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Dealing With Family Disagreements

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Alaa Elsayed

Channel: Alaa Elsayed

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. My dear sisters in Islam, and welcome to the second day of mercy mission and certainly as the last panels Allah to make it purely for sake. And except from all of us. I mean,

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today's topic is one of the most important of all is how to deal with the differences and how to deal with the dilemma of disagreements and the solutions and so on. I'm going to look at it in a different way, been doing this counseling for over 20 years. And the majority of time that we spend is really a marital issues. So hopefully, we can learn something today. So by the end of this session, we will have a game plan, you will know about something called the root cause analysis, the method of his the five step solution, all these areas of the psychological differences we spoken about, briefly last night, how to implement that. And keep in mind that you want to be part of the

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solution, not the problem.

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Please understand that we do take courses of all these background but we turn it into Islamic by taking out the proof from the Quran and Sunnah. So we'll know here's the science of these differences. But now put a twist an Islamic twist to it to bring the proof from the Quran and the Sunnah, and how prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam dealt with these differences and these issues. One of the most important ones in the stories was when I shot the alarm now I

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had a one night with Prophet Mohammed Salah where she woke up in the middle of the evening

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and she looked at her the side of the bed of Prophet Mohammed Salah Salem, and he was not there. He went on to clear so she got out

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and she started looking for him

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jealous

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that she was a Chateau de la noir the management

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she looked for him, Prophet Mohammed Salah Salem saw her from afar. So we want to know who that was who came back, as soon as as inshallah recognize the Prophet monsterland noticed who she was, came back wanting to home Prophet Mohammed Salim came back in the home, please his hand on our heart, found out that she was the one who was going like a rabbit. You obviously found out it was her so he asked, Did you not trust me or Asian or the 11th hour?

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So now I issues on the hook.

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She wants to get off the hook. What did she do?

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She said to Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, or messenger of Allah alayhi salatu salam, what do I say if I go visit the grave?

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You will notice that woman Mashallah have a bag. We call that shampoo. Do you know that the bag of answers?

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Prophet Mohammed, hilarious. Ellen recognizes that she's on the hook. He wants to get her off the hook.

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The only reason I'm telling you this story is because I want you to turn the table around. And I usually give these examples because I want to ask you that very simple question. It's a rhetorical question. We don't need to answer. But at least be honest with yourself with yourself.

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If you were not positioned,

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what would you have done? Some of us would have said, What? You tried to get off the hook. I know the trick. No way. Come back in here. I know where were you going? Some of us will do that. But Prophet Mohammed said. No. He says yeah, if you go visit the grave, you will say as salaam aleikum como mini and to Masako.

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You say that I'm sure most of us know the story. It is recorded as a Muslim.

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By the way, the reason we're saying this is a we listened to Prophet Mohammed Salim Aziza. He's our role model. He's our leader. So we take that and learn from him.

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We learn that he understood

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The language of women, as you will see in the heart

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of the great life, how we also dealt with it. He recognizes that women are emotionally based, as we mentioned last night, and men are physically based and how do you deal with these issues? specifically at a time of discrepancies? How do you deal with it? Listen again. Allah subhana wa tada says FMA you will hear when was the Swami Rama when

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he's talking about women allows the patata meaning of their petition

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says that

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family unit shifted here. Could you not see upon the reflect about those who were raised in halion. Luhrmann, no decoration.

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Just in case you're wondering, if you have kids, you'll find out what that means. You have a daughter yourself. You'll find out that your daughter sneaks around, do you think we don't know?

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But we know because we've been there, done that. But they don't understand that we have the advantages because we've done it ourselves.

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So your young daughter sneaks around goes where goes to your bedroom? What does she do? She goes to her mom's purse. What does she do? She gets that makeup kit out. And after a few minutes, she looks like a lovely lovely doll.

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The lipstick is out here are the eyeliner is over there. So this is FMA you will hear this how they raise to beautify themselves. What was his formula? You know, maybe but when it comes to the hisab? To do what to coral to debate to argue about it. It will be they're not very clear. They're emotional.

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You see, how did that explains that?

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How did the eighth which was the great lie?

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We're in Chateau de la Hashanah. Of course she's innocent of that was accused of committing adultery.

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The story is long, but that's not what we're talking about. But please understand how it works.

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When I showed you law, and I found out she did not know that for a long time, but when she found out she was flabbergasted, she was doing something. She couldn't even finish that desk. She came back. Looking now for help. Looking for a father or father will you not say something about it? Will you not defend me? Will you not defend your honor?

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So does

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this mean says what? What law he Apulia? by a law I don't know what to say or Aisha Could you imagine your own father cannot even defend you? You can imagine the dilemma that she's in. She looks for a mother no answer. She looks for our husband, Prophet Mohammed Salim he says is Stephanie Arabic as Allah Subhana Allah tala to forgive your sin. Imagine Could you put yourself in that position? What would you do? What would you say? How would you feel?

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So inshallah the law goes away crying

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by the revelation, now is there innocent is declared or innocence or declared

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will have the land so to know. So now, her father comes in.

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But before that, what did he do? She hears all these accusations, no one is defending her, and just well lahemaa a llama,

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Saleh. Viola. I will not say anything except what that righteous slave of Allah said What did she mean?

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yaku just like a low VEDA. Imagine

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she could not even remember the name of a prophet of Allah subhanho wa Taala alima Sato says

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she couldn't remember that at the time of argument she says we're lucky that our food I will not say that except that slave of a lot she couldn't remember the name.

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But what she's trying to do for saloon Jamil while long Stan Allah

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May Allah give us a righteous and the most beautiful, complete patience and

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in what that you attribute to us what the meaning of the diversity is, now is declared the innocence and now we know Allah Subhana Allah Allah says, What

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about in fitna Atlas V rune, we made one of you to others as a fitness trial. Will you have patience?

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Now let us take and go into the actual field, husband and wife and then we'll deal with the kids. This is a message for the whole family, how to deal with differences how to deal with that disagreements.

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Now, please understand that every one of us has

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bag, a bag,

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not a Gucci bag or anything like that just a bag of behavior characteristics, everything that we do.

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So when you talk to each other, please understand that you're now having to deal with this whole bag of your husband or the whole bag of your wife. You cannot pick and choose. You can pick a husband okay? That is 1234 is not custom meant. As we talked about that building of dreams last night.

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Sleep here actually, you cannot deal with a wife or an order a wife that is perfect in everything. And the first mistake the brothers do when they get married is what?

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As soon as they marry assisted as winning hijab or niqab. What do they say? It's it found gold gold mine, I hit the jackpot. That's it. She's an angel, is it true?

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But she's a she's a human being.

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If you're an angel yourself and you don't make mistakes, expect the same from your from your wife.

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So please keep that in mind.

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Now, when we discuss the issues,

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please you understand that you're dealing with this whole bag, the good, the evil, the ugly with everything. Same with the other side. You have to make decisions. Can I live with this bag of this human being with everything that they have in the carry?

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Or not?

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Please understand that there are certain things that you can change and certain things that you cannot change this way you have to make a decision whether you'll be able to continue or not.

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But you know that bla bla bla bla bla when you heard the man come, he says I want to divorce my wife is why

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I don't love her.

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What do you do?

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That's right. Is that the upside the head? You know?

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That's the language of

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this is do you What are you? What are you thinking? Do you think marriage is just built upon love?

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So I want you to keep that in mind. I want you to keep in mind that I have a message. I have a much bigger goal, a much bigger fish to fry.

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So how do you deal with it?

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dealing with differences is very important.

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But please understand that we will give you the tools in order for you to be able to deal with it in Chawla.

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Going back to our HR dilemma even when she was angry with Prophet Mohammed says Allah yes you heard it right. When she was angry with Prophet Mohammed Salah love it.

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What did you say?

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This is Prophet Mohammed Salim speaking now his will La Jolla Isha? I know when you're happy with me, and I know when you're angry with me.

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When you're happy with me, you say, louder of the Mohammed.

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But when you're angry with me, you say, Abraham

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is there a difference? There is no difference. So same room, same Lord. What did she do? She says, well, Lucha de la la

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judoka Vinnie Sadie Valentina, capital V. Oh messenger of Allah. I only abandoned you with my tongue at the time of anger, but you still in my heart. So keep that in mind of the industry.

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If you're angry, make sure you don't say harmful words that will come and haunt you later.

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Please understand that we're only human beings. No one walks around with a halo on our head.

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Just in case you cannot hear correctly. Yes, Prophet Mohammed Salim himself, also had some discomforts at home. And we know about

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the verse those game asking Prophet Mohammed sauce alum, given his wife the choice.

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Now I want to give you one of the biggest

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the one that you just heard about recently.

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But before I go to explain, I have to give you a little bit background. I

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was one of the biggest, the policies of this habit of Delano. It is narrated than we used to sit on the horse, his feet will touch the ground.

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He's the only Sahabi that migrated during the day.

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He took his sword out. There are some narration that others did, but he took his sword out.

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And he says any of you

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would like their children to be become orphans.

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For the mother to lose a son, and for the wife to be a widow, I am migrating.

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If you have a problem with that,

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I'm paraphrasing Of course.

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Also you have to school.

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If you have a problem with that, meet me behind this valley. I'll be there waiting for you.

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The question is, did anybody

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know?

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This is Amara de la Nova is the same one.

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That men fear drama.

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He was walking one day.

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And some of us have already landed rain. We're walking behind him.

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All of a sudden he remembered something. And he turned around suddenly.

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What happened to the men behind him?

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The fainted.

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He's gonna kill us.

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It is also narrated that one of the barbers were trimming

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and just cleared his throat you know that.

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He thought that he actually hurt and he's going through revenge. So he

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urinated.

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This is the same.

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When a man at the time of our being a Khalifa went to knock on his door

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to do what? To complain about his own wife giving him a hard time.

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And you're talking about oh, well, now we know who

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this man is coming to complain about his own wife to Amina momineen.

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Just before he knocks on the door, what does he hear?

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He hears Omar's wife, giving him a hard time.

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So he turns around, walks away.

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So Omar opens the door when you land. And he says Yeah, come here. Where you going? Isn't that's okay.

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I thought it has some issues.

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So he recognizes he says come here. Yeah, he she looks after the food. She looks at the children, the clothes, the home. My last my whims and desires. She's my partner.

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That is, if you actually if you're better than profit, Mama's awesome. And if you're stronger than

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Allah help you? If not, then we listen to each other.

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So now what is this art, it's the art of dealing with one another

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the art of solving our issues and remember I call them issues or concerns, not problems, it is only to get to a stage where you cannot find a solution to this concern or an issue becomes a problem.

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But please remember you want to be part of the solution, not the problem.

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So here we go. Let us find out inshallah, how can you do with it?

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First,

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you have to plan it.

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plan the argument, in your mind.

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Have a roadmap

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to discuss.

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Make sure you use something called kiss. So hopefully after the argument, you will get the job.

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Keep it short and simple.

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This is for that sister specific guilty. As you heard last night.

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The attention span of men are much shorter

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than women. So if you start talking, you will lose this. For example, you would ask your wife

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What did the plumber say?

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just you know, he came in here at 10 o'clock and you started talking about his background. And he said I was born in this country and he was married to this and I have three kids. And you know he came up to visit the country.

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You can lose this. What we're asking What did he say? can I fix it? Yes or no? How much? We don't want a story.

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Very simple. Right?

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So now make sure you have it when you deal with your husbands. I want you to deal with it with the same almost remember the story.

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I will tell her the law was on a trip I'm sure you know the story. Just a reminder, john, but I'm giving you this because remember we're going to turn the science into that or attic and the sooner and this was who we are.

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He was

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on a trip

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on that trip, his son died

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on the way back.

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That righteous wife

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wants to tell him that his son died.

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How did you do it?

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How would you have done it of the

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Santa Monica? I missed you very much. You Sunday. Is that nice talking to you please come in enjoy the rest of the evening.

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What did you do?

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recognizing what Please keep in mind that I'm going to talk about certain things I will ask you about a leader Jolla.

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The first thing she did beautified herself.

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She prepared food.

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She dim the lights

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and then she had an intimate relationship with him at night.

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In the morning, that she thought by the way,

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she gave me an example.

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I believe.

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She said if our

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neighbor neighbors have given us something they entrusted with us.

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If they came to ask for it back, should we give it to them?

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You said yes.

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This is still there LOVE IT Nick. Allah Subhana Allah Allah took the Amana your son

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even though we complain to Prophet Mohammed Salim and the rest of the story is their Prophet Mohammed Salah Salah meter out for them and he grabbed them children again. hamdulillah. But the moral of the story is, that woman as smart intellectual woman recognizes that man is a physical what she was working on. Listen again. She prepared the food. She beautified herself, dim the lights had intimate relations with him. In the morning, she paved the way and then she told us what is she working on?

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senses.

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She's working on senses. physical human be. Remember when I was talking to you about a Chateau de la. I'm talking to you now as he was working on

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emotions. Please understand that you have to recognize that you're dealing with a human being that is a ball of emotion allows the final data created that way so she can look after you she can look after your children.

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You have to recognize that celebrate that and also reward that.

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So now we know the Prophet Mohammed Salim recognize that Asia is an emotional being and dealt with it the same way. You also have to understand that your husband is a physical being and deal with him in the same way.

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So let us sit down and talk.

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Here's what the roadmap to it inshallah. First,

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please understand that you are going to talk about behaviors,

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not a person.

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So when you sit down and discuss, please take this word out. You are a terrible man, you are a terrible woman

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doesn't help anyone.

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But you are going to discuss behaviors. This behavior is unacceptable. You are a good human being.

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Otherwise blame yourself for marrying that guy, or marrying this girl.

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So what do you do? I want to give you that sandwich. Again, as I mentioned last night briefly, the sandwich of arguments.

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The top layer is positive. In the middle, where is the beef?

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You take your beef out with this guy, or this girl. This is the stuffing, your message is in the middle. And the bottom of that one is the desserts.

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So positive, negative, or whatever the message is and ended up with positive again, for example.

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You know, honey, how much I love you.

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But I have an issue or concern with our financial

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situation. But I'm sure and I have a lot of trust in you that we can work on this together.

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Now listen to the other one.

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I won't go there. I'm sure what happens in your own booth. So it's enough I'm sure.

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So please understand that you are working on the same team. You're on the same team. So what is the word I want to get out of it? Get the word out

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and get the word we can

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psychologically it puts them on the same team. We need to work on this

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Because you're on the same team,

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and I'm sure all of you know this,

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pointing the fingers. I'm sure all of you also know that when you point one finger out, how many pointing at you?

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Three. So every time you point a finger to someone, please point the finger to yourself first.

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It looks like we've got, doesn't it? Not a good thing?

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Please understand that we are looking for root cause analysis when I have a couple in my office.

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When they come and tell me, my husband doesn't do this, or my wife doesn't do that.

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You know what I keep asking him the five why's theory? Why, why? Why? Why? Because my my goal is to get them to come up with a game plan and get them to come up with the answers.

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I can tell them what to do. But we will lose out on something called the buy in procedure by in procedure, I'll tell you about myself. So when I sit them down, I say Why? What am I looking for? I'm looking for the root cause analysis. I'm not looking for the end result, or want to give him a band aid solution. It doesn't work.

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For example,

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remember the story I told you about?

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The woman that complaining about her husband last night? And the husband complaining? What would you do, we went to the root cause of the problem, not the end result.

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So we're looking for

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the root cause why it happens. For example,

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when that woman was looking for a solution for husband, we said you have to first look at yourself and ask yourself really the reason like I received an email that my husband is looking outside mine and all that stuff.

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So I asked the sister

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Why do you think he's doing that? Not that we can do this? But why do you think he's doing that

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and you'll find out that the sister is just like

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another man in the house.

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I'm just being blunt with you. on certain issues, we don't have enough time that I would have weekly sessions with you. And I will tell you about the life coaching program and the wheel, the life wheel and all that stuff, long term plan, you know, strategy law and so on.

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But what do you think

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the man doesn't want to stay at home for I will give you one reason and one for you one for him

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number one on the list of the man who can tell me from the sisters. What is number one on the list of the man What is he looking for? Number one any of the sisters know Don't worry your turn is coming I'll ask you to do not have to.

00:28:02--> 00:28:09

So you better be thinking now what's number one for on her list? Any of the sisters what is number one on the list of the minority?

00:28:10--> 00:28:12

What is he looking for number one on his list

00:28:16--> 00:28:17

okay, I'm here to look what I have time

00:28:20--> 00:28:23

number one in his list Believe it or not, is

00:28:24--> 00:28:25

respect

00:28:28--> 00:28:28

it's true

00:28:29--> 00:28:35

if the man does not feel that he is respected he does not want to be in that place that he's not respected.

00:28:37--> 00:28:40

Now you're on the hook see what's number one on her list?

00:28:42--> 00:28:44

appreciation stubbornness

00:28:46--> 00:28:46

Are you married

00:28:49--> 00:28:50

I'm sure he's not married.

00:28:53--> 00:28:55

We'll talk well done. Who's not married here?

00:28:56--> 00:28:59

Was that I know I was telling the brothers some of the

00:29:00--> 00:29:02

wives a brother. Oh as him Allah help you align

00:29:06--> 00:29:12

Okay, we want to politics. We just keep this a family show in Charlotte. Now I haven't received the answer yet.

00:29:13--> 00:29:17

Understanding love Who's that your I love you man.

00:29:20--> 00:29:23

You married. Masha Allah he's well trained.

00:29:26--> 00:29:36

Mashallah, 10 years you go far? It's true. Number one on her list Effie is love. I see the brothers writing this down Mashallah Good for you, man. Good for you.

00:29:37--> 00:29:46

So please understand the human being you're dealing with it is that crucial for you? Please understand, as soon as you put a man down what happens to him

00:29:48--> 00:29:59

he won't give you an example. It's like a you know the the the snake in that corner. It will bite. He'll defend his territory. He needs to know he is the man of the house.

00:30:00--> 00:30:04

As soon as he loses respect what happens? The Jungle rule comes How does it around you with the voice?

00:30:06--> 00:30:19

The jungle, the work the you know, the guy that's been working out, but things comes out and they were, you know, the physical threat, the voice is loud is drowning you it is reasserting its position. This is psychological.

00:30:21--> 00:30:23

What does she do? How does she get you back?

00:30:28--> 00:30:31

You know, the big round eyes, and all of a sudden, you're like this.

00:30:36--> 00:30:43

You know, boots and boots, you know, that Shrek movie that you got a guy that, you know, that's just me. Personally, you guys don't want you to Disney. Okay, my show

00:30:46--> 00:30:52

the idea behind it, actually, please understand the differences, recognize them and change them.

00:30:53--> 00:31:01

In order for you to change them, you will have to know something called that triangle of change. The triangle change, I use this in corporate law.

00:31:02--> 00:31:13

It's called the triangle of change, because there's three reasons for it. One is a message you have to have a message. So you're dealing with the message, you need to relay this message onto your partner.

00:31:14--> 00:31:18

And when you have the message, you need to communicate this message.

00:31:20--> 00:31:30

But how will you communicate this message? meters and uj? I say jump you say how high? Is this the way you're going to communicate this message alone?

00:31:32--> 00:31:40

Know how the Prophet Mohammed Salim say, even when he was jealous with certain things.

00:31:41--> 00:31:47

What did you do? Even Zainab introjection? What do you mean when she

00:31:48--> 00:32:12

gathered together? I mean, you know the story when even the honey came through, he got upset, and she broke that heart. How the Prophet Mohammed didn't recognize that and deal with it. Recognize that she's emotional, she's jealous and how to deal with it. Is is Laura Tomoko Laura Newcomb, your mother is get jealous.

00:32:14--> 00:32:25

And he was fair and calm and dealing with it. He says, It is only fair that you replace that pot with with one of yours. So communicate the best way possible,

00:32:27--> 00:32:28

in a calm manner.

00:32:29--> 00:32:35

So the message, you're going to communicate the message, and the last method is reward.

00:32:36--> 00:32:39

reward for both sides.

00:32:41--> 00:32:41

Believe it or not,

00:32:43--> 00:32:47

a man is full of starts with an E.

00:32:49--> 00:32:53

ego, you're right. ego, ego is good.

00:32:55--> 00:33:11

You know, you can actually hear your husband is doing really well. In business, successful, famous, whatever it may be in their field. But what is you looking for me off the you take it for granted, for example, and don't recognize that.

00:33:12--> 00:33:15

But what is he looking for? Who's number one fan?

00:33:17--> 00:33:21

Is what? You're right. He wants to hear it from you.

00:33:22--> 00:33:27

Believe it or not, that will you become his number one fan.

00:33:28--> 00:33:45

But if you want another force, if you accuse each other of ruining each other's lives, or put each other down, it becomes the exact opposite. It's detrimental for your husband, not to believe in him.

00:33:46--> 00:33:50

Given that sometimes we make stupid decisions, not sometimes most of the time.

00:33:52--> 00:33:56

Now your wife, what do you learn from Khadija delana?

00:33:58--> 00:34:02

Mr. Fuller, I'm just talking about how Prophet Mohammed Salim dealt with Khadija.

00:34:03--> 00:34:04

You know when he was concerned

00:34:05--> 00:34:07

as soon as you start to realize

00:34:09--> 00:34:10

what did you do?

00:34:11--> 00:34:16

Yesterday when you concern Where do you go? You go to your posse, right? You go to the hood?

00:34:18--> 00:34:30

You go to that? The brothers? Just Hey man, you won't believe what happened to me. Prophet Mohammed says Allah want his best friend. We got our best friends true. Who was his best friend? Khadija

00:34:31--> 00:34:39

Allahu Akbar. That is exactly what we're looking for. If you're looking for a best friend, that's, that's your best friend.

00:34:40--> 00:34:48

So you went in what did she do? She asserted the fact that he's on the right track. Law, one law he

00:34:50--> 00:34:55

Allah subhanaw taala would never let you down. You do 1234 What did you do?

00:34:56--> 00:34:59

She re emphasize the positive even know that

00:35:00--> 00:35:11

time, he was a little bit concerned. The moon is a millennial shaken. Cover me cover me ujazdowski is that you are that shoulder we cry upon

00:35:13--> 00:35:19

you the one that we are we drop our guards. We come to you baring our soul.

00:35:20--> 00:35:22

We come to you as

00:35:23--> 00:35:29

Yes, it'll get stronger. So my advice to the sisters?

00:35:31--> 00:35:34

How many of you have kids? Any of your sisters have children?

00:35:35--> 00:35:42

Okay, how many children you have 53. Now, keeping what I just said in mind, How many children do you have? Okay.

00:35:46--> 00:35:57

I repeat, the sister has three children. You got four kids? Now? You got it. Please keep that in mind. If you have three children.

00:35:58--> 00:36:03

And you have a husband? How many children do you have? four children.

00:36:05--> 00:36:06

You're right.

00:36:07--> 00:36:11

Never forget that. Because we were just a big kid.

00:36:13--> 00:36:22

We haven't grown yet. We won't grow. We don't want to grow. We don't believe we can grow. Inside, we're just kids.

00:36:24--> 00:36:54

Now, please understand that it may sound funny, but it's crucial. It's very important. These things understanding the psyches understanding that to put it into the difference between the two of you, I haven't even touched that differences between the children. I don't have enough time to go into all of this. But the most important ones is between the husband, wife for now. But there's lots that we cover in July and discover and the rest of it. And some other time we'll talk about it. But please understand that when you have differences, does that mean the end of the world?

00:36:55--> 00:36:58

No, you can live with the differences.

00:36:59--> 00:37:11

Now agree on certain things. Put a game plan or how you can address them together. Communicate, you have to have communication open.

00:37:12--> 00:37:17

And one is done. Please understand, I want you to put them down in black and white.

00:37:19--> 00:37:21

Why do I ask you to put them in black and white

00:37:23--> 00:37:43

because of the higher percentage of you doing it. Because if you hear something, you get a percentage, if you see something, get a percentage, you talk about it, you get a higher percentage, if you write it down, you get a higher percentage. So if you hear it, see it safe, write it down, you'll get a much higher percentage who will put the gameplan. yourselves.

00:37:44--> 00:37:58

You have three priorities. All I asked a couple to do is tell me about your three top priorities. We actually give them a wheel, they'll tell us all about what's going on. But we'll take that first one.

00:38:00--> 00:38:04

And the last one is minutes, I will leave you with that theory inshallah. Hopefully you can work it out.

00:38:06--> 00:38:13

The first thing you want to do is decide what is number one priority for you by asking your partner,

00:38:15--> 00:38:25

please implement the Six Sigma theory in your marriage by doing what we used to do something called sidewalk I'm sure some of you are trained in six sigma, any black belt here?

00:38:26--> 00:38:26

Good.

00:38:27--> 00:38:30

I'm not talking about another black belt.

00:38:31--> 00:39:07

The Six Sigma is a study, we usually ask for a sidewalk. And then we take that as the end user asked the end user, we take each other for granted. This is the reason she's upset. This is how I'm going to make her happy. Does it work? No, because you have not spoken to her. So what I'm asking you is to speak to your wife, speak to your husband ot is going to be more difficult for you to speak your husband because again, there's going to be challenged for you to speak to this man that he has a couple of things on his mind. What are they food and something else?

00:39:08--> 00:39:19

That's basically it. So you have to find the key. What's the key? You hold the key to your husband screw you hold the key.

00:39:20--> 00:39:29

Now we also learn we learned from Prophet Mohammed Salah that every one of us has a key. For example ricotta Raja llamada was this key

00:39:30--> 00:39:39

restaurant? You're right. Rihanna was the champ of wrestling in Al Jazeera Arab peninsula. How the Prophet Mohammed Salim speak to him

00:39:40--> 00:39:59

in his language, he spoke to him in his language. How did he bring him into the fold of Islam is if I wrestle you or Ghana will you become a Muslim? Is Yeah, Mohammed I don't embarrass yourself in front of your your companions and the story is longer but we're just after Prophet Mohammed salah and beat him. He says Shalom.

00:40:03--> 00:40:08

Now how did prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam deal with us man?

00:40:10--> 00:40:22

bashfulness he lowered his. So how about the father of a buck? But the law is after he says he made him. He made him go through difficulties we supposed to go to him.

00:40:23--> 00:40:26

But when he talked to her about how did he talk?

00:40:27--> 00:40:29

He grabbed the soldiers shoulders and what do you do? You shook him

00:40:33--> 00:40:34

up is the time for you to become a Muslim.

00:40:37--> 00:40:43

So you know, you're the only one that knows the key for your husband or your wife. You know why I know that it

00:40:45--> 00:40:48

is I know how we can actually turn this man on or off.

00:40:49--> 00:40:51

It's true, the keys in your hand?

00:40:52--> 00:40:53

Your smart woman

00:40:55--> 00:41:02

because you know, okay, I know this takes them off. 123. And this makes them why this makes them happy and smile.

00:41:04--> 00:41:09

This one usually you want to get one go there, I won't go there. But please understand the keys The keys are important.

00:41:11--> 00:41:13

I'm trying to be as politically correct as possible.

00:41:15--> 00:41:18

And I see some kids in the audience, I want to be a good steward of families.

00:41:20--> 00:41:23

So the end result is what a solution

00:41:24--> 00:41:33

in your mind, you're not trying to fish for faults, fish for faults does not work. It's a terrible beginning with a terrible ending.

00:41:34--> 00:41:52

You should have an understanding you should have something as a goal. What is your goal? I want to be I actually asked the brothers sometimes you actually your wife would be this and that and they look to heaven. When I go to the sisters, you know, of the you know in heaven.

00:41:54--> 00:41:57

They say you know what they say? Do I have to be with him in heaven also.

00:41:59--> 00:42:03

How bad do you have to be man that your wife doesn't agree with you in heaven, I'll help you.

00:42:06--> 00:42:42

But if you will make that decision of the they will be will lie they will be very beautiful like use about Instagram and they won't anyway inshallah and this is another topic altogether but look for that. This is going to be your wife and husband. This is going to be your husband and heaven inshallah I think with that optimistic way I think you want to deal with some of the things you want to do with Prophet Mohammed sauce in them with that spirit and there's not much to share with you but unfortunately we're out of time. So I asked Allah subhanaw taala to reconcile our differences, mend our hearts in our goals, make our homes to be a sweet home inshallah, as you see it right here.

00:42:42--> 00:42:53

I'm plugging myself now Home sweet home my Escalade, I know that you're raising your hand, do we take questions? Are we gonna have another session after can we take questions or Okay Okay, go ahead please out of balance

00:43:04--> 00:43:04

just

00:43:11--> 00:43:12

like

00:43:17--> 00:43:18

anything else.

00:43:26--> 00:43:28

Okay. Let me understand the question first.

00:43:31--> 00:43:39

I apologize. Please forgive me. As I talked earlier in my speech, please recall that we have a very short attention span.

00:43:43--> 00:43:51

So, if you wish that this was a slave of Allah would answer your question, please put in a point form 123

00:43:52--> 00:44:02

starts with what why, where when the why or who? Please repeat it in a format which I will understand and decipher. What is the question?

00:44:25--> 00:44:25

I got the question.

00:44:30--> 00:44:33

Your things are starting to evaporate, you know, the smoke coming out of my hair.

00:44:38--> 00:44:41

You understand? Now the point is proven and you know, I will feel

00:44:43--> 00:44:47

the sisters asking why should we bribe anybody? Because the

00:44:48--> 00:45:00

sooner they're established steps 1234. Voila, you'll see you're absolutely right. Does that make a lot of hate and beautiful reminder. But I want to ask you a question. Why are we calling

00:45:00--> 00:45:00

Hold

00:45:04--> 00:45:08

on Hello, Samia inside the inside melanesia

00:45:10--> 00:45:21

this word inside in Arabic comes from that derivative from this yet the root cause what is it? The word is forgetfulness. Why do you think Allah Subhana? Allah says in the Quran further kill?

00:45:22--> 00:45:33

Remind them in the realm of meaning, it surely will benefit the true believers. Why do you think the Allah Subhana Allah speaks about gender, and the Hellfire

00:45:34--> 00:46:13

and all that stuff in the Quran? It is that carrot and stick with it. It's the same thing for us, just to remind each other, you know why we know what's right and wrong. But what is the issue? It is a behavioral issue. It's a behavioral issue. Most of us know what's right and what's wrong. But it's just the behavior issue that we need to tweak and come up on the roadmap inshallah. So hopefully that will be true. Sometimes. I am going to leave you with one better. I'm going to leave you with one banner, please. Right beside the line. This should be written with a gold leaf. Please don't ever forget if I leave you with anything tonight.

00:46:14--> 00:46:23

Or today where are we now? I'm Australia some sort of last night I'm pleased for you last night I was like really I was telling the kids like I felt like was on drugs man.

00:46:24--> 00:46:26

I don't do drugs please raise that thing.

00:46:29--> 00:46:43

And I give credit to shake the trophy but he travels that Allah help him alight the batteries please don't ever forget this. In a beta in La Casa La Vina na na, mo de la Vega.

00:46:44--> 00:46:53

Which means if you refuse by to disobey Allah in treating us, we refuse to obey Allah in treating you.

00:46:57--> 00:47:06

You know, I will be asking about it later on. So remember it. I'll repeat it one more time in an item in La Casa La. Vina national in the mot

00:47:07--> 00:47:13

if you refuse but this will be a live treating us. We refuse to obey Allah.

00:47:15--> 00:47:24

May Allah Subhana Allah make us among those who listen to speech and follow the rest of it. Work with Armand hammer the lender. blandino salam Allah Allah saffioti. Again, the Kamala Harris salaam aleikum wa