this way or that way, no, no one can say that. Allah has made it permissible, it is permissible.

00:34:57 --> 00:35:00

If one fulfills the requirement is permitted.

00:35:00 --> 00:35:04

And it will be a test for that individual, no matter how

00:35:05 --> 00:35:10

good his first marriage is, and everything is tight, and everything is fine. And his wife even agrees

00:35:12 --> 00:35:14

and he takes a second wife,

00:35:15 --> 00:35:18

even finest, you know, after some time, then the second one,

00:35:20 --> 00:35:38

or the first one, the attitude is the test, this is when a man marries his first wife, before they got married, and they have been discussed and everything seems fine and perfect and all okay, after they get married, they start to live together, and we start to find this coming up, I would like to release is to

00:35:40 --> 00:35:41

put the cap back on

00:35:43 --> 00:35:44

can become a big issue.

00:35:46 --> 00:36:20

human being, so we can have that, you know, with one situation you can have it with, you know, doubles up with two triples up with three, and so on. So, I mean, a person going into this type of situation obviously has to know that mean, they're taking on, you know, the good with the bad, you know, the negative aspects are going to come along with it. And the most important thing is for the community to understand what constitutes marriage, what the relationship should be, what the obligations are, and work with a perfect even in the same apartment

00:36:22 --> 00:36:26

where he was that loving, caring, compassionate husband

00:36:27 --> 00:36:31

is wise to have more than one or more than ever

00:36:34 --> 00:36:34


00:36:35 --> 00:36:36


00:36:40 --> 00:36:41


00:36:47 --> 00:36:47

you said earlier

00:36:50 --> 00:36:54

when the husband sees his wife, and when he kills himself until they

00:36:56 --> 00:36:59

tie into my second wife, my third wife.

00:37:03 --> 00:37:44

Actually, what it's not ready, etc, does that mean? It means that he feeds from what he eats? meat eaters, you know, buy steak for himself, and he gives her, you know, fish. I mean, why we eat good quality stuff, you know, she should eat the good things and the same standards and stuff. And he closed himself, you know, from, you know, civil roll, then she's got to have an equivalent standard. That's the principle. So now, if he has to why, as he takes care of himself, he has to maintain a similar standard for both of his wife in terms of what they eat, as well as what they were.

00:37:47 --> 00:38:04

Yeah, housing and everything. Yeah. I mean, he can't, you know, put the first wife in a palace and the second wife in the shack, no, no, he has to sell his palace and get a you know, media to, you know, to houses for both, you know, all you have to build another pilot.

00:38:21 --> 00:38:33

In the instance, where a woman marries a man who is adopted by non Muslims, and he converted to Islam, can she uncover in front of the parents of the adopted son? No.

00:38:35 --> 00:38:37

Because adoption

00:38:38 --> 00:38:39


00:38:40 --> 00:38:51

And especially dealing with non Muslims anyway, right. But let's say it was adopted by Muslim parents, whereas this is different, even more significant was in front of non Muslims.

00:38:54 --> 00:39:06

You know, it becomes even listen to becomes even more evident. The point is that adoption is allowed in Islam, as long as you don't change the name of the child, meaning you're raising a child in your home. Okay.

00:39:07 --> 00:39:11

If the child is brought into the home, before the age of

00:39:13 --> 00:39:28

two, refer breastfeeding and the mother, breastfeed the child, and the child now enters into the home circumstance, like one of the children, the girls will not have to cover before him, you know, he cannot marry them.

00:39:29 --> 00:39:45

But if he comes in after that point, though, she doesn't breastfeed him. Then the girls will have to cover before him once he reaches puberty. Once he she needs to do it. You know, and he can't do it. So when you when a woman marries an adopted son,

00:39:47 --> 00:39:47


00:39:49 --> 00:39:59

the father that adopted son technically can still marry her. She divorced him. She can marry that Father. With he was a blood father. Then she couldn't

00:40:00 --> 00:40:07

If he had been adopted by way of breastfeeding, then she could never marry his father.

00:40:09 --> 00:40:10

His adopted father.

00:40:12 --> 00:40:18

A second question, is it true that a man who wants to marry a woman is allowed to see her without a job? Yes, correct.

00:40:23 --> 00:40:29

Now another job note, which includes being a part of our arm part of our feet, you know,

00:40:37 --> 00:40:42

evidence for it found from the practice of the Sahaba. I'm just clarifying.

00:40:44 --> 00:40:46

Qualifying, like, once you

00:40:48 --> 00:40:48


00:40:49 --> 00:40:50

up to me.

00:40:55 --> 00:40:56

This she agrees

00:41:01 --> 00:41:14

she has no objection. Yeah, she objected. She doesn't want to remove any job. So you're here, then you apply that come with it, you know, accept that she is, you know, as if you decide, well, while you're here, it's not another night, okay?

00:41:18 --> 00:41:19

This is no,

00:41:20 --> 00:41:25

it's not in practice in the map of the Muslim world today, through the noise, medicine law.

00:41:29 --> 00:41:30

You can request that.

00:41:31 --> 00:41:56

It Be honest with you, in most Muslim societies, they don't know it. Some societies they do. Like in Sudan, for example, if you're getting married, if you've made your proposal, you go to the home of the parents, and the doctor will come out wearing a dress to her knee, you know, her short sleeve. So as you can see her arms, you know, without any covering her here, and she will, you know, serve the

00:42:00 --> 00:42:10

way a proposal has been made marriages have taken place. A proposal has been made once proposal has been made, when this permitted for him to see that person

00:42:14 --> 00:42:19

in the Sudan, and the media causes like that when they have but in most of the Muslim world,

00:42:20 --> 00:42:26

they don't they they're in the books, if you go back in the books, but it's not no longer practice today.

00:42:29 --> 00:42:31

Average Muslim notice.

00:42:32 --> 00:42:34

The average Muslim does not

00:42:37 --> 00:42:44

have all of the schools and Islamic life there. But it's not known. In fact, in most of the Muslim world today,

00:42:45 --> 00:43:10

if I may, I would like to add something polygyny that is not spoken often. But first, if you look at what the monogamous situation is about, for sexual problems, because what happens when he takes a second wife, it is projected onto the second wife. So it's having to be the cause of the problem. That was already existing before polygyny.

00:43:14 --> 00:43:16

I guess what I'm trying to say that.

00:43:20 --> 00:43:20


00:43:22 --> 00:43:24

when a person takes a second way,

00:43:26 --> 00:43:30

the biggest problems that was added to which will come into that relationship

00:43:31 --> 00:44:02

may not be problems that existed in the first part, sometimes their problems already existing with the first slide. And they may be, you know, exaggerated with the taking of a second life. And then the outer community tends to look at second life as being the cause. Right? This is true. But there is another point that I'd like to raise. And of course, you have to keep that in mind, too. We shouldn't assume because problems have arisen that this is the cause of the second life and looking from the outside world like always, also is that in most cases,

00:44:03 --> 00:44:28

the biggest problems which come when polygyny takes place properly. I mean, not when they doesn't marry somebody, and nobody knows about it. The wife finds out when he brings her home, I mean, not those kind of circumstances where, you know, he is informed or she's aware of this thing, and I like it. This is accepted as in ordinaries, also, the biggest problem tends to come from the women of the community.

00:44:29 --> 00:44:59

They feel they must not run to this sister until you poor soul in the first way. What he has done to you why he did this to you and they go on and on. And then the sister who was thinking it, okay, he starts to feel well, yeah, you know, for me, why did he do this to me, you know, and they become the source of the problem. You know, really, so this is one thing that you know, those sisters who finances the situation Be aware that you know, they have to be careful not to allow the women around.

00:45:00 --> 00:45:26

in the community, to them, create problems for them in their relationship, intimidate the woman or community they should, you know, be also careful that they don't, you know, become the cause of these problems. You know, because of the fact that her husband took a second left, it doesn't mean that you know, she's now in this terrible state has also gone through, you know, feeling down and throat or whatever, and you don't want to Oh, you poor thing he shouldn't have done this, you know,

00:45:27 --> 00:45:44

you should encourage her, you know, be patient inshallah, Allah will reward you, you know, he's a good brother, he'll take care of us not to neglect you. So why don't you give her words of encouragement to self nurse, rather than to make her weaker? is a biggie, I think, a very major point that we need to keep in mind in the circumstances.

00:45:57 --> 00:45:59

You noticed that

00:46:00 --> 00:46:01

the worst

00:46:06 --> 00:46:07


00:46:10 --> 00:46:11

to English?

00:46:16 --> 00:46:18

Is there anything?

00:46:19 --> 00:46:20

Is there any books available?

00:46:22 --> 00:46:24

to people that I know about?

00:46:26 --> 00:46:27

That person

00:46:30 --> 00:46:31


00:46:49 --> 00:47:08

I really don't know of any particular book that focused on this strategy. In the book, which I co authored, known as polygamy in Islam. There is no mention reference to that. There. But

00:47:09 --> 00:47:14

as I look in terms of just dealing with marriage, per se, setting that aspect, I don't know.

00:47:19 --> 00:47:20

My second question,

00:47:22 --> 00:47:23

is the motivation to

00:47:30 --> 00:47:32

seems like a carryover. There are no

00:47:39 --> 00:47:40

problems in

00:47:43 --> 00:47:48

the demo lifestyle of I call it the quiet zone, where the whole

00:47:50 --> 00:48:03

despite the fact that they have these major differences, they decide not to separate, because, you know, social status was so so this reason, that reason,

00:48:05 --> 00:48:09

I find that this thing also carries on into some of the Muslims

00:48:12 --> 00:48:13

in the Muslim family

00:48:15 --> 00:48:16

sort of attitude,

00:48:19 --> 00:48:21

says the husband data.

00:48:25 --> 00:48:26

Let's bring up

00:48:27 --> 00:48:28


00:48:31 --> 00:48:32

position. So we

00:48:34 --> 00:48:35

are alive.

00:48:36 --> 00:48:39

Let me everybody, and

00:48:41 --> 00:48:42

we'll get together

00:48:49 --> 00:48:49


00:48:54 --> 00:48:57

choose this option, that

00:48:59 --> 00:49:15

they will continue the marriage for the sake of the children, or because of the negative impact that the wife has on the community. And this is an option that they have the right to take and oh, we can't say to them, Well, no, you should get the worse.

00:49:16 --> 00:49:17


00:49:18 --> 00:49:21

of course, where the

00:49:23 --> 00:49:59

circumstance is affecting the new that we this is when we say to them, you should get divorced. But if that negative environment is making them weaker and lesser Muslims, their faith is being weakened, they're neglecting responsibilities, etc. In such circumstance, it is better for them, we should advise them listen, it is better that you are separate. You know, but where they're maintaining, you know, they, they're whatever they decided they will particularly just prefer to continue like that. You know, they're comfortable with it. You know, the

00:50:00 --> 00:50:09

still able to handle the chronic responsibilities and the community, you know, not very aware of what is happening internally and they want to keep it that way, then, you know, that is their option.

00:50:19 --> 00:50:27

And I was Yes, the community were agreed to mutual mutual

00:50:28 --> 00:50:29

mutual every day.

00:50:33 --> 00:50:34

People call me how's

00:50:36 --> 00:50:39

that you've gone to Africa

00:50:41 --> 00:50:42

to house

00:50:43 --> 00:50:46

everything is mutual and I mentioned that

00:50:47 --> 00:50:50

it is mutual, you don't need anything

00:50:54 --> 00:50:55

everything is neutral.

00:50:58 --> 00:50:59


00:51:01 --> 00:51:01


00:51:11 --> 00:51:15

let's see, the first one that is the

00:51:16 --> 00:51:17

something you said earlier,

00:51:18 --> 00:51:21

where the gallery set

00:51:23 --> 00:51:23


00:51:25 --> 00:51:26

and now there

00:51:28 --> 00:51:29

is the lowest

00:51:31 --> 00:51:31


00:51:35 --> 00:51:40

but I wanted to escape that permissible and legacy of requests and

00:51:42 --> 00:51:43

he tried to do that

00:51:47 --> 00:51:48

you questioned him on it, and he called him on

00:51:56 --> 00:51:58

he thought instead

00:52:00 --> 00:52:01

of one thing than the other, but now,

00:52:04 --> 00:52:04

among the

00:52:06 --> 00:52:10

reasons why people get married, you mentioned about the genealogy

00:52:12 --> 00:52:13

I think

00:52:15 --> 00:52:15


00:52:17 --> 00:52:20

couples are planning on getting married, and all the things

00:52:22 --> 00:52:23

in terms of the family background,

00:52:25 --> 00:52:29

decisions, genetic trick, that you may need to know about

00:52:31 --> 00:52:34

example, individuals as a founder to help the patient sickle cell unit

00:52:37 --> 00:52:37

you know,

00:52:42 --> 00:52:43

live recording

00:52:44 --> 00:52:44


00:52:46 --> 00:52:46

they have to say.

00:52:55 --> 00:53:30

I think the second point was a comment. And I agree, you know, that where there are biological problems in the background of the individuals involved mainly should be known and shouldn't be people getting married should be informed of these possibilities. So people going into the relationship know, what can possibly come out of his biological. The first part the question, this represents, really, as I said, an agreement made within a few tribes, right, they have agreed to set this limit, I mean, as a standard amongst themselves, right? Before they had what was because

00:53:32 --> 00:53:56

it is acceptable Sharia that, that the dowry be what is commonly accepted in a particular region, it's perfectly okay if a woman wants to go beyond it has her individual life, what happens is that mostly, it is done according to the custom of the community, you know, and that is acceptable, if not for center, meaning that she doesn't have any option.

00:53:59 --> 00:54:24

But to go according to the norm of that particular community is also acceptable. They have a principle that caught my heart and missiles in Syria, that if for example, a person married somebody, and they didn't set a gallery right, those should be done, but it wasn't set and then the man died.

00:54:26 --> 00:54:35

Right. her dowry was not stipulated, but it is no right. And it should be calculated even before you start to divide up the imaginary.

00:54:36 --> 00:54:59

So, how do they calculate they go to this principal of my house and so, they look to mean meaning the dowry of people of her similar status are the people who belong to a tribe what is the norm that people get in gallery what is the norm that is given men they give it, give that to her? So the idea of having a norm is not against this area. You know, it is not limited

00:55:00 --> 00:55:27

It's just with what parents have agreed upon, right? And they would encourage the doctors to stay within this, you know, because usually the doctors didn't care if the parents you know who saying no, I want to accept it, or I brought it to the marriage for less than or less than that. So they're saying they agreed not to listen, we're not going to put those stipulations anymore for what this number, the doctor prefers more that is her right to request more or less and less, that is authorized.

00:55:31 --> 00:55:38

Okay, wait, I think, you know, there may be some other people before we run because he likes to be a few brothers and sort of monopolizing

00:55:41 --> 00:55:48

some other brothers here. The mother brothers who, you know, haven't said a word. I mean, they know questions that you might have, but

00:55:50 --> 00:55:51

you don't have any questions

00:55:52 --> 00:55:53


00:55:56 --> 00:55:57


00:56:03 --> 00:56:07

Just want to make sure because sometimes, you know, brothers will raise suggested images.

00:56:08 --> 00:56:09

monopolize my guns.

00:56:10 --> 00:56:10


00:56:32 --> 00:56:43

Well, I think before we let him do any more questions, I'm in a marriage right to finish the thing related to family relations and life. And then as a closing question, perhaps we can look at the issue of

00:56:46 --> 00:56:47

you mentioned earlier.

00:56:49 --> 00:56:51

Today, call me back.

00:56:55 --> 00:56:56

Personally, given

00:56:59 --> 00:57:04

the situation, like myself, it was optimise my family.

00:57:05 --> 00:57:06

Right to meet my family.

00:57:09 --> 00:57:14

I have tried to please a lot, if you don't like the weather based on a sunny lack of access to you, but

00:57:16 --> 00:57:17

that doesn't mean Elliot.

00:57:18 --> 00:57:22

Because this is a normal, please, you know,

00:57:23 --> 00:57:24

later down the road.

00:57:26 --> 00:57:26


00:57:31 --> 00:57:31

as I said,

00:57:33 --> 00:57:36

looking at a person's family background is legitimate.

00:57:37 --> 00:57:42

I'm not saying that, you know, that is the deciding factor.

00:57:43 --> 00:57:50

But it is legitimate for a father in discussing with his first

00:57:51 --> 00:57:55

being with family and a family came from even though they may be done with it,

00:57:56 --> 00:58:02

even though they may be normal. And when they were, you know, a plan of drug dealer

00:58:05 --> 00:58:12

or they were, you know, respectable church going on in the community, you know, with upstanding members of the community. That

00:58:14 --> 00:58:30

doesn't necessarily mean that that person is going to be a drug dealer, that person can be upstanding have that attitude, but it is something that can be given some consideration. Right? That if, for example, in talking to the brother,

00:58:31 --> 00:58:39

I find from his expressions and his ideas, something which seems to relate back to that drug dealing clan,

00:58:44 --> 00:58:49

because some of that upbringing may still be affecting that individual and my daughter's

00:58:51 --> 00:58:54

by understanding the background, it helps me to understand

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