What Makes You Cry

Yasmin Mogahed

Channel: Yasmin Mogahed

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What Makes You Cry?
By: Yasmin Mogahed

Serenity Podcast

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Assalamu alaikum This is ismene Mujahid and you're listening to serenity streaming live on one legacy radio, we are doing something a little different today. And the actually the idea for today's show came from a message that I received. And as you know, we are taking your questions at Serenity at one legacy radio.com. One of the messages that I had received was a sister who was talking about a situation which was causing her a lot of grief. And you know, that, as she described the situation, she ended her message in a way that really struck me, and what she said at the end of her message, and we can talk about, you know, just generally what it was that was causing her grief. But

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she ended her message by saying, I cry about it every night. And that struck me, because it made me realize that, that this is really a window into what are our deepest attachments? And that's the question of what makes you cry. And so I decided that, that it would be really interesting to to really look at this question. And to get the feedback of the listeners and readers about this question, what makes you cry? because what it does is it gets at the very root of our attachments, the thing that makes us cry, is that thing which we you can say we're most deeply dependent upon, we're most deeply that's the most important thing to us, it's what essentially is filling our

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hearts. And so I decided to put this question out there and ask you the listener to answer this question, what makes you cry? And and I and I want you to inshallah get involved at the chat box in the chat box and answer this question we received so far, a lot of messages, people, different people answering this question in different ways. And what I'm going to do is I'm going to read some of the responses that I got, and then discuss are what that really what we can learn from that. And and what does that say? What can what can these things teach us about our own selves? And, you know, how is this something that we can use in order to develop? So some of the answers that we received

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so far read, one person says, loneliness, I know Allah is always with me, and I'm never alone. But what ultimately wears me down is lack of human affection, company and love. And this is from a listener in Pakistan. Now Subhan, Allah, you know, this, this, this issue of loneliness, it's going to also tie in with some of the other answers that we received. So I'm going to come back to that one. The next one says, whenever I attach myself to anything other than a law, it always becomes a reason for me to regret and cry.

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Another answer when someone, when somebody lets me down, when I am too frustrated, to do anything else, another one that spoke about relationship with with, with the, with their, their friends, and how that relationship had been broken between her and a very close friend. And then, you know, that this problem with with the situation with now a third friend, and then this was where it ended with, I really cry every night. So what do I do? Now, you know, just just looking at these just these four responses so far, what we can learn from this is a very profound lesson, the thing that is going to make you cry again, and again, and again, it is going to show you that this is something that you

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are ultimately attached to, and it's actually an indication for for yourself to to realize what it is that maybe you are too dependent on. You know, for example, this person says when someone lets me down, now, the only reason why it hurts when someone lets us down, is because we depended on that person. We depend when we depend on something so for example, if I'm, if I have all of my weight on a chair, and that chair breaks, I fall, but if I'm, you know standing on the ground, and the chair and I'm and I'm you know maybe I just have an elbow on the on the arm of the chair, or maybe I'm just touching the chair with my pinky, and I and I don't have all my weight, I'm standing on the on

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the firm ground, but I just I'm just touching the chair, or maybe I'm just looking at the chair, and then the chair breaks what happens to me in that scenario on the

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The answer is nothing, I don't fall, I see the chair break. And I may be sad that the chair broke, because maybe it was my favorite chair. And I liked the chair, I liked, you know, using the chair, I liked looking at the chair, whatever it was, it may make me sad, but in but we'll see that in this scenario, I don't fall. And that's because I wasn't sitting on the chair, I was standing. And I saw the chair break. And I may have some, of course, some relationship with that chair, it's in my house, it's in my room. Like I said, you may have had, you know, an arm on it resting on it, but not your whole weight. And so when it breaks, you don't fall, how does this apply to our human

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relationships? How does this apply in general, and the way that that applies is that when I have friend drama, for example, if I have so much of if I have all my weight in that friend, if I'm if all of my dependency is in this relationship, and it defines me and it and it defines my happiness, and it defines my sadness, and it defines my, my self esteem and my self worth, in this relationship, whether it's a friend, or it's a spouse, or it's or it's a family member, or whoever it is, that then every time there is any kind of issue of for example, the friend says something that hurts my feelings, or the spouse says something that hurts my feelings, all of a sudden, it's

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no longer just, I'm a little sad about that, you know, it's, I'm, I'm crying every night or I'm unable to, to focus on anything else, I'm unable to function properly. This is a sign that I was sitting on the chair. And I was not just sitting on any chair, but I'm sitting on a chair that is not designed to hold my weight. If I'm sitting on, for example, suppose as an adult, we weigh you know, an adult who weighs 150 pounds, decides to sit on a chair designed for a baby, you know, like a little baby chair. And when you sit on that chair, obviously, that chair is going to break. And the reason it breaks is because that chair was not designed to hold 150 pounds, that chair was

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designed for something else. And this is the way the creation is in general, the creation, Allah subhanaw taala made the creation as to fulfill a certain purpose, just like that baby chair was created to fulfill a certain purpose. If I go and I try to change that purpose, and instead I take that baby chair, and try to make it a support system for me and try to make it into something that I put all my wait on, then I am just asking to fall because I'm doing something that that that goes against the design of that particular creation, in that case, the chair, but the creation of Allah subhanho wa Taala in general is this way, it is not designed for me to put my weight on, but rather

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designed for another purpose and ultimately the purpose by you know, for which the creation was made. We know ultimately, the creation of Allah subhanaw taala says that he has created, you know, that he has only created jinn and human beings to worship Him. And, and beyond that, he tells us that he has made everything in this world, for us to use for us to use for the human being to use, how do we use the things in this world, the way in which we use the things in this world is to bring us to Allah subhanaw taala it's a means it's a vehicle. And, and and not just, you know, sometimes Allah subhanaw taala You know, when you think about for example, the relationship with with your

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spouse or their relationship with your friend, there is you know, there's also joy in that one isn't going to say that, that this is just, you know, I just I'm doing this for the sake of Allah, I don't need to enjoy this there needs to be you know, there doesn't need to be I can't enjoy this. This is just this is just work. This is just work for Allah. And that's not true because we know for example, there's a hadith or rather a verse in the Quran and a where Allah subhanaw taala it's a Doha have been a hub Milena min as well Gina was the reality now kurata iron, which I met and mocked up you know, you're you're asking in this da that Allah Subhana Allah gifts you gives you the gift

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of making your spouses and your children the coolness of your eyes. So there is joy in that. But even that joy itself is a means to Allah subhanaw taala what happens when my friend or my spouse is the coolness of my eyes What happens when I when I when I receive joy from my relationship with my friend or from my spouse. What happens is if viewed correctly, it becomes a source of

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Gratitude, it becomes a trigger of gratitude in me within me. And that gratitude now the shocker that that that that it ignites inside of me, it brings me closer to Allah subhanaw taala. That shortcode itself is an act of a bed is an act of worship is show code is a is an act of worship of the heart, that the heart is thankful to Allah subhanho data. And what enabled me and helped me to engage in that act of a beta of sugar is the fact that I had this joy, this blessing that Allah subhanaw taala gave me through my spouse or through my friends or through my family. So one isn't, you know, we don't see our relationships in this very, you know, dry sort of detached in the sense

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of hard hearted way. But rather, the the focus here has to do with where am I sitting? Where am I putting my Wait, you can enjoy and in fact, and this is what you will find, when you study these answers. When you study what makes you cry, you will see that it is only when we misuse and abuse the creation of Allah subhanaw taala in a way that it was never intended to be used, only then does it actually cause us pain and only then does it go from being a potential source of coolness of the eyes to being just tears in the eyes, and just pain. And it's because of me oftentimes that because I am using it in the wrong way that I am trying to sit on this chair, and it was never intended to

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hold my weight. And and in the same way our relationships with our spouses, our or our friends, you will find experientially that they change dramatically when you regain the proper balance in how you sort of face or how you sort of use or or how you view that relationship. That relationship should be and can be a source of joy, for sure. But But the problem is now, when I am, and this is kind of where I want us to begin to understand when I am at my lowest point, just to give us an idea where where we we sometimes go off when when I am at my lowest point, where do I turn first? When I am when I am most afraid or when I am most sad, or when I'm most desperate or in need of help? Where do

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I turn first, oftentimes, the place that we turn first is to the creation. And maybe it's to that person who is nearest to me, whether it's a spouse, or maybe a friend, or a family member. And it's that person that I turn to at that point, those who have experienced this, there's a very interesting phenomenon that's attached to this. And that is that when you're at your lowest point, and you're your most helpless and most in need, and you turn to the creation first before the Creator, you will find something very interesting happening.

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That person or that thing, or whatever of the creation that you turn to, will let you down. And this is just like, this is just like a rule.

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Any time and you'll find this, it's when you're most desperate, it's when you're most at need, it's when you're most empty, and you turn to the creation before the creator or instead of the Creator, you will find that you will be let down and you will actually cause you more pain. So you began as being sad. Maybe you began as being empty. And when you turn to a place other than your Creator, to fill that emptiness and to end to fill that and to sort of bring you up when you're at that most desperate point it ends up you end up feeling as though someone's kicking you while you're already down. And and sometimes when this happens again, and again. And again. I think people don't

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necessarily understand why that keeps happening. And sometimes people get into a sort of a

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victim mentality that Oh, that Well, it's because though my friends are all bad or my friends have all abandoned me or, or my spouse is bad or, or, you know, everybody's against me and, and and this person fails to realize that it's not a problem with a friend. It's not a problem with the spouse. It's not a problem with the world itself. It's a problem with me and where I'm going when I'm at my lowest and when I'm at my most in need when I'm in when I'm most in need. It's a problem with me and I need to be redirected. Once you take a step back and you redirect yourself and you realize that I'm going to the wrong

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place for ultimate comfort I'm going to the wrong place for for ultimate shelter. And again let me reiterate that doesn't mean that there is no comfort and no joy in these relationships for sure we know this. I know Ben a headland I mean as YG net with reatta kurata I own the coolness of your eyes and your spouse's and in your and in your children. Similarly, Allah subhanaw taala says, woman ay ay ay t and Haleakala comin and full circle, as wedge and the test schooner, Alayhi, wa Jalla, binaca, mawatha, tan Rama, and from among His Signs is this, that he created from you from from within you, and from yourselves spouses, and he put the tuscano in a in order that you may dwell in

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tranquility with them, which Allah vena cava, what that and Rama, and he put between you love and mercy. In this area, we see a number of very, you know, these are joyful types of emotions, you have tranquility, that Allah saying that he, one of his signs is this, that, that he made this, this, this peace between, that you may be living in, in this peaceful state, or in this tranquil state, with with your spouse, and and then the love and the mercy that's between, between the spouses. So this is definitely one of the gifts of Allah subhanaw taala. And as Allah has said, in this area, in the beginning of the A, and then again, in the end, that this is a sign of Allah soprano data,

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again, going back to that it's a means it's a vehicle, it brings me ultimately closer to my Creator, which is the end goal, he is the end goal.

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But again, when we look at this, as this is talking about tranquility, this is talking about love, it's talking about mercy. But this is not talking about dependency, this is not talking about what where the the beggar goes to get food, where the where the where the, the popper goes to get money, that this isn't that you can't go empty to the creation and expect the creation to fill you. You can go full to the creation, and then expect some joy and some coolness of the eyes. But you can never go empty to the creation and expect the creation to fill you. And if you do do that, this is what brings you into this. This, the question really, that we that we're talking about today, of what

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makes you cry, if you're going to the creation, empty, and expecting the creation to fill you. That's when you get into the cycle of of being disappointed again, and again and again. And you and you'll find yourself crying a lot over these things. And not exactly understanding why that is. Now we've spoken thusfar a lot about relationships, about the creation in terms of other people. But that's not the only place where we put our dependency that's not the only place and the only thing that makes a person reach the level of crying or even that that intense sadness, even when it doesn't come out in tears. So when I returned from this short break, I'm going to talk about another

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manifestation of of the same type of thing, but not necessarily bringing us to tears.

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Santa Monica, this is yes, Ninja. And you're listening to serenity streaming live on one legacy radio. So we are taking your questions in the chat box. And the question that we are asking our listeners today is what makes you cry. And we're discussing what what those answers show about ourselves and about our attachments. And one of the comments or the questions we got in the chat box. kind of made me laugh it says is this a woman's radio station? And and it's interesting that this this is This question comes up? The answer is no. It's not a woman's radio station. It's It's It's for both men and women. But I think I understand where this question is coming from. And that

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that's actually interesting because what I was planning on doing next was was to talk about different manifestations of this same sort of emotion but how it may manifest itself in men. Usually, when people hear about someone crying they think, you know that's for women, right?

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But you know, to that point I just want to point out, you know, I want to mention, when we look at, for example, the the companions of the prophets, I send them we know that, that one of the greatest companions ever to live was was Abu Bakr Siddiq, and he was his nickname was in bed cat, the one who cries a lot. It's a exaggerated form of the word, cried, you know, to cry. We know that when the prophets I send them cried, you know, when when, you know, he was he had the death of his his son or the or, and when people looked at him, and they, you know, the companions that the men at that time also had this similar idea of, of that that's not very manly. And the prophets I send him Mooney

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said, you know, they asked him, like, What is this, and he said that this is the mercy that Allah subhanaw taala puts in the hearts of the believers, that that that there isn't that there's a lot of times there's this connection between weakness and crying, and that's something that needs to be redefined that they're crying and weakness are not obviously connected or, or abubaker, or Dylon would not have been called it but cat, and Alma, or the lion would not have had marks of tears on his face. But what we are speaking about that, that does cause weakness is whenever we depend on something other than Allah Subhana, Allah with all of our weight, and the crying is separate the

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crying can or cannot, I mean, sometimes the crying is an indication, depending on what what it is that's causing us to cry, or what is it that's causing us to be upset, but we have to be very careful, it's not the crying itself, that's the issue. The crying can be an indicator of our attachments. But at the same time, crying may also be an indicator of a heart that's alive, we know that, that you know if if the heart is, is, if a person is able to cry, for example, at the remembrance of Allah subhanaw taala, or in, you know, out of fear of Allah, this is something extremely beloved to Allah subhanaw taala. In fact, there's a hadith that says that, that that for a

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believer to cry out of fear of Allah subhanaw taala is greater than everything in that, that exists in the heavens and the earth, that the value of those tears when there for Allah sake is greater than everything in the heavens and the earth.

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So that the tears themselves are not the issue, the issue is the attachment, the issue is that I'm putting my dependency on something other than a law. And this is where I want to sort of talk about different manifestations of that dependency, it doesn't always come out in terms of tears. And, and, you know, kind of this is where we've put women into a category of women are, you know, they're the ones always crying, they're just so emotional. But what we've forgotten is that there's another emotion, which is kind of another manifestation of being really disappointed or being really upset, and that's anger. And sometimes, from from the time they're very, very young boys are actually

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taught that it's, it's not acceptable to show your emotions in other ways. It's not acceptable to cry, it's not acceptable to be too affectionate. There's a lot of things that that boys are taught that are not acceptable for them to do as, as men. And so what ends up happening is that boys oftentimes grow up, able to only able to exhibit one emotion for every other emotion. So for example, you know, when we're sad, you know, you might cry. And when you're when you're, you know, you might feel

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a totally different embarrassed, for example, then you might react differently, maybe your face will turn, you know, red, when you're angry, you might react differently. But what happens is all of these different emotions, embarrassment, sadness, feeling rejected, whatever it is, it all becomes, it all gets exhibited in only one way. And that's the way that boys have been taught is the only acceptable emotion to show and that's anger. So what you'll find is that when sometimes when a man is, is showing anger, it isn't necessarily that they're just angry, but sometimes When, when, if someone is sad, and of course, it's not just men, but a lot of times, you know, just in terms of the

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way in which we're raised. This is these these types of,

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you know, expectations are put upon upon the child, but just that a person might be might be sad, but because they don't feel that it's acceptable to show sadness. Instead, it comes out in anger, it comes out in frustration. A person might feel embarrassed, but again, it doesn't. It's not acceptable to show embarrassment and in a particular way, so it comes out as anger, and you'll find that pretty much anger is is the only emotion

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That ends up, you know, as the only expressed emotion for for a number of other other types of things. So so when we ask the question of what makes you cry, we should also ask the question what makes you angry, because a lot of times, there may be people who, who their their disappointment or their hurt is not coming out in their tears, but it's coming out in their anger. And so we should also look at that question. And, and, and this idea of dependency on on things other than Allah subhanaw taala is not only saved for women on the woman's radio station, we all as human beings, both men and women put our dependency on on the creation, it may not be on other people, but it may

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be for example, on our on our job, it may be on our career, it may be on our status, or it may be on our, how we appear to our to our community, how we appear to society, what's our image, and, you know, it may be that the feeling that one is in control, the feeling of financial stability, that these are things that we do that we also depend on, of the creation. And when those things are just like that chair that we sit on with all our weight, and then it breaks, those things also break. And you'll find that the response to that is very similar, it may not be that that the person cries, but maybe the person becomes angry. And and that's just a different type of expression of the same

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thing, I put my dependency on something other than a law, I put my dependency on the creation, and it led me down my job, let me down my career, let me down my, my status, it led me down the this my status symbols, maybe, you know that, that I'm very attached to certain status symbols, how I appear in front of society, power, you know, the need for power, the love of status, these kinds of things, when those things break, when those things break, when when my career isn't working out, or, you know, I'm not able to, to achieve the type of, I'm not able to produce as much as I had expected or, or is expected of me these things when they let us down, we also break inside, but it's manifested

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in a different way at times, sometimes through anger. And so that the same rule applies here. And you'll find that those things that also those things that make you angry most also, indeed are indications of false attachments or false dependencies that that we have. And just recently, I read this article about a man who,

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you know, it was actually two different stories. And they were both in the times Times of India. And one of the stories was about a woman who this was this was a couple years ago, a woman who was not able to, to give birth, and I think she had been trying for 19 years. And so what she did was she let herself on fire. And that's how she committed suicide. And it was because she was not able to conceive for 19 years. And in another story, there was a father, and he had tried a number of times, they were they were having some financial difficulty. And he had tried a number of times to dig down to try to get water from from they were they were having a drought and he was trying to dig down. So

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he put in a lot of investment into digging to get water. And he did it once and it didn't work. And he did it again and didn't work and and he did it a couple times. And each time it failed. And the last time after it failed. He he went he committed suicide. And and so you'll You know what, what are these stories? And how do we mean, these are very tragic stories, but what what is it that that's happening here? And what is it that we can reflect about in these stories, you'll find that these are these are attachments, these are things that we were that that a person became so dependent on that a person became so attached to, and when it broke when when it when it led when it

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left the person down, when the woman could not have children or the man could not support his family, financially or his career, he wasn't able to make the money he needed to make or he wasn't able to have a particular status, maybe in society, because of that money, that that when those things didn't work out, the person broke, they fell in a broken and it was there was no more reason or even the ability to go on with life. These are very tragic and real examples of in, of course, extreme examples, but they but they teach us a lesson of what happens when you put your full dependency on something other than the Creator. And you're seeking that to hold you up. And the

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reason why I give this example is because I don't want it to be you know, this is this is a woman's topic because it's about crying, right and this is about women and how they get too dependent on other people and this isn't my issue as a man and that's very untrue because as men

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Men have their own dependencies as well. And they have their own way of showing what happens to them when their dependencies fill them. And again, sometimes oftentimes it comes out in the form of anger, or it might come out in, in these, again, these tragic types of, of reactions, you know, you hear stories, and we've heard this in the news as well, of, of what happens, a family where the man was unemployed, and he wasn't able to find a job for many, many months. And he actually ended up not just killing himself, but but his his entire family. And this is, you know, this, these sort of this break that happens, and, you know, 100 lad, this is not something that happens, you know, commonly,

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but, but it is, it is an extreme example, of something that is very common, and that's, that we do put our dependencies on these things, and when they don't work out, we wouldn't necessarily go to the extreme of suicide and murder. However, it does cause internally, the person to, to maybe implode inside or to, or to break inside. And it's a it's a deep sort of despair that sometimes takes over. And, and, and a lack of self esteem. And sometimes our self esteem is really the what takes the biggest hit, because our self esteem is, is very much connected to these things to my position in in society or, or my career, or how much money I'm making, or whether or not I'm able,

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it's very painful to not be able to support your family, this is something that that is very painful. And, and but you know, is that something that that then debilitates the person, because that's what makes them feel that they are a full human being. And then and while this is, these are all things which matter, and these are all things that are important to us, as human beings, it's important to be able, it's very important to a woman to be able to, to bear children, it's important, you know, to to men to be able to support the family and be the, you know, protector and maintainers of their families as is their role. However, it again, it brings us back to our original

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purpose. These are things which matter to us. But ultimately, are these the things that we put all of our dependency on? And are these the things that really really define who we are? And the answer is they should not obviously what what should define us comes only from our purpose. And that purpose is oh boo they will Malak to general insulin Dr. Boone, we have not created gin in human beings except for one reason and that's to worship Allah subhana wa Tada. That should be my, my solid ground. You know, that's the ground that I'm that I'm standing on. And if I'm standing on that ground in my relationship with my Creator, then whatever breaks around me, it may make me sad

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because because that's human to be sad. Sometimes it's human to cry, it's it's human, to feel those emotions. But when I'm standing on solid ground, no matter what breaks around me, it doesn't break me. It doesn't break me internally. And that's the key. That internal strength comes only from Allah subhanho wa Taala La hawla wala quwata illa Billah there is no strength, and there is no power and no change in state except by Allah subhanaw taala. And that power, and that strength comes from nowhere else. It's not going to come from your career. It's not going to come from your status. It's not going to come from other people, or even from your children. You know if you are able to have

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children, but but it only comes from your relationship with Allah subhanaw taala alone. We are going to take another short break now. And returning we're going to look again at the questions in the chat box. When we return.

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Santa Monica, this is Yasmin Mujahid and you're listening to serenity streaming live on one legacy radio. We have a very interesting discussion going on in the chat box and some really great questions. I'm going to go ahead and some great answers to this question. I'm going to go ahead and read some of them. One of them says, I feel like crying when I think about a loss love I try and I try to forget about it and that person and I've become closer to God in the process of letting that person go. But sometimes my mind and thoughts stray and my neffs gets the best of me. What can I do? Well, this is you know, I think a lot of people can relate to this. And first that the the first

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aspect here that that I think should be reflected upon is what is making the person cry to begin with and the answer was reflecting about a lost love. Again, it's it was something that one gave themselves to me you know that going going to the creation empty.

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And when that's not filled, it creates a very, very painful implosion inside. And secondly, that that as this person got closer to God, that

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letting the person letting the the the last love or letting that person go has actually brought the individual closer to God. And this is this is something that we will be you know, it teaches us exactly that that sometimes these dependencies that we have on the creation are precisely what is veiling us from the Creator, see, the creation can be one of two things, the creation can either be a veil, which which, which keeps us away from the Creator, or the creation can be a means of vehicle to bring us near to the Creator. And the key is that we, we never allow the creation to be available, but always allow the creation to be a vehicle a means to bring us closer. And in this

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case, the the time when it becomes available when my dependency is on is on that the creation itself rather than on a loss of piano data. But then this person speaks about that, that then the thoughts come back once in a while. And is this the neffs? And the answer is yes, none of us are perfect. And there's, there's always that weakness, we all have an EFS and we all have, you know, shaitan is always trying to get get us all right, nobody's free of that. And so it is a battle but the more that one seeks refuge in Allah subhana wa Tada, that's how they become able to win in that battle. So it is a battle, no one is going to say that it's easy. And then it's, it's, you know, there's no

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struggle, otherwise we would already be in Jenna, but we're not we're not there. So it is a battle. It's an internal battle between the self, the neffs, and the heart and, and Allah subhanaw taala and shaitan there's, there's all these different forces, but the way in which we're going to overcome that battle is by seeking refuge in our relationship with Allah subhanaw taala.

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And, and also using the creation as a means, again, that these people, that that these things in our life, that the dunya itself is actually bringing me closer to a lie me using it, to bring me to Allah instead of using it to distract me from a law. Another comment says, I cry because I feel I'm absurd, and I feel I'm worthless, and not strong enough, I'm always defensive and cannot handle criticism, it makes me cry. Again, this is this is rooted in in our need for approval from the creation that we need the creation to, to say that we're okay. And if the creation says we're not okay, it breaks us. This goes back to where is my self worth defined where, who and what defines my

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self worth and my self esteem, the if it's anything other than my relationship with Allah, I'm always going to be broken in this way. I can't make these things dependent on anything which is in constant, we cannot make our self worth dependent on on the creation we cannot make our our self esteem or our happiness or sadness or these ultimate things should should only be the keys to these ultimate things should only be given to our Creator. And and you should be very, very careful about giving that power to to other than the creator by by giving that power away to the creation you have made yourself weak you have you have chosen to make yourself weak when you're sitting on that, that

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that tiny chair that cannot hold your weight you are choosing to make yourself fall. So you have to make the decision of where you're going to stand in isn't going to be solid ground. What you're holding on to is it solid Allah subhanaw taala says well My yoke full with the water yoke member left or other stem sakaiminato watching with coil and phenomena that the one who disbelieves and thought well you remember Allah and believes in Allah subhanaw taala called stem seca below in what in with ha, he has indeed held on to the the firm handhold that never breaks. That's the only handhold that never breaks. So it gives you an idea if you're getting very very defensive. Anytime

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someone says something, it shows you that you need to take a step back and figure out where is your self esteem really, what's what is defining your self worth and it should never be what people think it should only be where are you with your Creator.

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Another person writes, I get into trouble a lot with my family for being quote emotional. I don't even think am that bad but it hurts so much.

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lost that one.

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Went to the neck, we have handled so many. Okay, so

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But okay, so I don't think it's that bad. But it hurts so much more. It's not something that I am ashamed of being sensitive, but I just learned, I need to learn how to deal with it, how to control it, like you would control anger or anything else, I think this person makes a good point. The fact that this person is sensitive, is a double edged sword. It's something that it's one of those traits, being sensitive is actually a trait that can make you extremely strong and extremely powerful and extremely, you know, effective in your journey to Allah subhana wa tada without that sensitivity without a heart that feels the remembrance of Allah, that person will not be able to

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connect with their Creator. However, if that sensitivity is used in the wrong way, or if that that that sensitive heart is given to the wrong hands, then you have you can have a potentially, you know, big, very big problem. So the question here is, how are we using these traits that Allah has given us? These are gifts that Allah has given us, if Allah has made you sensitive, thank Allah subhanaw taala for making your sensitive, because Allah describes the believers as those who win the remembrance of Allah when they hear. Allah mentioned, what genetical Luba, whom their hearts are, feel that tremor, right that this moves the heart, if you're already naturally sensitive, then thank

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Allah subhanaw taala, for giving you that ability to be more moved potentially, by the remembrance of Allah. But be careful because that sensitivity if used in the wrong way, if used for the creation, if used, if basically thrown in the hands of the creation, then it no longer becomes a strength but becomes a weakness. And that's what we have to understand everything Allah has given us can either be a strength or a weakness, depending on how we use it. Even even the fact that Allah has given us an EFS can either be a strength or a weakness, which is something people would say, Well, how is that the fact that Allah has given us an EFS means that it will, if I'm obeying that

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neffs then it becomes a weakness. But if I am using that neffs as a means of seeking refuge in my Creator, because I know that there is no other refuge. You know, sometimes the fact that there is that neffs and the fact that there is that struggle, and the fact that there is that storm inside of me, is what is pushing me to seek refuge and to seek shelter. And had there not been that that inner battle and that inner storm, I might not have sought any refuge in Allah, I might have felt safe on my own. And so it's the neffs itself that that if if responded to properly actually pushes me closer to Allah subhana wa tada because of that battle, and I know that I can't do it on my own. I cannot

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seek refuge in my own self from my neffs because my next is my own self. I can't call the police to help me with my neffs right, I can't call it Ghostbusters. I can't call anybody else. There's nobody who can help me against my own knifes, but Allah subhana wa Tada. So this, again, is an example of something that Allah gives me that can either be a strength, or a weakness, depending on how I use it. And being sensitive is one of those things, absolutely one of those things, and thank Allah if your heart is easily moved, but make sure that you are never giving that heart to the wrong hands. And if you do give the that heart to the wrong hands, that's when you become weak, and that's when

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it becomes a weakness. So inshallah, it has to do with where you are using and how you are using those gifts of Allah subhanaw taala.

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And, and you know, Subhanallah there, there are many people who, who, you know, they haven't yet have been able to utilize the gifts that Allah subhanaw taala has given them in a way that is that is a means to get closer to him. You know, one person actually asked as well in the chat box, and this is this has to do with relationships, because we talked about not being too dependent on the creation. And yet this person asks a very, very natural question, how do we not be dependent or detached in a sense from those people who are nearest to us, without completely divorcing them? You know, for example, if it's our spouse, how do you detach from your spouse without divorcing them?

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And it's a it's a very, very good question. And this is where we we talk about the difference between dependency and kurata ion for example, or the difference between dependency and the coolness of the eyes. The difference between the air in my lungs and the coolness in

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My eyes, the difference between MOA de and Rama, love and mercy, and, you know, air food, you know, water, things that I need in order to survive. And the the problem that we face, oftentimes as both men and women, is that when we do enter into this relationship, we do not do it in the proper way, we do not have the proper balance, and we become too dependent on our spouses, we become too dependent on our children to fill us, we do not go to the creation full, and then enjoy the blessing of the creation, the coolness of the eyes, but we go to the creation empty, and we say, fill me now. And we go with empty hands and say, fill me we go to our friends, when we say I'm empty, fill me.

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And it's then that we always get hurt. And we always get disappointed, because it's very painful to go to someone or to someplace to fill you, when you're at your lowest place. And to come back empty handed, it's very, very painful. You want to be able to go and seek and and be filled. There's only one place where you can always seek and be filled. And that's a law, when you're when you're broken, or you're or you're really, really empty, and you go to Allah and you seek from him, he always fills you. But when you're empty, and you're broken, and you go to the creation to fill you, you only come back more empty. And that's where we have to start to learn. It isn't a problem with the creation,

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it isn't a problem with my friends. They're just bad friends, right? They're not there for me. And a lot of times, that's how we understand it. We we think that it's because that's a bad friend, that friend wasn't there for me when I needed them. And we don't realize that that's not what that friend was created to do that friend, yes, that friend can be a support for you, that spouse can be a support for you. But if you're putting all your weight on a chair that was not meant to hold you up, it's going to break and you cannot blame the chair, you cannot blame the chair, when you sat with your full weight on something that was intended to hold 10 pounds, and you put 150 pounds on it, you

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can't then turn and blame the chair, because it wasn't a good chair, or it wasn't strong enough. So we really cannot blame our friends or our spouses or these things, you know, the community, you know, the community isn't doing this for me or that for me, we can't blame those things. Because though that wasn't their intended purpose.

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Allah subhanaw taala has said that, that the only place the only handhold that never breaks is the handhold of Allah subhana wa tada and everything else is something that comes and goes. And this is the temporary nature of the creation. So in ads in in asking this question, you know, just to kind of bring it all back of what makes you cry or, or related, the related question of what makes you angry, it's getting at this, this inner dependencies that with these interdependencies that we have the deep attachments that we have. And so I hope that what we can do with these answers and and and looking internally and asking our own selves, what are those things that have the ability to break

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me again and again and again, or the ability to make me angry again and again and again, and be able to really, really understand Is it is it a problem of where I am putting my weight? Is it a problem of where I am I am depending? Or or you know? Because Because it isn't again, it isn't the it isn't the creation itself. That's that's faltering, but it's, it's it's doing what it was made to do, you know, a chair that can't hold your weight is breaking, because that's what it was made to do. It wasn't made to hold you up. So I hope that inshallah, that this, this was an opportunity for us to look inside, and to really, really examine, where is it that we are, you know, why are we going

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through these continuous cycles? Why do we continuously again and again, and it becomes sort of a repeated pattern in our life? And I think that a lot of it has to do with this very, very important question, Where is our ultimate attachment and where is my dependency, if we come back to Allah subhanaw taala and make a law, the place we go with our empty hands, the place we go with our, with our need, then we'll find a lot more stability, stability in our life, we'll find a lot more, you know, have an ability have the ability to to not go through these ups and downs, these constant ups and downs and drama, that unfortunately we sometimes end up falling into, and that's because Allah

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subhanaw taala is the only thing that's constant. I want to inshallah just and with a die asking Allah subhanaw taala to make it easy on all of those who are suffering all over the world. All of those who are crying, all of those who are broken

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We ask Allah subhanaw taala to to bring us closer to Him and to mend all of the hearts that are broken, all of the lives that are broken in sha Allah, you know, I will be, you know on this topic of mending the heart and reclaiming the heart. inshallah my book will be published coming up in the next week in sha Allah Allah. You can look out for it online, it's called reclaim your heart, and I will be posting as well how you can order I hope that inshallah This is something that can benefit others because it's something that I personally had to learn from experience and while experience I believe is one of the best teachers it's also one of the most painful teachers so I hope that

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inshallah there's there's benefit in something that that I can share from my own experience in order to help others not necessarily have to go through the same process that I did in order to learn it. According holy Heather was stuck for too long. He would come in Hello foreigner Rahim. wa salam o Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh