Sadness, Darkness & Depression. Is there a way out?

You know,

with everything that's going on the past 18 months, you know life is hit a lot of it's hard. It's It's It's hit me especially hard as well. And sometimes it can get overwhelming. I'm someone who struggled with anxiety I've struggled with, you know bouts of depression here there I've struggled with trauma in my life and mother issues and all kinds of unsorted trauma. And, and this this 18 months of home, being your home all the time and not traveling and having to reinvent myself and do things, you know has brought a lot at the forefront 900 love, decided to deal with it. But

you know, we've learned to deal with loss. And a lot of people have lost family members to COVID a lot of people have lost their jobs.

Due to COVID a lot of people have lost homes, businesses, so many things have been lost.

And when it comes to loss, you can lose many things brothers and sisters, you can you can lose many things but let me tell you one thing you cannot lose cannot lose your Eman cannot lose your faith and Allah subhanho wa Taala cannot lose your faith. Because your faith is is is what you have your faith is is your center your faith is your fuel your faith is your connection. Your faith is your understanding of your Creator. You can lose your job, but don't lose your faith. You can lose your your your income, but don't lose your faith. You can lose family members, but don't lose your faith. You can lose your health. But don't lose your faith. You can lose your your kidneys, you can lose so

many things in your life you can lose but you cannot lose your faith. You have to hold on to that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that there will come a time where holding on to your faith will be like holding on to a burning coal will be like holding on to a burning Ember. And and some of the lessons I arrived from that is number one, there will come a time where holding on to your faith will be hard coming holding on to your faith will be a struggle. But another thing I've learned from that is if you hold on to a hot Ember, what's going to happen, that Ember is going to burn your hand, you're going to feel pain, you're going to feel

physical pain from holding on to that hot Ember, you're going to be burned and you're going to be scarred, there's going to come a time where holding on to our faith is going to be like this. We live in a world now where everything is thrown at us. Everything to distract us, thrown us everything to turn us away from Allah is thrown at us. everything to you know, to water down our faith to erase our faith to erase belief in anything is being thrown at us or at our children at us, you know, through whatever means it might be. We have to keep that faith, we cannot lose that faith. You know, lose anything you want to all the things of this world can be gained back. Family members

lost in short and long time if you keep your faith. You'll see them again in general insha Allah, you know that your health if it's lost, you could die and still meet Allah subhanho wa Taala with him being pleased with you if you don't lose your faith, keeping that faith keeping that priority of Allah subhanho wa Taala where he deserves to be in his messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is the most important thing that you can do in sha Allah.

Yep, channels that target Islamic mega books 100% so omnipresent. There's so many people going through so much right now. And that's why sometimes, you know, in the beginning in the beginning, I'm gonna explain a couple things really quickly in sha Allah. In the beginning I never used to share anything about my personal struggles for many many many many years traveling the globe doing so many you know videos, I didn't put any of the videos on my own YouTube channel there's a lot of you know, channels that get lots of views on my videos you know that are that are not on my channel but we're gonna start making sure now that we keep them all over here so I can I can kind of keep it

concise inshallah.

I never talked about my personal struggles, my personal you know, hardships, my personal difficulties. And the reason why I did that the thinking behind that was you know, there's so many people going through so much.

There's so many people going through so much difficulty so much struggle so much hardship. Mine seemed so miniscule. The things I went through seem so miniscule, I decided, you know, it's not even worth talking about it because there's so many people that are going through so much more. So I'm just gonna keep it to myself, you know, and only talk about the things that are good and I seem to be helpful, you know, and after a while

That creates a false image, that everything is good, you know, and that my life is like, I don't know, some people think that I were thinking that I lived some, you know, some life of some high profile celebrity traveling the globe Allahumma Stein is not like that, you know, people think that I had no issues, no problems, no dramas, no things going on. And that became super overwhelming that people had this opinion that was not realistic. So I decided to be more realistic with my, you know, social media, my channels, my podcast, my Instagram, I whatever it is, I decided to be more realistic about the things that, you know, I go through the things that I struggle with, because

what I did also realize is that maybe in sharing some of my struggles, maybe in sharing some of my difficulties, maybe in sharing some of my hardships. Number one, I would allow people to see that I am just like everyone else, and I go through what everyone else goes through. And also maybe the lessons that I've learned the things that that I've gone through, maybe you know, that will help somebody, maybe it will help somebody, even if we haven't figured it out yet. Even if I'm just sharing the hardships that I go through, you know, maybe maybe, maybe it will be that this will help somebody else to realize they're not alone, that if you're struggling, you're not alone. You know,

the believers never alone, we have Allah subhanho wa Taala, but also your, your, your your in humanity, you're not alone, you know, that someone whom you might think has such an amazing life is going through a lot as well, I'll tell you, these last 18 months have been held for me, hell for me, you know, but I've come on and I smile, and I carry on because I like to try to, you know,

be upbeat about things. And if I'm telling other people to hold on, if I'm telling other people to keep the faith, if I'm telling other people to never give up, then I have to be the one of the first ones to try to do that. And I have tried to apply that to every part of my life. I'm trying to segment off parts of my life and try to do the things that I that I tell other people to do. And when I fall short to be sincere about that, you know, to be sincere about that, you know, so we're going to be sharing more of these things in my next four or five episodes of the podcast are going to be about the most difficult struggle I ever faced in my life. And for those of you who watch my

podcast, if you haven't watched it, the episodes are still on path to peace, you can look up on YouTube path number two peace. But all of those are going to get transferred. Every single one of those I'm going to transfer over to this channel. And they're going to be categorized under the reflection podcast category where one is right now.

But you'll know that I went through abuse, I went through physical abuse, I was abused by my stepmother child beaten, nonstop locked in my room, cage it away for weeks on end, sometimes months, I went through hell as a child, abandoned by my mother at a very young age, because she was also very young, she was 17, you know, 17 years old when she had me. So that broken relationship on top of being abused by my stepmother. And then you know, getting back the relationship with my mother, when I was in my early 20s, only to lose her in my arms to cancer and watch her die right before my eyes at 27 years old before ever really having the chance to get back to the place where I thought

we could get back to, you know, then losing my grandmother who was really like the only mother to me, in my entire life, under some very difficult circumstances, which I'm going to talk about in the next four or five episodes of my podcast, you know,

all of those things do not equate to what I'm going to drop in my next podcast, the hardship that I went through for a period of about four years, that should have utterly crushed me that is that has utterly crushed other people in the similar situation. You know, the fact that at the end of that four year period, I had nothing, I literally had the clothes on my back and not a home to live in, you know from that in that was in 2002 from 2002 to 19 years now 20 going on 20 years later to be where I am today. You know it is it is it is only because number one Alhamdulillah because the deen of Allah Islam, without Islam, I would have been lost, I would have been destroyed, and I probably

would not be alive today. Number one, and number two, because of a survivor mentality. And that's something that you know, I hope to curate and instill in all of you insha Allah who to Allah who might be going through difficulties, who might be going through hardship is that survivor mentality, that you have to have that mentality that I will not be beaten, you know, this, this will not defeat me, this struggle will not in me, the struggle will become a defining trait and characteristic in my life and I am not going to let go. I'm not going to let go. Because we understand

that, you know,

this,

anything that Allah subhanho wa Taala puts before us is a matter of other it's a matter of decree, he has decreed that we go through this difficulty he is decreed that we go through this hardship. What is the wisdom behind the Allah item only Allah knows

Best, only Allah knows best what he wants from us through this difficulty, and I explained that the last time he's either testing us, he's purifying our sins, or he's raising our rank in the next life. And Allah has promised us that anything I have put before you, you can bear it, I will not place a burden on any soul greater than it can bear. And then Allah Subhana Allah tells us in the Quran, in I think it's in Sultan Hadid. I believe that

whosoever fears Allah, whoever has taught for Allah, Ya Allah who Maharaja, that Allah will make for them away out. And he will provide for them from ways that they did not know and understand. I'm telling you, brothers and sisters, this is 100% true. There have been times where I had no idea how I was going to make it out of a dark place. I had no idea how I was going to make it out of a difficulty or a situation or struggle. But one thing I do know for sure, brothers and sisters, one thing I will tell you right now without a shadow of a doubt, is that no matter what difficulties you face, no matter where hardships come before you no matter how dark, it may become, hospital one

night, my lucky husband Allah when the molecule that Allah is sufficient for us and He is the best of protectors. Your struggle may seem great in it. It is I'm not negating or diminishing your struggles, by any means whatsoever. Your hardships might be difficult, but one thing for sure, I know that no matter how great your struggle is, Allah is Akbar, Allah is greater than that struggle, no matter how hard your grief is, Allah is greater, no matter how deep of a dark hole, you fall in Allah Akbar, Allah is greater and if you turn to Him, if you give it to him, if you abandon your trust to him, and you allow him to be the decider of your affairs and you put your trust in Him and

you work for him. And you pick yourself up and you have hope in Him. As Allah Subhana Allah says, leemon Kana yongey Allah will Yeoman aka chroma cathedra for those whose hope is with Allah and the Last Day and they feel a lot, gratefully, Allah says, help me noon, successful indeed will be those who believe so I might be downtrodden for a while. I might be sad for a while, I might be depressed for a while, I might be in a dark hole for a while. But Allah subhana wa Taala has given me victory through my Deen and even if I die in that dark hole, even if I die with those struggles, even if I die in those hardships, Allah has promised me that the successful are the believers. And I'm holding

on to that that's sometimes all you have left. And maybe Allah subhanho wa Taala is breaking you down so hard, so dark, so deep, so that you have nothing left to rely upon Him because He loves you. Because he loves you and he cares about you and He wants you to turn to him. He wants you to turn to him. He wants you to have nobody else to depend on him. Maybe he's removed every friend from your life. Maybe he's removed family from your life. Maybe he's surrounded you with loneliness. He's surrounded you with difficulty. He surrounded you with hardship to remind you that he loves you and he doesn't want you to depend on anyone but him subhanho wa Taala

we will not give them we will not give up. We will not give in. We will not surrender. We will not fold, we will not crumble, we will stand tall in sha Allah hota and in this life, we will stand tall in this life we will keep our head up in this life will smile in the darkness. In this life we will smile in the difficulty in this life we will smile through every trial that faces us because we have Allah subhanho wa Taala and then in sha Allah, huzzah, Anna, if we die with faith, if we die with the man, if we die with the a la la la no heart, on the day of judgment, we will receive our deeds in our right hand, we will receive our scrolls in our right hand. And as Allah subhanho wa Taala

says in the Quran, that on that day we will say to people look at my room, look at my book, look at my record, look at my scroll. Look at because of what I did look at the faith that I had, because I held on because I did not give up because I stood tall against every struggle. And I never lost my hope and faith in Allah subhanho wa Taala and look at my record. This is what was promised to me. This is what was guaranteed to me and Allah does not in Allah, Allah usually fooling around, Allah does not break his promises. That's what I hope for all of you. That's what I pray for all of you. And I want to try to be here for you guys holding on to that trying to be an example, trying to hold

on to that. You know, I want to never be that person. No matter how big this channel becomes, no matter how big social media becomes, no matter how far we grow on this. One thing that I give you my assurance and I've given assurance to Allah subhanho wa Taala and told my family to keep me in check is that I never forget why.

I never forget who I am. And who am I I'm a Muslim. I'm a Muslim.

I am someone who understands the reality of my creation. I understand that I am nothing but a drop of blood, a clot of blood placed in my mother's womb. I am nothing but a decreed living soul by Allah subhanho wits and who is owned by him. I don't own my own self. Allah subhanho wa Taala is the owner of all things. He is the Creator of all things. He is the decider of all things, he is the ROB of all things. And it is him upon who I will put my ending trust no matter how dark it gets, no matter how hard it gets, no matter how much struggle is put before me. I am owned by Allah subhanho wa Taala and I submit to Him, I submit to Him, I submit to Him, we have to remember that but this is

we are nothing of our own. We have no power of own. When we say the Howler wala quwata illa Billah we are saying that there is the Howler wala quwata there is no power, there is no mite, there is no ability, except with Allah subhanho wa tion if we move it is because Allah has allowed us to move. It is it if we speak it's because Allah has allowed us to speak. If we breathe is because Allah has allowed us to breathe. If we eat it's because Allah has fairness, if we drink is because Allah has given us water. Anything that comes to us is because Allah subhanho wa Taala we must be grateful for it. If the difficulty comes in front of you.

Brothers and sisters, this is so hard to do. But it is life changing. It is epic. If difficulties come before you if hardship descends upon you, if the dark clouds of depression, follow you around, say thank you, Allah subhanho wa Taala Thank you, My Lord, for giving me this test. You gave me this test for a reason. And it is wisdom from yourself. It is a wisdom from yourself because you are allowed hacking, you are hacking, you are the most wise you are either you are the most just you would never do injustice to your servants. Thank you for this difficulty. And please allow me please allow me to take this difficulty with honor. This difficulty with dignity and let me learn the

lesson that you want to learn from it. Or allow me to be raised in ranks and Jenna, allow me to thank you for this difficulty. Because hardship is guaranteed. We were created in hardship Allah tells us, Allah tells us we were creating a hardship.

We are going to live this life in hardship. We are going to leave this world through seqra to mount the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that every single soul goes through the stupor of death in the stupor of death is real. And it is painful. And it is hard. And the most Testing Day of any believers life is in the day when they leave this world to meet Allah Genoa. And so we entered into the world in hardship. We're going to live this world in hardship, we're going to leave this world in hardship. And we're going to stand in front of alone the day of judgment on the hardest of days, the hardest of hard, the most strenuous of days, the most difficult two days. But we are hoping that

our faith or Eman our belief is going to allow us to pass through that test and receive our scrolls in our right hand, to stand in front of Allah on the Day of Judgment, and for him to tell us that He is pleased with us, him for him to tell us that all those difficulties you went through were so that you can meet me on this day with me being pleased with you, for me to forgive you, to me to grant your goodness to me to make your heavy your scale of good deeds and you can enter into Jannah and through difficulty May we pass through the Surat the straight bridge that is thinner than a hair and sharper than a sword. May we cross it like lightning and reach the other side and put both of our

feet in Jenna put both of our feet and Jenna and say we made it that's when we can rest brothers and sisters there's no rest in this life. There is no he is this life. There's no difficulty and there's no you know life without difficulty.

When mm hmm the Rahim Allah to Allah was asked by his son Abdullah one mm hmm Mohammed was asked by his son Abdullah, when we rest father, we've been through so much difficulty. Mm hmm. Midway through so much difficulty for this Deen so much struggle. His son asked him, Father, when will we rest? and his father said my son, we will rest when we put both of our feet in paradise.

Not one not one foot because maybe we don't get the second one. But what are you put both of our feet and Jenna, we will rest for eternity. We will rest for eternity.

Brothers and sisters this life is not easy.

It wasn't meant to be this life was meant to be a test.

And that test is going to define our eternity. Our forever are forever, brothers and sisters. So we just got to keep holding on. You don't know when your test is going to in this test you don't know. You don't know when the Angel of Death is gonna come knocking on your door.

So just keep the faith. You got to keep the faith. You got to hold on to your faith.

Keep pushing, and keep pushing and keep pushing. May Allah bless you all for joining us in sha Allah, forgive me for going on a little bit of a rant. But this is where we're going to take the channel in sha Allah. Yes, we're going to do some gaming, yes, we're going to have fun. Yes, we're going to enjoy, we're gonna laugh, we're going to joke.

We're gonna do all those things to help us keep going on those dark days, help us keep going through these difficulties. I'll be here, as long as I can be here for you guys in a long time.

But, um, you know, we're going to keep it real. And I'm going to try to always keep it real. That's one thing that I've always tried from the beginning. You know, I've always tried from the beginning to keep it real, from the beginning of my data. And let me tell you guys, I started my dad was a young man, you know, I hadn't been Muslim.

You know, I hadn't even been Muslim a good 10 years. Before I got thrown into the full time now with seen, didn't know what I was doing. Half the time, I probably spoke from a place of being ill informed. I went through my ups and downs of you know, being super strict religious Lee and, and getting into, you know, forms of religious extremism where everything was wrong, and this and that, and the other and everybody was off of it. And I I went through my ebbs and flows, and I've learned, I've learned,

but one thing that you know, through all of that learning one thing I want to try to keep congruent amongst all of the learning that I've done all the growing that I've done, as a Muslim, through my knowledge, through my experience, out of all the things that I want to do, is I've always wanted to keep it real with you. 100% You know, I've always wanted to be real, whether it's good or it's bad, whether you need to hear it, you know, whenever you don't want to hear it, I've always and will always try to keep it real, and not sugarcoat things for anyone.

Yes, we're going to try to enjoy our lives. I'm going to be putting stuff on the channel that doesn't have anything to do with the religion, the car scene, the gaming scene, but the thing is to try to show people to try to show Muslims that you can be a human being to to try to show non Muslims the our through indirect our through showing them that Muslims enjoy things just like you But the thing that we put above all of that is our Lord. I like cars. Yes, I like cars. I like building cars. I like PCs. I like building PCs. I like gaming, I like sports. But above all of that becomes Allah subhanho wa Taala and if I needed to drop the cars and sell them for the sake of

Allah, the PC for the sake of Allah, the sports if I had to drop everything and turn to my Lord, then it'll all get dropped in a heartbeat because we put Allah subhanho wa Taala first