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Before You Say I Do – EP25

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Yassir Fazaga

Channel: Yassir Fazaga

Series:

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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As you want to gather handy, Allah has given you a companion and friend to stay in and always be seen as man and wife, fulfilling the deen From this day on forever.

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Shaytan rajim Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah In the Name of Allah, the Compassionate, The Most Merciful. All praise is due to Allah and may his peace and blessings be upon our beloved prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and we begin by greeting our brothers and sisters saying and all of our viewers out there with us Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. Who made the peace, the blessings and the mercy of Allah be upon all of you. Last time, we started talking about what to look for, and we established that attraction is very important, both physical as well as emotional, and we said, if that is there, then we look into the other areas of

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compatibility. And after attraction immediately comes the idea of religiosity. We want somebody that is religious, and the Hadees as you know, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Is there Jackman carbona Dena hula hula hoop as a would you? If somebody approaches you with a marriage proposal, and you approve of his Deen of his religiosity and his allow his character, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, respond positively to that proposal, but follow the confit net and fill out your facade, Avi, if you do not do so, there is going to be great mischief that is going or corruption that is going to be spread on the length, meaning that if you use criterion other than

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character, and religiosity, then you are just only helping in more corruption on Earth. During the time of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam A man was brought, because he was guilty of the offense of public drunkenness. He was caught drunk. It just consumed alcohol, he was intoxicated. So the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, or the person be punished, be rebuked, scolded for his offense. And in the process, the man or one of the people they said, Lana De La, La La xR ma said, may the curse of Allah be upon him? how frequent does he get intoxicated? Then the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam commenting on this draft of this person, what does he say? He said that

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land for in noho hebbal la hora sola. He said, Do not curse him. For this person, this drunken person, he loves Allah and His Messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. Now that sounds very contradictory. In the one hand, we see him plead evidence firsthand evidence, the person is drunk. And the same token in the same incident, the same setting in the process. Ilan said about that same person that he loves Allah and His Messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, I tell this story and I say, I wish I was that man. Not that I'm interested in alcohol, or to see how feels like, but what I love about that statement is where the processor limb said, This man loves Allah and His messenger.

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I claim to love Allah and His messenger. But I do not have Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam to stamp that claim of mine was approval. But this man had the approval of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that he loves Allah and His messenger. Very often brothers and sisters, it happens that we all have our weaknesses. Some of us that weakness may be intoxication. Some of us It may their weakness may be the lack of a job. Some of us their weakness may be money, some of us their weakness may be that they womanizers whatever it is, but it is possible that a person may be guilty of a major sin, yet, they really love Allah and His Messenger, sallAllahu wasallam. And because we have

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decided that hijab and the beard is going to be the criterion, through which we are going to see the religiosity of people, we become so dismissive of other people who may in reality, be more religious than we are, you'll know what I'm talking about. So we see a person. And I remember one time, a sister, somebody who's religious has proposed to her, and the sister did not wear the hijab. So she came inquiring, and she was talking about her lack of religiosity. She said, Look, I am not religious. So I said, You

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Do me a favor? Do you lie? She said, No, I don't like, isn't that part of religiosity? Do you cheat? No, I don't cheat. That's part of religiosity. Do you respect your elders? I do that is part of religiosity Do you do and we keep looking into these people on what other traits and characters they have in them. And we see that these people are really religious. It's just that they have not manifested their religiosity, the way we understand religious if y'all know what I'm talking about. So this person who happens to be under hijab, and by the way, when I say this, it is not an approval of it. I'm just saying that reality out there, that this is the case. So what happens is that the

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ministry is not a hijabi we become very dismissive of her, even though she may really be religious islamically she may be religious, that happens to be one of her weaknesses, may be not very good, but again, the man or this man is a very religious person. In other terms, again, the idea is not to promote that people go and get intoxicated and say, I love Allah and His Messenger, or that they go out committing these major sins, and saying that I love Allah and His Messenger, that is not what we are talking about, but it is our ability to understand that in one hand, people may really be religious, and on the other hand, they have got their weaknesses. And our job is to look into you

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know, what, when we look into a person who is religious, let us not only confine ourselves to those who are own the hijab is or to those who are only bearded, because religious city does not stop their brothers and sisters. It really does not they, yes, the hijab does say a lot about us. I don't think it's easy for a woman to wear a hijab, I really don't. You just come to the US, you go to Europe, and you see how difficult it is for people to enter a job. It's a challenge. It's an everyday challenge. So it takes a lot for a person to commit themselves to something like this. It's easier for a man to wear a beard. You know, other people see people who are within this wear a

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beard. Orthodox Jews were a bit Coptic Christians were a bit so Muslim, and do also wear a bit. It really does not say much about us as much as the hijab says about our sisters. But what we need to do is that look into this religiosity of the individual, and how can I enhance what seems to be on what appears to be weak in them. So for example, here comes a sister who happens to be kind, she happens to be generous, she happens to be respectful. She loves Allah, He loves the messenger, sallallahu alayhi wasallam. She understands that hijab is an obligation, however, she feels that at this point, she is weak. And sometimes in some of our cultures, if you put the hijab on, nobody is

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going to marry you. And I'm just waiting to get married and then I will put on the hijab Some say, let us not be dismissive of people like this. By the same token also, let us not be fooled by our own appearances. Sometimes we may look religious, in Christianity, what do people do? Wear a cross, you put on a yarmulke, there is no concept of relics in Islam, you'll know what a relic is. relic is supposedly a thing that has got a religious value into it. In Christianity, what are people looking for nowadays, the sandals of Jesus. So what? So let's say these are the sandals of Jesus. So what? There is nothing divine about them? Let's say that we do find the clothes of the Prophet sallallahu

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alayhi wasallam What do we say? So what? There is really no divinity assigned to them. I remember in the Hajj season one time after they take the clothes of the Kaaba, you know, some people, they fight over pieces of it, they take pieces of it, and this person was so excited, because they got this little part of the Kaaba, and he had a scissor was him and he was offering to give every person a little piece of it and I'm saying, so what? It's just a piece of cloth. There is no concept of relic in Islam, it must be the dates that we act upon it. And I know many cases where people have proposed to sisters, they look very religious, they seem very religious, they come to the masjid. But then

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you ask the sister, how is your husband or they come and they complain about their husband, where he beats them all the time. He is very verbally abusive, he becomes very physically abusive, or the sisters who happen to be a hijabi. But she talks about people behind their back all the time. She is constantly just gossiping about people. These are major sins, but somehow behind our hijab, or behind our view, in the process, Is this making sense to you? So when we consider religiosity, we want to be very careful as to what it is when I mean that this is really just for example, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, a Muslim is he whom other people are saved from his tongue

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and they're saved from his hand.

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Meaning that he is neither physically abusive, nor are they verbally abusive. What we have sometimes is this, that either people are religious, but their character is really bad, or they have good character, but they have no relationship with their Creator. And this was a topic that we spoke about in the last piece conference. So we say what is better for a person to be having a good relationship with Allah or what seems to be a good relationship with Allah yet, they do not have good manners, good Allah, or a person who has got good luck but they have no relationship with Allah, there are other is good, but then they're they're more al-mulla they're dealing with others

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is terrible, or their mama is good. And they're a bada is lacking is terrible. We say neither of them is good. Because remember, in Islam, what you believe in, if it does not impact how you behave, then what you believe in is not important. So we want when we speak about religiosity, we want a person generally speaking, we can define the majority as people who generally are not guilty of major sins, and when they do, they repent. And they are also those who do not leave out major obligations that we were commanded with by Allah subhanho wa Taala. And as such, we will have a more balanced idea of what is religiosity so for example, this sister who's not wearing the hijab, a

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brother may approach her and she say, No, I need some time to put on my hijab. So hamdulillah again, remember that this is the person who is doing their Salah, yet at this point, you know what, when it comes to the issue of hijab, they're really not doing that, that great, it might not be the hijab, it may be other things, you know that I know people who are hijab, but they do not pray,

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you will know what I'm talking about. They wear the hijab, yet they do not pray, or people who are bearded, yet they cheat on their business. And of course that is not acceptable. We will continue more with this subject in sha Allah. So please do stay tuned, and we will be back momentarily.

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Always be seen as man and wife, fulfilling Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim In the Name of Allah, the Compassionate, The Most Merciful As salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

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And welcome back to before you say I do and we are talking about religiosity and the definition of who a religious person is. And we said that let us not confine the definition of religiosity only to people who manifest physically on the outer appearance, signs of religiosity as much as we welcome this, but if we only limit religiosity to this, then that is not good. Okay. Sometimes we may look into people, and we may think very high of them. And sometimes like the man who came drunk to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and people thought very low of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that this is not the case, I am not going to turn Islam into a religion that is only

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concerned with the heart. But rather, it's got to be a combination of what is in our heart, and also what we manifest was our lives. It is that which is firmly established in the heart, and that is manifested by the deeds that we do. So look for a religious person, you want a religious person simply to accompany you in your journey of becoming spiritually growing, you want to have a proper relationship with Allah subhanho wa Taala. So we want a religious person, being was a religious person, you know, supposedly, it helps us in eliminating many areas of differences. Such as you know, we don't have to worry about alcoholism, we don't have to worry about gambling, we don't have

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to worry about somebody becoming a womanizer, we don't have to worry about somebody becoming, you know, cheating on their husbands, there is the idea of trust, because it is not what you do when I am there, but rather what happens when nobody else is looking and saying oh, I trust you, you have a good relationship with your Creator. So even though I may not be able to be the policeman, I know that you are the policeman of your own self. So being was a religious person, that is why it has an anniversary once asked, Whom shall I marry my daughter to and he said that makes you that she marries a person who is stalking in a harbor across Omaha or in Avada. Hi, Lamia. Lima, is to make

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sure that she marries a pious person or God conscious person. And then he explains it as such. He said, If he loves her, he will honor her. And if he does not like her, he will not oppress her. If he loves her, he will honor her. And if he does not like her, he will not oppress her, he will not do her wrong. Why? Not that because he's afraid of the law. Not that because he's afraid of the police. But he's got a proper relationship with Allah subhanho wa Taala. And as such, these are the kind of people that we want to be with somebody who's got a nice heart. Islam seems to be talking about both aspects of religiosity, that which is manifested out in physical terms in the outer

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terms. So the virtues of Salah

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The virtues of fasting and all these good things. But also at the same time, Islam says that you cannot be empty in the inside. So it speaks about all the things that are supposed to be happening in our heart. By the end of the day, a person needs to assess this person fairly. You look into them and say no, what are their good qualities, unusually, all good qualities Islam approves of an Islam encourages. My advice is Do not be dismissive of people, simply because they do not look religious. Because religiosity most of the time is not about the looks, the looks can be very deceiving. So what we want to know is we want to know more about this person, what is in them, we give you an

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example. I remember one time, a sister came to the masjid. And somehow she said that you know what, she was up all night long, praying at night. And I said, You know, I said, What are you praying for? And she said, I have a friend of mine, her marriage is not doing very well. And I got up at night to pray for her. That is nice, when people can actually remember their friends at that point, where they would make it a point to wake up at night and say, I have a friend of mine, who's got some very rocky marriage, and I got up at night to pray for them. That speaks volumes about the people. That is religiosity. That is religiosity. But also, by the same token, we are not dismissive of the

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rituals or the other acts of worship. So consider the person look into all the good qualities in them make a good an overall assessment, and then ask, Are you also willing to grow spiritually with me? Are you also willing to grow and change with me? Is this something that is important to you, but you just need somebody to hold you by the hand and walk you through in this journey? And if the answer is yes, outside, consider that. really consider this, we all have had our fair share of not being so good. You know, what happens sometimes is that, especially for those of us, who were not religious one day, and then one day, we became religious, it seems like we are harshest on those who

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are less religious than we are. Even though it should be the other way around, I have been in your place, I know what it feels like not to be religious, I know what you are deprived of. I wish that you would feel exactly what I'm feeling right now. Our proper relationship was a lot of pantalla. So again, you know, when we speak about religiosity, let us not only just confine ourselves, with the outer appearance, and the outer physical definition of what religious it is, and with this inshallah, we would like to open the floor for questions and answers regarding this topic,

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guide, sister, mother, with reference to people who were inclined towards the stance, the new middle holding hand and go ahead, it has been observed that Muslim boys, it can be the vice versa as well. They get along with non Muslims expecting that they will come to Islam, and it's a good job to be done to bring a person towards Islam. And in this bargain, we have seen that our Muslim sisters, they do not get a proper match. Yes, you are very right. And we did address this issue, when we were talking about people who are getting married to non Muslims. Remember, we said that in the case of people who are marrying to non Muslims, this is a compatibility time bomb. What I said about these

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people, I qualified it by saying that these are people who would like to embark on the journey. These are people that were born into Muslim families, and they are they've been raised by, you know, into Muslim families in the lifetime that they have had, you know, be because of television be because of their upbringing. They did not have, you know, solid religious upbringing. But now that they've gotten all the looking into this, and they're saying, You know what, I would like to become religiously more inclined. And if I find a person who would hold hands with me and take me through that route, I am willing to do so. And by the way that can apply both to brothers and sisters. But

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that can also become a potential compatibility time bomb. So that's why I qualified it, that these people really do want to embark on that mission. These are not people who are faking it for right now. These are not people who are thinking about it. No, these are people who are considering seriously that I really want to go on to that route. I don't like my lifestyle and what I have done in the past, I would like and it would really help me a lot. If I can find somebody who would take me into that route. That's what we're talking about.

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Okay, good brother. What would you say about a sister who's married and her husband does not allow her to wear a hijab. Unfortunately, this case is not rare. And as sad as it is, many times brothers would be married to sisters who do not wear the hijab and they would love for their wives to wear the hijab, not because it makes

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them look good in front of other brothers, because sometimes we do want our wives to wear hijab, because what are the other brothers going to say about me, but they genuinely are concerned for the hereafter of their wives. So they want their wives to wear the hijab. So it is done out of concern. And this bothered you know the person that you have spoken a lot and to all the brothers who Allah Subhana Allah has blessed with sisters who have taken that extra step in having a more proper relationship with Allah subhanaw taala as far as covering themselves, you know, this is where we say down Allah, taqwa aid and help each other in righteousness and goodness. Here you are forcing her to

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take off the hijab even though Allah Subhana Allah has commanded her to do so and she is doing it yet you are forcing her to take it off. That is what we call hon Moncada and Allah Subhana. Allah described the hypocrites and the disbelievers, as those who are, they are the helpers and protectors of one another, they eradicate goodness, and they enjoying that which is evil. So do not become part of that evil, do not become part of the company of those who spread evil in the land and on earth. And we say the least that you can do is just let her be. Let her be if that's what she wants, then let her be know, you speak about democracy, you speak about the freedoms and whatnot, why don't I

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practice my freedom in wearing my hijab, as Allah subhanaw taala has commanded me and I would say that in order to speak to him, you know, talk, talk to him and just say, talk and talk and talk and in the process, do not give up.

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Do not give up.

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But he spoke about religiosity that it shouldn't be judged by the appearance.

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Yes, only, but tell you the truth, the methodology that you gave us talk enough to know enough of a person, I really don't know how much applicable it would be in, like, you know, in this cultural setup. So now, if a sister is really looking out for somebody religious, she doesn't have a lot of option to judge, you know, or maybe not, not options, chances to interact with the person and to know what is deep inside that man, you know, so the only way for her to know how religious that person is, is only for a for a very large extent only through his appearance, or only two things, which are very outward, because nobody except Allah Subhana Allah knows what is there in the heart.

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So what can sisters do in that case? It's an excellent question. And this question has to do with practicality. Practically speaking, maybe what I said, in theory is good. But practically speaking, in the area that I live in, I don't have the luxury of you know, interacting with this person, as I am describing and asking questions and coming to this conclusion, I don't, all I say is I am looking for a person who is religious, and I have very little to play with, besides my religiosity. And that's where I would you know, if you inshallah You are a father, you are a brother, that's when you know what you can help your sister, that's when you can help your daughter by saying that, you know,

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what, how can I help I have more access to know about this man than this, my sister, let me help out, how can I add my sister more into this? Again, it may not be practical, you may not have a brother or you may have a brother but he is not willing to do so. So I say it to be conscious of Allah as much as we can pray to Allah Subhana without that he guides you with regard to this person. But then again, to establish the religiosity of an individual, just based on their looks, I say we're gambling. At that point, we will really really be gambling and with this inshallah, we come to the conclusion of this part of our program, very grateful that you have joined us and inshallah he

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will join us again when we are on. We welcome your emails, we welcome your questions, your comments about this program and other programs, and you may do so at yes at faza at peace tv.org until we meet next we say so long and As salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.