Yusha Evans – Raising Children in Islam Nurturing Future Leaders

Yusha Evans
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Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. Welcome to another edition of Alloxan foundations podcast I am your host, rather than on today's podcast, I will be talking about raising children in Islam.

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We have a few topics to cover, such as balancing faith and culture, parent and child communication. Challenges in modern in modern parenting, as well as parenting throughout adolescence. Sorry, there was a bit of a tongue twister on my part. I have two esteemed special guests with me today. Joining me locally in the studio is my brother. I read the same article on how you can sit down with Allah and everything longtime they say Mother. Yeah, it's only been about few minutes. That's really pretty good. Insha Allah, we have another special guest joining us all the way from Texas. Salaam Alaikum. Brother Yasha. Evans, how are you? I am salaam Rahmatullahi. Or better careful, we are all

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good at hamdulillah Hamdulillah. Now the last time I asked you, how's the weather there? It got kinda got a bit awkward. So I'm not going to ask you that. No, we'll just leave the weather alone. The weather is getting decent right now. And if you mention it, if you mention it, it will go very bad. So that's yeah, that's just I think we should just skip that part.

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A lot that we need. We need some we still need some rain. No. Rain hasn't rained and almost for now we're going on for months on Allah Subhan Allah, I think it's a bit like, like Australia, but in the opposite effect. In summer, we get the rain more than we have in winter. So yeah, it's with HANA, we have to just be careful, like when people move away from Allah subhanaw taala. This is what happens in he starts out with holds, you know, the rain makes the more hate the sun than high temperatures and stuff like this. So we have to be very careful of moving away from our last month. And that's a norm in this day and age, unfortunately,

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with regards to today's topic, called parenting principles, with our children, such as balancing love, discipline and teaching values. I know among Vedic our head, you have five children of your own and, and two grandchildren Michelle, Lola and Vedic. And brother your shirt, you have I think, I believe three children of your own three and no grandchildren yet, but you have a parent. So that plays a massive part as well. I have two parents. So I basically have two perpetual grandchildren.

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So I guess it always works the same, I'd say. So my question and if you want I can I could start off with yourself about what what are some of the core parenting principles that you would try to instill from infancy of your children?

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For them to take as they actually grow, and and you nurture them as they get older? And if we want to go back to the step further than that, how do we actually parent as individuals, how your parents brought you up? Naturally, this becomes your second nature, how you bring up your children? Wrong, right? This is a problem. And that's what you have to sort of look within yourself, what are the wrong aspects of how we were brought up, and not to instill that into your children? Yeah. So into your day to day lives. And that's a big, big problem. So generally, generally, as every Muslim will say, the first thing we're going to be doing is what we have to look at Islam, what are the Islamic

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things that we have to nurture them with bring them up with, you know, as we know that we have to start teaching our children and what I'd say start praying site 710, we have to sort of encourage them a bit more. So there's a lot of Islamic things that we have to put into that. But one thing, which is the harder point is this love and nurture. This is a problem again, because if you weren't nurtured as a as a child, you find it difficult to show certain aspects in our domain. On normobaric. When I was in Texas with Russia, he was very loving with his auto lock when he would go out and do this. And I always mean i cursing her holding her, you know what I mean? holding her hand

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doing these things that showed the love from a father to daughter, which is amazing along with Eric and maleness. pantalla keep that bond between you strong. You know what I mean? Other people may feel that like it, it's a bit awkward for them. So even even like, you know, we talk about having, you know, a courses for marriage, before you get married, to make sure everything goes nice and rosy for that marriage. But also we should have courses in terms of how we actually bring up our children. What do we do? What are the wrong things within me and everyone is different. And you have certain amazing qualities, but you might have some weaknesses and certain points, you know, the

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menu, because as a father of two daughters as well, you can spill that you know, mine. Yeah, of course. So there's many, many aspects in terms of luck. That's a very, very broad question. You know what I mean? Yeah. Well, looking at upbringing, we grew up I'd say in a multicultural area, regardless of you did.

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Okay, I did. You grew up in a, you'd say what we would call it in these days. This all back then an Anglo Saxon sort of area and Australian predominant area. Not much multiculturalism there. I'd say it's something similar to what Brother you're sharp.

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I was was raised with as well correct me if I'm wrong, because obviously you're a revert to Islam. So you grew up with core values with, you know, Muslims, non Muslims and other things, you obviously

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instilled that into your children as well. I was brought up in the deep south of the United States, which the American audience will understand very, very clearly. But the interesting thing is that the deep south has its own culture, right? Like America, you think has a culture but realistically, it's regional in the deep south has a very strong culture and it's it maintains that till today, I'm back in Texas and I feel like I'm back at home. And I started to realize that a lot of deep southern values are very Islamic from the core. Like, the way I was brought up I was brought up with the number one thing that I was brought up with was respect that you respect your elders you respect

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people who are higher than you respect your your parents, you say yes, sir. Yes, ma'am. No, sir. No, sir. No, ma'am. You don't talk back to people, you know, these are just certain values that was still without one, this is still with it, that men are the caretakers of the home, they're supposed to have you know, these, these attributes of manliness and protect them this and, and women are supposed to have gentleness and kindness and softness, etc. So a lot of these things, I didn't have to like inherit as becoming a muslim and learned and they were just kind of ingrained in me already. But as Abraham Ed was talking about one of the things that I'm because I'm not the the chef on the

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show, we we have that document for that I'm the

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I'm the logical individual that tries to break things down. I look at when I look at my children, I have two sons and a daughter. And you have to raise them differently. You can't raise your boys and your girls exactly the same. You know, when I look at what boys are missing in today's world, and try to instill that into my, into my son's, you know, when it turns of, you know, realizing that the world is going to be a hard place for them. The world is a hard place on men, you know, so they need to learn toughness, they need to learn how to take care of themselves how to cook for themselves clean for themselves, like no, you know, I try to teach all my boys how to be self sufficient. So

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that you know, when you get married, that only enhances your life, you're not getting married, because you need another mommy

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with it, my daughter, you know, a lot of you know, we see it a lot these days that women are suffering from self esteem issues, they're suffering, we see it on social media, they're suffering from self esteem issues, and insecurity. So I've tried to instill in my daughter that love and constant affirmation of how great she is how amazing she is, how smart she is, how beautiful she is. So she doesn't go needing to find that from someone else in society. But the logic I've always tried to give to parents is relating it back to Islam, because I don't want to just be sitting here talking nonsense, is I try to tell parents and I've said this a lot in my lectures, that we need to

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number one, teach our children to have a healthy respect, love and fear of Allah subhana with Anna, but how do we do that, that starts with us, their relationship with Allah is going to be grounded in their relationship with us because Allah subhanho wa Taala is is is the one whom they worship who they can't see, right. But they see us every single day. So if you can teach your children how to have a healthy love and fear of you at the same time, like they know you love them to death. But they also know that if you cross certain lines have certain boundaries, that there are certain repercussions behind that my children all know this. Like they all know I love them to death. But

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even my wife tells me like they are afraid of you. You know, I mean, I've never I've never once disciplined my children with punished with with with spanking hitting never had to. It's just the fact that they know that if they cross certain lines, there's going to be certain serious repercussions of that because I think that's respect. You said they respect you that so they learn to respect and then I tell them the same way you have that love for you and respect for me. Above that you should have low fear and respect for Allah subhanho wa taala. So you have to learn to balance that they have to respect you, they have to you can't, you can be their friend, but you

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always have to remind them that you're the parent. But don't forget that happens in every household Look, when the father comes home. There's sort of the sense of the children. It's like, okay, I have to take it easy now. With the mother she's more soft, loving, caring, yeah, the father has that sense and children tend to take advantage of the mother's tenderness so for me definitely.

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Except in my house I get I get I get chastised by my wife because she for my daughter has the beat the disciplinary because I don't disciplining my daughter too much because she can't handle it for me. Because like when I discipline her it's like the end of the world like she thinks the whole world is crumbling down and she cries until I fix it, you know, but I'm, I also am very worried, you know about teaching that because we know the Hadith of the Prophet SAW sent limbs, it's towards the end of End of Days that parents would give birth to their masters. You know, I mean, like the children would have come the masters and we see that now we see it in today's world we see I see it

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all the time, especially on social media and in public. Children who treat their parents like like like they are the owner and the parent is the slave. That is what we see from the Hadith the Prophet saw a sudden

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2% So what? Like, if I'd say I pose this question to both of you, what are some of the strategies that you can share that, you know, we can, you know, build on that. And also, we don't actually rely on technology to teach our children but obviously, the parents teaching the child, these sort of core and fundamental values. I personally think that's got to do with age and understanding and wisdom. In it, the older you get different strategies. For instance, going back to my oldest who I've met in Villa, we had, you know, I was still very young, not very mature. And I can admit that now, with the strategy with the last three, that living at home now is totally different. You know,

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what may what I use now, will not find that very beneficial, where we're just, you know, me dropping off our children to school, I may have discussion with my oldest daughter, that who gets dropped off first. So I have a discussion with her. The one in the back is listening, obviously. Then he swapped sits in the front and I have a discussion about him. Classic example, he saw a dog on the street, and he goes, Oh, that's a canine. And I've sort of taken aback child in this day and age calling a dog a canine. I found that fascinating. I said that how come you calling that a canine? Where do you get this word for? Do you understand what a canine is? He goes here to dog. My head, I need to teach

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him a little bit more. Okay, you show that the only animal that is a canine is the other animals that are different wolves, coyotes, this that whatever it may be. So I sat down, as you're saying technology time discussing letting him sort of look up to you. It's because you're educating him. Not that I'm saying it, but we're watching. There's something that I taught him in our domain, that one on one time, I think is crucial. Crucial. Yeah, of course, for you know, the upbringing of the children. I had a discussion my daughter, yes, I was like, Ah, she, you know, she came back and after a little bit different in something, did you talk to her? And I said, Yes, I did have a firm

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word, as you said, No beading know what he called, but in a stronger approach to an opinion that I had it, you took that on board, you know what I mean? And that's going back to roles. And you know, you and your wife having any, you have to work together on this, you can't both be tough, and you can't be both feet soft. Know what I mean? Yeah, and you can't work against each other, which is a big, big problem in, in marriages, where the husband and wife aren't seeing eye to eye, each one pushes their own agenda. And that's a big, big problem, you have to be working together for them to be on the same page.

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Correct? Yeah, that's one, that's one big part of it, that boy had just mentioned, is that the parenting begins with the husband wife being on the same page, you guys are not on the same page, you're gonna have a problem, and you're going to find children that manipulate that. And they will manipulate that. But one thing I found very, very beneficial is number one, you need to instill in your children, the understanding that they can come to you, you know, I mean, like you need they, they need to be able to come to you with anything, you know, I mean, with knowing that you're not going to automatically, you know, jump to conclusions, or automatically punish them for any, any,

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every little thing they do, they need to know that they can come to you with the most crazy things they've done the most crazy ideas they have, and that you are actually going to listen and sit and try to talk to them. Because if they don't talk to you, they will be talking to someone else, and someone else will be giving them advice. That's something I try to tell a lot of parents and I've talked to so many people in my counseling sessions now that don't go to their parents or anything, like they're afraid to go to their parents. And that is a huge, huge problem. That's our biggest battle, the influence of the outside because you know, when they go to school for seven hours,

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somebody's gonna teach your kids 100%. If you don't, if you don't let them think that they can trust you, they'll find somebody else to trust 1,000%. And generally, they will take different over the parent because you know, the parent aren't giving them fun, and you know, that they just want to have fun and have a good time, we come home and say, Hey, take it easy, calm down. So with parents that want to adopt this, and let's just say they have almost a zero,

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or no foundation in regards to building this sort of trust with the child or the children, like what are some of the strategies that you would recommend to start that whether it's a father or a mother? You know, I realized that if it's a mother and daughter, there's a connection there that that's closer, but obviously there is always a connection between their daughter, but how do you how do you progress on that you have a number one find common ground, you know, I mean, you find common ground with them common interests, things that you can, can relate to things that you might not even necessarily be interested in. But you find interest in it because it's a it's a common ground that

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you can find with your child. It's the same way like a husband and wife that we have to find common interests that we like in each other. There's certain things my wife likes to do that I do with her. I don't necessarily tremendously like them, but she likes them. So I like them. And so we do them together and vice versa. Like with my children, for those of you who watched me long enough, you know, I started the whole gaming Muslim gamers league during the pandemic because I'm an old school video gamer I'm sure I've worked on that as well, like we played grew up playing Atari, Nintendo, all of this. So that's been kind of an into my children is playing games with them and being

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involved in this. Because one thing I would say about technology, and this is this is where I differ just a little bit in some ins

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I'm methodologies that I've heard where it's like, no, keep your trend away from technology. And I'm like, if you keep your tool and away from all technology, you're not setting them up for the world they're gonna live in, you know, I mean, like, that's not, they are not growing up in the world we grew up in where technology was not necessary, we can live without it. They are living in a world where technology is going to rule every part of their, of their world. And if you don't teach them how to properly navigate it, use it, use it to their advantage, know the pitfalls, teach them about these things, then they're going to find themselves very lost, just like you know, with with

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schooling and writing the like, My wife wants our daughter to learn how to write in cursive. And I'm like, don't, don't push that as much as typing because I have almost forgotten how to write in cursive, what do we write anything for anymore. So you have to find common ground with your children. And the advice I give to parents is raise your children for the world they're growing up in, not the world you grew up in. Because that generation, when when, when when the what they call it the.com. Age, when that happened, the whole world changed. And those of us who raised in the pre.com era, we cannot raise our children like that we have to raise them for the world they're

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growing up in so you need to know about these things you need to know about social media, you need to know about all of these apps and all of these programs, because if not your children know about them. And if you're not knowing, then they're going to you're going to be lost. Yeah, I guess just setting limitations for that, I guess, with social media and just being on technology, just setting limits. When do we actually turn off? So we can have a normal life? You know, many people like, you know, we gather together and everyone's on the phone. But if we're away from each other, as we know, we'll actually be on WhatsApp together and talking about when we're face to face. We don't speak.

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Yeah, it's a crazy world. Again, setting limitations. When do we have to be normal as humans? And when do we need that technology to benefit into what we're learning all the security things like all my kids, I have security an app on their phone set where I have, I have full control and full access to the phone. I know everything they do I know every app they use and how much time they spend on I can put limitations. I know every website they go on, I can put restrictions like all of this is super important. I love that that's why you treat things but other people may say you're too controlling, again, if from parent to parent, this is going to differ. That's where people make

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mistakes. They will let the children go a little bit too far. Yeah, that's right. There's this whole new concept. And I find it, I saw it on the news the other day, and I find it the craziest thing ever, which is just called Free, Free Free basing your kids. basically letting them do whatever they want is the new thing that's coming up, like let them just do whatever, let them choose what they want to eat, what they want to drink, when they want to go to sleep what they want to where that is. I'm just like, what, I think there's a school at that here. They said it actually won some awards or something in Australia, I forgot which one what is the dress with no uniform, they'll come in. And

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they just basically learn whatever they want to learn. So if someone just wants a coke or so will do whatever it is, doesn't have to be, you know, technology based or educational based in the essence of the old type of education that we sell it, but see with with that sort of education, like regardless whether they mean well or not, but then they'll tend to lose the focus of what for example, your shirt was bringing up when he when he was brought up. And I'll use you as an example because you made mention of it. What was instilled into you when you came across to Islam is a respect for others and other things. You know, for example, you know, you see someone walking in,

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you might let you know, hold the door, I go get the door first 100%, things like that. Now, I'm not saying you know, this doesn't teach them that but 99% of the time, they won't be there won't have that instilled in them because, you know, there was no one there for them to teach them these sort of core values. But they forget we had teachers teaching us back then for instance, again, different worlds different eras or this was tough. I still remember Mr. Coombes. In grade three for me. He used to give us something called the wallop. Right The Well of course, he grabbed your hair, and he would wall up your head like this.

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We used to know the cane we had we had a big paddle. There was a long big old paddle wooden paddle in the school when I grew up. Look yesterday on the news they showed one what he called it you know, the prisons for juveniles? Okay, this was one of them in Sydney, all around Australia, whatever it is, is only 10 inmates at the moment who are underage. The gods fearing these children, the children's so right you got grown adults that are getting beaten up by children. This in our day, you should imagine a child beating up a police officer. This was unheard of. You'd get a kick up the roof. It's literally never again different eras, different ages, different things happening. Now.

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Really, we live in a different society, then that's when you get pulled over. Like let's say you were doing something stupid as a kid, right? Like toilet paper in a house or you know, stupid things you get. You weren't as afraid of the police officer, as you were when the police officer said I'm going to call your parents to come pick you up. You know, I mean, now now it's coming completely reversed. You know, there's no fear for the parents but we're fear for these authority figures like that's just, it's just crazy but one thing your kids cannot live without. And this is goes back to our Dean as well is struck

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Sure, you must teach your children structure doesn't say our religion is, is based upon structure, if you don't teach your children structure and just let them do whatever the * they want to do, then you're going to try to when they become 10 years old, oh, now you need to pray five times a day you need to make will do it this time, you need to fastest way you need to, it's not going to work, you have to teach them structure from an early age. And I think it comes back down to luck, what I was initially saying is that you teach them young and as they grow older, it's kind of like you're adding on sort of the, you know, the, the additions, like when you were when you were making mention

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of, you know, from the age of seven, teaching them how to pray, and then you reinforce it at the age of 10, and things like that. And then, you know, you add on additional things, or additional pillars and other things as well. You know, it is very important to get them to start from an early age, I think, I think them starting at a later age, it's important to have what you were talking about before brother Your show is, you know, active listening and open dialogues, you know, and get and getting them to understand on their level, so that way they can, you know, they can start instilling this information, you have to figure out what what works with your children, you know, I mean, like

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you there has to be structure. And there has to be, you know, encouragement, there also has to be repercussions. You know, I mean, like, like for us when we were growing up, the repercussion was the wallop. Or the or the stick? Why? Because there was nothing to take away from us, the only thing my parents could take away from me was the freedom to go outside. You know, I mean, I would get grounded. Now, we can't even get our parents to go our kids go outside. Yeah, so what do we have, we have these things like for me is technology. If you do such and such, you lose your access to your computer, you lose your access to the internet, you lose your access to your phone, or your iPad or

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whatever, go outside and or telling them to go outside, that's a punishment now get out of the house, like why wouldn't I do that, I guess another problem is also each child is different. So what may work for the first may not work for the second third, every child is different, everyone has, you know, different sorts of temper, and you know, what I mean?

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is different, some are smart, it's lucky when they say, you know, your your fingers are not all the same size, that is exactly the same thing with your children, you may have one child that is very confident the other child gets pressured and bullied, for example. And these are the some of the things that you know, as a parent, you also almost share in face with the child, you know, to, to build that self confidence and also to protect the child and, and other things as well. If if you do experience your child, having these sort of issues like peer pressure, or external influences and other things, I'm not sure if yourselves, you've experienced that with your child or anything like

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that. But if you have or if you have heard of that in the community, what are some ways that you know, that, that, you know, the child can actually build that sort of confidence for us, I think it'd be different. So he counsels I counsel, so we may have the tools, but other parents aren't gonna have the tools because this this segment is more for the viewer. Right? Don't be scared into bringing someone in, for instance, you know, you got an Imam, you got a close friend, there's a professional, sometimes you might make the wrong decision for your child, you know, without you seeking that knowledge, because you could be ignorant from this, you know, if your child is being

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bullied, how do you lift their confidence? You with me? Yeah, and that depends, again, going child to child, I might say something now, that may not work for that child. So it's an individual case by case by case, don't be afraid to ask for help. There are plenty of times I wish there was like raising, like Obama said, raising my my, my first who was 17 I hadn't when I was 26 years old, like it, you know, like, I didn't know what I was doing. And I didn't really have, you know, a great role model and my parents, but so I learned along the way, but I wish there was more outlets like there are now to reach out to to get help. Like, I have a lot of counseling sessions now where I have

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parents bringing me their children, you know, to try to help them with certain issues, because they're like, I don't know what to do. And that's where it is, if you realize that you are in over your head, then get somebody to get some help. Don't be afraid to ask for help. It's not a failure as a parent to ask for help. That's actually a strong position. So it's a sign of strength, that you're willing to acknowledge the fact that you're in over your head and you need some help a lot of children will, will accept from other than their parents. Yeah, that's right. Like you might say the same thing as a as a parent. But because this person said it in the exact same way, but because he

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said it, they'll accept it from them. We had an example because we do a lot of children activities in our masala one of our Imams spoke to I think he's a 15 or 16 year old kid who didn't pray, the parents tried their best. We got an message back to the side may Allah reward the person who spoke to my son, now his son to pray. Like I took another person apart from the parents to sort of encourage him and now he's praying from the left. So again, going to different activities. Going to the masjid taking into these programs is another way of helping your child develop as well. And that's, that's crucial. Well, one one thing and it's good. You've made mention of the age there is.

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As I get older, they obviously you know, I have a thing with my daughter. She's 16 But I say that she's 16 Turning 25 And what I mean by that is that she

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thinks that he knows everything, you know, everything there is to know about the world. Different strategy. Mr. Haney? Yeah.

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So, one, like the reason the reason why I'm bringing this up is because obviously as they get older, they become more, you know, more independent. And if you want to say that. So given, you know, the proper strategies to teenagers gets a lot more difficult than raising them as a seven year old child sort of thing, they've given them the independence that they deserve, but at the same time, providing them with the right

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values with the right education coming from an Islamic point of view. And given them the, you know, something as simple as, you know, charity, for example, or something as simple as you know, ensuring that they pray, as you made mention of, how can we maintain that sort of things to be instilled in our children as they get older.

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For my strategy with my own children, and small now I have to try to befriend them, I sort of take a step back, then I keep reminding, I'm not going to just go mute. You have to pray you have to pray get up, don't forget the time, like you found, you find yourself like a parent, you're always talking over and over and over and over again. But you have

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because in this day and age with the children, they're very fragile, you push too much you force you broken them, they can take off and how many people are missing? You always said on Facebook and other social media to say, have you seen someone? So have you seen so and so a lot of them are who are some children, correct us, but living in this time where the sensitivity then less we love for instance, usually back in our days, many people would not run away from home. Because if you run away from home, when you get back home, what's gonna happen? You get a call, you got a cup of men, you know, maybe had a different now it's like, you can't touch me, you can't do anything to me,

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Don't raise your voice at me. Who are you? Who do you think you are? This is just the way the mentality is unfortunate. This is how it is. In our society has given children more freedom in terms of no one's allowed to say anything, discipline is very minute. And this how society has, this is how societies, so befriending your child at the age of 1516, seven thing will be better for you in terms of just getting them to trust you more, let's just say they're doing something wrong. Instead of them doing it behind your back, hope that they can come to you and say this, and I'm doing x y Zed, you know, how do I fix it all that you know, they have a support that thing go speak to you?

00:27:17 --> 00:27:53

Correct? Correct. And I think that's important what Brother Lucia was mentioning in terms of find common ground, to befriend them, so that way they can confide in you. I mean, it's difficult. For example, if a father or mother, you know, doesn't spend any time with the child, and then expect them to, you know, all of a sudden share, you know, their hopes and dreams and visions for the next five years, or whether they see themselves in five years time, or this is what I want to do. This is what I'm feeling or whatever it is, like it's difficult to have these conversations as a child to a parent, if they've never shared that during their initial, you know, teenage years or, or whatever

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it is. It's like any other relationship you get out of it, what you put into it. Yeah, that's just expected by default. Our kids aren't raised in that society more before. Like when when when we were right being raised, especially myself, I bought, the society taught us instilled in us to have respect for our parents love for our parents. Listen, our parents schools taught us that like nowadays, this society teaches them the complete opposite. So you can expect it just to be there by default, without, without cultivating. You heard me how many times say when I went to Texas, how I enjoyed the environment, because of that sense of respect for others. Thank you, sir. People to hold

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the door open, you know, going back to the point of everything that you've eaten on a public table, everyone cleans up after? What do we say here? Yeah, just leave it for the actual waiter, waiter or waitress to clean them out of the seat, it comes back down to the community itself, surrounding whether it's Muslim or not. Even this advice from country to country may vary as well. It's very hard to sort of navigate as a parent, how would? Or can you rely on the surrounding community to reinforce the sort of values so for example,

00:29:00 --> 00:29:21

you know, when you were talking about Texas, for example, how, you know, people clean up after them and things like that, you know, for example, this sort of stuff in terms of, you know, respect for the next person sort of thing, you know, that, that side of things, they're thinking of others supplement that if you want to say that, but obviously, we don't have that in Australia. So would you say in a form of overall sense?

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Can we rely on the community to teach some sort of value based on the effects of like, say, schools, that if you were saying freebasing, I think he was saying that was not the right word? Yeah.

00:29:35 --> 00:29:59

So let's just say for example, we were to do that, like how would you or can you rely on the surrounding community to teach this sort of respect? If the respect isn't there? Again, going country would you allow this society to teach? You're definitely no, no, that's I think he depends on the society and you know, if you have good Illa society and Hamdulillah, but if there's bad in a society, you have to make sure that you're you're there teaching them from such a young age. So

00:30:00 --> 00:30:11

Come back down to say, you know, go into the masjid more, you know, being around people that can also provide, you know, some sort of character building in the children as well and respect?

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Would would that be? Would that be, you know, something to think about? Go back to the Hadith of the process, let me set morality me clearly that the person is upon the religion of his friend, right? So this society, these friends, they're the ones that bring up and basically, he's saying that, even to the point of the religion aspect, in our domain that can guide them always carry them with me. So it's just as crucial, we can bubble up our children, we can keep them around Columbo as Brother You had mentioned earlier on in other men, because once they leave that household, or the nest, and they, they fly off, and if they own life, they're going to make major major mistakes. Correct?

00:30:47 --> 00:31:10

Correct. And I think it's, it's important that you mentioned with regards to the bubbles, because obviously, we all just got out of, you know, a hybrid or a hibernation of Corona. So, and obviously, our children got adapted to say technology more and things like that. So how would How can we re emphasize Islamic education into our children?

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You know, on the basis of that sort of things, like whether it's going out more into the Islamic environment, or would it be more in terms of, you know, using technology for Islamic education, what are some of the things are some ways to do that? Well, when it comes to technology, that that's one area, but the first thing you have to do is be the example, your children will follow your example more than they'll follow anything you teach them, that's just, that's just the way their fitrah is, you know, I mean, like, if you want your children to do certain acts, then you need to be doing those acts yourself. Like if you want your children to pray, they need to see you praying, if you

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want your children to read the Quran, they need to see you reading the Quran, your your children have good manners, they need to see you having good manners, etc, so on and so forth. Like, if you want to cheat your sons how to be good husbands, be a good husband, and let them see that towards your wife, the same vice versa. Like, for my daughter, I'm trying to set a standard for her that if a man comes into her life, to try to get married to her, he's gonna have to try to excel the standard that I've already said, etc. But when it comes to technology, we do have the capability, you know, it's the funny thing is that we have more access to slumping information than has ever

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been on the planet Earth. But yet, we have the most ignorant Muslims on the planet Earth that has existed in anytime throughout history, it's very strange.

00:32:33 --> 00:32:41

So we need to use technology in a way that, you know, also helps our children learn, like, you know, my daughter takes

00:32:42 --> 00:32:43


00:32:44 --> 00:33:19

hips and Arabic class from a teacher in Egypt. You know, I mean, everyday, she absolutely loves her teacher, they're like best friends now, you know, so you use these technologies in a way that benefits them, you know, she knows, like, hey, this computer I built for you is not just to sit here and play Roblox and you know, whatever, on all day long. It's also for learning, it's also for learning the religion is also for learning Arabic is also for learning the Quran, etc. So you have to find that balance to where kids and are not just enjoying technology, they get something from it, but you're not going to beat them with anything better than the examples that you show them, I think

00:33:19 --> 00:33:55

comes back down to the hunger and the search for knowledge that, you know, one person had back in the days versus what we have now. I mean, that that hunger or thirst or that yearning for that knowledge is no longer there. Whether we're talking about religion or not religion, I think the the understanding of let your children be children now that then just take it easy, once they get married, 2025, whatever it is, let them start working hard there. You know, I heard something the other day, which is very crucial. The opposite opposite should happen. Because now that you're getting a bit older brother you get you're getting older, it's harder for us to maintain to keep up

00:33:55 --> 00:34:22

and all this sort of stuff. So imagine we work harder with more young, so that we can risk at an older age. And that's crucial. And that's one thing I want to instill into parents and if they're in children and listening, work hard while you're young, because you're young and fit. You're able like you know, brother, you mentioned before you know you're getting a bit tired now you're not I mean, you need to hit the sack early you go to bed and all this sort of stuff. You get tired. We need to work hard. Why are they young? Why are they young? Let them in still get the knowledge now whichever.

00:34:23 --> 00:34:59

Religion whatever it may be work hard now. Why not risk? Oh, yeah. 3035 Instead of doing retiring now, the age of retirement now in Australia is what think 65 or 70 or 70. And also the 20 post, depending on what you use. If you need help. Imagine working 275 Man Seriously, pretty soon the retirement age will be be that'd be higher than life expectancy. Exactly this because work till you die. Yeah. And that that's pretty much saying, you know, again, I'm hitting 15 Actually, I'm getting tired. You see me before go back 10 years when we're traveling. I was in front of everyone now going up. Remember the stairs in Lebanon, my hips, my hips locked up. I couldn't move

00:35:00 --> 00:35:41

was freezing. I'm gonna continue. When I first had my my first son I was 26 years old, I was teaching martial arts at the time. I had nothing but non stop energy. Like I also helped him because his mother was having a rough from the pregnancy. So I was working 80 hours a week, I worked out like nine hours a day, because I taught one class after another after another after another, I did that for six days a week, I took care of him like, I had nonstop energy. Now. Now I still get a 530 in the morning, but by like, eight, nine o'clock at night, I'm like, I'm eating. And it's before it used to be kind of like a gradual, get tired. Now, it's just like you get to this certain cliff and

00:35:41 --> 00:35:42

it's just,

00:35:43 --> 00:36:12

I'm not good for anything after a certain point. So really, in reality if we can get our children to work harder now and explain that to them. And this is always my discussion with my my youngest is like work hard. Now work hard. Now. Don't worry about this. Don't worry about that. Like really, if you sit on a game all day, what are you going to benefit from? Correct. In other words, if you're reading something, learning something working, doing saving some money doing whatever it is invest by Sol kundala, my son, Yunus sabbatical, he started on his own he has buy something, sell it make money. While I'm so proud of him, you know what I mean? It's a good thing. This, this learning of

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the genre and other things opens up their brains, their minds, you know, their future. Yeah, that's right. If he's going to be just a normal 60 year old playing soccer all day or whatever it is just coming out with the kids and stuff like that. There's no real benefit, let them have their fun we're not saying that we just cut all that off now. But a bit of time for this and a lot of time for that so later, they can just I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you both for coming on online inshallah. I think that's good. If we if we encourage the viewers that watch this podcast to share their thoughts in the comments, leave comments below what you found is good advice. Because you

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might have another parent that come on here that is looking for advice, and you can give something down below in the comments correct or even areas that they wish for us to discuss as well. I think it's important as well insha Allah our future topics they'd like to see discussed. I think we're starting our tour soon. I know you're in the UK brother. You're starting on next Saturday. Inshallah so I'm there a little bit late but I'm sure we're gonna head off to Texas in the US and start doing a few conferences and other things. Yeah, yeah, we're gonna start hitting the road here in the States. Yep. So inshallah we we encourage that inshallah and then we're going to be going to Lebanon

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as well then winter appeal we're going to be somewhere we're gonna we're going to be all over the place where in the world we are We next that's going to be the podcast for winter pillow. I think one of the new countries we're entering us Pakistan as well, correct? Yeah, we're trying to Yep, we're working on getting into Pakistan inshallah for this winter appeal, which I think is going to be a good, good adventure in sha Allah. Allah, Allah, Allah subhanaw taala? Or would you both? Thank you very much for coming on online, it's always a pleasure to have you both. I look forward to the next podcast in sha Allah. So this always said this way, we can make sure we see more of each other

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and challenge in before we leave, I have made you want to leave us with 1111 parting advice that you would give for parents because we've talked about all kinds of things. What is one some up sentence you would give to advice to parents? If I was to use one word wisdom, use your wisdom, because I can I just came out of a counseling session of two people breaking up. And then the lady she left that she said one word to me, she goes, you're very patient. I became patient because of wisdom. Use your mindset, look at the situation, analyze it, what's the best thing for that? For instance, if you're just screaming at a child or sending into a certain way? What's the benefit for that child? This

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wisdom use your wisdom use your knowledge, you know what I mean? Growing up, use it the mistakes you made us the wisdom and that's the one benefit that we have in childhood. So just to simplify things, wisdom, just keep that wisdom inshallah inshallah noon, but what about you what will be your parting words of wisdom? I think patience and, you know, be friending. I think that's, you know,

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it's very important, especially with, for example, my older daughter, I found that I need to, you know, connect with him on humbler, that's working great. It's more than you know, it's more us being their friend, as opposed to their, you know, their dictator, Father, if you want to say that.

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And they tend to relate to you more and befriend you more and confining you more by you listening to them more.

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I think, you know, active listening, and just conversations is very, very important, regardless of the child's age, but as they get older, that that is that becomes more crucial and critical.

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And what my advice would be to leave them, prepare your children for the world that they're growing up in and prepare them for a time when you will not be there anymore. That's very, very important. If we all live to old age, one day, our children will have to live without us. So they got to be ready for that. You don't want that mentality that is in the back of your mind set thinking you need to technically live forever because your child won't or you know won't be able to live in this world with

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Got you sort of thing you want to give them that sort of independence you look at yourself you look at your parents, how many things have you picked up from your mother and father? Yeah, I guarantee you think of my mum would do something my father would do something I've got a mentality. Yeah, some people would look the way you know if they got OCD or they the way they clean cooked or whatever it is, that comes from the feminine. Thank you once again insha Allah and we thank the audience inshallah for taking the time to watch watching this podcast about raising children in Islam in sha Allah and the community in general. Till next time, we look forward to having you on the lsn podcast

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in future inshAllah jacmoe Claire Saramonic call Maura love Alicia said I'm on a call what a lovely kettle of water and said I want a cold water.

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Allah human again

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