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Before You Say I Do – EP24
Channel: Yassir Fazaga
Series: Yassir Fazaga - Before You Say I Do
File Size: 10.86MB
Episode Transcript ©
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Allah has given you a companion and friend to stay in and always be seen as man and wife, fulfilling their Deen From this day on forever.
rajim Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the most kind. All praise is due to Allah and His peace and blessings be upon our beloved prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. We begin by greeting our brothers, our sisters, and all of our viewers out there saying As salam aleikum, wa rahmatullah wa barakato.
May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon all of you last time, we took off at the issue of compatibility. And we said that the first area of compatibility has to do with physical attraction. And we describe attraction as being a positive response to an individual beyond just a friendship. And we said that physical attraction has symptoms, our heart rate, temperature rises, palms get sweaty, and something happens to your throat, throat tightens, and you feel what is labeled as butterflies in your stomach. And these are all signs that says, You know what this person physically is deemed attractive by me. And we said that Islam does not deny the presence and the need for
physical attraction to have a successful marital relationship. And we spoke about denying the obvious does not make a small, it just makes us delusional, because this is something that is really important, and we cannot ignore it, especially now that we live in an era where everything is being sexualized, no matter what it is, somehow the concept of sex is involved into it. However, also let us remember that physical attraction by itself does not really keep a family together. physical attraction by itself does not guarantee happy marriages. So how do we feel about it? It was once beautifully said, a beautiful face is a letter of recommendation. A beautiful character is a line of
credit. That's beautiful. A beautiful face is a letter of recommendation, people appreciate beauty in the larger middle nibble, Gemma Allah is beautiful and Allah loves beauty. However, if we only limit our relationship to that individual, because of the fact that we are physically attracted to them, then we are putting ourselves in some very, very dangerous ground. So, a beautiful face again is a letter of recommendation, a beautiful character is a line of credit, we want to be attracted to the outer beauty of the individual, but we must be in love with the inner beauty of that individual. We said that there are two types of attraction, there is the physical attraction and then there is
the emotional attraction and we need to have both of them what is an emotional attraction, when we speak of emotional attraction, we speaking of that which develops next, if the circumstances are right, next, meaning that after the physical attraction, after being drawn to a person physically, we then begin to converse. And if we find that we have enough things in common, such as hobbies, ideologies, career, education, or some other common ground, then an emotional attraction starts to form. So that we are not only just excited about them physically, but rather emotionally, we see ourselves drawn into them as well. And that emotional attraction is very important, because that is
the beginning of romantic love. See, people may have a sexual relationship, but if it is void of any emotional connection, then it just remains a sexual experience. But for it to qualify as love as romantic love And remember, whenever we say this, we're talking about within Of course, that which Islam permits, we're talking about a marital relationship here, then this is what we have going on an emotional attraction. And emotional attractions are very important people. We want to be not only physically attracted to the individual emotionally, we want to be excited by the individual, the same physical symptoms that we feel when we speak about you know, your palms becoming sweaty, your
throat tightens, your heart rate increases, your temperature goes up, you start feeling butterflies in your soul. These are all physical symptoms. We do not agree. They're all physical symptoms. But you know what? There are also other symptoms as far as emotional attachment or emotional attraction is concerned. Have you ever seen people who are in love, they will be walking and then all of a sudden they start smiling, and you think that they're crazy?
Are you smiling? What are you smiling for? I just thought of somebody, and that just brings a smile to my face. You know, the Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, when he was speaking about the traits and the characteristics of that righteous wife that one ought to be dreaming of, you know what the process and said that what is another ilaha sarratt. And if he sees her, the Hadees has two translations if he sees her, he said that it brings joy into his heart. But then also the word Navarra in Arabic does not mean to just physically look at a person because Allah Subhana Allah says Allah young Verona, Elan a billy k for wholecut Do they not see into the Catherine's and
how they were created? So he or another they say that it is when he thinks when he thinks about her spirit? Can you imagine somebody is just walking by and they're smiling, and you say, you heard a good joke? And he said, No, no, no, no, something said something funny to you. And you say no, you just passed by an embarrassing moment. No, no, no, no What happened? And he say, I just thinking about my wife. People will look at you and what will they say? What kind of a person are you thinking about wife outside the house? And you know what? When I think about my wife, I'm usually frowning. And here you are you telling me that there is a smile on your face? Because you just
thought of your wife. And usually what happens is, when we are emotionally attracted to that person, there is a joy that is experienced in the heart. There is a joy that is experienced in the heart. They're just there and it just feels good. And Satan alibre Vitaly, by the way one of the beautiful relationships that took place is the relationship that Satan I live in Abu Talib and Fatima had, say that Satan, Allah tala, he was a poet, by the way. He has some very beautiful poetry. And he was a very eloquent man. So one day, he walks into the house and what does he see? He sees Fatima, his wife, and she was using a miswak and she was just using swab. She was just brushing her teeth who
was the miswak and he was moved to say some beautiful lines of poetry. What does he say? How sweet they are. Oh, that Araki salary her man I mean he co co co worker below quantum and LLP tala Cotta Toka Manor lemony Siracusa welcome. He said that I'm not sure what is the translation of siewert by the way, and miswak. So seawalk is miswak in English, that is very good. Okay. So it said that he walks in and he found this and he said, nothing has ever been into the lips of my wife, except you, miss one. Had you been a person? I would have killed you. Nobody has been there. But you Oh, Miss work? Is this saying that? You know what, how dare you? How dare you, you do this. But then the
point is, you know what, you want to claim this person as your own so much to the point that you want nothing to share that person was you. And in the case of Satan, Allah here is that not even the Messiah, I don't want it to get any closer to my wife. So we want to be emotionally attracted to the person, if we are only physically attracted to them after a while, like we said earlier, that intensity is going to go away. And that's why if you remember when we spoke about the people that we need to avoid, remember the ploy that we spoke about? What is it about the Playboy, the Playboy, he gets into this very sexually intense relationship, and it's so intense, but then eventually, that
intensity fades away, then what happened? What do you do? What do you do? You find somebody else to experience that same level of intensity, and then six months down the road, what happens? That intensity fades away. So what do you do, you find somebody else to do this with and you keep moving from one to another to another, because you are just being so obsessed and possessed by this sexual intensity or that point what happens to the emotional attraction, you're not attracted to anybody emotionally, because you can only think of the people who are around you in physical terms, that is not love people. That is not love, that is passion. And passion is when somebody has got an intense
desire for pleasure, that is not love that is passion. It is when people have an intense desire for pleasure, you are passionate, but you are not in love. So, what we want is, we want an attraction that is made of these two components, the physical part of it, and equally as important is the emotional part of it as well. There is something though that happens was emotional attraction. Sometimes emotional attraction may develop even though physical attraction may not be there. So what happens is emotional attraction can also occur.
Even when a physical attraction does not, and in this case, rare cases, the bond may even be stronger between the two who connect. Since no preconceived notions based on physical appearances has occurred. You'll know what this say. It is talking about what happens when people are emotionally attracted to a person, even though there is no physical attraction that has taken place. In fact, there is a very controversial line in poetry in the Arabic poetry. It says Jaco, only liberabit Hayashi cotton. Well, no problem. Natasha Yana. He said, Oh, people, my ears have fallen in love with somebody. And it is very common that the ears are in love. Before the eyes see? Okay.
They're talking about a different kind of love. You fell in love with the person because of what you have heard about them. So they have not seen them. But you have heard so much about them, that you are so emotionally connected to them. For example, this is not romantic love, but how we feel about Hamlet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, have we seen the Prophet of Allah? No, we have not. But within it. It was so unbelievable, about the way that the Muslims reacted when the cartoon controversies were taking place in in Denmark, people could not believe how crazy these Muslims were. What is your problem you Muslims? And we were amazed by how much love do these Muslims have to Muhammad
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, I will be making movies about Jesus about Jacob about Joseph all the time about Moses, and nobody complained. But these Muslims, they love their messenger, so much sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, that they would not even tolerate anything like that. But in any case, so here we have got an emotional attachment that took place, even though no physical attraction has taken place. There is a story in the Quran that may allude to something like this. Remember the story of Musa alayhis Salam musala is Salam here is leaving meridian or he gets to meridian. And in Meridian he is sitting and two women are there and masala Salaam being a gentleman he inquired as to
what is the problem? And what do they say? So that we are not able to alter our capitals, because we are women. And we have to wait until these people leave. And our father is what is an old man. So musala his Salaam he goes and he waters their capitals for them and he tells them to go in peace. They come back again. When they tell their father their story. One of them comes back and what does he do so that my father is calling you to do what to reward you for what you have done to us. They go to the Father and most ally Salaam tells the story to the Father. And then the data suggests something What does he say? He or
she said oh my father, hire him in hire a minister Tell me for the best person to hire is what the person who is strong and who is what is trustworthy. She said what is the immediate reaction of the father? What does he say? He said I would like to offer one of my daughters to you in marriage. Which daughter Do you think he is of it? How much does the daughter know about Mashallah his Salah What does she know? All she knows that he's just wrong because he was able to do so. And she made an observation that he is also what he is. I mean, where does she get this idea that most Allah Salam is trustworthy. Where does she get it from? We will answer this question. When we come back. Please
do stay tuned and we shall return inshallah. Always be seen as man anyway. Always be seen as man and wife, fulfilling Bismillah R Rahman Rahim In the Name of Allah, the Compassionate, The Most Merciful. Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.
And welcome back again to before you say I do. And we were talking about the story of Musa alayhis salaam, commenting about the statement that the daughter said about Musa she described him as being away because he has watered for their capitals, or he has given water to their capitals. And then she makes another observation about moods and she said he is also mean, he's trustworthy or he is honest. What information does she have about Musa alayhis salaam to make this kind of observation about him? What did she see of him? Because she traveled with him back home. What is it travel, maybe they just there was just a short distance back home. They say that musala is stolen once he is
watered for them. What did he do? And by the way, here is my business card. Call me when you need to know what does musallam do? Does he
Ask for anything in return. Does he inquire about any information about these two girls? What does he do? I am doing good because it's good. And that is the end of it. And this woman notice is that, you know, people don't do things for free, do they, they usually will want something in return. They might want money, they might want to satisfy their own curiosity. But in the case of Masada, his Salaam, he just does it, and he just go in peace. That's all he does. So people are just shocked by this behavior of Musa alayhis salam. And it could also be the fact that when she went, and masala Salaam was telling the father, this is story, they might have been listening, and that is the
conclusion that they came to. But what I love about that story is the comment of the Father. Immediately after hearing the suggestion of his daughter, it seems like what, what does it sound like?
Maybe the daughter is being inclined to musala his cellar. So immediately the father, they said, you know, why don't you marry one of my daughters. At any case, the issue of emotional attachment or emotional attraction is very important. That's why sometimes and I think I've told you this before, when people say immediately, or I love you, that should make people you know, I bet concern why so prematurely? Why are you thinking that you are, sometimes we confuse our infatuation with love, this is not real love. Remember what we said earlier, real love takes time, we may develop these things. But for marriage, we must have both kinds of attraction, we must be physically attracted to the
individual. And we must also be emotionally attracted to the individual, but how do we become emotionally attracted to the individual? How do we do that? Well, we develop emotional attraction simply because of what we observe of that individual. And that's why I say it's so important to see a person and to be able to observe a person in a social setting, we say so much about ourselves, so much about ourselves is being said, by the little things that we do, if people were paying attention to us, we are constantly giving cues about who we are, we are telling them about our character, we are revealing about our personality, we are saying something about ourselves all the time, if people
are paying attention. However, when there is a ground for people to converse, then we are able to find out more about you know, the ideas of hobbies, the ideas of interest, the ideas of ideologies, the ideas of thoughts, and once that takes place, what we see happening is that emotional attraction is happening at this point, speak about carry about education or some other common ground, once we are able to talk to one another, we may find things in common and that leads to the development of an emotional attraction. One thing we need to be careful about is that emotional attraction may be there. But the advice is, do not start emotionally investing immediately into the relationship.
Sometimes when people are talking, you know, for the sake of marriage was other people, they immediately fall in love. So what do we say keep your feet on the ground. Sometimes we're so excited about law, you know, I am in love, and we love the idea that we are in love. So we get into love with love, not necessarily with the person. So, we say do not invest emotionally, immediately what are you supposed to do? The physical attraction is there the emotional attraction is there. What is the first step that we need to do look for what compatibility we have done only one what one aspect of compatibility that we are emotionally attracted and we are physically attracted. Now we may
consider what now we may consider other arenas of compatibility. What comes after attraction, religion. So what do we say when we meet religion? What are we looking for? What are we looking for? If we were to ask, can you please give us a description of who is a religious person I come to you and I say I would like to marry a woman who is religious and he or she is asked her question to please to find out whether she is religious or not. What would you ask? Her aqidah? What do we want to ask of this brother or this sister here? her idea about God or knowledge? Or taekwon? Is she a practicing Muslim or a practicing Muslim? Do you pray five times a day? Do you read Quran was
understanding your obedience to
to parents? Did we really describe a religious person?
If we were to look into the Quran, with what we say be the description of a religious person. Sometimes when we speak about religiosity and who our religious person is, it seems like within our Muslim
immunity, we have a specific definitions of who is a religious person. If it's a girl, what do we immediately look for?
And if she's hijabi, she passes. And if she's not hijab, what happens to her? He does not pass. If it's a man, what do we immediately look for? Be it and if he is bearded, he passes. And if he's not being there, what happens to him? But is the beard the manifestation of full religiosity?
Do you know people who are very bearded, Mashallah, they're very, very hairy men out there? Have you met people who are very hairy? And they're very rude. They look religious, but in reality, they're not religious. Have you met people who wear the hijab? But you know what you just want don't want to be around them? Have you met people who do not wear the hijab, but they were some of the sweetest people that we came across? Have you met people who have not read it, but they were so kind? And they were so honest. But why have we confined religiosity, at least Islamic religiosity into what? into the hijab on one side, and then the beard on the other side? And that is the end of it? How
much does it say about us our beer or our hijab? It is supposed to be making a statement. But does it make that statement all the time?
Okay, so that will be the topic for our next episode insha Allah, what is the definition of religiosity? When we speak about us wanting a religious person? What in the world are we talking about? And what does that religious person look like? What do they feel like? And now we'll shala who will open the room for question and answer.
But rather, you mentioned physical attraction. Generally, when people start looking for a bride, they do not land up with what they have in mind, you know, so can we say that, at least there should be no repulsion for that person? Is that enough? Or is it necessary to be physically attracted? That's an excellent question sister. See, in the process, let us not become minimalists. minimalist is what is the person that usually looks for what what is the very minimum? It's almost you're saying that you know what, I am looking into the 50% line. But Mashallah, if Allah blesses you with somebody that you know, superduper attractive Alhamdulillah but let's agree that there has got to be
a minimum level of attraction, not that you know, the fact that I'm not repulsive towards the other person, no, but a minimum level of attraction that would make me say, I do want to be with this person, not the other way around that I don't mind being with this person, no, there is a minimum level of attraction that says, I would like to be with this person. Okay. And with this, we come to the conclusion of this part of our program, very grateful that you have joined us today and inshallah he will join us next time that we are on. As always, we look forward to your questions, comments and queries about this program. So please do so at the acid faza peace tv.org until we meet
next time, we say so long and As salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.