Dealing with hardship to become a better you
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Channel: Yusha Evans
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spin out hamdulillah was was Salam rasulillah wherever he was, he
said, I'm ready for Morocco Baraka to
forgive me, I have a bit of a cold after coming back to the very cold weather. But anyway,
to kind of continue
on the same, I guess you could say wavelink that we were talking about the other day, the day before yesterday when it came to
heartache. And you know, and suffering and trials and tribulations. Unfortunately, my phone didn't save that video, we'll redo that one on a podcast and chama hota. Anna, for those of you saw my post this morning, you'll know that
equipment is rolling in not only for the podcast, but for the path of least productions for the video production, etc. so on and so forth.
So we're a little bit behind schedule on it, but we're doing it as quickly as we can and show it off to Ireland.
All right.
So for everything that you go through in life, for everything, for the good times that you have in your life, for the bad times that you have in your life for the you know, the experiences that you remember, favorably in the experiences that you you know, remember with a little bit of anxiety in an anxiety and pain,
I just want you to know that every single bit of it, every single moment of every part of it, every experience has become a building block to make you who you are.
It's become part of you, it's become a part of your nature, it's become a part of your psychology, it's become a part of your attitude and the way you your aptitude the way you deal with the world around you. But
the question becomes now
Are you happy?
Are you happy with who you are? Are you happy with what you have become?
Before you talk about embracing those things that happened to you, are you happy with who you become.
Because if you're happy with who you become,
and that, and that's a very tough ideal to reach these days, because of social media and social pressure of near perfection. And the idea of perfection that we put upon each other that we expect, you know, we expect near perfection from one another.
So it's, it's a much more difficult idea to obtain, to be happy with oneself? Are you happy with who you become? Because if you can find happiness in who you are, if you can find happiness in the person that you've become because of the experiences in your life, then they were all blessings to you? And how do you become happy with the person you become?
It's, it's terribly difficult. It's something that even I struggle with all the time, you know, the feelings of hypocrisy that I feel, quite often because I'm someone who goes around, giving talks and telling other people, you know, what to do and imposing the, you know, what you would call a quote unquote, amazing examples, and how to try to become that, but I'm not fully at that yet myself. So there feels, there's always feelings of hypocrisy, there's always feelings of, you know, I'm not good enough to be doing what I do. But
you know, I have all my shortcomings, you know, my disposition, with the loss of Hana with that I'm always trying to improve upon it, that, you know, it has its ups and downs and struggles and
so on and so forth. But,
you know, when I lay my head down at night,
you know, one thing that I want to try to always do is try to find a way to settle myself,
in my heart between myself and my Lord. So, you know, that I can sleep well at night, and hopefully, if that's the last time I fall asleep,
there'll be some favor waiting for me.
But
it is, it is a constant struggle to find a way to be happy with oneself, you know, to be able to look yourself in the mirror and know that that was looking back at you is something that you are contending with the new company, for everything from the left for the flaws
and the left for the you know, the
the minor issues that I see within myself, I'm working on them, I'm working through them and I might be working through them to the day that I die above or
I might be working through
my personal issues.
until the day I die, because that could be next week, it could be next month, I could struggle with it for years. But I'm going to find comfort in the process, I'm going to find solace in the process of trying to be a better me. And know that doesn't mean I'm going to be successful in that every single time. It doesn't mean that I'm going to make a mistake, and I'm going to fall back a little bit. And that's it. I'm done. I gave up. You know, I've, I've, I've missed my target. Absolutely not.
If that happens, I am Yes, truly going to be satisfied. Because no one likes failure. No one likes setbacks, no one likes not accomplishing their goals. But I'm not gonna let that be the end. All have all of me, I'm not gonna let that become my defining moment of failure.
I'm gonna find a way once I
realize my trial, realize my mistake, realize my sin, realize my
my downfall, when I become cognizant of that, I'm going to pick myself up. And
I'm going to smile. And I'm going to say, you know what, let's go forward again. Let's make a move again.
Because there are very few people in life,
that almost kind of without as blessed as immensely, bless them, to be able to remain upon the path of top all the time burden upon the path of righteousness in reality, all the time. And we ask a lot to make us one of those people, we ask a lot to make us someone whom our good deeds are easy, and our sins are difficult.
Not the other way around. Whereas sins are easy and good deeds are difficult, we ask for that. But are we all there? No, we're not.
So
this idea of being pleased with oneself is is is a big psychological factor to being able to truly,
truly make some change. Because if if you don't like yourself, if you don't
love yourself, if you're not happy with the person that looks back at you in the mirror every single morning, then you're not going to want to improve, you're not going to want to change because you're going to
not be happy with what you have. So you're going to
psychologically defeat yourself before you even get started.
You know, you're not going to think that you're worthy of being a good person, you don't, you're not going to think you're worthy of being a good Muslim, you're not going to think you're worthy of changing you know what i've i've already tried this before, and I failed that. So why try again, why put myself through that heartache, and that hardship again.
These are the types of ways that you will even subconsciously psych yourself out from making positive change in your life.
That's just reality. You have to even be able to look at yourself and
be overwhelmingly saddened by the sins that you commit, yes. But understand that I'm not gonna let this sin define me. I'm not going to let this backsliding define me, I'm not going to let my haven't been lost off the path of of the slam properly, for four or 5678 910 years, I'm not going to let that be my defining moment. Or my defining essence, I'm going to try again and again and again. And again, even if I fail at it 234-567-8910 times. Even if I fail at it, time and time again. I am going
to try to do it again. And maybe maybe I'm gonna make tomato louder this time it's successful.
I'm not gonna give up hope. That's that's the reality of giving up hope and being the best form of oneself is it's it's life altering, because once you give up hope that you can change or you have a hope that you'll be better, or you give up hope that there's another chance for you. Then she upon has beaten you. He's been the Prophet alayhi salatu was Salam. During his farewell sermon, he told the Ummah,
that ship on has given up
trying to get you in the large things. And the big thing is he's given up trying to make you worship sticks and rocks and stones and all of that
stuff. So beware of him in the small things, be aware of him in in the small things. So, sometimes shaitaan has had a lot of time with humanity to figure out how we operate and how we work with human beings with the incense.
And he knows that some of us are easily defeated, psychologically, that all he has
to do is psychologically get to us and get us to become despondent in and get us to have despair and, and get us to be depressed and, and and which is you know sometimes it's it's I'm not blaming depression I'm not going on that road there are 100% within the Muslim community really quick side note, there are 100% in the Muslim community, too many instances of inappropriately diagnosed psychological disorders too far too many, far too many are blamed bull* on and janin people do have actual problems be there are many, many Muslims in our community suffering with mental illness that needs to be properly and professionally diagnosed and treated. Which is another reason why even
one of my one of my aspirations is to pursue my psychology degree a little bit more once I finished my PhD in shalom
in Islamic Studies, one of the things I want to do is finished my psychology degree in specializing in psychiatry, so that I hopefully I can be a help to the oma in a in a in a more professional and proper manner job site notice it, but shift on gets us with these psychological barriers that we give up on ourselves. And
he knows once we give up on ourselves, then you know, we become very easy prey for him. You know, it's kind of the kind of an analogy and I'm on a, I'm a southern boy with Southern kids. So some of you won't understand that this, some of you might not.
But it's like trying to catch a fish with a net. If that fish is moving around, and always trying to get away from you and always trying his hardest to get away, even when you catch him on the hook in line, he fights you the entire way, that's a very difficult fish to catch. If he was just laying there on the top of the water, you know, I mean, just saying you know what I I've given up, they're gonna catch me regardless. So I've given up all I have to do is pull up in my boat, stick my net in the water, and it was an easy fish for the day,
the other fish is going to be quite hard on mine to sit there and be very patient with him, I'm gonna have to try to entice him
I'm gonna, you know, I have to try to get his attention. And once I get them a little hook, I have to try to keep him on the hook and fight him the whole way. And it's a much harder process. So we don't want to make ourselves sitting ducks for ship on if that makes sense. We don't want to make ourselves
you know, just sitting duck targets where
shutdowns gonna easily pick us off. So the way you do that is you keep fighting, you keep fighting, even if she thought is hooked you even if he's gotten you on the line, even if he's about to throw you in the net, and you know, you've done so much wrong so much. You know, sin so much craziness that you feel like you know what I'm about to be in the net. And in the net means in the Hellfire gone done.
I ended up in the net. It doesn't, I'm gonna keep fighting, I'm gonna keep fighting and fighting and fighting. That is how you make hard change in your life. That's how you make very difficult change in your life. But you have to find a way to keep Fighting.
Fighting for yourself. And that's part of, of having love for oneself is that one will fight for oneself, one will fight to become a better person, one will fight
you know, to get out of this dark hole that they find their mind in this dark hole that they find their heart and they're going to fight to get after.
And
change is a process. It's not an event. And and and many people ask me, How do I start? How do I start? If I've been away from a law for so long? If I've been away from Islam for so long? I haven't prayed in years. You know, I haven't, you know, may do in years, I haven't done anything
that would that would resemble worship to a boss of him with her. So how do I even start, you know, and a lot of you won't start because you know, you're not going to be a good Muslim tomorrow, you're not going to be a good person next week.
So, you know, where do you even begin, you begin by putting one foot in front of the other. That's it, you begin to appear right here. telling yourself that, you know, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna, I'm not going to fail in this. I'm not going to give up in this. I'm not going to throw in the towel.
I'm going to stand up
and I'm going to move forward, one foot in front of the other if you haven't prayed in years.
Start today, pray one time to pray one time. Sincerely Don't think about the fact that oh my god, I need to pray five times a day. Because that's how your mind has has become the you know, there's a reason why you've stopped praying and I got to jump back in
The five satellites it's overwhelming my mind a little bit. So you know, I delay and I delay and ideally
just pray right then when you feel that urge don't wait, you don't have to wait for funds that are awesome motivation. So you know what I had that Allah has put this feeling in my heart of some remorse of my sins, you know, I feel like my heart's still a little bit alive, even if the smallest amount I'm going to go make. And I'm going to pray to it aka sincerely, not caring about, you know,
all of the necessary
are kind of the sorta Am I doing this right? Am I doing that right? Just pray. Just pray and pour your heart out to a loss of having with in such to pray beg you plead with them, to help you fix your heart to help you fix your mind.
To help you know the right thing to do, if that's to seek professional counseling, if that's to talk to someone, you know, just give me the guidance in my heart to make that decision and go forward.
In Worry about yourself, do you do you put you first there are times in your life, there are times in your life where you have to become selfish about your own personal situation that that you need to do you that, you know what? There's so much going on right now. And and I cannot compute all of it and take on this huge task of bettering myself or trying to fix myself. So I need to cut off everything except the non essentials to focus on this. And I've learned that the hard way, I've learned that the hard way. For those of you who have been following me for years, you will know that back and I think it was
maybe 2017 ish
that I took a long time off social media and I mean, I posted on Instagram maybe once a month, maybe once a week open ones didn't do any lives.
You know, no, no stories, no, nothing, no nothing.
And that's the same with all other social media, I kind of just took a step back and said, You know what, for years and years and years I've been giving of myself, I've been giving out of myself again and in traveling the world, you know, trying to do the best that I can. And I've been given out so much and taking in so little, that the level of depletion has become so much that I feel it, that I'm starting to feel the the weight of this whole this becoming in me because I'm giving more than I'm taking.
And we'll leave it at that. But I decided to take some time off for me to take some time off for healing myself for focusing on something that's right, that focusing on what was right in front of me in my life, you know, what was right in front of my face, my family, my children, my health, you know, things of that nature, my not only my physical health, but my my mental health
because I plan to inshallah butanna become very open in the podcasts. And you can think when you see him or go to his post and thank him right now, brother Feisal children from freshly grounded, where the Faisal for freshly grounded, said something to me
in the podcast that I have known for some time, but that kind of made me realize, okay,
I need to if I want to be a service to this message, I need to to see some about doing something about this, because he talked about my introverted nature, that yes, I'm a public speaker. And I talk to you know, 1000s upon 1000s upon 1000s of people, but I am an extremely introverted person, I have been my entire life.
And, and so once I'm off the stage, once I'm off the microphone, I revert back to that default state of being introverted. And he said that if you saw the the podcast, he was talking about this.
So I've made a decision that I'm going to start being more open.
And in the podcast, we're going to get real about some topics. We're going to get real about some subjects we're gonna laugh together, probably gonna cry, cry together, because I'm going to open up to some things that I've been through in my life, that have taught me invaluable lessons and made me a better person made me a better dad. He made me a better husband made me a better father, a better son, all of those things. Those didn't come just by you know, opening books and looking at him read him and implementing them. I went through some hell
And before Islam, before Islam, you know I talk about my story about how I came to Islam and I'm very vague about you know, certain things, my childhood etc, so on and so forth. I've opened up to part of that part of that very short. If you look up on YouTube, my video about drugs and alcoholism, I open up to some, some pretty deep points in that, you know that I grew up with a mother
who was an alcoholic, a father who was an alcoholic.
My grandparents were, you know,
my, my, my lifeblood, my grandparents were the most quintessential combo I ever can experience. So I didn't grow up fully, you know, I never lived with my mother fully never lived with just my father fully, except as a very young child, most of it was spent with my grandparents and, and we even after my grandfather's death, we lived in my, my grandmother lived with us for the rest of her life, but
as a child, and I remember watching them grow. Growing up, they were the quintessential couple, you know, I mean, my grandfather was a hard working mill worker, he worked in a cotton mill. And he worked there for like 50 years, you know, this was just the way the older generation were, you know, he when he retired, he had a big retirement fund and a huge pension, they gave him a gold Rolex watch. I mean, it was just times were different back then. But my grandmother never worked a day in her life.
Outside of her home, outside of her home, but she worked very hard. I mean, there, there's no real salary that can be put on a woman who makes a home.
Because very, very few of us could afford it. If we as husbands had to pay our wives a salary for what they do inside of the home.
We wouldn't we moon gonna make enough. But anyway, I digress. I grew up watching her
I grew up watching her, you know, make a home for for us make a home for myself make a home from our grandfather, I never once saw them argue, I never once saw them raise their voice to one another. They used to always speak to each other with the most endearing manners, it seems very odd to us as old but he
he called her he called her mum, you know, in a very endearing way. It was a very old Southern type of thing to understand. But because of them, I know what you know, a stable home looks like a stable like that, that became my
my goal that became my idea that this is what family looks like, this is what a healthy relationship looks like. But then on the other side of that coin, you know, I grew up with a mother who was an alcoholic, and you know, in very abusive relationships.
Very, very, very, very, very abusive relationships.
There are parts of my childhood that I remember visiting my mother
after she disappeared from my life, not long after I was born, like three months old, and came back six years later, but anyway,
I saw her every other weekend. On the weekend, she would come there would be many, many weekends she would be so you know, drunk and, and being abused by the relationships she was in at the time
that she just wouldn't show up. And wouldn't call him wouldn't say nothing. You know, I would just sit on the front porch. and wait and wait and wait until my dad made me go in. Because even though my mom disappeared from my life and and did not have a functioning life of her own. She was my mother. That's just an innate part of the fifth rule of every human being for the mothers and especially boys for their mothers. But
and my father the same way. My father was not abusive. My father used to whip my ass no lie. I grew up getting whippings with belts You understand? He was totally different story. My dad had this one belt that just
it felt like I was being you know, smacked by lightning itself. But that's just the way I grew up. And and I don't have a really, you know, I'm not I'm not sad about that. I'm not sad about that whatsoever. Those Aspen's taught me very, very, very valuable lessons. My grandfather the same way he's a very long stick, a very skinny long stick that sat in the corner. And if I got out of pocket, that stick, put me back in it.
I used to even go and break those sticks and try to hide them in the house. And he'd made me go pick another one. So I'd have to be out there picking the stick and if I brought back a week when you know it's gonna go we're gonna have to go pick the stick that I was gonna get my ass with later on. Anyway, so they became my goal. That's that's that's
How I saw a functioning family on the other side, I had, you know, mother and father,
who had their own struggling with their own very, very bad issues.
And those of you know, watch my video, later on, you know, my relationship with my mother would improve after I became a Muslim and, and she would call me every single day,
every single day, no matter where I was at in the glue, my mom would call me, and I'd have to answer.
And she would, you know,
call me and I tried to you know, I tried to give her a slam, she was so close to it. But you know, it was so difficult with with the state of her mind at that time. But she would still call me on my birthday, even though she knows I don't celebrate my birthday, she would say, I know you don't celebrate your birthday. But I'm your mother, I gave birth to you. And I'm gonna call you and wish you Happy birthday, even if we want to the same with all the other holidays, same day, every single one of them?
And what am I going to do? You know, say, you know, Mom, you can't call me in and say Merry Christmas, you know, I don't celebrate that. And even though I've explained to her the whole Southern alien, everything, she would say, Yeah, I know, but you're my son. And there's not a damn thing I can say to that you're not even allowed to say to your parents, you know, I tried to guide them. But
that's, that's the best that I can do. And then in 2007, and my mother battled with cancer, you know, a few times back to back to back.
And finally, she ended up in hospice care in 2007 at home and
I got to go. And I was with her till the very end. And
my mother took her last breaths in this life with me trying to get her to say she had, but she was also on so much pain medication, that she could barely formulate a word.
But
the very last word she would ever say to me was that she was sorry, she looked at me and she said, I'm sorry. And she died in my arms. So
and that's just a very one small, we're gonna go very deep into stuff like this. So I can try to also show you what I've learned from it. Now. It's helped me in life. But I just want to let you know, you know that. Even if you've been watching me for years, you don't really know me. You don't really know how I became
who I am today. And I hope to be a little bit more forthcoming with inshallah, which
by the way, I'm using my front facing camera. This is my right hand. Let's not go there this morning, Shama.
front camera mirrors the image on life, but um, you know, it's things like this, that have taught me such invaluable lessons, you know,
because not only do I not want my children to ever have that type of terrible childhood, not only do I, you know, I want them to have the best childhood possible, but because of how my grandparents raised me, I know how to do that. You know, I know what that looks like. I physically know what that looks like, because I lived in it. So I think I'm most dependent with Hannah for both of them.
You know, that's, that's the reality. And the same with my father, my father, I'm, I want him to accept Islam. He's told me he believes in my religion, he's told me that, you know, I believe what you say. But I was born and raised a Christian, and I'm going to die that way. You get what I'm saying. It's that very old idea of, but this is what we have found our forefathers doing cetera.
But I'm still trying and he has health issues. He's been in the hospital he's had, I think, five strokes. Now he's had five strokes.
The last one I I went and spent time with him.
And and I'm trying my best, you know, to be there for him as much as I can call him to Islam. But whether he accepts Islam or not,
it's between him and Allah subhana wa her and if Allah wants to guide him or guide him, if not, if not, I always tell my dad that. You say that. But if Allah wants you to be a Muslim, if Allah accepts my daughter for you, that you've come to Islam, then
even you'll be a Muslim. That's just the way it is.
But to go back to the very, very initial point that I've stated to you, beyond hoping that you are coming excited that we're going to have these type of podcasts and very open very,
very raw in some instances.
The point was learning to
be satisfied with yourself learning to be happy with yourself learning to be content with yourself is so priceless. It's so priceless, and I hope inshallah to Allah we're going to discuss some ways that we can get there not only from the religious standpoint, but from a psychological
standpoint from a very holistic standpoint, some ways that you can get to where you want to be with your life and shamala Canada and you can find a way through the times when you don't succeed until our next live video. This one will go on Facebook I'm going to try to double triple make sure that this one gets saved before I end it. So this one go with like go on to Facebook and on YouTube under you share Evans media. As you Sherman's media This is probably where path to peace is gonna start or I don't know I we might create another channel specific.
So until our next live morning reminder, may Allah subhanho wa Taala Bless you all and increase you all and cure you have all the pain and suffering and hardship that is sitting deep inside your heart. Find a way for you to let it go. process it.
Learn from it, embrace it, and then let it become a shining part of your character and life. Until our next live morning reminder medical Oh fecal matter would you all sit down? Why are you coming home to live again?