Islamic Manners – Episode 02

Ali Albarghouthi


Channel: Ali Albarghouthi


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The speakers emphasize the importance of respecting older individuals and not just giving them too much opportunity. They stress the need for people to show respect for older individuals and not just give them the opportunity to speak. The speakers stress the importance of following guidance and not being overwhelmed by past experiences, and emphasize the importance of following rules of origin and not being overdoing it.

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have the minister you know who and stuff euro whenever we know he means Rudy and fusina was he RTI Melina Mija de la Vela mo de la la, la la fecha de la, la la la la la, la la sharika lah wa shadow Ana Mohammed Abu Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam early, he was so happy he was silom. So we proceed heavily now 40 explaining and reading from the book of manners mean edible Islam,

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highlighting some Islamic manners and their application shall and benefits because, above all, of course, it's not just knowledge. Like we said in the previous series about manners of seeking knowledge, it's not simply knowing these things that we're after we're after knowing them, and then starting to apply them and also to teach them. So whether you're a parent, father, a mother, or an educator, or a future educator, or a parent, or someone who can give advice, you will be able to inshallah, to communicate all this and teach it because one of the things that we are desperately in need of are Islamic manners, enhancing them, knowing what they are, appreciating what they are, and

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actually applying them. So in point number eight, in this book, and I'm reading from the Arabic translation, but there is an English translation I know that you have access to it says, quote number eight, that is when you seek permission to enter someone's home, have it Allah vasilich. guard your eyes, protect your eyes, that they will see anything inside the house, or perceive the IRA that is investigate and look to see our something that people have the house, your hosts would hate for you to see. holophane atellica I don't worry, sir. Okay, this is a kind of a disgrace. It's a kind of a fault of yours, to go and try to seek and take a glance at something that they're trying

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to hide an imperfection, whatever that imperfection may be. And it says here that a man came and he came or stood in front of the door of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam seeking permission to enter and he was right in front of it. So the Prophet sallallahu Sallam told him Hakka that anchor, meaning move to this side or to the side so that you don't, you're not in front of the door directly. And he says for in the molestie, the gentleman he did was, he says that seeking permission has been made or legislated, so that your eyes, your eyes don't see is because of the eyes that the eyes will not see what they're not supposed to see. So it is because of your eyes, that you're

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supposed to ask for permission before you enter. So of course, this is when we say happy that Abbasali protect your eyes. It is because you need to constantly protect your eyes, and you're saving your host. And you're saving yourself. Saving your host because your host, whether you're seeking permission to enter, he has invited you, your host when he opens his door, and he's about to receive you, or is about to entertain your question, he has entrusted you with something otherwise he could keep the door closed and ask you to head back. So when the person opens the door, he's sharing something private with you. And so he may not be aware, or she you know, for sisters may not

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be aware of things in the home that they would not like other people to see. So your your concerns should not be as soon as they open the door, I want to look inside and see what kind of couch they have, what kind of TV they have, what kind of mess they have left behind what they're cooking, whatever it is, it's not that you're not you're not a journalist trying to find out imperfections to go back and report them. No, there's a trust immediately between you and the host. As soon as they open the door. You guards your eyes, okay, you look the other way. So now, meaning that you move aside, move to the right move to the left. If you need to identify yourself, you know, you can stand

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in front of the door, so that through the people they can see who the who the person is. But your your your face is turned away turned away in a way that when they open the door, you're not going to see what's inside. And if they ask you of course, as we explained before, if they asked you who is this, you identify yourself I'm so and so son of so and so if you need to say that, but I'm so and so they clearly know who the person is. And when you open the door you protect you so you're protecting the host, but also you're protecting yourself.

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How are you protecting yourself? Because Subhanallah you don't know that you may see something that can harm you an image, right an image that could just stick in your head, stick in your heart and be a fitna for you. You don't know how. But that will be kind of a punishment for a person who is seeking the faults of others and they will be a fitna for that person.

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see something he can't get it out of his head. Right? It is see something beautiful, sees this. He's a temptation, I cannot get it out of your head. Why did it get into your head, because you allowed it in. So to protect yourself and to protect your host, you're supposed to guard your eyes and not look into another person's quarter, hoping to see something of theirs that you're not permitted to see.

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And he says here that, you know, it's reported that I'm going to talk about the Allahu anhu said, Mandela I know whom in Karachi, Beijing, habla new de nada hufa confessor. He says it's a it's a sin, and it's a disobedience for a person to fill his eyes of a person's home, meaning before a person is allowed to, he goes, and he fills his eyes, meaning he looks everywhere,

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and scans the entire home. He says that is a kind of a disobedience. Because if you think about it, it's a betrayal. As you think about it, somebody you invited somebody to your home, this is the understand that it is an Amana, you invited somebody to your home, and you want to honor them, and you want to celebrate them and you want to talk to them. But their intention when they want to enter their your home is what to find a mistake. Isn't that a betrayal of your invitation? Would you invite them? If you knew that this is what they wanted to do? You would never do this. So similarly, if you do that, then you have betrayed them.

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Then you have betrayed them because there is an understanding that there's this friendship or brotherhood between us. And no, no, I have broken the essence of that friendship. I'm looking for false, because I'm curious or I want to share that with others.

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And then he said and I think they would have mentioned this previously. He said somebody was looking through a hole into trying to see into the house of the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and that prophets olalia Selim at that moment, he had the middle. You hope to be here. It's like a needle. Okay, people who comb their hair with it. Fela Mara, who you saw in the prophets Allah seldom saw had saw him he said, though Alamo and Naka Tombow last aren't too beefy Nikki says if I knew that you were looking peeping into the house, I would poke your eye with this medrol in the majority of the state gentlemen agile bustle, okay, indeed, seeking permission is legislated and

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commanded because of the eyes. That is this person was spying. And this hadith is important for us to understand that this is actually the punishment for it. Even with the prophets, Allah set up did not punish him. But this is the punishment that is if you peep into people's home, imagine what the punishment is. But is it

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losing your sight? There is no, this is not how you're supposed to use your eyes, and you violated the sanctity of that home. So your actual punishment should be could be to lose your eye.

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So you understand how serious this is.

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And of course, if people don't feel safe in their homes, they lose trust in everyone. They lose trust in everyone. And you'll be able to discover secrets and things about them that they don't want anybody to know. And Subhanallah I mean, this is so important, because if you're able to protect your eyes like that, you'll be able to protect them everywhere else, and respect others for it. Now, you know, in some countries today, and this is where you know, this Islamic law and principles become fundamental.

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In some countries, non Muslim countries today they have spy camps. Right? And they put them in public restrooms, right? And they sell those images and they sell those videos. So imagine, imagine the violation of a person, you know, especially a female goes and she feels that she is protected. And it's a developed country, developed country. But there's a market for such a thing. So imagine Subhan Allah, the insult, and imagine the person who tamed himself did not go after to seek this image, but he buys it. It's the same thing. Because you're financing that crime. It's haram and you're financing that crime. So a person should lie. It should be modest enough to respect people's

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privacy and not spy and not spy.

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He says also, point number nine he says when you visit a person's home, or you enter your home, it says good latifi Metallica or Maharaj ik Be gentle as you enter and as you leave, logged on terrific our salty or salted. He says you know lowering your eyes and lowering your voice while at a cafe. mahali This is when you take off your shoes, put them in their proper place in the right place. Also fun alayka Mahima he says you know put them in the proper place organized while at the Omaha kadowaki do not scatter your shoes here and there.

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Well, I didn't say that but Luke said that you will

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And don't forget about the manners of wearing your shoes and taking them off. He said Salalah, Holly will send them when one of you wears his shoes or sandals, he begins with the right. And when he takes them off, he begins with that left.

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So a couple of few manners here, and he is talking here about when you're visiting someone. But it doesn't stop there. Of course, this is when you enter your home as well. Because more than visiting other people, you enter your home every day, she cannot have just manners about when I visit, people are going to be on the best behavior. But I'm going to forget all these manners when I go home, it can be then you don't have really good manners is it? That is the German meaning it is good that you're trying to adopt beautiful character. But then you are really not a person of a beautiful character. If you only apply it selectively. It means that what we're talking about here, whether

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you enter a person's home, your friend,

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someone that you respect your peer, or you enter your own home or you enter the masjid, public place, all that is included in what we're talking about. So what he says gentle as you enter an energy, leave your voice, you're not allowed, especially when you visit people, especially for instance, if you visit them, and you're friends, and you're staying up all night, don't disturb their neighbors. Don't disturb their neighbors as you leave your loud people you know, have work the next day, or they have young kids or they're old, and they need their sleep. So keep your voice down. And recognize and respect the neighbors of your friend, the neighbors of your hosts as you

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respect your own neighbors. And if you have invited someone, take care of the neighbors feelings as well, if tomorrow for you is a break is a holiday and you can stay up on you want to stay up not everybody can.

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And if you think that you're going to be loud, or you're going to stay up, or you're going to infringe on some of the rights of your neighbors, you go pre hand, preemptively knock on their door and say, Sorry, but this this, this may happen. Please forgive me if we're allowed for this or that knock on our door. That's proper. So hey, that's that proper etiquette. That's proper consideration because you want them to do the same with you to know that there is something that may disturb you, but if it does come and let me know. So panela your neighbors will love you and esteem you and respect you. If you do that. That's that's Noble. So be gentle as you enter gentle as you leave.

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Lower your voice lower your your eyes, your gaze.

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And he says your shoes, your shoes when you enter your shoe when you enter, what do you put your shoes? Okay, so be

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considerate your host when you enter, where should I place my shoes, you put them and you put them properly. But the same thing when you enter your home, it's not like okay, when I'm going to be on my best behavior, as I said when I visit my friend, but when I go and we're going home, I'm just gonna throw my shoes any everywhere. My wife is going to pick him up, my mother is gonna pick them up, throw my clothes on the ground, leave them on the ground, why? I'm not going to behave like that when I'm with strangers or friends. But when I'm at home, my mother will clean this up. My wife will take care of it. My so and so will take care of it. That's not that's not right. You're burdening

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somebody else. You're making their life difficult. And you're learning really really bad manners and etiquette. Now you take care of your own mess don't cause harm to others log on, there is no harm. You shouldn't be causing harm to others.

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burdening them any increasing their tasks so that they have to clean after you in addition to everything else. No. And it's the same thing when you come into the masjid he said he's gonna hear also says, Well hubnut the holy on morphine alayka. It says before you enter your home or anybody's home, look at your shoes under your shoes and see if you have dragging any mud in them. Then make sure you have the cleaned them outside before you come in.

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Again, so that you're not harming anyone. So that applies everywhere, including in the masjid. So when I come into the masjid, it's not like somebody's going to clean this. Well, who

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is somebody like you right? Is somebody like you who has volunteered to clean. So when you dirty the masjid, you're making the life harder on them. And on everybody else who comes after you and they get mud. Or they get their socks wet. Or they see an image that is repulsive.

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And they turn back and they say I don't want to be here because I've just come from a place that was sparkling that was clean. But when I every time I go to a method. There is this and there's that

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People are disorganized and people are unclean and people are uncouth and and and and so you're repelling people away. You're driving them away from the house of Allah as you don't realize it. But when you misbehave, it affects other people, right or wrong. And what does it take if all of us before we come into the house of Allah says, we say to ourselves, at least I'm going to leave this house of Allah as clean as I found it, at least not worse. But as good as I found it. So you enter and you look, my shoes, they're clean and hamdulillah. If the area is clearly marked, no shoes beyond this area, what do I do?

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I respect it. I respect it. And I take off my shoes, and I say, What do you take off first?

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left and then the right. And I put them on the shelf. I don't leave them on the floor. Unless I have an excuse. There's no room left. Otherwise they're on the shelf. Why should they be on the shelf?

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it's ease How are people going to enter and leave the masjid comfortably.

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And then so there are some people who are physically challenged you want to enter the masjid and you block it with your shoes.

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See your blood blocking the house of Allah azza wa jal when people want to enter and what are the shelves for decoration, right? What are they for? Put your shoes there and it just takes a little bit of discipline and a little bit of consideration and a little bit of knowing that this is a Hasina as you enter the house of Allah as legit and if you harm other people becomes a savior as you come into the house of Allah xojo so matters when you come to the house of Allah. And man was when you come into your own home and manners when you are invited into somebody's home as well.

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He says also point number 10 that who knows mo de fuego haka Finmeccanica, the UD suka v him in Manzini. But that actually is in the Haiku Angela suck. It says, Don't quarrel with your host, and where you're supposed to sit,

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only sit where he tells you to sit. Because perhaps if you sit where you want to sit, not where he tells you, you're gonna see something that he does not want you to see. So when you want to enter, right, especially if it's the first time, don't rush and sit somewhere, what matters dictate that? What do you want me to sit? Or you ask, Is this a good place? Okay, and you use your, you know, wisdom as well. I mean, don't look don't sit in a place that is facing the door where he's supposed to come in and out. And where his wife is supposed to talk to him and pass him things. Don't sit there sit in place where you're not going to see, okay. Anything that may disturb your host asked

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him where am I supposed to sit, and he'll tell you where to sit that would be more adequate, more comfortable for him and actually more comfortable for you. And he says Taco Bell now ukri mocha de la and he says an accept whatever thing he wants to honor you with

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whatever thing he favors, you will accept that thing. That's part of also being a good guest, as there are manners for being a good host. There's a manners for being good guests. And he says reported here that someone came to the messenger, the Sahaba de ID, you know, had him came and visited the messenger sallallahu alayhi wasallam. So he had offered them a pillow to sit on. And the Prophet sallallahu Sallam sat on the floor. So they used to sit on pillows, right? They had no sofas. So what would they offer the guest? Here's a pillow you would sit on it. So that person said no oh prophet of Allah use it on that pillow. He says no use it on it. And he sets a law to sell

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them on the floor. So meaning that if he offers you something, even if it is modest, accepted, accepted, and don't say, well, they didn't offer me anything. Or they didn't get they didn't have juice. They didn't offer me tea. They didn't offer me coffee. They didn't offer me this or that. Whatever they had them they offered you. That's NEMA from Allah azza wa jal. This is a blessing from Allah Islam. Do you accept what your host offers you? And don't criticize it? And don't criticize him? Especially when you leave? And don't think less of him? Because maybe he has offered you what he has at home, nothing else. Maybe this is what he's drinking right now. Maybe he has nothing else.

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Maybe there's something on his mind. Maybe, maybe, maybe maybe. So don't criticize your host or think less of him, because he did not offer you what you expect. But rather accept what he has and be grateful for it. Your chest will be better and you will live better like that and you will appreciate other people because of it. Let them offer you what they can offer. Don't burden them by asking for more or expecting more.

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Or at coming with a menu. You don't have this. You don't have that. Couldn't you give me this good that you give me that? accept what you what your host offers you.

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And he says what I did is he mechanicus law had been manzanilla either the aka introduce a fee. And this is one of also one of the reasons why you just simply don't sit wherever you want to sit

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He said salatu salam, he says laya Omen orajel orajel, official, tiny he was at an attack remote, he lobbies and he says you do not lead a person become the Imam in a person's home, except with His permission. And you do not sit in his favorite place except with His permission. Just like for instance, if you enter

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a king's kingdom,

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right, you're not gonna sit on the king's throne, unless the king invites you. Right? And you're not gonna, what's the other thing, and you're not gonna assume leadership in that kings court or kingdom. And Lizzy gives you that leadership. When you enter a person's home, you've entered his kingdom, and the small kingdom, Kingdom as well. So this is if he has a favorite place. He's most worthy of it, not you. So don't sit there. Unless he tells you, you can sit there. And if it's time for Salah, you don't have permission to be an Imam there he has the permission in the masjid, who has the permission to be the Imam or to assign it? The email? The assigned Mm hmm. All right, it

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tells you you can be the Imam or not, you cannot just assume it by yourself. Same thing in the person's home, you can assume that I'm going to be the email is in need his permission, otherwise, he is that email because that is a place of authority. So you need to ask first, where should I say? It's respect, isn't it? It's respect. You enter a person's home, where should I sit? You give deference to him? Yes, I will sit here this is your home you respect him. And because of that, he will respect you.

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important number 11. He says, He says he that. He says when you enter a person's home, and you spend time in it, or you spent the night in it follows that avacado be Basilicata poodle, fair. hustlin mama has a says don't inspect and scan the place.

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Every small detail in it. Okay. Whether you're sitting, whether you're sleeping, you go to the bathroom, you go to you're passing by somewhere and you're looking to find out what's here and what's there. If he allows you into a place again, that person is trusting you, trusting you not to spy trusting you not to open up closed doors trusting you not to reveal secrets that intend to be hidden, trust you not to reveal his or her secrets. And again, consider yourself. What would you do with a person who if he invited you invite him to your home?

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And as soon as you see them sitting here, they're looking at your phone? What phone is it? They're looking at your TV, looking at your sofa furniture? And they start asking you how much did this cost? How much did that cost? When you do buy this? What is this from?

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What is this an appraisal? What are you going to help me sell something in my home? What is this for? So your purpose is what to visit or simply to know. Because you're curious you need you need information. And that is by the way that that's that's a sign of an empty mind. And an empty heart is only interested in knowing what people have and what to not have so that they can envy them so that they would know how rich they are. So they can compare themselves to them. So they can tell others about what they saw on their home. That's not a person that you want in your own home. So if that's if you have that type of person, you're not going to be invited. And you shouldn't be

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invited. Because you're going to share all the fears and secrets with other people, you're not going to respect them. So when you come in, protect your eyes, protect your mind. Don't look around. So don't if there's something that is closed, don't open it as something that he kept away from you don't ask questions about it. If you need something, you ask them about it. And enter with the same respect that you have left and know that your host this is an Amana, between you and him. That that exchange that presence, your presence in his home in her home is Amanda between you two, you're not supposed to investigate in us because despite you're not supposed to share with people, anything

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that you see inside. So when you leave, you leave, as if you've not seen anything you leave without having opened or sought to see things that you're not supposed to see. And that again is respecting another person to treat others as you would like to be treated.

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And he says oh Emily, enter the hero. Dr. Mohler malizia he says you house so if you're going to visit someone, you have to choose the best time to visit them. And you spend an appropriate amount of time with them when you are visiting them without being a burden without visiting there too long as toward them, and to you know, disturb them. So first selecting the proper time to visit and I've had the lead today. You can text them, you can call them Can I come can

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I visit them they'll tell you when to come in when to visit, but also be selective in when to call.

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Understand who that other person is. Don't call them when they're going to go to sleep. Don't call them when they're busy. Don't call them when it's done Showtime or dinnertime, call them at appropriate times, if you're not going to call or at least text and seek the best time to visit, when you're not going to be a burden on them. And when you visit, choose the appropriate time and that is going to be different from one person to the other. So he quotes an Imam and Noah Wareham Allah, He says, we'll have to dedicate their lives. It says how long should I stay with someone who is left to Delica estimating This is different from one person to the other. Someone who's close to

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you, and enjoys their company or company and you know that they do, you can stay hours in their home, without without any problem. But somebody else they have worked the next day, or they need to talk to their spouse, or they need to be with their children, you can assume that they want to spend hours and hours with you. So be gentle. And be considerate, and understand that people are busy and they have other things that they need to do. So visit and be sure be light in that visit. And as soon as you have exchanged what you needed to exchange have done what you needed to do, then you move on, and you leave them and leave them in wanting more from you not saying and hamdulillah that

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he had left, right. So don't be a burden.

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He says also and if you start talking that the head desta,

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but at the head that's a little bit more universal mahkamah mean and eg as he says, Don't monopolize. Okay, again, if it's a company of more than two,

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and each person has the opportunity to speak, don't monopolize the conversation. It's just talking and talking and talking. But it says Be brief, and listen, and allow people to talk and he says what he does have a roll call me if you're the youngest in the crowd for that to tell them in the job but an answer early knew what Jay kameena had in jealousy and he says don't speak unless somebody is asking you a question. And you're replying with the answer. Oh, Illa either alimta Anahata kawakita maka saya amin houfy mocha yes aroma your the meaning Allah and or if you know that what you're going to say is accurate and is going to please people when they hear it. But again, the idea here

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is to be considerate and to allow people other people to speak and to be a listener more than a talker. And if you are the youngest, allow the older crowd to speak. And if you need to say something, again, be selective and be brief. Or as he said, either be a person who answers a question. What he mean really means is, listen, when you're young, listen, because there will be an opportunity for you to speak to contribute. It's not that your your contribution is insignificant, no it is it is significant. But listen for the appropriate time and consider what you're going to say because when you can do that then your contribution will be significant.

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He says either the hunter a damaged is in fact that'd be salami element fee Jamia? He says when you enter a gathering see Salaam to everybody who's inside, right? what you thought tell Mustafa tenement fee hiphop the field of Bali Allah Allah Allah Akbar. He says if you want to enter and you want a handshake, he says seek the most knowledgeable, or the oldest, okay, or the most pious meaning the post religious start with them and don't start with the right. So there are two opinions here about him with his issue, meaning that

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if there is a gathering and for of course you enter, and you can say Salaam Alaikum, to everybody and everybody replies with a Salaam. Now, if you're going to handshake, one by one, where do you start? You start with the right? Or do you seek as he said, the most knowledgeable or the oldest? There are two opinions in this issue. The first is what he mentioned in IQ. So there's a crowd. And they're young and old, and you know, knowledgeable and less knowledgeable. He says if you're going to start with handshaking, you see who's the most knowledgeable and who is the oldest and you seek them. And you handshake that person and then you move on to the right. And you continue with the

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right moving, moving along from the ride all the way to the left. But who do you start with? According to this opinion, the oldest or the most knowledgeable? The other opinion says no, regardless of knowledge or age, you start with the word. Right with the right. Okay, move from the right down all the way to the left. And there's evidence for this and evidence for that. Okay. Now why is there evidence for this and evidence for that? Well, lo alum. This is so because in the term of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam their habit was what wasn't that when you enter you would handshake everybody. Or when you bring food you would say you know, serve everybody individually,

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but rather than when they would enter they would say Salaam and they would sit

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You're with me, say Sam and they would sit, or they would they would bring food, they would bring it serve it in the middle, and people would come and eat. Or if they brought their food specifically to the Prophet sallallahu wasallam to bless it, they bring him directly to him. So this was the habit. So as habits changed, and now people started, you know, say salon, but they want a handshake, everybody know, that's something that is new. Or they want to now serve every party individually tea or coffee or whatever, rather than putting in the middle. Now, where do you start? So there's this opinion, and there is that opinion? And there's evidence for this, and there's evidence for that. So

00:30:37--> 00:30:44

according to the first opinion, what are the considerations that distinguish a person? What are they so that you would select them first?

00:30:46--> 00:31:28

age and wisdom knowledge? So if not distinctly, there is this big shift sitting in the middle, right? big shift, Big Island. And you know, and it's well known, you start with that person, or someone who I mean, everybody is young, but there is this older brother sitting there, you start with him, because of his age as our respect for his age, or religiously, you started with him because of his religiosity. When the and it becomes it has the benefit of the second opinion, the benefit of the second opinion is that when it becomes problematic to choose, I have two people. Both of them look older than what?

00:31:30--> 00:32:07

Yeah, that's a problem. who's older. So how old are you? And how old? Are you? Right? Okay, or to add to it? All right, this item and that item, what do you start? Right? Who's, who's better? So one benefit of the other opinion, is that, Okay, forget about it, you're just gonna start with it. Right? Right. So there's been that end, there's benefits here and there's benefit to that a lot. And so if what I'm going to say is that practically, if it's hard to decide, okay, based on age based, start with the right that's the easiest thing. And you go all the way to the left, okay, there's no thinking there's no problems with it. No one is going to feel insulted because they know that I'm

00:32:07--> 00:32:40

not being excluded or delayed because of anything that I'm lacking or that somebody hates me is simply that that person believes as soon as is what the right I'm just waiting for my turn and once you know we know once you reach that person you can honor him you know with extra this and with extra that it's always possible right so anyway any whether you whether you go with this or whether you go with that whether you are the recipient of this or the recipient of that don't feel don't have you know, any ill feelings inside your heart because the person is selecting this thing or is selecting that thing.

00:32:43--> 00:33:14

And we'll see in Sharla some evidence for for that inshallah. He says also point number 15 he says either the health damage Lisa further this VENA jelly Saini, what I can put in here Tahoma Amina? No, yes, it says when you enter a place a gathering, don't sit between two people. The two people are together, don't sit between them, but either sit to the right or set to their left. Because he sets a lot of us alumni usually so by not Audrina 11 isn't him, I do not sit between two men, except if you seek their permission.

00:33:16--> 00:33:17


00:33:18--> 00:33:57

This, by the way, includes Joomla, okay, includes Joomla as well, because they could be friends. And they want to sit together. And they purposely sat next to each other. And you come and you separate them. Okay, but they want to be together, right? They came together, or there's a reason for ymmv. Together, he says it's not your right to separate them. Unless you ask them, can I? Now if they've left a big gap, like and you come to Friday, and there's a big gap between them, and we need to fill the gaps. It's their fault that they did not fill that gap. But if there is no gap, you can force yourself between them, but rather you need to ask for their permission.

00:33:58--> 00:34:17

And if they allow it, yes, if not, you move to the right or you move to the left, right. So whether it's in a gathering, where you're invited to a walima, a party or whatever, and people are sitting next to each other, you need to be aware of that or you coming into a Friday prayer. You also you need to be aware of that. And he says

00:34:18--> 00:34:53

we used to have William Angela says it's recommended in some of the scholars recommended it, that if you sit between two people you don't take if you're like if you ask them for permission, and they allow you and you sit between them. Don't take too much space, and don't discomfort them by taking too much space. And you can see that in Friday. Sometimes they're already already cramped and you ask for more space and then when you want to sit the inconvenience one on the right. And one on the left. No, you're the guest. You're the one who came late. So if you're asking for permission, sit, but don't take way too much space. So that's part of etiquette as well. And he says if you sit

00:34:54--> 00:34:59

between them, don't ease drop. If they're talking, don't ease drop

00:35:00--> 00:35:40

Okay, unless it's not a secret and they you don't mind you listening to that it says otherwise don't seek their secrets. And he said so a lot of us allamani stem either hiding at home in rahula who carry horn. So Buffy O'Donnell and ruku Yama, Yama is voted by Al Bukhari says if you listen to some person or a people's conversation, while they hate that, you'd listen to what they're saying. Then molten lead will be dropped in your ears on the day of judgment will be poured into your ear on your day of judgment. And that again, is what that's the punishment of the year we saw we saw the punishment of the eye when it's looking when it's not supposed to look, the punishment for the ear

00:35:40--> 00:36:25

when it is drops, and those people hate that you would hear what they're saying. Yet you're listening to it. The punishment that deserved punishment is what that molten lead. Okay? molten lead, lead, okay, that has melted and is becoming I mean, liquidity will be poured into a person's ear. That's tough. But it says as you enjoyed, as you enjoyed the haraam getting into your ear. And there are a lot of harm that follows with it from this, when you start to eavesdrop. Okay, when you learn to eavesdrop, you've continued to eavesdrop. Whenever people are talking about something, and it's secrets, you're going to be listening to it, see, develop this terrible habit. And if you've

00:36:25--> 00:36:51

enjoyed this harm, the punishment for it is for a person to taste pain, through that sense, as he enjoyed pleasure. Now a person of course, that tells you that this is one of the major sins if there is such punishment for it would be a major sin. So this tells you that what, stop, stop doing this and train yourself not to be that person.

00:36:52--> 00:37:20

Not to be that empty person who just know wants to know what other people know what other people are talking about. But as as you preserve and protect your eyes, you also preserve and protect your ears. And again, as we said, with the eyes, you may see something and it may be a fitna for you. You may hear something, and may be a fitna for you. So protect yourself and protect your heart. And if a person has done this, they're supposed to repent to Allah azza wa jal from it. Okay, as opposed to repent to Allah.

00:37:21--> 00:37:50

And he says, while I'm in the hula, hula and to Sahaja de cerca de Hadith in a quantum salata, he says, if you are three, you're not supposed to talk, okay, in secret privately with one and exclude the other. If you're three, he sets a law to sell him later. Now, Jeff, and anybody know who my 30th it says to should not speak in private if there is a third third person who is excluded? And the reason is obvious. Why was the reason

00:37:51--> 00:37:54

is that when the third person what what is going to be

00:37:55--> 00:38:36

suspect something Why am I excluded? Why am I out? So, Allah xojo, he wants to close all the doors of the shaytaan all the doors of suspicion, all the doors of enmity and friction between the believers. And trust me, if a person does that that third person will hate the other two, I will never feel the same towards them. Unless you know, Allah. motive can change hearts, of course, but you'll never feel the same. Because why was I excluded? And why are they saying about me because it must be about me. And it may not be about you. But the shaytaan will take this opportunity capitalize on it and say they are talking about you because the shaitaan wants to destroy whatever

00:38:36--> 00:39:02

love or Amity between the believers. So you want to close that door? How do you close that door? You don't speak in private and exclude somebody else. So it says here ignore Omar says fame cannot allow more was asked if there are four rather than three. He says it's okay, then there are four instead of three. It says it's okay then what we say here that if the other two are going to feel excluded, and it's the same thing.

00:39:03--> 00:39:43

But what the difference here is that if they are three, the third one definitely will feel excluded. There's no other way definitely will feel excluded. But if they are four, there is the possibility that the other two will say fine, well, why wasn't excluded, because there's this other person and they're not talking about me, because this there's a so there is a possibility that they're not going to take it the wrong way. But if they are going to take it the wrong way, the same rule applies. So whenever there is harm like that the same rule applies. And by the way, because we speak more than one languages, I mean, many languages. The same applies to that by the well. That is if

00:39:43--> 00:39:50

there are three and if I start conversing with the other person with my language and the third person does not understand, isn't it the same?

00:39:52--> 00:39:59

Right? It's disrespectful and he'll say is believe the same thing. Or if we are more than that, even if we are four or five

00:40:00--> 00:40:05

Three of us are starting to talk in our language and we're excluding the other two, what are they going to feel?

00:40:07--> 00:40:28

Terrible. So it's the same thing, if it's going to make the other person feel bad, the same rule applies. You're not supposed to do this. So again, consider how the other person is feeling. You see how it says put yourself in their shoes, switch it, switch the tables, reverse the table, and then put yourself in his shoes. What is the talk? And I'm excluded all the times.

00:40:30--> 00:41:13

What about it? How would I feel the same thing that that person is feeling? So when he says a lot, he said, and he had laya tenaya. If nanny, Bina homothetic. To do not speak in private, and exclude a third, it means that this is as he says here. This is not a command or a prohibition. He says, This is not supposed to be as as a Muslim, you're supposed to be aware enough, and kind enough, that you're not going to be doing this. Your Islam propels you not to do this. So this is part of the character of the Muslim Yeah. And in this Hadith, the Prophet did not say, don't do it or do it. The Prophet say a Muslim is not supposed to do it, meaning this is part of your stable character, not to

00:41:13--> 00:41:17

harm others, by how you buy who you include and who you exclude. Right.

00:41:20--> 00:41:23

He says in point number 16,

00:41:24--> 00:41:42

we'll see insha Allah, how much of it will take, he says our Arif look aviary, otra haka, he says, recognize the respect that you need to give to one who's older than you. So anyone who's older, you give him the respect that is due to them for either Machito for cydonia, meaning him when

00:41:43--> 00:41:57

he was either the halter alhaja demo at a cafe Rouge. He says, When you walk, don't walk ahead of him. And we'll see in Sharla, either today or next time that this is what you're supposed to do with your parents. You don't walk in front of them.

00:41:58--> 00:42:09

The respect is your walk by their sight, by their sight, but never ahead of them. So but here, here he is generalizing and saying anyone who's older than you. You never walk ahead of them.

00:42:10--> 00:42:14

Either you walk by their side or behind him. Right.

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And he says way that a hotel hors d'oeuvre, you're going to enter or leave a place. You allow them to enter first, and leave first up allow them first not you. But they first to know whether it be he bought the haka home in a salami, Iran, he says when you meet them, give them the respect that is due when it comes to the salon, and general conversation. So how you address them how you talk to them. And the fact that you're young grew requires that you be the person who says Salaam the first so they don't give you. You with me, right? So the young and the old when you see them, don't say I'm gonna wait for him to say sit down, no, you're young, you're supposed to give them that the

00:42:54--> 00:43:11

Salah, that's part of the respect that you owe them. And also how you address them how you talk to them. way they shocked me Hadeeth when you were talking to them from akinwumi Academy of public, if you're talking to them, let them speak first. Give the opinion first give the advice first. And then you

00:43:12--> 00:43:40

reply, or add to it? Was there Mary Lee and you listen to them listen more than you talk. So Pamela, this is when someone is older than you. This is how you treat them? Well, you kind of inherited my early monaka if you need to talk or discuss an issue with them. Fair enough, they should be added in with Sakina. He says discuss it gently. And with respect meaning, let's suppose that they said something that is wrong. you discuss it, discuss it or refute or

00:43:42--> 00:43:45

analyze what they have said with respect

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with, you know, lower voice that conveys

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the honor that they're supposed to get way the hot auto owner data when you call them of course call them by their proper title, but they're not proper name. Father of so and so Mother of so and so on. The highlight is something like that, to distinguish them in age and give them the respect again that they need.

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He said, you know, part of the evidence for that he says two brothers came to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam to talk to them about an incident or an issue that they had, and one of them was older than the other. So the younger one wanted to speak and the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said to Kabir Kabir, he says, give the opportunity for the older give the opportunity for the older.

00:44:30--> 00:44:59

So yeah, the younger, the younger, sometime may have an ability, an orator or Yeah, he could, he could speak better than the older one. But still there is a respect that is due to the older, allow them to speak first. And then you can compliment whatever needs to be complimented, but allow the older older to speak first, and it's not a dictatorship. The idea here is not a dictatorship, but to realize that there is a right to those who are older than us. And if you don't give them that

00:45:00--> 00:45:03

Fried they're going to feel insulted and demeaned because of it.

00:45:04--> 00:45:48

So and it's not going to take anything from you when you put them ahead, as you will also expect from those who are younger than you to put you ahead and there's a hadith that will support this that will soon inshallah come. So he says could but actually is coming next inshallah he sits a lot he was seldom Lisa minim and then Eugene Lockerbie aurania, Wyatt Hamza, they are on our way out if the admin a haka, he said salatu salam, he's not one of us. The one who does not respect our elders, and does not it's not merciful what our young ones and knows and recognizes the rights that are due to our scholars, she talks about three categories and that insha Allah should be the last thing we

00:45:48--> 00:46:05

say tonight inshallah, there are three things he says a lot. He was telling him, he says, nice me now he's now one of us. The one who does not respect those who are older than he is, does not is not merciful with those who are younger than he is and does not respect those who are more knowledge than he does the alum.

00:46:06--> 00:46:23

What does it mean that he's not one of us. And he's that this is part of your Islam, as if she panela when you don't behave like this, you have exited from Islam not exited from Islam, that you become a calf it No, but exited from Islam, meaning your manners and your behavior and your demeanor is not that of a Muslim.

00:46:24--> 00:46:43

So that means that you'll be able to you should be able to recognize the Muslim through this behavior. And when you don't have this, you don't have the behavior of a Muslim. That's why he's not one of us. Meaning you don't have that strength of a man. You don't have that strength of conviction, you don't have the strength of Akita, you don't have the strength of practice. If you don't do this,

00:46:44--> 00:46:52

when there's someone is older than you, you respect them. With everything that we say said here, when they want to go you open the door for them.

00:46:53--> 00:47:02

When they want to leave, they leave first you offer them always the opportunity No, you leave first. When you call them you call them by a title that denotes respect.

00:47:04--> 00:47:14

When you walk you don't walk ahead of them, when they need help you assist them. When you want to one day want to talk they talk first and then you talk even though you may know more

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and we'll see evidence for it next week. inshallah, even though you may know more, but you give them the opportunity to talk. This is how we build relationships with other people. These are the people will love you This is Allah zildjian will send other people to do the same with you. As you've honored people Allah will send people to honor you. So someone who's older, you respect them.

00:47:37--> 00:47:38

You respect them.

00:47:39--> 00:47:40

If someone is younger,

00:47:41--> 00:47:42

what do you do?

00:47:44--> 00:47:55

Rama Merci. You see how it works? So if I'm if I'm honoring and respecting non who's older than me that the one who is older than me is also being merciful with me.

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And these are this relationship is fed by that behavior. Honor brings mercy and mercy brings honor.

00:48:04--> 00:48:14

So if there's someone who's younger than me, see them kids running in the masjid or someone a teenagers should never be harsh with them. Even if they're acting out.

00:48:15--> 00:48:16

What is this dilemma?

00:48:17--> 00:48:29

And if we don't have this Rama, the prophets Allah Islam says that no, no, that's that's not Islam. If you don't have this Rama there is not Islam. And you should ask Allah as Virgil for it, because you're supposed to develop this.

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As when someone came to the Prophet salatu salam, and he saw him once, kissing his grandson,

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one of his grandchildren. And he says this, he says, oh, Jani rasulillah I have 10 children, I've never kissed one of them once. It says he sets a lot of you send them What can I do if Allah has taken mercy out of your hearts? And what can I do to help if there is no mercy inside your heart? If you have 10 children and you've not kissed one of them? And this is what the prophet SAW listen with a grandson says no, that that's not that's not Islam. So when he sees anyone who's younger than you, you should approach them with mercy. Help them because you know, it's a panel a lot, especially today, there are a lot of fits and a lot of temptations a lot of reasons for them, not to come to

00:49:18--> 00:49:25

them as did not to be Muslims. So when you are merciful, especially if you mix this mercy with Islam,

00:49:26--> 00:49:28

they will remember you remember, you would

00:49:30--> 00:49:59

remember you that I used to come to the masjid and there is this, so and so even after your death, who was so kind to me, their memory until you're you know, wait until they're older and seniors themselves they will like the masjid because of you the like the way that you look, our Muslim looks because of your behavior and this is not a hammer. So we need these Rama, wood, the young and respect for the old and the last that he sets a lot of them is know the rights due to a scholar

00:50:00--> 00:50:08

someone knows more, whether they are young or old, you know, being young or old, you have no control over that Allah azza wa jal

00:50:10--> 00:50:24

brought you onto this earth, in this particular year, you have no control over it, but you have control over his knowledge and how much you have it. So whether you're young or old, you deserve respect because of it, not because of yourself. But because of what

00:50:25--> 00:50:26

what you're carrying.

00:50:28--> 00:51:10

So if I'm respecting, as you will see inshallah, later next week, if I'm respecting the person who had memorized the Quran, am I respecting them because of their genes, because of their color, because of their age, these are not important factors, what am I respecting them for, because they have within them what the book of laws of origin, so a person is, has knowledge has within them at him that Allah has given them respecting them because of that. So also, you respect them, like that, respect them by how you call them, where they sit, how you open doors for them, etc, etc. And that's not being subservient. Some people take it way, extreme way to the extreme. You see it sometimes,

00:51:10--> 00:51:45

especially among the mystics, and how they treat their whatever they call them, masters or whatever, and how they, when they enter, they prostrate before them, they always kiss their hands, you know, it's not it, that's not it. So not not a not an extreme way to become subservient to them. But it is enough that you would show them respect, because of the knowledge that they have. The last thing that I want to say is that especially it came to my mind, as I was talking about how you take off your shoes and put them on, somebody will say, you know, I don't know if we've talked about this in the first

00:51:46--> 00:52:09

first lecture. And some of people when they when they hear all of these recommendations and rules, they become overwhelmed. And they see I mean, like even how I take off their shoes and put it on even that even that there is something that I need to follow with That's too much. Well, I mean to that we say and then just to emphasize it, we say okay, if we say that this is recommended? Well, you don't have to do it.

00:52:10--> 00:52:47

If this is too much for you. And we're saying this is simply recommended, and you're not at a level where you'd be able to do all the recommended things. No one is asking you to do them, at least hold on to what the obligations hold on to the obligations. And the recommended things that as soon as they will come later, once your Eman is strong, and you're able to practice more than what you're doing at this moment. So if it's too much for you, don't worry about it, but do the obligations. But here one thing that we need to add is that, okay? If I want to comb my hair, put my shoes on, take him off wear this or wear that?

00:52:48--> 00:52:59

How am I going to do this? Like what guidance Am I going to follow? Okay, either I'm going to imitate someone, okay? Or I'll follow my own mood.

00:53:00--> 00:53:16

Or there has to be some proper way to do these things. These are the possible possibilities right? Now either I'm gonna follow my parents, I saw my parents dress this way, I'm just gonna dress this way. for good reason, bad reasons. I don't know they're doing it this way. I'm just gonna do it this way, right?

00:53:17--> 00:53:24

Or, I feel like doing it this way. So I'm just going to do it this way. or there might be actually a proper way to do it.

00:53:26--> 00:53:27

So Allah azza wa jal

00:53:29--> 00:53:51

through his prophets a lot he was alum tells you about the proper way to do it. If you choose to do it, that is up to you. And it's better and better. If you choose not to do it, then you've left off the proper way to dress the proper way to walk the proper way to talk. And you've chosen your own guidance or somebody else's guidance. Because whether you choose this or not, you're following someone.

00:53:53--> 00:54:33

Whether you choose this or that you eventually are going to follow someone how you dress, how you talk, how you walk, how you sit, how you sleep, you're following someone, and that someone could be somebody else, or your own mood. And that's not always the best choice. But rather, the prophets, a lot of cinema told you in some areas, it's wide open, do whatever you want. Do whatever you want. Take whatever profession you want, as long as it's hella no one is going to tell you do this or that. But in some other areas, there is guidance from Allah as odd as sleeping this way is better. Cleaning yourself this way is better, eating this weight is better. And if you do it, your life is

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enhanced, not only in character, but with a loss of aged when you meet him. If you don't, and it's as soon as that's fine. But if we want to hold on to the minimum, at least let's hold on to the minimum that is the obligations of Allah azza wa jal and as kimia Allah, I can do this now. Not looking down on it, I can do this now. But give me the wisdom and give me the patience and the ability to be able to do that in the future. But keep it in mind. Learn it in

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Keep it in mind. I'm not applying it now. But later in sha Allah, my intention is to follow it. Right? So we've seen stop here in sha Allah. See if you have questions and we'll continue to anila with that next week