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Spousal Abuse Under Lockdown

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Yasir Qadhi

Channel: Yasir Qadhi

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

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Tip number seven

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Zani hi dee

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dee

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dee doo

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Salam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

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oh,

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oh

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oh

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oh

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oh

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oh

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oh

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oh

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hi

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all

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Alhamdulillah all praises due to a loss of Hannah Horta Allah, to Whom belongs the dominion he attends who had made for us the earth as a solid foundation. And he sent down to us the rain, and he blessed us with fruits and vegetation. He created us from one man and one woman, and from the two of them made many tribes and nations and he preferred the children of Adam over the rest of his creation. He sent to us His chosen Prophet, the one of the praise worthy station to Allah and Allah alone belongs our worship, obedience and supplication. Know that Allah subhana wa Taala has reminded us to be conscious of him when he says in the Quran, yeah, Johan Latina, Morocco la hapa toccata

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wallet mo tuna illa Anta Muslim moon?

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Imagine do your brothers and sisters if one of you were to be given a priceless gift, an expensive gift, a precious gift, a gift beyond measure. And that gift were delicate, and it brought you great joy and comfort. How would you cherish and protect that gift? How would you treat that gift that was

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bestowed upon you

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know, dear Muslim that our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, the best near the best blessing that any believer can be given after taqwa is to be blessed with a righteous spouse. A righteous spouse is a blessing and gift from Allah subhanho wa Taala. A righteous spouse is a gift that makes life easy, beautiful xuyen in us it is Xena. It is something that makes life beautiful and man who will be known as he or she will hire to dunya and the spouses that Allah has blessed us with our men to give comfort to our souls and a coolness of our eyes. Allah mentions that of his miracles is that he has blessed us with spouses so that we can find Sakina Lita school no ha ha. Now, do you Muslims,

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we have heard many hood buzz about the blessings of spouses and about the good treatment of our wives and why is good treatment of their husbands. But what we have to acknowledge is that this pandemic, unfortunately, has brought out a nasty side in many people being cooped up in one house. Being under locked down with your life partner has unfortunately brought out the worst in some amongst us. And we are hearing across this country and frankly, across the globe, we are hearing of so much more physical and mental abuse. We're hearing of marriages, on the break down on the verge of breakdown or even breaking down in this pandemic. And it is high time that we remind ourselves of

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the responsibilities that each of these two partners has. Dear Muslims realize that our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam seldom has shown us what it means to be the best of all husbands the best of all humans. He has demonstrated in his life solo law, why they he was seldom what it means to be a true believer and a true gentleman. We know that. The farewell hosted by that he gave five paragraphs, one of them was dedicated to the treatment of women think about that. The last message that he left us with only five paragraphs he gave in front of 100,000 men on the debt mountain out of out of fats in the farewell pilgrimage and an entire paragraph he dedicated to the treatment of

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women he spoke because he's speaking to the men and he said to them, that all men be conscious of a law it's a law here means Be conscious remember Allah subhana wa tada with regards to your women folk. You will have to answer to a law you are accountable to Allah subhana wa tada with regards to your women folk. And then he mentioned the name of Allah and the covenant meaning the nigga that he says you have made them henna With the name of Allah. In other words, when we get married, we say Bismillah Li ke tabula rasa de la. The marriage contract mentions the book of Allah, it mentions the name of Allah, it's not a trivial thing. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam reminded us

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that we have to answer to Allah subhana wa tada for how we treat our women realized as well that our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam was sent to a society and in an era where spousal abuse was the norm, not the exception, where it was the norm that a husband physically disciplines his wife, this was the culture of the time. And our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam never once lifted his hand against any lady, our mother Ayesha swears by Allah, she gives us some a highlight of that will la he, our Prophet says I'm never lifted his hand against a lady or against a servant. This was in a society where it was rampant, it was common, it was the norm, but he demonstrated what it means. We

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all know of the incident that when men disciplined their wives, they complained to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam the profits are some gayborhood but the next day, and he spoke to the men, and he said yesterday, ladies came to complain about how their husbands mistreated them. And then he said, and the Hadith is in the books of the sunon. And then he said, these men ladies to be here. They are not your best men. These are not the best men. If you cannot treat your women with gentleness and kindness, then you are not the best men. Hi eurocom hydrocone la whiner hydro chameleon. The best of you are those who are best to their families and I am the best to my family.

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The best men amongst you are those who are the best to their families and I am the best to my family. The sign of a man and the sign of taqwa is to be kind and compassionate.

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It is especially to those who are surrounding you those who need you. And this is why dear Muslims, it's so painful. All of us imams are hearing stories all of us. On the other side of the aisle, we're hearing the realities of what is going on. And what it is painful to hear that, especially because of this lockdown, men are becoming even more nasty. Now. It's a two way street. In terms of being nasty, no doubt, men and women are totally equal. Under the law, we are equally human and equally nasty potential. But do brothers. Yes, both husbands and wives can be mean. But when it comes to abuse, generally speaking, the husbands because of their personalities, because they have

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the higher status in terms of finances, in terms of physical strength. In terms of abuse. Generally speaking, men are more guilty than women in terms of you know, bad manners. Many women are equally guilty. We are both human being. But in terms of abuse, crossing a red line, getting to something that is downright unethical and an Islamic there is no question that both sides are guilty, but one is guilty or than the other. And not because one is more nasty is because we are socially economically privileged, because the woman generally speaking relies on the man for the house for the rent for the groceries, generally speaking, the woman is the weaker sex physically speaking. So

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when it comes to the potential for abuse, there is no question that men generally speaking, and again, I'm not exonerating that women are all innocent, sometimes it is the other way around. But generally speaking, it is the man who is more abusive. So we have to be very clear and speak out against this entire endemic, systematic problem taking place, dear husbands, you will have to answer to Allah subhana wa tada on the Day of Judgment. And Day of Judgment is important. It is very important. But I asked you in all honesty, don't you want to live good lives in this world as well? Of course, we have to answer to a line that's very important. But don't you want to have a happy

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marriage in this world? Don't you realize that as you give love you shall receive as you give kindness, you shall receive it back. Also, dear parents, let me tell you another fact very bluntly speaking, how many children when they grow up, they resent one of their parents because how they treated the other parent, come and talk to any one of us. We will give you a horror stories. How many young men and women they grow up and when they become adults, they never speak to their mother or sometimes their father, depending on who was doing the abuse. And they say, oh, because they treated the other spouse this way. I saw how my father treated my mother. I don't want anything to

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do with him. I get fatwas and questions all the time shares. My father did this and that I don't want to have anything to do with him because of what he did you know, throughout our lives because of how he treated us and my mother and whatnot. What do you expect us to do other than to remind ourselves, Dear brothers, dear husbands, dear fathers, why would you do this to the very people that are around you, they're your spouse, your children, as you give unto them You shall reap in this world and also in the UK, as well. Our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said and Hadith is in was sandymount, Mohamad in the heritage of Bari fain, I am consciously reminding you of the heck of two

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week categories of people. Number one, he said the team and number two he said the woman he put the woman and the team as one and two, even though the woman is not in your team, the woman is an adult, the woman is saying body ever after, but he put her number one your team number two woman why, because generally speaking, a woman relies on her husband for food, for clothing for rent for support. And if the husband becomes mean or nasty, if the husband, you know, becomes an evil person, generally speaking, she finds it very difficult to maintain a normal sense of balance. Dear Muslims, our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam specifically told husbands a long list of what not to do.

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And one of the things he said was to come back and do not make her feel nasty about herself. In our modern psychological terms. We say this is called emotional abuse. Don't use nasty language that will hurt her feelings. Don't use something that's vulgar because the woman is created to be loving and tender. This is the default of a woman and a man can say something that will break a woman's heart and the man will not even realize it the other way around. If a woman says something the man can recover. I'm not saying it's justified, but I'm saying Allah created the two differently. The hurt that a man's phrase can have is very different than the hurt a woman's phrase can having and

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that's why our Prophet system specifically mentioned one or two cup they don't choose Caribbean language. Don't choose vulgar language, nasty language. If you become angry, be quiet, control your anger and then discuss when the situation is better dear Muslims, our prophets

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Allahu alayhi wa sallam specifically commanded us he said, Let no believing man despise his wife their believing woman. Let no man do this because and then he gave us basic human psychology. Listen to this. If he doesn't like one thing about her, for sure he will like something about her. If he does not like one thing, all of us are imperfect. think maybe your wife might have whatever, sarcastic tongo whatever, okay, she must have a good thing that he appreciates about her. Nobody is pure evil. Also, dear husband, just like your wife is tolerating. Just like you are tolerating your wife, your wife is tolerating you. Just like your wife is not perfect. You two are not perfect. Just

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like you're nitpicking things with your wife. Your wife can also nitpick things with you. It's a two way street. Nobody is made perfect. So our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is reminding us do not hate a woman if you don't like one thing for sure you will like something else look at the positives and then work with the negatives also dear Muslim realize karma to the you know to Dan as you give you shall receive the more love you show. The more respect you show, the more dignity you show, the more you shall receive. And in the end of the day, the two are not equal. We have to be very clear here. We do not believe that yes, human wise Of course we are equal spiritually we are

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equal, but men have a certain responsibility and with responsibility comes as well that privilege men have been given a certain matter that they have to be the ones that control their anger more. Allah gave them that Potala. Arigato, Cava, Mona Lisa, men are the ones that are in the guardians of women. What this means is that you're the one the buck stops with you. If your wife says something nasty, you have to be the one controlling your anger, she might be excused, and she might get away with it in the eyes of Allah, you are the one that has the highest responsibility. I'm not justifying. Maybe if a wife goes beyond no doubt she has to also control but the two are not equal.

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You're the one that is in charge of maintaining the family, their buck stops with you responsibilities in your hand. If you're going to stoop to the level of everybody else, the marriage is gonna fall apart. You have to rise up, control your anger, be the loving, be the generous and make dua to Allah insha Allah to Allah and also realize, dear Muslims, that our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam demonstrated what it means to have the perfect marriage and the perfect marriage does not mean that you never fight in his own life. sallallahu alayhi wa sallam minor Spats occurred in his own life we were well aware one month went by and he had to leave the household and sleep in

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the masjid notice he slept in the masjid. He never abused his women. I was a builder. He never kicked them out. If anger happened, he left the house he never ever said something nasty to any of our mothers. He never told them to leave. When that when the situation became really bad. He left the house and he slept in the masjid. A true husband never kicks his wife out, never forces his wife to leave the house. If something gets really bad and nasty, and they're not going to sleep together. The wife stays in the bedroom. The husband goes sleeps on the couch. If it's worse than this, the husband goes guess the hotel or the masjid or whatever it might be as our Prophet salallahu alayhi

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wasallam did because the wife needs to be maintained her sanity her safety she is the one that is taken care of like our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam demonstrated dear Muslims Allah says in the Quran and with this we conclude our first hold but why should ruhuna bill Maloof treat your women with maroof with kindness with equity, treat your women with kindness and equity. This is a commandment of Allah and a commandment from his messenger as you give unto others you shall receive May Allah subhana wa tada bless me and you will learn through the Quran and may make us of those who is versus they understand and apply His commandments throughout our lifespan. As close forgiveness

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us will ask him for his love of food and the man

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Alhamdulillah all praises due to a law the one and the unique. He alone do we worship and it is his aid that we seek. He is the Lord of the week and the one who responds to the call of the one who is oppressed. Dear Muslims. One of our problems is that we don't know the techniques for solving marital issues. Again, time is limited. I don't have time to go into a long list. But one of the problems that I see and many of us see who are in leadership positions the community, one of the biggest problems is male ego. Men do not they feel demeaned. If they get help from somebody. They feel that if they're going to open up and talk about the marital problems is as if it's as if they

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have failed in life. And that's not the reality. A lot explicitly says in the Quran, that if there is a problem between the husband and the wife, let the two of them bring in arbitration.

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Let the man find an arbitrator that let the woman find an arbitrator and let them open up to the both. This is the Quranic methodology for solving marital problems. Our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he saw a couple arguing and he got involved Hadith is in Bahati, he got involved and he said she tried to bring them together because I just want to try to bring you together. How do you visit Buhari, the famous editor buddy era he himself got involved when the profitsystem himself was having issues Abu Bakar approached, Ayesha Omar approached his daughter hafsa they got involved to try to bring them together again. If this is the case, back then how about me and you we you don't think we

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need help. There is nothing undignified about seeking help when we need it. There's nothing unmanly about a man opening up going for therapy going for counseling going for arbitration. Allah says so in the Quran, how could that be problematic? And in fact, this is the beauty dear Muslims, this is the beauty that Allah says very clearly. And this is the most optimistic verse about marriage in the Quran in UD the Islam when you have a la habana Houma if the two of them want reconciliation, if the two of them wants to make the marriage work, this is about the husband and wife. If the two of them want to come back together, Allah will bring a way for them to come back together. This is the

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guarantee in the Quran. The couples who want to be married successfully and happily, as long as they both come to the table for arbitration. Allah says through the arbitration, I will bring them back together again. Dear husbands, if your marriage is in shambles, and you don't know what to do, make dua to Allah and then open up the door to close family, close friends, your cousins, your relatives, family, friends that have known you for many years, you find an arbitrator, your wife finds an arbitrator, and then the two of you sit down with them and you open up and you go over the specifics and Allah has guaranteed in the Quran that if you want to make your marriage successful, then

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inshallah Tada. It will be successful. There's nothing wrong with getting help, it is what we do, and also do Muslims and I'll finish with this point inshallah. If you see your own close family friend or your own brother or your own cousin struggling in their marriage, then offer help like our Prophet sallallahu wasallam said Don't be nosy Don't be intrusive, but just say hey, you know if you want somebody to talk to you know my wife and I are here, we will be able to help offer your help like our Prophet Sall Allahu alayhi wa sallam did, dear Muslims were undergoing a pandemic, we have enough tension as it is. Every week people are dying. Look at the announcements every week we have a

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long list. We don't want to add to that tension, where I know we're at our wits end I know we're stuck together and small things become big, but this is the time when we need to turn to Allah. Be compassionate, be merciful. Let's not exacerbate the situation at home. Let's not make it worse. Husbands and wives turn to one another. You're on the same team you're not enemies against one another. You're on the same team in the eyes of Allah subhana wa Tada. Work together. be be be merciful and compassionate. And know that as you give unto others you will be given back unto you may Allah azza wa jal bless all of us in our marriages and our families. And remember that though

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out of the Quran robina habla anamod as wodgina was literally Tina kurata and this is the Quranic dua that gives us from our families from our children that which will bring comfort to our eyes Aloma in need are in fact mineral allama located in Africa to me the manila folder, what a hammer Illa for Raja Wallah Dana la cabeza de la Ilaha. feta while I see it en la allama Filipina what is one indigenous man, one of the two Jaffa una de la lilina Amano. robina in Nakuru for Rahim Allah humma is an Islam and Muslim in a long line Aradhana our other Islam and Muslim inhibition officially been FC, which attacked me rafita bt Yakubu Aziz rabada law in no la tada ambala can be a

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million baby hibben fc within NaVi Malacca the Kudo sip was elesa become a union regenda were insane for color coding idema in the law Hama de casa Luna de nebby Yeah, you already know amanu sallu alayhi wa sallam with a steamer llama suddenly was certainly more bilingual and an optical pseudo Mohammed while early he was submerged marine about the law in the law Tata motor will it with a sanitary the orba when hand infection will be Wellman cardiopathy Yakumo la la comunidad Kuru Kuru la la de mer Coco was curious. What do they call it? Optimus Sala