Before You Say I Do – EP27

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Yassir Fazaga

Channel: Yassir Fazaga

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My filerun Asahi,

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Allah has given you a companion and friend to stay in, and Norway's bc seen as man and wife, fulfilling the dean From this day on forever

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shaytani r rajim Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah. All praise is due to Allah and made his peace and blessings be upon our beloved prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. We begin by greeting our brothers or sisters and all of our viewers out there saying, as salam aleikum, wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

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May the peace, the blessings and the mercy of Allah be upon all of you. And this is the part where we will consider we are getting into the meat of things where we're talking about the qualities of the people that we want to see, whom you would like to choose as partners for life. We've spoken about previous qualities such as attraction, compatibility, religiosity, genuineness, we spoke about integrity, we spoke about people who have good character, we spoke about people who are educated and are able to support and we spoke about people who have got a positive attitude towards life. And was this particular one positive attitude towards life. If you remember, a few episodes ago, we spoke

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about attitude being contagious, the type of attitude that you display in your home is going to be contagious. Usually, parents who are yelling, will generally speak in produced children who also yell, parents who use spanking and hitting as a form of bringing up their children, they also generate parent, children who are going to be hitting and spanking, as well. So the point is this, the attitude that you bring into the marriage, the attitude that you create for your family, is going to be impacting them and impacting your life for a long time. So what we want to do is that when we are considering people, we want somebody who's got a positive attitude towards life, would

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you say that life is good, life is bad,

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life is good, living is good. And people can be looking into what they consider, you know, is the glass half empty, half full. But we would want to say that you know what, the glass is really half full, without neglecting to say that the glass is also half empty. But the first thing that we see is that we see the glass is half full. So positive attitude towards life is very important, both to the men as well as to the woman. And remember that all these qualities they apply equally to the wives as to the husbands as well. This is an interesting one, somebody who's accepting what does that mean, accepting? You know, once there was a lecture that we gave, it was titled, the triple A,

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as far as what women need triple A, can anybody take a guess as to what they might be the triple A, what do women want, all of them thought was a excellent, we said appreciation, affection, and Attention, attention, appreciation, and affection. Because all these things are an expression of what their own expression of love. Some people are affectionate only before they go to bed. And they pretend to be affectionate, because they only want one thing. So they will only become affectionate inside their bedroom. But outside the bedroom, they know nothing about affection. Many times people come into counseling sessions, and they feel so bad about not being appreciated. I serve him I do

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this to him, I do that to him. And he never says thank you to me, he does not appreciate me, he does not say any encouraging words to me, I just do not feel I am appreciated when I am around this person. And then of course there is Attention. Attention means that we care. Attention means that you know what i do think about you. So I remember when we at the end of the lecture or the hotbar, a sister came to me and she said, I wish that you would add one more A to the triple ace. I said which a would that be? And she said acceptance. And I said what do you mean? She said, You know, I married this man when I was 18. Back then I was younger, and I was slimmer. At this point. I have given him

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seven children. So I do not look the same way that I looked when I was 17. At least I want him to accept me at this point. I want him to accept me as I am

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I feel that he has been rejecting me, in addition to the fact that I don't feel appreciated, no attention is given no affection is expressed that I also feel that I am not accepted as if if it were up to him, he would want to reshape me and remodel me in something that I am not at this point. So acceptance, we want people who are willing to accept us as we are, at this point, and who are willing to help us grow and develop as we move on. But initially speaking, we want people who are accepting of us, as well. We want somebody who has high self esteem. And there was a question about this earlier on. And by this, I mean, somebody who do not doubt themselves, somebody who does not

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doubt his ability, somebody who sees himself as the person who is able to contribute, somebody who sees himself as a person who is worthy of respect, you do not want a person that second guesses himself all the time, you want somebody that is proud, you want somebody that can walk with his head up high. So we want somebody who's got a good vision of himself in there, the inner vision that we have about who we are, the inner image that we have created about ourselves, must be one that is good. You want somebody who comes in who has high self esteem, I remember one time a sister, she said to me, I feel like I am the man of the house, I do not want to be the man of the house. My

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husband suffers from this. He's got very, very low self esteem. And regardless of how much I tried to talk him into it, regardless of how much I've tried to say that I feel I am the man of the house. And by the way that applies to the sisters as well. You want somebody who does not second guess somebody who doubts themselves, but rather you want somebody who's got a high self esteem. You want somebody who's approachable. What do we mean by approachable, it's easier to talk to them, it's easier to initiate conversations with them. It's easier to open up for them. They're just easy to approach as the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was, you know,

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sometimes people they come and they ask me questions, and I say, Why don't you talk to your parents about it? And they say, Are you kidding me? If I ever open up the subject was my parent was my father, my father would kill me, I can never talk to my mother about this. And sometimes they say, I can never talk to my wife about this. Or I can never talk to my husband about this. They're just very difficult to approach. Some people are really difficult to approach. And when you are not approachable, what do we do? We look for somebody else. And sometimes we beg and we beg and we beg, and that begging is usually not responded to. So we ended up being very angry, that anger changes

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into resentment. And that resentment can lead into hatred. So the point is, we want somebody that is approaching somebody who is willing to, if not necessarily accept, he's just willing to listen, you can disagree with me by the end of the day, but at least give me you know, what? a sense that you know what, I can come to you and disagree with you and you can disagree with me. And that is fine. But do not take that away from me. We want somebody who is approachable. The triple l love, laughter and learning. Okay, we spoke about love. And we do have one about laughter. But learning we said that we want somebody who is educated and accepting somebody who's playful, fun and relaxed,

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playful. What does that mean? People who are willing to be Kadish people who are willing to be childish, every now and then not all the time, but they are willing to be childish. You know, the Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, when he went down on his knees, and it hasn't seen they came and they got on his back. And they would be calling him Jamal, Jamal Jamal, and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, How fortunate is your Jamel the most fortunate of all camels is your camel, where the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam would be Kadish was was people the story of July beep that we told

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the other day and what have you, but this is the person who is willing to laugh. And every now and then they don't mind it when people laugh at them as well. They're willing to laugh at themselves as well. Somebody who is playful and that is why they asked a one bedroom one woman when her husband passed away and they said describe your husband for us. And she said Karina Rahim Allah or she said, Can Allah He Rahim Allah, the hook and if I will say Keaton, either hard virus or socket kealan widget. She said by Allah May Allah bless his soul. He was very cheerful when he came in. He

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He was very quiet when he left his house, he would never inquire about anything that is missing, and he would eat anything that was provided to him. But in it What is he describing him as Bahu can is a is a village, who will always be cheerful, the minute he comes in, sadly, sometimes what happens is that we are very cheerful, the minute we leave the house, but then the minute we come to the house, what happens? That smile goes away, we leave it behind. And when we come in, there is no room for being playful, fun and relaxed. What do we mean by being relaxed, some people are just constantly tense, some people, to them, life is always there is an emergency happening. There is an emergency

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happening somewhere in life. And that makes it so unbelievably tense, they create a very tense atmosphere. And what happens when there is a lot of tension, you know, everything is very electrified. And like we said, the other day, people feel that they are walking on eggshells, you create a very unhealthy atmosphere when that takes place. So you want a person who is really relaxed. Likewise, we want a person who is active, what does that mean active? We don't want to be around lazy people, because believe it or not, laziness is either contagious, or it can be very frustrating. You know, people complain about their husbands not just not being active, they're very

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lazy. Or sometimes they complain about their wives. They sleep very late. They have nothing to do I go for more, I come back and they fall asleep. We want somebody who is active, somebody who's got energy in them, somebody who's able to motivate somebody who is able to encourage, you know how sometimes when you are around energetic people, what do they do? They really motivate you some of that energy, it rubs off on us. So we want somebody who is active as well. We want a person who laughs And let me spend some time on this one. I'm planning to laugh, by the way, and I hope that you would respond to this. I don't know why, but it's almost we are out of time. But we will be back

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in a while talking about the person who loves so please do stay tuned with us. And we will be back momentarily in Sharla.

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Fulfilling Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim In the name of Allah The Compassionate, The Most Merciful As salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. May the peace blessings and mercy of Allah be upon all of you, and thank you for joining us. And if you have just joined us, we are discussing the different traits and qualities that we ought to be looking for. As we are choosing our partners for our lives. We spoke about some of them, you know, being genuine, accepting, approachable, being compatible, being attractive and what have you. And now we have with us a person who laughs We want to be with a person who laughs I don't know why, but it has been, I don't say engrained into the Muslims mind.

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But somehow the more religious you are, the less you are supposed to laugh. I have no idea why the more religious people are, the less they laugh. And that is neither the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam nor the Sunnah of the, you know, great Muslim scholars. To the contrary, when you look into the Quran, actually, some people in the Quran laugh for example, the story of the Buddha Allah His Salam was beyond the unspoken said Oh, he and go into your dwellings lest you be crushed by Suleiman and his army. What was the reaction of Sleeman La Silla? What is the first thing that he did? fetta best samovar? Hey can mean holy Ha. What did he do? tab SMR estaba. sama is mile

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and then what happens? he burst into laughter. But why? It would have been sufficient to say he laughed, or he smile. But why does Allah Subhana Allah said, He smiled, and then he burst into laughter. What is the difference? Why does Allah say that he smiled, and then he burst into laughter? Whatever similar hackerman

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You know, sometimes people laugh or they're not smiling.

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Right? And that's not real. It's not genuine. So what happens? What is the best summer? What is a laptop says that he smiled to tell us what, this was real. This was real because sometimes we laugh and we are not smiling. Y'all know what I'm talking about? We will have done that before when we laugh. Somebody told you a very terrible joke and you're just being polite to them.

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So funny. We do this. But here Allah Subhana Allah is telling us about Philemon alayhis salaam that he did not only love but that was preceded by a smile, so it was real. His help. Why is he called his help Isaac

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What does this mean? In Hebrew? It means he laughs remember when Sarah alehissalaam she was given the good news that she is about to have a baby. What is the first reaction that she did? She laughed. So what does she do? She named her son is how, in our language in the tigrinya language have also means laughter. So here you've got a messenger of Allah is named the one who laughs his mother The first thing that it that she did is she laughed. Sulaiman Allah His Sanam, in reaction to what and and said, He laughed. So laughter is good for the heart. Laughter brings joy into the hearts of people. It's okay to laugh, people. Not only It's okay. It's healthy to laugh. It creates

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a very beautiful argument. Remember that incident? When the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam a group of people came into the masjid or a man came to the masjid. And the man had no person to host him. So the process Some said who would was in for the night, a man volunteer is a proper Allah, I take care of him tonight. He takes him home, only to find out that there is only enough food for the kids. So the wife puts the children to sleep. And then they turn off the lights or they turn off the lamp and what do they do? They pretend that they are eating even though nobody was eating but who, but the guest for the night. They meet was the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam The next morning,

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Allah informs the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam of what he has done, and what does he tell them in law by common fairly common that Allah has laughed at? What is that you have done? a better one was there? And you know, what was the comment of the better one, when he heard that statement of the processor? He said, Well lie, man, I didn't know. He said, By Allah, we will not be deprived of goodness from a Lord, that last. He did not go into how does he laugh and how that all becomes irrelevant. What is important is what laughter is a good gesture. And when we hear that Allah Subhana Allah laughs He said, You know what, this is a good time. We are dealing with a God who

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laughs So he said, we will not be deprived of goodness from a God that loves. So the point is people, it's okay to laugh. Some people may quote a Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said lactoferrin Mahek, for in nakazato dichotomy to kalba to the Boo neuron, which he said Do not laugh excessively, for laughing excessively kills the heart and it takes the brightness of the face.

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But the Hadees does not say Do not laugh. What does the Hadees say? Do not laugh excessively. Otherwise, you become numb, you become decent size, all you care about is having fun, fun, fun, all the time. But that is not the case. We want a person who loves Mohammed miniseries, it was narrated about him, that he was a person that would be laughing and making people laugh all day long. But then when at night comes when he had that personal relationship, and that personal time with Allah subhanho wa Taala, that's when he would start shedding his tears. So what we want to do is we want to be with a person that loves a person who is not afraid of, you know, expressing their joy and

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expressing their happiness. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was that kind of a person, there was actually a companion that was known to be this very, very funny guy, you know, his name was a man. And a man would do certain things that you know, today, it just cannot help but laugh at that person, for example, and you're among a group of veterans came and they park their camels outside. So another man came and he slaughtered their camel, and he had this big feast to all the people. And then he ran away. Okay, and he ran away. And they said that he hit, you know, in some bushes. So the people went back to the President, they said, blah, blah, blah, somebody has

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slaughtered our camels. And the process is that who did it and they also did not learn now when in their man head, he said to them to not tell anybody who comes looking for me where I am. So the processor Lam said, Have you seen a Norman? And they all said, No, we have not seen him. And they all pointed, you know, to where he was hiding. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam got him out. And he said, Why did you do it? And he said, These people made me the people who said, you know, pointed out to him, and everybody laughed, and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam compensated those people. Normally one time came to the masjid and there was a blind man. And the

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blind man was looking for a place to relieve himself. And he said, Can you please take me to a place where I can relieve myself? And Norma takes him into the middle of the market. And he said you may do it here right now. So he does it. There are of course, poor guy he does not see. And people come to him and they said, What are you doing?

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He said, Well, somebody just led me into this place. And you know, I did it. And they said, You know what, that must have been a normal. So the old blind man said, when I find that, I am really going to give it to him. So he keeps asking for who is not a man who is neuroma. And guess who came to him. Norma Norman came to him. And he said, I heard that you're looking for a man. He said, I am looking for that wicked person. He said, Well, I know where exactly he is at this point.

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And he takes interest management, often as he was praying. And he said, Here is not a man. Take care of him. So he takes his thing and he starts beating orders, Madam mathmagic, what are you doing? He said, remember what you did. I said, I am not a man, I am as man. Okay? So the point is, it was very common, it's okay to laugh, it's okay. To make people around you laugh, especially when you are in a familiar relationship. It is so important that people laugh. Sometimes upon Allah, we depend on others to make us laugh, people turn on the TV, and they turn on a comedy, and they laugh. But what we really want is that we want our own families to make us laugh, we want to make our own families

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laugh, that is real. See, when we depend on somebody else, these are all missed opportunities, on bonding more with our families. So we want a person that laugh. laughter is good people. So anyways, so these were some of the characteristics that we thought you know, we would discuss, and of course, this is not, you know, there is no limit on this, we can go on and on and on and on. And each and every one of us they may have their own preferences as to what it is that they want to see in the person that they want to be with. But the point of this was to provoke us into thinking about what it is that we want to do, and inshallah next time probably will be our last episode in this series.

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And by no means we claim that we have answered all the questions or we have covered all the grounds, but the point is just to get us thinking into that direction and hopefully we have somewhat succeeded in that process. Anyways, I will leave this to next time inshallah. But right now, we would like to open this for questions and answers if anybody has a question or a comment at this point.

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Good. I would just like to add, I see like most of the Muslim ladies will laugh and interact much. Or you see this more in the Western culture, like you meet up with someone and you say hi, and Hello. Sure. And like I said, You know, I don't want to make a general statement. But reality is, you know, we do want to laugh laughter is good laughter breaks the ice laughter brings people together, beat on the part of the ladies beat on the part of the brothers. And the more religious we are, it does not mean that the less fun we become, but rather we become funny, and we become fun with an intent at this point. You know, in the Hadees, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was

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asked jasola hubbel am Allah Allah Allah, what is the most beloved de to Allah and Allah you know what the process of him said? it highly surah Allah.

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He said it is to bring joy into the heart of a believer. So as such you know telling a joke, telling a joke becomes an act of worship. If you do it with the intent that I would like to bring joy into the heart of a fellow believer, then Masha Allah, let us do so. And the point is, let us laugh and let us also make other people laugh was this we come to the conclusion of this part of our program insha Allah next time, it will be our last time so we hope that you will be there with us and like always we welcome your comments your questions, do so yes or faza at peace TV that all until we meet next time we say so long and As salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.