Spiritual First Aid – Taking Care of the Heart in a World That Neglects It

Yasmin Mogahed


Channel: Yasmin Mogahed

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And now without further ado, I present to you

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my rubbish, and somebody will certainly agree with me.

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Let me start by saying it's a pleasure to be here with you. It's always really nice to see people take time,

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out of their lives for things like this, I see these types of discussions as absolutely essential. Because we spend a lot of time focusing on taking care of our physical existence, we spend a lot of time worrying about our bodies, which is which is important. We spent a lot of time worrying about things like image and appearance, but not so much time is always spent on talking about the inner world and talking about our our spiritual needs. And so I think it's extremely important that we do take time for these things, and I appreciate you coming. And I and I asked the last panel data to put tofik in success and, and Baraka in our time. If I can, before I begin ask you for two favors,

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two requests. And that is that I ask that everyone in this room send an intention. And the reason I asked that I try to ask this, you know, whenever I speak to an audience, is that we're taught a few principles via loss of data. And that first principle is that matters are buying tension in them. And then in the app that all matters are by intention, what NEMA adequately admitted in Manoa, and that everyone will have the intent. And so intention is very important in everything that we do that we set a purpose of what of what we hope to gain. And the other reason that this is important is that we have to set goals, we have to know where we're going if we want to end up there, right? So a

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destination is very important, right? When you're going somewhere and you know, you take out your GPS, you need to know that address. If you're going to end up there, you need to be clear on where you want to go where you want to end up for you to actually end up there. So I want to ask you, you know, what do you what do you hope to gain? What do you hope to take home with you? Uh, why did you come You know, what do you what do you hope to What's your goal, and and set that very clear within yourself. And,

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you know, I'm assuming I have a mix of Muslims and maybe some non Muslims, but for those who are Muslim, I want to ask you to make dua that Allah subhanaw taala give you that which you came to get the lowest penalty to put but of a blessing and success in the time we have so that everyone who came to get something goes wrong with it. And then it actually is something that's beneficial. So if you can just take a few moments, just within yourselves and just do those two

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All right. Are we kind of good? Yes. Or not?

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Any more time? No, you're good. Okay.

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Cool. Can I ask if anyone wants to share what what their goal is or what they hope to gain? And if you don't, that's fine.

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Okay. I don't mean to reward just

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simple and powerful. Anyone else?

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Yes. get something out of this evening.

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Okay, excellent.

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Yes. For me, it's kind of like a reality check for checkpoint sometimes.

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Okay, so that boost. So reward boost learning more about the dean.

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Anyone else? Yes. I guess I noticed that fell on Mental Health Awareness Week and because I'm going to school for I guess Mental Health and Counseling. I realized I figured it would be really nice to come into my morning.

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Kind of get an Islamic perspective on that as well. Excellent. So the mental health aspect of spiritual well being Yes, I want to be more spiritual and less materialistic.

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That's a great goal, I want to be more spiritual and less materialistic. Okay, so these are all great intentions, and I hope that inshallah, that this can be a stepping stone in that direction. So, on that note, we live in a world, as many of you have alluded to that is quite

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distracting, and it can be quite materialistic. What does that mean? It means that there are basically two parts to our existence. One part is the physical or the seen world, the things that we can see, and feel and touch. And then we know that there is the unseen world, the things that we can see, we can't see the soul, we can't see the spiritual heart, we can't see God can't see angels, that there is an entire world that's unseen. And what often happens, and this is natural, because it's unseen, the unseen world gets sort of forgotten. And there's a lot of focus on the seen world. And in other words, the material world and materialistic aspect of our existence. Now, of course,

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with the type of world that we live in today, modern society, you see even more of that, because now there are so many different ways to be distracted, right? You can't just be right you have to constantly be plugged in, constantly be stimulated. There, there is an almost like, we have an epidemic addiction to our phones, and to social media, and, and all of these things have an impact on our spirituality and our mental health. And the reason for that is that the heart, the the spiritual heart, is much like the physical body. Now, the physical body has certain needs, right? To stay alive, to be healthy. And all of us we understand those needs, we understand, for example, that

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we have to breathe. Yeah. And I was sweating, because she was like, trying not to move I was thinking, don't breathe either.

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But but we have to breathe to stay alive, right? We know that our body needs oxygen. And we know what happens. If we're deprived of oxygen, even a child knows this, right? We know that we have to eat, we know that we have to keep ourselves purified physically, right? No one says I don't need to take a shower. Because I did that last September, right? Or last October.

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We constantly have to keep purifying our bodies, we take consistent showers, we know that there's certain things we have to do to protect our bodies, right? We know that when it's very cold outside, you have to put on a jacket, we know these things. But often what happens is that we don't really know how to take care of our hearts, we don't know how to take care of our souls. And the human being is not just the physical body, the human being is also heart and soul. And the physical. The spiritual part of the human being is just as important as the physical. And one could argue, that may be even more important, and I'll explain why. When you think about the physical body, and and

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and of course, we have to take care of our physical body because this is a trust from God. But when you think about the physical body,

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how long is it gonna? Is it gonna last? How long does your body last? How long does anyone's body last? Well, at most, maybe 100 years, right? Most people aren't going to live that long. What happens after 100 years to our physical body? Well, everyone knows whether they're Muslim or they're Christian or Jewish or agnostic or atheist knows that the physical body after 100 years disintegrates, right.

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But what happens to the soul? What happens to the spiritual aspect of the human being? Well, we believe that the spiritual part of the human being the soul does not disintegrate, the soul actually remains. So in something to reflect on that within myself, there's a part of me that's going to pass away, and there's a part of me that's going to remain everyone with me, which 1am I taking care of? Right? It's something to reflect on. Because the tragedy is that many of us, we take care of the part that's actually passing away, you know, you're gonna put it in and what's gonna be the return right investment in return. And, and when you think about that, it's not it's it's not wise to put

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it's not wise to invest in something where there's going to be no return or it's not wise to neglect

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It's something where there's gonna be, it's actually like extremely important return. And you're not, you're not careful about your investment. And what's what's, what's happening here is that we sort of live our lives in a way. That's, it's not very logical, because we put a lot of investment in temporary things. And we neglect things which are eternal. And so I want to just emphasize why this discussion is important, and why it's important that we focus on on the building of the heart and the end and the spiritual stuff.

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So what is what are we told in the hood, about the heart? Well, one of the lessons that were taught in the code and above the heart, is that when we return back to our Creator, what's going to benefit and what's going to matter isn't going to be the money that we made, it's not going to be how we look how our body looks like, it's not going to be how many followers we have on social media, it's going to be one thing, and that is the last guy that tells us,

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Yo, man, I am man whenever you win 1100 City. So when a lot talks about going back to the Creator, and he says, you know, there's this really beautiful to have Ibrahim and he said, Prophet Abraham. And he says, Well, after losing your mind, Russell, he said, do not disgrace me on the day whenever one is going to be brought back. And on that day, yo Malayan, foul man, whatever, the day when nothing will benefit anyone of wealth or children. Now, when you look at this, these two things, wealth, we know wealth, right? This is something we chase in this life, it's something that people feel powerful, and they have it.

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And children here is that is a it's sort of like a representation of power, you know, in the in at that time. So power, children wealth, these things are not going to benefit anyone what will in that mental law condensating, except for the one who returns back to God, with a heart that is sound. And this is what I want to talk about. What is click one city, what does it mean to have a healthy heart? And how does that relate to being having healthy

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spiritual and mental well being? How, what is what is? How does the heart relate to our mental health and our spiritual well being? And what does that mean? And then how do we get there? So what I want to do is I want to give you guys, two analogies. One is the analogy of a journey. And the other is the analogy of the body. So the first one is the analogy of the of a journey, when you guys are going on a trip.

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There's a few things that you need in that journey. So we've we've already kind of talked about the fact that we are on a journey.

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And it's a spiritual journey. It's a journey of our hearts back to our Creator. It's a journey of our soul. So on this journey, what do we need to be successful? Well, the first thing is when you're going somewhere, you need to go where and you need to know where you're going. How do you know which way to turn? How do you know which way to go? What do we typically use?

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GPS, right? We can't live without it.

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That is guidance. See, if I don't have guidance, if I don't have the address, and I don't have someone or a math telling me if I don't have my GPS or a map telling me which way to turn? I'm going to get lost Yes or no? Absolutely. And it's the same thing with this journey in life. If I don't have guidance, I get lost. I will not be able to find my way through this life, unless I have guidance. And the question becomes Where are we seeking guidance? So there's a lot of places that a person can look for, how they should act, what's their standard? These are things we have to ask ourselves, what's my source of guidance? What tells me how I live my life? What's my criteria of

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good and evil? What's what what tells me right from wrong? This is an essential question we have to ask. Because when we get confused about that, that's why we get lost. Because we know we don't have like a proper map. We're not even clear on what our map is right? Or, or our GPS isn't really working. And so we end up getting lost. So one very important question we have to ask ourselves is what's my criteria, what guides me and very and everyone has something different that guides them.

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One of the most common

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sort of

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I guides I'd say, in our modern modern society right now is our desires, our desires. So this is this phenomenon that whatever you feel, whatever you want, whatever you desire, whatever urges you have, obey them. You know the, you know, Sprite, right?

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Was what's right tell you to do obey your thirst good. Was 90 tell you to do

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do it great. Does anyone know what Pepsi tells you to do? link for now?

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Live for now and the always a Pepsi sign now. So there's a theme here, right? And that theme is obey your desires YOLO right?

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Live it up, right that's it got this life and that's it. So maximize pleasure. worship your desires. It's literally a type of worship. Because what is worship, essentially? Well worship isn't just praying. You don't worship is worship as defined for us is when you say semana Aparna, worship is we hear and we obey. That's what worship is. When you worship something, it's your master, right? You're a slave. So when Master says do, you hear and you will obey, you understand, that's what a slave is. So when your desire says do and you just say, I hear and I obey, you are a slave to your desires. And this is a very, very serious problem that we have in our society today. Because it's

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it's stuff down our throats, it's actually taught to us and forced upon us that you must obey your desires, that you must worship your desires that in fact, you are a slave to your desires. Realize that every single person takes some sort of master this master becomes what we enslave ourselves to, right even an atheist has a master unison. Even an agnostic has a man has a master has has something that they worship, not in prayer. But in obedience. You understand you become enslaved to your to this thing, whatever it happens to be, but everyone has a master in our Deen. This is called an elf. You know the word elf? Where have you heard this word before?

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In the Shahada, right? What's the Shahada? What makes you a Muslim? As shampoo? I bear witness and La ilaha illAllah? Wa. So you're saying, I bear witness that there's no enough except God. Okay, but everyone has an either every single person, whether you believe in God, or you don't you have any left, the left is that thing that you worship? It's the thing that determines how you live your life, why you live your life, what you obey, what's your master.

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So one of the most prevalent masters that especially we have right now, in our society, is the master of my own desire. We are actually told to worship our desires, if you feel it, do it, and what happens and you'll find this is what's gonna happen.

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Right and wrong. Right and wrong, you know, black and white, these things morality, becomes just based on what I'm feeling.

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If I feel it, then it's right.

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And if if I don't feel it, then it's wrong. So I become the source of right and wrong. And I'm sure you can, you can imagine how dangerous that would be. Is that whatever I mean, imagine a person

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who doesn't like their car. So they like their neighbor's car. So they desire that car. So does that mean it's okay to go take it? Right? You might, you might have a desire due to your anger to go beat someone up. But is it okay to do it just because you feel it? And the answer is no. But there is a huge

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there's a lot of confusion right now. There's a lot of confusion right now. And it stems in and it's rooted in this this particular issue. And that is if you feel a desire, if you feel an attraction, obey it. And just because you have that desire and you have that attraction, it immediately makes it okay.

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And that is essentially the problem. And it's a very deep rooted problem. And right now we're seeing the effects of that in various different spheres. Right? You guys know exactly what I'm talking about. Yeah. And the problem here is that we have to go back to ask, what are we worshipping? What's our elf? What is our inner? What makes something right and wrong?

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And is right and wrong above my desire?

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Or do I lose my desire, determine right and wrong? Understand

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this argument, this argument, that just because I feel an attraction to someone, that that becomes okay for me to obey that desire comes and it's rooted in this idea that I worship my own desire. Does that make sense? There has to be a higher morality of right and wrong. And that's the question you have to ask yourself, who determines it? Who determines your GPS? That's the question you have to ask. What what's guiding you in this journey? What's telling you turn right? No, don't turn left? No, that's the wrong way. No, make a U turn. And natural we have to ask and as believers we know that this is Allah is messenger. He gives us that guidance. Now, on this journey, we need guidance.

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Yeah. So that's very important. Where are we getting our guidance? The second thing we mean, is, when you're on a journey, you're gonna sometimes hit obstacles. Yeah, you're gonna hit potholes, you're gonna hit blocked roads, construction? What would happen if every time you made a wrong turn? Can you imagine driving? And every time you made a wrong turn, you said, you know what the GPS is? Like, you know what, you made a wrong turn, you might as well just pull over and give up. Just stop driving. Right? Just that's it. You You You may you know, you turn you missed your exit. So just just stop, pull over, turn off the car. Right, that doesn't that doesn't happen. What happens when

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you make a mistake when you're driving?

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What is what is the GPS do? reroutes you, okay, great. So that rerouting is extremely essential in life. When we make a wrong turn, when we make mistakes, and we will, we will falter, we will slip, we will make mistakes because it's part of being human. And if a person gives up, every time they make mistakes, it'll be like a person who just stops driving, every time they make a wrong turn, they're not going to ever end up at their destination. So one of the things we have to be able to do is have that ability to

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to reroute that ability to keep going even after we fall, even after we make a mistake, and to not lose hope. And to be able to go back and get back on the road. Does that make sense? So that's extremely important to is being able to handle our, our, our going off track and our mistakes. Now, what else do we have to do when we're driving, we have to be very conscious of what we focus on. Now, this is one of the mistakes we make. And this affects us spiritually. And this affects us psychologically.

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There's an important psychological principle that you have to remember. And that is that whatever you focus on grows,

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whatever you focus on, grows. So what does that mean in life, it means is that if you're a person who focuses on all the things that are going wrong, or all the things that are difficult, or the darkness or negativity, guess what happens? It grows, it surrounds you, if you're a problem focused person, you're always going to be anxious. And the reason for that is that whatever you focus on, it grows and it surrounds you.

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And on the other hand, if you're a person who focuses on positivity, if you're a person who focuses on what you have, it also grows and this is that Power of Now, you know, now in this this new age discussion, all about positive psychology, right? What is positive psychology about? Well, it's all about how do we improve our quality of life and, and increase well being and, and, and and develop, you know, flourishing and all these kinds of concepts. You know, what they found when they talk about happiness now, you know, because psychology is kind of taken like now they've moved away from

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From the traditional psychology now, positive psychology isn't as interested in looking at met as at disease, as it is just let's look at how we can just be happier people. There's a lot of research right now about, about increasing well being and, and being happier. And you know what they found one of the most powerful ways to just be a happier person. And and and to increase your well being is the power and the practice of gratitude. Why is that? Why is gratitude so powerful? I mean, they found in studies that keeping a simple gratitude journal, writing three to five things every day that you're grateful for, is so powerful that it can actually help treat depression.

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And it and this is just that simple shift in what you focus on. Because whatever you focus on, it grows. I always use this examples, like it's a simple but powerful example. So I saw this meme once.

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And that's always a

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scary way to start a sentence, I saw this meme once, where it was a picture of two of two pictures of this little boy.

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The top picture had a little boy who was holding one slice of cake. And he was really, really happy. Because he had a slice of cake, right? And then below him was another little boy holding an entire cake, missing one slice himself.

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So what's the difference between the two boys?

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Well, first, tell me who has more cake.

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The second one, the one who said, Yeah, he actually has more cake. But he said, Tell me why he said, and the other ones have.

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It simply focus. The difference between the two boys is what they chose to focus on. The one on the top chose to focus on what he had, he had a slice of cake. That was his focus on he was happy. That is the power that is the practice of gratitude. The one on the bottom had 13 slices, but he was missing one. And that one was the one he was focused on. And so he was sad. Do you see that? This is the power of focus. And what you focus on growth. If you focus on that thing that you have missing in your life, you will always feel poor.

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You'll feel deprived, you'll feel impoverished, even if you're rich.

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But if you focus on what you have, you will always feel rich, even if you don't have a lot. Does that make sense? And it's the power of focus. And so in any given situation, you choose what you focus on. And there's a very, very powerful principle that we're taught and

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how many people know what this means in the model.

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Enough, Austria, sir, yes.

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Okay, great. Oftentimes, people miss translate this verse. And they say that it means after hardship comes ease. You've heard that a lot, right?

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This a there's another area for average talks about after hardship, but this area says, in Malmo, susur, which means with an I'm going to emphasize the word with, with hardship comes ease. That's very, very, the width here is very important. Because what it indicates is this see a lot of people feel like life is kind of all bad, or all good. You ever fall into that? You feel like, you know what, I got good times, and I've got bad sides. Right? And right now is bad times.

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But that's actually a myth. It's not true. You never have all good or all bad. No one does. That's not the nature of the world. The nature of the world is that at every given moment, there is both good and bad, that at every given moment, there is both difficulty and ease at the same time. Yes, you may have challenges.

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But at the same exact moment that you have challenges, you also have blessings, blessings, don't like wait, you know what I mean? It's not it's never all bad. And so what happens is that what changes our experience is what we choose to focus on. When you think for a moment, just just think within yourself about the hardest time in your life. Maybe it's now maybe it was something else in the past if you if you reflect on that time. If you bring that to mind. It might have been extremely difficult, but at the same time, did you have health? Did you have safety? Did you have faith?

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Did you have, you know, wealth Did you have, you know, peace of mind there, there, there there, there was one thing in your life or maybe five things in your life that were difficult. But there were countless other blessings at the same time. And what happens is that what changes how we experience any moment is which which we use, which we choose to focus on, in man with the hardship is the ease. So am I going to choose to focus on a hardship or am I going to choose to focus on the ease, and this is actually transformational how what you choose to focus on in any given situation, because what you focus on grows, there's another powerful principle and that is that Allah subhanaw

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taala says, What is the

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lead in Chicago

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is the other powerful principle that if you are thankful, if you are grateful, Allah says, I will increase you.

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And now this is this is again, the power of gratitude is that when you're grateful for something, you get more,

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you know, the fastest way to

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increase your blessings, the best way to protect your blessings is to be grateful for that. And it works the other way around to, you know, the fastest way to lose a lesson. Anyone know?

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take it for granted.

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The fastest way to lose any good thing is to take it forever. And this works. The minister, this is a Divine Principle, this also works with human beings, isn't it? Right? When you take someone for granted, suppose someone is really, really kind to you really generous? And you just keep taking it for granted. What what ends up happening? Is that, does that increase that behavior or decrease it? When you take someone for granted? It decreases that that that good behavior, that good thing that you're taking for granted, it makes it decrease? Whereas when you show appreciation for someone who's kind or generous, what does that do to the behavior?

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Anyone increases it right? That's the best way to motivate behaviors to beat just appreciate it. And this is how it works as a Divine Principle. If we are thankful, we're grateful. A lot increases us. There's something else I want to point out about this. In my last video, so we said the first part I wanted to emphasize was the matter, right, the width, that they happen at the same time, don't ever think that things are all bad. They're never going to be all bad. It's impossible, because it's not the nature of dunya. It's not the nature of life, Allah always gives ease at the same time as hardship.

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The other point I want to make about these as in the model studios law, is that Allah subhanaw taala says, and this is this is linguistically its linguistic miracle. But it also gives us It gives us this meaning is that the word for difficulty is singular in this verse, so there's one difficulty and the word for ease is plural. So do you see the other lesson here is that it's not one to one. Okay? It isn't like God is giving you for every hardship, there's only one ease doesn't work like that. For every one hardship, there's plural, many eases and so our blessings are more than our hardships. Our ease is more than our difficulty.

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But, but if we shift our focus, to only looking at that one hardship, it'll look the other way around. To us, it will look like our difficulties more. And that's all has to do with focus. There's another point about focus that I want to emphasize. And that is, you are what you eat.

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You are what you eat physically, right? Right. If you eat really unhealthy food, you're gonna be really

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unhealthy. Okay, guys.

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If you eat healthy food, you're gonna be really, okay, great. Okay. So So principle we understand we our body is affected by what we intake, right?

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It's the same principle we're spiritually. You are what you eat spiritually. What does that mean? Everything you read, everything you look at everything you listen to, everything you talk about, is all input.

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Spiritual input,

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psychological input, all right. Realize that the body The human being is a system. And everything you put in it has an effect. And so what we focus on in our lives hasn't been

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impact on who we become internally. Does that make sense? What what happens to our hearts, what happens to our minds, it's affected by what we're taking in every single day. The things that we, you know, the people that we follow up on on social media, the things that we read the concerns that we have, what we watch, every single thing, every single one of these are pieces of data input that goes to the heart that goes to the soul. So what does that look like? Practically? I'll just give you an example. Okay, I'm a person who is only surrounded with material things, meaning

00:35:44--> 00:36:06

everything on their social media is about material things. Everyone around them just cares about external things. every conversation is about material things. Everything they read is about material things, everything they talk about his materials, everything they think about as materials, what do you think is going to be most important to that human be?

00:36:07--> 00:36:09

You guys are brilliant. Honestly, I don't know why I'm here.

00:36:11--> 00:36:27

It's simple. And that is essentially the issue. That is the problem. It's like, I don't want to be materialistic. Say, yeah, but everything around me everything that I read, let's just look at our newsfeed.

00:36:28--> 00:37:12

Let's just look at our newsfeed, right. You know, this is what I tell people. Think about your newsfeed, whatever do see that is, whoever it is that you're following whatever it is that you're looking at, right? In your feed every day. Think of that, like your fridge. That's your fridge. That's what you're going to eat that day. Okay, that's sure to eat that day. So whatever's on there, that's what you're taking in, isn't it? And so you have to ask yourself, what kind of food is it? How is it? Is it? Is it healthy? Is it something that's good for your mental health and psychological and spiritual health? Or is it a couple bottles of poison, you know, some moldy cheese

00:37:12--> 00:37:18

cake, you know, I'm saying, you have to ask yourself that these, these are the, if you want to, if you want to

00:37:19--> 00:37:41

work on your insights, you have to look at what you're putting in your insights. And that is really like, in the day and age that we live right now, your social media is a big part of that. Because that's what you're looking at every natural, that's what you're eating every single day. So one very simple way is to look at your newsfeed and just look at the quality of it.

00:37:42--> 00:37:52

Just Just take a look what's on there. For some people, it's a lot of really terrible bad news. You know, those bad news people

00:38:00--> 00:38:05

are gonna come and say, well, we need to know what's happening in the world. Yes, we do.

00:38:06--> 00:38:54

But it's actually quite problematic. When every single thing around you is really dark. And it can have an effect on you internally and psychologically, and you have to be careful. Because at the end of the day, at the end of the day, if all the lights turned off in this room, and it was really dark. Yes, there would be darkness and darkness is a fact. At that point. Yeah, it's dark. But the question I have for you is, if everyone took up their phone, and just posted and tweeted and snapchat in about how it was dark, didn't change anything about the darkness? Like did anything change? Yes or no. But we all talked about it. We all wrote about it. We all told everyone, we sat

00:38:54--> 00:38:57

and talked amongst ourselves, you know, what's really dark in here?

00:38:58--> 00:39:46

It's really not, you know, the lights turned off. Did you know and everyone's just talking about impulse. But we haven't actually done anything to change that situation as we wouldn't it be more beneficial if someone went got a candle or a light to change that situation. And I think sometimes what happens is, when things are dark around us, we tend to sort of get lost in it. Maybe just talking about it, posting about it, reading about it. But what ends up happening when you were just sort of focusing on every single hate crime that happened. I'll tell you the first thing that happened. The first thing is that within your own psyche, you you have exaggerated the problem.

00:39:47--> 00:39:59

Meaning I'll tell you the problem might have been this big like on a larger scale, but your focus on it actually made it look bigger than it is. So now you're afraid to leave your house or you're afraid to where you're headed.

00:40:00--> 00:40:25

Or you will now you're now you're so scared, you want to take off your hijab, or wear a baseball hat and stuff, right? So my point is that that happened, why it happened because your your focus on it made it actually it grew it more than it is in real life. And that's what happens is that what you focus on grows. And so you have to be very careful

00:40:26--> 00:40:58

to find that balance between wanting to contribute and wanting to be aware, and getting sort of lost in darkness getting lost in really negative things, because it will have an effect on you both spiritually and psychologically. So that's something that that I you know, when it when I talk about focus, there's that aspect. The other aspect is just like I said, your newsfeed. So there's the very negative one, there's also the one where it's just like,

00:40:59--> 00:41:01

burgers, and

00:41:02--> 00:41:07

every other thing is like, it's like, there's this strange

00:41:09--> 00:41:16

rule now that you can't eat until you first take a photo and post it, of what you're about to eat. Right.

00:41:17--> 00:41:26

And so, like, your whole newsfeed is just burgers, and what people are eating for lunch and breakfast, and, and that's all cool. But the question becomes,

00:41:28--> 00:41:47

when, when you're when what you're taking in? Is, is is it healthy? Is it something that's enriching you? And that's the least of the problems, I think one of the other issues that we have is that we live in a world now that is increasingly obsessed with appearances.

00:41:48--> 00:41:53

Like, like obsessed capital, right? Anyone feel me?

00:41:54--> 00:42:29

Um, we're obsessed with appearances. We're obsessed with a certain image of perfection, right? You have to be perfect, you have to look perfect. Your life needs to be perfect, your relationship needs to be perfect, your skin needs to be perfect. And if it isn't, there's a filter for it. Right. And, and, and the idea here is that we are so we're so caught up in appearing perfect, and that we're so caught up in, in looking at other people putting on their photoshopped life.

00:42:30--> 00:42:43

You know, that this one of the problems with doing this is that it creates a sense within ourselves. Number one is it becomes because we're so focused on appearances,

00:42:44--> 00:43:34

this becomes the most important thing to us. You know, if you want to change what matters most to you, change what you're looking at reading following every single day. Because what you focus on rows, and remember, you are what you eat. So if every single thing that you're following is just about looks, it's every various ways to control your face. And oh, it's there's lots of ways, right? And then and then every way to do your hijab, that's cool. But if that's it, you know what I'm saying? If it's just fashion, and it's just, you know, different ways to do your face, and different, you know, what's now what's in style, okay, what's that sounds that so yesterday, now,

00:43:34--> 00:43:47

this isn't silent it and that's it, then what happens is that shifts your priority. So within your own heart that becomes most important. And you know what happens after that.

00:43:48--> 00:43:51

That's why we live now in a world where

00:43:52--> 00:44:42

people are more and more dissatisfied, and people are more and more insecure. And that's because there's this, this intense amount of pressure, that you have to look a certain way you have to dress a certain way you have to appear a certain way. And if you don't, you constantly feel inadequate. So this is also affecting us psychologically and spiritually, because what matters most isn't the appearances. But I'm telling you on a practical level, when you change what you what you're looking at and reading and interacting with every single day, your focus changes and internally change. So so this is why one like exercise one one practical thing you can do is

00:44:44--> 00:44:47

I don't know use this like amazing thing called unfollow.

00:44:49--> 00:44:52

And what that does, no one has to know.

00:44:53--> 00:44:59

Just Just clean out your fridge. Just Just look at your fridge and just clean it out and say you know what? Maybe this isn't that healthy.

00:45:00--> 00:45:21

You know, I mean, I know what's important with the Kardashians are doing but maybe I don't need to follow it. And, and and maybe I can I can put more healthy food in my fridge, something that will actually enrich me that will that will teach you that will help me develop myself internally. Okay? Does that make sense? Okay, cool.

00:45:23--> 00:45:30

Now, here's the the other part I want to talk about. And that is, when when we go through this journey,

00:45:32--> 00:45:37

there's going to be times when we get hurt, there's going to be times when we face

00:45:39--> 00:46:22

You know, a lot of obstacles, there's going to be storms in our lives, we're going to have to be able to know how to handle that. One thing that happens is that I think we generally live in a world where we know kind of how to take care of our bodies. You know, when when we get hurt, we know that we go to the doctor, we know, if you get you know, if you get cut, you have to clean the wound. And there's there's like a, there's a process we know how to you know how to know how to do. But I think I think emotionally we don't have those skills. We don't we don't, we're not really equipped with what I call emotional First Aid, or what, you know, psychologists call emotional first aid. And that

00:46:22--> 00:46:33

is how do I deal with the pain in my life? How do I deal with the challenges? How do I deal with stress, chronic stress? How would you just been a student? Right?

00:46:34--> 00:46:42

I don't I don't think we have this emotional first aid. And I would add to that spiritual first aid, I'm just going to kind of put those together.

00:46:44--> 00:46:46

Let me let me just say this.

00:46:47--> 00:46:53

And I want to summarize so that I can open up for for, for for discussion and questions.

00:46:54--> 00:47:23

I said, I'm going to give you two analogies, the journey and the body. And I want to just bring it back full circle to the beginning when I talked about the heart being like the body and you have certain things that you have to take care of it. And there's going to be certain things that you have to do when it when you get injured physically. And it works exactly the same way spiritually and emotionally. Okay. First, I want to just talk briefly about taking care of the heart and then I'm talking about healing quickly.

00:47:25--> 00:47:29

We need oxygen to stay alive. Yeah, everyone agreed. You don't see too short.

00:47:31--> 00:47:33

You're good. Okay.

00:47:35--> 00:47:51

Spiritually, they also need oxygen. And what what I have come to know, from, you know, various, you know, research and study. If you look at the core and you look at the Sunnah

00:47:52--> 00:48:20

and all the stories that were given and all the text, what if what what we you can come out with is that the spiritual oxygen is the prayer is the sola. sola or prayer is what connects us to Allah Subhana Allah and what literally oxygenates our hearts, if a person doesn't pray, it's like a pursuit as a brief. And so when we talk about spiritual well being, and this spiritual, like,

00:48:22--> 00:49:02

you know, first aid kit, the first thing that we have to have and that is prayer, just like I can't talk to you about taking care of your body, if you're not breathing, right? It would be pretty, that would be pretty weird. If I sat up here and I was like, okay, we're gonna work out we're going to eat, you know, raw, organic, and none of your breathing. Right? I've, I've missed something important in talking about well being, if I'm not telling you, you have to breathe By the way, before we do talking about anything else. You got to breathe to stay alive. And this is how it works virtually I I can't talk about spiritual well being without talking about spiritual oxygen first,

00:49:02--> 00:49:48

and that's the prayer. And you know, the the salaah went when alesco the ITA prescribed Salah. And by the way, the prescription of sola was done in a very unique way, unlike any of the other commandments, unlike any of the other pillars unlike any of the other things that were given to the prophets I send them the command to pray was given in Israel in the Mirage, which means that like the rest of the commandments came down to the Prophet peace be upon him through Angel gap, right? But for Salaam, Allah subhanaw taala brought the Prophet up to the heavens. Like the even the way in which Salah was was given to the prophet Isaiah was was unique, was a very special and that was when

00:49:48--> 00:49:59

the Prophet said it was ascended to the heavens. And that is when Allah subhanaw taala gave the commandment of Salaam Salaam is the first thing we're asked about on the day of judgment and the prophets. I sent him

00:50:00--> 00:50:39

That if it's if our Salah is in order, then everything that person will be successful. And if it's not the person will have failed. And Africa Salaam is the that essential oxygen that we need just to stay alive spiritually. The other thing about Salaam to keep in mind is, you know when a doctor gives you a prescription, and suppose a person is very ill, and they need this medicine to stay alive, right? And the medicines given at particular times, right? The doctor says you have to take it in the morning and then take it again at noon and then take it again. And if this medicine is keeping you alive, you're probably going to take it as prescribed, right? No one's gonna be like,

00:50:39--> 00:50:50

Well, you know, today I have an exam. So I'll skip three doses. Right? Or, or better yet. I'm studying for finals this week. So I'll breathe next week. Right busy.

00:50:52--> 00:51:25

If we don't do that, we know we have to breathe stay alive. We know we have to take the medicine as its prescribed in order to continue to be healthy. And this is how it works. So the spiritual prescription of slaw is that is a law. And he's high above any analogy of a doctor. He knows and he knows what he's doing when he commands and when he gave us that prescription at specific time. So stick to taking that medicine and taking enough time breathing to stay alive regardless. One other thing that happens is this is sometimes when we feel low.

00:51:27--> 00:51:40

We we sometimes want to give up, especially the salon, like you know what I don't feel like it, I just I can't I can't pray, I'm just I'm really having a low period. That's like a person who says you know what,

00:51:41--> 00:51:46

I'm feeling a little bit sick, like maybe you have the flu. So I'm going to stop breathing.

00:51:48--> 00:52:26

That's the same thing to say, to say that you know what, because I'm sick right now I'll stop breathing. And once I feel better, I'll start breathing again. You guys understand the logic or the logic, if you understand. It's that oxygen that's going to help you to actually get better, even if you're feeling sick. And that's what happens with prayer is that if we give up our prayer, because we're feeling down, we'll only get more now. It's not if we continue to breathe, and we continue to take that oxygen that eventually will come back up. And this is I think one of the most important parts of the spiritual.

00:52:28--> 00:53:13

Like, like first aid kit, is that no matter what you got to breathe, you guys understand, no matter what you have, you need oxygen, right? It's like a non negotiable for any of us. It doesn't matter how busy we are, it doesn't matter how, how how upset we are, we keep breathing, right. And that's how it works was slow. And if a person really does that, and really commits to their salon to their prayer, then our ups and downs of life, they don't destroy us. They don't they don't destroy us. We we as we go through ups and downs. But eventually we come back up, I'll tell you the way that a person comes down and then just keeps going down, is when they give up their spiritual oxygen.

00:53:13--> 00:54:02

That's why people hit what we would call rock bottom is that it has to do with letting go of that part of of what's keeping your heart alive and keeping it healthy. So the first thing, the second thing I recommend in this in this toolkit, right in this emotional or spiritual toolkit is the car. And what when I say us God, there are prayers that the Prophet so I said and you say throughout his day, and like we all have busy days, right? So what I mean nowadays, there's like apps for dogs, right? One of the ones that I found to be really good is called my dot spelled ny DEA you a, how many of you have ever heard of fortress of a Muslim? This collection? Most of you have, right? It's

00:54:02--> 00:54:49

just the collection of the supplications of the Prophet peace be upon him. And for and what it is it is just organized when for every single walk of life. there's a there's a prayer. Why is this important? Now this may seem like Well, what's the big deal? The reason this is important, is what it does is it focuses the heart, on God on Allah subhanaw taala, even while the body is going through the mundane, does that make sense? So you're you're leaving your house, you're starting to drive, you're traveling, you're eating. there's a there's a prayer for everything. So what that does is it It allows us to be taking care of our spirituality even while we're taking care of our worldly

00:54:49--> 00:54:50


00:54:51--> 00:54:59

Because at the end of the day, we're not taught to just be monks and pull away from society and spirituality in a sense

00:55:00--> 00:55:45

You have to go to a cave, right? spirituality were taught by the prophets I sent him, that spirituality is something that you can do within your life, while you're in school while you're married, while you're a doctor, while you're a parent, you understand. It's not about leaving the world. It's not about leaving the world. And this is something that, you know, one of one of you have mentioned is that wanting to be less materialistic and more spiritual, you know, a person can be surrounded with money and still not be attached to it. So a person can continue to live. And, and, and be able the prophets I seldom use. He's to play every role, right? He was he was married,

00:55:45--> 00:56:27

he had children. It was a leader, he had friends and companions. He was involved in worldly life. But internally, he was connected to God. And how does that happen? Practically? That's a concept, right? That's theoretical. How does that happen? Practically, it's through these of God. That's how you go from point A to point B, that you're in your life, but you're but internally, you're connected to God. So it's not about leaving the world, but about being spiritual within the world. And that's what the court does practically. So if you download this app, this is the thing about it is that there's a supplication for everything. You know, you're studying for an exam, you're going

00:56:27--> 00:57:07

through a difficult time, you're afraid you're having a lot of anxiety about something, you know, just just going through your daily life, there's a supplication for everything, even intimacy, there's a supplication. So what it teaches us is that everything in this life can actually bring us closer to Allah if we do it in the right way. And remember him, so the the of God. And then finally, the third part is connecting our hearts to the heart and the words of Allah smile, because we're told that it's actually cure. Allah says she felt that the end is a cure, she found the Memphis board for what is in the hearts, what is in the chest.

00:57:09--> 00:57:18

And then finally, so these are the kind of the three maintenance part and then finally, is just the the emotional well being of healing and that is this.

00:57:20--> 00:57:44

This is a bigger discussion, like it is own discussion. But to summarize, we, we have to find a balance between two extremes. One extreme is when a person, imagine a person gets a gunshot wound, right, they get hurt. And they just take a bandaid, cover it up and say, good.

00:57:46--> 00:57:49

What's gonna happen to that wound? Anyone?

00:57:51--> 00:58:10

It's gonna actually get infected. Yeah. And then over time, that infection might grow so much that this person either will need to amputate or they can actually die via infection. Now, why is that? It's because you know, but But wait, doesn't time heal all wounds? Someone tell me why not?

00:58:12--> 00:58:15

What, you know, this cliche, Time heals all wounds.

00:58:16--> 00:58:20

In this case, why didn't time heal the gunshot wound?

00:58:22--> 00:59:06

It wasn't treated. Thank you. It was just covered up. And this is what happens emotionally, and psychologically is that sometimes when we're in pain, we go through through a painful experience, we go through trauma. And our way of dealing with it is just to cover it up. Right? Just know that right? You can keep taking that painkiller, but it hasn't addressed the actual infection. And that's one of the biggest mistakes that we make. It doesn't make it go away. It actually makes it worse. And in this case, time is not human that wound is making it worse. And that's because it wasn't treated. How do you treat these ones? Well, that's that's another process. Sometimes it involves

00:59:06--> 00:59:51

getting mental health, you know, getting getting counseling, sometimes involve with the doctor. But what is that process? You have to go through that process? And whether you go to a doctor or you go for counseling, one essential part of healing is going to God is going to almost none of that because one of the attributes of Allah is a sheffy. He's the healer. And even if you go to a doctor, the doctor is a tool. Allah is the healer. Does that make sense? So it was ultimately the one who heals, but we go to doctors and we're told to take these means going to a counselor going for therapy. But Allah is ultimately the healer. So always going back to a lot.

00:59:53--> 01:00:00

The other extreme, so we said one extreme is to cover it up the other extreme is what actually

01:00:00--> 01:00:01

called picking the scab.

01:00:02--> 01:00:13

And this is another mistake that sometimes we make, and that is that we, we don't allow things to heal because we keep picking at it. Anyone have picking scab problems?

01:00:15--> 01:01:00

I would know anyone knows that. Okay, I have a major problem with picking scabs. But basically what happened to picking a scab in a physical body is that your body is naturally healing itself and it makes a scab, right? Assuming you've treated it, and it's not infected. Now it's scabs over. But what happens if you keep picking it? What happens to the healing process? What have you done, you keep stopping the healing process, you're actually slowing down the healing. You're pausing the healing, every time you pick a scab. And sometimes we do this psychologically, we do this emotionally. And there's various ways that we do this. But one of it, one of the ways is that we get

01:01:00--> 01:01:01

stuck in the past.

01:01:03--> 01:01:05

We get stuck in the past, what does that mean?

01:01:07--> 01:01:16

The past, you know, there's this quote, and, and I read once it says the past is a place of reference, not a place of residence.

01:01:17--> 01:01:34

Yeah, the past is a place of reference, not a place of residence. If you make your past the place of residence, that's picking the scab, you're not allowing, you're not allowing that natural process of moving forward. And healing.

01:01:36--> 01:01:43

Because you keep picking at it. It's like the person who's driving, you know, when you're driving, and you have to look forward, right?

01:01:44--> 01:01:45

Not sure.

01:01:47--> 01:01:59

Forward, right. And probably don't drive a lot around here, right? they'll walk everywhere. But when you drive, you got to look forward. But there's also this thing called a rearview mirror, right? What's the purpose of a rearview mirror?

01:02:01--> 01:02:09

To give you an idea what's behind you, right? But what would happen if someone stopped looking forward and just fixated on the rearview?

01:02:10--> 01:02:48

You would crash? Man, you guys are amazing. So this is the problem in life. Yeah, you're moving forward. So you need to look forward. Yes, you reference the rearview. But if you stay fixated on the past, you will crash. And that's one of the other mistakes that we make, we have to have that that middle ground, I wouldn't call it you have to go in over the Rockies on a globe. We have the shadow lenses of third world who like I want to pause there and open it up for questions or reflections or whatever you want to say.

01:02:49--> 01:02:50

Or ask.

01:02:53--> 01:02:54

Don't all speak at once?

01:02:56--> 01:02:59

Yes, the beginning you said we all had a new Yes.

01:03:01--> 01:03:01

To this material.

01:03:08--> 01:03:18

Okay, so her question is when I said that we all have any bad times get sucked into these materialistic desires? Does that mean we're commanding ship? It's a form of ship?

01:03:19--> 01:04:00

Well, it okay. So technically, technically. There should have been and should the Muslim right there's there's major ship? Oh, by the way, let me define ship. ship is associating a partner with God. Right? Yes, there's major ship, which is to pray to other than God to say God has a partner, a son, a father. But then there's also minor ship? Yes. When we are that we commit minor ship is for example, yeah. Like showing off praying, not for God. But so people will look at us and say, Wow, that person is so holy. So that's a type of minor ship. Now in terms of taking another Yeah, yeah. It's, it's like,

01:04:02--> 01:04:48

within the heart. There's, there's like, there's like a core part of the heart. And it's something I talked about in both of my books, because it's an essential part of understanding why we do what we do, and why we actually experienced pain. This is another thing in talking about pain, like pain is a part of life, right? But there is like, a really, really deep type of pain both emotionally, psychologically and spiritually, that comes out of putting something other than God at the core of our hearts. That's like deep, but we don't have a lot of time to discuss it more about putting something other than God at the core of our hearts. And in other words, that's taking something

01:04:48--> 01:04:58

other than goddess and Isla, and some people do that with money. Some people do that with their desires. Some people do that with another human being. Laughter Romeo Juliet

01:05:00--> 01:05:02

Why did they end up committing suicide?

01:05:03--> 01:05:26

It's because there was a title. It's like, almost like you're the totally other as an elf. And when you take someone and you put them at that place where only God should be, it causes, like destruction, terminally, it's very painful. And so yes, definitely, it is a type of

01:05:27--> 01:05:57

schicken love, for example, and Allah says a knucklehead woman and nasty Vega, who have been duly elected, and then you have monaka hoping that there are people who take rivals with God. So it is like, why they love them position only love God. So there is definitely this rivalry that happens with love. And a lot of times it can, it can be our career, it can be our money, it can be our child, you know, I talk about this, this idea of like,

01:05:59--> 01:06:38

a lot of cultures actually teach women to take their children and put the child at the center of their life and then do the walk around them. You know, like, like, just revolve their existence around this child. And then we're told this is called being a good mother. But it's unhealthy. And it's, it's an imbalance, because only God should be at the center. And when God's at the center, then then you can have everything in its proper place. But when you put something else there, whether that's money, or its power, oh my god, so many borscht power, right? I mean, look at what's happening in the world. It's just because of the worship of power of worship of money, that it

01:06:38--> 01:06:43

causes immense destruction when you put something else at the center and you worship it.

01:06:46--> 01:06:46


01:06:49--> 01:07:06

Tell when that's happening, especially with like family, relationships, and so forth. So what would you say is a really good way to kind of look at that and say, Okay, my focus is too much that way, especially with parents.

01:07:11--> 01:07:17

We're supposed to treat them a certain way and put them above all else, but at the same time, they shouldn't be the center of

01:07:20--> 01:08:02

that bounce. Yeah. So just repeat your question. For those of you here, she's saying it's really hard to sometimes tell like, it's subtle, that she gave the example of putting something else at the center? And and how do you keep that balance? And she gave example, parents, for example, that were told to love her parents and to put them, you know, give them respect, but how do we not cross the line? And keep that balance with it? We're not revolving around them. And that's a really, really important question. And it's, by the way, is the same thing with our children, it's the same thing with our spouse, you know, any, any, anything that you love becomes a test for you. Right? And and

01:08:02--> 01:08:49

this is when we have to find the proper balance. But how do you know what that is? Well, there's, there's ways to keep that proper balance. And there's signs that you don't have that proper balance. And I'll just tell you that one of the signs of that you don't have that proper balance is extreme pain, actually. And that's the thing about pain is that God gives us pain. Yes. But pain serves a purpose. There's a times we're just so interested in numbing pain, but we don't go in and actually ask the pain. what's the what's it trying to tell us? Because pain always is, is a messenger. You know, like, for example, if you had a heart problem, if you had a heart problem, what would indicate

01:08:49--> 01:09:30

that you had a heart problem? How would you know you can't look inside your heart and you know, look in the mirror and see your arteries? Right. So how do you know that you have a heart problem? Anyone? chest pain, right? It's pain. And once you feel that chest pain, you you realize, Oh, I didn't see it after. But if you didn't feel that pain, you wouldn't know. Am I right? So pain is also an indicator to you that, hey, there's something you have to change. When you have an infection. How do you know you have an infection? Can you feel pain, you just pop a pill, like a painkiller. So you have heart heart pain, you have chest pain, and you just know that you have an

01:09:30--> 01:09:57

infection and you just keep taking, you know, Advil, and that and that's it. What what's going to happen? You know, there's actually a story I read, it was like a news article years ago about a dude who had tooth pain. And he went to the doctor, and the doctor told him that you have an infection. And he prescribed two medications. He prescribed a painkiller, and he prescribed an antibiotic, right? But the guy couldn't afford both. So which one do you think you picked?

01:09:58--> 01:09:59

That's right, the painkiller.

01:10:00--> 01:10:18

As we do, and you know, what happened to his infection is it spread to his brain and he died with the infection. So I thought that was really, you know, really like telling that this is what we do, we know the pain, but we don't go and try to address the cause. Okay, so sometimes

01:10:20--> 01:10:32

when we're experiencing this excruciating, consistent pain in some department in our life, it's usually a sign that there's something internally we have to change.

01:10:33--> 01:11:16

Okay, there's something maybe that's unhealthy in the attachment, that maybe this thing has been put in a place that it shouldn't be, you know, when you're when your career or when your business is keeping you up at night, and giving you so much anxiety that you need to take medicine and you can't sleep and you can and you're just, it's like torturing you. That's a sign that you've made your business to porn, you understand money, when you're, you can't sleep at night, because you're so worried about how much you're making or losing, then it becomes an obsession, that's a sign that it's, you've made it to important, you've made money, you've put money at the center. And if you put

01:11:16--> 01:11:48

money into centers gonna torture you and be tortured by money. If you put your career at the center, and I warn you, I mean, y'all are there's a roomful of people building a career, right. But if you put your career at the center of your existence, if you put it at the center, and a place that it really should be in your career will torture you. And it works the same way with your parents were the same way as your children with your spouse or anything. And so one of the indicators really is this is that it becomes a source of torture for you.

01:11:49--> 01:12:06

You can't you don't have peace, you don't have peace here, you don't have peace here because of that thing. And that's because you've you've put it in the wrong compartment in the heart. And and you know, parents some one other thing I want to say is another indicator is

01:12:08--> 01:12:21

if you're willing to do something that is forbidden by God, for the sake of this thing, then that's another good indication that it's in the wrong compartment. Does that make sense?

01:12:22--> 01:12:27

I'll give you an example. You know, maybe some parents, they're like, really empty job.

01:12:28--> 01:12:47

And, and it's kind of like, you're now put in this predicament, or maybe a spouse, you're now put in this predicament where, but you know, in order to please my parents, I need to take off my hijab or not wear it, or in order to please the person I'm marrying. They don't like hijab, right? I mean, I've heard so many weird stories about

01:12:48--> 01:13:30

proposals where like, the first question is, you know, it's like, oh, she wears hijab forget that, like weird stuff like that, like, rejecting someone for marriage, because they wear hijab, or something like that. And so some people will be pressured to take it off. Why so they can get married, you know, I mean, or their parents pressure them. It's just an example. And so when you're or, or even, even if you look at money, right, or status, like there's so much pressure to maybe appear a certain way, like you want to have a certain type of house, you want to drive a certain type of car, even if it if it involves deliver, if it involves usury, and it all tends to involve a

01:13:30--> 01:14:14

lot of that, right? So then the question becomes what's most important to me? Is it just so people can look at me and say, Look at the car that they're driving, or look at that house, and then I don't really care that I'm taking interest in order to get that. So the choices that I make, that tells me a lot about what's in my heart, you know, so if I'm willing to break the rules of God for the sake of this thing, then that shows me that this thing is actually like an lafree. You know, and sometimes that happens in career, right? You got to sell alcohol, or you got to, you know, to make more money. No, that shows me that that actually, money is at the center, because I'm willing to

01:14:14--> 01:14:28

sell alcohol, I'm willing to get involved with with the river, I'm willing to do anything, even if it's wrong, for the sake of money for the sake of my career, or for the sake of my parents. So that's another indicator.

01:14:29--> 01:14:31

And then finally, I'll just give one last example.

01:14:33--> 01:15:00

Sometimes when we become so and I mentioned this before, so obsessed with how we look, and like what society deems as beautiful. I'm also willing to do things which are wrong in order to fit that standard that we address, right? Because society is going to come and society keeps changing. Its standard of beauty, right? So one day society is going to compensate this is beautiful, right? This is how you're going to

01:15:00--> 01:15:30

Good. But then tomorrow, it'll change right? Now sometimes that standard is going to be in contradiction. To what? To God's standard? Yes, no, it does, right? Sometimes a standard of dress of what's considered fashionable, or what's considered beautiful by society is going to be complete opposition or complete the opposite to what Allah says is beautiful and how we stress. So now faced with a choice, right? Which one do I make?

01:15:31--> 01:15:50

That that gives me an indicator like a practical indicator of what what is really at the core of my heart. And and if it's fashion, then I'm always going to obey fashion or fashion and say anything he or she wants to, and I will obey it. There is a lot of semana will autonomy when it comes to fashion.

01:15:51--> 01:15:56

There is a lot of we hear and we obey when it comes to fashion. I won't even get into skinny jeans, but

01:15:59--> 01:16:00


01:16:06--> 01:16:07


01:16:18--> 01:16:50

Okay, great question. And, and and to reiterate, yes. When you focus on your past, you can crash and and and to, to reiterate or to In other words, when you fixate on your past. So the past is a place of reference, not a place of residence. What What do we what should we gain from our past, we shouldn't be lessons. It's very, very important. I mean, we're not going to grow if we don't learn from our mistakes, right? We're not going to grow if we don't learn from our past experiences. But the problem is getting fixated gets stuck. So how do you prevent that?

01:16:51--> 01:16:57

I think one of the most, one of the important ways to prevent that is to forgive ourselves.

01:16:58--> 01:17:36

One of the problems we have is self compassion. You know, a lot of us are so hard on ourselves. And we have very little compassion for ourselves. You know, you can you can, you can have compassion for everyone else, right? Your friend comes to you and says, You know what, I really messed up. I made this big mistake. I did this, this thing is terrible. How do you respond to your friend? Most of you would probably not say, you good for nothing useless piece of you don't talk that way to your friend, right? I hope anyone, right?

01:17:38--> 01:17:38


01:17:40--> 01:17:51

You probably won't have a relationship anymore. Okay. There's a certain way that you respond. When your friend comes to you with a mistake that they made, right?

01:17:52--> 01:18:07

You're probably going to be like, you know, what, everyone makes mistakes. You have to, you have to just move forward, you know, make amends, and you're gonna be like, encouraging, you're gonna have this thing called compassion, I assume. Right?

01:18:10--> 01:18:35

Yeah, okay. Well, what happens when you make a mistake? How do you talk to yourself? How do you treat yourself when you make a mistake? So something in your past that you did wrong, or something in your past that hurt you? Do you give yourself the same compassion? That's important. We have to learn self compassion. So being able to forgive yourself for not being perfect.

01:18:37--> 01:19:21

Because no one is. No one's perfect. So allowing yourself to be human, and having compassion for yourself forgiving yourself. And of course, if you make a mistake, ask for forgiveness. But also forgive yourself, because that's one of the things that holds us back. One of the things that holds us back is we hold ourselves to, to this dislike superhuman level of of perfection. And when we don't reach that, we won't reach that because we're human. It's like, it's against the Human Design. We're not perfect. You know, Adam ate from the tree. What do you think we're supposed to learn from that? Is that we're not perfect, we're going to slip. Even he slipped. And he, he's a prophet, he

01:19:21--> 01:19:59

became a prophet. But we're taught that we should, we should, how we should respond is we repent, we ask God and then we move forward. Don't fixate on our mistakes. We don't fixate on the painful things in our past, we learn and we keep going. And we don't lose hope. The big part of that is forgiving yourself and having compassion. I'm not perfect. And I can't be perfect because God didn't create humans to be perfect. It's impossible. So don't hold yourself to a standard That's impossible. Because you'll always fall short. And then and then if you give up every time you fall short then

01:20:00--> 01:20:02

Then you won't be able to move forward.

01:20:06--> 01:20:06


01:20:12--> 01:20:27

Okay, so how do you how do you tell the difference between a test and a punishment, um, someone might go through a hardship for one person is a Punisher for another person is attached or even a purification? The answer to that is it depends on how you respond.

01:20:29--> 01:20:29


01:20:31--> 01:20:43

a person who comes through their hardships and becomes closer to a thumb becomes better becomes purified, then you know, that's not a punishment, because it's made you better.

01:20:45--> 01:21:17

The fear is that our is when our hardships make us further from Allah, make us hardened inside make us resentful and angry at almost smile, that that is a sign that we have to change internally, something we have to purify. It can also be a mercy in that it's a wake up call. Because if I find myself responding in that way, with anger, resentment, you know, and it's bringing me away from God, that's, that's a wake up call for me that I need to rectify internally.

01:21:19--> 01:21:21

But yeah, the way you know is by your response.

01:21:23--> 01:21:32

We have time for one more. Okay, one more question. Who's it gonna be? I, when I get when I have this situation, I ask people who has the most important question.

01:21:33--> 01:21:37

And, and usually everyone thinks that they do, but who really does?

01:21:40--> 01:21:44

Okay, yeah, that's, that's fine. I'll listen to the question and then see if I can find like,

01:21:46--> 01:21:51

I'm not I'm not gonna pick the most important. I'm just gonna try to like, Yeah, okay.

01:21:52--> 01:22:09

Give me your question. So what do you do when other people constantly bring about your past? Or like, your environment is always reminding you of it? That's a very good question. I'm going to come to that. Yeah. You talked about elements of first day, to nurture your spirit and everything.

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In any kind of society, and servant, human time, everything you mentioned, about God, but none of Mama Mama, or anything with the society. So I'm just Okay. Thank you. And that's because that's its own lecture.

01:22:25--> 01:22:30

And I actually have probably about 50 of them on YouTube. But yes, you're absolutely right.

01:22:32--> 01:23:17

Actually, it's interesting, because we're probably for the last year, every single talk I gave was about service. Literally, I focused in this one on this one aspect, but you're absolutely right, a humongous part of both psychological and spiritual well being is service to others. And the those of you who have ever heard me talk about this, I give up. There's something I call a platinum rule. You guys know the golden rule? What is it Do unto others, as you would want them to want you? Yeah, some version of that, in, in our religion in the Quran and the Sunnah you find there's a platinum rule even higher than than a golden rule. And that is Do unto others as you would like God to do unto

01:23:17--> 01:23:17


01:23:18--> 01:23:36

Okay, how I treat other people becomes a reflection of how God treats me. So you're absolutely right. There's so much in our Deen about getting closer to God by serving that the creation. So that's its own, like it and I have many, many times.

01:23:38--> 01:23:59

But even in the site, and I talk about it from a psychological perspective, too, there's a there's so much research, you remember how I mentioned in positive psychology, that there was there's a lot of research about happiness. And I said that the power of gratitude, the second most powerful, like, like practice that they found in increasing happiness is service to others.

01:24:00--> 01:24:12

So that's absolutely whether you talk about it from an Islamic perspective or a psychological perspective, this is essential. The I just I just talked about one aspect that you're absolutely right. And I'm going to get to you. Yes, your question.

01:24:14--> 01:24:18

sonar as a spiritual oxygen or kind of, I guess, first aid.

01:24:19--> 01:24:30

I think there's some stigma against mental health, seeking out mental health. And so of course, I know that you're saying it's both and it's not an either or situation. But what kind of pushback you get

01:24:31--> 01:24:31


01:24:33--> 01:24:33

mental health.

01:24:37--> 01:25:00

Right, right. No, absolutely. And, and that's why I mentioned that, you know, even religiously, we're told to take in a sentence called, it's called the S Bell, and it means it translates to the means taking the means. There's a tradition of the prophets I send up where he told one of the companions this companion was in time this camel and when he asked

01:25:00--> 01:25:41

And why is that because I have my trust in God. So he told him, he instructed him after him whatsoever, which means tire camel, and put your trust in Allah do both simultaneously. So in the case of someone who needs mental health assistance or any therapy, that would be their time of the camel, right? Just like if you're sick going to the doctor is tying your camel taking medicine is tying your camel. And so getting help from the creation is the time the camel, and at the same time, put your trust in Allah and I mentioned that briefly that Allah is the healer, but Allah uses tools, these are, these are the means. So even if you're taking medicine, it's not the medicine that heals

01:25:41--> 01:26:13

you, but that God uses the medicine to heal you. And it's the same thing with therapy. And, and and I and you're right, there is a stigma, we are slowly moving through that I think we've come a long way, especially in the United States, we are far at in terms of a lot of the reducing a lot of the stigma when it comes to mental health. But we also have to be careful again, to keep the balance because we can also go to the other side, where we just looked at the human being as a machine, you know, like,

01:26:14--> 01:26:58

look at mental health is only a biological issue. And it definitely there's a biological aspect, but there's also a spiritual aspect. And there's also a psychological and mental aspect. So I like to look at it as a sort of holistic view when it comes to mental health. It isn't only the chemicals in our brain, it but it's also so many other aspects of our being in our psychology, our how we think, is very important. You know, and, and, and our spirituality. So I would just say that, taking a middle path and reducing this. Absolutely, it's both, you know, it's tying the candle. And, and, and putting our trust in God. And remember this balance, balance, balance, we have to be in the middle

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path, we can't take one or the other. I feel like with mental health, it's like, we take these camps, these extreme camps, it's either, you know, it's all psychological is all medical, it's all biological. And, you know, and or the other extreme, which is if you have faith, you'll never have any issues. So it's it's neither of these extremes. It's it's in the middle, and we have to realize that human being is more than just one or the other. But as we're, we're physical beings, we're spiritual beings. We're, you know, we're mind heart soul everything. Okay? I.

01:27:33--> 01:27:41

Yeah, you had, did you have something to add? Okay. Okay, I'll just hear yours quickly. And then I'm going to address hers. And we'll be done, shall

01:27:43--> 01:28:05

we really good point about how we live in a very superficial society? How do you put the American people here? How does one reconcile kind of expectations that other unmarried people who are looking for a spouse and the expectations that they have, when we usually tend to go with a very superficial perspective,

01:28:07--> 01:28:08

but at the same time out compromise?

01:28:11--> 01:28:19

Women do that, especially, and also men in society where men usually have really unrealistic expectations, and women sometimes.

01:28:23--> 01:29:11

Yeah, I understand. So great question. She's saying that how would for the people who are for example looking to get married in a society that is obsessed with books and and the fact that there's this push for women and men to fit a certain standard, and maybe very unrealistic expectation? So how do you kind of not fall into that? And I would say that the only way and the most important thing you have to do is focus on the source of all provision, focus on the source of all provision. What do I mean by that? Okay, this is so important. Risk, risk, the word risk means provision, what is provision mean? What is risk? Risk is money. Risk is what is health risk is a

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good spouse, good children, all of these come under the category of provision, and blessings and gifts, who's the source of those things? That's what we have to come back and focus on. It's a process, which is love. So the best what we have to do is sort of sift through all this. Like,

01:29:32--> 01:29:59

there's a lot of illusions out there, right? We think that, Okay, I'm going to get if we think I'm going to get a good spouse by taking off my hijab or looking a certain way or acting a certain way, then we're deceived. Because that's not where this comes from. provision comes from God. That's what we have to remember, provision comes from God. So if you want goodness, you have to seek it from God. And you're not going to get goodness from God by displeasing God.

01:30:00--> 01:30:39

Makes sense. It's sort of like the person who wants a raise, and they think, okay, I want a promotion. So I'm going to do absolutely nothing that the boss wants me to do, I'm going to do everything opposite, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm not gonna, you know, the boss tells me to do this and do the opposite. And I'm, I'm expecting a raise, I'm expecting a promotion, you know, it's what we do in a law, like, we break his rules, and then we hope for good, which is, which is illogical. So, I think that really, it's about going back to the source, and asking the source and doing your best to do to do right by Allah, because it was the one who's gonna give you that stuff. And that Good

01:30:39--> 01:30:49

job, and that health and all the things that you want. And practically, I will say this, there is two hours that you can make, there's things that you can do that today that we're told,

01:30:51--> 01:30:52

increases our provision.

01:30:54--> 01:31:34

One thing I'll give you is the two of you, sighs Anna, Robbie in neelima, and says that layer and height and forgive, it's a it's actually a verse in the footer and in which Messiah is said and he says to Allah property in me, the man that they have declared it, oh my lord, I am poor, for whatever good you sent down to me. Repeat that there are a lot. And when he said this go out, we know from his story, he went and he was here was in a really, really bad situation. At that point, he had accidentally killed the man. And now he's escaping basically, this, you know, the persecution of these people want to kill him. And after that, he got married and got a job. So that's a good

01:31:34--> 01:31:36

thing. So

01:31:38--> 01:32:18

So roughly in the demands of selling unemployment, okay, so repeat that a lot. You know, the US economy very powerful, let alone a quota in that in that that's another one that repeating a lot, brings provision and removes barriers. And the other thing I want to say is, is the fun. So saying a lot of this default repentance, the prophets I sent him said that when you repent, when you do a lot of fun, it gives you like a gift, it solves a problem. If you have a difficulty, it gives you a way out of that difficulty. It prevents it protects you from anxiety, and it provides you from places that you never imagined. These are consequences of our thinking.

01:32:19--> 01:32:29

So that's what I would say for someone in that situation. And don't do never think that you'll get good from anywhere other than a wall. It just there's no other source of goodness, right.

01:32:31--> 01:33:11

Now, your question, and I'll end with this, what happens when your environment is pushing you back or is pulling you down, and reminding you of your past, the first thing that I have to say is, do your utmost to have a more healthy environment. And that may or may not be possible at this exact moment. But it is an important principle that we try to be in a healthy environment because we're affected by our environment. The prophets I sent him said that a person is on the D in the way of their closest friend, that being around good company is like entering a perfume shop, right? You end up either with perfume or you smell better. And being with bad companies like going into blacksmith

01:33:11--> 01:33:51

shop, you either get burned, or you come out smelling that. Okay, so your company manager Environment Matters. Now, if you can try to find a better company that isn't pulling you down, that isn't toxic. Right? That's number one. If that's not possible, at that given moment, but that should be your goal, right? Your goal should be to be around a healthy environment and around people who are good for you. Make sense, but sometimes in for a temporary amount of time, maybe someone has a child and they can't get out of that situation, etc. Then in that case, it's like a person who works

01:33:52--> 01:33:54

in a radioactive plant, what do you got to do?

01:33:56--> 01:34:35

That's your job. What do you got to do? where a lot of protection, okay. And in this case, the protection is the remember, it's all about when you when you do like, remember the three things I said the salon, the US car and the four end. That's like wearing protection in a radioactive plant, because you can't get out of that situation for whatever reason. And I hope it's temporary. Because you should never like keep yourself in a toxic environment like that. But in the meantime, you just have to make sure you're well protected. And I'll just end on this anecdote. One time I told someone this in the audience, and she's like, I do work at it.

01:34:36--> 01:34:42

Like she actually worked out one I was like, wow, I gave her that moment. Suppose you worked at it.

01:34:43--> 01:34:44

And she's like I do.

01:34:46--> 01:34:51

So we'll wrap up their session alongside putting our stuff in the light