Devil’s Deception

Zoubir Bouchikhi


Channel: Zoubir Bouchikhi

File Size: 26.28MB

Episode Notes

Share Page

Transcript ©

AI generated text may display inaccurate or offensive information that doesn’t represent Muslim Central's views. Thus,no part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever.

00:00:06--> 00:00:09

Mashallah, Mashallah, how are you my sisters and brothers?

00:00:12--> 00:00:14

I wouldn't be nice to me and I need

00:00:19--> 00:00:23

a lot of money handle of a dead end which he called the sulphonic, alarm,

00:00:27--> 00:00:27


00:00:29--> 00:00:30

alarm and in SOS

00:00:32--> 00:00:34

city, Emily wandered off

00:00:38--> 00:00:41

on racist abuse online, we have not gotten

00:00:42--> 00:00:45

the bear witness that there is no God but Allah.

00:00:53--> 00:00:57

We ask Allah to make as long as

00:00:59--> 00:01:00


00:01:03--> 00:01:10

ask Allah to make us among those who truly love each other for the sake and agenda together.

00:01:13--> 00:01:16

Of course, my brothers and sisters, no matter how much we speak about

00:01:17--> 00:01:20

marriage and parenting from an Islamic perspective,

00:01:22--> 00:01:27

we will never give that you rise to the assumption because it's

00:01:29--> 00:01:41

I think, in my humble opinion, this is the most important subject in the whole Islamic science, marriage and parenting. Why? Because marriage

00:01:42--> 00:01:53

is what leads to form a family and family is the most important unit in society. And the oma of Islam is hurting right there.

00:01:55--> 00:02:25

Many Muslims don't learn before marriage, they don't learn about the importance of marriage, they think marriage is, is a fifth thing that men and woman have to do. And that's it. But they don't understand the greatness of this institution. And that's why many of us don't give, they are not ready mentally, they have not. They think marriage is is the legal relationship between the man or woman to have children. And that's it.

00:02:27--> 00:02:41

And that's where the mistake is. That's where the devil's deception is, for example, and men, many of us, we fell in love to marry, but we did not really marry to, for instance, for example, strengthen Islam

00:02:43--> 00:02:52

to spread Islam, you fell in love with a sister she liked you or, you know, you came to her house and parents accepted and that's it.

00:02:53--> 00:03:07

We need to correct this within next generations next generations they have to do this they have to say I would like to marry someone who will help me grow in my faith. Number one, who will help me

00:03:09--> 00:03:32

become a better Muslim and who will help me inshallah form a stronger unit of the Muslim society which is happening with this the minimum idea of what I said in sha Allah insha Allah what happens? you overcome most of the problems that shaytan may put between you and your spouse and you definitely

00:03:33--> 00:03:36

will attain that that's inshallah.

00:03:38--> 00:03:41

But ask anyone getting married, why you want to get married?

00:03:44--> 00:03:48

He would think your question is there is something wrong with your question.

00:03:50--> 00:03:54

Well, a lot of Xhosa said everything you should do, you should do it for me.

00:03:56--> 00:03:58

When we pray, we pray for a

00:03:59--> 00:04:05

very good one we fast refers to who when we make promises to Allah,

00:04:06--> 00:04:07


00:04:09--> 00:04:14

Then when we give a lot his right, He will bless the rest for us, including

00:04:17--> 00:04:20

marriage will help you parent parents later on.

00:04:22--> 00:04:23

He will help you parents

00:04:25--> 00:04:30

to parents because you married for our sake. So parenting will be automatic.

00:04:31--> 00:04:35

Many many, many people many but they are not ready to be parents.

00:04:36--> 00:04:39

That's why when a baby when a wife is pregnant baby come.

00:04:40--> 00:04:42

Especially father is shocked.

00:04:44--> 00:04:50

So we tell him what what do you expect when you shouldn't be children and allies.

00:04:52--> 00:04:56

So you see him not really, for example, to even take his kids to school

00:04:58--> 00:04:59

or to help his wife

00:05:00--> 00:05:02

handle the pressure of mean mother.

00:05:04--> 00:05:15

Here are other watches soccer that had his sequence. There are people like that. Why because they never in their minds, were ready to be bands.

00:05:17--> 00:05:18

While in Islam,

00:05:20--> 00:05:33

Islam taught us to start talking to our children about marriage at the age of 1314 1314, we start talking to them, inshallah, one day that many, so you are preparing them.

00:05:34--> 00:05:35

But we are not.

00:05:36--> 00:06:00

Sometimes our children are in their 20s, we still don't want even to talk with them about it. And this is where we say I'm going to elaborate a little bit today. So I just want to recap quickly, with the rights of spouses on each other quickly, just bullet points, because I mentioned them

00:06:02--> 00:06:18

in previous classes. So I just want to mention that so that everybody stays with me in the same in the same page. Number one, the rights of women have wives, there are five rights. Man has to be these wife five rights.

00:06:22--> 00:06:24

Beyond these five rights, your husband sisters

00:06:25--> 00:06:28

are very, very generous.

00:06:29--> 00:06:39

Below this, they are not doing their job, Allah will do most of these five things. Number one, to live with her with my rules. What is

00:06:40--> 00:06:48

kindness, to live with her with guidance to be nice? What does it mean to be to feed her from what he sees himself

00:06:49--> 00:06:55

to close her from what he lost himself and to give him a drink and provide on her shoulder?

00:06:57--> 00:06:58

This his mouth

00:07:00--> 00:07:09

and also to discipline her verbally or even through the sea whack on her hand, see what no longer than the pen

00:07:12--> 00:07:14

on her hand or time if she does have a

00:07:16--> 00:07:22

why to discipline that as well so that the marriage doesn't go to locate or to divorce.

00:07:23--> 00:07:28

Number two, to teach her the necessities among the religion.

00:07:31--> 00:07:33

So it's the husband who teaches away.

00:07:34--> 00:07:41

If he cannot teach her, he should let her attend classes. Like him, the LAO sisters in this class, they become better Muslims.

00:07:44--> 00:07:51

Why? Because Allah commanded the man to look after his wife and kids. He said, Yeah, Alina Amman, Oh, I'm so simple.

00:07:52--> 00:08:12

All you who believe protect yourselves, and your wives and children from Ghana. So it's the duty of the husband is the duty of the husband, to do what? To teach his wife, the necessities of the religion, what is to be known, for example, to teach her

00:08:13--> 00:08:24

to read and, and learn about and that is working to teach her son as to teach her What is second, what is fasting how to take out make

00:08:25--> 00:08:28

the man supposed to know that the problem is many men don't know.

00:08:30--> 00:08:44

Because of the secular life we grew up in. And unfortunately, we are also with call victus. Number three, he should make sure that she is following the date.

00:08:45--> 00:08:49

whose duty is that husband for example, that she is wearing Pooja

00:08:51--> 00:08:56

is praying five times a day that she is fasting Ramadan, that she is making up

00:08:58--> 00:08:59

days that she missed

00:09:01--> 00:09:03

the day she misses her mother, you should ask her

00:09:04--> 00:09:09

did you make up or not yet, Ramadan is about to come down to

00:09:11--> 00:09:12

exclude this one.

00:09:14--> 00:09:29

And she didn't even Fast Forward five days that she missed. Whose duties that? You cannot just say what it's not No, it's your duty to remind her and to also protect her.

00:09:30--> 00:09:33

Protect her wife sexually so that she doesn't look for another

00:09:34--> 00:09:36

venue of now women

00:09:37--> 00:09:48

need to spend time with her in bed. This is the right of a woman. The fourth in case he's married to another one. He must do justice.

00:09:50--> 00:09:54

In case he is married to another one, he must do justice

00:09:55--> 00:09:59

is the right of a woman to be given time to be given to be given

00:10:00--> 00:10:02

kindness to be given a love and

00:10:04--> 00:10:16

not for the second one, and spend time only with the second one, no more than first, like some men. Number five, he should never reveal her secrets.

00:10:18--> 00:10:19

So it's the right of a woman

00:10:20--> 00:10:24

that her husband should never say something that is

00:10:25--> 00:10:32

secretive. For example, something she said to him just between her and him. He should not say that

00:10:33--> 00:10:34

some men do.

00:10:35--> 00:10:37

He may have found something on her body.

00:10:38--> 00:10:43

You know what the photos, not birthmark. It shouldn't say.

00:10:46--> 00:10:51

He may he may have said some things about her past.

00:10:52--> 00:10:55

Whether happiness or anger, he should not reveal that

00:10:57--> 00:11:28

is this lip. So these are the five rights of women over the husband's anything extra that this does, but that's what he's why he's being generous. Meaning Allah will ask us men, we brothers, about these five things, I repeat them quickly, to live with her in governance, to provide for her with whatever comes in line. Number two, to teach her that this is of the religion. Number three, to make sure she is following Islam. She is not going outside without proper dress. She's not.

00:11:29--> 00:11:39

She's praying, she's fasting. You know, she is doing her in number four. A to do justice between her and other women if he is managed,

00:11:40--> 00:11:43

and that he should never show

00:11:44--> 00:11:48

or reveal a secret or a defect that she may have.

00:11:50--> 00:11:50

No matter what.

00:11:52--> 00:11:59

Now the rights of husbands. Why am I repeating this subject quickly? Because I want you to see where we are

00:12:00--> 00:12:01

and how we can

00:12:03--> 00:12:14

avoid that there was deception in marriage. And then, number one, the rise of a husband and his wife, complete obedience. But not in this

00:12:17--> 00:12:21

hot wife must obey. But not when he disobeyed God.

00:12:22--> 00:12:27

For example, He tells her, let's have sexual intercourse during Ramadan.

00:12:29--> 00:12:40

It's his rights to have time with her. But it's not the time. He says no, we are fasting you are best just to remind him, even if she is not fasting.

00:12:44--> 00:12:45

She has to tell him No.

00:12:46--> 00:12:51

He cannot say a word himself. The woman who doesn't come to her husband's bed

00:12:52--> 00:13:15

the melodica will curse have you know some men are good at that at picking and choosing Mashallah they become even more. Because then they want something and they start getting all the ideas in a heartbeat. No, it doesn't work. But after Madeline between between Tara we have virtually no problem. But not there is this there? Is your husband system, God forbid says come with me to the bar.

00:13:16--> 00:13:21

I want you to go with me and traveling with me and take off the agent in this case you don't obey Him.

00:13:23--> 00:13:24

But if he says

00:13:25--> 00:13:28

let's go visit my parents in Hawaii, right?

00:13:29--> 00:13:30

Then your parents

00:13:32--> 00:13:35

don't make the boundaries Yama, Yama.

00:13:36--> 00:13:40

He said we go we go your life habits.

00:13:41--> 00:13:52

But this is what we meant obedience of husband in the obedience of Allah. complete obedience. Number two, the protection of the honor of the husband.

00:13:53--> 00:13:56

A woman is responsible for the

00:13:57--> 00:13:58

order and

00:14:01--> 00:14:06

the image of her husband in community, you should never bring him shame.

00:14:09--> 00:14:12

For example, She talks to men so much on the streets.

00:14:13--> 00:14:38

She'll laughs loudly. She does high fives with other men. This is she's bringing so much disrespect and shame to her husband. She shouldn't do that. She should protect him also in her in his money. In his money, his property, especially when he is not in town. And she should run his house. We need to make sure the house is clean.

00:14:39--> 00:14:45

The food is good. Clothes are washed. Excellent. The house is dynamically.

00:14:47--> 00:14:56

Number three, she should not leave the house without his permission. And for this sisters, you need really to take permission from your husband.

00:14:58--> 00:14:59

Do you know that no woman should leave the house

00:15:00--> 00:15:09

Without her husband's permission. Now, he may give you an open permission, blank check, for example, for those three years of

00:15:10--> 00:15:14

taking children for visiting your mother, but let's say going somewhere,

00:15:15--> 00:15:20

that he didn't give you permission, even for classes, you have to have these permission.

00:15:25--> 00:15:29

It's your rights to them. But it's also his rights to give permission.

00:15:31--> 00:15:39

So I hope if everybody knows his rights, and his duties and come to the library party, we work in harmony, it's because we don't know.

00:15:41--> 00:15:42

We don't know.

00:15:44--> 00:15:50

Imagine you start the project of construction, and you know nothing about construction. You don't even know how to start.

00:15:51--> 00:16:08

It will be tough. But let's say you learn that means who to call what to do, what to do, then you can start that that project. So marriage is a great project that Allah Himself performed in the case of Adam and

00:16:10--> 00:16:14

Adam, are they serve? And how are they set up? It's our perform that he can

00:16:16--> 00:16:20

about seven habits when he created them and sell men.

00:16:21--> 00:16:24

So it is something big now.

00:16:26--> 00:16:32

So do you think we can parents children, when we don't even know each other's rights

00:16:33--> 00:16:37

and duties? You don't even know the right of your partner?

00:16:39--> 00:16:41

How can you run the company?

00:16:44--> 00:17:05

You have hundreds of employees, employees are children. How can you manage the time when for example, you never give rise to his or her mother. And vice versa. Children are seeing dichotomy they're seeing something wrong. It's like you tell them don't lie. Why you like

00:17:07--> 00:17:21

safety thing when you tell them be good, but they see you're not good to their mother or vice versa. Respect someone other than you. You are not respecting his or her mother. The mother is not respecting the Father.

00:17:23--> 00:17:31

All right. So with this mighty sisters and brothers shavon comes here and teaches us one day.

00:17:33--> 00:17:37

He tells you you can you can ban the children by yourself.

00:17:38--> 00:17:40

Actually, I don't agree with that.

00:17:41--> 00:17:47

I don't agree that parents by themselves can do good job. You need the whole village to raise a child.

00:17:50--> 00:17:54

You need grandpa you need first baths Of course.

00:17:55--> 00:17:59

You need teachers. You need educators you need a man

00:18:02--> 00:18:03

unique trainers.

00:18:05--> 00:18:13

Unique tuition centers. So you need to know where to position yourself in society auto mix with

00:18:14--> 00:18:20

your children learn by imitation first. In a young age, the children learn through imitation.

00:18:21--> 00:18:22

For example, they see you

00:18:24--> 00:18:27

they see you then statements, they see you cursing.

00:18:29--> 00:18:30

They see you saying

00:18:33--> 00:18:38

so it's through imitation. Now since children learn first through imitation.

00:18:39--> 00:18:44

You have to put them in a society that is good for them to imitate.

00:18:45--> 00:18:57

But many of us know what do they do? They want their children to go to a yoga class but they don't want to give that first which is mixing with the rich and

00:18:58--> 00:18:58


00:19:00--> 00:19:00


00:19:01--> 00:19:06

this one, tell me about it with the luxurious people. People have luxury.

00:19:08--> 00:19:14

What's wrong with people of luxury? What's wrong? You don't even know what's wrong. Okay, here Give me what's wrong with the

00:19:16--> 00:19:23

people who are they cannot work unless they sit on a lazy boy.

00:19:25--> 00:19:25


00:19:26--> 00:19:27

cannot watch

00:19:32--> 00:19:39

what is it? You can't even listen to the speech of football or a touch like this. If there is no air conditioning.

00:19:41--> 00:19:46

You are so worried about that sweat that is coming out then what is being said to you in German.

00:19:47--> 00:19:50

So you missed a chance of learning something.

00:19:54--> 00:19:59

Another thing, life changes my brothers and sisters. Life Goes upside down. You just sold

00:20:00--> 00:20:01

The great

00:20:02--> 00:20:11

princes of Saudi Arabia and three J. panel, people who used to have golden golden planes planes full of

00:20:13--> 00:20:22

when they fly now in Parliament The reason because they have forgotten the nature of the Union, up and down. So today you are in luxury tomorrow.

00:20:23--> 00:20:25

And you're not never used to have cheap labor.

00:20:27--> 00:20:27

You don't

00:20:30--> 00:20:32

even have to be so difficult for you.

00:20:34--> 00:20:42

You'd be worried about, we thought that we had a stake in it instead of what I want. I'm going to see the cabin and just be around the cabin.

00:20:44--> 00:20:44

You missed it.

00:20:48--> 00:20:51

Why don't we build for your house near the cabin. That's it.

00:20:54--> 00:20:58

So that you begin to be so pleased, or whatever

00:21:00--> 00:21:03

it is, you got it. Careful Careful of lecturing.

00:21:05--> 00:21:17

Islam is not against good life. But it actually means forgetting that there is one day Hachi, and that's because donia with vitamin D. So you're ready.

00:21:18--> 00:21:18

You're ready.

00:21:20--> 00:21:22

You're tough, you're strong, you're

00:21:24--> 00:21:33

in marriage, those times also happens. Sometimes you have financial problems, you and your husband system, what to do.

00:21:34--> 00:21:37

Now go sell all those plates, gold plated

00:21:38--> 00:21:41

plates, or eat them better.

00:21:43--> 00:21:44


00:21:46--> 00:21:48

wasting money on those.

00:21:51--> 00:21:56

Now you start sending your very expensive jewelry that used to be expensive in the 80s and 90s. Now

00:21:58--> 00:22:06

when you go to have the jeweler interest to continue to give you the price it gives you is very depressing. Already you have a heart attack.

00:22:07--> 00:22:10

Oh my god, I thought I will make money on.

00:22:13--> 00:22:26

So careful. Sensing brothers. Your Rolex watch is your watch Same time, same time. Except that the thief will steal yours. And not the casual.

00:22:31--> 00:22:45

Office three sisters or brothers. Although it's funny, but my heart hurts when I see Muslims wasting so much money on things that are not necessary. By nature.

00:22:47--> 00:22:48


00:22:49--> 00:22:57

nice car in a nice house in a nice watch. Why collection of expensive watches?

00:23:00--> 00:23:04

Why is your phone every year yet you are the worst communicator

00:23:10--> 00:23:14

every year. what is x? Y is coming.

00:23:19--> 00:23:21

Yet you don't even send them to your mom

00:23:22--> 00:23:23

or your dad.

00:23:30--> 00:23:35

Or if you speak you communicate all these little emojis no more, no more.

00:23:38--> 00:23:38

How are you?

00:23:40--> 00:23:41

How are you happy?

00:23:44--> 00:23:46

So you see it's not a happy

00:23:51--> 00:23:55

marriage and empty now. Who did you marry

00:23:56--> 00:23:57


00:24:00--> 00:24:05

head on big problem for you in parenting.

00:24:06--> 00:24:21

Because when you marry a good person, it will help you that person he or she will help you so much in raising the children. And in covering your deficiencies. That's when you marry someone not good at all.

00:24:23--> 00:24:24

But maybe beautiful

00:24:25--> 00:24:38

or handsome or rich or from a important financial defendant family. But, but that person really doesn't. What does it mean to handle a child?

00:24:40--> 00:24:42

How do you think my brothers and sisters with

00:24:44--> 00:24:46

these things we could have avoided

00:24:47--> 00:24:59

if we just had what we call pre marriage, Islamic counseling before someone gets married. I advise you my businesses especially those who are not yet married, you need to add in

00:25:00--> 00:25:09

Sit with him on one on one, as for one hour or two, and say, Please advise us what to do. We need a mulligan, we are still engaged.

00:25:10--> 00:25:11

No one does that.

00:25:16--> 00:25:17

Teach us please, the sooner

00:25:19--> 00:25:20

you during marriage,

00:25:21--> 00:25:30

they don't. Alright, so try to do that. Try to include that as a session for your children who are getting married.

00:25:33--> 00:25:40

inshallah, in three years, they need a lot older than you don't worry about it, and you prepare for them now, number two,

00:25:41--> 00:25:42

it's never too late.

00:25:43--> 00:25:46

It's never too late to start working on

00:25:47--> 00:25:49

things and improving yourself. So how about

00:25:50--> 00:25:54

improve themselves by brothers and sisters at the age of 6070?

00:25:55--> 00:25:57

Don't say it's too late, I'm old. No.

00:25:59--> 00:26:00

I said Sahaba.

00:26:02--> 00:26:07

Work on their attitudes and change their behaviors in a very old age.

00:26:08--> 00:26:12

When there is a will, there is a way and when there is a good teacher?

00:26:13--> 00:26:19

Well, I think it will work. For example, someone has a problem with anger.

00:26:21--> 00:26:26

angry man, or any woman that is bad in marriage, it's going to cost you.

00:26:27--> 00:26:35

You may say Allah easily as a man. And you may ask for divorce easily as a woman because you are an angry bird.

00:26:39--> 00:26:40

So what to do?

00:26:41--> 00:26:46

You need to go and work with four stars or two stars or people you don't

00:26:49--> 00:26:51

please advise me from an Islamic point of view.

00:26:53--> 00:27:05

about what to do what to do, how to handle I have admitted Don't be in denial. Don't say that. They make me angry. Yes, someone is making you angry, you become angry. They know you're weak.

00:27:08--> 00:27:13

I lose its shape. When I get angry. It loses. Lose Well, you're gonna lose your life.

00:27:15--> 00:27:18

But it becomes your life and then you know more existence.

00:27:19--> 00:27:20

So you have to work on it.

00:27:21--> 00:27:23

Someone is stingy,

00:27:24--> 00:27:25

doesn't spend on his wife and kids.

00:27:27--> 00:27:28


00:27:30--> 00:27:35

Well, how do we one day a sister came to me and said shaved my husband is in. So I asked her.

00:27:37--> 00:27:40

How stingy is she stopped saying he doesn't take me for traveling.

00:27:42--> 00:27:51

Because in her mind, she thought taking her overseas, parading her is not stingy is when he doesn't spend on his electricity bills.

00:27:52--> 00:27:57

When he doesn't feed you, when he doesn't close you when he doesn't provide for each other.

00:28:00--> 00:28:10

Because he's not doing his necessities. The rest? say he's not being more generous than I except that you are not harming him. You're not lying.

00:28:11--> 00:28:16

You see, I corrected her because she thought she's comparing him to other women

00:28:18--> 00:28:23

who are married to other men. Then I said No sister, if your husband provides this.

00:28:25--> 00:28:27

If he doesn't provide the necessities, yes.

00:28:30--> 00:28:31

Is this clear?

00:28:35--> 00:28:43

Likewise, when a man comes and my wife doesn't obey me, and I said give me an example. And he says what is an example of Ramadan? I say you praise

00:28:45--> 00:28:47

he should talk. She is right.

00:28:49--> 00:28:55

So sometimes we assume things in marriage. We are wrong, not the other partner.

00:28:57--> 00:29:02

So instead of blaming people look inside, you might say that, you know, Sally Sam did

00:29:03--> 00:29:09

that approach of sigma Eunice's mazing in sort of MDR verse 8788, Allah subhana wa tada said,

00:29:12--> 00:29:14

with a no need to have a lovely

00:29:16--> 00:29:16


00:29:20--> 00:29:21

And that is automatic

00:29:23--> 00:29:25

mechanic in the continental body.

00:29:28--> 00:29:35

When a gentleman doesn't work as it can lead to great ideas that need really, to be

00:29:36--> 00:29:42

mentioned in this context. You'll know Sally Sarah, my sisters, and brothers don't know.

00:29:43--> 00:29:50

Elisa, when he fell into the sea, and the way it swallowed him. He did not blame his people.

00:29:51--> 00:29:59

Oh, it was because of them. I left that note. Now I have landed in the sea and awareness world. He just looked at himself and he said

00:30:00--> 00:30:06

There is no God that you are Allah, Glory be to You. I was wrong. I was among

00:30:08--> 00:30:08


00:30:09--> 00:30:27

So he looked at me said, this is the approach we need. From now on. When there is an issue in families, instead of blaming her or she blames you, each one looks at himself and say, what's my share of this problem? That is one way of solving marital problems.

00:30:28--> 00:30:32

For asset festa janella. Immediately we answer these prayers,

00:30:33--> 00:30:50

one agenda and save him. And that's how we will save the believers, meaning any one of us who may have the same problem like Jonas is not necessarily fall into the water, but fall into the water of marriage, divorce, hardship,

00:30:51--> 00:30:58

business things. And if you look inside and say, I think I made a mistake, please forgive me on one

00:31:00--> 00:31:01

of your problems.

00:31:03--> 00:31:04

There are now children.

00:31:06--> 00:31:29

So we said you need other people to help you raise the children. But you have to position yourself in the society with good people, good neighbors, for example. For example, don't go to a bad neighborhood and expect your children to be good. Because neighborhood has an impact on them. They may be looking outside to drug dealers, selling drugs, they may be looking outside to children's smoking. They want to try that.

00:31:32--> 00:31:47

Don't take them to school where crime is high. Remove them take them from that school away. You the father you the mother. Don't say no, I don't want to miss my class. I love I love my friends. Take them. They try for two three days. And that's it.

00:31:48--> 00:31:56

They make a game plan. And I am so shocked at parents who cannot take decisions in front of their kids. And I say who's the father you or him?

00:31:58--> 00:31:59

Who's the mother You are her?

00:32:01--> 00:32:06

Chef I tried to see is eating himself he's eating himself Can I get him more

00:32:09--> 00:32:11

you're hitting only with one one Yala for more wars

00:32:13--> 00:32:17

then that child will have bruises concussion and

00:32:19--> 00:32:20

then wake up tomorrow

00:32:22--> 00:32:31

but he goes to where you want because you are more mature and more intelligent than him so don't let immaturity

00:32:32--> 00:32:39

childhood run over maturity that's wrong. Unacceptable. So that's the mistake of parents

00:32:42--> 00:32:47

you know that in that school children don't do well and there is crime and this but your child likes it.

00:32:49--> 00:32:53

He wants to stay there she wants to stay that way. You move them to another school

00:32:56--> 00:33:01

better environment at least less problems and of course there is no perfect school.

00:33:04--> 00:33:06

Okay my sisters and brothers.

00:33:07--> 00:33:16

The other way also parenting please let welcome every interference positive interference from family

00:33:18--> 00:33:25

but nicely you reject an interference from family if they are going to spoil your child

00:33:26--> 00:33:45

for example, grandma or mother in law always Mashallah peppers, her children grandchildren, you should nicely decline at least is not the way I want my kids to. To grow up. My children must go to the machine for example, my children must go to

00:33:46--> 00:33:47

grandma's house No.

00:33:49--> 00:33:50


00:33:52--> 00:34:04

But if she for example, you see or your father or your mother or your parents in law, telling your child don't eat with the left. Don't say no to Allah. Be quiet. Because what they are teaching is the right thing.

00:34:06--> 00:34:07

To Be quiet,

00:34:11--> 00:34:13

but not when they are wrong.

00:34:15--> 00:34:15

This is

00:34:17--> 00:34:18

also teachers.

00:34:19--> 00:34:23

I love the way we grew up my sisters. I'm sure some of you are saying

00:34:25--> 00:34:28

you cannot tell your father and mother that Miko stands as

00:34:31--> 00:34:38

my teacher in for especially for an class teacher. Hit me. You cannot say that your father mother, why didn't you

00:34:39--> 00:34:43

because you must have done something wrong for the teacher.

00:34:45--> 00:34:46

So you can't

00:34:47--> 00:34:50

even complaining to them you can

00:34:51--> 00:34:53

so that there is only one way you stand.

00:34:55--> 00:34:59

How you memorize for as much as you can. Why? Because you're friends with them.

00:35:00--> 00:35:21

from you, my son in the grave, whenever you come to visit them, he will at least three few verses make two or more annually duty he have you read for yourself that they have a hand up because they they come to the left. Thank you man, why are those just so to just do which was to Jews 30 Jews, whatever.

00:35:24--> 00:35:26

So do not go against teachers

00:35:27--> 00:35:33

in parenting my brothers and sisters big mistake parents do what is it? Sometimes they talk in front

00:35:35--> 00:35:35

of the children?

00:35:36--> 00:35:38

About how bad is this teacher?

00:35:40--> 00:35:45

Even if the teacher is bad, would you be mad enough and woman enough to go and tell him

00:35:47--> 00:35:58

how bad he is? face him instead of talking back inside. So who is worse now, and the children are now disrespecting the idea of teacher?

00:36:00--> 00:36:06

Because there are other good teachers, so neither are the good teachers with pay, because they didn't always make fun of them.

00:36:08--> 00:36:27

Or ridicule him or speak bad about No. So they don't talk negatively in front of the kids about any teacher. Even when there is a reason you go and talk to the teacher work together, work together to solve to save the child and direct him towards learning the Sharma something of an asset.

00:36:29--> 00:36:35

So it's not only the parents, the grandparents and in laws, uncles and Auntie's

00:36:36--> 00:36:40

teachers now more than teacher also neighbors.

00:36:43--> 00:36:56

I remember a line item we used to be so afraid of our neighbors, because the neighbor cares. And between filename and father, there is always that you watch over my children, I watch over your kids.

00:36:58--> 00:37:09

So we were so scared that teacher, neighbor may see you doing something wrong, or saying something wrong, because he will tell you if he doesn't

00:37:10--> 00:37:13

discipline you himself or herself.

00:37:14--> 00:37:19

In companies used to be right. I don't know now. Now we don't even know the name of your neighbor.

00:37:20--> 00:37:21

You are becoming like America.

00:37:24--> 00:37:25

You don't even know who's your neighbor.

00:37:28--> 00:37:35

Or if your neighbor knows you, he always complains that there are cars need your help. What can I do is the street is the road.

00:37:36--> 00:37:46

If people Park is the road, as long as they're not blocking you, or entering with their own martial law cars inside your house, or inside your bedroom.

00:37:47--> 00:37:53

You have no way to complain. But they complain. And to me that's jealousy. Why you have

00:37:54--> 00:37:56

people come into your house.

00:38:01--> 00:38:04

So it is not only bad, we should

00:38:05--> 00:38:15

welcome anyone who can talk to your children and make them better. Because sometimes children learn sisters and brothers from third party better than you

00:38:16--> 00:38:18

used to sometimes you cannot even talk yourself

00:38:20--> 00:38:36

out of words. Why? Because you are too emotionally involved. So you are already upset or excited so much. That's why words are read bla bla bla from your mouth. But third party is not emotionally connected to your son or your daughter, for example.

00:38:38--> 00:38:38

A few days ago,

00:38:40--> 00:38:42

I received a couple of guests from

00:38:45--> 00:38:48

they used to be with me in America. This brother

00:38:49--> 00:38:50

couldn't say to his son,

00:38:51--> 00:38:53

another brother was telling him

00:38:55--> 00:38:56

who is not his father.

00:38:58--> 00:39:11

I was amazed at if he was doing a scale, you know smoking he doesn't know he was doing some naughty things. The father couldn't say, son don't do this, but the other man was simply because he's not his father.

00:39:12--> 00:39:25

So we need sometimes those strangers who are loving them as a human to say hey, don't do that. I would rather you follow or something like that. Because mommy cannot say that they're afraid.

00:39:26--> 00:39:28

And mommy say okay, I will call Auntie Swanson

00:39:29--> 00:39:30

suddenly you have anti

00:39:33--> 00:39:36

Alright, so this is very important what I'm saying

00:39:37--> 00:39:44

about letting others helping you do not get upset. Some parents are very sensitive. Others talk to their kids.

00:39:46--> 00:39:50

Then when you have trouble you want everybody to have enough. Good for you. How about that?

00:39:53--> 00:40:00

No, you didn't want you were so upset if another brother for example.

00:40:00--> 00:40:01

To talk to your son or daughter,

00:40:03--> 00:40:15

you feel offended. Now, when your son or daughter are doing things that you really don't like, and they may harm themselves physically even. You want everybody to come in Why?

00:40:17--> 00:40:19

prevention is better than your

00:40:21--> 00:40:30

preventing a problem is much better than falling into a problem and then trying to solve it. These things might be sisters and brothers.

00:40:32--> 00:40:40

Although we, we think they are strong, but they are not. The Parenting starts I told you before marriage is when you choose.

00:40:42--> 00:40:45

Here, don't don't say I'm sorry.

00:40:46--> 00:40:50

Can I go back in history of fixed by proper colors? You're stuck now that they

00:40:52--> 00:40:52

know what to do?

00:40:53--> 00:41:06

Don't let others do it's this advice I'm sharing with you share with us. For example, before you fell in love, you should have thought is this person going to be good father and mother for my children?

00:41:09--> 00:41:11

Because you want to have family?

00:41:12--> 00:41:15

Imagine your marriage was just so that you don't fall into her?

00:41:16--> 00:41:20

No, is more than that. I'm going to have a family that says that.

00:41:22--> 00:41:27

I told you the story of the father of saliva being Salahuddin in a movie

00:41:28--> 00:41:36

became quite old, his father in age, he passed the 40s. And he didn't get married. And he was a general in the app.

00:41:39--> 00:41:56

The reason why he didn't get married because he was looking for a woman who Allah will give him a child from her that we live in a medicine. That was his. So he was so picky and choosey he didn't find until allies.

00:41:57--> 00:41:59

Bless him one day when he went to his shape

00:42:01--> 00:42:01


00:42:03--> 00:42:10

want to see his shape, the shape of them of course, etc. For many years, she had the address. So he told him she

00:42:12--> 00:42:23

asked him, did you get married? He said no. When you are over 14, That's not right. The sooner is to marry. And he said I need to find my time. He said what's your time?

00:42:24--> 00:42:28

He said my time a woman who will give me a child

00:42:29--> 00:42:30

that liberates Palestine.

00:42:32--> 00:42:36

While they were talking, someone came to the door and talked about

00:42:37--> 00:42:43

the shape of course this is his house, he went to open the door. He found one of his students, female students

00:42:45--> 00:42:49

fully covered Shai she brought him some food she said my mother cooked some food

00:42:51--> 00:42:52

because his wife

00:42:55--> 00:43:06

that he asked her while the general father of salahaddin end up sitting inside he doesn't see the who's in the door. But he hears

00:43:07--> 00:43:14

the shave asked the girl What happened with that boy I have to ask for your hand my daughter she said

00:43:16--> 00:43:23

he said what's your time? She said the man who Allah will give me a son from who will liberate Palestine

00:43:25--> 00:43:26

Palestine Palestine

00:43:32--> 00:43:34

he doesn't even know how she looks because

00:43:35--> 00:43:36

you know No, no no.

00:43:40--> 00:43:42

You want to cry.

00:43:47--> 00:43:52

This will be format as you want to cry. Metal makes you cry before eventually make you happy.

00:43:58--> 00:44:02

They want to play drama Indonesian Malaysian gentlemen.

00:44:03--> 00:44:08

No drama after after marriage. There will be a lot of drama.

00:44:13--> 00:44:25

told you you have never known man before managed systems you will never know and many of us brothers you will never you think you know your wife. Actually not the managers that knowing what type of woman she is that

00:44:27--> 00:44:28

everything is fake.

00:44:31--> 00:44:33

Because you want to get that thing. So you

00:44:34--> 00:44:38

know, after menopause, you got it so you behave your way.

00:44:41--> 00:44:44

Before marriage, everybody wakes up for sonatas, so

00:44:49--> 00:44:50

no one wants to wake up

00:45:00--> 00:45:03

So, this bit of human because I see what it is,

00:45:06--> 00:45:08

Hey, I don't know even your names, okay?

00:45:09--> 00:45:10

Some of you I know,

00:45:11--> 00:45:16

when I teach, I never go around the bushes if I need you, I will tell you.

00:45:18--> 00:45:19


00:45:20--> 00:45:22

this issue of parity,

00:45:23--> 00:45:26

we should welcome any brother or sister,

00:45:28--> 00:45:31

any brother or sister who will add value to our children?

00:45:32--> 00:45:34

And sometimes by saying no,

00:45:37--> 00:45:39

no problem, I shouldn't be offended because

00:45:41--> 00:45:42

the child was making noise.

00:45:44--> 00:45:51

If the child was so quiet, and someone comes and says, in this case, there is something wrong with that.

00:45:52--> 00:45:55

But, but the child was not the child was responding to you,

00:45:57--> 00:46:03

was about to hit you with something. And you can't be mother, then let somebody else handle

00:46:05--> 00:46:07

I should thank him or her.

00:46:08--> 00:46:09


00:46:12--> 00:46:14

So shaytan sometimes wishes that

00:46:15--> 00:46:32

emotion that is inside you to say, Who is this person doing this is like saving, God forbid Your son is crossing the street, and a stranger comes and put him out from the way of the truck? What is that person? You say?

00:46:33--> 00:46:39

Your son was answering you that that was a truck coming to the picture. Take him away from you. Or ever.

00:46:40--> 00:46:45

that that person one day, they secretly yelled at him.

00:46:46--> 00:46:48

Hit him for stealing on his hand.

00:46:49--> 00:46:50

Next time.

00:46:52--> 00:46:53

If they're Islamic law that will cut off

00:46:55--> 00:46:59

at least two status or teacher or whoever or grandma or whoever.

00:47:04--> 00:47:06

I wasn't there or I was there I was weak.

00:47:07--> 00:47:18

Parenting starts with the person you choose. That person has to have certain qualities. Not Have a good wife or a good husband, a good father. And

00:47:20--> 00:47:22

how do you see that? Or you need to ask?

00:47:24--> 00:47:29

You need to ask for example, you see someone very good with kids.

00:47:31--> 00:47:35

Potentially he or she is a very good father or mother. You see someone that

00:47:38--> 00:47:40

doesn't want to be around kids.

00:47:41--> 00:47:45

That's not good. It doesn't want to be around kids.

00:47:51--> 00:47:52

You see someone

00:47:54--> 00:48:01

fighting with his own cloth. As we say Nigeria, you know, meaning meaning he doesn't tolerate even

00:48:02--> 00:48:06

his own cloth please, in this family tolerate you or your children.

00:48:08--> 00:48:13

So you never you never saw beyond that you are just prisoner of the look.

00:48:15--> 00:48:20

And the biggest mistake sisters do is this. You think if you don't accept anyone, no one will marry.

00:48:22--> 00:48:38

That is a mistake. Don't do that. Trust Allah. If Allah has written for you, to marry you women, but because there are more sisters and brothers, there is always that also even parents have this if no one comes to my daughter. No.

00:48:41--> 00:49:00

Your daughter doesn't have to marry MLA. He can marry Chinese person what is the Prophet but Muslim movement? We practice Indian Muslim, or we are Muslims in religion but racist in our choices. There's a lot of racism among Muslims. And we need to speak against it.

00:49:01--> 00:49:05

You see that first row in the masjid that those three

00:49:07--> 00:49:10

Chinese Muslim got to ask his daughter. He has almost half

00:49:11--> 00:49:15

the candy candies or black Muslim.

00:49:19--> 00:49:26

Grandma will say we say my grandchildren the chocolate

00:49:30--> 00:49:32

as if she is I don't know what

00:49:34--> 00:49:34

you also do.

00:49:37--> 00:49:48

Why you make fun of people scattered honestly we call ourselves Muslims. We call ourselves movements. A brother from a different race or a system from

00:49:49--> 00:49:52

our children are interested us.

00:49:53--> 00:49:55

We need now counseling and psychiatric hospital

00:49:57--> 00:49:59

because we are not Muslims in class.

00:50:00--> 00:50:03

We are Muslims on in the event that we need to be both

00:50:06--> 00:50:06


00:50:08--> 00:50:15

In America, I saw what oh my god and think about people used to pray behind me first row.

00:50:17--> 00:50:29

their daughters are in the age of marriage, a brother walks in with respect. Doesn't even talk to the doctor. He goes straight to the Father. He has a job. He prays with us in domestic regular

00:50:31--> 00:50:34

but because he's black, or Asian,

00:50:37--> 00:50:38

or whatever What happened to you?

00:50:40--> 00:50:50

Then you live in America. Okay, go back live in your area in German, Bavaria, whatever, even Germany now is messed up and get mixed up.

00:50:52--> 00:50:58

Don't do that. And expect that to come to you. Someone of different rates, they can ask the head of your doctor.

00:51:00--> 00:51:08

Now you may reject because of religion, no problem of the theme the theme rather, but don't reject the cause.

00:51:14--> 00:51:16

Or if he's blonde with blue eyes.

00:51:18--> 00:51:19

Like they're,

00:51:20--> 00:51:26

like all the brothers in the 90s suddenly wanted to marry Bosnian sisters in order to help

00:51:27--> 00:51:34

with abortion more about so many sisters same time, there was so many and Bosnia no one talks about Somalia.

00:51:39--> 00:51:44

Same time remember, there was famine in Somalia. There was war in Bosnia suddenly

00:51:46--> 00:51:47

in the 90s.

00:51:49--> 00:51:50


00:51:51--> 00:51:52

Actually, it's because they have

00:51:55--> 00:52:11

both Muslims. Actually better Muslim Somalis. If you know the history and if you know reality, that those people were still coming under communism. They were Muslim by name by culture. The others were Muslim by faith.

00:52:14--> 00:52:18

So this hypocrisy we need to stop it. There is a lot of racism amongst us.

00:52:19--> 00:52:20

And classism.

00:52:22--> 00:52:26

It's a double family and the parents of the boy are not that

00:52:29--> 00:52:29


00:52:31--> 00:52:33

Because that team doesn't.

00:52:35--> 00:52:38

She already had planned 4.3

00:52:40--> 00:52:41

How come less than

00:52:42--> 00:52:43


00:52:45--> 00:52:49

and that in for God that she was born without that illness?

00:52:55--> 00:53:00

Or her husband working for the government or working for the man he would have never had the?

00:53:01--> 00:53:03

Or for some money she has, what is this

00:53:05--> 00:53:09

stuff? I don't like these things. Because really these define these terms.

00:53:10--> 00:53:31

So when you reject someone for marriage, you reject him or her for lacking the most important ingredient of marriage, which is practicing Islam. Let's say he or she doesn't practice Islam. In this case, hamdullah no one lives. But you refuse them because they are not used or they are not in the Canon or money or

00:53:34--> 00:53:35

and many people regret, regret.

00:53:37--> 00:53:42

regret for Allah giving them a very good company date, and they refuse.

00:53:44--> 00:53:58

Okay, my business sisters. So here, I'm going to open up the floor for questions and answers because we need to interact in this class, because it's going to be the last about the manager we did for the fourth one.

00:53:59--> 00:53:59


00:54:01--> 00:54:03

for every problem, there is a solution.

00:54:07--> 00:54:12

For every problem, there is a solution. If there is good idea to solve the problem.

00:54:14--> 00:54:18

Don't worry about problems problems are part of who we are.

00:54:20--> 00:54:22

To me the human being is a problematic creation of

00:54:24--> 00:54:24


00:54:26--> 00:54:35

just look at a lucky us we worship somebody else. Allah gives us as we say thank you to Buddha or to Jesus or to

00:54:36--> 00:54:36


00:54:40--> 00:54:46

So put in your mind my sisters and brothers that every problem in life has a solution.

00:54:48--> 00:54:52

Sometimes the solution is not with you is with third party.

00:54:53--> 00:54:54

So you seek help

00:54:55--> 00:54:59

from our first then from good people

00:55:00--> 00:55:00

May advise you,

00:55:02--> 00:55:07

because you are pleased to not have that problem you are not thinking you are in a circle

00:55:08--> 00:55:10

you are in a quagmire and

00:55:11--> 00:55:17

twist you are being twisted 3d you can think property someone from outside can give you a rope pull you

00:55:20--> 00:55:27

every problem can be solved in sharp but when I say can be solved doesn't mean to your liking

00:55:29--> 00:55:30

you just have to accept

00:55:31--> 00:55:32

that this is solution

00:55:33--> 00:55:37

rather what we call the data you have to be pleased with the decision of

00:55:39--> 00:55:48

marriage like that also, sometimes we have many problems between husband and wife. Sometimes we have problems between parents and children.

00:55:49--> 00:55:59

Right. So there are ways of solving that inshallah. If you go back to the Quran and Sunnah bar that is better way to solve that is to prevent it.

00:56:00--> 00:56:06

That's what I am talking I'm talking 80% about prevention 20% about pure

00:56:08--> 00:56:18

preventive medicine. We need it, we need to send it in marriage. So the youth that's why I said yesterday's view, please bring your youth so that they don't fall into this.

00:56:20--> 00:56:22

Tomorrow even if your son or daughter.

00:56:23--> 00:56:35

Let's say something happens. You can relate. He was there you were there. You heard the shape what he was saying, but you remind him on on that. Okay, I got it. But we didn't get the immunization. How can I help you?

00:56:38--> 00:56:44

Okay, I stopped here. And we I listened to your questions and what is at least Open your hearts.

00:56:46--> 00:56:58

And asking doesn't mean it's you have this problem. This is an example. If I tell you something, doesn't mean it's me who is having this problem, but I'm asking for a friend or maybe a friend is trying to ask.

00:56:59--> 00:57:00

Open your eyes.