Workshop On Marriage

Alaa Elsayed

Channel: Alaa Elsayed

Episode Notes

share this pageShare Page

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


00:00:00--> 00:00:00

La,

00:00:02--> 00:00:03

La La,

00:00:06--> 00:00:07

La La,

00:00:09--> 00:00:10

La

00:00:15--> 00:00:16

La La

00:00:18--> 00:00:19

rasulillah

00:00:36--> 00:01:23

Welcome back to the second day of a beautiful first emotional day, we're lucky, I can't tell you how proud I am to be part of this group that you've invited to the beautiful country of yours, which is called training ally, I can tell you that this is indeed a very unique conference like no other. I'll explain that in Shaolin the second lecture, but today, the topic is the marriage workshop. This poor slave of Allah is actually one of the instructors for our culture Institute. And there's a course that I teach, it's called the Home sweet home. It's all about family from a desert, but it takes two full days. We will just work on one aspect of it today.

00:01:24--> 00:01:33

Which is one of the most important if not the most important of that family life. It is a proactive approach to a happy family.

00:01:35--> 00:01:47

Not reactive so I'll be talking tonight today about some of us who are still asleep it looks like I'll be talking today this morning. If you're awake raise your hand

00:01:48--> 00:01:52

Okay good. I was just testing this thing see if this thing is on it is on Okay.

00:01:54--> 00:01:57

All right. So we'll talk about something called the four by four

00:01:59--> 00:02:00

the four by four factor

00:02:02--> 00:02:08

so the first four I will talk to my dear sisters in Islam about what to look for in

00:02:09--> 00:02:13

the second floor I will talk about what my dear brother will look for in a sister

00:02:15--> 00:02:21

and the third floor I will be giving you the four steps you have to do before you see I do

00:02:23--> 00:02:30

and the third and the fourth floor is that advice I usually give couples after they get married

00:02:32--> 00:02:34

remember I will be asking you questions this time

00:02:36--> 00:02:40

so be careful and it's going to be between brothers and sisters. So don't let me down man

00:02:42--> 00:02:55

okay in the lecture in itself may Allah bless them very generous indeed. We talked about parenting and we said the first half the first right for your child is

00:02:57--> 00:03:04

choosing your spouse before your child is even born they have the have the right

00:03:05--> 00:03:13

upon you for choosing the father or choosing the mother the seed and the land and the tree that we talked about previously slightly

00:03:15--> 00:03:16

last night.

00:03:17--> 00:03:19

So let us go into the four

00:03:22--> 00:03:25

so my dear sister from another mister

00:03:27--> 00:03:30

if he looked for a brother from another mother

00:03:32--> 00:03:49

What should he be looking for? Most of the time I go to the sisters when they ask you know my husband is doing this My husband is doing that is not good to me and and and you know what the first question I asked the sisters based on what?

00:03:51--> 00:03:54

Based on what did you say I do to this man?

00:03:56--> 00:04:21

That's what it is. If they tell me Oh yes, he looked like Fabio, the six pack. And the thing where's the beach? And the hair is flying. Oh, did you see the way Did you see this? All that stuff? I go Suppan I love the allows of hi Nigella Viola mentioned things in the Quran and Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam mentioned things in the sun that they tell you here is what you look for in the man

00:04:22--> 00:04:52

and given your criteria and the field to look for. Now if you neglect that and you choose to disregard the commands of Allah and the Sunnah of Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam. We pay the price and it's a simple formula indeed. If you eat do it, you'll be happy in this life in the hereafter. If you don't you pay the price. It's a very simple formula. So let's go through the four by four jhala The first thing of T I'll be telling you about the four criterias you look for in a man.

00:04:53--> 00:04:59

However, when I talk to the sisters about the four criterias in the man, what am I like? What am I talking to you for it

00:05:00--> 00:05:40

I'm talking to you indirectly to be that four criterias in the math. So I'm talking to the sisters to look for the four criterias in the man, and I'm asking you indirectly to be or obtain the four characteristics that I will be talking to the sisters. Similarly, when I talk to you about the four criterias you look for in a sister, I'm talking indirectly to the sisters, to obtain the four characteristics that are mentioned, for the man to look for my wife. So please listen with your hearts. We are going to take our pride and arrogance and leave it outside these doors. We are going to submit to Allah Allah Subhana Allah Allah, Allah says in the Quran, and the Sunnah

00:05:41--> 00:05:47

of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he is our he's our leader. And what am I am disappointed Allah in Hawaii.

00:05:48--> 00:05:52

He does not speak of his own whims and desires is the revelation bestowed upon him.

00:05:53--> 00:06:05

So the first thing is for criterias for a man that you look for, there are two mentioned the plan and two mentioned in the sooner the first two that I mentioned the question yeah, but is there in the hierarchy?

00:06:09--> 00:06:11

I mean, to

00:06:12--> 00:06:22

me, so the two things you look for first of the intagram that is mentioned over my father hire him. That is the daughter of schrade.

00:06:24--> 00:06:26

When musante is that, I'm Kim.

00:06:27--> 00:06:37

And she saw how trustworthy he was, and how strong he was. She talked to her father or father hire him, meaning she's interested in marrying him.

00:06:40--> 00:06:47

Indeed, the best of those who you hire a weak, meaning strong, and I mean, meaning trustworthy.

00:06:48--> 00:06:55

So alcovy according to a tabari cover up man, however, the recent scholar says Chloe in everything

00:06:58--> 00:07:04

which means financially, physically, mentally, intellectually, academically, of course, and religiously.

00:07:06--> 00:07:08

every aspect of life You should be strong,

00:07:09--> 00:07:39

or weak, or your life will be a strong believer is better than the weak believer, but they're all good. They're both good. But however, that first thing of me but I'm not asking for the man that benches 300 and squat 700 I don't mean that. I understand that you may be looking for a man that will carry you. You know, you've been watching these bollywood movies, right? The guy has a flower in their teeth, and the hair is flying and the sun is setting and the birds are flying again. And the guy kicks the door open and the carrying is

00:07:42--> 00:08:20

I'm not asking for that. This is slightly different. I'm talking about Boyd EMA and the string that EMA and that is that according to slavery, and that's a stronger opinion, however strong and everything is very important. Jolla, that's the first criteria you should be looking for. The second thing is trustworthy. I mean, why? Because you really are going to be under that his guardianship of the r1 and acoem. They are like hostages. He said that when you submit your basically your father when he puts his hand and need your future husband and he's transferring the motto. He's actually transferring the guardianship. I looked after my daughter you are now you're looking after her. So

00:08:20--> 00:08:28

you're trusting your life with this man. I'm going to ask you one thing. If this man is going to take you to heaven or hell ask you question

00:08:30--> 00:09:09

Is he trustworthy enough with you to see if that if there's a gold night which is I can't believe that happens in 3d But imagine if there's a cold night and the window is open, will he not be a mean enough to close the window or cover you at least? How could he not be able to close or at want to close the gates of Hellfire or how how could he open the gate of Hellfire What I mean by that? If the sisters Mahadeva says you know what? Take up the job. show something tighten this shorten that that is not an amine brother and especially if he comes talk to you before in the behind your father's back. And you know what? You know my intention is good. And I can tell you and I don't mean

00:09:09--> 00:09:15

anything will lie Don't get me wrong. But remember of the before you get married as men you will know whether he's I mean or not.

00:09:17--> 00:09:23

For example, you know a nighttime that he's talking to you right? Hey baby How you doing?

00:09:25--> 00:09:28

What are you wearing tomorrow because I want to match because we

00:09:31--> 00:09:32

know that you look so good.

00:09:37--> 00:09:43

And all of a sudden the door opens you hear in the background as the brother is talking G and his his father

00:09:45--> 00:09:48

Luke, I'm your father.

00:09:50--> 00:09:58

And all of a sudden a brother is talking to you about Hey baby, how you doing? And he says Yes brother Abdullah will talk about FC Hanukkah tonight in the masjid inshallah was

00:10:00--> 00:10:01

Who you kidding, man?

00:10:02--> 00:10:31

That's not a mean. So you understand, you have already some flags you raise this brother is beaut you come to the gates, not the balcony is we don't have this, Rapunzel throw down your hair. We don't have that stuff we have or an incident that you come knock on the door Yes, with my hand the marriage through my father accordingly, and so on. It's a very big topic, but I will try my best to stick to the four by four inshallah.

00:10:33--> 00:10:38

Now you understand also how to measure that. I mean, you understand the brother will come to us as

00:10:40--> 00:10:46

a speaker really nicely in all that, you know, my intention is very clear in all of this stuff. And as soon as you look away, what does the brother do?

00:10:48--> 00:10:50

He checks you out upside down, right? I mean, he's walking all over the place.

00:10:52--> 00:10:58

It's not I mean, how are you? I understand this royal Sharia in her father's presidency.

00:11:00--> 00:11:08

He has to have a Muharram shaytan doesn't go far. And I know what I'm talking about what law he people come to my office and say, Listen, my daughter is pregnant from

00:11:10--> 00:11:16

Malawi, because we let loose, you can go ahead. So when you see a brother walk around the streets as a

00:11:18--> 00:11:20

Mubarak Hamden, what do you do? You're married? Know

00:11:23--> 00:11:24

Your sister,

00:11:25--> 00:11:26

know,

00:11:27--> 00:11:28

your mother.

00:11:29--> 00:11:35

Know, my fiance, Yella who a

00:11:36--> 00:11:53

well if I don't know what to tell you, we have we left the Quran and Sunnah we take in tradition over Islam, we've taken the hand me down Islam, so we have to go back to Brian and son and find out the ITU identity in sha Allah, because prevention is better than cure of t. Remember,

00:11:56--> 00:12:12

it is very important for you because this is your future. This is a seed for that children that you will bear, the OSHA the role model that you will have. So we talked about first and second and sha Allah in the Quran a second they're not happy.

00:12:13--> 00:12:30

When Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam says India cuatro De La Hoya de novo another generation de novo. Both Thank you whoa ellipta Fallujah confit. That was a southern Florida movie. When a person comes to ask me hadn't daughter's hand in marriage has to have two criterias

00:12:31--> 00:12:48

Swiss bank account and Mercedes Benz? Yeah, no, you're right. Prophet Mohammed was up didn't say that. He said two criteria says Hola, sandeen or dnn? Hola. Both narrations are okay job. religious background and moral conduct behavior ethics.

00:12:49--> 00:12:50

You know why?

00:12:51--> 00:12:57

Let's go to that for an AMA unit chef and hadiah. Swami Rama been?

00:12:58--> 00:13:05

You know when the eyeshadow Yolanda had that great fitna, when somebody accused of doing something

00:13:08--> 00:13:14

when she was emotional, she couldn't even remember the name.

00:13:16--> 00:13:33

Not yaguchi yaku Elisa. When she says for sablon jahmene wala Musa and Allah moto sovann by Allah I will only say be be beautiful patience and that don't complain to anybody else except to Allah. She couldn't remember the name of the Prophet of Allah is Allah

00:13:35--> 00:13:39

that's how she was. So Allah subhanaw taala is telling you that if can be recorded

00:13:41--> 00:14:12

so you have to have moral conduct behavior you have to be sensitive with women Yeah, they're an emotional bag you are physically based they are emotionally based. So a man that doesn't know how to deal with you ot insensitive way understand who you are, you are the gift of Allah Subhana Allah Viola as I talked about briefly yesterday and remember the word oma comes from the word home as we mentioned before so your it according to law What did he say? He says women are half of the oma

00:14:14--> 00:14:19

and the give birth to the other half of the oma so they are with the whole oma

00:14:21--> 00:14:29

Do you understand I think the gift or loss of Hannah has given you as I mentioned but yesterday so if he doesn't have that sensitivity of tea

00:14:30--> 00:14:54

so you have to make sure that he has the whole moral conduct and the whole of by the way is the fruit of the batter and that's why they're linked together who no candy in religious background. So let me go through this quickly inshallah, please understand that Allah subhana wa Jalla Viola links that a bad luck, he links the acts of worship with the moral conduct. Let's go through them quickly inshallah. Enough salata

00:14:56--> 00:14:57

can

00:14:58--> 00:15:00

indeed the Salah

00:15:00--> 00:15:05

prayers, that is the act of worship that is the fruit of the event that is 10.

00:15:07--> 00:15:14

Words of evil and transgression act to the fruit of the left. Do you understand how important the left is?

00:15:15--> 00:15:42

It is sufficient for us to know that their flock is the heaviest thing on the scale. Who wants to be close to Allah Solomon Jenna Yes, salam, if you want that at the end of the he told you who will be next to him, and he will be more beloved to those Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam if that is not a sufficient reward of the flap I don't know what else is. You would give anything up just to see it also loss of

00:15:43--> 00:15:56

vision. But could you imagine on judgment day says come sit next to me you are most beloved to me You're closest to me to my heart. You know who said that is? Do you know who's that have Bergamo de

00:15:57--> 00:16:03

la on Judgement Day closest and most beloved, to me amongst you on Judgement Day? He says

00:16:05--> 00:16:18

the one that has the hook the best of the moral conduct, that should be your reward, inshallah, hopefully that's what you should be looking for. So established already that the fruit of the bad luck through the solar in the

00:16:20--> 00:16:20

second

00:16:22--> 00:16:30

Allah Subhana Allah, Allah, He says hoodman Mr. m. sadaqa. Why take from the wealth sadaqa in that narration, stronger opinions occur.

00:16:33--> 00:16:52

Why? To the hero whom what is the key him, purify them from the illness of the hearts from the greed? You should be generous? Joe would give more than you take it is a test of your faith. A set a Copperhead? Yes, saga comes from sitcom Eman the truthful of god man. It is proof of your Eman. That's what it is.

00:16:53--> 00:16:58

Again, the Rebbe is the guy they have left is that moral conduct is the fruit of that.

00:17:00--> 00:17:01

Let's go to their own done we just finished

00:17:03--> 00:17:12

yeah Valentina. coochie, coo coo, coo Allah Allah, Allah, Allah cuenta con. So again, the evaluator is swam the fruit of the CRM and step one is

00:17:14--> 00:17:20

to be conscious of Allah again, I'm not gonna go into details and then the fourth and had

00:17:21--> 00:17:36

those who want to go to Hajj What does Allah subhanaw taala say? By Allah Bella Fatah bazooka Donovan hunch you know who's been to Hajj Raise your hand if you've been to Hajj before, Masha Allah May Allah accept and May Allah grant those who haven't been the Hajj a trip an invitation to go to Hajj. I mean,

00:17:38--> 00:17:46

if you go to Hajj you understand there are about 4 million people coming from all over the world. And there are some people that actually have this chain, you know, the human chain

00:17:49--> 00:18:04

you know, they don't know that. Okay, you haven't been there yet. There are certain people that they think if I lose you, I'm losing you for life. So the black hands and they bulldoze anybody else in front of them. And when they push you down and they step on you, they're so nice. They say to Allah Subhana Allah is a foreigner.

00:18:06--> 00:18:07

Very nice people.

00:18:09--> 00:18:37

Now, in this case, you know where you pay so much money you promised me this You promised me that allows Why not? That is a lot of I don't even start thinking of intimate relations. When I do that, no quarrels, corals. Know Farooq takahara Atilla pasa has a habit, you know that the seeds when it comes out of the Let's call for suku means Harada came out of that obedience of Allah, very difficult. This is a test for your patience. Again, the Hajj is again a fruit of that.

00:18:38--> 00:19:03

So you understand where it is. That's the most important that's how Allah Subhana Allah created us to become the best human beings. That's why when I when prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam heard about a woman cannot turn off. You know what that means? This woman's were very famous was very famous in Medina. Medina was the best of the best the bedrock of Islam. But understand that you being famous in Medina, that's a major, not a minor.

00:19:05--> 00:19:27

She was famous in Medina, by what doing so much acts of worship pmla sadaqa, everything fasting, but the end of the hurry said what will I can can add to the G Rania. She used to harm her neighbor. What the Prophet Mohammed Salah Ali slmc Did he say it is okay because she used to do PMO light she used to do all this stuff.

00:19:28--> 00:19:33

No, he says, Hi, Rafi ha here for now.

00:19:35--> 00:19:38

There is no good in her. She's in the Hellfire, why?

00:19:39--> 00:19:41

She did not get the fruit of that Ivanka

00:19:42--> 00:19:55

neglected to understand what they're about that is acts of worship is all about. If you don't walk the talk as he is hypocrisy. You understand that some of us are Abu Bakr in a Masjid Abu Jamal at home.

00:19:57--> 00:20:00

Similarly, Effie, so she didn't get the

00:20:00--> 00:20:09

Truth of the bad and that's why brotherly love says there's no good in her. Jesus did some aerobics. That's apt enough that says you made yourself hungry and thirsty and tired, sleepless.

00:20:11--> 00:20:18

And that is that four by four, the first one for the sisters. I'm hoping after you understand what to look for

00:20:19--> 00:20:21

now, go to that.

00:20:23--> 00:20:31

Brothers. So I talked to you indirectly when I talked to the sisters about the four things that sisters should be looking for in the man.

00:20:33--> 00:20:39

I'm hoping you were taking notes that you should obtain these characteristics that you should be that man.

00:20:40--> 00:21:01

Now I'll talk to you what to look for in the system. And usually when I say the Hadith, and most of the brothers know this one, especially when I go to universities, I talk to the youth as is Do you know the Hadith? So of course I know that how do you think you are man? I know the Hadith where you talk about I knew the stuff before you even born? I was born with What? What are you talking to me? Are you talking to me?

00:21:03--> 00:21:13

Do you know the show? Go ahead. Tell me what the prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi salam says urba a woman should be wet for four criterias Uh huh. I'm listening. Give me the four please.

00:21:15--> 00:21:18

All right. Lucia Mali. Ha ha ha.

00:21:19--> 00:21:29

Ha Amalia means her beauty. Okay, second. She's a leech. Amalia, Agatha, Agatha. Number three. Lucia Maria.

00:21:30--> 00:21:34

Man, I heard you a lie. I heard you first. That was number four.

00:21:35--> 00:21:42

Which Amalia? Of course. Gotcha, gotcha. Anything else? No, no, that's all I want is your Malia 3624 36.

00:21:44--> 00:21:45

I seal

00:21:47--> 00:21:53

My heart is aching. My knees are shaking is true. I am thinking she doesn't eat bacon.

00:21:57--> 00:22:10

If that's your criteria, because she doesn't eat bacon, do it your way off the bat. Because there's three more on top of Linda Malia Yes, Islam is a practical religion. She wants you to have a beautiful wife. But

00:22:11--> 00:22:19

the beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You understand everybody lips has a different criterias but according to him green most of the brothers one. What's her name?

00:22:21--> 00:22:25

wax something. Megan Fox in a hijab, right?

00:22:26--> 00:22:30

That's what most of the brothers want that. I want that. I want that. Yeah, but what do you look like man?

00:22:34--> 00:22:37

The same brother the ones making foxing the hijab looks like this.

00:22:41--> 00:22:42

Wake up and smell the homeless man.

00:22:44--> 00:22:47

Okay, so let's have compatibility now. Right?

00:22:48--> 00:22:57

So the first thing is true Jamali has there because God help you I know that your dad is a is May Allah bless the brothers who's single Raise your hand if you single

00:22:59--> 00:23:00

Masha Allah

00:23:02--> 00:23:09

All right. Can I ask for one thing? If you single stand up please if you single stand up I know it's a trick I know. I know. I know.

00:23:10--> 00:23:12

If you single stand up please if you don't mind.

00:23:14--> 00:23:30

The brothers are afraid they're afraid. Stand up and say this is good. This is trick question. Sisters. There are 100% halal meat we are going to auction them off Mashallah, you can have as he knows.

00:23:36--> 00:24:03

And I tell you I tell the brothers always complain. I want to get married man, dude, they're not short. They're there. Well, I and this is why I want to get married there there. But where's the missing link? We'll talk about in the end inshallah. We'll give you some roadmap to follow we can just leave you hanging we will give you that points inshallah. So now we talked about ninja Mallya, because I understand when you go downtown or the beaches or just disregard that, if you see some

00:24:04--> 00:24:06

don't think about it. If you see something

00:24:08--> 00:24:20

you know, they usually save you dig a hole. The first rule is stop digging. And I'm really digging a bigger hole here. So hold on, all I'm asking you to do now is just, I was gonna say Imagine No, don't imagine.

00:24:22--> 00:24:27

You understand if you see sisters in humanity, walking around,

00:24:28--> 00:24:29

in wearing

00:24:30--> 00:24:32

or not wearing

00:24:34--> 00:24:36

and you're a human being in Muslim

00:24:37--> 00:24:42

society, see something outside go to your wife. We're human beings. We're not asking you to walk blindfolded.

00:24:44--> 00:24:53

But you understand, of course that Islam gives you that right? So if you see things outside and then you go home and you look at your

00:25:01--> 00:25:03

You will say I should have listened to the sort of loss the loss of

00:25:05--> 00:25:17

something that will please you I that will testify that content. Yes at hamdulillah I have a beautiful wife to me, right. Everyone should look at his wife is the most beautiful wife, most beautiful woman on the face of the earth.

00:25:19--> 00:25:20

Because my wife is here, you understand?

00:25:23--> 00:25:26

But we between us, you know, we have like Brian.

00:25:29--> 00:25:53

Most of us have this fantasy of four wives. Thank you, right. But I don't do politics. So I'm just gonna move on Java. The first thing we said ninja Malia The proof is there, fellas. Yes. The mallia wealth like Khadija rhodiola Anna right? Had the wealth to eat. As a matter of fact if a woman helps her her husband in financial is not an obligation she gets double the reward if sadaqa

00:25:54--> 00:25:55

beautiful

00:25:56--> 00:25:58

she's not own she's not up for the highest bidder.

00:26:01--> 00:26:02

Third, nessa

00:26:04--> 00:26:06

you know the lineage, the family?

00:26:08--> 00:26:22

the Hadees is the if I have to mention before I say this the hadith of life. So we're just gonna say it's been aerated. It's been heard. It's been said that narration is life week, but it is the fruit of the understanding of what it means Yakumo Hydra demon

00:26:24--> 00:26:33

is what you were Hydra demon Hydra, they asked him what is Hydra demon. He says Alma and has nothing remember the soup. Beautiful, but the foundation is very bad.

00:26:34--> 00:26:55

So you have to understand that they have they have to come from the lineage that has mentioned that either. It has to be strong because you know what kind of environment you was raised in? Who brought this person up? Is there a righteous father righteous mother, and that's the lineage you're looking for. Because the lineage ongoing and if you don't believe it, go to sort of the gaff waka boo masala

00:26:57--> 00:27:03

their forefathers were righteous, you know, the Tafseer says in the seventh savage in the seventh grandfather.

00:27:05--> 00:27:10

That's how far they go back. Yes, he makes sure they come from a righteous lineage.

00:27:11--> 00:27:14

Now, the fourth is is where the

00:27:17--> 00:27:24

Prophet Mohammed Salah son did not stop here with their religious background. He says for be that the dean Terry batty Adak.

00:27:27--> 00:27:29

He said the true winning

00:27:30--> 00:27:51

of the one that you look for the true successful choice is the one that has the religious background is felt for me that the Dean terabit directory Bhatia DAC has to meaning I attach Takata COVID to rob which means you hand will touch the dust. The positive meaning the dust meaning that that the beautiful tree that we talked about that is sustenance, that's a blessing.

00:27:52--> 00:27:57

The other one, otherwise you will lose everything. If he doesn't have that religious background.

00:27:58--> 00:28:19

Now I'm gonna give you a visual please make sure you never forget it. So Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam mentioned the first thing and the most important thing of the sister you look for is religious background. So we are going to put this up religious background is Dean is number one. Remember that Dean is number one. Repeat after me. Dean is number one.

00:28:20--> 00:28:36

I hope you remember that. Don't lose it when she sees the googly eyes. Oh, Dean is number one. All right, Dean is right there. Number one. Don't forget it. Now she's also beautiful Mashallah, I want you to add a zero. She's at 10.

00:28:38--> 00:28:41

Now she's also rich. Add another zero that's 100% man.

00:28:43--> 00:28:44

Now she also comes from a good family

00:28:46--> 00:28:48

righteous upbringing out of his ears. He's batting 1000

00:28:49--> 00:28:51

now take away the dean, what do you got?

00:28:52--> 00:28:55

You got three zeros. Enjoy.

00:28:58--> 00:29:01

And that's what happens most of the time.

00:29:03--> 00:29:11

But when I hear according to Cheryl cotton habit, Allah He says but when I asked the brothers, what do you look for? What do you look for in a sister man?

00:29:12--> 00:29:15

He says odd to have by da Vila

00:29:16--> 00:29:18

shadow Hawk and Harrier

00:29:20--> 00:29:27

were to kill Bella Bella was a rebel. Cannon vinyasa master karate, Harris de Lena was

00:29:28--> 00:29:33

either either having the ADA Kana jameelah and purify nazmul. In

00:29:35--> 00:29:36

Java to doorbell jar.

00:29:38--> 00:29:47

You know what that means? What do you want my man I want her to be tall and white. She has different beauty during the day and different beauty during the night.

00:29:48--> 00:30:00

Beautiful, silky hair not crooked. She was rich and then became bore. Now she has the honor Andy of the honorable of being rich and wealthy. She also has the hidden

00:30:00--> 00:30:01

being poor.

00:30:02--> 00:30:14

If you see her from afar she's beautiful you see it from near she's even more beautiful she has different colored unit a different color tonight. And she is kind to the neighbor she respects the elder but gentle with the young.

00:30:17--> 00:30:25

What are you looking for? What? Where do you get what do you find this girl? You know what he said? If we're lucky if we find this woman, lava, lava

00:30:26--> 00:30:35

if you find this woman we will have the Pledge of Allegiance or you become a medium woman and you lead this oma. But where do you find this woman and gentlemen, Chawla

00:30:36--> 00:30:44

now the sisters have the same thing. Mission stick. This called the building of dreams, right? They'll see.

00:30:46--> 00:31:05

On the first floor of this building, it says, here's a man that wants to get married. A man who I go on the first floor, just before I go into the door on the first floor next to the elevator sees a sign that says second floor. There's a good looking guy that wants to get married. Looking.

00:31:07--> 00:31:18

That's nice. So I take the elevator go to the second floor just before I enter the door. So on the third floor, there's a good looking rich man that wants to get married. Oh, bling bling. chinking

00:31:20--> 00:31:31

I get some I go on the third floor and the third floor just before I go in. It says that sciences fourth floor there's the rich good looking sensitive, sensitive.

00:31:34--> 00:31:37

I thought all the sensitive guys were just just happy to be

00:31:40--> 00:31:45

like Mufti mink. Habibullah last night because the guy's gonna be zombies early.

00:31:48--> 00:31:55

So now she sees rich good look insensitive Allahu Akbar. She goes on the board and that goes up there she goes. A good look insensitive rich man that wants to have kids.

00:31:57--> 00:32:13

And oh and one last last floor says this floor is designated to prove that women will always look for something better and will not be contented with a deliverable. They don't exist. We want that long list and you want a long list Allah help us we're like so why don't we stick to the list of the Quran and Sunnah you'll be happy inshallah.

00:32:16--> 00:32:32

Now the four by four first floor second floor and remember I was talking to you indirectly please be among those now actually remember when when he says do not marry I've told you what to marry. Do not marry which one it is.

00:32:34--> 00:32:37

I love food and Hannah and Nana Alma Nana

00:32:38--> 00:32:42

I'll do the one that cuts out a lot of cheese she gets angry quick.

00:32:44--> 00:32:44

Do you know when

00:32:51--> 00:32:55

Ella foods she compares you with everybody else? She looks at you and she looks at this guy.

00:32:57--> 00:33:02

balding you got the briyani Billy now she's looking at this guy. Where's the beef?

00:33:03--> 00:33:08

She compares you that's why in Genesis paslode author they don't see except nobody else except you.

00:33:10--> 00:33:11

And Hannah

00:33:12--> 00:33:25

the handle among public she actually have feelings for somebody else behind you. But of course when you first meet her What do you do? You either buy first when you have lunch with her with a mom of course. You know what do you have in for

00:33:26--> 00:33:28

for dinner or lunch? I'm just gonna have a salad

00:33:30--> 00:33:32

Mashallah that means she's gonna use

00:33:35--> 00:33:37

and what are you gonna have for drink just water

00:33:44--> 00:33:48

and after you marry her what happens? Pizza chocolate chips cook

00:33:51--> 00:33:54

What happened? What happened to my wife?

00:34:00--> 00:34:02

things will change that's another lecture on its own agenda.

00:34:03--> 00:34:14

So you understand and nana nana everytime complains about certain things. Of course not the sisters the sisters are the best writers. There's you the best use that girl.

00:34:16--> 00:34:20

feel your pain. I know. Because the brothers are pointing. My wife is here man.

00:34:26--> 00:34:30

And man, Nana de mundo la cabina. If it wasn't for me, my father didn't this. I did this for you.

00:34:31--> 00:34:59

So I'm sure now we learn a lot. Let's go to the third. The third four four. Bye for now we'll hamdulillah you have now found the criterias you look for before I leave you. I have to tell you how gilas Kalani Rahmatullah zaharie. He mentioned something that's very important according to this Hadith, he says even though Robert Muhammad Salallahu alaihe salam said the number one on this list is a religious background. He said make sure before you ask about

00:35:00--> 00:35:08

Religion background. Take a look at what she looks like. Otherwise you're refusing the dean. Not that looks. Let me explain.

00:35:09--> 00:35:26

Even though the most important thing for us is the religious background, because the brothers gonna be what do you want for what do you look for? Just a girl you know what you have with all that? That's all I want. Okay, do this and then you know what on the wedding day you don't see anything else and you take a look at this.

00:35:30--> 00:35:32

So listen man is so nice. He will lie

00:35:33--> 00:36:09

that it is there. You look at something that pleases you. Yeah. So he says make sure that it pleases you at least no rebellions. Not that, that none of that she like if you like what you see, then ask does she have the religious background? Yes, continue. But if you say yes, he has a religious background, and you don't like what you see you gonna say no, but you said no to the religion not that you understand. Okay, so please make sure you do your homework properly. Now you got it, the criterias are there. The third four by four is simply called this the Shara is taharah azmin tawakoni is the schar as taharah azmin tawakkol is the Shara z consult you consult with everybody

00:36:09--> 00:36:43

else, you make sure that they have the you asked the neighbors you asked the school they went to the job that they had, he has the friends he has the if they traveled with somebody, they asked if they dealt money with somebody. if everybody's telling you to thumbs up, you move on to the second one. if everybody's telling you to thumbs down, you don't even go to the second stage. So let's pretend that everybody's telling you fantastic these people are repetition is good. They do everything else according to criteria as they have orthotics. You go to number two, which is is taharah is taharah by the way, and you know a lot of misconception people think that you have to look for seven days

00:36:43--> 00:36:45

and you have to do something in a dream not true.

00:36:46--> 00:37:02

There's not one single innovation or is authenticated that you have to do it for seven days or after something in a dream. However, let's go through it quickly. jhala is the Hara who has the Muslim if you have has the Muslim raise your hand Mashallah. But if you don't have Heston Muslim, you have to make Toba and by hustlin Muslim inshallah

00:37:03--> 00:37:06

and if you have a smartphone if you raise your hand if you have a smartphone

00:37:07--> 00:37:14

All right, if you have a smartphone and you don't have a Muslim downloaded, you need to make another tober and download the app inshallah let's free

00:37:16--> 00:37:19

The drirelease taharah is there page anyone on that black

00:37:21--> 00:37:21

version?

00:37:23--> 00:37:27

If you don't know it, just ask Allah Europe. Choose what's best for you.

00:37:28--> 00:37:53

However, it is narrated, that you pray to records by the way, it is not authentic to say that you have to do it poorly or yoga through after 31 the first soccer until a lot of the scholars say it's the most sincere Nicholas so you recycle Yeah, we'll go through after the fact. If the first circuit and after the second okay. After you finish you raise your hand ask Allah subhanaw taala minister Do

00:37:56--> 00:38:08

you see the drop by by the way it is not multiple because that he says he Emery had a singular. So you make us Darius taharah for a single person. Yep.

00:38:09--> 00:38:19

Now after you make is to continue, but remember, everybody's telling you good. You go to the second one. Everybody says bad you don't go into the second phase. That's it done deal.

00:38:20--> 00:38:23

Now after you make is the harder you will see signs.

00:38:26--> 00:38:29

Things will get easier or better.

00:38:30--> 00:38:52

Continue that's a clear sign or things will get worse or more difficult. For example, you will have a fight or every time you see this girl you have a flat tire a broken windshield. You try to get some money from the from the bank in order for you to reserve the banquet hall. You're You're overdrawn. You borrow money, you go to the banquet hall, it's booked for life.

00:38:54--> 00:39:03

That's a sign Run, run Forrest run, jump ship, mayday Houston, we have a problem.

00:39:04--> 00:39:19

Whatever it takes. Now, if things are getting better and easier, everything is fantastic. helaas continue with inshallah, why Allah Subhana Allah knows the closet sins knows what is hidden and knows what's in the future. Nobody else does that except Allah. That's why you ask Allah Subhana Allah Viola.

00:39:21--> 00:39:59

Now, if that's the case, number three is as I am determined to follow the sign that Allah subhanaw taala showed me and a warning severe warning from the scholars. If you go against Mr. Faraj because you're asking a lot to choose what's best. And then you say yeah, I know that you chose this. I'm not gonna take it I just if you're making a mockery of Allah, you'll pay a big price in this life in the hereafter. Please don't go against the signs of that taharah because your whims and desires. Number four tawakkol either attempt fatawa Corolla if you're, you're put your trust in Allah subhanaw taala if you're determined because Allah will never let you down. So this is that third

00:40:00--> 00:40:00

By for

00:40:02--> 00:40:04

the fourth four by four.

00:40:05--> 00:40:15

Congratulations, you've been promoted. You're married now. So I will give you the advice that I usually give in that nikka sermon.

00:40:16--> 00:40:20

The first thing is called the boat theory. You're in the same boat now.

00:40:22--> 00:40:24

The captain goes out the door.

00:40:26--> 00:40:37

It is we it's us. This boat is marriage in this ocean called life. In this life, there's high winds and high waves.

00:40:39--> 00:40:41

Its tests and fitten.

00:40:42--> 00:40:47

Rest assured there is no smooth sailing here. Not even a pseudo laughs aloha SLM, had smooth sailing.

00:40:49--> 00:41:13

So please expect that, but your job as a captain and a co Captain to work together do not compete against one another, but complete one another to navigate this boat of marriage in this life of ocean in this journey, have a great life under the umbrella of Laila Illallah, Muhammad Rasulullah. So my advice to you is if you have a GPS again, Puncheon, Jenna, you'll find Quran and Sunnah to guide you to gender.

00:41:14--> 00:41:17

Job. Number two, the thread theory.

00:41:19--> 00:41:21

Marriage is a fragile thread.

00:41:23--> 00:41:28

You hold one NGO holds the other if you both pull at the same time it will break.

00:41:30--> 00:41:33

So when your wife pulls and she will just a matter of time.

00:41:36--> 00:41:47

You let go. Why? Because you're the man who's a man, you the man because prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said the strongest amongst us is whom

00:41:49--> 00:41:54

believe shift I almost mentioned that it's not Bishara said but the strength and you beat somebody and Wessel

00:41:56--> 00:42:07

is the strongest the one the one that controls his anger at the time of anger control yourself, you own it Melaka otherwise he says that shaitana actually has the position over you know

00:42:10--> 00:42:25

who was there last night when you saw that when we were confrontational than set than separated? Right Remember that? Mashallah beautiful. Now if your wife comes up to you says I heard this from can remember the she is the wife says you know what, if you're a man divorced me.

00:42:26--> 00:42:56

She Tom comes he goes what man who's? The man just told me you met you the other man who the man I'm the man. All right. You divorce. You go You go girl. Now you're happy. No alight. If the woman comes in actually says listen, I want you to bores me. I hate you. I doors me. What are you gonna do? Okay, be honest. Is your head. What do you think if if your wife comes up to you says listen, divorce me. You're ugly. Whatever, all that stuff. I'm just gonna keep it a family show. Angela. She calls you names and blah, blah, blah, and all that stuff. divorce me, and she starts to beat you like this.

00:43:03--> 00:43:04

That's how that's how they fight.

00:43:08--> 00:43:09

What are you going to say?

00:43:10--> 00:43:15

You know what you're going to say? He says, honey, I can live without you.

00:43:20--> 00:43:23

It's a high flyball. It's a hole in one

00:43:24--> 00:43:28

you have to understand inshallah. And that's how you do it.

00:43:30--> 00:43:31

Number four.

00:43:33--> 00:43:37

Something cold. Actually, it's number three. Something called

00:43:40--> 00:43:41

castle theory.

00:43:43--> 00:43:44

In every castle

00:43:46--> 00:43:48

how many kings are there in every castle it

00:43:50--> 00:43:53

only one sister raise their fingers is one.

00:43:54--> 00:43:56

But the other citizen Let me think about it.

00:43:57--> 00:43:58

Have you met my lawyer?

00:44:01--> 00:44:02

Can I call a friend?

00:44:04--> 00:44:10

Yes, she's absolutely right. In every castle, there's only one king of the night to

00:44:12--> 00:44:14

an every castle. How many queens are there man?

00:44:15--> 00:44:19

Only one brother again. He's thinking is your wife over there man. Are you afraid? He's afraid

00:44:25--> 00:44:26

that Oh, he the hyvin.

00:44:29--> 00:44:29

monotheism

00:44:31--> 00:44:41

is right. So all I'm asking you to do is be the queen of the castle of first class lady and never tried to be a second class man.

00:44:43--> 00:44:59

You be the king. You take responsibility at the helm of their well being of that responsibility of the family. The proof is in suit as well as our Adam or Bova when Allah Subhana Allah Allah was talking about as Allahumma Raja Houma Mina, Ghana

00:45:00--> 00:45:07

Everything in dual gents Adam and Eve Adam and Eve and Eve, but when he held one person accountable allows behind Angela says well, Adam,

00:45:08--> 00:45:15

Adam, Allah held Adam accountable for it. Of course Nicola. Yeah, everybody's responsible for their their fields.

00:45:17--> 00:45:22

So all I'm asking to be happy be the man. And there's a queen, I don't want to hear about it.

00:45:24--> 00:45:24

That's it.

00:45:26--> 00:45:28

Number four, the computer theory.

00:45:30--> 00:45:52

You understand? If I give you a computer, and I don't tell you how to use it, and I will ask you a question. How do you like your computer? So I'm frustrated. Take it back. I'll take it back. Can we please take a course of how to use the computer? I will give you the same computer and I will ask you the same question. How do you like your computer? We will see I can't live without it. What's the difference? You understood the language of the computer?

00:45:54--> 00:46:03

So there are six secrets scoring development of secrets understanding the lingo between the two genders, six Secrets You have to know but that's again another lecture one day inshallah

00:46:06--> 00:46:10

let me give you an example and I'm finished with this inshallah because the time is coming to close

00:46:12--> 00:46:18

now you understand that men are physically based the women are emotionally based. What is number one on her list as he

00:46:20--> 00:46:25

is Okay, fair enough. Nobody knows but that's fine. Number one on her list is love.

00:46:27--> 00:46:29

What's number one on his list of thing

00:46:32--> 00:46:44

nobody knows this fantastic will come actually respect Believe it or not, Mashallah. Mashallah fantastic. Maybe one day young Chawla will come and teach this course in the law but don't worry we're working on to bring COVID here

00:46:47--> 00:46:47

now

00:46:49--> 00:46:49

imagine

00:46:51--> 00:46:55

we use that left side of the brain and you use that right side of the brain

00:46:57--> 00:47:02

emotional fantasy all that stuff color combination decision making numbers all that stuff.

00:47:03--> 00:47:09

Very difficult for us to articulate our feelings through verbal means.

00:47:10--> 00:47:11

You want this

00:47:14--> 00:47:23

You're the best thing happened to me and the flowers and you blossom in the love even beauty pales next to you this flower You are the most pleased with blah, blah, blah. As soon as you say that go the girls go.

00:47:27--> 00:47:34

But these brothers here, including this board, they have a lot of very difficult to do to do this because what would you brothers? If

00:47:43--> 00:47:44

we can say the words.

00:47:47--> 00:47:49

So what do we do? We buy our gift? There you go.

00:47:52--> 00:47:53

Okay, so you understand now.

00:47:54--> 00:48:04

So when the man gives you a gift when you usually when the met when the woman asks you a question, usually some questions like, you know, the deadliest question is What? What are you thinking?

00:48:11--> 00:48:14

You know why we because we're thinking of nothing.

00:48:16--> 00:48:19

But you can tell that because you think you're an idiot.

00:48:24--> 00:48:36

And remember, there are certain questions you have to be very careful. I've read this before it's really good. I want to share with you if she says Who are your most favorite three women in your life. You have to say you your shadow and your reflection.

00:48:44--> 00:48:48

And you're allowed to lie to each other you know, that isn't Muslim.

00:48:49--> 00:48:53

I don't mean the wrong way that by the way, like for example, does this dress make me look fat?

00:48:55--> 00:48:57

You're in trouble, dude.

00:48:58--> 00:49:11

You should see a red flag. Whoo. Made a pirate. And if you say But honey, I don't think the rest has anything to do with it. And thanks for playing nice right? A man died last night Details at 11

00:49:14--> 00:49:19

you're allowed to say it's true to you. No honey. I love your cooking.

00:49:22--> 00:49:24

You're allowed to say I love my mother in law.

00:49:30--> 00:49:34

You're allowed to say you know the receding hairlines look make you look more intellectual.

00:49:37--> 00:49:41

That biryani Billy of yours is a great time when I put my coffee mug on.

00:49:43--> 00:49:59

It's a beautiful thing. Look how beautiful Islam is you're allowed to like to make each other love each other and come so I asked Allah subhanaw taala to increase the love in sha Allah. And I asked Allah Subhana Allah, Allah to make us among those who listen speech and follow the best of it. And I asked Allah subhanaw taala to make your homes a home sweet home and to meet in gentlemen Ciao.

00:50:00--> 00:50:02

In some of the senses, do I have to be with him in gender?

00:50:04--> 00:50:04

I asked.

00:50:05--> 00:50:08

Someone goes with one gender and laugh as often

00:50:24--> 00:50:25

all praises