Married Ever After #11 Principles 16 and 17

Smilla Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala Rasulillah, who Allah Allah, he was a happy human. Voila, Welcome, dear brothers and sisters to our penultimate session. So next week will be our last session from this pleasant series titled married of Africa.

So we promise to divide this series into how many sections?

Do you remember?

14 sections?

Three sections.

four sections? Yeah, it was four sections, and we've covered three. And we've done about 16 or so principles. 15 actually, to be precise, shall all of the answers are correct. But what I meant to say is that we have

four bundles, four phases.

The first phase we said was the Quranic principles that a Muslim husband and wife are to bear in mind before they even embark on marriage.

And then the second batch of principles were those principles from the Quran to ensure the continuation of the marriage, it's blossoming, it's flourishing. So Quranic principles for the good times.

And then we came on to batch number what, number three, which were Quranic principles that dealt with what?

When problems begin to arise in a relationship,

and this evening, Inshallah, we're going to do the last two of those principles between later and next week will be another batch of three, under the title of principles from the Quran, post divorce,

which will perhaps, cover some of the most important headings of this entire series, and have the greatest ramifications for those who don't uphold them.

So principle 16, is where Allah Jalla Jalla Allah who said in Surah Tunis, Chapter Four of the Quran

followed do who eel Allah He were Rasool

return your dispute back to Allah and his messenger in contempt, told me no Nabila he will Yomi Akkad. That is, if you truly believe in Allah, and the last day

you have a dispute with your wife, your husband, there are several avenues that you can take, ensure that the key then you. The key avenue that you take before thinking about anything else is that you know the position of Islam with respect to this particular dispute that you are going through.

And you do that by going for the most part, to a scholar who knows what he is talking about.

And that's not by going

to an internet blog, or website,

your personal preference. The idea is to know what the religion wants from you in this particular dispute. And this is dangerously absent in the lives of many quarreling, husbands and wives.

See, the scholars dear brother, dear sister, our unanimously agreed, that there is no opinion

that is to be considered absolute, in every sense of the word

other than that, which comes from our Lord,

and He shall,

whether this opinion is coming through from a parent, a friend you respect and admire, even your shake,

a political authority, a cultural norm, and internet marriage related site, there is no opinion out there.

That is to be considered free from all faults, it is concrete and absolute. Such that you can say so and so has spoken. Therefore, the matter matter is settled. The dispute is lifted, and every other opinion is wrong.

You can't say that, about anyone's opinion, other than that, which comes to us by way of what

by way of Allah Jalla Jalla Liu and his messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam otherwise this person whom you are seeing has this type of opinion.

This is a person you've placed on par with the Prophet Alayhi Salatu was Salam and that is associating a Mushara legislator with him and he is a man who received revelation from Allah Jinja Gerardo

and that is why I take you on a quick tour of some of the ayat of the Quran that speak about this value that the ultimate say in your marriage and outside

I love your marriage belongs to Allah Jalla Jalla who and when he has spoken, every other opinion takes a backseat.

Allah subhanaw taala said well not the left and V he mean che in for Haku Illa Allah

any matter that you have disputed over its ruling is to be taken back to Allah

and Allah subhanho wa Taala who said follow our big no by your Lord Allah set law you mean they can have no EMA no faith till they do what? I tell you how chemo can female sheduled other in your home till they make you Oh Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam the judge for the disputes that happened between them

thordon Mala Ji do a fee and unfortunately him Hara Jemima, Koba it then after they made you the judge, they find no discomfort in their hearts about your verdict.

What you said Lemo, Taslima and they submit in full submission

the ultimate authority during times of disputes and other times is why revelation

and Allah subhanaw taala said

one occasionally movement it is not for a believing man. While I'm Amina over believing woman either cub Allahu wa rasuluh am Ron if Allah and His Messenger have decreed a matter and he Hakuna Allah whom will hear to Emery him, they should then have any say after that.

Imagine

and in the idea that we are covering now in their principle what is differences but what does it read brothers

remind me or Salah and what does it read?

Not sure.

Return it to Allah and his messenger from Surah. Tunisia take the context of the eye yeah you have Latina M and O you who believe. Alia Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah Rasool obey Allah and obey His messenger. What will Emery mean come and those who are in charge amongst you? They are the scholars according to one tafsir

for internetseiten, fishy If however, you fall out over a matter what do you do? furrowed, do it Allah he will Rasool den referring back to Allah and his messenger

in contempt took me to nebula he only only asking that is if you truly believe in Allah and the Last Day that he Gallica how you don't want us and who that will that is best, and brings about the fairest resolution Allah said.

Therefore, when there was a dispute between husband and wife, their immediate go to is this our religion have something to say about this?

If it does, that needs to be our knee jerk reaction. So this is when a husband and wife they agree from the outset of their relationship? How are we going to manage our conflicts and I prefer the statement or the sentence of conflict management as opposed to conflict resolution, because a lot of conflicts, there is no solution for them.

It's just a challenge that needs managing rather than a problem that needs solving. It can't be solved. You have a fallout with your mother in law, what you're gonna do, you just have to manage it, you can kill her. Right? So conflict management. So you have an issue with your spouse, they agree from the outset that our reference is going to be the book of Allah and the Sunnah of the messenger SallAllahu sallam. And that's not from my understanding, or your understanding is we're going to go to somebody who knows his stuff, who studied their religion, and has a few years of experience under his belt we've mentioned, as we've mentioned in other

lectures, and we will make this person the judge. And then they make a second agreement after that,

which is just as important as the first, which is when we come to learn of what Allah has said in this matter that we've fallen out over. We make an agreement that we submit to it.

We submit to it.

You see brothers and sisters, this bless it. Couple,

they have realized one of the most important rules in life.

And that rule says that if there is a couple

who've made the obedience of Allah subhanaw taala, the bedrock of their marriage,

then Allah subhanaw taala will take it upon His divine self, to assist them in their journey of marriage, even if they may lack all of the ingredients for a successful marriage.

The opposite is true.

If a couple have made the bedrock of their relationships in masliah, disobedience to Allah, Allah flat, distracted hearts, endless pursuit and conversation of dunya

then che pan will take it upon himself to separate them sooner or later, even if that can

Apple, have all of the ingredients for a successful marriage.

Here, I want to share with you two particular points, when speaking about return your dispute back to Allah and his messenger so that we don't understand the misunderstand the application of this of this principle.

The first of them.

The first of them is that by our nature, man has an aversion to advice. He doesn't like being advised. He doesn't like his faults and blemishes being called out, especially when it is by someone who is very close to you.

A lot of people struggle with, for some reason, a lot of people struggle with Islamic advice, particularly.

So if you have something to say about dress, something to say about diet, something to say about health and nutrition, people aren't grateful. The moment however you bring up Islam, especially if it's between husband and wife, they seem to struggle with that type of conversation.

So you say how am I going to return it to Allah and His messenger? How do I give that type of advice, when my spouse hates it every time I tried to give advice from our religion.

And so what happens because of this, problems grow. So our brother will say, a sister may say, I tried applying this, I tried applying this principle 16.

I tried referring our problems back to Scripture.

I tried to find an Islamic solution. Every time I did that, however, I got such a bad reaction, I can see from the facial expressions, the rage, the bulging veins, that my advice is not going down very well.

So I decided to stop,

stopped applying principles 16. So what happened, the sin had to continue, the problem continued.

And then that problem developed many layers and facets, and then it became compounded.

And then hatred, resentment and bitterness formed. And then there was a huge explosion and eruption of anger. And now they're picking up the pieces and they bringing in a shift to try to resolve their problem, or manage it. And the question is, why were you not speaking to one another before this happened, and now you're bringing the shift to try to fix something that could be beyond repair.

So a man by his nature, it seems he struggled with advice. And the husband and wife, particularly between them, they struggled with Islamic advice. So a husband will give advice to his wife and she will have this allergic reaction. It's like electricity occurring is going through her veins. And it's like you're trying to control me.

You're just you're not used to so unromantic. Why are you talking like that? And similarly, a wife, she may try to advise her husband that how will he hear it? He you're calling my leadership of the relationship into question. I'm the one who should be giving the advice to you what like what do you know? Like I attended this retreat and this course and I've done this online program. I know. Like I know, you don't need to tell me.

There's just a current is a bad air in the room the moment they bring Islam into the conversation and a lot of brothers and sisters, husbands or wives, they don't know how to hold an Islamic conversation. Have you noticed? Like we can talk about anything football, whether children, food, family, Islam, our

there's just an awkwardness in the room. And we just want to kind of turn that page and continue. They don't know how to do it.

And Islam only ever comes up in conversation when they fallen out. Mum and Dad are now dragging them to the shear and he's now trying to solve their issues. It shouldn't be like that.

Now this aspect, this point number one that I've just shared with you our hatred of Islamic advice

to deal with it remember two things the first see advice as a gift

that has been presented to you that's how our predecessors saw advice. They didn't see it as a bullet that was shot out there

called into question their dignity and their owners like you've given me advice is that good luck? Thank you for giving me an opportunity to change it before my fault is called out by Allah on the day of judgment and then I can't do anything about that then thank you because I got lucky. And that's why I immediately want meaning Omar.

He would say your him Allah hombre and their la UMSL we may Allah have mercy upon a person who gifts me with my faults.

May Allah have mercy upon an individual who gifts me with my fault. So advice should be seen as a gift of course as provided that you offer the advice the same way you provide a gift, carefully, gift wrapped and in an elegant way.

That's how they saw advice.

and Abdullah had numerous rude he would say in the UK bury them be one of the most major of all Sims.

And Nicola Rajamouli occasion is that when a person says to his brother it tequila, Fear God, fear Allah, he's giving him advice, fear Allah. And then the man turns around and says, under that mode only ie can be enough seeker and that mode only you take care of yourself.

Who are you to advise me?

Even the Mossad, he says that statement of You mind your own business.

How can you give me advice he says that is one of the most major of sins

because it's arrogant. And that takes me to the second point we said number one, see advice as a gift that was given to you thank your spouse for it, encourage him encourage her to do that.

And then the second thing we said beware of arrogance, because what is it that stops people from applying principles 16 or accepting advice that comes from principles 16 Returning back to Allah his Messenger is that barrier called arrogance.

And barrier is an understatement.

And that's why in the Sahara it's narrated that Abdullah human Masood, he said that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said lie at Hulu janitor mankind physical behemoth called with a rotten mean cable. Any person who has an atom's weight of arrogance in his heart will not enter paradise.

And a man he panicked when he heard this and he said to the Prophet Alayhi Salatu was Salam. Ya rasool Allah He

or Raju, do you have an akuna Silva who has an N one who has an O Messenger of Allah, what do you make of a person who likes to dress nicely, likes to wear expensive shoes? Are he is this arrogance? I don't know. The Prophet alayhi salatu salam said in Allah Hajime loon you had with Jamal he said No, Allah is beautiful and he loves beauty, no issue with that. What is arrogance? He said I'll keep you data will happily Welcome to nurse arrogance

is to reject truth

and to look down upon people.

Arrogance is two parts. It's to reject truth you've just been given advice and you've always got some way to deflect it. What about you?

I have a flat tire. I think what I'm doing is fine. I'll deal with it when I deal with it. Let's talk about something else. He said arrogance is the rejection of Truth Number one, number two, to look down upon people come to me

and Allah Jalla Jalla who describes the hypocrites beware of this attribute my brother, my sister, and test yourself against this area I will share with you whenever advice comes from comes your way. Allah said about the Muna feel the hypocrite what either Tina Allahu tequila occur that is that to

believe them. Allah said what it said to him. Fear Allah, the hypocrite he says, or when it is said to him fear Allah.

Pride carries him off to sin.

For hasta boo hoo Jahannam Allah said, Hellfire will be sufficient for him. Well, they'll be selling me hard on what an evil resting place it is.

So in conclusion to this principle, really, brothers and sisters are actually there is a second point I wanted to mention the first we said, the hatred of advice and how to deal with it, and the avoidance of arrogance. The second point which we need to be aware of when speaking about returning back to Allah and his messenger is the danger of religious blackmail.

And it is very easy to fall prey to this problem. When trying to refer your problems back to Allah and his messenger they can creep in, in a very subtle way.

And religious blackmail is not only damaging to the relationship of a couple and crushes it so quickly.

It is also very damaging to a person's relationship with Allah who is the one who's the recipient of it, of religious blackmail. Allow me to explain.

Take for example,

a brother who's constantly waving the unit to be obedient to me, oh my wife card.

So in the face of every mistake she may make, although they may be few.

He's threatening her with this, this hadith, or this area, these Islamic texts.

Now it couldn't be that from nine out of 10 Circumstances Masha Allah Baraka Luffy has she really has tried to be at her husband's wish. But on one or two of those occasions that she failed as we all do, instantly, he takes out this card. You are a disobedient woman. And you know what awaits a disobedient woman he will say

Now she struggles to square this up in her mind and to harmonize it because on one end, I've got these texts that are threatening me and they're frightening and it's making me feel anxious and vulnerable. And then on the other hand, I've got a husband who's failing.

How do I square this in my mind? I mean, is this religion even fair? That's what I meant by saying religious blackmail can eventually do what crush a person's relationship with Allah. Because now you've made this false Association in your mind, you've caused a false association in the life of the mind of your wife, which is that Islam equates to pain, guilt, fear, punishment, and that's not an association of their religion made.

You see, and similarly, a wife, she may do the same thing for her husband, religious blackmail, she will say to him when he comes home late, Have you not heard of the Hadith, Cairo, Cairo come Lianhua Anika Eurocom Lionni. The best of you are those who are best to their wives and I the Prophet sallallahu says, I am the best to my wives. You've come home late. So you're not the best of people, you are actually the worst of people.

And then when he wants to go out with his friends, for example, she tries to control him. The Prophet said the best of you are those who are best to their wives. You should be spending time with me you are not the best of people, You are the worst therefore

he's spending on her most of the time and then he falls short on one occasion. She says to him the best of you are those who have the best of their wives are the general Kawah Munna Allen, you said you're supposed to be a leader in your family, Allah says you're supposed to be a leader in your family, you are a failure, Allah said would be my un*able mean and wily because of the money that demands spends on his family, you're not spending anything on me, you are a failure, you are inadequate.

And she's constantly making him feel that he is a failure and inadequate. So what happens? On one hand, he has these texts that are saying to him, you need to take care of your spouse. On the other hand, he has a wife who's failing as well. And therefore there is this hatred, and resentment and bitterness that develops towards Allah agenda. Because he sees that this is the religion that's causing me this pain. So religious blackmail is very damaging. advise one another, but present your advice as you present your gifts, and choose the time and choose the place and choose the tone and be wise in the opportunities that you look for.

So these are two points. I wanted to share with you the idea of man's hatred to advice and how to deal with it when you want to return your disputes to Allah and His messenger. And the second element is beware of using this class as a justification for religious blackmail.

You see, I don't remember the last time I attended a marriage ceremony. I could write whereby the sheikh did not say I like you tabula Allah sunnah to Rasulillah. This marriage is upon the book of Allah and upon the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah. Every marriage that happens is usually introduced with that statement Quran and Sunnah you guys are married based upon Quran and Sunnah.

But what is amazing is that following the very first dispute that they have, they make it obvious that they don't have half a clue about what the Quran and Sunnah have to say about marriage as a whole. They've done no course they haven't. They don't have to speak with one another as practicing Muslims. Yet your whole marriage apparently was predicated upon Quran and Sunnah. Where is it?

The Quran and Sunnah is not just there to solve our problems when we fall out in front of the Sharia Council. It's there to be part of our everyday life.

And that is why I share with you one practical suggestion to how we can apply principles 16 which is return your dispute to the Quran and Sunnah or Allah and His Messenger Salah Listen, what can a person do? I give you just one simple solution and that is

to take Riyadh Saudi Hain

which is translated as the meadows of the righteous perhaps one of the most famous Hadith collection in existence by email will know where we are home a whole lot over about 1400 Hadith in the most important departments of life, marriage and otherwise,

ordered online, finding English Arabic version or something in your native language with some basic commentary, ideally, and make a habit of reading one or two or five or 10 a hadith with your wife nightly or every other night or twice a week, whatever your schedule and hers can accommodate. Why is this so important in helping to train yourself to apply verse 16 or principle 16 Because now you are learning the skill of speaking with one another.

About a religious matter.

So you're reading these Hadith, you're going through the commentary and then you reflect. What does this hadith mean? Well, I'm not too sure. Let's go and research it and find out. Let's go and ask Chef so and so, oh, this hadith I can really relate to it. I remember when this happened Subhanallah I never knew this was something in our tradition.

This hadith reminds me of you Oh, this hadith does not remind me of you. And you're having these conversations with time, there is a love that is developed towards the Islamic revelation. Which means that when a problem occurs,

you will feel the inclination and the urge to return your problems back to the Quran and the Sunnah. You will feel the want to do that.

Why is it that we go to people for advice? Usually, why do we choose the people that we do? Usually it's because of an emotional reason. Because we love them, we trust them.

So similarly, when you're developing this relationship with Riyadh, Saudi hain, or its likes could be a book of Tafseer for example, you're both developing an attachment to your religion and its literature. And therefore, you will know when you will want to go to the right place, if and when a dispute arises.

So this is principle 16 that says, return it for to do in Allahu wa rasuluh return your dispute to Allah and His messenger.

Principle 17 And this is the last principle from this batch

of Quranic principles, when there is a dispute between husband and wife, and that is where Allah Jalla Jalla Allah who said Wallah 10 said would Fabula intercom do not forget the graciousness between you, Ya Allah, one of the most beautiful Quranic principles in every department of life, particularly in marriage. Now what is interesting is that this principle that I just shared with you, while attends that will Fabula being a con is from Chapter two surah, two dakara of the Quran. It's actually in the context of divorce.

But I've cheekily placed it in this particular section for you, which is before divorce during a dispute, because this principle is so effective

in helping a dispute,

and therefore I placed it in the section when they are still when they are still married and sorting their problems. Although the context of the areas I shall explain with you is the context of divorce.

While I attend several Fabula intercom, do not forget the graciousness that is between you, husband and wife, don't forget

what is the context of this area? Well, first of all, I say that one of the principles, one of our jurists,

he said that the lack of application of this principle, while Athens will fund Lavina, calm don't forget the graciousness between your husband and wife. The lack of application of this principle was the reason behind the overwhelming majority of divorce cases that he experienced in his time as calmly as judge

when there is a problem

between husband and wife, questions like what happened to the good old days?

What about those moments of joy and happiness and intimacy that we shared with one another? What happened to them? What happened to those moments of loyalty and say, or humor? What happened to them, they are all thrown out of the window. And the conclusion is you have never done anything for me anyway, husband, wife.

Whereas Allah says, Do not forget, do not forget the graciousness between you meaning what it's there,

your mutual graciousness towards one another, it is there. It just requires that you bring it up in memory, you load it up. Don't forget it, but it's there.

What is the context of the IRA? Subhanallah it's phenomenal.

Elijah La Jolla who said we're into luck to Mohan, if you men, divorce, your wives

been lovely and tema soon before you have consummated the marriage.

Walk out the fire up to Laguna de la, and you had specified a dowry for your wife. 10,000 pound 20,000 pound 5000 pound you'd specify the dowry.

For

what intellect to move either to lock the moon amicably intimate sooner or defer up to Milan Nefaria Dalton furnished format afforded to you or to give them half of that gallery

Illa Yafo. Now, except if the wife decides to waive her half, we are a former lady bat order to Nika or the husband waives his half of the dowry. What does this mean? Very simply put, this is a scenario where a husband married a man married a woman. Then before the consummation happened before any intimacy was

to take place for one reason or another, he divorced her.

And prior to the divorce, there was a dowry that was agreed upon whether dowry was given to her or it wasn't given to her. It doesn't matter. According to some of the scholars, he says I will give you 510 15k In that situation where the divorce takes place and marriage was not consummated, and dowry was stipulated than the right of that divorced woman is half of the dowry.

Clear.

Allah says with the exception, however,

to if the woman the wife decides to leave her half she says, you know, fellas, Zack, good luck and you take your hat. You take it back husband,

we Alpha lady, yada, yada don't Nika or the husband himself. No, he says, I will waive my half of the diary. I'll give you the full diary.

Clear. Then Allah subhanaw taala. He said, What UNDAF what accountability taqwa and for you to waive your personal right is nearer to piety Subhanallah and look at how Allah Allah Allah, Allah, Allah who is nurturing the believers, to have this dignified, Holyoake mannerisms, even when they are going through a divorce. For you to overlook and to waive your personal right that is nearer to piety husband, give up your half that is nearer to piety wife, give up your half that is nearer to piety.

Then Allah subhanaw taala said while utensil

alphaB Lavina calm that's the principle we're going from. And that's where we got it from. Do not forget and do not forget the graciousness between you.

La ilaha illa Allah.

Isn't that amazing?

I need what is the graciousness that is between those two? Like what have they done?

Don't forget the good old times. That's one of the translations. I mean, there's two ways to translate this. To be honest, the majority translation or meaning is to is to say, don't forget to behave in a gracious manner during this moment of divorce. That's one way of understanding the eye. The other way of understanding it is do not forget the good old times.

Don't forget the grace of the past. As a Lucy he said in Romani, he said while I attend, so will Seneca in Edina. Khun Walia could mean calm. And don't forget the good treatment that you showed to one another in the past and keep it in your mind.

What good times did they share? He has just divorced her. They haven't even consummated the marriage. So of course, they don't have children because they never even shared a bed. It never got that far.

What graciousness is there between them to remember? I mean, maybe there was a conversation of how are you?

What family are you from? And what university do you study at?

Perhaps there was a bouquet of flowers here and there a box of chocolates here and there. Okay, happy to have they're engaged.

But that's it.

That's it.

And despite that limited time that they've spent with one another, Allah said, don't forget the graciousness between you.

So what do you make of a brother and a sister who have been married for a year and they're now going through divorce?

or 10 years? What type of grace existed between them? How can you say you've never done anything for me? 15 years worth of marriage. You've got one or two or three, five kids between you and you say she has never done anything for me. Don't forget the graciousness between you Allah Jalla Jalla lucid, yaki, if you were struggling with a 10 kilo bag of rice now outside of the masjid, you go into your car, then somebody sees you in the street and says, Let me give you a hand and carries the bag of rice for you to the cut. You would be indebted to this person until the day you die. You say you'd be about he carried a bag of rice for me to my car.

And you forget that your wife had carried for you your child inside of her womb for nine months, not a few meters to your car. And you say what have you ever done for me? And your sister will say to your husband, what have you ever done for me how to build a statement that takes people to hell. Allah said wala Tansa will help Lavina could never forget the graciousness between you. This is a principle for divorce. I'm sharing it with you here today on this evening. Because you and I need to apply it during our disputes when we are still married.

Load up all of the good memories. And then you make the balance you make that you weigh up the pros and cons

and that is why the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he said

in the Hadith which Muslim narrates on the authority of Abu Huraira Leia Faruk are more immune Momina no believing man should be hate a believing woman. Meaning no husband

and should hate his wife. Why? In Katy Hammond Haku Luca Robbie, I mean, ha, ha ha. Because if he hates one of her characteristics, he certainly admires others. In other words, don't forget the graciousness between you, you don't like this aspect of her What about all the other aspects that you do like? And similarly, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam would say about the women as narrated in the sahaba. When he found that in hell, the majority of the inmates were women. And one of the women she asked why why is that the case? What did he say?

Your Corner? Ally she became because you deny the favours of your husband, work formally Hassan And you reject the goodness that he has done for you.

No accent that you like the Hoonah Dara if you if you do a lifetime's worth of good for a woman, he said to Mara admin cache, and then she sees something she doesn't like, have you call it Mara Utimaco what on earth she says I've never seen any good from you.

That is a statement, according to the Prophet SAW Selim that takes a person to hell.

You see a blemish from him, you say you've never done anything for me. That's a big statement. Why? Because Allah says, while our attention will fatten Lavina don't forget the graciousness that is between you. This was the way of our Prophet Alayhi Salatu was Salam. Anybody who did him any type of fever during his life, he never forgot it for him.

That's the behavior of the noble wonder Kareem

the one who's free when he saw an old woman once in the streets of Medina, and he greeted her with phenomenal warmth.

And he sat her down old woman and he spoke with how can you for and how are you? Okay, for quantum bandana? What did you do afterwards? How's life? How are you?

And then our mother he she asked him when she left. You gave this old woman O Messenger of Allah me my mother and father be sacrificed for you so much attention. Who was she? What did he say? He said, Canada Tina feasor nanny Hadiya This is a woman who used to visit us back in the days of Khadija. That is a woman who used to visit us back in the days of Khadija I think he said we're in our house Nila hottie I mean an ima and taking care of old ties is part of Eman. Don't forget the graciousness between you, that old woman reminded him

of his wife Khadija, and those happy days back in Mecca with her. So he gave her this extra time and attention and warms because

he never allowed graciousness between him and others to be forgotten. And the examples of this are so many

I know they a brother who fell into an immense amount of debt to 15,000 pound to be specific.

And he endured unimaginable stress because of it. Then on one particular evening, his wife came with an envelope. He said, What's this or more fallout mother of seven. So she said this is 15,000 pound cash for you to pay off your debt. He said, I know you don't have 15k. What are you a dealer or something? Where did this money come from? She said to him, it's the money that you've been giving me throughout the years pocket money, here and there. Whatever you had I was saving it up for a rainy day like this. So take it and pay off your debts.

Can the virtue of this woman ever been denied? Can the grace of this woman ever been rejected? Now if you were to think about what your wife your husband has been offering free to you throughout these years, you would find that it is far more than a monetary commitment, if giving you their time and their effort, their loyalty, their love their children. They're not worthy of this principle that says, Don't forget the graciousness between you. It's a mighty principle.

And I know of another brother who divorced his wife,

and he had children from her.

And so what did he do? He rented out the flap that was above him in the same block of apartments.

And he said to her you live there.

And he paid for the electricity, the water, the gas, the bills, the rent.

And she and her children. They lived there and they would come downstairs and have dinner with Baba had breakfast with their father and they would go back upstairs with their mother in the evening. And he said I followed up with so and so. Life between us can't continue. I will support until the day she dies. She's the mother of my children. And Allah says Don't forget the graciousness between you Yes, we fallen out.

But there were good days. And that's what helps me he says stay sane and to support Subhanallah these people live long. These people are happy.

And another brother La ilaha illAllah. This one is perhaps even more profound and

Another brother who said that I have a wife.

And she's given me seven children may Allah bless her or Mulan

in one of the Gulf countries.

And unfortunately, with the passage of time and because of seven children what that does to the body of some women, she has developed a disease, he developed Parkinson disease to be specific, and every now and then she'll be touched by this type of paralysis and type of

passing out.

And I would have to take care of her from A to Zed he said, I mean, take her to the bathroom, and bathe her and clothe her and turn her from side to side when she's sleeping, and hand feed her. And he said, The love that I have for her is beyond your imagination.

And I pray to Allah that my day comes before hers. He said, I make dua that I die before she dies because I cannot bear the thought of living without the mother of so and so Munna because she's giving me seven children and she's giving me so much love. And I never forget the graciousness between us. This is how the Korean behaved, that's how the honorable person behaves.

So these are some examples of this principle in action.

So your husband, dear sister, generally speaking, he spends on generally speaking, he takes care of the bills, generally speaking, he's generous with his wealth. And then there was a small period of time when he's not

let it pass.

Because Allah says, well attend several fun, Lavina calm, don't forget the graciousness of the past between you.

Your wife, generally speaking takes care of the home, generally speaking is good with the children, generally speaking, dresses up for you how you want her to present herself you

there was a day or two or a period where she doesn't let it pass.

Because don't forget the graciousness between you

or you retire. And now you're on a pension and it's a low income.

Dear sister, are you now going to offend him and lose interest in him after that a lifetime's worth of spending now that he has a low pension, you've lost interest. Don't forget the graciousness between you, your spouse, your wife, my dear brother, or vice versa, they're beginning to lose their looks.

Time is now an age is putting its claws into your into your face and your joints and the wrinkles are appearing.

Are you going to lose now interest?

I'm knocking on the doors of infidelity

and dropping hurtful comments and eyes that start wandering around. What about the days of the Shabaab this woman this man gave their use to you and Allah said Latins, I will fight Lavina calm don't forget the graciousness between you.

So these are some examples. And by the way, this principle extends to every department of life, you can even extend it to your in laws. You say that I can't forget the graciousness of my in laws towards me. They chose me of all people to marry their daughter to marry their son. I cannot forget that favor of them upon me.

So your employees, your students, those who used to use to have some sort of relationship with that any capacity, don't forget the graciousness between you even if it was a moment of goodness that you shared with one another.

And that was why Imam will share with you he had beautiful words, and I leave it with this. He said the whole row,

man Halophila. Without hula hubba woman effort their whole life.

He said that a man of virtue is the one who remembers

a moments worth of love that he shared with an individual and one word of benefit that he took from a person. That's the person of virtue. You've shared a moment of love with a person you never forget this individual.

And you've benefited from that person with one word at some point in your life. You never forget that individual why? Because Latins will find love and don't forget the graciousness between you. So as I mentioned, this is a principle that is more so about how to behave during a moment of divorce. But I hope you see with the examples that I shared with you how effective it is, when you apply it in your day to day life before a divorce happens, where you're able to flush out and to forget all of the negatives.

Because of the many positives that outweigh the negatives, you don't forget the graciousness of the past. So with that Alhamdulillah we finished the penultimate batch of principles. Next week, which will be our final session, we're going to cover three more principles, how people are to behave in the last leg of this journey which is during and after divorce.

I was all alone and have you know Muhammad will have to lie on