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Toxic Masculinity VS Feminism – Samosas and Sweet Tea

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Yusha Evans

Channel: Yusha Evans

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu welcome back to another episode of samosas and sweet tea, where this week we're gonna be talking about the trigger topics of toxic masculinity, feminism, alpha, beta, that whole thing that you hear going on all around the internet. We're gonna talk about it from the Islamic perspective, as well as the realism perspective and a Muslim couples perspective. Hope you guys like it, check it out.

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Assalamu alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh. Welcome back to some Ozanne sweet tea where as to waffle colors are going to be touching on a trigger topic today, as we talked about, sometimes we are going to talk about trending topics that are going around and being talked about and so many weird, different perspectives and

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give you the Islamic opinion to the best of our knowledge and our weird opinions that sometimes you might agree with and you might not right, said I'm welcome. Salam aleikum, everyone. So this whole trending topic now we see we talked about it before slightly when we talked about the Gender Wars.

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But now, you know, you see it going around has been going around for years with toxic masculinity, feminism, you know, now how to be an alpha, what is an alpha versus what is a beta, and all of that stuff.

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In reality, Islam has given us solutions for all of these things. Like I think one of the biggest problems we find and why this becomes such a, a cluster within our community is because we look outside of those things, we start looking for other paradigms, to solve our problems, which we can't, we can't ignore the fact that there is problems, right? You know, there's problems with with

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men being toxic, and I'm going to discuss why there's no such thing as toxic masculinity shortly. You know, there's a problem with, you know, women being toxic and feminism is an issue like all these things are issues. Yes. But the paradigm that we always see discussed is outside of the religion. Yeah, they're side by side almost like saying that Islam doesn't have the solutions, when in fact it does. Yes. In fact, it does. So

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what do you wanna start with? 120? We should start with you. Because I Yeah, what about my toxic masculinity? Yeah, let's start with your toxic. Those are my toxic masculinity. There's no such thing. Because masculinity, in and of itself is a praiseworthy trait. Allah subhanho wa Taala says, we have made men, protectors and maintainers. Like, that part of being masculine. Of being a protector of being a maintainer of being a provider of being a rock

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is is part of how Allah created us. But on the other side, we see with the examples of like the Prophet alayhi, salaatu, WA salaam of softness of kindness, of tenderness, all of those things need to be embodied in to what is known as being masculine. And therefore it cannot be toxic. There are toxic men, and there are toxic women, but there is no toxic masculinity. And there is no toxic femininity. How do you say that femininity feminine, feminine and me? It's a tongue twister. Yeah, femininity. Yeah. Feminism. There's no toxic feminism, literally, that right there because this whole southern tongue cannot put that one together. But there's no such thing as, you know, a

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feminism and masculine being toxic. Yeah, I think these were the traits. Yeah. I think the fact that they've put the word toxic and manliness among men together. Yeah, it's made it and it's, it's quite sad, actually. Because now you're associating a man with something that, you know, the two don't go together when it comes to their base nature and the way we were created.

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Yeah, because if, if, if a man is toxic, that's because he's a toxic individual. You cannot attach that to his masculinity the same way if a woman is toxic, it's her being toxic, and you cannot attach that to her gender. Yeah, but we do that. And then I, this Wi Fi and the the, the hypocrisy is that we do that but then we get mad at people when they attach things like, like terrorism to Muslims. Yes. Yeah, great point. Yeah, we it's a double standard, because we'll say oh, no, Judge Islam by its tenets, not by its practitioners. Right. The same we have to judge masculinity, by its definitions, according to Allah and his messenger Elisa to Sudan, and not by men. You have to judge

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feminism, based on the attributes Allah has created women with and have praised them for and not by the women themselves. So I find that a big double standards because you wouldn't want people to say, oh, you're a Muslim, so you must be a terrorist. No, we say don't look at Muslims look at Islam. The same way with feminism and masculinity. You need to look at the way Allah created us, which is with equity, not equal.

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You know, this is where we're gonna get, you know, we're close, we're very close to the lines here. There is no such thing as equality between two different types of people, there can be equity. And this is what Allah deals with this with, he deals with this equitable, not equally, because we're not the same. I think like you were saying earlier on my biggest issue with all this is that we've adopted like, these western ideologies on words, these feminists that you guys are using the words you're taking on their fight, and our fight is completely different. There's so much double standards within them, like for example, let's just say like these women that you're, you know,

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putting yourself into the same group has. So in France, you have like sisters who are fighting to keep the hijab on you have it in India too. And then you have it in, obviously, in Iran, where the fighting for the, you know, rights to take it off and do what they want with their bodies, which is fair, everybody, you know, can do what they want. But my issue here is, is that these feminists that you associate yourself with, they will not speak up for the sisters in France, and they will not speak up for the sisters in India. But yet they will. I've seen this online, actually where they actually are saying to Muslim women, why aren't you taking off your hijab in solidarity, so you are

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sourcing your yourself with this form of feminism, but they are like, absolutely crickets, when it comes to the fight for us to actually have our rights to actually keep the hijab on so you know, they're cherry picking, and you're associating yourself with these people who don't even you know, within themselves, there's so much division as to what they believe feminism is, well, it should show you that these ideologies are, are a farce in and of themselves. Because and this is with both sides of the spectrum, you know, conservatism or liberalism, they both have their, their their very negative points, but they tell you that it's freedom of choice. As long as you choose what we agree

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on.

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It's freedom of choice, they'll scream for freedom of choice, like my choice to take my hijab off, right? It's my choice to keep it on. Yeah, you don't support my choice to keep it on. But yet, if I follow your agenda, and take it off, then now you're supporting my choice, this is the problem. That's not a real choice. That is, that is a fallacy of choice. And just like human beings, Allah subhanho, wa taala, Allah created us with a free will, right? That means we can choose to do whatever we want to do with our lives. But those choices come with consequences, those choices come with consequences. And that's the thing is the individual responsibility, rather than this mass

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adoption of ideologies that has become problematic is that everybody has to be responsible for them selves. The problem is that we've basically fallen prey to the agenda where our worth and value is based on what society is pushing. So that's my issue with it. Because before it all started with the beauty and fashion industry, so where it was all about objectifying and sexualizing women, and now it's like, the new form has become feminism, basically. Because, you know, we've all had already fallen into that trap. I mean, look at all of our sisters now. And you know, just women in general, like, how much have we changed, we fell into, let's say, back in the days where it was, like,

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everybody was obsessed with being like, stick thin. And, you know, you had to pluck your eyebrows and all this other stuff. And then, you know, it was all about dieting. And then it went on from that to like plastic surgery, which is rampant now. Like, you know, Botox, fillers, and all this other stuff. And all of this is an agenda that they're pushing, and you're just falling right into what they want. And the next thing right now for them is feminism in the sense that they want to break the genders apart, when we're really in reality, we need each other, we complement each other, like, my femininity and your masculinity go well together. That's how we work. And from that, it

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will break down into breaking up a nuclear family, like it's all a plan, and it all like everything interlinks with one another to create a cause, like a breakdown in society, but nobody sees this. They just, you know, they don't think and I just don't understand how you're not seeing the bigger picture. Yeah, we are partners. We're not. We're not equal nor what I want to be. But that would not say that's the thing that drives me nuts is that as soon as you say things are equal, all of a sudden now, one is better than the other. No, no, no, by saying that. They're just, they're not the same. It's like saying the day and the night are the same. No, they're not. They're not the same.

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They they complement one another. We couldn't have they all the time. Couldn't have night all the time. Just like there's an old there's an old cliche, too many cooks in the kitchen. That's what happens when you create this. Everybody's equal scenario, is there's too many cooks in the kitchen. Now, you know, I mean, like, there's too many people trying to do the exact same thing. And it's not complimentary. Like Allah subhana wa Allah created men and women as complementary to one another. But yes, there it is a fact that Allah gave a man more responsibility, and that is not who is. I've tried to say this in so many ways. Like that responsibility comes with huge repercussions if you

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don't fulfill it correctly. Like yes

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Allah says, I made men, many, many men, maintainers and protectors over women. But that means as we talked about, in another episode, that I get the honor of not only taking care of my family, but I'm going to be dragged in chains in front of Allah and the digital mean question about it. Whereas a woman, we know from the authentic narration, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, if she prays her five daily fast, I mean, praise her five daily prayers fast in the month of Ramadan, you know, takes care of her obligations. And her husband is pleased with her, she'll be told to enter paradise during the gate that she wishes. Yeah, where's that?

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I was

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like that is that to me, that's, that's not equality. That's unfair, but it's Allah's equity. It's Allah's equity. Why? Because I'm the one that has to go out here and take care of all the other things. And you don't have to pay a single thing if you don't want to, you know, I mean, like you, your wife is allowed to work and earn your own money. But if your wife decides that she wants to sit down, and do nothing all day long, except take care of the home and our children, you got no choice but to get out there and take care of your family because Allah gave you that that obligation. So there is there is equity, but I don't want to be equal. You know, I mean, there's, there's no way to

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be equal. Yeah, but there's also the different, the double standard and hypocrisy now that you're talking about the fact that you are a protector, and maintain and I want you to be my protector. Like the example I told you once like, you know, when you traveled and our daughter always say this to me when my husband leaves to travel is during the day, she's fine. But at nighttime and this I mean, nobody said anything to us. This was you know, she just said this itself, that she feels she misses her father the most at night, because she feels as though if he was at home, she would feel more safe. And I never told her that and I said, Oh, mommy strangle this. Yeah, exactly. So you

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know, this is just the way we were created. And also another thing is that a lot of women, when it comes to feminism is like, my body my choice. But when it comes to a man's body and his choice, he doesn't get electricity from the western perspective. If there was a war to happen right now, you would have no choice but to be drafted.

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Let's take the example you want you want equality instead of equity. Yeah, so my breaks in our house and Milla night and I'm gonna poke you and say, Hey, go take care of I am absolutely not going to expect you to do and most women are going to expect the man to get out of bed. And yeah, and I have no shame in that. But I respect my husband because as men, of course, are fearful, he's going to have to go out and protect and protect his family. He's a human being a human being they have fear, but you know, that's his role. And that's what I expect from him. That's the fulfillment of like what Amara said that a man should be like a, like a lamb or a sheep with his wife, but a lion when

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she needs to be like, that's fine. I can be tender. And, you know, there's no such thing as my feminine side, you know, but explore my, my Tinder and kind and all that side, but when it's time to, you know how to handle business, like if somebody's broken or a house, but that's where the lion needs to come out. You need to go handle that. Or if we get into a situation where, you know, somebody comes to mug us on the streets, like it's my job to protect you guys. Yeah, and step in front of that, you know, I mean, and that's not to say that women should not know self defense, I you know, that's the thing. A woman should know how to put

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his job exactly like if I'm going out to the supermarket. I always feel more comfortable when my husband is there. And that's what the whole beta effeminate men think comes into play. You think you want an effeminate men until you get mugged on the street, you and your man is the first one to run screaming Oh my gosh. It's reality. You know, there comes a point where a woman likes to be challenged a little bit and if you do have a bit of man, like I don't want somebody I can walk all over I want to fight sometimes I want to be challenged. I want to have you know, I want those fair, you know, pheromones to come out like you know, when a manly man, there's a reason why women have

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pheromones and men have testosterone as the as the majority of their their chemical composure, and they should complement each other. I just, I maybe I'm wrong, but I don't understand how a woman could want a submissive effeminate man like what is attractive about that?

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This is something I find really, I guess, you know, maybe they weren't 100% Yes, man. I don't even know I find it hard to relate to this myself. Maybe when I was younger, like you know you want somebody who's I think the lines are skewed because I can't really nicely articulate what I want to say right now to be honest with you because it's almost like you want a man who wants who has to say yes to everything you want. But you're gonna get bored after a while. I just don't know what if they say they want they want someone who's simple with him. And simple this isn't a let me let me say it before we get too far there's nothing wrong with that there's nothing wrong with some things nothing

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wrong with something and there's a masculine manly way to simple real life you don't have to be an effeminate beta to do so. You know like you can be in truly in in in Nam rated with your wife and simple over her and still be a man. I think an issue is is what's happened now is either you're a sim or you're toxic was realized what people are missing now is that you can be there's a like a line in between both of them and that's what a man should be. And stop putting them into these lines.

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categories of assembly assembly is just what essentially what you're trying to say is a person who is, you know, catering to your emotional, mental and physical needs, by the way, I hate to break it to you, but that's what a masculine man should do. So basically, essentially what you're wanting is a masculine man and Amanda, you know, the way a Muslim man should be if you look at the way the Prophet peace be upon him was he was a great warrior. He was great romantic man, he was a great, you know, father. So you know, I don't know why we putting on adopting all these silly labels, or to say that stay at home moms are weak. And that's because yeah, I've seen that lot of feminists, women now

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it looked down upon stay at home moms, and I'm like,

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I would not want to train that, like now that, you know, when I traveled, I guess I didn't see as much of it. But now that I've been at home all the time, during the pandemic, and see what it takes to be a stay at home parent, stay at home mom, like all the things you have to do like that is like, it takes a strong woman to keep a household together, especially if you have children like there, there is no proper salary for that, you know, that's, that's a six figure salary. If you look at all of the skills that you need to have to do that. And that is, again, supposed to be complimentary. But what is what is the agenda, the agenda, I'm going to say this is as as politically correct as I

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can, the agenda is to get both the man and the woman out of the house, so that the children become Ward's. Yeah. And you're not raising them anymore. They're not being raised with your values. They're not being raised with your morality, they're not being raised with your knowledge and wisdom. They become Ward's why? Because both parents are out of the home. And your children spend the majority of their time with someone other than you. You get to see them for a few hours in the afternoon. And then you put them to bed and it starts all over again. Yeah, this was the agenda from the beginning, but it's not so much about us. It's about the children, once you will control the

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children. Because if they're thinking ahead, thinking ahead, right, we never do a short sighted we're so short sighted, they're thinking ahead. They're thinking that, you know, generation, what is it? What was my generation? Well, I don't know what

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the old people, older people, they know that we have our minds made up, right? Yeah. But children are malleable. If we can get all of the children, then we have the whole next generation. And when these old people die off, we own everything exactly. And we fall prey to it. So they pick and prodded us, through, you know, movies, and television, and magazines, you know, all of these things, social media, etc. They pick and prodded us to be at war with each other, when in reality, while we're at war with each other, they are stealing our children. And that's what we need to be worried about. And that is very scary. And I think that's one of the reasons why me and you, especially

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during the last few years, decided to look into homeschooling a lot more deeply.

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As far as talking about, you know, being a housewife, I've been, I've done both I worked. And, like now I'm a stay at home mom and homeschooler.

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And, you know, aides are really really hard. I remember when I used to work and I used to come home and I used to always think to myself how much time I've wasted away from my daughter used to be emotionally drained from dealing with all the stuff in the school districts and stuff. And, you know, I just didn't have much of myself to give my cup was full. So you know, for the women out there that work because they don't have a choice. I know, it's hard and you know, you deserve double the reward. But if you ask them, I think a majority of them would agree that you know, you do miss out on so much of your children's lives because of it. And you know, it's an honor and I see as a

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blessing for me to be able to be the person that teaches my daughter and our sons things about our deen because, for me, I see that as like, easy way to gain good deeds, like after my passing everything that they've done, essentially, you know, I've robbed you of that chance in some way. How many because you travel a lot, is that it's all come from me. So yeah, you know, there's so much goodness in it.

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You know, and when it comes to, you know, this whole situation of equity, if you look at how Allah subhanho wa Taala has given men, responsibilities, given men, you know, certain praises given men certain rights, given men certain obligations, in equity, he has given women certain rights, certain obligations, certain praises, I mean, you cannot trump the rights of a mother.

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The rights of a mother like no matter how much I love my children and they love me, your rights are always going to supersede mine. You know, I mean, like, parents have the after Allah, His Messenger, parents have your first right. And in that in the order of that is the Prophet SAW, Selim was asked, whom do I owe more respect to my mother, father, he said, your mother, he said then after that, he said, your mother, he said today so your mother, then after that, then your father, so you know, so where's the equality and that you know, mentioned me up in arms like, bro, what happened here, but I understand it. Because I get because of what you just talked about. You know what you just said, you

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are the teacher. Essentially, you are the nurturer. You are the one who protects their heart. You're the one who understands them. Like let's just say for example, I

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With children all the way up to, you know, when they start speaking in the little baby language who understands the child a better mother or father, I could like, understand her complete sentences you sing and nobody else would understand it like she loves you. She's a daddy's girl. But when she was younger in the sense that when it came to her emotional needs, I was more in tune and aware. And that's because I carried her for nine months and then have breastfed, so obviously, I'm going to be more in tune with that in that aspect. Yeah, but But then in turn, just because you have those rights, that your mother has more rights over you than your father does not mean that I'm relegated

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to some,

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some section that that's the same, the same way that just because Allah says men and or maintainers are protectors of women and gave them gave gave them a station above them in that respect, doesn't mean women are doormats, you know, I mean, that is where the line needs to be drawn, you know, and that needs to understand that, that men who go above and beyond that you're a toxic individual that's not has that does not have to do with your masculinity, that is toxicity in and of itself. Because masculinity would not, you would to be masculine means that you give people their rights as well. You give people their rights as well, you give everybody their respect. That was part of what

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my grandfather taught me of being a man. And that has nothing to do with Islam. My grandfather was not a Muslim, but he used to always tell me that part of being a man is that you give everyone the respect that they deserve, unless they give you a reason. Otherwise, you give everyone the respect they deserve unless they give you a reason otherwise. And that is the way it should be with men like we give, we give respect, and we gain respect, where we have earned it. Like at the same time a lot of men get called toxic, right? Because they demand our rights, but they're not willing to fulfill their obligations, hey, you hit the nail on the head. That's one of my rights. But I don't want to

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fulfill any of my obligations. That's where feminism has a problem where I want all of my rights, I want none of the obligations. And that does not how it works. That's not how it works. I suppose as a man, if I want my rights, I need to fulfill my obligations. As a woman, if you want your rights, you need to fulfill your obligations. That's just the way the world works. Yeah, the reality is, is that everything that I do as my role as a mother, and everything that you do 90% of it is interlinked. Everything I do if I cook clean, you should be cooking cleaning is not a segregated to this is female, that's male when it comes to the emotional needs of our children, is both of us are

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in it together. Most of the time, people I think why they have an issue with Muslim men is is because they stick to just the physical, physical aspect of if I'm providing for you, and I'm physically taking care of you, then there's nothing else I need to provide. Yeah. And they're irrelevant when we need to be able to be interchangeable. Yeah, like, if you get sick or don't feel well, I need to be able to pick up and clean and cook like I know how to cook. Anybody who's watched my socials know that I know how to cook. Like I can cook for my kids and my kids like my cooking. Like these days, men.

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When they get married, they want another mother. Yeah. You know, I mean, that's the problem with with with this, this this beta mentality is they get married and they want another mother. They don't want a wife. Like bro, if you cannot cook and clean for yourself. You know, I mean, like that is a problem of your own doing that. Let me just say one more thing is that after I gave birth to our daughter, I had like a pretty long labor and it was, yeah, it was a bit brutal. I was in hospital for three, four days. I don't even remember the first six hours after my daughter was born because I was just completely exhausted and I slept. I didn't change her first diaper. I did not

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give her her first bath. Do everything he had to do. I was just sort of being a man. Yeah. So you know, like, you got to think about these things. It's not like I was a woman. I'm your wife. If I was in a position where I could not do it. What would you do? Gotta do we gotta you got to do what you got to do.

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A lot of brothers out there. Their wife gets sick. They're eating takeout. Yeah, you know, I mean, their wives getting in and that's not cheap. Or you're asking your mom to cook you some food like you are grown man now Yeah. Your sons and daughters The reason the sons are like this is you know, okay, can you blame So to some degree the parents yes, but don't blame everything on your on your parents. I mean, you got the internet at your hands are so many we don't Yeah, you can't blame your parents for stuff you have to own up and men up so it doesn't trauma and stuff like that, that you've you know, you know, how to suffer from dude at their hands. There's nothing else that you

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couldn't have learned yourself. You got to recover from even I had to learn that hard lesson you got to recover from even childhood trauma at some point, you can only use it as a crutch and excuse for for so long. Before you realize it becomes your undoing. Yeah. 100%. So this is you know, it's a big problem that's going on today. Also about this whole Alpha mentality, which we've touched on briefly before, but you know, I have very strong opinions about this whole Alpha mentality. And and, and I don't have a problem with any individual. Now you know, me, you know me for long enough that I don't have a problem. If I don't have problems with people and trust

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To me, I'm looking directly into the camera for this one if I have a problem with you, personally, you'll know it because I was taught as a young man if you have a problem with someone you take it to that person. You don't go blabber about behind their back or on the internet. One of the worst things that I've seen that's happened in the last I don't know how long but God it makes me cringe so bad is Men Behaving like gossiping little school girls like you're sending indirects on Twitter says in the regs chatting You know indirects at each other shots across the bow on Twitter shots across the bow on Instagram and on YouTubes and back and forth to me is dramatic. Yeah, and it is it

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is it's not masculine It's not nothing masculine turn off. And I'm not saying that's only a feminine trait sisters don't know Yeah, but no, it's it's just the best way to describe it. You know, it's just not manly. Yeah, men deal with each other directly. Men deal with each other directly. Like I talked about the story of Bilal and Dada Yeah, when I when I when I would not have thought did Bill wrong and basically called him the N word and realize how wrong he was. He didn't write him a letter he didn't go say oh, hey, so and so you know, Bill, I'll go tell him I'm sorry. He went and found him in the most busy place in Medina fell on his face and said, I'm not getting up a fear until you

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put your foot on your face. And embarrass me the way I embarrassed you. Men deal with stuff like that, like if you have a problem with me, directed at me, yeah, directed me. And if you don't know me, well enough to direct it at me then you don't know me well enough to have a problem with me in the first place. So what are we doing here, but back to what I was saying. So I don't have a problem with any individual. But I have a problem with the way this whole alpha and red pill thing is being packaged right? Because it's like you're giving the highlight reel to be an alpha is to you know, is to do all the fun things. Let's go drive fast cars let's go jet ski and let's go horseback riding

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let's go archery and camping in the woods. And like, bro, that is fun stuff. I wish I could I wish I had the time in my life. To do that stuff. Being an alpha right?

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Means handling your business. The number one thing about being a man is taking care of your responsibilities. That means the people who are in charge you are in charge of like my normal responsibilities taking care of you. And the three children that we have My responsibility is making sure this roof over our head stays here food gets put on the table. You know, Boo Boos get kissed you know little things that I'm the tech support in the House like someone goes like and that's not something you can go and glamorize on Instagram is it you can I can make even though I've seen that one does this one guy that one comedian guy who who who makes those glamorize videos of like the

00:27:39--> 00:28:13

hard things they want to do Trey something another I've showed him to you before, where it's like he he glamorizes like the horrible things that parents have to do to make them into like highlight reels. And I find it absolutely hilarious because that's that's what a lot of this red pill is packaged as. And I'm sorry to tell you brothers, but if that's what you're looking at to be an alpha, you're probably looking in the wrong direction. And if you need to take courses on how to be an alpha, then there's a problem first and foremost already, you know, part of being an alpha is taking care of your sponsors taking care of the people who are under your charge. I wish it was as

00:28:13--> 00:28:51

fun as the highlight reels not saying that isn't that isn't part of being a man, you know, I mean, that is the fun part. That's what you get to do after you've taken care of your responsibilities. But I'm just very, very worried that that's the way it's being packaged. And that's the young object over here with just one point is that I disagree with you on that are focusing just under one simple point is because some people do need it just because they've had no male figures in their life. You don't you're saying if it's only teaching you the highlight reels, then then it's not really setting you up for being a man. Yeah, but you know, back to what I was saying is some men do.

00:28:53--> 00:29:25

Yeah, man. Yeah, that's a good point. And just let's also say archery, horseback riding. This is not just for men being a badass woman is not just you know, all this stuff. When it comes to skills and fighting. It's not just for women like women, we need to look at firstly, all our rights were given by it towards about Allah subhanaw taala, learn your rights, use your rights, you know, enforce your rights in all aspects of your life, like what am I and your rights, the manual, right frameworks of the religion. I know, there's so many amazing women to look at, like when you think about when I think about a strong woman. And I just think, you know, normally I always think about the

00:29:25--> 00:29:57

battlefields. And I think of you know, all men should only know about self defense. No, actually make sure our daughter now knows about self defense. And I myself need to get a little bit back, you know, into that aspect and start learning it from you because clearly that's your field is that you know, I don't know if you know the story about no saber bent cow, she was a great warrior. She was a great mother. And you know, she went on the battlefield and she was the I think it was a battlefield of her that she defended the Prophet peace be upon him like she defended our beloved Prophet that he said about her that in every which direction I look, she was there defending me, not just that she

00:29:57--> 00:29:59

avenge the death of a son in that battle to

00:30:00--> 00:30:03

So just think about this beautiful women are the study about

00:30:04--> 00:30:37

Halloween as well I think her name was forgive me but nice people I'm really bad with names. And it was Holly been bullied who is not one of the one of the greatest generals to ever exist the west of speak about him because he was just so amazing at what he did that when she was it was I think it was a battle with the Romans, that she came in like an arrow through the you know, through the ranks and he was just mesmerized by who is a soldier who you know, basically has no care in the world. And first she was known to be a nurse on the field. And she did all this because her brother was taken in during the battle. And then when he found out who she was, he was just taken by his was impressed

00:30:37--> 00:31:15

by her. And this was also a woman so you know, we're not just relegated to this, you know, soft, feminine emotional side, you know, but when we need to step up as women, we will step up, you know, and we should be able to, this is where the equity comes in is that we have both sides like men, their overwhelming, you know, characteristic should be to be a man and things a man does. But he should also have a soft, tender, gentle women, their overwhelming characteristic is you know, is to be more soft and be the feminine things that but they should be able to step up and do what they got to do. Because that goes for like the single mothers and single fathers out there. Like there's some

00:31:15--> 00:31:45

there's a lot of fathers out there the greatest women out there was a single mother first their first wife, our Prophet peace be upon him. She was a single mother to be mothers and fathers. Yeah, exactly. You have single fathers out there. A single father, they have to be the father and the mother. Yeah. And I believe because of what she went through. And you know, she became, you know, self reliant in the sense that she was a businesswoman that a lot of sisters that are on this feminist. She wasn't the independent I don't need no man. Yeah, no, because she saw how he was the one that was his emotional support and she is the one that lifted him up and supported him so that

00:31:45--> 00:32:04

you are the chosen one. So it was her that reinforced his beliefs. It was a woman and it was a saw him out. Yeah, exactly. She saw him out and he loved her so much that she made women like Aisha radi Alana, one of the best of women of mankind jealous. I know. I love that. She was dead and buried in her grave.

00:32:05--> 00:32:44

You want to talk about you know, I love a love. And you want to talk about you know Abadi in that sense. May Allah be pleased with our motherhood lesion to make women jealous of you when you are dead and rotting in your grave. That is boss status. And that is what she had with our Prophet salallahu Salam, like she was she was a woman. She was his comfort. She was his confidence. But she was also a her own woman. She was a business woman. You know, she covered him basically, she covered him like a garment emotionally, mentally, physically, she uplifted him. She was a reason why he was able to Yes, there were definitely yeah, there was equity. And in return, you see how he loved her.

00:32:44--> 00:33:21

And he held us such a high rank. Because the problem I see, especially with both the Alpha movement and the feminist movement, is that we're seeking our rights outside of the religion Yeah, and it should be within the religion. That was the point I wanted to make at the beginning is that everything that you guys are asking for has already been answered to us in our religion. And all these feminists are fighting for rights like you've already been given we were given the rights to our last name to inheritance to property, to pretty much everything that they fighting for we already have it the issue you have right now is a issue that is occurring due to the cultural impact

00:33:21--> 00:33:21

that

00:33:22--> 00:33:55

has happened on Muslim men and that's within our communities and we need to fix that within our communities and stops you know, we need to address that within the framework of the religion because if you think that you need things outside of the religion to give you your rights, that means you have problems with the religion itself. Yeah, in that in inevitable itself is such a super dangerous idea. And statement I mean, it borderlines on this belief, and I'm not someone who can say it can it does or doesn't but to say that Islam is not perfect when Allah says Allah Allium ACMA to Allah continue from this they have perfected your religion for your religion is perfect. We don't need to

00:33:55--> 00:34:33

add anything from it. Yeah, or subtract anything away from it. Just need to apply it to the best of all. I heard a saying listen, if somebody tried to enslave your body, you would fight for your freedom. But you let them get your hand over your mind so easily. And that's exactly what's going on here. Right now. This whole thing with the alpha and feminism is that the enslaving your mind. Yep. And and some of it is, you know, a knee jerk reaction of you know, men being overly you know, overly oppressive Yeah, but women would not we're not saying that doesn't happen it does happen to blame it on the religion nor can you blame it on all men. No you can't I hit that saying that all men are

00:34:33--> 00:34:59

trash and you guys can say to me come up with you know when we mean this no, you should have some respect these when I find that offensive when you say that I find that offensive because I am the daughter of a father. My daughter you are my husband. I don't think that about you. I have brothers we have brothers we have uncles and I just find it disrespectful I don't care if you're trying to say just you know you don't mean all it's just a generalize saying no is disrespectful because it's a general the generalization that is we are

00:35:00--> 00:35:03

suffering from a dysphoria of generalizations? Yeah.

00:35:04--> 00:35:39

Because of the acts of groups of people, we put it on everybody Yeah. But then if it happens to Muslims, we are up in arms, we are up in arms, such a double standard, like not all Muslims are terrorists, not all you know not. Not all Muslims or Arabs, like we fight that left and right in the shower scene, but then all men are trash or men who have been done wrong by women, all women are trash. No, no. There are men who are trash there, women are trash there, there are people who are just horrible individuals. But that doesn't get painted over an entire society the same like racism, we see that within racism. Now, you know, this race is trash, that race tragedy, but you have to

00:35:39--> 00:36:21

call it everything as where it is specificity, not generalization, you cannot overgeneralize because when you over overgeneralization becomes oppression, because an overgeneralization of an issue, you end up casting that onto people who don't deserve it. And that is called Gollum in Islam and the Quran that's called darkness or oppression. And you can't do that. You have to call it out where it is. And men along with pushing, you know that men need to be more alpha, which we do, yes, we do. The feminism of men is a huge, huge issue that needs to be addressed. Along with that we have to be fair handed, and also calling out the toxic traits that men are putting forward and trying to use

00:36:21--> 00:36:56

the religion to justify 100% men have issues. Yeah, we need to call it that's the problem is that we're not fair handed, you know, whenever and and we're not saying that men need to be more alpha, yes, but you men who are using your alpha, whatever you whatever terminology that is to be oppressive towards your women need to be checked. And vice versa. You know, I mean, like, yeah, it needs we need to address it with a with an even hand. That's what women and I can understand that that's where women are getting upset when I want to talk about alpha, alpha alpha, without addressing, you know, the things that men are doing Thank you mission was before we were speaking

00:36:56--> 00:37:09

about this a couple of days ago is men severely lacking emotional intelligence, when it comes to understanding a woman do not get married to a woman, before you have some emotional intelligence within you. Women will never understand.

00:37:11--> 00:37:42

But you know, don't call me surprised and shocked. And then you know, start, you know, retreating backwards, because you're just so overwhelmed. And you just don't know what's important. Don't get married. If you think if you want another mother, yes, leave. Yeah, she's not your mother. She's not your mother. She's not your slave. Nobody can love you like a mother. And I'm saying this because a mother will do anything for a child. And I'm saying, and so when you're getting married, she's not your mother. And he's not your father like this. This is where you're trying to fill in this. It is it is weird. It's trying, you're trying to fill in mommy issues and daddy issues a lot of the time

00:37:42--> 00:38:15

that is extremely weird. Yeah, we can talk about another time when it comes to mother's issues and daddy's issues. But you know, you're you're not marrying a slave either. Like, if you want a brothers, if you want a wife who is only going to be your subservient, obedient slave, then then then you're in it all wrong. You're all wrong, like your wife is going to annoy you. She's going to challenge you, she's going to call you out, she's going to do it like, that is just the way it is. And that also keeps me on my toes. Yeah, that keeps him on my toes. You check me from time that you've checked me, you

00:38:16--> 00:38:19

corrected yourself, check me from time to time.

00:38:21--> 00:38:52

And it's needed. It's needed. If you didn't, you just sat here and watch me just do any and everything. Because you know, you feel like you don't have the right to speak to your husband like that, bro, you could just let me go down some, you know, dark road, one of the greatest things that a spouse should want for the other one is to make it the paradise Yeah, because that's the greatest thing I can want for you, and you can want for me is to go to paradise. So if you see me doing things that need to get checked, they're not going to get me to my destination that you and me want to go to, then you should check me on that. And I shouldn't have so much insecurity, that that

00:38:52--> 00:39:27

bothers me to the point to where like, oh, how dare you? How dare you, you should be like, How dare you, you know, I have the right like, I am not your property. I am your spouse. And the same way brothers should you know, be you should be able to, you know check your wives at times, but you should know how to do it appropriately. You know, it's not the same as you being is checking your wife is not the same as checking your meat. Yeah, men and women are different. We are different. You need to learn the right way, the right times, the wrong times. You know, I mean, like there's certain things about that, you know, that you need to learn like you know me, you know, my moods

00:39:27--> 00:39:59

now, you know, when there's times to say things. I know you I know your moods. I know the times when I should address things and there's so there were times where I just gotta let that go. You know, I do got to take that for right now. But it's and women need to understand like the base nature of men and realize that they are very different from us. Women, like men are different, especially when it comes to more emotional attachments. Men are more logical, women are more emotional, and you have to come to terms with that. Well, the that's the reason why we're having so many conflicts is we're not coming to terms with our natures and working

00:40:00--> 00:40:06

within those boundaries within those boundaries, working with our natures, if you understand, and we're not generalizing either, yeah.

00:40:07--> 00:40:38

Yeah, but a lot of men are logical. And that's where Allah created us. Because, you know, we're supposed to take care of things and go to war and do things, we're supposed to be out there. And women are more emotional, because that's the way Allah created them. And that makes them the best mothers that makes them you know, the great wives, because let's just say that, because we were both logical and there was no emotion our kids will be right, exactly. And no, and yet, like you're just saying, and you know, we're great teachers in that as well. Because when it comes to the compilation of Hadith, the person that has the third largest is Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her. And what

00:40:38--> 00:41:07

did she What is she known for for that? And if you wanted to know about the Prophet peace be upon him? Where did you learn about his characteristics and everything? It was from her because she lived with him. So you just see, like the importance of a woman once again, if you look at our history, women don't look at all this new stuff they don't look at. The reason why you know about a woman is because of his wife. Yep. And then they said, we just had to work it with the framework. And you know what a brother comes and tells me like, Oh, my wife is so emotional, and they welcome to being married. Yeah, well, good to being married. And women, we have to be kind of, you know, understand

00:41:07--> 00:41:14

ourselves a little bit. I don't know about most women, but me myself for one week of the month, like for a couple of days, I am a

00:41:16--> 00:41:49

ques. I'm a roller coaster, and I don't like you about myself, but it's just the way I was created. Sometimes my body just kind of takes control over the mind. So you know, we know what we like so sometimes kind of be conscious about the fact that you know, I know what I'm like so brothers understand that understand that in Word grown here we're talking about you know, the the menstrual cycles woman's gold. Yeah, exactly. I don't know when that is and in the thing you should do your wife, you need to figure it out, sometimes has to tell me, I know what's about to happen with you. Because he can just detect the change in my like, you know, up and down mood. So you know, you

00:41:49--> 00:42:07

should be able to do this and act accordingly. You should be able to coordinate, there's gonna be times where you're gonna have to have a little bit more patience, you got to watch a dog, you know, your wife is gonna be more more snappy, like, okay, like, that's part of her anatomy, that's the, that anatomy is what allows me to have my beautiful children. So you know, have some respect for that.

00:42:08--> 00:42:41

Quran, give reverence to the womb, the other hand, you know, I mean, like you so you understand that. So you know, my Yeah, my husband shows me grace understanding of patients during that period. And I always joke around and say to mama, submissive wife, like, these days, you can even say the word submissive, because they associated with the word slave, I know, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't think I am. Anyway, to the point I'm trying to make his because he treats me like that, I'd have no shame in knowing that, you know, they sit and catering I love to do to for my husband, when I know he needs some, you know, like, you know, as, for example, as small as I like to do his like coffee

00:42:41--> 00:43:05

stuff in the morning for him, or, you know, at night, I know, he just sometimes wants me to come and sit next to him when he's gaming. Because you know, he wants to not be alone. It's just little things like this, just learn your husband, there's nothing wrong with it, there's nothing wrong with you know, wanting to cater towards him try to make his life a little bit easier. And there's nothing wrong with understanding that that men, you know, the number one thing is they they want respect, respected,

00:43:06--> 00:43:36

they want to be they want to be respected, because especially now, especially in today's world, where men are getting trashed on so much, you know, I mean, they're getting relegated to the box corners, and especially fathers. And, you know, we've talked about that in the courses and etc. Like, men just want a little bit of respect. Because we're out there, you know, putting our lives we're supposed to be doing all these things. You want a man that does what Allah wants him to do, but then we'll give him respect for doing it. Not only respect, we just want a little acknowledgement, yeah, men want respect and acknowledgement, they want to be acknowledged for the

00:43:36--> 00:44:16

stuff that they do. And that does not take a tremendous amount like your men, sisters, your man likes to have his ego stroked every once in a while. And that does not degrade, you know, in any way, just like brothers, your wife loves to be complimented. And she loves to be divided here, if you've complimented her about the exact same thing, 1000 times, get ready for 1001 and two, and three, because it's just the way women are wired in the way men are wired. If you acknowledge those things, and we start off with that, then that's the way we should do it. But you should be willing to put in the work in order to get the rewards you cannot show up, not show up for work all week,

00:44:16--> 00:44:49

and then turn up on Friday and asking your boss where's my check using black? What work did you do the same way men if you want your rights for your obligations, sisters, you want your rights, fulfill your obligations. And we can work together in partnership and in harmony to make this world a better place. Rather than it being a constant battle of us fighting one another for who is better on the Day of Judgment. We'll find out who's better until the endless work to make the world a better place indication is key. If you're not if you're not voicing it, you're storing it and when you starting it, it's gonna turn into resentment, communication, when you don't communicate in your

00:44:49--> 00:44:59

marriage. It is dead and he is on his way out. That's what I've learned is and I've learned the hard ways is communication is key. And that was very hard for me as being someone who's been

00:45:00--> 00:45:12

Hold everything up for his whole life is learning to communicate, but it'll get you into a lot of hot water brothers. So learn to communicate, pick your words, like really wisely. Like usually women don't have a problem communicating that many

00:45:15--> 00:45:49

brothers learn to communicate and it's just helped so much like even when I'm having bad days, you know, I come in, I tell you, yeah, you tell, like, right away. I'll tell you. I'm not feeling it today. So that you understand that the temperament I'm on today, and you know that if I'm a little bit more moody or whatever, it's, it's the same like the wife coming let me know. Personally, I'm on my on my mind I'm period. Yeah, then I should know if you wig out at me for no reason. I'm like, okay, like I despise the next minute. It's like, why are you leaving me? Come sit next to me. Yeah. And I realized that that's what it is. I mean, you get used to it. Yeah. But we're just like,

00:45:49--> 00:46:22

another thing is that women, as much as you don't want to admit it, we are actually born with value and men have to earn it. And you know, that's quite a sad situation for men, as I've told men, essentially, supposable women are always going to come around it. Yeah, make them money. And make it Yeah, women are always going to be desired. We're always going to have more to offer and men are always going to want as you are going to have to earn it. You are disposable and replaceable, unfortunately, but you should make him earn it because what is cheap is not appreciated. Yep. That's true. Yeah. value yourself as women perceive that appreciate. Yeah, it's it's disposable. Because I

00:46:22--> 00:46:44

can get another one if it's so cheap. Like if I buy a $5 Watch. I'm not going to take care of it. If I smash it and go get another one. It's $5 because it's $5,000 Watch. It's a whole different ballgame. Yeah, you know, I mean, you're gonna be very careful with it. So we've offered on again, we did we're nearly 50 minutes in oh my gosh, this was supposed to be that you want it to be 30 minutes. We are waffler extraordinary, we're gonna get the number one waffler award. And

00:46:45--> 00:47:07

the whole point to wrap it all up, is, you know, this, this, this whole thing that's going around these trigger words, alpha beta feminism, toxic masculinity, like they're all just trigger words to help to help fuel the gender war, when in reality, if we fall into that we are only falling into the greater plan. Yes, we have a greater plan, we are better together than we are divided.

00:47:08--> 00:47:11

And no matter what ALLAH SubhanA, Allah says, in the minutiae

00:47:12--> 00:47:49

that is not gender specific, it means that the believers are but family. If what even though it means brothers, it means in general, the believers, our family were like blood relations were closer than blood relations. And we should treat each other with that same respect. And the overall I guess the biggest lesson, as we said, is if you want your rights for the obligations, yeah, and if you fulfill your obligations, then demand your rights. And we're not negating that there isn't an issue that is an issue. So the issue why women feel like this, and we acknowledge that, but what we're saying is keep it within the parameters of the religion and yeah, and keep it within our community,

00:47:49--> 00:48:07

what you're asking for these Westerners to fulfill. Allah subhanaw taala has already given us the answers to all of these answers anyway, and they do not have the answers clearly. And they clearly, you know, don't want good for you basically don't have the answers because they change their hypocritical. Yeah, for example, change your ideals by the week by the week. Yeah.

00:48:08--> 00:48:15

But what we have learned, especially on the pandemic, is that we are falling victim to the real game, which is they want our kids

00:48:16--> 00:48:49

to protect the children. Yeah, protect your children, protect you and a strong mother and a strong father, at home working together is the best place for children to be brought. Not by the system. Yeah, system don't care about us. Alright, let's go before we get banned. All right. Yeah. We'll figure out what we're going to talk about in the next one. But who knows, I said, we're going to talk about topics that are trending, we will touch trending topics, because, you know, we have stuff to say because we talk about them to each other. But we also talk about topics that need to be talked about. This is probably not the last time we'll talk about this issue because it does need to

00:48:49--> 00:49:22

be addressed. You know, the things that are wrong. Like I said, we should be even handed but you know, we'll we'll see what goes on. See what happens on the next one. Might be a good one who knows we've been through it. Who knows we're we're we're just we're just winging it as we go. And if you guys, if you guys liked it, hit a thumbs up, let us know you like it. Comment down below if you liked it. And if you didn't like it, comment down below as well. It all helps the algorithm and let us know what you think we should keep on discussing and talking about and as always, maybe we'll see you on the next one. Yeah, thank you for your time. Thank you for your time. It's your most precious

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commodity take care of yourselves. I said I'm gonna take on more Rahmatullah. He will better care too.