Before You Say I Do – EP26

Yassir Fazaga


Channel: Yassir Fazaga


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As you work together,

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Allah has given you a companion and friend to stay in and always be seen as man and wife, fulfilling the deen From this day on forever be true.

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Are we Langley shaytaan regimes mila hamdu Lillah wa salatu salam ala rasulillah In the Name of Allah, the Compassionate, The Most Merciful All praise is due to Allah and may his peace and blessings be upon our beloved prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, we begin by greeting our brothers, our sisters, and all of our viewers saying as salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

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May the peace and blessings and the mercy of Allah be upon all of you, we are talking about what kind of a person we are to be looking for. And we spoke about a person that we are compatible with a person that we are physically and emotionally we are attracted to, and we spoke about a person whom we are also considered to be religious. Moving on with these type of people, we get into another aspect, and that is the person's character. We want a person of character, remember that had is that we quoted earlier, where the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam speaks about this, and he says, When a person whom you approve of their religiosity, and of their character, approaches you was a

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marathon proposal, you should consider that marital proposal, provided that the other things that we spoke about are rare, as well. But character is very important. character is who we really are. Remember, we said that there are usually three components into us, there is our reputation, that's what people think of us, there is our personality, and that's what we seem to be and then there is our character, and that is who we really are. So, who we are, is what is most important about us, we want to ask about the reputation of the person, we want to consider as we will soon inshallah, the personality of the individual, but also most important is the character of that individual. And the

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character, we learn about into the ethics, the principles, the habits, the actions, the deeds, the thoughts, the collective of all of these, about that person. And then we are able to say this is a person of character. So character is not to be neglected character is to be considered highly. And we said that it's in the little things that we know about the character of the individual. We gave an example the other day about what does and how does that person treat those who can do the least to him? How does he treat the waiter? When they go to the restaurant? How does he treat his servants at home? How does he treat other people who are around him who are not of importance or in a

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position of power? How does he treat them? Because this is a reflection of character. And sadly, nowadays, not much emphasis is put on people's character. Like we said, we are influenced by their money, by their appearance, by their lifestyle, by their power by their authority, but rarely do we ever consider that people's character. So when a person approaches you, you want to know more about that character. And remember, when we say getting to know the person in an appropriate way, you must ask enough questions, questions that are revealing of a person's character, you get to learn about the person you pay attention to what is the type of their words, you know, what's interesting words,

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say so much about us? What type of words do we use, they actually have an exercise that they do to see whether a person is an optimist or a pessimist. So for example, if I were to come and say, Would you like some water? A person may say what? No, thank you. They can say that right? And that would be polite, but they say that a better answer would be, I prefer something else. or later, or the idea of using of wanting of not wanting to use the word No, because no is negative. By the way, this is one of the descriptions that alfre us doctor gave to one of the descendants of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. When I

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went to Kaaba, to go around the Kaaba, it said it was so crowded, even though the people know that this is the neuron who was the leader at that time. Nobody cared about him. And people just kept going around the Kaaba pushing him away. So he could not kiss the black stone. And then all of a sudden, he sat at a distance, and he's watching. All of the sudden, this big, huge gap was made leading into the black stone. And he answered, the people have just opened it up. And somebody walked in and kissed the Blackstone. And he was, of course very furious about this, that I have no other medical neuron people don't do this to me, who is that person? And for us that was sitting

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there and he described the

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grandson of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam or the great grandson of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. And then at the very end of it, he said, Allah Allah upon elaphiti Shahada, he, Lola, Tasha, who dukane at La Hunan. He said this person has never pronounced the, the term lamp, which means what? No or me, right? He's never said Navy before in his in his life, except when he is doing the Shahada. And had it not been for the Shahada, he would never say no, okay, that is character, that is part of character, the type of choices that we use in the social settings, how do we behave? How do we act, like I said, and this sounds very redundant at this point, but constantly

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we are saying and we are revealing, so much of information about ourselves, you want somebody who is of an upright character, the processor limb is specified that it is religiosity, and character as well. Character also means very close to personality, as we will see, how do we deal with other people? Are we approachable? Are we likable? Are we lovable? Are we easy to deal with? Are we easygoing? Are we relaxed, as we will see soon, inshallah, another thing that we want to consider is the idea of integrity. Integrity is what we do when nobody else is looking at us. We tend to behave very well, when we are in front of public in a marital relationship, though, it is not what we do

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when we are seen by other people. What is most important is how do you treat me when other people are not looking at us? You see how when people are in a marital relationship, they mask their relationship, they appear to be getting along with one another, they appear to be happy, because nobody wants to air their dirty laundry outside, y'all know what I'm talking about. And we put an app out there. And that app is not real. In front of people aren't very nice to my wife. In front of people, I hold the hands of my wife to appear that I am a caring person, in front of people, I might say you go ahead of me in front of people, I may open the door of the car for her, I will open the

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door when we are going in or we're going out but that is all an act that is done in front of people. Integrity means what happens? What kind of a person am I when other people are not looking at me? Am I still the person that I appear to be when I am in public? Or do I change at this point because nobody is watching me. There are three kinds of people whenever they are faced with a trouble. There are three kinds of people always any challenge. The first type of people are what we call the people pleasers or the self pleaser, selfish people. What is the first question how do they determine right from wrong? They immediately say, what is in it for me? Whatever the challenge is, their immediate

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question is what is in it for me, and that's how they go about it. Then there are their cousins who are the people pleasers. What would get me most compliment from the men, what would get the most compliment from people who are around me. So they are the others pleasers. And then they are what we call the god pleasers. What would please Allah subhanho wa Taala. Now, that is what we say, when we are speaking about integrity. It is not about what we do when we are in public. Most important, it is all about what we do when we are no longer in public. A person who is spiritually and ethically committed, what do we mean by this spirituality, an ethical commitment or an ethics it is not a

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goal. My goal is not to become spiritual. My goal is not to become ethical, but rather, it is a process. It is a process that I constantly need to be committed to. dedicated to that takes consistency. So I want to be that spiritually. are you growing? Does that person want to grow? And are they committed to spirituality? Sometimes we care so much about the rituals of the deen. So we're not growing spiritually. And that can be very problematic. You know what happens when we do this, we become very dry and we become very cold. And that is not the idea. We want to have a soft heart. We want to make sure that our relationship with Allah Subhana Allah is also based on

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emotions, emotions of love. Remember what we said that the essence of Ava is what is to have that perfect love accompany he was that perfect obedience. And sometimes we worship Allah. But love is not involved in the process. And what this makes our ritual looks like is that it becomes very mechanical, it becomes very void of any sort of emotion. And of course at that point we are compromising a great deal of our commitment and of our relationship with Allah subhanaw taala. You want somebody who is ethically

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committed, what does that mean? It means that you just do not want a person who knows what is right and what is wrong, but they are committed to the right. And they are also committed to not being guilty of the wrong. And that is, of course, unconditionally. And that's why we say, We want people who are ethically, and they are spiritually committed in this journey. We're also looking for people who have got control, and they are of sound thinking, you know, what do I mean by control and sound thinking, you want somebody who's mature, you want somebody who's able to say, even though this is how I feel, I would like to hold back, even though this is what the outbursts that I really want to

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do, but then I have got enough integrity, and I have got enough control over myself that I am able to hold that we want somebody who is a sound thinking, you know, Allah Subhana, Allah has created us with this intellect of ours. And sometimes we choose to give our intellectual abilities and thinking, and we allow somebody else to do the thinking for us. But in American relationship, we want somebody who is going to make sound decisions for the well being of the family. We want somebody who is because Allah Subhana, Allah has put them in charge, in the case of the man, and put us as helpers. In the case of the woman, you want somebody who is able to make that sound decision,

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the sound thinking for the betterment of our family for the betterment of our children. Likewise, we want somebody who is genuine. What does that mean? When somebody when we say that somebody is genuine, they are real, they are not fake? You know what hurts most? Is that when people deal with you, and they really don't mean that hurts so bad. It's as good as lying by the way. You just fake it. And that is why what are we not supposed to do and hedge? I love this part of it. What are we not supposed to do in hedge? Once you put yourself in the state of Iran? What are you not supposed to do? Then put any cologne on? Right? don't put any makeup on right? When you take a shower it may

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only be with water or what? Order less? So why all of this Why is that? I mean isn't cleansing as part of Islam? Why can't I just put deodorant it's already busy and crowded and smelly. Why doesn't allow us you know, if you have never used deodorant, you would hope that enhance everybody uses deodorant, right? Everybody's a sweaty and everybody's smelly. But why would Allah say don't do that. Why? Because see, through our you know, the rest of the year, there has been a lot of facade that was going on. And that is a mask that we read. So much time what happens hatch time comes and what does hatch time tell us? Let us see who you really are. Put all the stuff that you put on it,

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put it aside. Don't put that deodorant, then put that shampoo. Don't put that cologne don't put that perfume. Let us see who you really are. And that's why Hajj either refines you or it defines you. We will continue more insha Allah Who is this topic when we come back please do stay tuned and inshallah we shall return momentarily.

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Please be seen as man and wife, fulfilling Bismillah R Rahman Rahim In the Name of Allah, the Compassionate, The Most Merciful As salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

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May the peace blessings and the mercy of Allah be upon all of you, we are talking about the traits and the characteristics that we ought to be looking for when we are embarking on the mission of finding a partner that we want to spend the rest of our life with. And we left as saying that a person must be genuine, a person who does not put a mask on a person who is really real. And sometimes when people are real, you know what, whether good or bad, at least you appreciate the fact that they are real. So when we speak about genuineness, we're talking about genuineness, you know, in the Hadees was a Howard will enforce the generosity of spirit. Some people are generous.

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Sometimes people give because they're forced to, or it's like a time or what have you. But here the process alum is speaking about the generosity of spirit, not just being generous, but your spirit by which you give that in itself is generous, because sometimes we may do things and they really do not appear real. So what we want is that we want somebody who is genuine, somebody who is real, somebody who is not a fake. We want somebody that is moderate, moderate, in what, moderate in everything. We want somebody who is moderate in their religiosity, in their relationship with Allah subhanho wa Taala. Sometimes people make Islam very unattractive. They are so rigid about it, that you know what

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you just say

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if you are the repressive

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Nation of Islam, I really do not want to be part of this. So we want to be moderate. We want to be moderate in our relationship with Allah subhanho wa Taala. We want to be moderate when it comes to financial issues. We want to be moderate when we are serious, you know, people who are serious all the time. If you're serious all the time, I have good news for you. You are not fun to be around. We will may not tell you this, but I am telling it to you. You are not fun to be around. It's nice to be serious. When it is time to be serious. You know, the Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, when the Prophet sallallaahu, Selim came to our house, what happens? He said he would play

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with this and he would play with that, and he would smile to this and smile to that. And then what happens said the minute he hears the call to the press, what happens is as if we don't know him, and he does not know us, now it is time to become serious. So even moderation in this moderation, everything in moderation in how much fun do we want to have? How much seriousness do we want to have moderation in everything, it just when you deal with the person who is moderate, it makes everything easy. It makes it really easy, because it's moderation in what happens when you commit to moderation. It's also easy to work, to continue and to keep up. When we overburden ourselves with

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whatever it is, it becomes very difficult to keep up. So what we want is that we want moderation we want to be with somebody who is moderate, in their views, show some flexibility, they are willing to consider and reconsider. They're willing to listen to what others have to say, and what have you. We want somebody who has a positive attitude towards life. Remember the pessimists that we spoke about? You know, you know, some people when they speak about this life, oh my god, all they hear is all the people are not good. And what they speak about all day long is how terrible traffic was, and how rude their boss was at work. And it just creates a very negative attitude. What do we do nowadays?

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What is the first thing that we do when we wake up in the morning?

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The first thing that we do is work.

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Now we complain, said I didn't have a good sleep on my back hurts. I think I slept wrong on my shoulder. You know what my enhance, feel very numb. I was having nightmares all the time. So we wake up and the first thing that we do is we complain, we're driving, or we're being driven. We complain about traffic. We complain about people who cut us off, we complain about work. And then we come back home and people ask so how was your day? And what do we do? Haha, don't even get me started. Because all I have to do is just complain and complain to you. There was this woman. She said every time I picked up my children from school, I had a rule. When I asked them how was their day, they

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had to tell me the five best things that happened during that day. And then they can complain. But before they start complaining, they must tell me the five best things that happened on that day. What do you think eventually happen? They needed to come up with five things. So you know what they did? during the day they did what? They kept paying attention only to good things because they needed to come up with five things. So eventually what did this lead to? a positive attitude towards life. There is nothing wrong with complaining. But if complaining is all what we do, then we are creating a very negative attitude towards life. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam had a very

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beautiful positive attitude towards what is the first thing that the Muslim would say when he gets up in the morning hamdulillah Hila Virata in a euro. All praise is due to Allah who has given me my soul back meaning that life in itself is something to be celebrated. Life in itself is to be celebrated. That is very beautiful. That is extremely beautiful. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam lived this way. So we want people who have got this positive attitude towards life. We want somebody who was educated and able to support Love does not put food on the table does it? What do we want to have for lunch today? All we're going to have some love. Well, that's really nice.

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What about dinner? Oh, I don't know, maybe some infatuation as really nice and tasty. What about for breakfast tomorrow morning? I don't know, maybe some obsession. People don't eat these things. Okay, as much as we like to enjoy the company of the people who give us these things. But by the end of the day, what do we want? We want people who are able to support, be it via education, be it via their own achievements at this point, but people who are educated and able to support is what we look for. And I think I have said a lot of information. I just don't want to dish it like that and leave it here. And we've got few minutes left. So why don't we take and consider some questions.

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Or some questions at this point.

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It's now on even Polycom, brother.

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I think a few slides back, when you talk about integrity.

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You give an example net, a person who is neighbor say, No, or law with to be considered as a good person or example.

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But nowadays, the various books says gay, you should

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require courage to say no. And you often say no, unless it is genuinely. So, what is, please enlighten us? Yeah, remember, I was just telling a story. And remember, these stories are not to derive a specific ruling from but rather it is the moral of the story that how a person was being described as such. And I don't think I mentioned this story when I was talking about integrity. At least I don't remember this part of it. I don't think we were talking about integrity, but rather we were talking about people who are optimistic even in the language that they use to the point that they would avoid using the term No, and they would find something else to use. So for example, no,

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you know, you can say no, without really saying No, you know what I'm talking about, you can really do that. So some people are so conscious about this, that they are able to do so they're able to say no, without really using the word No, not because they are not courageous, or they're afraid, because they genuinely do not like to use the term. No, we give an example about language. If your son or your daughter, they come to you and they say, how was I today? Let's say today, you were a good child, but you did not clean your room. What do you think is going to be most remembered about this?

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So I say a good nice thing. And then everybody's waiting to hear that, but don't know what I'm talking about. Brother, this was a good lecture. And you just, they give you that introduction, what do you wait for? But because all that stuff is really not what they mean, but what do they mean? When they start saying, but that's when you ought to be listening to them, because that's when the real thing is going to come out. So if I were to say how was I today, Mama, and you say you were a good child, and it would have been so good if you clean your room? Is this more positive? Of course it is. When you use and instead of birth, that's really good. We have exercises when people come

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into counseling, and one of the very first exercises that we like to use is as long as you are in the exercise in the counseling session, you cannot use but you really cannot use but try try to speak for an entire day without using but it is very difficult. It is very difficult because we have been so used to it

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and with this inshallah we come to the conclusion of this part of our program, very grateful that you have joined us for this one, and inshallah he will join us again when we are on next time. And remember your questions, your comments, your critiques are always welcome at Yasser faza at peace until we meet next time, we say so long and as salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa