Rulings on Impurities, Attending Invalid Weddings Q&A #19
Channel: Yasir Qadhi
File Size: 45.25MB
Smilla Rahmanir Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa salatu salam ala Sayidina Muhammad Ali he was IBH Marina Mubarak will resume our regular q&a Today inshallah Allah to do we have two questions. The first of them is basic fifth one but it is one that is good to refresh our memories one of our local brothers here and epic he emails and he, when we were doing the talk of the birds duck we had mentioned the Prophet system saying that most of the other will cover is from Niger Assad is from not being careful with Nigel Assad. So our brother says, Can you believe please remind us what are the Nigel set? And what are the rulings for them? So basic fifth simple question is the
standard question. In fact, all of the books are fit they begin the very few first chapters always talk about the no just sat. And obviously, my answer today will be summarizing, but for detailed studies, choose your method and choose a flipbook. So I'll briefly summarize. Know just that ALLAH SubhanA wa Tada tells us in the Quran of the earliest of revelations with the abaca Fatah here, one of the first commandments in the Quran, which our scholars have interpreted to mean that we cannot have nudges on our clothes on our body with the Abba Fatah here, and the Shetty has come with assigning certain substances to be impure. When we say impure what is meant is that we are not
allowed to pray to ALLAH SubhanA wa Taala with the nurtures on our clothing or body. This does not mean that nudges can never touch us. It is permissible to touch an edge just for a hedge or a lower aura. It is permissible when we need to do that a mother changing or a father these days my shoulders, well changing diapers are going to touch not just okay that's what happens. It's not haram per se, to get in contact with Niger's, but it is mcru to do so for no reason. And it is haram to pray while the nurse is on your body knowingly okay. So, the sin is incurred and the punishment of the copper is only linked to the salah. It is not linked outside of Salah if a person has a need
to touch the jossa does their job, their occupation, they are responsible for something then that is not a sin per se and otherwise other than this it is more cruel to have any Niger's honest overall. So to summarize, what are the integers sat, there is nothing not just that grows from the earth, all plants, all vegetation, all natural products, rocks and stones, there is no no jossa amongst them, as well. According to the dominant position there is nothing notice from the ocean. Even a dead fish is not notice anything from the ocean is pure. The controversy from the time of the Sahaba is over. One of the main controversies is over the urine and the extra mint of animals that are eaten muck
kulula him the animals that are not eaten lions, tigers bears, that is not just their excrement, but the animals that are eaten camels, sheep,
cows goats. That is the classic controversy. And the majority position is that they are not nudges that's the majority position they're herbivores and so they're not nudges and the evidence for this the Prophet system said pray in depends of sheeps where sheep's reside you may pray in that. So from this it is it is known depends sheep pens have their excrement and whatnot. In any case, that's a controversy. Some of the mud hubs get out of this and they say that it is not just as well. There is controversy over the urine of a baby boy who is still being breastfed three of them had hips other than the Hanafis they say the urine of a baby boy is not not just the reason for this an explicit
Hadith that the prophets have said you may sprinkle over the urine of a baby boy and you must wash the urine of a baby girl why we have no reason is just the Shetty on has come with it. So if baby boy that is still feeding natural, you know it's mother's milk. Of course those days they didn't have diapers but in case the urine is leaked out, the professor said you can just sprinkle some water you can still wear the clothes is not going to be nurtured. Whereas if it is from a girl or it is an adult or a toddler that is eating and drinking, then it will be not just obviously adult and toddler human excrement and waste is obviously by unanimous consensus, not just with regards to dead
animals, dead animals. They are all not just if they are blood animals. As for animals that are not blood like insects or whatnot, these are disgusting but not not just there's a difference between the two, right? You don't want to have a dead you know, but it's not not just per se that insect for example. It is not nitrous than the jossa comes from animals that have blood that are dead. So any animal that has blood and it is a mater not a sacrifice. It's a natural
Death or death by another animal, every meter is not just living animals, living animals. There is again, a controversy. But by unanimous consensus, the pig is not just totality. As for the dog, maybe one day I'll give a longer lecture on it because we live in a society because we're surrounded by by those canines. But as for the the issue of the nightjars of the dog, there is a whole spectrum of controversy. And again, in this brief talk, I'm just going over very, very quickly, some madhhab saying nothing about the dog is not just primarily the Maliki method, the Ibn Taymiyyah and most of the or some of the Hanafi scholars said that the skin and the fur of the dog is not not just only
the saliva is not just and this is a very strong opinion is dependent on it also give it to one is even Taymiyah he strongly argued this that if a dog brushes against you, the skin of the dog is not nudges. What is nudges is the saliva of the dog, if the dog licks if the dog puts its tongue in it, and many of the other scholars said everything about the dog is not just just like the pig, so there's that controversy over there. Otherwise, most other animals they there's their skin other than these two, it is not considered and that just the only controversy is over dogs. And as for pigs, that isn't adjusted by unanimous consensus. Cats by explicit Hadith are not not just their
even their saliva, our Prophet system, explicitly Hadith in Bukhari and Muslim he allowed us to use the water that the cats had drank from, we can use it to do will do and whatnot, there is no problem with that. From human bodies, obviously, stool and urine we mentioned the other things that come out are muddy, and wordy. And muddy is the fluid that is released in the state of sexual excitement called pre seminal fluid. And this is not just according to all of the scholars of Islam, what D is a whitish fluid that comes out because of a medical issue and again, this is considered to be not just as well it is not typical, it is not common, but it is a medical issue. Sometimes that happens.
The controversy comes over the male ejaculation or the seminal fluid, the two of the madhhab say it is not not just believe it or not, two of them have their say it is not just the Shaffir is and the humble is say that the male fluid is not no jossa and they say how can it be not just one man is created from it. And Allah says in the Quran Welaka karamba bunny Adam, how can Allah create us from that which is Niger's and the other two madhhab say that it is nurture. So again, there is a controversy over that issue. Allah knows best but to the position I follow. I'm humbly as well generally is it is not not just what is in the jossa as well from the body is flowing blood. Now
this is very important. A lot of people get confused spots of blood, nose bleed, just that comes out. All the scholars say a small amount your Ciara dumb is forgiven. A prick a paper cut some nose bleed This is forgiven. What is not forgiven in terms of an adjuster is dumb and must forehead because the Quran mentions gushing blood flowing blood that blood you cannot pray in unless it is the ruler like I'm what is dying about the Allahu and they mentioned when he was stabbed to death he prayed in that state. This is the ruler What are you going to do? I mean, if you're a prisoner or something that's a loaded or otherwise flowing blood is considered to be nudges. And this is pretty
much in the majority position. With regards to leather again maybe one day I'll give a longer lecture there are Believe it or not nine opinions about leather nine different opinions about leather. Very big issue of debate amongst the classical folk Aha, we are more most concerned about pig leather because we don't choose dog leather anything like this a pig leather. There is a minor controversy. Abu Hanifa is most famous student of will use of and a number of scholars all claim that there is no and adjusted in leather. So I will use of the student of Abu Hanifa would give the fatwa that and this is not just his a number of prominent scholars they said that nothing of dried
leather once you can absolutely not dry tanned leather is the precise term once you tan leather they say it ceases being not just even if the origin is not just the dominant position is that pig will always be nervous whether it is alive whether it is dead, and no doubt it is best to avoid pig leather Allah knows best no doubt it is best to avoid it just to get out and this will also include the bristles of the pig which is used in very fancy combs you know some really fancy combs they have boar hair boar bristles when they use them. So this would also be there if you follow Abu use position. It is permissible but the dominant position of our Shetty out of the medina
is that it would not be considered permissible. The other controversy was over alcohol. By alcohol. We mean obviously, Hummer, which is ethanol, everything that intoxicates. And again, this is an issue of controversy. The dominant position definitely in early and medieval Islam is that Hummer is notorious. However, believe it or not, it's one of those opinions that modern filled councils have pretty much reversed by and large. And for there are many reasons for this beyond the scope of our talk today. The dominant footway in our times by almost all major field councils is that ethanol is not Niger's and the fact of the matter is there are explicit evidences in the Sierra and the Hadith
of them the most famous one when alcohol was made. Haram What did the Sahaba do? They throw it in the streets and the rewired say that you know we could smell we were walking you know in the streets flowed with Hummer for two three days, you are not allowed to dispose of an agenda in the streets, you cannot just throw something outside where people are walking and the Sahaba did this which demonstrates the understood Hamid is haram to drink but it is not. Not just poison is haram is not just right. Or not everything Haram is not just you understand obviously right gambling is haram. But it's not just that gambling tokens are not nudges per se. So the point being that by saying
ethanol is not nudges, this means all of these soap dispenser things are the when you go to the
the hand sanitizers and when the hospital when you call them when they put the thing on the hospital you know when you go there, huh? The one they are the wipes them when they put the medicine on because if you say that alcohol or ethanol is Niger's, then you are basically saying all of those hand sanitizers and the cleansing of the out of the hospitals would be a type of nudges. You cannot use any needle anything. It's a really big hemorrhage, right. And when you look at it technically, there are many evidence to to show that ethanol is not nudges. Also, the perfumes that we apply has ethanol in it, it is not noticed it is permissible to apply because you're not consuming that
ethanol. So these are a quick brief history or a summary of an adjust that in all of these the strictest nudges, there are three that are above and beyond the other things. Number one, everything to do with a pig that is the worst type of an adjuster. Number two, the saliva of a dog is the second worst type of an adjuster. And then number three is the menstrual blood that is the third type which is the worst of the Naja side, then you have all of them just at that one category. Then you have the urine of a baby boy in the slightest type because it's not quite nervous, but it is still not quite pure, you have to still sprinkle water on it. So this is a brief summary of the Naja
set. As we said, what is haram and sinful is to pray when any of these substances knowingly is on you. If it is annoying, obviously you are forgiven locally for long enough Scintilla Wasaga. But if it is known, and you don't care to take precautions and you stand up to pray, this is where I double cover comes especially for urine because out of all of this list. It is urine that every single human being is interacting with on a daily on a daily basis. So if you do not take care and you're careless splattering not cleansing oneself that is where the double covered punishment comes place because it shows you don't care about the shedding of Allah subhanho wa Taala before we move on to
the second question, important disclaimer. A lot of people do not know that the Shetty does not require water when we do is ginger. This is a shock to most Muslims to learn. In reality there is zero controversy by unanimous consensus of all of the medina Haman scholars of Islam. Even if you have gallons of water next to you. You are not required to use water in the restroom, either for urine or even for defecation. It is not a requirement. It is better. It is most the hub and we thank Allah in our cultures, people think it is wajib it's good, but technically it is not watching. Technically it is not required. You may use anything that is dry that dries that that area until no
traces are left Why do I say this? I'm not saying you stop using the loader keep the loader Okay. Install the loader get the handloader It's only $20 install it very good. Okay if you even better in Europe, they have the buddy system, which is even better. I'm not saying don't use it. What am I why am I telling you this? Because a lot of people when they are not at home or within Muslim houses, they're stopping and the restrooms public places they assume that Hollis This is not just simply using the restroom without having your handy lota with you right they think that Hollis I cannot pray and this is
In a very serious fix error, you do not need water to be pure after going to the restroom. Toilet paper does the job you keep on wiping until no traces are left until it is dry and no traces are left and that applies even to defecation as well. There is no problem. In fact, the default amongst the Sahaba they would not use water even when they had water, they wouldn't use it because it was just a hassle, they would have to carry it whatnot. They wouldn't use it. They would use just the materials out there these days the the toilet paper suffices. So just because you stop in the restroom on the way to between places and whatnot, don't think that you're in a state of an
adjuster. And by the way, you can use toilet paper, put it under the sink and martialled. You have a portable lota Mashallah. Okay, so you can even do that if need be. But my point is, even if you don't use water, it is still pure and dire. And you may I mean, meaning you're not in a state of an adjustment. And you may pray in that state. That is the first question. Jay, the second question, brother Hudson, from New York and also, sister, I think mehnaz from California, I got actually four emails in the last weeks about the same issue. I'm going to summarize it. And it's a very sensitive topic. The emails all say the same scenario, a female relative
has decided to marry a person of another faith. And now the question arises, what is to be done? She's adult, she's free to do whatever she wants, you know, politically and technically. And what in one case, the uncle in the other case, a cousin and the other case, a family friend is asking, should we attend the ceremony? And what do we do afterwards? And what is the verdict on a Muslim, a Muslim ah, having a Nikka with a Kitabi? Or even a non Kitabi? Even somebody who is agnostic or atheist? So this is the question, is the wedding permissible? Should we attend the wedding? What is to be done afterwards? Before I jump into the answer to this question, I do need to take a bit of a
step back and address a segment of people who find the entire question problematic. And they say, why does it bother you? If somebody has chosen their life partner, they're in love with them, they want to be happy together. Why do you have to interfere and in particular, many people that are living in a liberal paradigm, they find it problematic that we problematize somebody else's marriage, you understand the point here, right? If they're getting married, that's their happiness, let them do it. And we need to be very frank here. Fact of the matter is somebody who finds our problematizing problematic, right? They're coming from a very different paradigm and I inshallah
plan to give lectures about this as well. But their paradigm is essentially a modern version of liberalism, which is extremely dismissive of religious values of religious conservatism. And in our times, the way that modern values have progressed, it is self evident. Once upon a time, 100 years ago, even 50 years ago, a person always thought of himself or herself in relationship to one's family, in relationship to one's community and relationship to one's society. Nowadays, the concern completely is on myself, me, myself and I, what do I want, once upon a time people valued community these days? It is the individual, once upon a time people looked at the spiritual and physical well
being these days is just what do I desire? What is my shower? And essentially, what we see modern liberalism is, as Allah says, In the Quran of our item and into the ILA who Hawa who have you not seen the one who has taken his passions as his God?
I have said many times, modern postmodern liberalism is essentially this where my desires become my religion, my dean, their Tauheed worship, is to worship their desires. So then what will shift could be anyone who comes between them and their desires, and that's why they cannot stand anyone who says, don't act upon your impulses, just because you feel a shuffler does because you feel a temptation. Why do you have to act upon it for their paradigm? This is shidduch literally no exaggeration, because they're Tawheed is the worship of their desires, right? And that's what we see in our modern culture. Is that what is your identity? How do you feel okay, what are you exploring
your own inner whatever they you know, they want to do, essentially, it boils down to what do I want to do? Nobody has the right to tell me other than that, and
it is difficult for somebody in that paradigm to even begin to understand our paradigm because our
paradigm is that the individual is never an individual. The individual is also a mother or father is also a brother or sister is also a member in a society. The individual, most importantly, is a worshipper of Allah subhanho wa taala. So you can't just put aside this individual and ignore Community Society duniya are here. No, you can't do that. And sometimes this works for open minded liberals, because liberals sometimes are the most bigoted people, even though they claim to be the most open minded. And this is the irony by the way of liberal values. Technically, technically, liberalism says tolerate all opinions, okay? But the fact of the matter is that as long as nobody is
forced or physically harmed, yet this modern version of liberalism is militantly fundamentalist. It doesn't even allow you in your personal life, to hold an opinion that goes against their values, even if you don't like you're not forcing anybody I have an opinion about marriage about sexuality, it's my opinion, why can't I have it? But for me to merely have it, it is as if I have committed Chittick in their eyes, because it is their shoot, right? Because my values right impede with their values. And so the irony is that the system that claims to respect all views ends up being extremely disrespectful to any view that is not within its spectrum. So we have to begin by pointing that out
the bottom line, as I said, US religious folks, we have many factors that we look at, and not just the person's desires. It's not just about what do I want? It's about what and if you want to explain to somebody from a liberal paradigm, you can say, what would you do if your best friend if your cousin if your sister or brother became a drug addict? What would you do? I'm not comparing a person's love with addiction, I'm comparing the concept. Why would you intervene and say, Oh, I do mind that he wants to have cocaine. His desires are harmful to him, the liberal would say, we say, and we believe certain desires are also harmful. You might not believe them, but understand where
we're coming from. Not every desire is useful. Not every desire is healthy. Not every love is necessary. Good for you. That's what we believe, who tells us what is right and wrong.
Allah subhanho wa taala, who tells you what is right and wrong, majority opinion changes every few years or something new democracy is when the natural logical conclusion is that even ethical values become up to the majority. And I have to give this long disclaimer, because I have to be brutally honest here. You know, these videos, they go online, and people cut snippets and paste and like, Oh, look at this fundamentalist preacher. He's telling people they shouldn't marry whom they love. And I say, Look, we have the right to preach whatever we want. Even as we understand the freedom of this country, we cannot force anybody. And that's why it's problematic. We are finding many women of our
faith decided to marry people outside the faith, we have to be very frank here. We cannot force what can we do? We can speak. We can have feelings, just like she has feelings. Why can we also not do and we can try to argue and negotiate. But in the end of the day, if she insists, and she is an adult, what are you going to do? In terms of technical? I'm not talking about Islamic law, what are you going to do? So we have to be very clear about this issue that long introduction. Let us now answer the 50 question, do we believe it is allowed to marry a person outside of our faith tradition? We know that the Quran explicitly forbids a Muslim man or a Muslim woman from marrying a
mushrik will attend court in which should Akina and what I call maturity. It is explicit in the Quran, men and women cannot marry we should. And the term should, applies to anyone who worships other than Allah subhanho wa taala. Even somebody who rejects Allah is committing a type of *, because they have taken themselves and their egos as objects of worship besides Allah. So from a technical perspective, even those who believe that God has a son, that is a type of Schick as well. So all of this is included in shidduch because they are worshipping and believing in a god other than Allah subhanho wa taala. So there is a general rule. Muslim man and woman cannot marry mushrik.
Now, one exception comes that sort of baccarat one exception comes in so the tilma Ada, Allah says to tell ma Ada, what are the last revelations that was revealed that it is allowed for you men to marry a Kitabi lady if they are chaste, meaning if they are not acting in a lewd and delicious manner they are living a dignified life, a Muslim man may marry a Kitabi lady. This is a gender specific
exception, a man may marry a lady that is a Kitabi because it is so explicitly gendered in the Quran. The opposite a Muslim lady marrying a Kitabi man is forbidden from the generalities of the previous verse. And it is because of this, that there is unanimous consensus that a lady of a Muslim background is not allowed to marry anybody outside of Islam, whether that person is Kitabi, or whether that person is other than a Kitabi. And I say Iijima here and I kind of go over the Quran in this regard, because in Islamic law, believe it or not, I know it sounds strange for the person who hasn't said well suited fit. But the number one source that is the strongest source of Islamic law
is actually a drummer, in terms of the strongest it is each map. Why? Because a verse of the Quran is open to interpretation. The 100 thieves might say this, the SHA phrase might say that when you have Iijima, what you are saying is that there is there has never been any controversy in this regard. And this is one of those few issues in our religion, where there is unanimous consensus of all the scholars of Islam that a Muslim lady cannot marry outside of the faith. Imam Malik mentions in his model one of his students student wrote this that Don't you see that it is not allowed for a Muslim Ummah to marry and Asrani or yahoodi in any circumstance. Imam Shafi mentions in his camel
Quran that it is haram for a Muslim to marry a mushrik whether they are from idolaters or whether they're from the ALI Kitab Imam will currently be mentioned in his Jamia that it is never allowed for a Muslim to marry a non Muslim and there is Iijima of the Ummah on this point. Imam Razi says the same thing. Even Kodama is more than he says, It is never in any circumstance allowed for a Kaffir to marry a muslim. There is never allowed and in fact there is Iijima on this point in Medina says this
even more movie who wrote one of the earliest books of Iijima if no one did as a scholar of the fourth century or fifth century or early fifth century, who wrote one of the first books on each MA and he lists in that little treaties, what has the OMA agreed upon one of the points A Juma Allah coolamon father and women in all of the people I have ever met, and he was one of the scholars who traveled far and wide, they have a drummer that it is not allowed for a Muslimah to marry a guitar B or a mushrik. So it is something that is explicitly clear, even at the time of the Prophet Sall Allahu Allah sent him after the Treaty of where they be. When Muslims ladies converted and they came
to Medina, the Sahaba were wondering, should we return them back to Makkah, and the prophets of Saddam? asked Allah Allah is what you revealed in the Quran. Do not return Muslim or ladies to their husbands law Hoonah Hello and welcome Hello, No, neither are they allowed for them. Nor are they allowed for the mini neither are their ex wives allowed for the ex husbands nor are the ex husbands allowed for their ex wives. This is a well known incident the Quran was revealed because of now before I move on to quick points.
This might shock some of you but it is my humble opinion based on the fatwa Ibn Abbas and many scholars that the opposite is also not allowed. In cases of living in non Muslim lands, meaning in my humble opinion, I do not consider it permissible for a Muslim man to marry a Kitabi lady, except in the lands of Islam. This is my opinion. It is the opinion of many people before me and many people in our times when Allah allowed a Muslim man to marry a Kitabi lady, even Abbas said, this is for the lands of Islam. Not allowed when the court systems are not following the laws of Islam, because when a Muslim man marries a Kitabi, Lady in the lands of Islam, and a divorce happens, the
Shetty I will judge that the children be raised as Muslims. That is not the case in lands outside of Islam. Also, I bring the court of hardtop when he forbade the Muslims who settled in Iraq to marry the Kitabi. Ladies, they wrote back and they said, Yeah, Miramont meaning it's allowed. And in his case, he said, I'm not saying it's haram. He said that. But if every man amongst you marry the Kitabi lady who would marry our women, so he forbade it as a matter of CSR of political jurisdiction, or as a matter of fact, even Abbas said, from a technical perspective, even from a filthy perspective, a Muslim man cannot marry a Kitabi lady when the laws of the land are not going
to be supporting the children's Islam. And this is something that I personally follow, but I know there's a fillip. So if somebody has another position that is fine. So in my humble opinion
Neither a man nor a woman can marry outside the faith in the country we reside in. It is only allowed to marry within the faith. This is my opinion. That's why I have never in my life performed in the gap between a Muslim man and a kid tabulated is my opinion. As I said, I'm not putting it binding on anybody else. I'm just giving you my position. Another exception that the European Council has given a fatwa on and I agree with this as well, is that this verdict of a Kitabi applies only when the marriage is beginning. A Muslim wants to marry a Kitabi. We say not allowed. However, if a couple is Christian or Jewish, and the lady converts to Islam, so the marriage took place, and
they're both Kitab us, then the one partner converts, if the husband converts, no problem, because the majority say that the Muslim man is allowed to America, Tabby lady, correct. And even in this case, I say no problem. I mean, this is different thing. You understand. But what if it's the opposite? What if the lady converts, and the husband does not convert?
The European field Council has released a fatwa. And one of my mentors and somebody I consider teachers should Abdullah Judea has written a book on this Islam or had this origin it's a very good book. And this was the first to have embeddable Katana and alumina be thought of in their Khilafah in their, in their Khilafah. It happened both of their collaborators that a lady converted and her husband did not they had a family and she said I don't want to leave. I'm happy here he's allowed me to be Muslim. So they wrote to Medina, this in these incidents took place far away. They wrote to Medina and in both cases in our models are the Allah who has fatwa. And in our little the last
fatwa, he said, Okay, in that case, let them remain. So an exception was made for somebody who converts as long as she can practice her faith. Is it healthy? No, but is the marriage Balton as long as you can practice Islam, my position of the field counselors also said this European field Council, the American Field Council hasn't said anything, but I know internally we follow this position as well it is permissible for the marriage to resort to for the marriage to not resume to be maintained, you are not allowed to initiate a marriage, but to maintain in Arabic is called this this habit also you you presume the continuity, the continuity, the continuity of the marriage is
permissible, but not the initiation of a marriage. Is that clear? Okay, with this philcare background, let us now conclude with the big question. What is to be done? She's decided, we say it's not allowed, we say there is no Nikka we say this Nikka has bottle. You can have a civil marriage, you can make the registration. The government considers it a valid ceremony and a valid marriage. We understand that, from our perspective, the Nica is bolted. It doesn't exist. What is to be done now.
This is the whole issue.
There is no religious fatwa that can be given. This is now a matter of psychology, not legality. What is to be done? If somebody whom you love insists on disobeying Allah and His messenger?
The problem comes here.
What is our ultimate goal? Is it for us to punish them? Or is it for us to guide them? I'm asking you
to guide them. Okay. So the goal here, if they've declared, we want to do something haram, the goal here is to guide them, how you guide somebody, how you influence somebody is not fixed. It is psychology.
So one of the most common genre of questions us people get asked to shoot on their own and whatnot, one of the most common genre chefs, I have a friend who does x, y and d. What should I do? I do, chef, I have a relative who does this? What is the best way to give Dawa to them? And my response is always the same. You know, best? You're asking a psychology question, not a legal question. What is the best way to give Dawa is not fit? That is human psychology? And who knows your friend? You are me. Who knows your cousin, you are me. Who knows your brother or sister you are me. You do? So what is the next step? You and your family needs to come together and have a frank discussion? What do we
need to do to try our best to influence this person in the short or in the long term? And that question, nobody on a podium on a pulpit from a chef's paradigm can answer as well as you can. We can give you generic guidelines. So when this is going to happen, you've tried to discuss she is adamant she is going to go
fourth with it. What can you do? You have to come together as a family. And without this individual even with the individual as well and discuss what are the next steps we should take. And generically speaking, generically speaking, I mean, because because there's always exceptions, sometimes a person might be best that you withdraw from them emotionally cut off, and they're going to feel a sense of we need to change for the better, that will influence them. Sometimes being angry and rebuking will work. But generally speaking, a little bit of compassion works more than a little bit of harshness, this is a general rule, a little bit of kindness, her to love will work better than
anger and spouting and whatnot. So, and that's because people go through phases right now. She's passionately in love with her colleague or co worker, right now, she's not thinking straight. As all of us were the about the age of 3040. You know, I mean, Love is Something Michelle, it's nice when you're a teenager, but you know, life goes on. I mean, you know, this late, it's that teenage love that happens with the first love when she's getting married. She's not going to feel the same way in 510 years, everybody knows this. Okay. So what do you want to do you want to burn all bridges, so that five years down the line when she softens up when she feels an emptiness? When she realizes I
don't have the connection with my Creator. And then she also realized that I don't have a family? What's going to happen? She's going to dig herself in deeper, she's going to find other ties. I've even heard of very rarely where she converts to Christianity, not because she necessarily believes but she needs a faith based community and her whole must you that family have completely boycotted, what do you think is going to happen psychologically? So my general rule, but again, there are always exceptions is there should be what I call hurt, love.
Hurt love, there can never be ignoring what she has done. Now, I have to be clear here, you cannot just go back to status quo. You cannot just say, Okay, fine, she's decided, tough luck. Life goes on. Why would you do that? If she was a drug addict? If he was a drug addict? Would you do that? If they are selling drugs? No, you're always going to show I'm not happy with this lifestyle. I don't like what you're doing. But they're still your biological daughter cousin needs you that's never going to change. So you have to balance between that ties of kinship, and between showing that you're just not happy. And again, there's no 50 ruling here. But I would speak generically,
generically. And again, you judge best, I would say the following my humble opinion, the generic rule.
The immediate family, of course, friends doesn't even come in, because why would you you're not as a friend, it's easier to step back. But a generic that I mean, family, immediate family, in my humble opinion, going to the marriage is a bit too much. Because you are explicitly endorsing something that is a blatant rejection of Allah Sharia. My humble opinion, I don't see a justification of you just because when you go when you're going to be scowling all the time looking angry. I mean, be realistic here. Okay. What would be the purpose of you going? In this case? Your presence is tacit approval. Generally speaking, this is what I would say. However, you can't just cut off ties of
kinship, can you? I mean, she's your daughter, or your niece or your cousin, what are you going to do? Once kids come? What are you going to do, then? I mean, definitely, I hope nobody will take their anger out on the kids, the kids have not done anything wrong, that they deserve to have anything from you different. They are your biological Muharram. Even if the marriage is bounded, by the way, right? If you're the father, or the nephew and the uncle, those are your biological Maxim's you cannot marry them. Even if the marriage is buffered, you get the point here, there is a something kinship that you have. And also it's not the fault of the kids. And also, shouldn't you
even more now be a positive Islamic role model in the lives of these innocent children when they don't have one otherwise, right? So again, we have to bring up a psychological issue that perhaps Perhaps some scholars are not understanding when they give very explicit fatwas. I've heard them myself cut off all contact and don't associate it. I mean, I'm sorry, but that's a human element that you're not taking into account. How can you cut off all contact with your own son or daughter if they're committing a sin? Even if I was a biller, with the biller, they have left Islam in the end of the day, they're still your son and daughter, aren't they? There has to be some relationship
even as you demonstrate what I call what did I call it? What was the term hurt, love, okay. And that hurt, love shows to reinforce like, son, daughter, look, you're still my son, my daughter. I still have those feelings for you, but I'm very hurt at what you've done. In my humble opinion. This is the best mechanism of Dawa as well what else can be done? When
She insists, and the marriage takes place. What else can be done? Are you going to never meet the person that she has married on paper? Tell me.
What is another goal? You should have
Dawa to this person? How are you going to give Dawa? If you're going to spit in his face? I mean, again, there's a human component that we have to be realistic with.
May Allah protect us will lie. I say this and I am terrified. May Allah protect us from ever having to face something like this? We don't want it. But what are you going to do? If it does happen? There's a human element that I have to be honest about, are you not going to invite the person over to your house after a week or two, when even they know you're angry? Okay. And by the way, before it happens, you should definitely be frank, definitely. I mean, at the end of the day is also not his fault. He's living in a society that allows this and in his case, it's a typical drama that his whole circle of friends will sympathize with him for his whole family will support him he's gonna,
you know, it's gonna be made even become an HBO movie or something, you know, they're gonna make out of it, you know, it's as a standard scenario that they're going to love to do. You become the typical bad guy, stereotypical bad guy. So don't be in that box, understand what's going on here. From his paradigm, you have no right to stop your daughter, that's the world he's been raised in, right? From our paradigm, our daughter is our daughter, she's always going to be our daughter doesn't matter, you know. So the point is that you need to be a little bit more wiser in this regard. Of course, you will invite him over even before explain to him why you cannot to prove this
religiously. Speak to him, frankly, and say, What do you want me to do? It's against my faith tradition. And I do not believe this is valid in the eyes of my creator. And then right then and there, say, but I asked you to please think about my faith. I asked you this is what I believe. Give him the Quran. And then when they're gone, go to your room fall down in such the and cry to Allah subhanaw taala to guide that person to stand. What else are you going to do? Make dua sincerely, and then show that person the best of Islam, outside of the marriage ceremony? Show them what it means to be a Muslim? Because if he does convert, even after a year or two, what can you do? Nick are
concerned, what are you right then in there? Hamdulillah. Right, you see the point here. So the goal is that we need to be a little bit realistic, given the circumstances, we're in these simplistic fatawa of boycott and cut off and it doesn't work, there's a human component that has to also be taken into account. And so the bottom line and with this insha, Allah, Allah conclude,
we are very well aware that this is a crisis taking place across this country. For those of you that are not aware, I'm sorry, to burst your bubble again from me, you're going to hear blunt truths. This is becoming more and more common, dare I say, I cannot imagine anyone that has extended family, except that this has happened in your own family and my own family. And yes, my own family is the reality. The every single one of us it is the reality of the world that we live in marrying outside the faith, what is going to happen when this land is less than 1% Muslim. And, you know, this is one of the risks that come with living in this land, whether it's a Muslim man marrying outside, which I
don't believe is allowed as well, or a Muslim lady marrying outside, which is becoming more and more common. And by the way, when it comes to a Muslim man, honestly, we can be more stricter in some ways, because there's so many of our sisters on married when it comes to a Muslim lady, even though it is haram frankly, my heart emotionally kind of understands, because I know of cases in my extended acquaintances where the lady was trying, trying, trying, and nobody within the community he proposed and she kept on saying that man married a cousin overseas that man married a Kitabi that men and married a Hispanic convert that married isn't that who's going to marry me? I literally we
literally have had sisters come to our lectures and crying and saying, What can I do? I try try try to should I remain my whole life without having a child? May Allah forgive me, I'm going to do it. Somebody told me this. May Allah forgive me? What do you want me to do? And I say you shouldn't do it. But again, it's her choice, right? And I'm not by the way, please don't read in and take this higher, unzip. Don't take this five second clip, and then go online because like, I have to always deal with this issue. But my point is that I'm not justifying. I'm contextualizing this is a problem. And dear brothers that are unmarried, please fear Allah subhanho wa Taala and marry from
our own communities and sisters. Don't leave and abandon them, even if a position allows you to marry Cadabby. As Tom said, If all of our men marry the Kitabi ladies who will marry our women, and also, by the way, as well, the issue of nothing wrong with this, but going overseas and coming back. Again, this is I understand this is happening, but at the same time, we are having a crisis of spinsterhood across North America, across North America. This is
A major problem. And it's not as if our ratios are different, no 5050. But two things, number one marrying outside the faith. And number two, which is halal. And I understand going back and then coming in, which is understandable. I'm not saying that's wrong, but again, think about marrying from within. And within the communities the bottom line, I don't recommend, and I can't generally see a justification for attending the ceremony, because the ceremony is the pinnacle of the whole, the whole contract, and you being there is a clear endorsement of button. And that is where the tough love comes in. You actually tell them I really love you, I wish the best for you. And because
I wish the best for you. I can't just sit there and watch and smile as you undertake this life journey as much as I would like to, unless you convert to Islam, put some soft pressure on him some soft pressures halal, okay, think about the draft course we want him to convert from the heart, obviously, but some soft pressure is good here. But then afterwards, if the marriage persists, in my humble opinion, there has to be a emotional compromise where it's never status quo, you can never just go back to normal every once in a while. No matter how awkward it is, no matter how irritated she gets every once in a while, the discussion has to come up because otherwise you're just
silent in the face of Moncure how often the language leave it to you and your psychology and your conscious in front of Allah subhanho wa Taala but you cannot remain neutral and then for the person involved the other you know the technical husband or whatnot, that our soft our whatnot, dua to Allah subhana wa Taala then once kids come even more so that in the life of the kids, you show what is Islam, you help them pray with you, you know, make them understand Islam and then lots of dua, what else can we do? And at the end we ask Allah Subhana Allah to either protect all of us and protect our families and our sons and our daughters. We ask Allah azza wa jal, the refuge from
seeing from our sons and daughters that which will break our hearts and and make us sad. We ask Allah azza wa jal to protect our families and make them families of Iman and Taqwa We ask Allah subhana wa Tada to make our sons and daughters of those who love the Quran and who love the prophets of some of Allah make our sons and daughters are those who established the salah and who paid this ago and who faster Ramadan. Oh Allah grant our sons and daughters and our unmarried brothers and sisters, righteous spouses from amongst ourselves, Oh Allah, give them spouses that make them the coolness of their eyes in the comfort of their souls and allow them to allow them to come closer to
you that mythical hammer rahimian. So the law has said I'm about to show love to me tomorrow will begin the first lecture about judgment day in shallow Dallas Wednesday in Shell