Love And Relationship

Yassir Fazaga

Channel: Yassir Fazaga

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We'll be here this evening. In short, the last hour hope is to make this as informative as possible, as light as possible, or

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as practical as possible. So speaking about relationships, that have to do with medical issues, the medical issues, is of utmost importance at this point, not only for the community, but for the most influential women simply because we are made of individuals that come into families that we make societies.

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We are going to have, my talk will mainly be about the merits of Haskell, if you

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don't say that this is not

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live, it is very relevant to you, as we will see or claim.

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In the field of counseling, when people come in

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observation, this is what I have noticed, people are either in the relationship.

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But they are lovely girls wait

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to begin with, regarding the relationship. That's my humble opinion. You are either in the relationship, but you are loving one way or you are to begin with in the wrong relationship. So what we will be talking about talking about how to fix the first part, and that if you aren't in the right relationship, what you are loving the wrong way. And unfortunately, that is very common in the sense that it is very common that you have somebody who's got everything working for them, we've got a beautiful, beautiful kids, but somehow, they managed to mess it up for themselves.

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When

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speaking about a woman,

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she would put together a quilt, and once she is done with it, she would take it

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apart, and she was a foolish woman, because people will look into it. But why are we doing this.

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And now after you have done it, now you are messing it up yourself. And unfortunately, you see these types of families with a bunch of professionals, very successful, beautiful, loyal, family, you know, committed wife. And then for some reason, they decide that they want to cheat, they decide that they want to explore other people, ladies. So what happens is that it becomes a self inflicted injury.

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So these are people who are

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what they have brought upon themselves, self perpetuating injuries, and that

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one talk will be about

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making sure that will avoid the role

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of the individual itself is not right to be with all these people around because of what they are engaged in the type of behavior that they are engaged in all because of personality conflict, you just should not be with this with this person. So what we'll do is we have identified 10 people that you must avoid. Now, it doesn't mean that there were only 10 people, but it says of the personalities that are out there, or the kind of people that are out there, there are often people that must be avoided

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doing all sorts of aspects and that is besides making sure that you get the right person, you want to make sure that you are getting into the relationship for the right reasons. But sometimes, if you get into the relationship for the wrong reasons, you will end up in the wrong relationship. Let me tell you what I mean by this. So

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there is nothing wrong with wanting more. But the mistake comes in when we have to have money for things that money cannot buy. It's okay for money if you want to buy things that money can buy, but the minute you want money to get the sense that

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no matter how much of that money you have, it won't be able

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to

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do this, I guess.

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Tell you money from Bible books

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in your bed

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In provide the security system, but peace of mind is medicine, but it will not find the Oneness is the one food.

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appetite is the most tough, but it's not.

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So have the money for things that money can buy

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lots of money for things that money cannot buy, that is catastrophic. Similarly, it's beautiful to be in a relationship, only for the things that relationship can provide relationship for the right reasons. These are reasons to vote to be in a relationship. No pressure, the pressure comes sometimes from families, it comes from friends, it comes from classmates, it comes because of age it comes because of whatever it is.

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You'll be sitting in a gallery. Remember, this was so embarrassing, he will be talking to me.

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He's an economy's not very

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business.

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Everybody is noticing this about you? Oh, you know what, he is such a such a use of agent he is not married. And everybody gets you know what? You have got to get married, you must get married. So I came up with this answer. So whenever you getting married, when you stop asking me that was now getting ready for this show. So it's okay to want to be in a relationship, what do you do not want to be pressured into relationship, and the ministry will find this out for you.

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And you better not mess it up this slide. So now there is so much pressure that is coming as it must be in a relationship because everybody around you must be in a relationship. Or the other thing is just loneliness and desperation. And sometimes it gets very difficult. You know, as big as our Muslim community seems to be, it can be that

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95 or 96, or 97, they go home, and they have to be

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one of the saddest stories that I have personally witnessed is the people who bought the big 64 inch TV.

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That's when they first came out. Do you know what was the selling point?

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Why do people want the big 64 inch TV?

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Somebody might

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want to see somebody

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somebody wants

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to give people the impression that there were other people in the house.

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It gives people the impression that they were in the house with them. And you see this sometimes maybe you live by yourself, you walk in the house, and the first thing they do is they turn on the TV, because there is that noise in the background. And then we do something else with the TV is more. So why do people do that, because it gives them the impression that there is somebody in the house with

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so now people get very lonely and they want a relationship for not for growth, not for not for happiness, they want to get into a relationship simply because they are lonely. We may get

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lonely, but it cannot be the main purpose

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of why do you want to get into a relationship similar to that is sexual to put it to life. And that is we all have needs. And there is a point when you go out to the world when you are at school, your hormones are going and driving you crazy and you are just there's so much passion, physical passion in you. And you're saying to yourself, I don't know what to do about this. So you want to get into relationship, but your purpose is only sexual given example.

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People come into the restaurant

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and sometimes they will come to me and said I don't

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appreciate that that's okay. So,

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the main purpose of wanting to get married so that they did not do that which is correct as much as I appreciate this, but it cannot be the only reason. So what happens when you get yourself fulfilled sexually then what happens to the relationship?

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You seek to see the ideal if that becomes the only reason why you want to get married.

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When we when you are getting into a relationship for the wrong reasons, we tend to make the wrong choices. For example,

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This is to satisfy my sexual rubric, then I'm going to be looking for people who look or are sexually appealing to me, but we will not be the best of partners, she will be the best of the best of foreigners for the best time of either companions that we want to have in the house. If that is the main purpose of why we want to get into a relationship, then definitely, most likely, we will make the wrong choice about it. And you can see that

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in the mystery movies we become so so your

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sister or brother, so what you want to do, you got to be beautiful. There's nothing wrong with beauty is the driving factor, then this is this is how we tend to see other people. Another one is also a distraction from your own life. Meaning that this happens so many times. Sisters will call and they will say no, I'm living with my parents and my

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I hate being in that house, or my dad got remarried and I hate

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my stepdad. And they're just making my life miserable please, anybody,

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anybody.

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And because the designer is not seeing the relationship like me, but I do not want to be in this. I want to get out. Similar to this may not be a family issue, problem problems, it could be a legal issue.

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I want somebody remember what time

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he was facing deportation. And the only way that we can stay in the US was to get rid equals we do have anybody absolutely anybody, I don't care she can be 75 years old.

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But his main purpose was he's got legal problems, he needs to be in a relationship and he did not care who the other person is, as long as it was going to get rid of his legal relationship or

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legal issues.

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Also similar to that is to fill up your emotional or your spiritual Yeah, sometimes

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we are growing up and we go to see certain emotions grow with us as we are growing. And one of them is recognizing you know, the opposite sex or wanting a desire to be with a woman or if it was a woman or if you only want to be with a man, there is nothing wrong with this. The problem comes in is when we become emotionally dependent or when we become dependent for other people to have ourselves emotionally satisfied. That is very, very problematic. So make sure that if you are looking into getting into a relationship, these are not the reasons why you want to get it. They may be some of them are legitimate. For example, yes, I do want to stay permanently in the US is your

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man or woman. But at the same time, I will get into just any relationship I want to get into a relationship that is going to last

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It's not my fault.

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As we

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take a guess as to whom I would have date as a kind of people that must be avoided.

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What was your voice? Your voice

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didn't want to say

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no

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one moves on strong can be good.

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Once no

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one moves from indeed

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a woman that is not Muslim.

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These are the people that must be avoided. I'm talking to somebody who is an addict, somebody who is addicted, or they have any sort of any form of addiction.

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Any form of addiction. I remember what three years ago, there was

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a sister brother, they came in, they got into the

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annual holidays, everybody looks good in their

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wedding,

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physical, everybody's very happy and very joyful. And that's really nice. The same couple came back three years later.

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And they were very determined in wanting to get a divorce. And

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I think I've done your wedding day was a media that was the case. And I said, What is going on

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the product that was blowing

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his mind out of

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this relationship.

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And then I looked at her and she says, For the past three years, I've been trying to get out of this.

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I failed to do some addiction brothers and sisters technically is a disposable, liberalism's

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responsibility, because we make choices and these choices have consequences. But then they face a disorder identified with loss of control. That is, the biggest thing about addiction is that you are no longer a free version is a loss of control the occupation, disabling substances of behavior and continued use despite negative consequences, addiction.

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Addiction is not only about drugs, addiction can be about

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addiction can be about other

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other behaviors that have got severe, absolutely severe consequences. And the thing about addiction.

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The thing about addiction is that it creates a triangle, when you offer one side to the other person is on the other side. And then you have got the substance or the behavior that these people are addicted. Unfortunately, one of the most common addictions that we see in our community, or the ones that I have seen, doing counseling to fix, unfortunately, substance abuse in the form of alcohol, or unfortunately, pornography, pornography is very common, especially nowadays, where it is just a click away, it is just a DVD away, it is just the next local movie store that is awake. So people tend to have this behavior. Now aside from the power aspect from the health aspect, if you put this

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aside

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this consequence,

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and that is, it feels the nationalist stimulus in a man or a woman. What is naturally sexually stimulating is not stimulating anymore. So what you end up doing is that you need to be excited, and we're not provides this. So what naturally other people find to be excited is no longer exciting to you simply because you have gotten into this type of addiction with you need to be excited, not with natural stimulus. But you need these kinds of things to get into the relationship 45% of divorces that take place in America

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the oldest one either gambling or alcohol. But pornography plays such a big huge role in this.

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My husband cheated on me is being

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addicted to pornography for a very long time. I bought DVDs at home I caught my husband taking

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videos of himself engaged in behavior that was not that was not appropriate

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with addiction is that you are going to have somebody who is not

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somebody who is not totally

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Free or capable of feeling, we need to use substances to make us feel good, although that

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will not be, we cannot give back to the addict.

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And that is the Playboy, or the flavors. And what we're talking to somebody who lacks sexual integrity, integrity is not only moral integrity is not only about but it's also that is a process that is called sexual integrity. These are,

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these are people who just see the other people as bodies that they can misuse and abuse for a while and then move on. If you are with a person who used to be a boy or a girl, here's what's going on. If we are in college, or remember the days

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of college is usually what happens. You've got so many exchanging

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tools. And what it does is that initially, the relationship is so intense, the passion is so great, but then six months down the line that starts fading away, because you start getting used to it. But you love that intensity at the beginning stages of the relationship. So what do you do, you change,

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and you get again, into that cycle of it's very intense, it's very passionate, it's very beautiful, it's very much. And then six months down the road, it comes and starts fading away. So what you do find somebody else. Now these are the people, when they get married, they've never committed to a relationship like this. They never convince someone This is it. Not only that, but this is sex was consequences sex, that responsibility, which did not happen during the time of

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when they were for Playboy, he played for the paper out there. And that would be a when we talk about playboy or sexual issues, we're talking about sexual addiction, and people sexually addicted to unbelievable things.

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Very common, somebody who's married to playboy, they will come to the message, my husband or my wife, they want to do things that to them is neither acceptable, nor do they find to be natural, no doubt about it. But what that person is trying to do is he's trying to break or she's trying to bring that intensity that they felt at some time ago, for lack of sexual integrity that can go into cheating sexual performance problems. This is an issue that we do not like to talk about, but bedroom couples are viewed problems in families, flirting with other people, other people, so brothers, when you see a beautiful girl, when you do

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you check her clothes.

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You know, they check her out. But then it just does not stop checking her

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comments, either about the person or to the person. And that would, you know, manifest itself in constant state of other people's bodies. If you see a woman or a man, as a look into them in a very

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appropriate way of making sexual comments about other people's bodies, and how that looks and what they will have done what's happening, or inappropriate touching other people. Unfortunately, sometimes it goes into actual cheating on the person. I know somebody, this is all. By the way, any story that I tell you about? These are stories that are imperative.

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And obviously, for obvious reasons, I will not share the names of the places where I met these people. There was a family assistant who came and she said, My husband is cheating. And I said, You know what? Is he really cheating or you know what you

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are accusing him or? I mean,

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I caught them cheating. And here's what the husband said. He said yes is shooting and he is moving out of the house to live with that girl. I said you mean he's going to marry that girl?

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They're not getting married. She's not Muslim, but he got to live with her and he told me that I want to live with her. And with her, she's

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going to come back and you are going to take

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this is how well he knew his wife. And you know what? If we were to do this,

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I know she is going to tell you. There is this idea of dependency when we make other people to make us feel good to make us feel worthy. An average woman who is in a

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abusive relationship. And that would be physical abuse, verbal, psychological sexual abuse, it takes an average of 12 to 18 years to walk away from that relationship. So this man is like someone, but what amazes me most about him is his lack of integrity, he actually cheated on you, I will continue to keep all your eyes out to live with that person. And once I am done with that, they aren't going to come back to this relationship, and you are going to take me back as well. So you want to pay attention about this idea of

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other people that also we want to avoid. Now some people we want to avoid permanently. Other people we want to avoid temporarily.

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Okay, such as a person who is recently divorced or widowed? And then

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what are they missing? At this point, a person who just recently divorce or they just lost their partner, what are they missing?

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There is an issue of sexual hunger, there is desperation. So what they want to do is they want to forget about the past and they want to move on, what would they have forgotten is that they did not deal properly with the past where they tried to jump in into a new relationship, you do not want to be with these type of people.

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But at this point, you want to step back from that is this valid, and that is people are emotionally attached or emotionally. So you want to give yourself some time. And some people argue that this is the wisdom behind appointment, enter an appointment. For a woman who gets divorce, she may not get remarried, for the next three months, somebody will say all to find out whether she's pregnant or not, we will need to wait three months. But some people argue that the wisdom behind it is really to make sure that the people are done with relationships. And other people that you want to avoid is a habitual divorce. I know somebody who married and divorced 48 times.

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What makes you think that you are the right person?

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The previous 48 but he was just waiting for more. And when one comes and gives you that love,

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he stops at 49. Number 49.

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That is not good. That is not acceptable. Some people are habitually known for doing this. And that's what is mentioned in the

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law. Some people question the authenticity of the law despises habitual divorce. These are people and they don't really know I don't speak bad about such kind of things. Maybe the problem is they're not patient whatsoever. Maybe these are people who cannot forgive.

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But the idea is it will be very difficult to say that 48 people went

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to this person maybe they will hold in wanting to be was that was that person

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also speaking about people who are mature, and these are people who do not have age appropriate and immaturity sometimes reflects itself in person who just get into depth.

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We will constantly just piling laws upon death upon death. Why does it tell you that this person is not financially mature, they're not making mature decisions with the fancy cars that have not been paid the big houses that are not needed, be the luxurious items that are not needed. And you look into some people's lifestyle. They keep going and

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not because they are supporting the quality of their life, but they are supporting this ties like that. Does that does that make sense?

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Yeah.

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So the idea is that gives you an idea of what kind of person we are for you're dealing with. I think I've told you this before.

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Number

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1.5 billion credit cards in the 1

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billion cards in the US. They are held by 158 million people. That is an average of credit cards per person.

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Not to put anybody on the spot if you have a credit card

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if you have more than a credit card.

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34567

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credit cards, the bank credit or

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credit cards, the gas gasoline credit card, and what we do is unfortunate that we keep piling up on people. You may not notice this at this point. But we have seen what unnecessary nodes have done to families, they literally sometimes destroy cabins. And then also this idea of people not living within their means the average person, the average person

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is about

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the average person have charged them for eight out of the

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box, Starbucks, people are charging their latte for $3.50. And they're charging on their credit card. And you go into and say, This person is paying for the latte in the room 115 dollars, that they could have, you know, paid less money for it all they could have done without the what what is that there is this idea of Wi Fi especially that we live in a culture that in order to be happy, you must have material

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How does this make you feel? How does you're getting now what

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would make me happy not to be happening because of the material gain that you are able to make similar to this,

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these are people who just cannot forgive people who cannot forgive and remember counseling.

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And they can and they finally decided to get a divorce. But the

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his main problem is his heart was so occupied with so much members, so much hatred, so much memories of people who have voted in the past and they just cannot let go, they literally cannot let go the air is a breeze is reserved. The words that we use are full of residuals. And at that point, that person is not a free person. And that is why

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he will not forgive others, or he will does not

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allow

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them of people are not available. And I'll tell you what I mean by people

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or a person who does not have a relationship with God. Remember this in Islam is not only about the physical attraction, it's not only about the children, but it's also a journey to become more spiritual. You also believe that you can hold hands and say this is our goal and we would like to go on this journey together. A person who does not have a relationship with God is not

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to be

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forgotten title

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by a person who is not available,

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a person who is not available, do not attempt to get into a relationship with a person that is not available.

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The following are not available.

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If she's managed, she's not available.

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But other people who also are not available, and these are things

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that will but it will be soon after they leave, they want you to stick around because they know they're going to

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be patient just stick around

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or he doesn't want but he really doesn't like he hates it just waiting for her to die.

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This person is not available because they are

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only

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having sex anymore. We don't even have sex together. We don't even sleep in the same bedroom. So what you are still with somebody at least technically, you want to honor the integrity of that relationship. What

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is somewhat interesting for the sake of the kids

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and it not be for

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myself, but for right now.

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He or she is not available. They are with someone

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the other person knows that they're talking to you.

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This is a case that I know

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Remember the sister

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is cheating to somebody. And once he's done,

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I said, Well, let

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me know about you. And she said, Yes, she knows about me.

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And he asked me to our kids, and let the peace meter that is the person that is chillingworth. So she doesn't only know that he is married, but she is okay with the kids.

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That she knows. And she's okay with it. It does not.

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It does not make that person an available person.

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They all know someone, they've decided that they want to leave, but they want to stick around anyways. You don't want to be in that relationship.

00:35:52--> 00:36:34

Or the other someone or they just love someone. What they might go back to that person? No, well, we're getting divorced, but we really don't know how it's going to go on. But I do want you to stick around a person who cheats on his family, what guarantee do you have that that person will not cheat on you, the following relationships will not work. Avoid these kinds of relationships. And this is the relationship when you care more about that person than they care about you. And that is so unbelievably vague. Some people they just pull it off, they open their heart.

00:36:36--> 00:36:40

And they invest so much in that relationship. But that is not

00:36:41--> 00:36:49

by the other party, or vice versa, when they care more about you than you care about them, that is not acceptable.

00:36:51--> 00:37:18

There must be at least a similar level of interest in one another. Now it's possible that during the during the marriage, one person is putting more than the other person and it may last for some time, but then it balances itself out again. But initially, they must be interested out other people, the woman or the world is madly in love with the guy. So why don't you come and meet my friends? Where are you coming to meet my parents? Well,

00:37:19--> 00:37:25

at this point, you know, really thinking about it, and when it's just the right time.

00:37:26--> 00:37:33

So um 12345 so where are you come into? Are you going to propose

00:37:34--> 00:37:46

there is there is more emotional investment on one side than there is on the other side. It will not work when you are in love with your partner's potential. Good sister.

00:37:48--> 00:37:52

As soon as she loses the 200 pounds, oh my God.

00:37:57--> 00:38:42

He doesn't have his high school diploma yet, but he wants to be a doctor. And can you imagine him being a doctor, but he doesn't have an actual diploma. So what happens is that we are in love with them. But we are in love with the potential later on. It means that you know, I'm just waiting with excitement. Not that I'm enjoying what's going on right now. But I'm just waiting for the date that the promise or loss or the beans or the professional case will not work you must be interested in the person that you want to be with as they are right now. You want them to grow but you cannot show interest in them because of their potential. You want to be wisdom as they are right now. Does that

00:38:42--> 00:38:43

make sense?

00:38:47--> 00:38:51

And that is another one is when you are on the rescue mission.

00:38:55--> 00:38:58

You can almost see them in their eyes. They just love.

00:38:59--> 00:39:05

They love drama. They love difficult situations. They want to be the Messiah for the people.

00:39:06--> 00:39:11

This person comes to me and he wants to get in the water with his mother.

00:39:12--> 00:39:21

So okay, so Mashallah, that's really good. So the mother is saying is that his wife is not going to be is not Muslim.

00:39:25--> 00:39:59

And I'm feeling that to be a lot more than this. What will happen is that supposedly, this girl was, was raped, and she got pregnant, and now this person wants to save. He doesn't want to raise the baby by herself. He wants to be there for him. He wants the baby. When that baby comes out, he's not necessarily in London. He is on a rescue mission. He is the question that was when other people she was violated. She was raped when we don't know if she was raped or not. And that was part of the

00:40:00--> 00:40:08

The argument, but they feel that even if she got pregnant, it was wrong for the person that did it. And he was involved in the rescue of this person.

00:40:10--> 00:41:00

It won't work, especially when people on addiction, remember the person who got divorced because of alcohol. She said, I gave him three years of my life, I was trying to get out of there. She knew he was an alcoholic. But she felt that he was not loved enough, she felt that it would take her because she is his Messiah. And she's worked to save me from what was going on what was going for themselves, it won't work, if you are infatuated with the other person for external reasons, beautiful fade away, money will fade away, status might go away. But the first thing is, if you are not in love with the inner beauty of the person, then that relationship is very shaky. If you only

00:41:00--> 00:41:22

love the outer beauty of that person, that is very dramatic. Accidents may happen. So what you want to do is you want to be in love with the person's inner beauty, you have compatibility, you go into a cycling club, and oh my god, there was a human being even like cycling. Okay. And then

00:41:24--> 00:41:37

as a member of this year, it is so exciting. Okay. So people think that they see compatibility, and they think that is the first time I see a Muslim, a member of the Sierra Club.

00:41:39--> 00:41:43

Well, you know, he actually has come from Wells Fargo.

00:41:44--> 00:41:46

Okay, and then that's my wife she loves

00:41:49--> 00:41:50

sitting in the first row.

00:41:54--> 00:41:54

And like you

00:41:57--> 00:42:14

said, that this idea of partial compatibility, compatible, partially compatible, you happen to like the same path or the same coffee or whatever it is. Because we've got this, we are meant to be together that is just

00:42:15--> 00:42:19

keep going at the relationship because you are feeling

00:42:21--> 00:42:21

it.

00:42:23--> 00:42:24

People will come in and they will say,

00:42:26--> 00:42:42

it will break this off, they will break my heart, if I tell them that we cannot go through business. And they have some people will tell you that on the day that I was getting married, I knew she was not the person for me. Or I knew he was not the person for me what

00:42:45--> 00:42:48

know, difficult that would have been and then feeling guilty about

00:42:49--> 00:42:52

feeling guilty before. So what do they do

00:42:54--> 00:43:09

for a while, but then we've got to finish this. No, they go along with it, they come back and they are miserable. As they say that I don't even want to be in the relationship. I've only done this because I am feeling guilty. By the way, if you

00:43:10--> 00:43:13

see, I see a good number of faces.

00:43:14--> 00:43:18

In some cultures, it was very easy to have to

00:43:20--> 00:43:25

you have children who do things for them. And some of us come from cultures that are guilt driven.

00:43:28--> 00:43:29

Just like that.

00:43:33--> 00:43:53

So you're constantly driven by guilt when the idea is you have to sacrifice to make somebody else feel good. Or you give up your own happiness for the sake of somebody else. So about feeling guilty is the feeling that the other person is just waiting to let go of them.

00:43:55--> 00:44:21

She got married to this brother on the recommendation that he was very religious. She got married. And then soon after I started getting phone calls, what's going on? I hate him. When you talk about it, I literally hate him. And like I'm much happier when he is not in the house. But when he comes here, it's like the demos are coming in as well. What's going on? I don't know why why do we assume

00:44:23--> 00:44:23

that

00:44:26--> 00:44:28

all the things we just spent some time with them.

00:44:31--> 00:44:33

moment you are going to love

00:44:36--> 00:44:41

them. So there is either something wrong with me or there is something wrong with them.

00:44:55--> 00:44:59

So that's my USB drive. That is the door okay?

00:45:03--> 00:45:06

avoid default, you cannot take the mystery

00:45:07--> 00:45:08

out of your own material.

00:45:10--> 00:45:14

This is very important to notice you cannot make a mistake right

00:45:16--> 00:45:31

out of your own material. Now you can encourage them, you can mess it up, but if it's not if you can remember how much you love the person you cannot change them, unless they themselves want to beat you,

00:45:33--> 00:45:34

you can promote you can give them

00:45:35--> 00:45:39

but you cannot change them unless they want to change

00:45:41--> 00:45:47

or avoid the following expect to find Mr right or miss right in the wrong places.

00:45:49--> 00:45:52

For people who are a very religious person, so when they want to go

00:45:55--> 00:45:58

various laws and religious people can do so you

00:46:00--> 00:46:13

when you are looking for this device, but you are looking all over the wrong places. So the idea is, if you are looking for Mr. Right, you ought to be looking for that person in the places where most likely.

00:46:16--> 00:46:18

Does that make sense? Because

00:46:25--> 00:46:27

sometimes I feel myself guilty.

00:46:31--> 00:46:42

Oh, and that is hope now and find next and that is you know what I like to be like me, let's get it going right now. And later on, we become committed to one another.

00:46:44--> 00:46:47

Avoid making such kinds of compromises.

00:46:49--> 00:47:00

As a married man, or with a married woman, I have heard of people that literally fish, literally the fish for women who are not happy.

00:47:02--> 00:47:06

They literally fish for them, they get a kick out of seducing

00:47:08--> 00:47:12

and some women, they get a kick out of seducing a male.

00:47:13--> 00:47:15

That is just absolutely

00:47:16--> 00:47:20

that is very, very disgraceful for people who seduce a man

00:47:21--> 00:47:23

or listen to someone.

00:47:25--> 00:47:32

Again, I know faces like this system is not going good with your husband, the guy promises to leave the soccer

00:47:35--> 00:47:37

mom or take care of and guess what?

00:47:39--> 00:47:40

And he made it for free.

00:47:43--> 00:47:43

Because he got

00:47:44--> 00:47:52

so you do not want to do that. Or make an immediate emotional investment people they just meet the person and they love

00:47:53--> 00:47:56

that person immediately. Immediately. They

00:47:58--> 00:48:05

want to make an immediate emotional investment. You want to keep your feet on the ground. Do not be afraid. Just for the sake of

00:48:17--> 00:48:18

question.

00:48:19--> 00:48:22

practices to avoid making the mistakes.

00:48:24--> 00:48:31

You'll find the right person, but then we make these mistakes. And that is we do not ask enough questions. You know why?

00:48:33--> 00:48:35

Because it's so cool to

00:48:36--> 00:48:40

sit there and just talking. What do you do? How much you get paid?

00:48:41--> 00:48:42

Like that's not fun.

00:48:43--> 00:48:46

That's not fun. Like you remember the first day

00:48:47--> 00:48:51

on the phone and you've been on the phone for three hours and then say okay, sign

00:48:52--> 00:48:53

up.

00:49:02--> 00:49:04

That is really nice.

00:49:06--> 00:49:19

To be asked questions to know more about the person. Nobody wants to do this assistant manager person thinking that he is a medical doctor. Literally she thought he was a medical doctor. He told them that he was a medical doctor

00:49:22--> 00:49:23

and LVM

00:49:24--> 00:49:45

as a delivery assistant nurse. There is nothing wrong with being an LPN but don't lie. Why do you have to say that you are a medical doctor and people are very new on these premises that you are a medical doctor. So the idea is ask questions, ask lots and lots of questions or ignore the warning signs of potential trouble.

00:49:47--> 00:49:58

She said that the person can propose for salary, but then we went out to dinner I was in college because my brother and as we were in the restaurant, she said

00:50:00--> 00:50:03

Every time a woman passed by, he'll be safe.

00:50:04--> 00:50:05

She wouldn't have

00:50:06--> 00:50:25

to later or find out that he cheated. That was the only time that she has ignored. So as you're getting to know the person, make sure that you do not ignore these signs make premature compromise. He hasn't even proposed, but you decided, I will move to Iowa where you

00:50:26--> 00:51:07

can propose. And what we have to do is that what we end up doing is that we made premature compromises to be made, or given to lost people. When you find a person and you let the person get to the person. And people ask, Can I talk to them on the phone, and we keep in mind, number one, avoid direct phone calls don't go crazy, I avoid when the sun goes down, the phone goes down. Number two, always assume that there is a third party listening to this conversation. Would you say that you are saying right now? Or would you not say if you wouldn't say it's more appropriate for you to be saying?

00:51:09--> 00:51:32

Number three, do not get addicted to that? Because sometimes it's not. The beauty of talking to the other question is just a bit of talking to the opposite sex, some people just so lonely, they just want to get a woman's voice on the other end of the phone. So it's not the desire that we have for the person, but rather, is the is the is the last order that

00:51:35--> 00:51:43

we're getting into material selection, we spoke about this commitment before compatibility. Remember, you know, usually

00:51:46--> 00:51:47

my first girlfriend,

00:51:50--> 00:51:51

I was in first grade

00:51:53--> 00:52:00

with my girlfriend, but what happened is that you put your name next to my name.

00:52:02--> 00:52:03

And you put the heart right.

00:52:06--> 00:52:07

On the other side of the heart

00:52:09--> 00:52:45

is that you are committed and nothing has happened. So what we do is that we put commitment before compatibility, but we expect children to do this. But that is not what you want to do. compatible is defined once you found the right person. But then wait a minute, there are certain points that you need to pay attention to. Because if you go along with it, it's got to be a bit problematic. And these may be significant age differences. Why do we call them timeframes? Because as you are involved, they don't sound as dangerous, or he's so old.

00:52:46--> 00:52:47

And

00:52:51--> 00:53:26

mature man anyways, it is so much wisdom is there. So here's the guy 58. And she is 29. She wants to go out on the weekends, no, but he wants to just sit at home and relax. And so it depends. Are you the older person? Or are you the person but that might be a potential on compatibility time on visit religious backgrounds. You think it's okay, yes, it starts a new way, maybe a judgment or industry moment. But here's the strange people, they have that baby and then all of a sudden.

00:53:30--> 00:53:31

But we already talked about.

00:53:34--> 00:53:38

But we already spoke about this. Right? So we've got that

00:53:39--> 00:53:55

issue the different social, ethnic or educational background parents have been in too long into this. And sometimes we may not even think it's a big deal. But believe me, once you get into it now what I'm saying is watch out for these things. They do not necessarily make

00:53:58--> 00:54:01

sense to pay attention toxic in laws

00:54:03--> 00:54:04

or toxic people.

00:54:05--> 00:54:11

I see it almost on weekly basis. There's always that question about Can I kill my mother in law?

00:54:13--> 00:54:14

really evil

00:54:15--> 00:54:16

along forgive me if I

00:54:23--> 00:54:24

won't be painful.

00:54:25--> 00:54:27

But the idea is some

00:54:29--> 00:54:32

somebody was actually like, two

00:54:34--> 00:54:39

or sometimes long distance relationship. And that is you know, when a person is on the other line

00:54:41--> 00:54:48

on the phone, what we end up doing is that we end up with his he is that's I put that together. So

00:54:49--> 00:54:59

this is for imagery syndrome. So that is when we fall in love with the image that we that we have created ourselves that may not be

00:55:00--> 00:55:02

The real question on the other side of the line.

00:55:04--> 00:55:10

So we ended up creating this image. And he was so funny, he makes funny noises when he's talking to me on the

00:55:12--> 00:55:14

wiki, and

00:55:15--> 00:55:26

you wind up doing this. What happens is that in the long distance relationship, really don't get to know the person simply because there is that excitement of waiting for the phone call. And you know, this

00:55:27--> 00:55:31

is calling the house we and we get into this

00:55:33--> 00:55:35

problem. What

00:55:37--> 00:55:44

was this? Well, we will own the brothers and sisters name for most of your your appearances, there is nothing godly.

00:55:46--> 00:56:16

There is absolutely nothing godly. Now, we will say, but I don't want a question that that considers me simply because reality is people do consider us and we made an impression on them on the basis of life. So the point is, make the most out of your appearance. You know, they say that there are certain things that you can find out about a person just from the way that they tenseness and templates, you can

00:56:17--> 00:56:21

possibly tell things about the present just from the dress.

00:56:22--> 00:56:24

This is what religion is.

00:56:25--> 00:56:27

There's a Jewish person wearing a young,

00:56:28--> 00:56:32

Jewish, a Catholic nun. Does she have to tell you I am a Catholic? None

00:56:34--> 00:56:46

of this you have to say like a Muslim? No. So I knew about the religious beliefs by how they are dressed. I can know about their political Association. I see ahead.

00:56:50--> 00:57:02

Teacher, does he have to tell me what are his political views, what he thinks of other people, he is giving me the message on what it is when we find out about your profession.

00:57:06--> 00:57:11

You're able to tell pieces. So the point is make the most out of your appeal for some reason.

00:57:14--> 00:57:16

Producer, but the reality is that

00:57:18--> 00:57:29

virtually no people are looking for you know, people say the minute she walks in I know, I know, I know. She's the right person, based on

00:57:31--> 00:57:31

what

00:57:33--> 00:57:33

I know.

00:57:37--> 00:57:48

But at least I know and therefore we know know what it is that you are looking for. It makes it easy for you to detect if you knew what it is that you are looking for. Okay?

00:57:50--> 00:57:55

People say that you're okay, about the spring break about seven days, you must get married.

00:57:56--> 00:57:59

Because after the seven days servicers go

00:58:00--> 00:58:00

to visit.

00:58:02--> 00:58:14

So we got a we need to find a woman or a man in that way, it does not work. So take your time, and finally keep growing because you're waiting for a relationship

00:58:17--> 00:58:18

whenever you go back to school,

00:58:20--> 00:58:25

after school, but why not? What should I know as you are waiting for that?

00:58:26--> 00:58:40

For that for that time? But no, we do not think that we can stop growing afterwards. Like I said the idea was to get as provocative as possible about some of these points. You may

00:58:42--> 00:58:54

find them a relationship that you know, you may have them in your own relationship. But the point is, if you have not gotten married yet, I hope that this was informative. If you

00:58:55--> 00:59:04

can see where is it that we went wrong last week, that I believe we're getting ready for Salah or something like

00:59:07--> 00:59:07

that.