Yasmin Mogahed – Finding Peace in a Chaotic World

Yasmin Mogahed
AI: Summary © The speakers emphasize the importance of intention and setting intentions for what one wants to achieve, including work, relationships, and one's success. They stress the need for peace through chaos, trusting one's parents, and finding spirituality. The speakers also advise parents to pursue a course in purifying their hearts and avoid drinking alcohol, and warn about the danger of "oppression" and finding a healthy relationship. upcoming book releases will also be discussed.
AI: Transcript ©
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Santa Monica.

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I guess you guys want to hear me.

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How's everyone doing today?

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It's like that on

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I wasn't blending the shades on other teams, AHIMA salatu salam ala rasulillah while Allium psyche that you may have distracted somebody, we're certainly I'm very often them in the center of cold calling.

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When I saw the the topic that was proposed, I was actually very happy that we are going to talk about that. And the reason why is that finding peace in chaos is something that I think everyone can relate to. First of all, I want to kind of break down the topic, and then give you an idea of what it is that I want to convey. But before I do that, I actually have a request from you and audience. So we have a principal in our team, and that is that a few principles that I want to begin with fundamental principles. One of them is enamel, our men will be miette the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said in one of the most important Hadith, that verily actions are by intention, what in mo kolibri

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in Manoa and everyone will have that originally intended. So what we learned from this hezi is this principle that intention is key. intention is key in terms of getting the fruits of our toil. The other principle is that the loss of handle data tells us in the footer and that Lisa live in semi dilemma

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that mankind that human beings will not have except what they strive for. Sad. And this word sad. Have any of you heard this word before a sign?

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had an overdose, right? This word sign literally means well, it's referring it has a nominal as that, that distance that hedge on ran right, the distance between Safa and Marwa she did this seven times, that's called side Do you know why? Because side needs to strive. And so what happened did is she strove, she was in a really difficult situation. In fact, she was in what would look like an impossible situation. She's in the middle of the desert. There's no one around and she's with her child. And so what did she do in that situation? She got up and she strove. She ran between safa and marwah. And she didn't do it once. She didn't do it twice. She didn't do it three times to get seven

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times. And there's a lot of lessons we can learn from them. First of all, she didn't give up. Second of all, she didn't lose hope. And this is a lesson for all of us in our lives, just kind of as a side note, because what happens in our own lives when you try something, and it doesn't work?

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not usually, but maybe if you're persistent, you try again. But then you try it twice, and it didn't work.

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Anyway, maybe you give up maybe you're very persistent. So you try three times, and then four. But you understand what's happened here. She has tried the same thing, not once, not twice, not three times. She did it seven times. And she didn't give up hope. And she continued to strive. And that's sad. And so we learn from Allah subhanaw taala is that lesson insanity? lomasa mankind will not have except that they strive for, we have to strive for the things that we want. We can't no one could say that hajra could have just sat and waited to be saved. Right? Right. I mean, she's the wife of a prophet. She could have sat and waited to be saved. But she didn't sit. She got up and she worked.

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She got up and she strove, she did something. And this is a very, very important principle is that you know, it's that lesson of time your camera. How many people have heard this before? Do you know where this comes from? It comes from a tradition what happened was is that there was a companion who wasn't time is Kim. And when the prophet SAW Selim asked him why he said, because I have my trust in God. I have my I have to look right I put my trust in Allah. So then the prophets I sent him said something so profound and so meaningful, he said, Africa what okay?

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And what this profound simple statement means is type camel, and put your trust in the law. And by the way, it doesn't say tire camel, and then after that, put your trust in Allah. It says tire camel, and at the same time, put your trust in a law. What that means is that why we have our trusted God, yes, we know that our salvation comes from Allah and it's not going to come from anyone else. And it isn't going to come from anywhere else. But at the same time, we still have to struggle

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And we still have to put in some effort, we have to put in some work. Does that make sense? And so even though hedger was in a state of Tilak, but she, you know, in fact, we're told that she called out to her husband. And she said, was it? Was it alone told you to bring us here? Is this is this a way? Is this something that you were commanded to do? Because that's pretty scary, to be left in a desert with a child. And then he wasn't sleeping? Yummy. Can you guys imagine? And so she calls out and she's asked, Is this a command from God? And when he said it was, then she felt a sense of Tamika, right, she was she, she felt at peace with knowing that, okay, then that means God's got her

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back, right? That means God Allah has got me and my tribe. So she, she, she knew that a lot of how that would take care of them. But does that mean she didn't take an action? Did that mean that she didn't do any work, she didn't put you in strive. And as you know, she did an act. In fact, her striving was so memorable that every single person walks in her footsteps.

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In order to fulfill one of the most important rituals of our Deen, which is both Hajj and Umrah, we will we walk literally in her footsteps. So this concept that we have to strive for what we want, we have to strive in order to get fruit. You know, a farmer needs to strive, a farmer needs to plant the seed, and then and then take care of that in order to get fruit. And so what I asked for my audience, is that I want you within yourselves to set an intention of what you hope to gain today, I want you to because, you know, if Allah tells us that you will not have except what you strive for. So we have to know what we're striving for. Are you even clear on what you're striving for? Do you

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know what your intention is? Do you know what you hope to to get? Or do you know what you're seeking? That's the question I'm asking. Sometimes we don't know. We don't know what we're looking for how many people feel like they know what they're looking for?

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You know what I mean? Sometimes we're not even clear. But here's the problem. Here's the problem. If you're driving somewhere, and you're not really sure what the addresses are you going to get there.

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You don't even know what to put into your into your GPS, right? You have to know where you're going if you're going to get there. And so what I'm going to ask you to do, and this isn't this is something you do within yourself, is to set a mental goal of what you hope to gain tonight. And then obviously, in your life. Okay, but let's start with what what did you come for you What are you seeking? Everyone's seeking something? And and if you're not clear on what that is, become clear on it. Because you can't reach somewhere if you don't know where you're going. Does that make sense? So everyone, I want everyone to take a few moments. And just think about, you know, what is it that I

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need in my life? What is it that I'm looking for? What is it that I'm seeking?

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And then I want you to make the law. I want you to to ask Allah to give you that tonight, and to give you that in your life, and to give everyone in this room. You know, what it is they came to seek? Can you guys do that for me? So just take a few moments and just do that.

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Okay, this is gonna be slightly somebody we're sort of the Omni wireless data medicine portfolio. Does anyone want to share?

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Does anyone want to share

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It's okay if it's too personally you don't need to, but if you feel like you want yes for them. Peace, peace.

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Looking for more peace come to look for peace. Okay.

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inshallah, yes.

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In the back there.

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Okay, so she said the guidance from

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A lot in the pleasure of Allah to please Allah. May Allah bless us with that. Yes.

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For me, it's kind of easy to

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lose that.

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So he said to have more of a sense of balance because it's easy to get focused on one thing and then lose sight of other things. Yes. Motivation? Yes.

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in any situation. Okay, beautiful remembering a one any situation? Yes.

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Michelle, that is beautiful. I'll repeat what you said. She said recently, she went to hedge, Michelle law hedge mobu. And before that, she didn't know a lot about the dean. And now she has this love, like desire to learn more. Male and male look, give you that? Yes, in the back. I just want to say thank you.

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If you want me to ask you later.

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Okay, um, let me know what the question is. And then if I cover it, then during the talk,

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you know, what is it?

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Nia? Yes, intention.

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So, um, so meaning like, sometimes can you ask somebody

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to pray for you? And then they pray for you and you get the message back.

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Okay, so you're saying you felt that connection with me? Yeah. Okay. So So what I can say about that is this. It's a law. Right? It's a law. So what happens is that obviously, we don't know what's inside another person, right? I can't see what's inside another person's heart or another person's mind but a look at and so Allah knows exactly what you need. A law knows exactly what you need. Allah knows exactly what you need. And he also knows exactly what you need to hear. I don't know. But Allah knows. And I received one who Elon was me. And and so it's alone. Who knows. And it's a lovely inspires. So it's, it's through a loss of power that it's not, it's not us. It's not me.

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Because I mean, I don't I'm, I don't know anything of the unseen of a human being same as others. So it's almost

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I just wanted to say thank you. May Allah bless you.

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Love Bless you. So anyone else want to share?

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Okay, yes. clarity, clarity. Thank you for saying hello. We'll talk about that. Yes.

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finding peace through difficulties and disappointments. Okay, wonderful. Now I want to start so this this is this is really good. Because this is exactly what we want to talk about today. When we talk about peace and chaos. First, I want to define

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chaos. Why is there chaos? And and what is it that we're suffering from right now? What is it? What is it that we're suffering from as human beings in the from earthly experience in the worldly experience that we're in? What is it about the nature of this life that we are all being tested with? Well, there's a few things number one, is that Allah subhanaw, taala is unseen. The prophets are unseen. The angels are unseen. Hellfire is unseen, gender is unseen. All of these things we can see. And therein lies the test. Many of us what happens is that we go through this world, and we get so caught up in that which we can see. In that image, we can feel and touch the material things. And

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we forget about that, which we cannot see. And this is exactly why this life is a test, isn't it? Because Allah subhanaw taala we can't see him. We we can't see Jenna and Jenna, we don't know, you know, we can't see the grave. But these are realities. And so what ends up happening is that in this chaos of dunya, we get caught up. We get caught up in media, in our jobs in money. It's you know, you know, social media, which is so much about how you appear in front of other people. what other people think about you, how do you look, you know, we've been living right now, in a time. Like it's like unprecedented time of complete obsession with a

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appearances, like obsession, right? It's, it's, it's so it's become so important, what you look like what you wear, how you present yourself Why? Because this is the culture we're in right now the Instagram culture in and it's all about putting yourself out there and looking a certain way and having a specific type of image. And so all of these things create a chaos they create,

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as one of the others mentioned, it's distracting, right? You get you lose focus of what matters. And the reason for that is, this is what we can see. Right? This is what's close to us. This is what we can experience, you know, firsthand. But Jenna, and Johanna, that just seems far away. Right? Even alone feels far away to many of us. Am I right? Even if we pray, sometimes we feel like, but I don't feel a lot, right. I'm, I'm praying, maybe I'm going through the motions, but I ever feel connected to a low spot with that. And so what happens is, I don't feel connected to a law, I don't feel connected to heaven or *, but I feel connected to my phone. You know, I feel connected to my

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friends on on Instagram, Facebook, that, too, because it's in front of me, right? It's it's not unseen. It's not a high. It's not a high, it's something it's something immediate. It's something, it's something I can feel in touch with the material. And so this is our biggest test our test is that we we choose the material over the spiritual, right? We choose the immediate gratification over the delayed gratification, right, because Jenna is not right now. Heaven is not right now. Meaning a lot is not right now. And so we instead focus on unreal, I'm going to meet my friend, right? Or I'm going to meet you know, someone that I love. And and we forget, and we kind of put aside

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what what is what is coming?

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Now, how can we avoid that? So this is one of the pitfalls of the chaos of demand of the material is the fact that there's so much to get distracted by. And to be honest, there's only one answer, there's only one way to not fall into that trap. There's only one way and that is something called Vicki.

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Vicki, you know what I think it is? Can anyone just define this word?

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remembrance. The reason? I want everyone to reflect for a moment, you know, people a lot of times from other faiths, they find out we pray five times a day. And like that's a lot. You know, I mean, like, that's a lot. I thought it was religious and I pray before bed, you know, like I pray on Sunday or something. And that's religious, five times. And that's just the phones, right? That's without any sooner prayers. So if you reflect on that for a second, why do we pray five times a day, and by the way, used to be 50? How many below this? If you actually study, you find that when the commandment first came to 50 times, and then almost kind of I've reduced it to five. So what do I

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want you to do? I want you to think of it. Why would that be the case? Why? There's a reason why our Creator told us to pray five times a day. And he spread out those prayers throughout the day. They could have all been before bed,

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right? Or all in the morning before we got busy with our day. But that's exactly the point. It's so that we don't become so busy with the material things that we forget about our actual purpose. Does that make sense? It is it is a reminder that is designed in the prescription. It's designed to make us stay focus. And so the fact that he was saying, you know, sometimes you get off track or you get focused on that's human nature. And that's why a lot has told us to pray five times a day. That prayer is to remind us it's a remembrance, it's thinking, it's to remind us it's to recalibrate. It's to reorient us what to our ultimate purpose, our ultimate purpose. Now, let me let me come back

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to what is our ultimate purpose? What is our ultimate purpose? Allah tells us what malformed octogenarians in the afternoon. This is a very profound a and I I can do it justice, but generally or roughly translated, it means the law says that we have not created gene and humans for any other purpose except to know worship love God. Oh Buddha Yeah. Now Oh God.

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I can't only translate it as a worship, because it is not just worship in the ritualistic sense. That's not what it means. But data is when you, if I were to translate obaldia one way to translate it, it's, it's enslaving ourselves to God so that we can become free.

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See, it seems like a contradiction, right?

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That's why it's like when you say you're a slave of God, a lot of people think of slavery because the word slave is a very negative word write, it has a very negative connotation. Yes, being a slave to anything other than the Creator is a negative thing. In fact, it's oppressive. It's full pressure, it is the worst kind of oppression, to enslave yourself to anything other than God. But to enslave yourself to God, to become a act of Allah, to become a slave of the law, is the only way to actually become free.

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That's deep.

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Do you know why?

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I'll answer that question by telling you something, one of the companions of the Prophet or it might have been a temporary, he, he came to the, to one of the towns, and he said, I have come to free you, from the slavery to the slave and bring you to the slavery of the lord of the slave.

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So what is he saying? He's saying, I'm coming to free you. Here's the thing, every single one of us is asleep.

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Every single one of us is a slave to something.

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Everyone's a slave to something. Some people are slaves to their desires.

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Some people are slaves to another person. Some people are slaves to money.

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Some people are slaves to power.

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Some people are slaves to,

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you know, image how to appear in front of people.

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A lot of people are slaves to what other people think. Have you heard of that?

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But what are people gonna say? There are people out there. There are cultures out there, where everything you do or don't do is based on but what are people gonna say?

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What are people gonna say? That's called slavery? That's slavery. What are your slave to other people? the opinions of other people, what those people are going to say about you and about your family. That slavery.

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When when a woman is told, no, go back to your abusive husband, because what are people gonna say? That's oppression. That's but what's the root of that oppression, in slavery to what other people think that's actually the root of the oppression. Because you're, you're so you're more worried about what people think, than you are about anything else.

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And that's why that's one kind of slavery when we enslave ourselves only to Allah, meaning that I'm not a slave to what people think. I'm not a slave to my own desires. I'm not a slave to money. I'm not a slave to image and power and status. I'm only a slave to Allah, then and only then to become free. So that is what Allah is saying. When he says, My mouth Allah to Jinnah, well, it's allele. Alberto is very important. We remember why we're here. Why would we create it? Because it's easy to get lost in this this this chaos of life, right? between our jobs and social media, and our, you know, our friends and our drama, lava drama, Netflix, you know, I mean, that's a big part. That's

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important, right? So there's a lot of distractions, and it's easy to forget, why am I here?

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Some of us, some of us aren't clear on that.

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And this is a reminder of why we're here. Allah says, I have not created human beings. I've not religion and human beings for any purpose, except mobile data, except that they enslave themselves to me. And that's how we're going to become free.

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Does that make sense?

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When you remember your purpose,

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then everything else can fall into place.

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But you have to know your purpose. If you lose sight of your purpose, nothing's going to make sense.

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Nothing is going to make sense. There's a question a lot of people

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suffer from, or struggle with, rather? And that's the question of why do bad things happen to good people?

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A lot of people struggle with this question. You know that that question is what happens when you lose sight of your purpose? And I'll explain why.

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The reason is that if you lose sight of your purpose, then you lose sight of what bad and good really are.

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You actually don't understand. If you lose sight of your purpose, you will lose sight of what, what is good for me and what is bad for me. So when you ask why do bad things happen to good people? The reality is bad things never happen to good people.

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Bad things never happen to good people. And and I'll tell you the proof for that. There's a prophetic heavy. There's a hadith that says, I should look at how many Bachmann output we could look at.

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The matter of a believer is strange. Why? Because everything is good for him or her.

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So you see what the headings the same. The headings are saying that bad things will never happen to a believer. And now immediately, you're asking in your mind. But what about this? What about this thing that happened? And what about this? And what about this person who lost, you know, a family member, this person who this happened to them and this person? See, this is where we have to go back to the root? what actually is the definition of good and bad? Yes, I'm not saying that people aren't going to go through pain. I'm not, I can't tell you that people aren't going to go through loss. But what we are promised is that for a believer, everything will end up good for them. Even if it means

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pain and loss.

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That's deep. Even pain and loss ultimately is good for unbeliever. That's really the and that's, by the way, that's an entire other discussion. That's an entire other discussion, I talk a lot about that Chola in the book, and I have a class

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called silver lining and melted. But the whole idea is that no matter what comes in the path of a believer, if a if a person knows their purpose, everything that happens to you is actually for your own good.

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is actually for your own good.

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I'll give you an analogy of that.

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When you take a child into the doctor, to get shots,

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what's the reaction of that child?

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Anyone taken an infant to get shots? Not to have these days for the infant, right? The infant screams is angry is like, you know, very, very isn't happy with the doctor, right?

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Now imagine you take the 10 year old to get the same shot.

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And you can explain to the 10 year old that this is this is for your own good. What's the reaction of the 10 year old? Well, maybe not happy? But also not screaming or shouting, right? Okay. Now, when you take an adult, a full grown adult, who's going into the doctor to get life saving medicine, through a needle, so it's the same shot. Imagine that each of these people, each of these, the baby, the 10 year old and the adult are all getting the same life saving medicine, it's actually saving her life. Everyone with me? What's the reaction of the adults who's just had their life saved through this needle?

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Thank you.

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It's that that adult isn't screaming and shouting, that adult isn't angry at the doctor. In fact, it's the opposite. The adult is grateful. Can someone tell me what's the difference between the baby and the adult?

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It's understanding. It's just understanding. It's the same exact experience. Am I right? It's the same exact needle. It's the same exact pain. But the understanding is different. And so the reaction is different. Right? The adult knows that this is actually for my own good. This isn't to hurt me. This is actually to save me this is actually to heal this is actually to make me stronger. And so the adult reacts with gratitude.

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And this is a concept in Islam called Rudolph or salt. Riddle means contentment with a decree of the loss of habitat, to be content with what Allah has chosen for you to be content with what Allah is doing in your life.

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So means to be patient to persevere.

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It is, it is only possible that you're going to be able to be patient and have contentment. If you understand that whatever Allah does, is for your own good, right. And to know, this is from Allah, and what avala brings is the best.

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Here's another analogy to kind of make you understand if thinking every single person here,

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after this talk is done, goes outside finds their mother, or

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their father,

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picking them up, and starts driving. So you get in the car and your mother's driving, right?

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And your mother starts driving, and then you ask, Where are we going?

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Because you don't really recognize the route. Right? And then your mother says, Don't worry, you, you know, it'll, you'll see

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how many people at that point call 911. Because they're being abducted, and they're scared.

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Nobody, why, but you don't know where you're going. Why?

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Because you trust the driver.

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That's it.

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That's it. It's because you trust the one who's driving, even when you don't know where you're going. But you know that your mother is not going to do something bad for you. Right? You know, your mother's not going to take you somewhere to hurt you. Yes.

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You know, she's not going to throw you in a ditch and leave you or sell you somewhere. She, you trust your mother. And so even when you don't know what route you're going on, but inside, you're at peace.

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And this is where the peace comes from, isn't it? Inside, you have peace, because you trust the driver.

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And that is the only way to find peace in your life is if you start trusting the driver. That's the only way.

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Because imagine if you didn't know who the driver was. Now it's an Uber driver taking you all over the place.

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Right into the woods, you do not know this route, this is not the way to your home, now you're worried.

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Right? Now you're scared. Simply because you don't trust the driver, don't even know who the driver is, you understand, you better know everywhere that this driver is going because you don't trust the driver.

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But when you trust the driver is different. And honestly, our problem deeply in our lives is we don't trust the driver of our life.

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Who is

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alone, God, we don't actually trust the driver of our life. That is essentially our problem. So when he makes a, you know, a turn that we don't understand, right? We're going down a route. We don't know, you know, these times in your life where you're like, you don't understand what's happening and you start getting really agitated.

00:33:16 --> 00:33:23

But God, why, but why you want answers. You know, it's like you're demanding answers this like, Really?

00:33:24 --> 00:33:27

Really? Would you do that with a surgeon? Like,

00:33:28 --> 00:33:37

like, Who Do You Think You Are you would you go to the brain surgeon say, by the way, you can't operate on me until I understand every procedure that you're going to do.

00:33:38 --> 00:33:39

And you're like a plumber.

00:33:41 --> 00:34:09

You don't know what is going on. You're just gonna trust the surgeon because the surgeon knows what the surgeons do, even if you don't do you understand what I'm saying? But God, we do this with a llama. You know, it sounds like a law. You have to explain it to me. I have to understand it. I have to understand why we did this thing in my life. How many of you you know exactly what I'm talking about? It's almost like we're putting God on trial.

00:34:10 --> 00:34:19

You know, I mean, like, like as if Allah has the answer to me about what he's doing. We're quite weird and arrogant that way.

00:34:21 --> 00:34:59

I mean, we wouldn't even do that with a doctor because we know our our knowledge and we know that the doctor is not a doctor went to school for like 12 years. We were not going to understand how he or she is going to do brain surgery. Right and we trust that okay, Doctor, you said I have a tumor. You said I need the surgery. I trust you. And I let you put me under and like have complete control with it with the with the needle I mean with the knife. I'm completely helpless. When I'm under when I'm when that doctor has when a doctor is is operating on me

00:35:01 --> 00:35:02

I have no control, right?

00:35:03 --> 00:35:08

I have absolutely no control. And I've given complete trust to this individual.

00:35:10 --> 00:35:13

Right? Yes. We won't even do that regard.

00:35:14 --> 00:35:15

Justin, what I'm saying?

00:35:16 --> 00:35:19

And it's this idea of like, why God,

00:35:21 --> 00:35:28

but I don't understand. And the other toxic thing that we do is we don't have a good opinion of Allah.

00:35:29 --> 00:35:36

We don't actually have a good opinion of the What do you guys know what that means? It means, let me go back to my example about your mother,

00:35:38 --> 00:35:56

you have something for your mother called hustler thumb, it needs to have a good opinion of your mother, you trust that she's not going to do something bad. You know that she has your best interests in mind? This is like the benefit of the doubt. Right? For your mom, you have that? That's when you're relaxed.

00:35:57 --> 00:36:05

But you don't have that for the Uber driver, right? And so you're always wondering, wait, wait, am I is he going to? Is she going to do something that, you know?

00:36:07 --> 00:36:43

Our problem is we don't have hosting in London, and we don't have a good opinion of a law where if something happens in our life, how many of us wonder, like, why is this bad thing happening? Why is God punishing me? Why? Why is God why is God, you know, being unfair to me, why is, you know, this almost this anger, this resentment. And we're always sometimes we think very negatively, about a volkoff, we think very negatively about what's happening in our life, we have a negative worldview.

00:36:45 --> 00:36:57

You understand, like, if something is happening to us, there's a whole spectrum of ways to interpret it. There's a whole spectrum of ways to interpret the doctor giving you a shot.

00:36:59 --> 00:37:04

Well, the baby's interpretation is this doctor is trying to kill me, maybe, right.

00:37:06 --> 00:37:13

Whereas the doctors actually saving themselves. And I think the problem is a lot of us have a negative opinion about the law.

00:37:14 --> 00:38:05

When a law is doing something in our life, and something works out, or doesn't work out, do we have a positive understanding? Or do we have a negative understanding? Do we think that everything that happens is actually for our own good? Or are we thinking very negative, all this is this is gonna ruin my life, or this has ruined my life, or God is angry with me, or God is punishing me these kinds of ideas. So one of the most important things we have to change. So the first thing I said was, know your purpose. Remember that our ultimate purpose isn't our career. It isn't our money. It isn't our family, even it isn't, you know, fitting into a size, whatever, you know, it isn't looking

00:38:05 --> 00:38:37

a certain way. It's ultimately to enslave ourselves to God, and therefore be become free. That's our ultimate purpose. And that makes everything else makes sense and fall into place. But the other thing we have to do is stop being so negative in the way we understand our lives, and the way we understand what a lot is doing in our lives. When a person has a positive opinion of a law, it changes completely the way we respond to everything that happens.

00:38:38 --> 00:39:20

Remember, the example of the mother driving, right? You were calm, and you're at peace, even when you never understood, even if there were bumps in the road, you're not panicking, because you trust the driver. And so what we have to do is go back to trusting a loss of power that we have to know that actually a lot is, is on our side, it's not us against God. You can't take on God. You know, it's, it's, we have to know that Allah Subhana, Allah wants good for us. There's a difference between thinking that your life is happening to you, versus your life is happening for you.

00:39:21 --> 00:39:27

The things in your life, the things that happen in your life are actually happening for you.

00:39:28 --> 00:39:32

Even when you don't understand them, even when they seem that

00:39:34 --> 00:39:50

they seem negative. I promise you to that child that that shot seemed really bad. It seemed really negative, but it was actually saving the child's life. And this is exactly what happens in our life. Sometimes, we don't get what we want. Raise your hand if you always get what you want.

00:39:53 --> 00:40:00

Shockingly, no one's raising their hand because that's not the winner, right? We don't always get what we want. But ultimately

00:40:00 --> 00:40:01

kind of gives us what we need.

00:40:02 --> 00:40:06

And there's a difference. There's a difference between getting what I want and getting what I need, right?

00:40:07 --> 00:40:14

We hope that sometimes they're the same thing, but not always. And we asked the loss of higher data and we trust a lesser program.

00:40:16 --> 00:41:05

Now I want to talk about some practical steps. So this this is theoretical. I touched upon one practical thing, but I want to go back and go a little deeper. I mentioned that we are told to pray not once, not twice, but five times a day, and throughout the day, this is a prescription given to us by our Creator, in order to remind us of our purpose, while we're living our life. See our religion, our Deen. It's not the type of Deen where you just, you know, you go off into a cave in order to be spiritual, right? You're not only spiritual on Fridays, you're not only spiritual in Ramadan. Spirituality in Islam is something we do while we're at work, while we are married and have

00:41:05 --> 00:41:17

children. While we are even enjoying ourselves, can I tell you something deep? The prophets I send them said that even in the intimacy between husband and wife is a act of worship. It's a charity.

00:41:19 --> 00:42:03

Like, whoa, the prophet SAW, I said, I said this to his companions. And they were like, how does that? You know, but this is something that this is enjoyment, how can that be a bunch of coffee? Some of you know, so the father thing, you know, charity, like an act of worship. And the prophets. I said, I've said, because if you did it outside of marriage, would it not be a sin. And so to do it within marriage, is actually a rewardable. That's actually a good deed. And so you see that Islam isn't about being spiritual by leaving our life. It's about finding spirituality, inside of our life, inside of our life, inside of our everyday mundane, right, you're gonna still have to go to

00:42:03 --> 00:42:46

work, you're still gonna have to take care of the kids still gonna have to clean the house, you know what I mean? Like, you still, you're still gonna have your social media and your social dramas and all that. But within that, and you're gonna have your trials, you're gonna have your storms, all that's gonna happen, you're gonna have bad weather, you're gonna have, you're gonna have storms, you're gonna have distractions, you're gonna have bad health, sometimes you're gonna have financial problems. So that's gonna have family problems, sometimes mental health problems, sometimes, these are all part of life. Islam came to teach us how to be close to a loss pinata, within all of those

00:42:46 --> 00:42:53

circumstances. It's not about leaving the world. But it's about being close to Allah inside the world.

00:42:55 --> 00:43:40

And that's what's very unique about Islam. By the way. That's what's very unique about the sin. If you study other, every other faith, every other spiritual path, it doesn't do that. It's it doesn't do that. It's it's usually separates, right separates that we we worship here. And we do our job here, and we get married, it's all separate. But it says doesn't separate, it's holistic, even within our lives, and our jobs can be a worship, within our relationship with our husbands and our wife is a worship, taking care of your children and your home that's part of that can be a worship. Your job can be a worship all of these things as part of worship.

00:43:41 --> 00:43:57

But the question is now practically, how do we do that? How do we implement that practically? The number one way is by following the prescription. The five daily prayers is one of the most essential ways to do that.

00:43:59 --> 00:44:13

That's why the philosophy important. That's why our prayer is so important, because there's no way that we can survive this life. Without sola it's impossible. salons like spiritual oxygen.

00:44:15 --> 00:44:15


00:44:17 --> 00:44:19

It's the spiritual oxygen.

00:44:21 --> 00:44:23

What happens to a person they stop breathing?

00:44:25 --> 00:44:27

They die. Thank you. Exactly.

00:44:28 --> 00:44:39

There's a lot of people who are spiritually dead. There's a lot of people who are spiritually dead. And the first cause of that is that they left their soul

00:44:40 --> 00:44:42

is that they left to their prayer.

00:44:44 --> 00:44:47

It's the first thing we're taught when we're little. And so first thing we forget.

00:44:48 --> 00:44:53

Even though it's the most essential, it is actually as essential as oxygen.

00:44:54 --> 00:44:58

Can you imagine a person saying you know what, I want to train for a marathon and they're not breathing

00:45:00 --> 00:45:16

Can you train for a marathon? If you're not breathing? Can you be an Olympic athlete? If you're not breathing? Absolutely not. You got to breathe in got to breathe, so long as you're breathing, there is nothing that you can accomplish if you're not breathing spiritually.

00:45:18 --> 00:45:32

So you have to go back to this essential part of our, our spiritual livelihood. And that's the law. And the Prophet, Allah Subhana, Thailand told us to do it certain times of the day.

00:45:33 --> 00:45:34

You know why that is?

00:45:35 --> 00:45:40

It's because a lot knows what he's doing. I promise you a lot more. So he's doing. So it's like,

00:45:42 --> 00:45:47

here's the thing I know, it's crazy. It's just, it's a crazy concept. It's not just whenever you wake up,

00:45:49 --> 00:45:53

you feel me? It's not. It's actually a certain time.

00:45:54 --> 00:45:56

And why? Because nobody knows what it's doing.

00:45:57 --> 00:46:11

If a doctor told you, you had to take a medicine at a specific time for it to work, you would follow that. If the doctor said, See this medicine, it won't work. And this medicine is keeping you alive. You'll take it on time.

00:46:12 --> 00:46:23

Right? Yes, you will, you will definitely. Because we care about our life. And we trust the doctor, we say, You know what? The doctor knows what they're saying.

00:46:24 --> 00:46:36

Allah knows what he's doing when he tells us that the hood is at a certain time. Allah knows what he's doing when he says acid is a certainty and Malcolm kind of issue. So I promise you that it alumnos

00:46:39 --> 00:46:49

the second part of this prescription, so in order to live our lives in such a way where there is peace in the chaos. The second is

00:46:51 --> 00:47:41

I advise every single person to have a regimen every day, even if it's for a few minutes of altcar what are the different types of remembrance of Allah subhanaw taala. Now, the first one I mentioned was Salah, that's essential. that's essential. But in addition to that, there's certain prayers do certain supplications that the Prophet sallallahu Sallam taught us and these supplications when you say them throughout your day, they actually transform your life. They transform your life. And I have challenged audiences all over the world to do this. And it actually changed people's lives, is when they started to make this a regimen a regimented thing, just like you get up, you eat, you

00:47:41 --> 00:48:24

know, you eat, you eat your meals, you take your vitamins, you do your exercise, there is also a spiritual regiment that we need. And when you follow it, it changes your life. And so that regimen is that there's certain supplications that were told to say in the morning, that we're told to say in the evening, and before we sleep, those three times are some of the most essential. There's of course, other ones, small ones after prayer. Right, you learn them. There's supplications, when you know, the amazing thing is that the prophets I send them lived his life, where throughout his life, he was remembering God, right, so there's a supplication for everything. There's a supplication for

00:48:24 --> 00:48:46

driving a supplication for leaving your home, a supplication for entering. There's even a supplication for entering the bathroom, a supplication before intimacy, there is a way to remember God according to the Center for everything in life. That actually is very powerful. Because that is what transforms the mundane into the spiritual.

00:48:47 --> 00:49:06

That's how we find spirituality within the mundane. Right? Because you're still driving to work, right? You're still getting married, you're still you know, using the restroom, you're still intimate with your spouse, you're still eating. But while you're doing these things, you're remembering a lot.

00:49:07 --> 00:49:22

Do you understand? So my advice practically, is that to get an app on your phone, cuz you know what the phone is, like? A part of our like, appendage, right? It's like, it's like a it's like an Oregon. And so we always have our phone.

00:49:24 --> 00:49:24

You're like,

00:49:25 --> 00:49:41

um, and so put the app on your phone, called my dog. This is this is the one I use. There's, there's lots of them, but this is like best 99 cents you'll ever invest. My dog ny d u. a.

00:49:43 --> 00:49:59

How many people have heard of fortress of a Muslim? Many of you. This is just the art form of the app, the app version of fortress of the Muslim. What this app is is a collection of verses and supplications to say in any

00:50:00 --> 00:50:40

aspects of life. So it's like that because it's a collection, you can click on, okay, I'm traveling, here's this application. You know, I'm feeling anxious today, here's a certification. I'm like, I'm wanting more provision, here's this application, you understand. So now that you have this app, which you're going to download, inshallah, and you're going to, yeah, invest for for the rest of your life, inshallah, just just by downloading this and then using it. Once you get the app on your phone, what I advise is, make sure that in the morning, you're doing your morning supplications, in the evening, you're doing your evening supplications. And you're saying some supplication before you

00:50:40 --> 00:50:41


00:50:43 --> 00:50:44

Okay, um,

00:50:46 --> 00:51:09

one other point, I'm going to, I'm going to pointer, I'm going to tell you is that in the app when you go to morning, supplications, so it's morning slash evening remembrance, this was called, okay. When you go there, you're gonna find a list of like, 25. Okay, so what happens is human nature, we might do all of them, like one day, and then never do it again, because it took us an hour, right.

00:51:10 --> 00:51:15

So one principle I want to tell you very important, is that it's not all or none.

00:51:16 --> 00:51:56

The prophets I sent him told us that a law loves the actions that are consistent, even if they're small. Gotcha. That's a very important spiritual principle, the actions that are consistent, even if they're small, and by the way, you see this in the physical world, too, right? You know, it's better to do 50 setups every day, or to do like 5000. And never do it again. Right. So this is the way it works spiritually, even if you're just going to say a few. But be consistent, you will see a transformative effect, you don't have to spend an hour doing it. You can, you can have, you know, something you can do on your commute. Um, you know, there's also a way to listen to it if you're

00:51:56 --> 00:52:42

driving, whatever. But what you can do in the app is you can put a star next to certain certifications, and then that becomes your collection. But make sure you're consistent. If you can a one off, you know, a lot, seven of them or whatever amount, but be consistent in the morning, in the evening, and then before you sleep, and just do that. And after even a few days, you will see a huge, huge difference. How many people? Is there anyone in the audience who tried this? Who did this? So you guys know what I'm talking about? The the difference? Did you see the difference? Yeah, that it's it changes your, your life, it changes your psychological and emotional state. Am I right?

00:52:42 --> 00:52:43

So she's she's like, yeah.

00:52:45 --> 00:52:48

And the days you don't do it, you feel it? Yeah.

00:52:53 --> 00:53:30

So you see me hanging on the wall and get up and look at it. Exactly. And then of course, like, when you don't do it, you feel it, right. It's like, you know, you didn't do it. Um, I will tell this for those who are married. There's a lot of seminars out there about, you know, marriage advices, I've actually my husband is a marital coach himself, and he uses a seven coaching. And one thing I will tell you is that all the advice that they give us, you know, sending marriage advice, systemic marriage counseling, and honestly, the best marital advice I can give anyone is do your morning and evening with God.

00:53:31 --> 00:53:35

I promise you, like but God says this, but I'm telling you this the secret

00:53:36 --> 00:53:42

it's actually the best marriage advice I could give anyone. And and I know this from a lot of experience. So

00:53:43 --> 00:54:04

it's, it's really amazing because it changes your, your spiritual state. It changes your mental state. And, and remember, we talked about the unseen. I mentioned a few things I mentioned. We don't see a lot, right, we don't see Heaven and *, we also don't see shikon

00:54:06 --> 00:54:25

We also don't see shikon and we also don't see shakedowns army, but it's real. It exists. And Allah has told us in the Quran that shavon isn't about me to marry her, and to especially to the believer. And so what these ottokar do, among other things, is they create a shield.

00:54:27 --> 00:54:57

This is by the way, why it's called fortress because it creates a fortress around the believers heart and around your your life really, around your marriage around your children. It is a shield from any kind of unseen force that wants wants to build for us. And this is something documented in the hotel, that shaitan is a is an open enemy. And so all around it actually really transforms your your entire life.

00:54:58 --> 00:54:59

So that was number two.

00:55:00 --> 00:55:19

And then finally, number three is having to put n in daily part of your life. Now, I know many of us read a lot of put em in Ramadan, we try to finish it, right, we go to Colombia, but, but we have to be careful because what would happen to a person if they only eat for one month out of the year,

00:55:20 --> 00:56:06

in the middle, eat for 11 months, you're gonna start, right. And that's the problem is that many of us we have this spiritual nourishment and Ramadan, and then we starve our soul for the rest of the year. So we have to have for on a regular part of our of our life, not only in a little bun, because you can't only eat, you know, during during one season, you have to eat throughout the year, and you have to breathe throughout the year. So these three things, the salon and on time, because, again, Elon knows what he's doing when he when he commanded when he prescribed it at certain times. And all it tells us is that it is it is at a prescribed time. Number two was the app called the app minder

00:56:06 --> 00:56:14

app, or any other one, but that that's one that I found to be very, very good. And then number three is the footer.

00:56:16 --> 00:56:32

And within that is, of course, following the example of the profits, because the profit lesson and his Sunnah, and his hobbies came as a way for us to live. For us to understand that when you do these three things,

00:56:33 --> 00:57:15

it allows you to find peace, even within the chaos. And I promise you, it will change your life. See everything I'm saying right now will just sound like concepts. But when you actually do it, and you're consistent, you will find that your life changes. One other thing that happens and I think one person mentioned this, is that there's a lot of confusion. There's a lot of chaos, there's a lot of distraction, but there's also a lot of confusion. Sometimes we don't know black and white, you know, right from wrong. We don't know which way to go. We don't know what's right, what's wrong, who should I listen to what which website, this website says they're wrong. That website says they're

00:57:15 --> 00:57:40

all that scholar says this, you know, and there's a lot of confusion, even in our concepts. The media right now, right has certain has a certain agenda. There's certain things that you're supposed to think are right, and there's certain things you're supposed to think are wrong. And that's just how we're grown up. So how can we start to like, have clarity of right and wrong?

00:57:41 --> 00:57:42

I'll tell you something.

00:57:43 --> 00:57:46

Clarity only comes when you polish the heart.

00:57:47 --> 00:58:12

That's the only way you're going to have clarity. Because Listen carefully, we don't see with our eyes, we see with our hearts. True, true sight. Let me explain. Obviously, we see physical things with our eyes. But true insight, that insight is from the heart is only through the heart. And so if the heart is dirty,

00:58:13 --> 00:58:37

you don't see things as they actually are. You don't have insight, you don't understand, you don't have true understanding. You'll think something that's really, really bad is actually good. You'll think something that's really good is actually bad. This is the reason why certain acts of worship, for example, start to look really heavy. You understand what I'm saying? certain acts of worship certainly heavy.

00:58:39 --> 00:59:16

You don't hijab for example, hijab is one act of worship, like prayer or fasting. And for some people, it might start to look heavy. And part of that has to do with the state of the heart. If it's something that is an act of worship, and it starts to become too heavy for me, then it's not about, you know, a person can come and talk Oh, but this, but there's this ruling. And there's this, you know, we talk a lot about rules. We're very good at talking about rules. But you can tell someone all the rules in the world, but the heart has to be polished.

00:59:18 --> 00:59:38

Otherwise, a person will reject the rules. A person will reject it. There's a very profound narration where I belong, how she says that if the first verses to be revealed, were do not drink alcohol. The people would have said will never leave alcohol.

00:59:39 --> 00:59:59

If the first verses were were revealed to say do not commit fornication. Two people would have said we're never gonna leave fornication. Listen, that's very profound. The core and when it came down with rules, it didn't start out with those with those. In fact the core engine start out with rules. The fifth the ruling

01:00:00 --> 01:00:39

Like, this is how long you know, alcohol the prohibiting alcohol, prohibiting Riba usury. more interest, prohibiting fornication. So can later actually came later, the first versus the bulk of the verses in Mecca. The Mexican verses aren't about rules. And you'll know if you study the other end, you'll find there's two types of verses right? The verses that came down in Mecca. And then the verses that came down in Medina, the second part of the of the revelation, and they're, they're quite different. Most of the verses that were revealed in Mecca, are about polishing the heart

01:00:41 --> 01:00:46

are about strengthening the heart about strengthening the connection with God,

01:00:47 --> 01:00:55

about the day of judgment about read about understanding our purpose, Gimson. And then later came the rules.

01:00:56 --> 01:00:57

Do you know why that is?

01:00:58 --> 01:01:37

Because when people created a strong attachment to a love, a strong attachment to God, when people Polish their hearts, through the remembrance of Allah, through the consciousness of the law, through knowing that the day of judgment is coming, then when they were given rules, you know, what happened, semana will Alcala, we hear and we obey the moment that the prohibition of alcohol came, people were just dumping their alcohol in the streets. You see, that was, it was an automatic submission. Why? You know why? Because when you love someone,

01:01:39 --> 01:01:51

when you love someone, they say jump, you say, How high, that's how it works. That's actually how it works. And, and all you have to do is think about the person you love most in your life,

01:01:52 --> 01:01:56

the person you love most in your life. And when they ask something of you,

01:01:58 --> 01:02:11

when they want something from you, right, especially, you know, when you see like, if two people are like, if someone's like madly in love with someone who has their asleep to that person, you don't mean they say jump, that's it, just tell me where.

01:02:12 --> 01:02:30

And that's also like, like a quite a quite a power and it can become dangerous, right? But that's the thing about love. And so when a person polishes the heart and loves Allah and has an attachment to a lot, then the rules become easier to follow.

01:02:31 --> 01:02:43

You see, it's not a burden anymore. It's not a burden. When you love someone, it's not a burden to do stuff for them, Do you notice that? Think of your mother and her child, like just think about that.

01:02:44 --> 01:03:26

The amount of things that a mother will do for her child, why it's not even doesn't feel like a burden. It's love. But I mean, if it was someone else, you'd have to hire them and pay them a lot of money to do that same stuff. You know what I mean? And a lot of people be like, no way, I'm not going to be up all night with your child. No amount of money, you know, like, the things that a mother will do. Right. But that's love. And so what happens is when you love, love, and when you polish and strengthen the heart, the rules become easier, it doesn't feel like a burden anymore. It's something that's easier to do. So this is very important. And it gives you when you polish the

01:03:26 --> 01:03:36

heart, it gives you a way to see things as they really are, you start to have insight, you start to understand things. But that can never happen if the heart is dirty.

01:03:37 --> 01:04:02

And so this regimen, this regimen of the prayer, the off guard, and the poor, and what that does, is it strengthens the heart. It feeds the heart, and it makes the heart healthy. And I'm going to end with one thing which is also extremely important. It is it is inside of the of God but I'm going to I'm going to highlight it because it's very important.

01:04:04 --> 01:04:07

I mentioned that the heart is like a lens. That's how you see the world right?

01:04:09 --> 01:04:11

What happens if the lens is covered with dirt?

01:04:14 --> 01:04:29

Can't see anything, right? If your glasses you have like a thick layer of dirt over your glasses, you can't see anything right? Everything's dark. What happens is that when we commit sins, and by the way, everyone commits sins because we're human.

01:04:30 --> 01:04:48

But when we commit sins, without consciousness, and without repentance, what it does is it creates a layer of dirt on our hearts. Every time we commit a sin Allah tells us in the footer and there is a Ron put on the heart that's like a black stain.

01:04:49 --> 01:04:59

And so if a person isn't cleaning it, eventually what happens is you the whole heart gets covered with darkness with with dirt really literally

01:05:00 --> 01:05:22

And so that person's heart is covered. And so that person cannot see with insight truth like spiritual insight, things will become very confused for that person, they won't be able to have clarity or guidance or understanding. And so what what the solution is to clean the heart to remove the dirt. How do you do that?

01:05:24 --> 01:06:09

repentance. And this is a very essential part of our Deen, it's Toba and it still is to turn back to Allah and to repent. And Allah Subhana Allah loves for us to turn back to a man to repent, anyone, and everyone can do that. There is no human being who has was committed to many sins to be able to turn back, anyone can turn back to the law, there's no such thing as too much sin. And, and if and honestly, this is actually a trick of shavon shavon will tell you, but you're too far. You know me, but remember this thing you did. Remember all this that you've done, remember this, you don't see this mountain of sitting, you're too far away to repent.

01:06:10 --> 01:06:51

There's no such thing. Allah Subhana Allah says that even if we come with a with with sins that reach the sky, so the area from the from the earth to the sky, and we repent to him sincerely, he will give us even greater forgiveness than that. So anyone can go back to Allah subhanaw taala. And we all need to constantly be repenting, because that's the cleaning of the heart. Right? You can't take a shower once a year and think you're good, right? Not gonna work, you got to constantly clean, and the heart is the same way I'll put a pony head on stuff for a lady will come in often under him. So panicle will become like a shadow and that lends itself to bootleg.

01:06:52 --> 01:06:55

I'm going to pause there and take a couple questions. inshallah.

01:06:58 --> 01:07:01

Do we want to use a mic? Or should I just repeat the question?

01:07:02 --> 01:07:03

We'll use a mic. Okay.

01:07:06 --> 01:07:06


01:07:07 --> 01:07:22

Thank you. So I have a practical question in terms of tying all the spirituality with mental health. And if you're off balance in terms of the actual medical needs, chemical imbalance.

01:07:24 --> 01:07:44

taboos in terms of if you're taking antidepressants, or if you're suffering for depression, anxiety, that's a sign of weakened lot of hoping if you could elaborate on that, please. Okay. And that's a whole seminar in and of itself. And I've taught actually seminars about that exact question. So I'll try to summarize. Because it's a big question.

01:07:47 --> 01:08:29

Yeah, I was just thinking I did an entire seminar in Scotland recently, just about that about, about depression, and spirituality or in mental health and spirituality. Basically, I think that we have extremes in our community. And I think what happens is that when you have one extreme, a lot of times there's a reaction of another extreme. So on the one hand, we have this extreme, where we've had this extreme, and it's still prevalent, where there's this idea that there's no such thing as mental health issues, is, you know, if you just pray, and if you if you have strong enough email, you'll never have any, any issues. That's an extreme to say that, like, you should never feel sad is

01:08:29 --> 01:09:19

ridiculous. Because sadness is a normal human emotion. And, and, and so, of course, when it turns into depression, then that's something that is outside of the realm of normal, but some type of sadness, you know, we have ups and downs in our emotions. Now depression itself, you know, what is it that causes depression? The the other extreme. So this is one extreme. The other extreme is this idea that everything is just medical, that everything is just physical, that everything is just biological. And that's also not true. The reality is somewhere in between. And the reason for that is that the human being is comprised of a physical self, we have, obviously, a body, we have

01:09:19 --> 01:09:59

neurotransmitters, we have chemicals, we have organs, that that's, that's real, but the human being is also comprised of a soul. The human being also has a soul. The human also has a spiritual heart, human being also has a mind. So there's a psychology, right? There's a there's the biology, there's the spirituality, and they're all connected within the same individual. So you can't really I think, separate them and I think the problem is that we've we've separated them where we said, okay, it's only this or it's only the know some people say it's only biological only, only chemicals cause depression only. Only, you know,

01:10:00 --> 01:10:02

Less serotonin or only dopamine.

01:10:03 --> 01:10:47

And then then you have the other people saying, well, it's just Amen. It's just your faith only that. But the reality is that there are Malte is a multifaceted issue. There are many factors that contribute. If a person is depressed, it's many factors. It is not black and white. And that's I think the problem is that many of us want to do it's like one camp or the other, right? It's black and white. It isn't, it is not black and white, any more than an individual is just one thing. A human being is not just one thing we are spiritual, mental and physical. And so the answer to, you know, the best answer that I can give is that we have to look at all of these elements, when we're

01:10:47 --> 01:11:28

addressing an issue like depression, we have to look at all of these elements, the biological element, the spiritual element, the mental element, as well as sometimes it's, it's the nutrition, and there's a nutrition element to it. Sometimes it's environmental, we'd have to look at the environmental element. I mean, sometimes a person is depressed, because there's something in their life that needs to change. Maybe they're in a toxic home environment. And that's what's causing their depression, I can give that person antidepressants, but if they continue to stay in that toxic home environment, the antidepressants aren't going to fix the problem, do you understand Listen,

01:11:29 --> 01:12:09

because you're not addressing the cause or addressing the symptom. So it's very, very important that we stop just talking about symptoms, right, I can have a Hey, and I can just keep popping, you know, I, I haven't proven or Tylenol, but there's something causing my headache. And if I don't address that, then I'm not going to actually solve the problem, I'm just treating symptoms. And I think that's, that's one of the problems with only looking at it as a biological issue. I can take an antidepressant, but there might be other causes of my depression that I have to address. And then sometimes it's environmental, a lot of people are in bad situations, maybe abusive marriages

01:12:09 --> 01:12:51

abusive, or maybe some some sort of toxic environment, and they need to change that. And the medication isn't going to change that. And then another element, of course, is spiritual. I mean, what what I mentioned that these three things, that also was very powerful, that's very, very good, that's a spiritual tool is very powerful, mentally, and in terms of our mental health as well. And then and then of course, and didn't get a chance to talk about it here. But I do talk about it in other talks, I have online and in my written work, but also the our mental patterns, like our thinking patterns also affect our our meant our emotions a lot. So the way we think about the world,

01:12:51 --> 01:12:54

the types of patterns we have in our thinking,

01:12:55 --> 01:13:11

you know, there's a lot of research that shows that these can also contribute to depression and anxiety, the the way we we understand the world, the way we think about the world, the way we process things. So there's a lot of elements if you can't really just put it in one box.

01:13:13 --> 01:13:27

And one last thing, sorry, I'll get to your question. Um, one other thing I will put out there, there's a lot of research about about this. And this also in the footer end is the is the power of gratitude. And the footer n tells us

01:13:28 --> 01:13:37

that Allah Allah subhanaw taala tells us with no bukoba in shock, often lazy, then the Allah says that if you are grateful, I will increase you.

01:13:39 --> 01:13:42

And when you look at the research, you find that one of the most powerful

01:13:43 --> 01:14:06

sort of treatments that they found, even for depression is gratitude. Keeping a gratitude journal, that's what they found in research is that when you went to when they when they had participants write down five things, that they're grateful for every day, that it actually was effective in treating depression. So there's lots of different things that you can do. And like I said, it's many, it's multifaceted. So

01:14:12 --> 01:14:13

it present.

01:14:14 --> 01:14:16

So one of the things you mentioned is that

01:14:18 --> 01:14:19

and one of the

01:14:20 --> 01:14:23

one of the solutions you mentioned is have them

01:14:28 --> 01:14:59

have a cultivated sponsorship. Great. So her question is how do I cultivate trust and in London that which means having the positive opinion of God, this is that concept of I know that God wants good for me. I know what God is doing is good for me that that positivity with a love. How do you cultivate that? The answer is by getting to know Allah by getting to know Allah, because if you know Allah, you love Allah. Yeah. So how can you get to know Allah? The best way is by reading his words.

01:15:01 --> 01:15:14

The more that you understand the more that you get to know us, through his words, and through through praying to Him through creed. Like, the more you remember him, the more you're building a connection with him,

01:15:15 --> 01:15:21

the more that you will realize that the loss of hematite only what's good for you. And that that a lot is,

01:15:22 --> 01:15:47

is always protecting you and taking care of you. But that happens through building a relationship. Like you didn't become best friends with your best friend, like without building a relationship or you know, your spouse. And so you have to, we have to build an alliance high above any analogy allows our Creator, but the more we know Allah THROUGH THROUGH THROUGH remembering him and reading his words, and reflecting on it, the more we will, will have a good opinion of Allah.

01:15:49 --> 01:16:24

And one other thing to do is is important is to reflect on the creation tool, because all around us are signs of FOMO. All around us, if you have a similar to a lot of diversity left la when you look at that, will it fly in, you know, indeed, in the creation of the heavens and the earth and alteration of night and day are Signs for those of understanding. That's what that's what the essence. So it's important to that we reflect on on the world around us too. And we find a less benefit in that. But the heart has to be clean to be able to see it.

01:16:28 --> 01:16:30

Yes, or no? Yeah. Okay.

01:16:32 --> 01:16:40

I just have a question about your first point and striving and not giving up and keep going at what point you think the American mentality?

01:16:43 --> 01:16:57

You know, like for the Muslim world? Yeah. First, the balance of that, I guess what I struggle with? It's a great question. And the answer to it is not black and white. So

01:16:58 --> 01:17:10

honestly, what I would say as the best advice for that question, Is this is why we seek guidance from a lot. There's, there's a there's a gift that Allah has given us called this.

01:17:12 --> 01:17:13

How many of you heard of this?

01:17:14 --> 01:17:20

It's the heart of usually dislike, understood as this ritual you do before you get married? Right.

01:17:22 --> 01:18:00

But it's the heart is much, much deeper than just that is to Cora is a prayer that we that we do to to seek guidance to seek direction? How does it work? Right? Well, we and that's also in your app. So you pray to a cause of extra depth of prayer. And then you recite this, this, Johan. Now, when you look at the meaning of this one's asking from Allah is Allah, if this is good for me, in my area, and my effort, so in this weapon and x, then we assume

01:18:01 --> 01:18:04

that make it happen, make it easy and full blessing.

01:18:05 --> 01:18:07

And if this is not good for me in mind,

01:18:09 --> 01:18:17

then take it away from me. And take me away from it. And then bring me what is good for me and make me pleased.

01:18:19 --> 01:18:21

So is still up? Yes, he is ready.

01:18:23 --> 01:18:28

When you when you when you really understand what you're saying this is perfect.

01:18:29 --> 01:18:36

Because it's exactly what we want. Who in the world wants things that are bad for them? Anybody want? Actually I want it even if

01:18:37 --> 01:19:10

we want only lupus, right? You don't want to be hurt. And so it's the aura is actually just asking God to bring what is good and take away what's bad. And if something is not good for you, is to replace it with what's good for me and make me happy with it. It was just like so comprehensive. Why do we not use this? Right? Why is it just a ritual we do you know, when we get married? And then and then of course, it's like, oh, we had a dream and weird stuff, right? Like

01:19:12 --> 01:19:16

it's like there's so many weird myths that come with this.

01:19:17 --> 01:19:22

And I heard recently that you pay people some praise for yourself that

01:19:23 --> 01:19:33

that's really strange. That's really weird. Because you're just supposed to pray for yourself. Right? And one of my favorite lines is my mom

01:19:36 --> 01:19:36

is a

01:19:38 --> 01:19:41

mama's boy, Mama's boys Mama.

01:19:42 --> 01:20:00

But the point here is that is to Cora is something that you're asking a lot directly and take away what's bad and bring me what's good. So we need to use that type of like, that's the concept we have to have in life. Is that yes, we do our efforts.

01:20:00 --> 01:20:33

We take we tie our camel, right? We do our strategy, but at the same time we ask Allah, you know what this is good, then then make it happen. And if it's not taken away, because I don't want anything that's not good for him. Nobody wants that. So it's really asking a lot to take care of it. So sometimes in life, we might be trying for something, and we keep trying and try and it's not working out. Right. So at some point, you know, if we're praying, we need to understand that that's a lot answering artists and

01:20:34 --> 01:20:38

the answers were in this drive, he asked for undried.

01:20:42 --> 01:20:43

Do you got to do here? Because I didn't

01:20:45 --> 01:21:02

show me agreed? Well, profits? Like, yes, there is such thing as true dreams. Even even nonprofits can have a dream. But there's don't have any way of knowing, right? Because a dream can be from three sources. If your nonprofit,

01:21:03 --> 01:21:06

it can either be true from a law.

01:21:09 --> 01:21:12

It can either be true, if it's from Allah.

01:21:13 --> 01:21:18

Or it can be from the next, my old cell, like,

01:21:19 --> 01:21:24

okay, maybe I'm just really like, worried about something, so I dream about it.

01:21:25 --> 01:21:26

Or it could be from shape on.

01:21:28 --> 01:21:31

Or it can be from shape on. So however, the difference,

01:21:32 --> 01:21:37

like I'm going to make this huge decision based on a dream, it could be from my phone.

01:21:38 --> 01:21:53

Or it could be from what I ate last night for dinner, you know, like, and, of course, interpreting the dream as I want to, because you know what, I haven't think about a dog and then that means that the dog he is with D, and the person is made with D so that

01:21:57 --> 01:21:58

I can also do that.

01:21:59 --> 01:22:25

So it's it's common isn't isn't like, you know, even anyway, it's the heart essentially is asking a lot to take over to make it happen smooth and blessing, if it's good for you and to take it away if it's not. So I highly, highly recommend you get back into this sooner of doing a staccato because we don't know what's best for us. We don't know the answer.

01:22:28 --> 01:22:30

I had a question. Okay.

01:22:32 --> 01:22:36

In terms of like asking for forgiveness to like, purify our hearts,

01:22:37 --> 01:22:38


01:22:39 --> 01:22:39


01:22:43 --> 01:22:46

our mind, remember, or like be aware of?

01:22:50 --> 01:22:52

Or ask for forgiveness in general?

01:22:53 --> 01:22:54

The answer is both.

01:22:56 --> 01:22:57

We need to both

01:22:59 --> 01:23:27

can be like about a specific segment, where you you're making repetitive specifics. And it also should be like, like something that you do the stuff for loss of the profit is so bad that he would say stuff for a while, numerous times a day, when narration says 100 times a day, it was something that was part of his regular upload. So the answer is both and that's all part of the purifying. And then there's also the is the call for specific things.

01:23:30 --> 01:23:59

Really quickly, let me just just say it since you did ask, so the requirements for like a specific type of Toba or SFR. So if you committed a specific sin one repent from that specific sin. So the first requirement three requirements sometimes or depending on what the sin is, what does that mean you feel a sense of remorse, you feel bad about Listen, the second is that you stopped doing

01:24:00 --> 01:24:31

and then third is that you make intention not to return to it. Okay? The fourth is when your sin involves the rights of another human being and that's to try to rectify it without without a human being if possible. One example is is stealing stealing is a sin against scar but it's also a sin against human right because you taking someone else's right. So in that case, it would involve making right with God but also with the person. And that's not always possible. But but it's possible. Yeah.

01:24:35 --> 01:24:44

I just had a question. As a mom, we just saw you over you heard your time, but any advice or a part specifically for moms?

01:24:51 --> 01:24:57

So the last part of the question, the chaos of just just being a mom, yes. Okay. Okay.

01:24:59 --> 01:24:59


01:25:00 --> 01:25:09

Actually, again, the best advice I can give to them all, like, first best advice is do your up God. Like, I'm serious, because

01:25:10 --> 01:25:11

the thing about

01:25:12 --> 01:25:33

the thing about doing your offer, especially if you're like, on top of your absolute basics, your five prayers, your, your off quarter morning, evening, and you know, before you sleep, and as much as you can, you know, when you're driving, you say, oh god, you know, when you're when the before you eat after repair. What that does is it changes your state,

01:25:34 --> 01:25:52

it changes your state. So you're able to do more in less time. That's huge. There's something called Baraka. Baraka means blessing, and it's when a loss of habitat was blessing in your time, for example, then you can do more in less time,

01:25:53 --> 01:26:16

you can do more with less effort, right. But upon your efforts means that you can get more with less effort, butterfat, your wealth, that you can, your wealth will be able to do more with less wealth. So we want, we want to help a lot, that's just that. It allows you to be a lot more patient, which is really, really necessary.

01:26:17 --> 01:26:28

Especially with children, that tests your patience. And of course, they're designed to test especially your buttons, right? Because they from your genes.

01:26:29 --> 01:26:30


01:26:33 --> 01:26:46

and you told us that that our children are a test that our children are with them, and not in a vacuum, but it's a test. It's a test and children are definitely a test. One other advice I want to give to moms.

01:26:47 --> 01:26:57

And I wish we had more time to talk about this one. But one mistake that a lot of moms do is that we we do to law for our children,

01:26:59 --> 01:27:02

we revolve around our children.

01:27:03 --> 01:27:08

So that's very dangerous and unhealthy. I'll explain what I mean by that.

01:27:10 --> 01:27:40

Because the love that a mother feels for the child is this natural, this is mercy, it becomes a test for her to where we we can put the children at the center of our life, the center of our existence, really, and everything becomes about the child. Now, this becomes dangerous for the individual, but also become dangerous for the marriage. Because what happens is you stop investing in your marriage.

01:27:41 --> 01:27:44

And both parents are just holding hands to walk together around the child.

01:27:47 --> 01:28:11

That was like the only the only relationship they have is that they're both together doing the child, you don't say they stopped being husband and wife and they're just Mom and Dad, you know what I'm talking about? It's all the kids, it's all about the dude, stop worshiping your time. It's not all about the kids. And this is also not very healthy, because we're raising narcissists.

01:28:12 --> 01:28:14

That's another problem, especially the boys.

01:28:18 --> 01:28:19

I say that because they feel bad.

01:28:21 --> 01:28:26

So when you in specially in certain cultures, I mean, certain cultures,

01:28:29 --> 01:28:32

especially in certain cultures have a sub

01:28:33 --> 01:28:35

is like the sun.

01:28:40 --> 01:29:26

And so, you know, you know what I'm saying? So that's so dangerous, that's so unhealthy and happy. That's the one of the biggest mistakes he made is that now it's like this child. And like I said, specifically, the sun becomes the center of everyone's universe, especially the mom. And she gives everything about her own life and her own development and her own growth. Even her own relationship with her husband, everything gets put aside. And now it's all about the needs of this, this child. And that's an imbalance that is unhealthy. And to worship a child and that we worship, right you're not praying to God, but this is a type of worship

01:29:27 --> 01:29:59

is very unhealthy to that child. Now the child grows up. And let's add to that is that during this koloff the child is also not learning to be responsible, is not learning to do things for themselves. You know, you have these boys who are not even making their own beds, you know, they're not they're not taking any responsibility outside of playing video games. And that's a problem. That's the opposite. It's created you're handicapping the child. Right through not letting them do it.

01:30:00 --> 01:30:06

for themselves, they don't know how to do anything. And, and we, and we, as moms, we call it love.

01:30:08 --> 01:30:44

Right? Because I love my child. That's why I'm everything for them. But you're handicapping him. Because when he learned to be a mentor, because you know what is supposed to be a man can't be a man child, it can't be a boy, forever, it has to become a man. And a man is then going to be responsible for his family. And he's supposed to have, you know, these are leaders that were supposed to be raising, right? So it is a problem. And it's, it's something that we have to start changing as long as so since you asked it.

01:30:45 --> 01:30:49

That that is that is something that we need to start talking about.

01:30:50 --> 01:30:53

Yeah. But one of the things I'm going to add,

01:30:54 --> 01:30:58

this is also why we're having later on, we have issues with the mother in law.

01:31:00 --> 01:31:12

This is the reason this is the reason is because the mother, so becomes the mother of all right to marry her son. But the problem was that long ago.

01:31:15 --> 01:31:18

Long ago, she gave up her,

01:31:19 --> 01:31:47

like, just playing a walk around this child. And now he's 35. And she's not about to lose that. You don't say? Like, like, oh, like, you think that you're gonna come marry my son. And everything I did for him is just, you know, you know what I mean? So it becomes like this attachment. That's very, not healthy.

01:31:49 --> 01:32:32

It's not healthy. Because but but what's the root cause of it is because we had an unhealthy, this, this was an unhealthy, it, our life is not supposed to revolve around another human being. Even if it's your own child, even if it's your spouse. Yeah, it's not. That's that's an imbalance that's, that's our life is supposed to revolve around our career. That's what it means to be outdoors. And this is the freedom that comes with our true belief is that I'm not doing this around my child. And then we have healthier relationships, they're not going to have that whole mother in law issue. Because if the relationship from the start is healthy,

01:32:34 --> 01:32:36

maybe we should end on that note.

01:32:37 --> 01:32:40

Okay, how much time do we have for any more?

01:32:42 --> 01:32:43

One more question. One more, all right.

01:32:44 --> 01:32:50

Over here, it's always hard, who has the most I was asked us and everyone says me, what's the most important question ever?

01:32:51 --> 01:32:52

Oh, you have my

01:32:53 --> 01:32:54


01:32:57 --> 01:32:58

What's it?

01:33:03 --> 01:33:04

Thank you.

01:33:06 --> 01:33:12

Thank you for coming, I was really excited to see you. So I'm so glad I made you ever live. And I hope to

01:33:13 --> 01:34:02

phenomenal. But I'm in chaos. I turned on the video of yours. And it really helped me through my challenges. So I really appreciate that. But my question is, I hear your talks and say you mentioned something about suburbs and their oppression? How do you get a situation of chaos? Right? Like how do you know if something you should seek patience and, and prayer and versus something that you maybe they have progressed with? So where does that come in? Yeah, great question. And again, that that's actually something I do cover in a lot of my talks. And that's something that's so important people misunderstand the meaning of sock. So some, this word some doesn't mean being passive is not

01:34:02 --> 01:34:37

the same thing. So soccer has basically something as an umbrella term, which includes different action depending on the situation. Does that make sense? So sometimes sub means taking action. Sometimes sub means accepting the decree of the law. Sometimes solver means persevere. So solver is an inclusive term. So it actually depends on the situation. Now what is the prophets I said, and tell us about oppression? The prophets I said, and tells us that if you see something wrong, you should try to change it with your hands.

01:34:38 --> 01:35:00

He doesn't say if you see something wrong, have some other sister. That's not what the prophet sighs. If you see something wrong, you should try to change it with your hand. And if you cannot, he said that with your tongue, speaking against it, and if you cannot get at least hatred in your heart, and this is the weakest. So it's part of our

01:35:00 --> 01:35:13

Faith to try to take action against oppression against something that's wrong. And a lot of users soliciting that help your brother if he is an oppressor or he is oppressed.

01:35:14 --> 01:35:24

So the competitors wonder the same thing all of you are wondering, which is, well, we know how to help him if he's oppressed, but how do I help him if he's the oppressor? And he said, by stopping

01:35:26 --> 01:35:41

by stopping him from oppressing meaning, meaning we should not be complicit in oppression, when I allow oppression to continue, I'm not helping my brother, when I stop someone from oppressive, unhealthy.

01:35:42 --> 01:36:29

So the question comes to, it depends if the situation is actually an impression, or an overstepping of your rights. Does that make sense? So he got in his messenger have told have given us what our rights are, there are certain things that were given by a law that that this is your right, as a human being, that this is your right as a child, this is your right as a wife, this is your right as a husband, this is your right, you're given by God. So this is called a god given right? It's given by our law. If someone tries to take away in God given right, then that's our question. And that's not something you should turn the other cheek about. That's not what Socrates saw that it would be,

01:36:29 --> 01:36:47

for example, if there's a situation where somebody, there's something that can't be changed. So for example, someone passes away, you can't change that. So you have some of you, you accept the decree of the law without complaining against the law.

01:36:48 --> 01:36:55

But when there's a situation that can be changed, and you should take action to change it, that's part of our worship.

01:36:56 --> 01:37:09

So oppression is not something that we're supposed to turn the other cheek, if someone is taking away your God given right, or the God given right of another person. So so that's part of

01:37:10 --> 01:37:24

taking action against oppression. And that's called sovereignty, because somebody is sometimes an active word it means to persevere. So it depends on the situation, but if there is oppression, we're not supposed to stay quiet about it.

01:37:29 --> 01:37:30

So that's it. Okay.

01:37:38 --> 01:38:00

Just a couple of announcements. I do have a few copies of my books. I have two books, we pick our heart, love and happiness, with the ability to hear all silent and shut one if you guys want photos. Also, we'll have more information if someone is looking for coaching, that has been the center based coaching for couples and specifically for men. So if you're interested or you're someone who's interested, you can get more information.

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