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Before You Divorce

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Ali Albarghouthi

Channel: Ali Albarghouthi

Episode Notes

Friday Khutbah

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.

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Yeah, well my yield lil fella her de la y shadow Allah Ilaha illa Allah Hua hula Cherie Keller, one number Hamedan Abu Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa salam, a MOBA in the halal Hadith Nikita Wallahi to Allah. Wa Hey Ron, had you had you Mohammed in sallallahu alayhi wa salam were short on Ohmori Mahathir to her Wakulla Mahabharata tiene be the

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Allah Allahu Allah, Allah that infinity

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and my bad

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Allah azza wa jal said, Well, I mean it he and Haleakala coming on fusi calm as well as the latest Kuno ala you watch Oliver in a coma with the terroir Rama.

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He says among His Signs is that he had created for you from yourselves mates so that you could find comfort and harmony with them. And he established between you love and mercy.

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So this unit that we call the family and that attraction between the male and the female, is first one of the signs of Allah azza wa jal, which upon contemplation Allah, a person can get closer to the Almighty by learning the lessons that he can get from it. So it is in itself an idea, people who are strangers, Allah could bring them together until they become the closest of human beings.

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So in addition to it being

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an AI, it's also an AMA,

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a favor and a bounty from Allah subhanho wa taala. And an AI man, a bounty needs to be preserved and protected. In addition to thanking Allah for it for making that a possibility. You think about it, whether one is in male or female without the company of the other, it'd be very difficult for them to find that harmony and comfort and the level of intimacy and love that they could find with that opposite mate. If Allah did not facilitate it, it would not be facilitated or would not be possible.

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And if it's near Amma it needs to be preserved. And we understand that the shaytaan in many of his attempts to sway and corrupt one of his main goals is to corrupt the family and destroy it. And in the authentic hadith Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says in a Lisa, you're the outer shell who had an MA, he says a bliss establishes His throne on water through Maya through Sanaya. Then he sends his battalions, devils so that they could could corrupt on Earth. For a Vamo home word now whom la HeMan Zilla Allah whom fitna is is the one he favors the most. And the one he brings closest to him is the one that can cause the greatest corruption for you at a HUD home in a fire cool for Al

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to get the fire Kuru Martha Altia che. So one of the devils that he would send comes back to a bliss and he says, This is what I did. He says you didn't do much. And another comes and he says matter to who had her for October, you know who have a number at Carla near him and, and the other comes and says I did not let go of that person until I separated between him and his wife. He says you're the one and he brings him closest to him. So one of the greatest things that bliss wants to establish is to break the family. And that's why he considered the breaking or the working of that devil to be the greatest thing that deserves that honor, honor of corruption. Because when you break a family

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that My Word and Ramadan Allah had talked about, that existed between two individuals and also between families turns into hatred and cruelty.

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Not only between two individuals but between families. And it opens the door for the Haram and it makes Halal even more difficult and sour.

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And the harm upon the children is unmeasurable.

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It is difficult enough

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to raise children wealth in today's world, while having two parents

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imagining the odds of raising good children as a single parent, without having your the father around or the mother around. The difficulty, predicts catastrophe in the future.

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And so Muslims must have the intent the opposite intent of the shaytaan. If the shaytaan wants to destroy the family, the intent of the Muslim should be what to preserve it opposite of the intent of the

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if the shaytaan tries to ruin that relationship, a Muslim must do their best male or female, to preserve that relationship because they understand that that structure of marriage is divinely mandated and who made it so, who created this marriage and love and unit Allah azza wa jal family, as a structure should not be tampered with should not be redefined. This is from Allah azza wa jal, and should continue as it is, and should be preserved, because society as a whole suffers.

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And that's why divorce is such a dangerous calamity.

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We understand that at times divorce could be the only solution.

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But at the rate that it is right now, globally and locally, it is dangerous, because it does not only undermine society as a whole, and it does undermine society. And you can see how some societies are grappling with the idea or grappling with the reality of people not getting married, dwindling birth rate, and how that spells in terms of economic forecasts for that country. They want to encourage people to marry and to have children, which is exactly what we have in Islam, but they're doing it for the sake of money and the economy. We're doing it for the sake of the hereafter and then also for the dunya.

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And typically, modern culture devalues the family and devalues marriage.

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And we want to create a current and a trend that challenges this based on belief in Allah and following the Sunnah of Rasulullah he sallallahu alayhi wa salam.

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And so the first thing that we want to say in order for a person, to have a good marriage, and avoid divorce, unless it is absolutely necessary

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is to be close to Allah subhanho wa Taala and love Him and fear Him that begins with the choice of your mate, your spouse, how you want to choose. Look at all the qualities that you want, but you must add to them essential to all of them. That this person must love and fear Allah Subhana Allah to Allah and Allah, they must base their life on it.

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And then they could have other qualities that you seek in a mate. But they must be good believing men and good believing woman.

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And you may have said, I've already made that choice.

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It's not too late. It's not too late to save your marriage and improve it. Because you can always come back to Allah azza wa jal, and you can always fix your mate. And that is the next thing in terms of advice, which is what which is that you must be a practicing Muslim, someone who fears and loves Allah, someone who actually worships Allah inside your house and outside for Allah to bless it. Because when that is absent, you give access to the shaytaan to do whatever they want with the with that family. But if you pray, and you fast, and you read your Quran, and you read your car, and you and you are frequent in your DUA, you can be in the LA isodiol First overcome many problems. And

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at the same time, shield yourself from the influence of the shaytaan. So protect yourself from the shaytaan and put Baraka in your home. And if you're having a problem at this moment, one of the easiest thing before you even consulting anybody else, is increase your dako of Allah azza wa jal, you have a problem, Medicaid with

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Medicaid with

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between then and your karma in your sujood after your salah the last part of the night Medicaid that withdraw and keep asking Allah Zoda to fix you and to fix your mate

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and greet Quran frequently and read surah baqarah so that it can bring Branca to your house. And you will begin to see after days and after weeks of diligent repetition of a birder the effect of that on you and your mate and on your children. So you want to shield yourself from the shaytaan and in fact, there is a Hadith from Rasulullah he sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that the intervention of the Shaitaan reaches a degree what he could at times place things in the house so that the husband and wife could fight.

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Oh, you did not clean this very well. And it's not that she did not clean or did not that he did not clean but that the shaytaan in fact plays something in the house to ignite the fire of

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disagreement and hatred between them just to start an argument. So how are you going to stop this? And you cannot see the shaytaan where is the earth card? Where is the Quran? Where is your dua that will shield you. But it also in addition to all of this, what it does when you're religious and that's what religion is supposed to do is that it improves your character and gives you more patience and wisdom.

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We have to know whether we are male or female,

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that this bond of marriage Allah azza wa jal called it Meetha Lila, a solemn covenant, a serious covenant.

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What hasn't been committed can Oliva

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and it's a covenant because with your word, now you can be intimate with a stranger

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with your word. Now we have say over what she can do or over what he can do.

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You have power.

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And so Allah azza wa jal is telling you you have to take this seriously when you say I accept to be married to so and so. Then I'm accepting responsibility for them as well. I'm accepting that Allah will ask me about them. I'm accepting that how I am with Allah azza wa jal also will be based on how I am with other people around me. And to begin with my husband and with my wife. Rasulullah Salallahu Salam says hi Eurocom Eurocom Lian Li hai Eurocom Leah Holly, it says the best of you is the best to his family, and I'm the best to my family.

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So, if Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is saying that this hydrea being good, depends on what also being good towards your wife. If you want to be good with Allah azza wa jal, you can harm your wife and say I'm good. You cannot be unkind to her and say I am good. You're not good with Allah azza wa jal unless you also are good with your wife as well. And he said sallallahu alayhi wa sallam also in the other hadith

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is still so be Nyssa if a Euro so in the home the whole economy will we're in our Joshi into the AI Our Allah, we're in Dhaka in the hub to people who can sorta first also be Nisa, if a euro is said sallallahu alayhi wasallam take good care of women,

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because they were created from a rib. And the most bent part of a rib is the top part of it. And if you want to straighten it, you will break it. So take good care of woman. And he's uh, he's saying here sal Allahu Allahu alayhi wa sallam that you cannot have a female, thick, exactly and do exactly as you do, she'll be different.

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And if you want her to be exactly straight as you are, you're going to break her and breaking her is divorce. But rather what you should do is what? Look at the good and overlook the bad, as long as the bad is not haram.

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And that's the meaning of another Hadith. When Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Leia fragomen, Mina in Cary Hammond Hello cannot the car is a believing man does not hate a believing woman. If he hates one thing about her, he's pleased with another.

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And that is the just outlook that a believing man and woman should have well, not only just talking about men here, but believe in male or female should have meaning when you're looking at your mate, of course, you're going to find imperfections in them.

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And now we have the disease of comparison going on.

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Where you look at somebody else's spouse, or you look on social media, and you compare what their life is to yours. And then you come back with so much discontent and anger.

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And here we must say that that comparison should stop and his false. Allah Zota had destined that this would be your spouse, look at them objectively, and then look back at yourself objectively, is there every is everything about them, evil and bad and flawed. It can't be what's good about them. Accept that and take it and cultivate it and build it up. Make do for them, guide them to the right path. Be patient with them. After all, you chose this or you accepted that choice. And the bad, tolerate, be patient make do try to fix and it will take time, but eventually it will be worth it.

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But this is the just outlook. You can't look at her and you say she's not this and she's not that hoping that you will get something better somewhere else and discard this woman and you cannot look at him and he say he doesn't do this. He doesn't do that and discard the entire person not seeing the good that is in them. If we keep doing that your imperfections and my imperfections will keep growing

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thing, and no one will stay married because you yourself, in case you're only seeing imperfections in your mate, you also have imperfections. So do you want him? Or do you want her to leave you because of your imperfections, or to work with you so that you'd be a better lawyer for a minute. And that's the justice that we want in Islam.

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So when he said sallallahu alayhi wa salam to take good care of them,

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we have to listen to him at his Salatu was Salam.

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And that includes what includes a times not engaging in arguments simply for winning an argument, not making a big deal out of nothing.

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turning the other way,

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forgetting about little annoying things, and focusing on the big picture

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and continuously asking Allah azza wa jal for support.

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And same thing goes for a female.

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As we said, modern culture devalues marriage. And at the first sign and hint of trouble. You hear this leave him, you will be better off without him. Leave him you will find somebody, someone and something else. Or he's telling you to do this. And to do that, don't listen to him. Because the modern culture which is very global right now, wants to liberate anybody from anything specially from what they consider to be the yoke and bond of marriage. Marriage is not a yoke. It's not a burden. It's an opportunity. And tell me please, if you leave marriage and you've leave the family, are you going to find fulfillment?

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In the haram?

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Allah azza wa jal had given one way for that type of fulfillment, which is the family itself. So you cannot give up on a person that you said I want this person to be my mate.

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So for the wife,

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Allah the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said are you remember it and solid Hamza? Osama shahada, ha Well Hassan at Florida Water had Zoda created a hot holy Jana mean a year where Bill, gentlemen were Beheshti.

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He says whatever woman prays the five daily prayers and fast the month of Ramadan and is chaste and She obeys her husband she will be told enter Jana from whatever gate you want from the gates of Jana.

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These become the basic requirements to enter gender for a female who was married the the some rights that belong to Allah azza wa jal and some are rights that belong to the husband. But they are connected by the way. Because a female who fears and loves Allah subhana wa Tada will not be able to do the last until she does the first until she says it's not about my ego. It's not about whatever I'm right or wrong. Same thing goes for the meat may have five by the way. It's not about my ego. It's not about me being right or wrong, but it's about what pleases Allah subhanho wa taala.

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And he said Alayhi Salatu was Salam. In another Hadith. It says that the believing woman is the woman who won she has a fight with her husband, they have an argument with the husband. And though she's right and he's wrong, and he's angry with her, she goes and she sits next to him, she holds his hand and she said, I will not go to sleep until you are pleased with me.

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He said that this is the woman of paradise. Because it's not easy to do this thing. Just like it's not easy to always pray on time or too fast. It's not always easy to give sadaqa and it's not always easy to do this thing but a woman would only do this if What if she wants to please what? Allah azza wa jal so it's not about her ego or his ego. And the same thing for a male as well. It's not about my ego, and I have to be right all the time. You have to understand the amount of pressure and fitna that is directed at women today.

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You cannot be the kind of man today realistically, we're talking you cannot be the kind of man today that men were 100 years back. It's very difficult.

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You have to act with a lot of wisdom and with a lot of compassion until your wife understands what Allah loves. And what the prophets of Allah Allah He was sinless. How people are supposed to live, because she sees the other side. And the other side promises are the paradise of liberation, of autonomy. Nobody has to tell you what to do. And if she comes home and she said he just only hears command, do this and do not do that restrictions. And at the same time, there is no love. There is no communication. She's going to rebel. She's going to leave.

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So we have to

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To be wise, and how we treat our mates exactly as we are wise and how we raise our children. It Allah azza wa jal grant is this wisdom and grant us this patients, according to Holy Harada was the federal law and he would have confessed.

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hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen Hamdan cathinones even with ara confy, who also leawo Salam o Allah Rasool e Muhammad, wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa salam.

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There's a Hadith from Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam where he said about will halili Allahu taala. The Halal that Allah hates the most is stuck. And what testifies to the meaning of that hadith is the Hadith that we began with the scottburgh with the shaytaan senses battalions, because the greatest corruption that he considers to be a true corruption is separating and breaking the family. So that's true. The shaytaan loves it so much, that it must be that Allah azza wa jal dislikes this.

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And so before a person decides that they want to go and they want to divorce and they want to separate, I urge them first to contemplate the effect that that will have on them and their children. And whether this is pleasing to Allah azza wa jal or not. Because once you have a child, you are only responsible for yourself, you're responsible for the future of another human being. And he can imagine the amount especially in today's culture, the amount of harm that will be done to that person, first out of the friction, that is going to take place between husband and wife. Second, because of the neglect of must happen because you don't have time for him and her, they

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neglect that gonna happen that's going to fill them with such resentment. And what's going to take the place of that emptiness is other people teaching them how they're supposed to live and what they're supposed to think you can imagine that, that psychological damage that this is going to do to them. So before you take that step, take a look at your children and say, I'm going to be asked about these people. So it's not just I can't take it anymore, I need to leave. There's a child involved. And now you're responsible. And you have to do the best for them first, because there are children who are dependent on you.

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Second, understand that it's not so simple to say I want to I want to divorce

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if there is no reason if there is no harm.

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It's not actually allowed just to do that. I want to divorce Rasul Allah is Allah Allah He was Sydenham said in the Hadith, or you remember it in salad xojo Tala community remember sin for haram en la hora Yatta Jin.

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He said la Salatu was Salam. Wherever a woman asks her husband for divorce without harm being on her receiving harm.

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It is she will not get to smell the fragrance of paradise.

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Of course that what implies what distance distance meaning that this is a major sin and distance from Jana until eventually Allah forgives the thing.

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But here asking for divorce without a reason. What did he say? alayhi salatu salam. He said there's that will distance you from Jana. That means that it is not an easy request. And a woman should think carefully about it before deciding that this is the case. And Allah as though did have stipulated in the Quran steps before you even reach that. Wala Tita halfmoon no shoes a whole nother area and sorta Nisa, you have to take steps. If you're male or female, you have to talk. You have to remind of Allah azza wa jal what is missing. Let's work on it. Let's try to reconcile. Let's try to think let's try to read let's write to consult, counseling, all these things should be taken before

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you even think about divorce. And even at the end, Allah azza wa jal

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it says how can I help you? How can I mean earlier,

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that eventually also that if they cannot, you know, fix the thing themselves, sent and judge from his side and the judge from her side and let them sit and let them decide? Who is to blame? What is right what is wrong? Should they continue or are they separate, but you bringing outsiders from each family wise, respected, trusted outsiders but from the family who can decide and that is another step before you reach divorce. And then eventually if divorce has to be then it has to be but there are steps before you reach that

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at the rate that it is right now where people just get married and get divorced, get married and get divorced, and that get

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turned off because of it. I'm never getting married after this because of the harm that I've seen because of the difficulties in it. And other non married people hear that and they say we also don't want to get married. And then what happens?

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The door of the Haram is wide open and we've closed almost entirely the door of the Hello. Then what happens to Muslims what happens to society as a whole and what happens to humanity? So Allah azza wa jal knows the best. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam had guided to the best. And we're saying that this is something that Allah azza wa jal does not like, Allah loves marriage, and he loves the family. And when you have taken upon yourself to form a family like this, and do it with the best of intention, keep asking Allah for support, and know that throughout throughout your marriage, the shaitaan is going to try to interfere. And when you're living with someone, especially

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for an extended period, day in and day out, there will going to be frictions, and these frictions could accumulate. Rather than try to sweep them away. Try to deal with them. If there is something that you could fix in yourself, fix it. If you something that your mate needs to change, ask Allah for it, and maybe ask them about it. But try to fix something so that you don't eventually see yourself without

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the ability to tolerate. Because every day is a struggle. It's not supposed to be like that. It's not supposed to be a struggle like that. But keep asking Allah azza wa jal and eventually also know

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that many times, how your mates are is a reflection of you as well.

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It takes two people to argue, right?

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So if you want to be or have a better mate, change the reflection, which is yourself.

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Be a better person, a better believer, and Allah zoton will change the believer for you, your mate, whilst Lana Allahu xojo.

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Allah azza wa jal can fix your meat for you and improve them and make them the best person right beside you, those who will support you more than anybody else in the world, but change so that you could see change and ask Allah azza wa jal and Allah will grant you and shield yourself from the shaytaan to protect the family for breaking up to ask Allah Allah, Allah Allah mean or hamara hai mean, to make us of those who form families loving families, upon what he loves, and away from what he hates. We ask Allah Marbel Allah me to make us of those who for families that will take us to Jana and protect us from hellfire was so horrible Allah mean to put harmony and love between our

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spouses and us, between our children of an hour and us between our parents and us. We ask Allah to bless our families and increase them in love and unity honorable Allah mean and protect us from the harm of divorce, where she will Allah mean if we had harmed someone whether we are divorcing or they have divorced or about to ask us Hello but allow me to give us the best of manners so that we don't harm someone. And if we had to harm someone ask Who asked you about Allah mean to forgive the harm that we have done them whereas the audible allow me to help us raise our children the best that we can we ask you all about Allah mean to make our children pleasing children for you in the dunya and

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the earth here but Allah mean whilst you're about Allah, me to forgive us all of our sins, whereas your Kamara I mean to me because of the people of Jana and out of the people of hellfire was to allow me to protect us from all harm in this dunya and in the earth era. And to grant us all the good in this dunya and in the earth era, Aloma attina for dunya Hassan our Villa Clara de hacer una Joaquina either but now Allah Maya mocha liberal colobus a bit Kuru bene Allah de Nick Aloha Maya Musa prefer Adobe sunreef kuru BANA adatta. Arctic Allahumma in either cricket or shoe Cricket was near EBA the tick your hierarchy your movie or hermetic and studies are slow Helen Asha and an Akula

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Willa Tekin, Ilan fusina Tata I welcome you