Channel: Yasir Qadhi
Shaykh Yasir Qadhi delves into the topic of family and children in this important lecture.
Children are one of the greatest blessing from Allah but with every blessing comes responsibility.How do we take charge of status of the relationship between ourselves and our children? How do we raise our children in the most impeccable manner so that they too make the best of families?
Taking care of children transcends religion. For instance, when our Prophet ﷺ was engaged in Salah in the most humble position of sujood, his grandchild Hassan RA jumped onto his back and our Prophet ﷺ lengthened his sujood so that Hassan RA would not fall off and get hurt. Our Prophet ﷺ loved children and he would often show his love by kissing his grandchildren Hassan RA and Hussain RA and playing with them.
Why do we coerce our parents into praying Salah at its stipulated times with utmost authority? The reason is a very selfish one and Shaykh Yasir explains that it is because we make our children understand that there is an authority that is above parents too and that is Allah SWT.
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La La La What are Sula who fucka defies 1000 alima abide by the brothers and sisters in Islam. In last week's course. We talked about the importance of a good family and we talked about the rights of the husband and wife and in today's hold about inshallah tada we will continue the same theme and talk about the importance of parents and some of the Islamic principles and tips that we as parents need to know when we deal with our children. We all know my dear brothers and sisters in Islam, that children are of the greatest blessings of life. Allah subhana wa tada tells us in the Quran, Allah, Luna z natural hayata dunya money and children that's what makes life beautiful for us. And Madhava
Luna z natural higher to dunya what makes life worth living even for those who don't believe in a god? For us of course we have the Hara. But even for those who don't have any Eamon what makes life sweet.
And no one mentioned this as a blessing for us as a blessing that He has given us. Allah says in the Quran, there can be a word in words. Allah is the one who has given you, he has aided you, he has helped you he has blessed you with money and with children. And that is why having children This is a natural desire in every human being. It's ingrained in us. Allah says in the Quran, z nurse chahatein Anissa, he will burn in. It is pleasing to men. It is alluring to men that they desire women and they desire children, every single person and of course the eye is directed to men that they weren't women. And of course women as well what husbands women as well, they have the same
desire, they want a loving spouse, they want a healthy relationship, and they want children as well. And in the Quran, we have so many stories of those who did not have children and they want to have children so much so that they will even adopt in order to have a child the famous story of
disease in the Quran use of the story of use of and the family that adopts him, they did not have a child, what does the wife say. And in fact, the exact same phrase that this woman says another woman also says in the Quran, and that is the wife of Freetown, Sierra Leone. And as these two different people in two different time places, they both did not have children. And when their wives discovered this child when when Asya the wife said I would seize this child. And when the wife of Aziz, when Aziz brings home Yusuf they both say the exact same thing. As a foreigner, I wanted to have this child, hopefully he will benefit us, and we will adopt him as a son, we will take him as a
son, you see children, they are parents, excuse me, they want children that when they grow older, these children will benefit them, that when they grow older, somebody will take care of them. They should parents, they have it inside of them to see their children flourish, to see their children grow. It is an amazing psychological reality that no human being on the face of this earth wants to see another human better than him. Except for the father when it comes to his son or the mother when it comes to her daughter. You don't want to see your cousin richer than you or your uncle smarter than you even if you accept it grudgingly. But you don't you're not happy to see another person
richer than you. You're not supposed to see another person with a better job than you. You will accept it as a reality of life. Okay, so there are people that are above there are people that are below, but the only time that you will feel happy that someone is better than you is your own son or daughter. You will genuinely feel proud. That's my boy. That's my daughter. He's done this he's done that no jealousy at all. 100% support. And this is an amazing psychological reality that Allah subhana wa tada
Created in every one of us. And that is why, as I said, it's a natural desire to have children. Ibrahim alayhis salam, he doesn't have a son or child, he makes the right to Allah. So Allah sends him an angel to tell him Yes, you're gonna have a child, you and solder will have a child. And after this child, you'll even have a grandchild and Zachary and he said, He's making dua to Allah, that beautiful, that poetic, that the
cannot be sharqiya next door to Allah in a language that is so beautiful, we cannot even translate into English, but he makes that he wants to childhood if you need to mean
that I want a child that you inherit from me that you'll carry my progeny on. And therefore it is indeed a sign of mercy from Allah subhana wa tada that he has allowed us to have children, and that we take care of these children and taking care of children as well is a human emotion. It transcends religion and culture, Muslim and Catholic. We all love our children, the famous story of the veteran who came to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. And he saw the Prophet system kissing Hassan and Hussein playing with them, throwing them up in the air, and this is his grandson, this is his grandson, he can you imagine what he would have done with his own children, we don't have any
stories of how he raised Fawlty men, and amico when they were babies because this was pre Islam. But we have stories of Hassan and Hussein that he would kiss them and he will play with them. And he would allow them to come on his back when he was in such the the most, the most humble and the most religious position. But when Hasson is on his back, crawling, he allows his son to play even if this is kind of interfering with saw that, that that love that He has for his grandson, it allows him to remain and says the longer so that has said is not hard when he stands up. So he's playing with his grandchildren, and he kisses them. And this better one, he is amazed. He's astonished. And he says,
Do you kiss your children? Because in their culture, it was considered unmanly to show this love. It was considered a sign of weakness to show love to your children? Do you kiss your child like this? By Allah, I have 10 children, and I've never once kissed one of them. He's trying to boast that he is so manly. He's so much Oh, that he has never kissed any of his children. And the powerful system, even though he was the gentle metal in Iranian and he had the height of other. When he saw such callousness, he could not help but give a callous response back. Because sometimes you have to be harsh, and sometimes you have to be strict. This man is boasting that he is not merciful to his
children. And he's swearing.
And he's using a last name to feel a sense of pride that I'm so detached from my kids. And what did the Prophet says to them say? Oh, I'm lick. Do I have any control over your attitude? And under Allahu taala meta mill, pelvic? Allahu Allah. Allah, that Allah subhana wa tada has snatched away from your heart? Is it my fault that you have no amount that you're boasting that you don't kiss your own children? And this is a harsh response. This is a verbal slap on the face to this man. But sometimes harshness requires harshness, and this boasted require a third response back to it that are you boasting that you've never kissed your children, and then you expect me to sympathize or
have mercy. It's not my fault. He said that our law has strict your heart of any mercy. And this clearly shows us brothers and sisters, that in our religion, to have a loving attitude towards your children, this is a sign that Allah subhana wa tada has blessed you. It's a sign that you have a hammer in your heart, as we said last week, that it is not the sign of a man to mistreat his woman. Now we say in this whole book, it is not the sign of a man or a woman. It is not the sign of a loving parent to mistreat their own children to be harsh to always be strict on their children. And indeed, as Allah subhanho wa Taala has blessed us with children with every blessing comes
responsibilities. With every blessing comes responsibilities. There is no blessing that comes with no strings attached. Children are the one of the biggest blessings of life. In fact, they are really what makes life worth living for everyone amongst us who does not even as we said, even without people without any religion, children will make their life worth living. How about us, we'll have a man of course, children make our life much better living. So with that blessing comes responsibility. And the primary responsibility that Muslim parents have is to raise their children to be righteous Muslims to be good Muslims, Allah subhana wa tada says in the Quran, yeah, you know,
and full circle. Lee come narrow. Oh, you will believe it is your responsibility to protect
yourselves and your families from the punishment of Allah subhana wa tada
and our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said
Odin, Android, the Android yet he fell.
Every one of you is a shepherd, and you're responsible for your flock. And number one, he said, the father is responsible for his flock. And then the mother is also responsible for her flock, the father and the mother. He mentioned the both of them in this heavy, they are both responsible for their flock and the flock is but one because the children are the same. both mother and father are responsible for the same flock, they're responsible for the same set of sheep of your life. And both of them will be asked by Allah subhana wa tada about how they dealt with their flock with their responsibility. And therefore in today's short haul, I wanted to remind myself and some of you have
some practical advice about tarbiyah about raising children. And today's whole debate is primarily directed at the parents, like last quarter was directed at the spouses, and there still remains another hot button that should be directed at the youth that is a separate topic and a separate list if you'd like in a separate methodology to talk to them. That's a separate issue. Today is hope. But the emphasis is on the parents. Those who are parents pay heed those who are not yet parents pay extra heed, because every one of us Allah subhana wa Taala, blesses and tests and tries through the issue of children. The first advice to myself in all of you, and really the most important advice,
the best way to raise one's children is to be a role model yourself in their lives. If you yourself are not of good character, there is no way that your children will have a good character after you. And this is the ultimate reality. Brothers and sisters were lucky the media is to blame a lot. Television is to blame a lot internet is to blame a lot, society is to blame a lot. But the number one blame for a disrupted family. The number one blame for a broken family is the parents themselves. This is the number one blame. And so before any of us and I speak to myself, before I speak to any of you, before any of us is ready to point our finger anywhere else, be prepared to
take a solid look in the mirror. Because the number one guilty report in any Brooklyn family, in any broken relationship is the person you're looking at in the mirror. If you have not been a role model to your son or daughter, if you have not lived up to the ideals that you should live up to, then how can you blame your own child for failing to live up to those responsibilities. And there are two elements here by the way, when it comes to being a role model. There are two elements here there's a worldly element and there's a religious element. There's a Dini and there's a there's a psychological and there's also a spiritual when it comes to psychological when it comes to the
worldly element. There is the simple common sense here. Kamata Dino to Dan as you do, it shall be done unto you. It's not a coincidence, brothers and sisters, there are 1000s of surveys done. It's not a coincidence that children who grow up with parents who are smoking are much more predisposed. predisposed to smoking is that children who grow up in abusive households abusive relationships, when the husband is beating the wife that these children will also be their spouses when they grew up. It's not something that takes rocket science, as you do in your family, your children will do when they grow up. This is the reality. This is the fact of science of psychology. And it doesn't
take rocket science, and the fact of the matter and I go back to last week's hold about this, if you're miss you miss treating your wife if you're abusing your wife, or you're going to blame your son when he grows up, and he also then starts abusing his wife. If all you do is scream and shout at your wife, ask yourself, do you want your doctor to have a husband like you ask yourself this? Do you want your doctor to be treated the way you treat your own wife, the mother of your daughter. So relationships begin in the house relationships begin with oneself as you do unto others, your child will learn to do unto others. And this is what he the fact that scientists, psychologists, everyone
can tell you, and it doesn't take a genius to figure this out. So the first way to have good children is to be a good man or a good woman yourself. The first one to have children that are polite children that are respectful is to be polite and respectful in your own life to others. And I have seen with my own eyes, brothers and sisters and I am now of middle age. I have grown up here. I'm of that generation that is of the first generation to immigrant parents here in America. And I have seen plenty of horror stories and plenty of good stories of the children of my generation that are now young adults that are now reaching their maturities and crimes. I have seen with my own
eyes, brothers and sisters that every time
Husband and wife a couple had good Islamic values in their life. The child eventually returns to Islam. Even Surely, yes, I have seen sometimes children go away, especially in the teenage years, especially in the young 20s. But if the husband and wife raised them with an atmosphere of love with an atmosphere of Islam, then when the child comes of age, when the child becomes 25, or 30, becomes a married adult, automatically, they revert back to the only memory they have of living like a family, and that's the memory of their parents. And I have seen with my own eyes, so many of my friends, go through rebellious teenagers go through a lot of evil dating womanizing, drugs, alcohol,
then they go into young men and women, they get married, they start their careers, and all of a sudden, they turn over a new leaf.
And why is this the case? Because when they are blessed with children, when these children have children of their own, as young men and women, and they realize, you know what, I can't afford to let my son or daughter go, they have to change their own lives around and how do they change it around, as I said, to the one memory that they have, the One World model that they grew up with, and that is their parents. And I have yet to see one example of a young man or woman who has grown up in a religious environment who permanently relieves that religious environment, I have yet to see one example in my own extended relatives and family and extended acquaintances that I knew growing up,
this is the reality that I have experienced. And of course, there might be one or two exceptions, but the general rule of thumb as the family is, so to when this child grows up, he will replicate that family in his own family. And so you want to have children, start with yourself, start with your own relationship with your spouse, this is the human level, there is a spiritual level as well. And the spiritual level I've spoken about it here on this number many times and the best example of this is the story of credit. And the young boy that he killed. Why did Allah subhana wa Tada, spear those two parents from this boy, why didn't Why give them another boy, that was better for them.
Allah says in the Quran.
The other way is Saudi hain, the parents were righteous. The two mother and father, the mother and father were good people they were,
they were believers in Allah Subhana Allah to Allah. So Allah did not want to test them with a rebellious with an evil child, a lot wanted to give them a good child, a respectful child. And so Allah Subhana, Allah blessed them with another child, that would be good to them, that would be righteous, because they were righteous. Allah gave them righteous children. So you want to have good children, you have to start with yourself. You have to start at home, you have to start with your relationship with your spouse, this is number one. And this is something that religion tells us science tells us psychology tells us every single doctor, every single person who knows anything
about sociology, humanities will tell us this is the way of the world camera to do to that, as you do unto others, it shall be done unto you. The second advice to myself and all of you, a Salah, a Salah Asana, this cannot be overemphasized. We need to make sure that our children grow up praying on time. Why not just because Salah is important in our religion. Of course, that is a big issue which we can get into. But we don't have time for this. Now, just because our Prophet says that I'm said
that make sure your children are praying at the age of seven, and then force them to do so at the age of 10. Not just because we're required to do so not just because Allah says in the Quran,
command your family to pray and be persistent in that command. Not just because of all of this Nope. There was also a selfish reason that every one of us should want our children to pray
with our children pray that God, we are teaching them that there is an authority higher even than their parents. There is an authority that must be obeyed even more important than the authority of the parents. And you see brothers and sisters, the one real authority to keep children in check when it comes to their parents is not the parents themselves. This is circular logic. You can't, the parent cannot force the child to respect the parent simply because it's a parent. This is circular logic. You have to go to a higher authority. And that authority is only Allah subhanho wa Taala. So when your child knows there is a law and the law is watching me and I believe in a law when your
child is praying regularly when your child has that relationship with the law and then he learns
Allah has told me to be good to my parents, I will preface this someone said my mother, then my mother, then my mother, my father, our proper system has said that gender is underneath the feet of the mother. Now he learns the Quran and Sunnah it has an impact on him. Why? Because you have taught him to believe in Allah subhanho wa Taala, you have made him a good Muslim, you've given him those values. He knows who is his low, he's preying on time. And now when his Lord tells him be good to your parents, he will listen to his look, because this is not circular logic. The mother cannot say the good mother, this is circular, right? This is going back to her. The father cannot say you have
to expect me I'm your father. These are gonna fall on flat years. And by the time the kid is a teenager, Colossi won't care anymore. But when the child believes in Allah subhanho wa Taala, when the child is a regular praying five times a day, and he knows who is his Lord, now you tell him now he learns now he's yours in the hotel, but now he understands. It is not my mother and father telling me to respect them. It is the creator of my mother and father, it is my career, it is my profit, it is my book that is telling me this. Now all of a sudden, the whole paradigm shifts, the whole reality shifts, and therefore brothers and sisters, Salah is of the utmost important element
to make sure that your children are respectful are good. And of course, there's a whole other set of issues with sign up in terms of routine in terms of punctuality, in terms of responsibility, in terms of habits, all of this we can talk about in a different order. But the person who prays regularly, all types of blessings open up including the blessings of having good children. And this again goes back to my first point, if you're not praying five times a day, how do you expect your child to be praying five times a day? If you're not living the life of the Muslim? How do you expect your child to do this as well and realize in the advice of local man at his salon, that famous
advice of local man, which is the most comprehensive passage in the Koran, about parent and child relationships and parent and child advice and perhaps in one hold but that's another hope that to be done the advice of Look man, what does look man say to his son of the first things that he tells his son when a famous sila My dear son, make sure you pray regularly establish to prayer on time. This is in the top three pieces of advice he gives believe in a word worship Allah
right in the top of the page. Yeah, buena aqui Miss Sala, all my son make sure you're doing your Sunnah. And therefore brothers and sisters, the second piece of advice to myself and all of you the sala de sala de Sala. If you're not praying, make sure you start praying and then have your family pray as well. The third piece of advice
make to offer your children regularly, sincerely make to Africa children. Let me ask you and ask yourselves this. When was the last time you raised your hands up to a law and asked a lot to make sure your children are good. ask Allah to guide your children. ask Allah to protect your children from the evils of society will love your brothers and sisters ask yourself this, if you're not asking a law for it? Why do you think you're gonna get it? How do you think you're gonna get it? If you're not asking a lot for good children? If you're not asking a lot to protect your children, frankly, what is your love for your children? Well, one of the most important hours you should
always be making
tells you to make this to
the outlet tells you in the Quran
that Allah bless us with good wives and good children, those that give us coolness of the eye, ie they make our lives easy. They don't make our lives difficult. Man as well. You know what the reality now our union, this should be our regular da. And our Prophet says Adam said that the of the father for his son. And the meaning here is the mother for his army and the child, the parent for the child, the doula that the parent has for the child. Allah never rejects that too. I always accepts it. So Pamela, one of the most acceptable draws one of the most highest chances of being accepted that you are of the parent for the child. When was the last time you made? How often do you
make draw for your children? From now on? Almost every drop that you raise your hands up to Allah, include something about your children, make sure you ask Allah, Allah Allah protect my children from this environment, protect my children from the evils overlap, make them good Muslims or Allah guide them and guide others through them, make them to act from the heart. And you know what, once again those religious and psychological religiously, are what will bless them psychologically, when you're asking a lot. Then when you see an opportunity to protect your children from evil, you will do it when you see an opportunity to help your children religiously, you will because it's on your mind
all the time.
If you don't even ask Allah, then how will it come? If you don't even ask Allah, you, yourself will forget about it and you're not going to take advantage of every opportunity. The fourth piece of advice, and I speak as somebody who straddles both cultures of the east and the west as somebody who has lived for long periods of time in the east, and I was born and raised in the West, as somebody who was born as the first generation of basically the firstborn generation here of my parents who came in I speak very, frankly, that all parents amongst us who have come from different cultures to America, realize that we now live at a different time and a different place in a different society
and a different culture. Frankly, you cannot raise your children with the same rules and relationships that your parents had back home with you, it's not going to work anymore. It's a different reality. It's not just times have changed, you have literally uprooted yourself from one culture and planted yourself in a completely different culture, the techniques and tactics that your parents used with you, you cannot replicate them for this generation in this land. And therefore, you are the ones that need to learn, not the other way around. It's not your children's fault that they were born and raised here, frankly, it's yours. You came here, not them. You're the ones who
decided to come to this land, they were born in this land, they're looking at this society, they're absorbing the culture, then you're gonna get angry at them. How could you do this? How can you do that? Think about it, brothers and sisters who brought them here,
then here you are. So cut them some slack and realize you have to learn more than they will. This is their culture, it's not your culture. And in order for you to be an effective parent, you will need to broaden your horizons, you will need to develop a new type of relationship with your children. And that is a topic that is far beyond the attend 20 hood because this is a lifelong experience. But I just want to point out certain elements here, no doubt and delay, there's no question the media and television of the internet. But you know, this whole book is not about blaming them and blaming those things. That's a reality. It's a reality, I cannot change you cannot change. What can we
change? Well, what we do at home, how we filter those things out, I can't change the internet, or Nickelodeon or, or whatever the music videos are watching. This is the reality of the world we are living in. So instead of just blaming everything on that, and it might be true, there's a lot of blame there. instead of blaming everyone else, ask yourself proactively, what can I do to better the situation? Yes, the music videos are there. Yes, the evil stuff on the internet is there? Yes, drugs are everywhere. But instead of just cursing and slandering and blaming, ask yourself, what can I do to protect my son and daughter? This is the productive mentality, instead of just every pointing
finger, see what is reality? See, what is the best way to raise your child. And I have some basic points of advice here, first and foremost within this area of changing cultural paradigms, do realize brothers and sisters that our children, they do have a sense of no talk, a sense of I know better than my parents understand this. And they get this sense because of many facts of life. I mean, let's be realistic here. Our children know better than we do about technology. Our children are better than read about the latest gadgets about the latest, this and that. And I will tell you I grew up here. I thought that I knew this society and culture now that Allah has blessed me with
children of my own, believe me, I don't know the difference between this and that. And sometimes my kid comes and tells me, oh, you need to get the iPhone five. Because this has this and this has done. I don't know these things anymore. Because now I'm getting out of touch even though when I was growing up, and I grew up with the Western environment, I felt this way about my own father, that I'm more technologically advanced, that I'm in tune with everything. But this is reality that when we reach a certain age, our children are more in tune with reality. Now what technology now let me ask you put yourself in the shoes of that 10 year old a 12 year old when he knows his father does
not know how to operate a computer as well as he does. When he knows every single gadget on the market. He is more aware than his father. Isn't it natural for this 10 year old to think I know about life and reality and culture and society and people better than my father does. Put yourself in his shoes. Do you blame him? And no, it is true. The media also television also it gives this sense that the parents are backward and the child is no taller than the child is right? Yes, it is true. We can blame the media. But let's also sympathize a little bit. Is it really this child's fault now to think this way, it's our job to educate the child you know what you don't know
everything. You might know the iPod or the eye touch or the eye this better than I do. Right? But you don't know human society. You don't know interactions. You haven't tested humanity the way the way that I have. You haven't lived amongst people the way that we have and that's your job in a gentle manner.
A child. And one of the best ways to do this brothers and sisters, and this is very difficult for those amongst us who have been raised in a different society and culture will need to learn. There's a common expression in America here that parents have to be friends with their kids, you know, perhaps that's not going to happen. Let's be also realistic. But let me tell you what they frankly, perhaps you're not going to be friends with your kids. But you will have to learn to have conversations with them that are beyond just rebooting or opening or commanding, you're going to have to learn to talk to them and not at them.
He can now examine your own life. When you talk to your children. What is it about? Is it all do this? Don't do that? How could you have done this? If this was your whole relationship with your son or daughter? Frankly, you're setting yourself up for failure? When's the last time you actually had a conversation that was not working? Not commanding, not derisive, not sarcastic. Yes, they deserve a little bit of harshness once in a while. But if that's the only thing you can show them, what do you think their attitude will be a view, especially when they grow older, especially when they hit the teenagers, especially when they get their car and they get their first taste of freedom? I
agree, perhaps in our culture, you can't be a friend to the child, okay. But you must be friendly with them. You must have some positive relationship that is above and beyond just puking and, and always getting angry at them. Have a conversation? What's happening? What's going on? What did you learn in school, take them out, spend some quality time with them. And this is one of the biggest differences maybe between the previous culture or the previous generation, our generation that perhaps for many of us, our fathers didn't really go out and play soccer and basketball with us with our friends, perhaps, and you're not criticizing that maybe that works back there, I don't know. But
over here in this land over here, where we are, you have to have some type of friendly relationship with your own son or daughter. Let me put it this way. Let me be really Frank here. If your son or daughter does not feel comfortable coming to you for a problem that they're facing, because of a mistake they might have done, that will lie, this is a very big problem. If your son or daughter has committed a mistake, and let's be honest, they're all going to commit mistakes, because that's a part of growing up. Did you not also commit some mistakes when you were teenagers? Let's be honest here, right? If your son or daughter commits a mistake, and then they don't want to come to you for
help to clear that mistake up? Well, then honestly, how are you being a good parent there, you will need to have the doors of communication open. If your son or daughter is going through a standard probably have a teenage years, when they reach 1314 hormones are gonna kick in, they're gonna be interested in somebody the opposite gender, they're surrounded by drugs, pornography is everywhere. If you're not going to open up the channels of communication, if your son or daughter feels awkward coming to you, well, then they're gonna go to another teenager, they're gonna go to the internet, they're gonna go somewhere else for help. No doubt, maybe our parents could never have spoken to us
about these issues. But I am telling you, as somebody who straddles both generations, we need to be frank with our children, we need to tell them about things. And honestly, they probably know these things before you've mentioned them. But the very fact that you open up the topic, the very fact you take your 13 year old son and you tell them about the problems of internet pornography, the problems Believe me every 13 year old knows about pornography, believe me, every single teenager knows about this. If you're not gonna open up the door, if you're gonna be so taboo, I can't do this. Well, then how do you expect him to come for help to you if something happens that he needs some help about?
There has to be open channel of communication, mothers, talk to your daughters about the realities of this world. Talk to your daughters about basic biological facts, let them know that Listen, if you need any help, I'm here for you just give a generic statement like this. If you need anything come to me first, I will help you out just generic statements like this so that they know that their parents are there to help them in case they need that help. Few more, a few more points. Now point number six in our list here.
The Quran tells us level tenderly uttama had a double up on the caffeine and this to me.
to basically summarize, the Quran is saying, test your children with responsibilities test the orphans in this case that are being raised in the family, give them responsibility and see how intelligent they are. So a part and parcel of raising children is to stop treating them like kids when they're no longer kids. As our children grow up to become young men and women, and when do they become young when a woman according to Islamic Sharia when they hit puberty, and what that means at the age of 13 1415 max but usually 1314 islamically speaking these young children are now fully grown adults according to the shediac
which means they are legally responsible for their sins for their, for their personal lives for their son or for their relationships when they hit puberty, they are young men and women according to the media. And I have said this many times before, one of the biggest complaints that I have about modern culture is this period of adolescence of teenage years, where children are treated like children, even though intellectually biologically, they're adults. Personally, I don't believe in this, you start treating a 13 year old like a young man or woman, because they are or at this stage a young man or woman, you give them responsibilities. Now, obviously not all at once you test them
bit by bit, as the Quran says word thoroughly. uttama. And the verse is about an orphan. When when do you return the money that again, it applies to our own children, give them responsibility, and our scholars have explained this. And they say, so you give some money to the child and you say that when he's in the marketplace, go buy this and then see, does he buy the right item or not, and then you increase that responsibility. This is a part of our culture, you cannot pamper your kids until they're 18 years old, it's not gonna work that way, our children are gonna face the real world. So we have to prepare them responsibilities at home. And yes, you can quote me on this to your
children, as well. So very important part of growing up there, no one's gonna have the mother to clean after them. You have to have children learn to become self sufficient. This is a reality for their own good. You need to wash your dishes, you need to take care of you and clean your room called do your clothes, this is a part of the responsibility to grow up. If you're going to treat them like kids, well then don't complain when they're 18. And they're still acting like kids, you need to start treating them like young men and women. And the final point, the time is of the essence here, there was much more but time is of the essence. The final point that I have for
today's was a good environment, Islamic environment, the masjid Islamic classes, Sunday schools, and I put this the last because many of you put it number one, and they don't realize this is in fact, the very last issue. Number one is yourself. Number one is your own house. Number one is the family environment. If that is an order, everything else is secondary. But many families they literally think of Sunday school or the masjid one hour a week to be the magic cure. They drop their kids off, then they pick them up in an hour. And then they complain and they say chef, my kid is rude to me. And that's the only exposure they have to Islam. Is that one hour of Sunday school? No, this is the
very last thing but it is also important. Come regularly to the masjid let them see what is Islam. Let them see the Muslims, let them interact with other Muslim children. And that's why you were very eager about not just building a Masjid. We want to build a Family Center. We want to build a place where our youth are pushing us to come and go. They're interested to come to chill out to play basketball to just socialize, because we want them to be in this environment. Islam is not just about the Salah, it's about living your life. And that's what we want over here as well. So yes, it is important that I put this right at the end of the list because the most important is at the home.
The most important is you and your wife, then everything else is secondary. But outside of the house, what can you do? No doubt outside of the house, the most important thing is to have a good environment for your children to make sure that their friends are also Muslim children that you go to the masjid as frequently as possible and realize brothers and sisters a hot button is not going to solve the problem. It is a change in my lifestyle and your lifestyle and the final point of the first football, realize that Subhanallah there is no magic cure. There is no solution to all of this even if you follow all of these guidelines, it is indeed possible that a lot of tests people with
calamities and difficulties look at the Prophet know how to his Salaam and his son and what happened with his son and know Allah His Salaam is a prophet and know all of these things and much more than these things. But Allah chose to test them in a certain manner. So do realize that there is no magic cure. It's a learning process is an ongoing process and we do what we can we'll do our to Allah with help from Allah subhana wa Taala with our own luck and manners and we put our trust in Allah subhanho wa Taala barrel colagreco for him when I finally welcome him I see him that he will declare Hakeem ahora Mata Simone was still for the Lord out Emily welcome when decided Muslim include them
in festival in the halls of food or
at hamdulillah Al Hamdulillah. Hua hadn't had a summer the lady limited when a mula mula Hakuna had,
can ask the brothers to move forward, we're already packed in there are people outside so try to minimize the space. Brothers and sisters the rewards of raising a good family, a righteous family are too many to mention. And the losses for not doing so also to great I conclude this quote by by simply reminding us of one ayah that talks about the blessings and one eye that talks about the opposite of that as for the blessings of Allah subhana wa Tada.
says, well the back to the rear to whom the man and I'll How can I be him to return home
those people who believed Allah says women
and their children after them, then follow them in that belief. We show those children with their parents up in gender and make a few comments and other scholars comment and they say what this means is that if the parents lived a good life and they tried to have their children follow in that life, then even if the children didn't reach that high standard, Allah subhanho wa Taala will bless them and upgrade them to be with their parents, as they were like one family in this dunya they shall be like that family in the era. What a beautiful blessing that is, what a beautiful blessing that is that will receive Hannah Rotella will bless parents through their children and children through
their parents, that if one or two of them was insufficient, with weak then Allah will overlook that because of the family. This is what the IRA is saying that the general family they were upon a righteous mentality. They were good people, what are two there for sure.
I bring them back to the whole family as they were in this life, they shall be in the next life. What a beautiful blessing is that? And what is the opposite of this? If you don't live up to this, Allah says in the Quran, that Allah in the house Eden alladhina Hospital and fusa home, Li him Yama, Yama, Allah dico who al Hassan whooping what is the worst loser? Who is the worst loser? Allah says? The worst is the one who's lost himself and his family on your milk Deanna
Lee him not only did they benefit themselves, no did they benefit their families because they had this materialistic nihilistic complete with dunya with lifestyle, not caring about Allah and His Messenger not having anything of Islam. They might have enjoyed this life. But then in the Acura, they lost themselves, they lost their families, they lost everything. zydeco Hua astronomer being that is the ultimate loss. May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us from ever facing that loss Aloma in the dying for a minimum a llama la
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Cola huhtala Akbar welcome is sada